Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Ran Wars ❯ Chapter 3

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Imported From: RAAC
From: chmcneil@upei.ca

Welcome. I'm glad you've decided to stay around this long.
As you probably already know, this is the third and (for now)
final story in the Ran Wars trilogy. This will resolve many-
but not all-of the story threads presented in the first two
episodes. I hope you find it entertaining, if maybe a trifle
more serious than the last two.

Okay, let's get ready. Strap yourself in, grab the popcorn,
boil some water and feed the pig. "May the Force equal
gravity x mass."

(The scene opens with space, as we watch the RAN WARS logo
fly onto the screen in the usual way. It fades into the
distance, and is replaced by text which scrolls diagonally
up into the screen)

Episode -8/0
Return of the Videocassette

It is a mere seven months since the disastrous Battle of
Hoth. And the rebels...have all DIED! Ohohohohoho! Huh?
No! Get away! (sounds of combat) Sorry about that.
Kodachi grabbed the teleprompter. *ahem* ...and the rebels
have fled to the far corners of the galaxy. After the death
of the Dark Jedi Kunou, the Imperial civil war seems to be
drawing to a close, with Kodachi's forces on the run. Now,
with relative stability in the Empire, a second version of
the dreaded Happoudaikarin is being built near the moon of
Endor.
Meanwhile, Ranma Skywalker, having discovered that the gang-
ster known only as Hutt is living on his homeworld of Tokyo,
has journeyed there...with some "persuasion" from Akane...to
save Ryouga Solo...

(The words disappear and the scene pans to the right. We see
a lush green moon, orbiting around a large, unremarkable
planet. Several arrowhead-shaped Star Destroyers skim across
the atmosphere and slowly fly into the sunrise. The beautiful
golden-red colour of the magnificent space dawn glints off the
dull grey metal of the Imperial juggernauts. The glare from
the sun dies out, and another object comes into view. It is a
gigantic sphere, nearly a sixth as big as the moonlet it
orbits. The sphere is only covered by a dark brown hull
across one quarter of its upper portion. The rest is a night-
marish collection of skeletal superstructure interspersed with
multi-coloured flares and flashes of light. Squatish tugs
haul various large objects and containers around while dark,
predatory TIE fighters and interceptors swoop around in careful
orbits. The scene changes to a tri-winged, fish-like shuttle
flying into a docking bay. The ship lands on a hangar floor,
at the head of a gigantic guard of Imperial stormtroopers. The
troopers halt and form ranks to either side of a red carpet
that extends from a set of pneumatic doors to the edge of the
slowly descending ramp. A lone figure in a crisp and proper
admiral's uniform strides forward. As soon as he reaches the
end of the carpet, he snaps to attention and watches as a large
creature shambles down the ramp. It is a panda, in bits and
pieces of black armour, with a mask over its mouth which
connects to a large screen positioned above and behind his head.)

Harkov: Welcome, Lord Saotome, welcome to the second Happoudaikarin.

Saotome(printout on screen): {Dispense with the formalities, my
friend.} (clears screen) {How goes the construction?}

Harkov: Ahead of schedule. And what about the Emperor's...presence?

Saotome: (growls/chuckles) {The first shipment of our dear
Emperor's...treasures will arrive today.} (clears screen) {All
successive shipments will also be to here.}

Harkov: _That_ should bring him running. (smiles)

Saotome: {Hai.} (clears screen) {Now that that's over with, I have
an important question.}

Harkov: Oh?

Saotome: {What do we have to _eat_ on this junk pile?}
(Switch scenes to a seemingly endless expanse of parched yellow
desert. Two figures trudge slowly across the landscape. One is a
man in a long white robe and blue pants, with long black hair and
pop-bottle glasses. His companion is a droid, built to resemble
an attractive human female in a metallic version of a okonomiyaki
chef's outfit. One arm has a large spatula housed on it which
extends to just beyond her fist. She has a bored look on her face,
while he looks disgruntled.)

Mousse(to a large rock): I don't remember it being this _hot_ last
time we were here, Ukyou.

Ukyou: I'm over here, Mousse. (he turns to face her) That's
because you were a droid last time we were here, Mousse, and
droids don't feel heat.

Mousse: Oh yeah, I forgot.
(Ukyou shakes her head as they round a large outcropping. A
large, domed building situated at the top of a high black cliff
comes into view. The red sun of Tokyo lies behind it,
silhouetting the structure and its three conical towers. Each
tower is topped by a large, tri-barrelled turbolaser turret,
and a sensor dish is perched on the apex of the central dome.
Ukyou smiles.)

Ukyou: Well, we're almost there so you can stop complaining.

Mousse: Huh? How can you tell?

Ukyou: (points at the structure) Hutt's palace is right there.
(Mousse turns in surprise to look at right angles to the
building, giving him an excellent view of...nothing.)

Mousse: Where? Uh...Ukyou, there's nothing there.
(She grabs him by the head and turns him to face the building,
then touches his glasses. They turn several different shades
of colour before settling back on white.)

Mousse: Oh...I can see it now. Why is it a giant turtle?

Ukyou: (sighs) Because Hutt's weird. Remember to adjust your
focusers every now and then, Mousse.

Mousse: (as they walk to the cliff face) Hai, I know where
it is. (pauses) Do you remember the plan?

Ukyou: Of course. It is _my_ plan, after all.

Mousse: (nods) Good...could you remind me again?
(Cut to the two of them standing at the bottom of the high,
steep cliff. Ukyou and Mousse are staring up at it, shielding
their eyes (or equivalents) with their hands.)

Ukyou: (whistles) Hard climb.

Mousse(sneers): Do not worry. (jumps back into a dramatic
stance) No mere cliff is a match for Mousse!

Ukyou: Huh? (turns to him) No...wait, I...

Mousse: I will scale this obstacle to help my friend!
(He leaps into the air, tossing a grappling hook from the
sleeves of his robe.)

Ukyou: Mousse! Wait, I saw...
(The hook clamps into the side of the cliff, about a dozen feet
up.)

Mousse: Watch as I easily traverse this obstacle!
(He pulls himself to the cliff and begins the vigourous climb.)

Ukyou: No, there's a...Mousse!
(Mousse either doesn't hear or ignores her as he scrambles
wildly up the cliff. Ukyou sighs.)

Ukyou: Never mind.
(She walks four feet or so to where a door is positioned in
the rock face. Pushing a button, she waits for the door to
open and then steps into the turbolift. Cut to the top as
Mousse pulls himself over the side of the cliff with a groan.
He lays down, staring up at the sky while breathing in harsh
gasps.)

Ukyou: (standing over him) What took you so long?

Mousse: Huh? (gasps) Ukyou? How'd you get up here so
quickly? (sits up) I didn't see you pass me on the way up.

Ukyou: Let's just say...I followed my instincts.

Mousse: Oh...I understand. Your droid body is superior to
my human one.
(A look of pain crosses Ukyou's face.)

Ukyou(softly): In some ways... (pulls him up) C'mon, let's go.

Mousse: Hai.
(They walk over to the large domed structure, stopping at a
giant door built of rust-covered metal. Hanging on it is a
crudely lettered sign.)

Sign: No trespassers on any grounds.
(Ukyou pushes Mousse forward.)

Ukyou(hisses): Remember the plan.
(Mousse nods and strides boldly to the door. He raps sharply
on the metal and stands back. After a moment, a hole opens in
the door and an orb on a metal stalk pops out. It scrutinizes
them for a second, then begins to jabber in an incomprehensible
language.)

Mousse: Huh?
(The orb blathers in a different incomprehensible language.)

Mousse: Do you speak Basic?

Orb(pauses; reluctantly): Yeeessss...but I would prefer a nice,
incomprehensible language. Do you know any?

Mousse: (shakes head) None that I can comprehend.

: (sighs) Fine. What do you want?

Mousse: (puffs himself up proudly) I come with a message of
gravest import for the almighty Hutt!

Orb: Who?

Mousse: (blinks) Hutt, the master of this palace.

Orb: This isn't Hutt's palace, this is Yamamoto's desert
retreat. Hutt's palace is about thirty kilometres west of
here, at the edge of the dune sea.

Mousse(obviously confused): It is?

Orb: (nods) Just head west. You can't miss it.

(It is now night. Ukyou and Mousse are walking through a
valley of loosely piled rocks and boulders. Before them we
see an elaborate, pagoda-style structure at the edge of a
seemingly endless expanse of sand which glitters under the
light of the two moons. Ukyou is grumbling.)

Ukyou: FOUR! Four palaces so far! For a deserted desert
planet, this place sure has a lot of people on it.

Mousse: I just hope this is it. I'm getting sick of saying
"I am here with a message of gravest import for the almighty
Hutt" and being told politely that he isn't there.

Ukyou: It had better be.
(They come to the door, a much more delicate-looking-if no
less massive-structure than the first one. On it is another
sign, this one easily readable.)

Sign: No money, no goods, no entrance.
(Mousse walks up to the door and pounds on it noisily.
After a moment, a nasal, high-pitched voice emanates from it.)

Voice: Do ya have to be so loud?

Mousse: (clears throat) I have a message of gravest import
for the almighty Hutt!

Voice: So? The Hutt's a very busy person, and doesn't have
time for messages of only "gravest import".

Mousse: Uh...you mean Hutt's here?

Voice: Of course. Where else would Hutt be?

Ukyou: Tell Hutt we bear a gift.

Voice: A gift? Well why didn't you say so! Come on in!
(The massive gate opens, and a hallway is revealed to be
on the other side. Ukyou walks inside, then glances back
at Mousse, who is tapping his foot.)

Mousse: I'm waiting. Are you going to let us in or not?
(Ukyou shakes her head, reaches out, and drags Mousse into
the tunnel. Mousse "oh's" and they look around. No one is
there, and having nothing better to do, they start down the
hall. Soon they come to a set of shallow stairs. At the
bottom is a room where a karaoke stage is set up. In the
back, several aliens play musical accompaniment as a human
man warbles out the lyrics to "Little Date". Along the
left hand wall is a series of steps, platforms and chairs
where a variety of beings-reptilian, avian, droid, Ithorian,
Gamorrean, Lum, and even some arachnids-sit. The centre of
the room is almost completely cleared, except for three
extremely shallow circular blue pits in which three women
in metal bikinis dance. One is a blue-haired woman with
cat-like fur, another has feathers for hair, and the third
is a medium-statured girl with short brown hair. The latter
dancer turns and stares intently at the two newcomers.
Finally the view is drawn to the right hand wall, which is
shorter than the other one. In the centre of it a large,
slug-like creature with stubby arms. Arrayed around it are
about a dozen bounty hunters. Most wear complex armour,
with small arsenals strapped to their bodies. We centre in
on one in particular, a female with a helmet like a Chinese
straw hat which has a demonic visor. Brownish hair, with a
bow in it, falls out behind the helmet. Across from this
one is another female, this one with an uncovered face and
long, luxurious purple hair. The three dancers clear the
floor, the brown-haired one going to a position near the
slug and the other two sitting yoga-style on the stage.
The man stops warbling after a Gamorrean gives him some
"persuasion" with the flat of its axe, and the room falls
silent. Mousse and Ukyou walk to stand before the slug. It
blathers, and one of the bounty hunters-a large, skeletal
droid-steps forward and translates in a halting, emotionless
tone. The brown-haired dancer leans back and watches with
interest.)

Slug(translated by droid): I am the Hutt. What do you want?
(Mousse steps forward to answer, then notices the purple-
haired bounty hunter. His eyes widen, and an expression of
bliss crosses his face. Ukyou groans.)

Mousse: SHAMPOO! (he runs up and glomps...the droid, who
looks surprised) My darling Shampoo! I've finally found you
again!

Droid: Excuse me...
(Shampoo looks shocked. Hutt blathers.)

Hutt(droid translates): What is the meaning of this?

Mousse: (steps back) You're not Shampoo! Where is she? What
have you done to her?!?

Shampoo(confused): M-Mousse?

Mousse: Shampoo? (looks at her and adjusts his glasses) It
_is_ you! (glomp)

Shampoo: AIYA! Get off Shampoo!
(She slams him to the ground. The brown-haired dancer blinks;
Ukyou mutters something impolite under her breath. Mousse
starts to get up.)

Mousse: Shampoo, it's me! Your darling Mousse!

Shampoo: But you droid, but you man now, but you droid 'fore,
and man 'ore, and... (clutches her skull) Shampoo's head hurt...

Hutt(translated): What is the meaning of this, Shampoo?

Shampoo: Shampoo no know! She confused...

Mousse: No that I am human again, I can comfort you in this
hour of need! (glomp again)

Shampoo: You go too far! Shampoo save self for Ranma!
(As she reduces him to a pile of putty, Ukyou steps forward.)

Ukyou: I can deliver the message.
(The brown-haired dancer's eyes narrow, and she nods almost
imperceptibly.)

Hutt(translated): Speak.

Ukyou: The message is holographic.

Hutt(translated): Then play it.
(Ukyou nods, and her eyes go distant for a moment. Then they
light up and a holographic image forms a few feet in front of
her. It is a life size, blue-tinged image of a boy in his
late teens. He is wearing a red tunic and dark pants, and
has black hair tied back in a bobbed ponytail. He has a
handsome face, and a small cylinder is belted to his waist.
Shampoo stops in mid-blow with a cry of pleasure.)

Shampoo: Is Ranma! Husband send Shampoo boss message! Maybe
ask for Shampoo be freed debt!

Mousse: Sh-sh-shampoo...

Shampoo: Quiet Mousse! (pound again)

Ranma-hologram: Greetings to you, Hutt. I am Ranma Skywalker,
Jedi Ninja. (an amused guffaw goes around the room) I have
sent this message for one reason... (dramatic pause; smiles)
..to wish you a successful career. Well, bye...
(A hand shoots into the hologram and hits him on the back of
the head.)

Voice: Baka! Give the _real_ reason!

Ranma-h: Alright already! Actually, I've sent this to barter
for the release of one Ryouga Solo. Though I don't know why...
(the hand hits him again; he glares at its source) Anyway...I
am willing to offer this valuable one-of-a-kind droid in
exchange for Solo's freedom. I suggest you take this offer,
or I'll have to give up...(he is hit again)...uh, I mean, be
forced to destroy you.
(The message ends, and Ranma blinks out. Ukyou returns to
normal. The dancer smiles and shakes her head. Hutt laughs.)

Hutt(translation) I don't think so. (gestures at one of the
exits; it lights up and we see it is not a door, but an alcove
which houses Ryouga, frozen in carbonite) Solo is too useful
to me as an object lesson to give up for one droid, which I
can simply take anyway. (the brown-haired dancer frowns but
does nothing else) Shampoo! Escort the man to a cell while
F6-G6 takes the droid to be processed.

Ukyou: You'll regret this, Hutt.
(Hutt laughs as they are dragged away. The brown-haired girl
looks thoughtful. We see a small, dank room. Droids of all
sizes and descriptions walk about or lie idle in pens. Pig-
like Gamorreans stand on guard throughout the room, while a
skeletal, modified medical droid hovers behind the desk. As
we watch, the translator droid walks in, leading a grumbling
Ukyou. They walk over to the desk.)

Register droid(halting, mechanical tone): Ahh, FG-6G, what
brings you here?

FG-6G: I've brought a new droid for you.

R-Droid: Excellent. (turns to Ukyou) I assume you are the
new droid?

Ukyou(irritated): Hai.

R-droid: What is your model number and function?

Ukyou: I'm an Okono D2, personal companion and chef droid.

R-droid: A chef droid? (pauses; clicking sounds can be heard)
I think I have a position for you on the master's sail barge.
(turns to FG-6G) Take her in back and fit her with a restraining
bolt.

Ukyou: I don't take well to restraining bolts.

FG-6G: So? Come along.
(The droid grabs Ukyou and roughly jerks her around the desk.
The register droid turns to look at a new arrival, when
suddenly there is a loud crash. It spins around and we see
FG-6G lying in several pieces on the floor while Ukyou calmly
polishes her spatula.)

Ukyou: I _told_ you I don't take well to restraining bolts.
(Yes, that was pointless filler. Now to a more serious-yeah,
right; okay, more plot enhancing-scene. We see Hutt's audience
chamber, same as before. The three dancers are again in the
pits as the slug watches. Shampoo is idly flipping a bonbori
while a new translating droid stands nearby. Presently, a not-
too-distant explosion startles the group. They all watch the
main entrance as the sounds of combat gradually draw closer.
Shampoo instantly leaps to her feet, as the three dancers scurry
over to the slug. After a moment, a pig-faced guard stumbles
down the stairs and flops to the ground. Not long after, a
bounty hunter in all-concealing body armour walks in, leading
a boy on a leash. The boy is tall, with short blue-black hair
and a handsome, if dirtied, face. He is wearing a blue, sleeve-
less tunic and baggy white pants, and also sports a pair of tight
metal bracers on his forearms. He glares at everyone indiscri-
minately while the bounty hunter strides up to the slug.)

Hutt(translated): What is the meaning of this?

Bounty hunter(distorted voice): I have come to collect the bounty
on this one.

Hutt(pauses; translated): So you have brought us the mighty
Tarou... (the brown-haired dancer nods slowly) ...excellent,
then I will give you 10,000...

Bounty hunter: The posted bounty is 30,000.

Hutt(translated): And why should I pay that much, hmm?

Bounty hunter(firmly): Because I have _this_! (pulls out a
softball-sized sphere)

Shampoo: AIYA! Is thermal detonator!

Bounty hunter: Care to renegotiate?
(She touches a button on the sphere, causing a red light to flash.
The brown-haired girl laughs.)

Hutt(translated): Not really, since you just de-powered the de-
tonator and it'll take several hours to recharge it.

Bounty hunter: Oops.

Tarou: (rolls his eyes; mutters) Oops. Of all the...

Hutt(laughs; translated): No, for your effrontery I...
(The brown-haired girl absently touches the slug's tail. It
stiffens and begins talking slowly.)

Hutt(translated): ...have decided to give you 15,000 for him.

Bounty hunter: That's... (lamely) great...

Hutt(translated): Take him away.
(Shampoo and the demon-faced guard walk over. Tarou growls at
the demon-faced guard, who back off nervously. The dancer
looks at the slug and clears her throat.)

Hutt(translated): And don't let him near water.
(Tarou is taken away, leaving the bounty hunter alone. He
heads off to one side, the dancers return to their pits, and
everything returns to normal. The scene shifts to the same
room, now late at night. It is deserted and the lights dimmed
so that shadows cover the entire room. A door in the side wall
silently opens and the bounty hunter that captured Tarou sneaks
in. He slowly closes the door and looks around. Then he darts
to a shadowy corner, scampers silently to the far wall, and
finally scurries over to the alcove where the carbonite block
housing Ryouga Solo is kept. He steps to the side of it and
examines a control panel built into the carbonite housing.)

Bounty hunter(mutters): Now how does this work? (pauses) Ah,
I think this is it.
(He pulls a switch. Immediately, there is a sharp hiss and
the carbonite housing crashes to the floor with a resounding
thud, then falls back to lean against the wall with a thunderous
clang. The bounty hunter leaps back and pulls his arms up to his
face...er, mask in a strangely effeminate gesture.)

Bounty hunter: Hope nobody heard it...
(After a moment of looking around nervously, the bounty hunter
decides it's safe and turns back to the panel. He flips a
toggle and pushes a slider all the way up. A green light that
was continually shining begins to strobe rapidly. He steps
back, as a low, hissing whistle starts. Then a red dot appears
on Ryouga's frozen visage and rapidly expands, covering his face
and spreading through the block. After a moment, the whistle
stops along with the red energy, and a boy is revealed to be
inside a body-conforming cavity within the carbonite. He is
ruggedly good-looking, with unruly black hair held up by a black
and yellow bandanna. He wears a yellow tunic and green pants
cross-gartered at the shin. The boy takes a deep breath and
stumbles forward into the steadying arms of the bounty hunter.
He has his eyes tightly closed, and is shaking and trying to
catch his breath.)

Bounty hunter: Relax, the disorientation will pass. You have
hibernation sickness.

Ryouga: I...I'm free? (shudders and opens his eyes; they are
unfocused) I can't see!

Bounty hunter: The blindness is another effect of hibernation
sickness. It too will pass with time.

Ryouga: That's good... (reaches and touches the bounty hunter's
face mask) W-who are you?
(The bounty hunter gently removes the hand, then reaches to the
back of his neck. There is a hiss of escaping steam and the
bounty hunter removes the helmet to reveal that he...is a she.
A cute-if somewhat boyish-looking girl, with short black hair
done up in two donut-like curls. She smiles.)

Akane: A friend.

Ryouga(shocked): AKANE!!!

Akane: Shh. (looks around) We're still in Hutt's palace.

Ryouga: You...you came to rescue me?

Akane: Of course I came to rescue you silly, I...I owe you for
that rescue on the Happoudaikarin.

Ryouga(dreamily): Akane came to rescue me...I can die happy...

Akane: Well you just might if we don't get out of h...

Ryouga: Akane?

Akane: Hai? (looks around)
(Ryouga puts his hands on her shoulders and turns her to face
him.)

Ryouga: Akane...do you remember...my...my...

Akane: Ryouga, I... (softly) do remember...

Ryouga: Then I have to know...do you...do you...

Akane: (turns away) I...don't know. (looks down) Forgive me.

Ryouga: (pauses) There's nothing to forgive. I understand.

Voice: How touching.

Akane: (looks up sharply) Who?
(The brown-haired dancer steps out of the shadows. She is
wearing a loose robe over her dancing outfit, and stands with
arms crossed.)

Ryouga: Who is it, Akane?

Dancer: Your only hope of getting out of here alive.

Akane: What are you talking about?

Dancer: I've come to offer you a deal. (smiles evilly) One
you simply can't refuse.

Akane: Oh? And what could you offer us? You're just a...
decoration.

Dancer: Looks can be deceiving, as you ought to know.

Ryouga: What do you mean?

Dancer: _I_ am the Hutt.

Akane: (blinks) You can't be serious.

Real Hutt: As serious as a blaster rifle.

Akane: But I saw you...

R.Hutt: I really don't have time to go over my entire life
story. Let's just say that the concept of equal rights
hasn't occurred to smugglers yet. Besides, the slug's a
great way of diverting attention from the real brains.

Ryouga: You don't expect us to believe that, do you?

R.Hutt: (shrugs) What you believe is up to you, but it won't
change the truth.

Akane: Okay, let's assume you are the real Hutt. What do you
want?

R.Hutt: (distant look) I'm getting sick of the facade. I
need a way to...reorganize the power structure around here.
That's why I wanted Solo. I knew it would bring his rebel
friends running.

Ryouga: You mean...I was just bait?

R.Hutt: Oh, don't let that get you down. It's only business.
Anyway, I want you to help me. I need somebody to knock off
the slug and get me an audience with the rebel council.

Akane: And what do _we_ get out of this?

R.Hutt: Your lives, for starters. However, I also have some
very valuable information. Besides, having the smugglers on
your side would really help the Rebellion.

Akane: (long pause) Nice try, but we don't deal with scum.

Ryouga: You tell her, Akane.

R.Hutt: (shrugs) Just remember the offer's on the table.
(There is a low, blubbering chuckle from behind the two
rebels. They turn to face it.)

Ryouga: What's that?

Akane: It's... (looks back at the dancer, who has disappeared)
..a trap.
(A curtain, previously invisible in the shadows, slides apart
to reveal the slug-like Hutt(?) And his entourage of bounty
hunters. Shampoo steps forward and levels her stun gun at the
duo.)

Shampoo: No see long time.

Hutt?(translated in subtitles): Well, well. Is my little bird
trying to leave his cage? (laughs)

Ryouga: Hutt! (thin smile) Hey listen, I'm just...you know...

Hutt?(subtitles): Don't even bother, Solo. Your fate is already
sealed.

Ryouga: Wait! Do whatever you want with me, but let the girl go!

Hutt?(laughs; subtitles): You are a gallant fool, Solo. (looks
at Akane; licks its lips) I think I may keep her around for a
while. She is...interesting.

Ryouga: NO! I won't let you!
(He steps forward threateningly. Shampoo pulls out her bonbori
and makes as if to attack.)

Akane: Ryouga! Watch out!

Ryouga: (looks around) Where?

Shampoo: Aiya! (tosses a bonbori which catches him in the chest)
Now go down! (leaps)

Ryouga: (buckled over) Why you... (looks up) YAA!
(He rolls to the side as Shampoo dropkicks, tearing apart a large
portion of the stone floor.)

Shampoo: How you dodge? You more blind than Mousse!

Ryouga: I...don't know...

Shampoo: No matter, Shampoo still beat you!
(She picks up her fallen bonbori and charges, swinging them in wide
arcs. Ryouga somehow dodges the first lunge, but isn't lucky again
as her second swing catches him on the head. He rocks back, dazed,
and Shampoo launches a grappling hook from her forearm which wraps
around him. She pulls the line taut, yanking Ryouga off his feet.
He cries out as he hits the floor. Hutt(?) laughs evilly.)

Shampoo: Hmph. You real stupid fight when blind.

Hutt?(subtitles): Very entertaining, Solo. Perhaps I will keep you
alive a little longer. (pauses) Take him away, Shampoo.
(Shampoo begins to drag the tied-up Ryouga off.)

Ryouga: (straining) Akane!

Akane: Ryouga!
(She takes a step towards him. Two other bounty hunters step
forward and restrain her. The slug beckons, and she is brought
over to him. She looks disgusted as it licks its lips.)

Hutt?(subtitles): And now, you are mine.
(In a dark corner on the other side of the room, the brown-
haired dancer smiles. The scene switches to a dim cell. The
door slides open and Shampoo shoves Ryouga in. It slides
closed and Ryouga stares about, apparently still blind.)

Voice: Solo-kun?

Ryouga: T-tarou?
(Tarou steps out of the shadows, a big smile on his face. He
clasps Ryouga's hand.)

Tarou: Solo-kun! It is you!

Ryouga: Tarou! Good to...uh...hear you again.
(Mousse steps out of the shadows, looking somewhat relieved.)

Mousse: Good day, Ryouga.

Ryouga: Who...

Tarou: That's just Mousse.

Ryouga: Mousse? But isn't Mousse...I mean, he sounds...almost
human.

Tarou: He is human.

Ryouga: Huh?

Tarou: Remember Cloud City? Well, Mousse got back in his human
body.

Ryouga: Wow. (stops) And Ukyou? She would have too! That
means that she and... (Tarou clears his throat) What?

Tarou(solemn): Ukyou's human body was killed.

Ryouga: (long pause) Oh, man. That's sad...

Mousse: Hai, Ukyou would agree with you.

Ryouga: (sits down with a sigh) Well, it doesn't matter anyway.
We're all doomed. (looks up at the ceiling) Doomed! There's
no hope.

Tarou: Don't get so down. I'm sure she's reasonable.

Ryouga: (starts) She?

Tarou: Oh yeah, you wouldn't know. The real brains here is
a girl that poses as a dancer.

Ryouga(pauses; quietly): How do you know that?

Tarou: (shrugs) It was obvious, the way she acted in that
meeting room. (smiles) It certainly wasn't like a dancer,
and that slug...if she had said "jump", he would have said
"how high?"

Ryouga: So it is true...

Mousse: What?

Ryouga: She told us-me and Akane-that this was all a trap.
(clenches his teeth) That I was just bait to lure you all here.

Mousse: But why would she do that?

Ryouga: (sighs) The Empire, most likely.

Tarou: I'm not so sure... (frowns) Either way, we have help
coming.

Ryouga: Help?

Tarou: Hai, Ranma will come soon.

Ryouga: Ranma? (sneers) That idiot couldn't save a dollar,
much less us.

Tarou: Don't be so sure. Ranma's a Jedi Ninja now.

Ryouga(disbelief): A Jedi?!? Yeah, right. That guy has about
as much chance of becoming a Jedi as I do.
(Tarou remains silent. The scene changes again, this time to a
better-lit room. It is oval-shaped, with tiny spheres evenly
spaced along the ceiling which give off a soft yellow light. A
rack covered with various feminine clothes covers one wall, and
a large makeup table and wall-length mirror the other. A door
at the far end opens, and Akane is shoved in by two pig-like
Gamorreans. She spins around, still in her armour, but is too
late as the door closes.)

Akane: Hey! What the heck do you expect me to do here? Those
barbarians...

Voice(from behind her): Get dressed.
(Akane whirls, to see the brown-haired dancer sitting at the
makeup table, applying mascara.)

Akane: You! (pauses) What do you mean?

R.Hutt: You asked what they wanted you to do. I answered. Get
dressed.

Akane: (puts her fists on her hips) In what?
(The dancer points at a metal bikini much like her own on the
rack.)

R.Hutt: In that.

Akane: You've got to be kidding. I'm not wearing that!

R.Hutt: (shrugs) You could always dance naked...you _can_
dance, can't you?

Akane(defensively): I'm a great dancer... (pauses; angry) Wait
a second! I'm not dancing for that...that slug!
(The brown-haired dancer smiles and puts down her mascara.
She swivels her chair to face Akane.)

R.Hutt: Really? Does that mean you're ready to deal now?

Akane: I told you, I don't deal with slimeballs.

R.Hutt(mock pain): I'm hurt, deeply hurt. You don't know
how much being called a slimeball by a traitorous outlaw
pains me.

Akane: Hey! The rebellion is not traitorous!

R.Hutt: (turns back to the mirror) If you say so.

Akane: My father leads the rebellion and...
(A pained expression appears briefly on the dancer's face,
but then it is gone.)

Akane: What is it?

R.Hutt(softly): Nothing.

Akane: You can tell me.

R.Hutt(irritated): It's nothing.

Akane: Please, I can help...

R.Hutt: (whirls on Akane in rage) I said it's NOTHING!
(Akane backs away; more normal tone) It's just that...
(softly) I never knew my father. (turns away)

Akane: What?

R.Hutt: When I was young...barely four...my...mother
and I were on a ship bound for... (hitch) ...for Nerima.
And... (pauses) ...the old Hutt captured the ship. I
was to become a slave, and my mother...my mother...(sob)

Akane(sympathetically): You poor thing...

R.Hutt: (smiles evilly, but Akane can't see) I was
determined not to end up like her. So I worked
(straightens) and worked and took over Hutt's entire
organization before he even knew what was happening.
And with Shampoo's help, I ensure that he would
obey _me_! (fiercely) And now I can finally kill him
for what he did... (she turns to Akane; expression
carefully modelled to be both sad and hateful) Now do
you understand?

Akane: H-h-hai...but...I can't deal with you...

R.Hutt(icy): Then you will die. (turns away)
(The scene shifts to the door of Hutt's palace, as seen
from the inside. A service droid is carefully welding a
plate of steel over a blasted potion of it. It putters
around lazily, squawking to itself in binary code. Then
a resounding thud comes from the plate. The droid looks
up in surprise, and a second thud sounds. The plate
squeals for a moment, then falls onto the droid, crushing
it. A boy stands revealed in the circular opening. He
has a loose brown robe on, which is covering a grey tunic
and black pants. He looks down at his hand, which is in
mid-knock, and we see his face. It is the boy from the
hologram. He looks down at the fallen sheet, then back at
his hand, then shrugs and steps through the hole and starts
down the hall. After about three seconds, an axe-wielding
Gamorrean rushes towards him, but Ranma gestures absently
with two fingers and the pig falls back, clutching his neck.
Soon Ranma has reached the hallway near the gathering room.
A man with bright white skin and an angular face runs up.
His most distinguishing feature is a single tentacle that
comes from the back of his head and wraps around his throat.)

Man: Jabba no barter.

Ranma: I must see Hutt.

Man(sternly): No, he mustn't be disturbed.

Ranma: [I'll have to use my manipulation powers...] You will
take me to see Hutt...

Man: No.

Ranma: (straining) You _will_ take me to see Hutt...

Man: You deaf? I said no.
(Ranma glares, then shrugs and grabs the alien by the
throat.)

Ranma(irritated): Listen pal, either take me to see Hutt
or I'm going to rip off that thing growin' out of your
head and shove it down your throat. Understand? (the
alien nods mutely) Good.
(The now-nervous alien leads Ranma into the room. Almost
everyone is asleep, the slug included. Akane, now in a
metal bikini like the other dancers, is dozing near the
slug while the brown-haired girl is leaning against the
wall watching Ranma curiously. Ranma stares at Akane,
who starts up.)

Akane: Huh? (blinks and sees him; excited) Ranma!

Ranma: Yo Akane, nice outfit. (waves)

Akane: Hey!

Ranma: Not that it looks good on a tomboy like...
(Akane leaps up and slugs him.)

Akane: You hentai! (Hutt[?] starts as Ranma staggers
back) And to think I thought you were here to rescue me.
Hmph! (turns away)

Ranma: Geez. What a violent...
(Akane makes as if to attack him again and he jumps away.
Meanwhile, Shampoo has also woken up.)

Shampoo: RANMA!

Ranma: What the...

Shampoo: NIHAO! (glomp)

Ranma: Yeeaaagh! Get off!

Shampoo: Ranma happy to see Shampoo? (snuggles her head
into his chest)

Ranma: Not you _again_! Don't you ever give up?

Akane: Well I see _you're_ certainly having fun; now if
you don't mind...

Hutt?(subtitles): What is going on here?

Ranma: (trying vainly to dislodge Shampoo) Hutt? Good.
I'm Ranma...

Shampoo(softly): Wo ai ni...

Ranma: ...Skywalker, a Jedi (Shampoo snuggles closer)
Ninja and...er...could somebody get her offa me?

Shampoo(surprised): Ranma no want Shampoo?

Ranma: (looks between Shampoo and Akane; sweats) I...that
is...not...I just got business to take care of...

Shampoo: (steps away; Ranma sighs in relief) Shampoo
understand...take on date after business?

Ranma: I-I'll get back to you on that...(mutters) You
think after Khyshak she'd...

Akane: What was that, Ranma?

Ranma: Nothing. (smiles thinly)

Hutt?(subtitles): This is all well and good, but I must
ask what you are doing in my home!

Ranma: Huh? Oh yeah. (clears throat and takes a step
forward) I have come to formally request the release of
all of my friends...or else.
(Hutt[?] laughs. The dancer has come over to Akane,
and whispers in her ear. Akane frowns, crosses her
arms, and shakes her head. Smiling, the dancer steps
away and nods curtly.)

Hutt?(subtitles): I don't think so, boy. You have made
a very foolish mistake.

Ranma: (steps forward, now on one of the dancer's pits)
Oh really? I'm warning you Hutt, I won't take no for an
answer.

Hutt?(laughs; subtitles): Then I will answer you this
way, young Jedi. (moves hand to a lever)

Shampoo(surprise and concern): AIYA! NO! Ranma, you
on...
(Ranma looks sharply at her as the slug pulls the lever.
Instantly, the pit under his feet opens up. Ranma falls
in and is dumped into a cavernous chamber formed out of
jagged rock. A gate closes again, and a grate appears
through which we can see all the creatures of the room
peering. The slug looks pleased, Akane and Shampoo
worried, and the dancer is smiling evilly.)

Akane: RANMA! (she gestures towards him helplessly)

Shampoo: Ranma! Be careful! Is pit of Doj...aiya! Is
too late!

Ranma: Doj what?
(Suddenly, a deep rumbling erupts from the far side of
the room. He whirls and watches as a large metal gate
begins to slowly retract into the ceiling. A shadowy
figure, nearly as large as a small house, ducks under
it and steps into the cavern. It is a man...sort of,
because it is nearly eighteen feet tall with a bloated,
pale body covered in a brownish gi. Its face is round,
with large, bulb-like eyes and a bald head. There are
large wooden rectangles strung together on a chain
wrapped around its shoulders. Upon closer examination,
we can identify them as signs.)

Ranma(shocked): A D-dojo destroyer! (backs away) [Mom
used to tell me about them from the old days on Dojo,
but I never...] H-he's huge!

Hutt?(subtitles): Dojo destroyer! Kill him!
(The destroyer groans an affirmative and casually
unwraps the chain from its neck. Ranma is still staring
in shock as it takes a sign and begins to swing it around
in ever-wider circles.)

Ranma: [How am I supposed to beat _that_?!?]

Destroyer: Wooooh, die!
(It swings the sign around one last time, then releases
it, sending it flying at Ranma. Ranma "gaahs" and leaps,
barely clearing the sign as it slices into the wall like
a dagger. He lands, but gets no respite as the dojo
destroyer launches another sign. Ranma rolls away
moments before his perch is crushed by the unusual
weapon. Ranma comes to his feet just as the dojo
destroyer pulls out another sign, swings it over its head
and launches it at him.)

Ranma: [That's it!] (he leaps up, and as the sign cleaves
into the rock, he uses it as a springboard to launch a
flying dropkick at the dojo destroyer which...bounces off
harmlessly) [That _isn't_ it!]
(Ranma lands in a crouch and the dojo destroyer looks
down at him with a smile. Then it takes the ends of its
sign chain and begins to swing it around like a pro-
peller. Ranma looks up and sees the whirling chain
slowly descending towards him.)

Ranma: [I've only got one chance. I've never tried this
outside a ship before...but I have more control now.]
(He stands up and glares defiantly at the dojo destroyer.
It hesitates, but then continues to lower the whirling
chain. When the chain is less than a foot above his
head, Ranma smiles. He rolls to the centre of the chain,
comes to his feet, and jumps up to clasp it firmly.)

Ranma: Take this, pal! HIRYU SHOTEN HA!
(Ranma lowers his feet to the floor and uses them to
spin the chain faster and faster.)

Destroyer: Uh ohhhh...
(The chain is now spinning out of his control, and the
signs are beginning to create a whirlwind.)

Shampoo(happy): Aiya! Ranma good!
(The chain is now moving so fast it looks like a disc.
Abruptly, the whirlwind changes into a cyclone which
rises from the floor to strike the dojo destroyer. With
it, it carries the rock and dust from the cavern floor.
Above, this deluge of dirt suddenly flies from the grate
to coat the entire room. There is a great deal of
coughing and hacking, then the dust slowly settles and
everybody looks back down in the pit. The dojo destroyer
is tied up in his own sign chain and vacant-eyed.
Sitting cross-legged on his head is Ranma Skywalker.)

Hutt?(subtitles): How...it's impossible!

Akane: (smirks) Ranma has a knack for doing the impossible.
(Shampoo is dancing around, waving her bonbori like pompoms.)

Shampoo: Ra! Ra! Ranma! Ra Ra Ranma! Yaa!

Hutt?(mutters; subtitles): Isn't she on my side? (louder)
Bring him to me, and his friends as well!
(Down in the pit, Ranma is standing on the dojo destroyer's
head, tapping his foot impatiently.)

Ranma: I wonder when they plan on letting me out of here?

Voice: AIYA!
(Shampoo tackles him from behind and forces him to the
floor, where she rolls him over an straddles him in a very
unladylike way.)

Shampoo: Ranma is very, very strong man! You beat dojo
'stroyer! Shampoo so happy!

Ranma: Gaah! Get offa me! You're almost as bad as that
Kodachi nut!

Shampoo: You silly, Ranma. Shampoo not nut, is girl.
(she brings her head up and looks deeply into his eyes)
Is very girl, who (softly) much, much happy to see you
okay...
(She closes her eyes and brings her face closer and
closer. Ranma is sweating _big_ time.)

Ranma: N-n-now, Shampoo! (looks for escape) Let's not
be hasty...

Shampoo(whispers): Wo da airen...
(She comes closer and closer, and...a large rock
smashes into Ranma's face, which Shampoo kisses. Her
eyes snap open and she looks up. Akane is standing in
the grate, wearing an infuriated expression.)

Akane(shouts): If you two are about done down there, we
have some _important_ things to tend to up here!

Shampoo(mutters): Who she think is? Shampoo almost...
(frowns) Come on, (pulls Ranma up) we go talk with boss.

Ranma: S-sure Shampoo...I love puppies...they're nice...
uhhh... (she drags him out)
(We now see Shampoo leading Ranma up a corridor, with
two Gamorrean guards following. Ranma looks annoyed,
and is rubbing his nose. Out of a door come three more
guards, leading Mousse, Tarou and Ryouga. All three
have their hands locked behind their backs.)

Mousse: (to a guard) Hello Ranma. (they continue along)

Ranma: I'm over here, Mousse.

Ryouga: (groans) Oh great, the idiot's here. That's
_just_ what I needed.

Ranma: Be quiet, piggy.

Tarou: Gentlemen, please. We have other concerns at the
moment.

Ryouga: One good thing about being blind, at least I
don't have to see Ranma's ugly mug.

Shampoo: You take back!
(They enter the meeting room, which is partially cleaned
up.)

Mousse: Shampoo! (glomps Akane as best he can)

Akane: Get off me!

Mousse: Princess? (steps back)

Ryouga: Akane! Are you okay? They didn't hurt you, did
they? (good thing he's blind, huh?)

Akane: No...not yet, at least. (looks at the slug and
grimaces)

Ryouga: Don't worry! I'll protect you!

Ranma(sneers): Like you could protect a cockroach, much
less Akane. You can't even find her.

Ryouga: I can so!

Ranma: Yeah? Prove it.

Ryouga: Uh... (looks about with his unfocused eyes) Maybe
later.

Tarou: (shakes his head) Children. I'm surrounded by
children...
(The slug clears his throat and utters a single syllable.)

Subtitles: You are to be executed for your insolence.
(nobody seems surprised) However, you have especially
displeased me, so instead of a simple disintegration,
you will be taken out to the dune sea and thrown into
the almighty plothole, where you will cease to exist
within this timestream. (everybody stares at the sub-
titles, then at the Hutt, then back at the subtitles)

Tarou(amused): That's a very descriptive language, to
say all that with one word.

Ranma: (to Mousse) Remind me again why I'm here?

Akane: To save Ryouga, you baka!

Ranma: (to Tarou) Like I said, remind me again... (Akane
slugs him)

(The scene shifts to a view of a sprawling, light brown
desert. Devoid of all life and as endless as time, it
defies the mind with its magnitude, dwarfing our pitiful
lives and showing us how truly powerful nature is. (ohh,
poetic...) A large, junk-shaped barge with an elaborately
decorated canopy flies over the sea of sand along with
several smaller, speedboat-shaped sand skimmers. On the
back of each sandskimmer is a nasty looking double-barrelled
blaster cannon, and each carries about half a dozen
bounty hunters. On the lead skimmer, Ranma, Ryouga, Tarou
and Mousse are all gathered in a group, guarded by Shampoo,
the demon-masked bounty hunter and a couple of Gamorreans.
Inside the barge, Akane is looking out a window at the
prisoner-laden skimmer. She turns around with a sigh and
nearly stumbles into a droid.)

Akane(irritated): Excuse me...huh?

Ukyou(who the droid turns out to be): Excuse yourself, why
don't you? (smiles)

Akane: W-what are you doing here?

Ukyou: (shrugs) What I do best: cooking, and... (brings up
her non-spatula arm so it can be seen through the window)
..other things. (smiles enigmatically) See you around.
(walks away)

Akane: (frowns in confusion) Now what...

Voice(from behind her): Ready to make that deal now?
(Akane spins, to see the dancer.)

Akane: Don't _do_ that!

R.Hutt: Sorry...well?

Akane: I told you I don't deal with scum.

R.Hutt: (smiles evilly) We'll see...
(Out on the prisoner's skimmer, Ryouga is leaning on the
rail.)

Ryouga: This is just...just horrible.

Tarou: We've been in worse.

Ryouga: No we haven't. And it's all my fault...

Ranma: Got that right.

Ryouga: Shut up! Your (mocking tone) "Jedi" powers
haven't done us much good either.

Mousse: Gentlemen, please. We must concentrate on a means
of escape.

Shampoo: Ha! You no escape! All go in plothole then Ranma
and Shampoo have happy life!

Tarou: (after a short pause) Shampoo?

Shampoo: Hai?

Tarou: You _do_ realize they plan to kill Ranma too.

Shampoo: What you talking? Shampoo's husband no die.

Mousse: Husband? [Could the Ranma she's talking about be...
nah.] (Moron's are eternal, be they human or droid)
(Presently, they come to a whirlpool-like pit that terminates
in a black hole about ten feet down. The other skimmers take
up a circular position around the pit while the prisoner's
sled hovers over the centre of it and the sail barge moves
to the edge. A droid appears in one of the barge's windows.)

Droid: The almighty Hutt wishes you a decent afterlife, and
hopes you will die an honourable death. Though should any
of you care to beg for mercy, please do so at this time.

Tarou(shouts): You tell that slimy, obnoxious, overgrown
piece of dog shit that we're about as likely to beg for
mercy as he is of going on a diet!

Ranma(mutters): Speak for yourself. (steps forward; shouts)
Hutt! I'm going to give you one last chance! Release my
friends...or die.
(Inside the barge, the slug laughs and grips Akane's shoulder.)

Hutt?(subtitles): I don't think so. (louder) Throw them in!
(In a dark corner, a crouched Ukyou is looking out a window.
She lifts her arm, and a carefully concealed panel in it
opens and two cylinders pop out. Each has a smaller cylinder
inside. She smiles. Outside, Ranma steps onto the plank
and Shampoo looks confused. Just then, the brown-haired
dancer steps out of the shadows behind Ukyou and places a
restraining bolt on her back. Ukyou's eyes widen and then
she is still. Back outside, Ranma brings his hand up to
his forehead, tosses out a salute and waits expectantly.
After a moment, he frowns.)

Tarou(mutters): Where is she? That was the signal...

Ryouga: We're all gonna die...I got you into this...

Tarou(snaps): Quiet, Solo-kun!

Ryouga: Sure, if you say so. (sighs)
(Meanwhile, Akane is looking out at the prisoner's skimmer.)

Akane: (frowns) Something's wrong...

R.Hutt: (sitting next to her) You can say that again.

Akane: What do you want?

R.Hutt: This is my final offer. Either give me what I want...
or he dies.

Akane: But you can't...

R.Hutt: (holds up a remote) I hold his fate in my hand. Agree
or...
(Outside, one of the guards gestures menacingly at Ranma, and
he takes another precarious step towards the edge. He frant-
ically gestures again.)

Akane: What do you mean?

R.Hutt: And Solo's next.

Akane: Ryouga...Ranma...you bitch!

R.Hutt(pouts): If you're going to be peevish...

Akane: (through clenched teeth) Fine, it's a deal!

R.Hutt: (smiles and leans back) I knew you'd see things my way.
(taps a button)
(In her dark corner, Ukyou is in the same position as before.
Abruptly there is a click, and the restraining bolt pops off.
She blinks.)

Ukyou: Huh? (sees the situation) Oh no...
(Outside, Ranma is forced to take another step and wobbles
_very_ precariously.)

Ukyou(shouts): RANCHAN!
(Immediately, the two tubes ignite and send the cylinders
inside hurtling towards the sled like rockets. Ranma sighs
in relief and steps off the plank, then twists, grabs the
edge and springboards back into the air. His hands snap out
and catch both cylinders. As he comes down, he throws the
one in his right hand, causing an explosion which slices one
of the bounty hunters off the skimmer and into the plothole
below. The other guard leaps up to the turret and swings
it towards the group. As he does this, the demon-masked
guard steps up to him and removes his helmet, revealing a
head that is at least three times larger than is possible
and is all green, slimy skin, writhing tentacles and sharp,
needle-like teeth. The guard cries out in absolute terror,
than stiffens and tumbles over the side and into the plothole.
Tsubasa pulls off the mask and smiles to himself.)

Tsubasa: I _love_ doing that.
(Ranma rushes over to Ryouga.)

Ranma: Here. (puts the cylinder in his hand) Take this.

Shampoo(confused): What go on, Ranma?

Mousse: We are initiating an escape, my most fair Shampoo.
(He swings his arm and launches a rope, which wraps around
a bounty hunter on the sail barge, then pulls him off and
into the plothole.)

Tarou: Tsubasa, take the cannon and cover us. Mousse,
defend against the barge. Ryouga, stay near me, while
Ranma takes out those bounty hunters.

Ranma: (begins deflecting blaster bolts from the other
skimmers) I know my job, Tarou.

Tarou: (turns to Shampoo) Are you with us or against us?

Shampoo: S-Shampoo no know...Shampoo confused...

Tarou: Well just remember: if you're against us, we'll
have to kill you and you'll have to kill Ranma.

Shampoo(shocked): No kill Ranma, love Ranma!

Tarou: Then you're with us, now help me!
(He picks up a spear and tosses it at a skimmer. It
strikes the repulser engine and the skimmer crashes,
taking six bounty hunters with it.)

Ranma: Nice shot.

Tarou: Thanks.
(Tsubasa, meanwhile, has hopped into the gunner's seat
and is strafing the other skimmers. Mousse cries out and
begins to raze the side of the barge with chains, ropes,
swords, bouquets, aerosol cans, really ugly dwarves and
various other weapontry. One of the skimmers manages to
get close and Ranma leaps over to it.)

Bounty hunter: (one of the six facing Ranma) Give it up, kid.

Ranma: I don't think so. (sticks his lightsabre into the
middle of the closely-packed group) MOUKO TAKABISHA SABRE
TECHNIQUE!
(The lightsabre blade expands into a sphere of energy that
throws the entire group of bounty hunters of the skimmer
and into the plothole. In the sail barge, the slug is wide-
eyed and foaming at the mouth.)

Hutt?(subtitles): What is the meaning of this?!? Kill them!
Kill them!
(A door opens behind him and the dancer and Akane walk out.)

R.Hutt(whispers): Here's your chance. Take this. (hands her
a long chain)

Akane(looks at it; whispers): What am I supposed to do with
this? (the dancer rolls her eyes and runs her fingers
across her neck in the classic gesture) Oh no. I'm not a
murderer.

R.Hutt(sneers): I should have known you were a wimp.
(takes it) Here, let me. (She sneaks up behind the slug,
calmly throws the chain around its neck and cinches it
tight. Akane gasps as the dancer pulls the chain, her face
determined. The slug gurgles, fighting for air without
success. Its tongue lolls out of its mouth. The dancer
pulls the chain even tighter and the slug gurgles out one
last word, then closes its eyes and slumps, dead. Akane
puts her hand to her mouth.)

Akane: Good God...

R.Hutt: (pats hands) If you want something done right...

Akane: (frowns) What was that he said? Just before he died?

R.Hutt: (shrugs) Nabiki. That's what my mother used to
call... (notices Akane's awed expression) What?

Akane: Y-you're...NABIKI?!?

Nabiki: Hai... (suspicious) Why do you ask?

Akane: (shakes head) No...it couldn't be...
(Outside, the prisoner's sled is slowly moving closer to
the sail barge. Ryouga has activated his Brella and has
it in shield mode to protect him from stray fire. Tarou
stands beside him, using a large sword to hold off two
hunters. Tsubasa continues to strafe with the double-
barrelled laser cannon, while Mousse is still tossing
weapontry at the side of the barge, keeping anybody
from setting up gun emplacements. Meanwhile, Ranma is
leaping from sled to sled slashing at bounty hunters with
his lightsabre. Shampoo has joined the battle on Ranma's
side, and is using her wrist blaster to cover him. On the
deck of the barge, Ukyou is battling her way to the rail.)

Mousse: I can't hold out against these people much longer.
(Tarou grunts and with a skilful slash, sends both his
opponents into the plothole.)

Tarou: Tsubasa, can you help him?

Tsubasa: (blasting at a passing sled) Not unless you want
those sandskimmers to swarm us.

Ryouga: This isn't going well, is it?

Tarou: Not exactly as we planned, no.

Ranma: (landing on the sled) I'm nearly worn out...(coughs)
Can't use the Force much longer...

Ryouga: Great. What else can go wrong?
(At that moment, a blaster bolt cuts past Mousse's defences
and sends him flying.)

Shampoo(strangely concerned): Mousse!

Tarou: You _had_ to ask, didn't you?
(Mousse groans and closes his eyes in pain. His glasses lie
beside him in pieces. Ukyou reaches the rail of the barge
and sends a cheering alien flying into the plothole.)

Ukyou: That was my friend you just shot! (looks over; shouts)
Hang on, guys!
(She vaults over the side, springboards off a skimmer passing
below and lands on the prisoner's sled. She leans over Mousse.)

Shampoo: How is?

Ukyou: He'll live, but only if we can get him to a treatment
centre.

Ranma: (deflects a bolt with his sabre) We need to destroy that
barge!

Tarou: Tsubasa! Forget the skimmers!

Tsubasa: Hai.
(He swings the turret to attack the barge. Three skimmers pull
up to the sled and bounty hunters begin to leap over. Ranma,
Shampoo and Tarou turn to face them, but they are outnumbered
and things look bleak.)

Ukyou: Tarou! Catch!
(She snaps out her arm, and a tiny canister shoots from it towards
Tarou.)

Tarou: Arigato.
(He snatches it and crushes it in his hand. Instantly, he is
replaced by a giant, winged minotaur. The bounty hunters
pause, but then one of them laughs.)

Bounty hunter: It's only a trick! Remember the mask?
(They step forward, then Tarou picks two of them up, slams
them together and throw them into the plothole.)

Shampoo: (impressed) Is some trick, ne?

Ranma: (slicing a hunter off the sled) Hai, it sure is...
(grunts as he barely parries a blaster bolt; to Ukyou)
Where's Akane? We have to get out of here!

Ryouga: (still hiding behind his shield) Akane...?

Ukyou: She was still on the barge last I saw, with the slug.

Ryouga: Akane...alone with the slug... (grits teeth) No...
(In the barge, Akane and Nabiki are walking down a corridor,
past a group of yelling bounty hunters.)

Akane: Can't you order them to stop?

Nabiki: (smiles wistfully) Unfortunately, no. Though I led
them, most don't recognize my authority. Only a few like
Shampoo know, and I made sure they weren't on this cruise.

Akane: Oh...
(They come to a door with a keypad next to it.)

Nabiki: Ah, here we are. (punches a few buttons on the pad;
the door opens) Quick, inside.
(They enter and the door closes behind him. Back on the
sled, the would-be escapees are being sorely pressed on all
sides. Tsubasa's turret is a smoking wreck, and he is
crouched next to Ukyou with blaster in hand. Tarou flies
above them, dodging cannon fire and plucking bounty hunters
off the skimmers to drop into the plothole below. Mousse
has climbed to his knees, and is defending himself with
Ukyou's help. Shampoo and Ranma are fighting side by side,
but are doing little to stem the tide of bounty hunters.
Ryouga is still crouched behind his shield.)

Ranma: We have to do something.

Ryouga: All my fault...if it weren't for me, you wouldn't
have come...
(He stands up, switching his Brella back to weapon mode.)

Ukyou: Ryouga-kun! Get down!
(She picks up a sniper with a well-placed spatula. Ryouga
stands in the middle of a hail of blaster bolts, but is miracu-
lously untouched.)

Ryouga: We're all doomed...Akane is with the slug... (his
Brella starts to crackle) Ranma is a Jedi...I'm helpless...
(Ranma stops in mid-swing and stares at Ryouga. Shampoo
knocks away his opponent.)

Shampoo: Why you no fight, Ranma?

Ranma(softly): Ryouga...
(Ryouga raises his sightless eyes towards the sky. The
Brella is starting to distort.)

Ryouga: ...all my hopes are gone...life has no meaning...

Shampoo: What 'bout Ryouga?

Ranma: The Force...he has the Force...
(Ryouga suddenly grips his distorted Brella with both hands.)

Ryouga: And it's ALL MY FAULT!!!! (pulls the Brella up,
pointing it at the sail barge; dramatically echoing voice)
SHISHI HOKODAN!!!!!!
(His Brella abruptly explodes, expanding into a sphere of
force that crackles like a thousand thunderstorms. Then it
shoots forward, becoming a beam of energy nearly as large
around as Ryouga's shield that blasts into the barge and
rips through it as if it was made of tissue paper, blasting
the superstructure apart and tossing pieces of metal across
the desert. The barge doesn't even have a chance to start
to crash before the beam of energy expands once more,
becoming a cone which consumes the entire thing in a blazing
greenish pyre. Only then does the energy shrink back into
the glowing Brella and shut down. Ryouga falls to his knees
and looks up, his face covered with sweat. The battle,
meanwhile, has stopped.)

Ryouga: A-akane... (collapses, unconscious)

Tsubasa(profound shock): In all the...

Ukyou: (wide-eyed) How did he _do_ that?!?

Bounty hunter(one of many): W-w-w-we surrender!
(All of the bounty hunters, apparently impressed with
Ryouga's little show, throw down their weapons and raise
their hands...or equivalents. Shampoo looks pleased, but
everybody else is too busy staring at Ryouga to notice.
Then Tarou, landing, grips Ranma's shoulder and forcibly
turns him to look at the sail barge. He snorts and growls
urgently.)

Ranma: Huh? What... (realization strikes; very, very
softly) A-akane...she was still...
(Ranma falls to his knees in shock in disbelief. Ukyou
blinks and looks over at them.)

Ukyou: What is it, Ranchan?

Ranma: Akane...she was still...still on the...

Ukyou(shocked): Oh no...no...it can't be, it just can't...

Voice(from above): Impressive.
(They all look up, to see a hovering speeder bike. Nabiki
is at the controls, with Akane sitting behind her.)

Ranma(supremely relieved): AKANE! You're okay!

Akane: (leaps down) Ranma! (sees Ryouga; gasps) Is he okay?
(She walks over and begins examining the fallen lost boy.)

Ukyou: How did you survive? (looks at Nabiki) And who are you?

Nabiki: To answer your first question, purely by luck. I had
this bike set up for our escape, but it was only by chance
that we got out before he blew the barge away.
(Tarou growls, trying to say something, then grunts is
exasperation.)

Ukyou: And my second-and more important-question?

Shampoo: She boss.

Ukyou: (arches an eyebrow) Oh...

Akane: It's the truth. (looks up from her careful examination
of Ryouga's face) She's Nabiki the Hutt, and she's the real
leader...

Nabiki: Former leader.

Akane: Former leader of these smugglers, and we owe her our
lives.

Ranma: Wow.
(Tarou snorts derisively.)

Ranma: (scanning Nabiki) Hmm...

Nabiki: (mocking smile) like what you see, Skywalker?
(Ranma backs off, waving his hands, but Akane is busy with
Ryouga. Ukyou, on the other hand, looks _very_ interested
in the proceedings.)

Ranma: n-no! Err...that is, you're not ugly, but I wasn't,
uh, I...that is...

Ukyou(peevish): Just spit it out, Ranma.

Tsubasa: (standing behind Ukyou) I did good didn't I,
Ukyou-sama?

Ukyou: (smashes her spatula into his face) Go away.

Tsubasa: (slides off the spatula and collapses) I see you're
still angry...uhhh...

Nabiki: (stepping into the sled) Well Skywalker, what _did_
you find so interesting?

Ranma: Well...I just feel as though we've...met somewhere before.
(Tarou moos curiously.)

Nabiki: (cocks an eyebrow) I'm sure I would have remembered
you...
(At this point, Tarou notices that the bounty hunters are
all still standing around with their hands in the air. He
bellows at them, and they all decide they have very pressing
engagements on the other side of the planet.)

Ukyou: Good work, Tarou.
(Tarou grunts noncommittally and shrugs.)

Nabiki: This is an interesting group you've thrown yourself
in with, Shampoo.

Shampoo: Shampoo no know them, Shampoo only like Ranma.

Nabiki: Right. (to Ranma) Well, what did you mean?

Ranma: (frowns) I don't actually recognize _you_...its your
aura. The way you feel, the sense of you is so familiar...
its like I've met you...or...

Akane: (looks up) Or a relative?

Ranma: (snaps his fingers) That's it! I've met a close
relative of yours before...

Akane(softly): Ranma, look at me.
(Ranma does so, keeping his eyes deliberately away from
the unconscious Ryouga. He studies her for a second, then
gasps in surprise. He looks at Nabiki, who looks confused,
then back to Akane, who looks hopeful.)

Ranma: It's...it's...it's YOU!
(Akane puts down Ryouga and stands up, tears glittering
in her eyes.)

Nabiki: What are you babbling about?

Ranma: It's _your_ feel, Akane!

Akane: ONEESAN!
(She runs over and hugs a surprised Nabiki. Tarou snorts
derisively, as if he already knew all this.)

Nabiki: Oneesan?

Akane: (steps back; tears rolling down her cheeks) You're
my sister, Nabiki Tendo, princess of Dojo!

Nabiki: Oh...really? If you say so. (shrugs)

Ukyou: (smiles) If I had tear ducts, I'd be crying.

Shampoo: (blows nose noisily on a tissue) Is very, very
happy union again.

Ranma(turns to Tarou; snorts): Women.

Akane: BAKA! (slugs Ranma) This is a happy moment!
(Tarou rolls his eyes.)

Nabiki: Does this mean I'll get an audience with King Soun?

Akane: An _audience_?!?

Ukyou: You'll be lucky if he doesn't hold a week-long party,
declare a galactic holiday and start up a church for you.

Nabiki(thoughtful): A church? Hmm...throngs of adoring
masses at my beck and call...

Akane(shocked): Nabiki!

Nabiki: Just a thought...

Mousse: (groans) Do you think maybe we could get to a
hospital? I am sort of almost dying here.

Shampoo: So?

Tsubasa: (getting up) Ugh...Ukyou-sama, why did you do
that? You should really find a more productive outlet
for your aggression...like beating up Ranma...
(Ukyou dumps the transvestite over the side and he lands
face-first in the sand. She pats her hands together.)

Ukyou: _Now_ we can leave.
(The scene shifts to an off-world view of Tokyo, as three
ships fly from it. One is a standard X-Wing, the second is
a disk-shaped ship with a wedge cut from the front, and the
last is a sphere with a long handle-like drive system. In the
cockpit of the X-Wing, a flight-suited Ranma is listening to
his comlink.)

Shampoo(over com): No worries, Ranma! Shampoo come back soon,
just tell family good news.

Ranma: What good news?

Shampoo: (laughs) You silly Ranma, Shampoo mean you! Bai-bai!
(Outside, the bonbori-shaped craft leaps into hyperspace.
Ranma sighs in relief.)

Ranma: Great, she's gone. Now you can tell me the real
rendezvous coordinates.

Akane(over com): Those _were_ the real coordinates.

Ranma: Ahh, what'd you go and do that for? We could have
lost her for good!
(The view shifts to the cockpit of the Hibiki Falcon. Tarou
is piloting, Akane is in the co-pilot's seat, Ryouga and
Ukyou are in the back.)

Akane: Ranma, that wouldn't be very nice-even to Shampoo.

Ranma: You've never been nice before, Akane. Why'd you have
to start now?

Akane(sweetly): Tarou, would you be a dear and blow Ranma o

Ranma: Tarou!

Ryouga: Hey Skywalker.

Ranma: What is it, P-chan?

Ryouga: (frowns) I was going to thank you for helping to save
me, but on second thought, forget it.

Ranma: (snorts) Don't thank me, man. If Akane hadn't locked
me in that airlock...

Ukyou: Ranchan?

Ranma: What is it, Ucchan?

Ukyou: Are you _sure_ you can't come back to the fleet with
us? It's going to be quite a show when Nabiki and Soun meet.

Ranma: Right, and he'll probably use it as an excuse to marry
me off to Akane. No thanks. Besides, I've got an old friend
I've got to meet...

Ukyou: Oh? Who is it?

Ranma(quickly): Just a friend...nobody special. [I've got to
become a full Jedi before Ryouga!]

Tarou: See you back at the fleet, then.

Ranma: As long as you don't let Ryouga steer; wouldn't want
to go to Coruscant.

Ryouga: Hey! That only happened...(thinks for a moment)...
three times!

Ranma: Hai. Later.
(Both ships leap into hyperspace. The scene shifts to the
forest moon of Endor. The skeletal Happoudaikarin is still
there, surrounded by TIE fighters, interceptors, avengers
and Assault Gunboats. Several dozen Imperial Star Destroyers
and the mammoth Super Star Destroyer patrol the perimeter.
We see a shuttle, escorted by a flight of TIE defenders. The
TIE's break off, and the shuttle glides into one of the
docking bays of the Happoudaikarin, its tri-wings folding up
for an easier landing. It settles to the ground before a
gigantic formation of stormtroopers, commandos and officers
standing rank on rank. A red carpet leads form the far door
to the descending ramp of the shuttle. Darth Saotome waddles
regally (how can a panda waddle regally? Don't ask me, I'm
just the writer) up the carpet with Admiral Harkov only a
few steps behind.)

Harkov: It seems your plan worked.

Saotome: {Hai, now for phase 2.}
(Just then, several figures emerge from the shuttle. They
are beautiful, long-haired women, dressed in skimpy red
costumes and carrying long polearms. They take up positions
along the carpet. Saotome and Harkov wait for a few
seconds...then a minute...then three minutes. Finally, the
panda turns to Harkov.)

Saotome: {Where is he?}
(Harkov shrugs, then his eyes widen.)

Voice: Howdy, Genma old boy.
(Saotome looks at his shoulder, where a foot and a half
tall, wrinkled old man is perched, smoking a pipe. The
panda "gaahs" and jumps.)

Saotome: {E-emperor Happousai!}

Happousai: (frowns) Genma, what have I told you about that
curse?
(He pours a teakettle over Saotome's head. Instantly, the
panda is replaced by a portly, bald man. The pieces of
armour instantly snap together, combining into a single
set which covers his entire body. He grins idiotically
as the translator equipment falls off.)

Genma: Never use it around you?

Happousai: Ex-zactly! (bops Genma on the head with his
pipe, driving him to his knees) Now explain what I'm doing
here.

Genma: W-well, master... (stands up)

Happousai: Did I say you could rise? (bop; Genma falls
again)

Genma: S...so sorry, master...

Harkov: Your excellency?

Happousai: Eh? Oh hello there, captain.

Harkov: Admiral, master.

Happousai: It was good, wasn't it...

Harkov: No, _I_ am an admiral.

Happousai: And you _will_ be a captain if you don't shut
up!
(Harkov stiffens, and Happousai cackles with delight.
Genma clears his throat.)

Genma: M-master?

Happousai: Yeeessss?

Genma: Would you like a tour of your new vaults?

Happousai: Of course. But first, _why_ do I have new
vaults?

Genma: To protect, them master. After all, wouldn't
your...resources be safer in the galaxy's most fearsome,
deadly, invincible weapon then on Coruscant?

Happousai: The _last_ one wasn't all that invincible.

Genma: Ah...uh... (sweats) Minor technical problem.
I assure you it's been fixed.

Happousai: (laughs) Okay, sure. (looks around) Well,
why don't we go see my precious treasures now?

Genma: Straight away, master. (smiles)
(The scene shifts again, this time to a ragtag fleet
made up of numerous ships. The largest one is shaped
like a giant rose, made entirely of black metal. The
view shifts to the bridge of this ship, where we see a
woman in a vice-admiral's uniform with long black hair
tied to the side in a ponytail. Next to her stands a
diminutive man in a general's uniform.)

Kodachi(angry): How _dare_ they!

Sasuke: I understand, mistress Kodachi...

Kodachi: No you don't! (shakes with rage) A second Happou-
daikarin! How could they!

Sasuke: I believe when you stopped...

Kodachi: And all because my worthless brother had to go
and get himself killed! Well I won't stand for it!

Sasuke: Perhaps you could...

Kodachi(suddenly gleeful): Ohohohohohohohoho! Perhaps I
shall destroy their precious weapon!

Sasuke(shocked): But that's im...

Kodachi: And I know just how to do it, too!

Sasuke: (sighs) I give up.
(The scene changes to the rebel fleet, made up of Corellian
corvettes, Nebulon-B frigates, Mon Calamari cruisers,
Zentran cruisers, an Outlanders starship and many others.
The view then shifts to a medilab. Nabiki, dressed in a
t-shirt and jeans, is sitting on a bed. A kind-looking
man in a green gi with wire-rimmed glasses is examining
her. Nearby, Akane and three other people stand. The
first is a tall man with long black hair and a moustache,
the second is a girl wearing a yellow and cream coloured
dress and long brown hair, and finally a woman also
sporting brown hair and wearing a white gi. The doctor
leans back with a smile.)

Akane(anxious): Well?

Tofu: I've studied her DNA coding, her fingerprints, and
even her aura, and I've come to the conclusion that...

Soun: Well?

Tofu: ...this is indeed Nabiki Tendo, daughter of Soun
Tendo and princess of Dojo.

Soun: (dancing around) Oh happy, happy, happy day! To
think that after all these years, we should be reunited!
(runs over and hugs Nabiki; tears of joy) Now, now my
life is complete, my family is together again, and...

Nabiki: Daddy...I can't breathe....

Soun: (leaps back) She called me _DADDY_! How wondrous
a day! Now, on this most joyous of occasions, only one
thing could make it better...Ranma and Akane's marriage!

Nabiki: (leans back) Gee, you weren't kidding about him.

Akane: There's just one problem dad, Ranma's not here.

Soun: He's WHAT? Not here?!?

Akane: He said something about seeing an old friend.

Nodoka: (frowns) You don't say...an old friend...

Soun: (doing an impression of Niagara Falls) To think
that Ranma would run out on his fiancee...

Akane: I am _not_ marrying Ranma, dad!

Kasumi: So how are you, Nabiki?

Nabiki: I'm wondering if it's too late to get out of
this family.

Kasumi: How nice.

Tofu: K-k-kasumi! (glasses fog up)

Akane: Uh-oh... (grabs Nabiki) C'mon, we gotta get out of...
(Tofu grabs Soun's arm and begins twisting it into a pretzel.)

Tofu: What a coincidence we should meet here, of all places!

Soun: My arm! My Akane! My Nabiki! Yaargh!
(Akane, Nabiki-who is staring-and Nodoka walk into the next
room. Tarou and Ryouga are waiting for them. Ryouga's
eyes are no longer unfocused.)

Ryouga(happy): Akane! Good news?

Nabiki(collected again): Depends on your point of view.
I'm her sister alright, but I'm not sure how good that is.

Tarou: (snorts) You're a Tendo, that's all I need to say.

Nodoka: Come now, this is a good thing. Family reunions
are always good. (to Ryouga) I see your vision has
returned.

Ryouga: Hai.

Nodoka: Where are the others?

Tarou: Ukyou went to droid maintenance to have all the
sand cleaned out of her system, and Tsubasa undoubtedly
is around there somewhere. As for Mousse... (shrugs) He
disappeared back on Tokyo.

Nabiki: Probably ran off after Shampoo.

Nodoka: Indeed...Nabiki?

Nabiki: Hai?

Nodoka: You said you had some information...

Nabiki: Ah yes, that. (smiles) Well, this is a freebie.
The Empire is building a second Happoudaikarin.

Nodoka: Oh dear...

Akane(shocked): Another...Happoudaikarin?!?

Ryouga(also shocked): You can't be serious!

Tarou(calm): How do you know this?

Nabiki: (smiles) Please. There is _nothing_ smugglers
don't know.

Tarou: Fine. Where is it? How far along is it? When
will it be finished? And how well defended is it?

Nabiki: (leans back) Now that is going to cost you.

Akane(doubly shocked): Oneesan!

Nabiki: Business is business, Akane. How about...say,
500,000 credits worth of negotiable goods?

Akane: But we're your family!

Nabiki: Okay, I'll give you the family discount.
Let's make it 499,990 credits worth.

Ryouga: I never would have thought...

Nodoka: We have no time to negotiate. If you truly
want the money you'll get it. I give you my pledge
as a Jedi.

Nabiki: Great. (pauses) Oh, and one other thing...
you may want to hurry with your plans because Emperor
Happousai himself is on the Happoudaikarin.
(Everyone looks shocked, especially Tarou.)

Akane: The Emperor...

Ryouga: This is it, then. Our big chance.

Nodoka: Hai. (fierce) Our chance to destroy Emperor
Happousai once and for all.

Tarou(softly): Emperor..._Happousai_...

Akane: Hai, Happousai. That is his name.

Tarou: (leaps up) I never...heard his name before...
(growls) So _he_ is the Emperor! I should have known!

Nabiki(intrigued): Oh? Who?

Tarou(absolute loathing): HAPPOUSAI! He who is
responsible for my most gruesome curse, my most
heavy cross to bear! The one I have sworn to kill
no matter the cost!

Nodoka: What did he do to you?

Tarou: (turns his head away) No! It is too horrible!
I could not stand it...

Akane: What could he possibly do to you that was so
horrible?

Tarou: You just don't understand...

Akane: Tarou...I want to understand.

Tarou: (stands tall and stiff) Very well. But I warn
you, if this drives you away from me... (dark tone) I
_will_ kill you.

Nabiki: I think I'll go back to Tokyo now.

Ryouga: Tarou, you don't have to do this...

Tarou: No, Solo-kun, I think I must. I can no longer
bear this burden any longer. (steels himself) Happousai
has given me a curse twenty, no, a hundred times more
awful than any curse of Jyusenkyou... (everyone waits
in breathless anticipation) he...he n-named me...
(bursts out) he named me PANTYHOSE!
(Tarou cringes. Everybody except Ryouga blinks.)

Akane: So?

Tarou: Huh?

Nabiki: He named you Pantyhose...so what?

Tarou: But...

Nodoka: There are many unusual names in the galaxy,
Tarou.

Akane: Hai. For example, there's this guy on my
dad's cabinet-the one we call Bob? Well, his real
name is "I'm a stupid pathetic dork".

Tarou: You mean my name isn't that bad?

Nabiki: Compared to _his_, it's pure poetry.
(pauses) Not that it isn't a bad name, just that
it isn't as bad as you thought.

Tarou: Well it's still horrible. (seems a trifle
defensive)

Nodoka: If you say it is, dear. After all, we
have not had to live with it.

Tarou: (nods vigorously) You don't know the horrors
I've gone through...

Nodoka: And I suggest, Tarou, that you give up your
hatred for the Emperor. That leads you dangerously
close to the Dark Side.

Tarou: (swings around to look at her; seems slightly
startled) But I'm not a Jedi. I don't have to worry
about that.

Nodoka: (stern frown) No Tarou, everyone must fear the
Dark Side. It is not so choosy in who it claims.

Nabiki: Well now that that's over with, let's talk
about the Happoudaikarin.
(The scene changes to a view of the mysterious planet
of Jyusenkyou. A lone X-Wing with Ranma's blue markings
flies towards it. The view shifts again, this time to
the jungle-like surface. Ranma is making his way through
the dense foliage, absently using his lightsabre to cut
down vines, limbs, and annoying little green things with
big eyes. He begins to circle around a large pool.)

Ranma: [Now where is that hut...ah, I think it's this
way...]
(He moves through a particularly dense thicket and
emerges at the edge of a wide, swampy plain. At the
other end is a neat and tidy mud hut (oxymoron?). Ranma
smiles to himself and begins to leap from dry patch to
dry patch until he is standing next to the hut. He
then moves to the door and knocks.)

Ranma: Cologne? (there is no answer; knocks again)
Cologne?
(Suddenly, running footsteps can be heard inside. They
grow closer and closer until they are just on the other
side of the door, then it flies open and...)

Shampoo: NIHAO!
(She tackles Ranma to the ground with an enthusiastic
glomp. Her bounty hunter armour is gone, replaced by
a loose outfit of pink silk.)

Ranma: Sh-sh-sh-sh-SHAMPOO?!? What in the name of the
Force are you doing here?

Shampoo: (lays her head comfortably on his chest)
Shampoo so happy you come see... (blinks, then raises
her head to look at him) How you find?

Ranma: (trying unsuccessfully to extricate himself)
I...I...didn't find you...or at least I wasn't trying
to find you...

Shampoo: (sits up, allowing Ranma to crawl away) No,
how you find planet?

Ranma: (blinks) I've been here before... (stands up)

Shampoo: You have?

Ranma: What are _you_ doing here?

Shampoo: Shampoo come visit great-grandmother, she not
feel well...

Ranma: Wait a sec...Cologne...is your great-grandmother?!?

Shampoo: Hai...what is problem?

Ranma(weakly): Nothing...nothing at all...

Shampoo: (smiles) Good, you come see. Great-grandmother
need meet husband.

Ranma: We've met.

Shampoo: Aiya! (jumps up) Then you come see again!
She not well, maybe you cheer up?

Ranma: Not...well...oh no...
(The scene shifts to the inside of the hut. A diminutive
old hag with green skin and long white hair is lying,
bundled in a blanket, in a sleeping nook in the wall.
She looks sick, and is coughing almost constantly. Ranma
and Shampoo are sitting on the floor nearby. Behind
them, in a cage, a strange-looking duck with glasses is
in a cage, quacking angrily.)

Ranma(softly): Can she talk?
(Cologne whacks him on the head with her staff.)

Cologne: Ask me yourself, boy.

Ranma: (rubs his head) Hey! That's my...

Cologne: (coughs) What are you doing here, boy?

Ranma: I came to complete my training.

Cologne: (cough) I can (hack) not do that... (coughing
fit)

Ranma(concerned): Are you dying?

Cologne: (bops him again) No! (coughs) You didn't
let me finish.

Ranma: But...

Cologne: What? You think Jedi don't catch colds?
(hack) The Force is strong, boy, but not _that_ strong.
(coughing fit) What I was trying to say is that I can't
do it _now_! Maybe later, come back (cough) in about
a month.

Ranma: (blinks) Uh...sure...I have one more question.
(Cologne, who had already turned away, sighs and rolls
back.)

Cologne: Very well, but make it quick.

Ranma: Okay. (seriously) Is Darth Saotome my father?

Cologne: (after a long pause) You sure know how to ask
them, don't you? (sighs and coughs) Very well...hai,
Darth Saotome is your father.

Ranma: (stands up; angry) Why didn't you tell me?

Cologne: Do you admit your mistakes easily?

Ranma: (pauses) Well... (sits down) Wait. What do you
mean by mistake?

Cologne: Genma Skywalker (cough) was my first mistake.
He came to me (cough; hack) wanting to train himself
and you in the way of the true Jedi. Not those mealy-
mouthed, whiny (cough) "I must preserve all life" Jedi
that existed off of Jyusenkyou. (long pause; sniffs
disdainfully) He was not prepared. He wandered off one
day and found _him_.

Ranma: Him?

Cologne: (eyes narrow) An ancient Jedi of the Dark Side.
Twisted and perverted beyond all hope of redemption, and
so powerful that he could not be destroyed, only confined.

Ranma: The Emperor.

Cologne: Very good, boy. I didn't think (cough) you had
it in you. (pauses) We had imprisoned Happousai in a
cave not far from here and then the Jedi left, leaving
me and a few others to care for the planet and become
Happousai's wardens. (coughing fit) The Jedi used their
powers to try and eradicate all memory of this planet
from non-Force users. Slowly, (cough) all my peers,
(hack) even my daughter left here.

Shampoo: But Shampoo come back when old enough!

Cologne: (nods) And so did Genma. (frowns) I wasn't
watching him closely enough. I was too busy trying to
put some knowledge in you. (coughs) You were very
receptive at that age, unlike now.

Ranma: Hey!

Cologne: (bop) Quiet. (clear throat) Genma found Happou-
sai's hiding place and unwittingly released him. As soon
as the old lech (Ranma arches an eyebrow) escaped, he
used his dark knowledge to tempt Skywalker to the Dark
Side and made him his pupil. (coughs) I learned of this,
and knew he would come for you next, so I went to face
him. (cough) You snuck along, despite my instructions
not to... (sighs) I won't bore you with details of the
battle. Suffice it to say that both you and your father
received your curses that day. You ran off, and I was
forced to give chase, (cough) which left Happousai time
to secure his hold over Genma. When I found you, I de-
cided it was best to clear your memory and return you to
your mother. (coughing fit) I explained what had hap-
pened to your father, and cautioned her to hide you from
Happousai.

Ranma: So _that's_ why we went to Tokyo, and why she
was so reluctant to teach me anything. (frowns) But
why didn't she tell me? (growls) She could have told
me the truth!

Cologne: Could you have accepted the truth?

Ranma: I guess we'll never know now. (sighs) Well, I
suppose I'll be going...

Shampoo: Wait Ranma, we no speak good news!

Cologne: (eyes narrow) Good news?

Shampoo: You member Shampoo tell you 'bout strong man?

Cologne: (looks at Ranma in disbelief) You mean...him?!?
He's the man you wish to marry?
(The duck stops in mid-quack, stunned into silence.)

Ranma: (thin grin) Uh...heh heh...I'm sure we can talk
about this...
(The duck begins jumping about, frantically waving its
wings and quacking angrily.)

Shampoo: What talk, Ranma? (glomp) We marry right now,
be happy!

Cologne: (grins) Congratulations, boy.

Ranma: (trying to pull off Shampoo) I'm not marrying her!

Cologne: Oh, but you will. (smiles evilly) That is, if
you wish to become a Jedi.

Ranma(stops; flabbergasted): [She can't...no, she's
serious.] (the duck grows angrier) [I don't want to
marry Shampoo, but I have to become a Jedi...]
(The duck quacks one last time, and snaps up its wings.
Suddenly, multiple knives pop out of the wings. Ranma
leaps away-sending Shampoo to the floor-as the duck
slashes open the cage and flies at Ranma.)

Ranma: What the...

Shampoo: Stupid! Get back in cage!
(Ranma dodges, and the duck flies over his head and
through an open door. Ranma spins, slams the door
closed, and sighs in relief.)

Ranma: Where does that door lead?

Cologne: (sighs) The bathroom.
(Suddenly a pike shoots through the door and stops five
millimetres from Ranma's nose. He jumps back, and a
second weapon-this one a claw-sticks through another
portion of the door. Then someone begins to tear it
apart.)

Ranma: (getting into a defensive pose) Who...
(The door splinters and falls apart, to reveal Mousse,
in his robe, multiple blades sticking from his sleeves.)

Ranma(surprised): Mousse?

Mousse(enraged): Yoouuuuu... (growls) You're the one
who stole my Shampoo! You took away my love...you're
responsible for my curse!

Ranma: What are you talking about?

Cologne: The fool walked into the spring of drowned
duck when he followed Shampoo here.

Ranma: But how can a _duck_ drown...

Mousse: You destroyed my happiness, Skywalker...
(shouts) So I'll destroy YOU!
(Mousse swings up his arms and launches half a dozen
mace-tipped chains at Ranma. Instantly, his lightsabre
is out and he slices them away. Mousse ducks and throws
a stream of tiny spheres onto the floor. Ranma backs
away, and is thrown off-balance by the marbles. He
begins to flail wildly, and Mousse charges into him,
catching Ranma with his shoulder. Lifting him up,
Mousse smashes Ranma into the wall of the hut, which
gives way with a crack, dumping them both outside.
Ranma grimaces, but lets himself fall, then uses his
momentum to kick Mousse high into the air. Mousse
manages to land on his feet and spins to face Ranma,
who has already stood up.)

Ranma: Mousse? Why are you fighting _me_, man?

Mousse: (points accusingly at him) You stole my Shampoo's
heart! For that, you deserve no less than death!

Ranma: I don't want to fight you, Mousse, especially over
_her_. You can have Shampoo.

Mousse: (a claw extends from his sleeve) YOU LIE!!! No
man can resist her! You're trying to get me to lower my
defences!

Ranma: (brings lightsabre into offensive position) I
don't need you to lower your defences, Mousse. I'm a
Jedi Ninja and I can easily take you.

Mousse: That we shall see! (leaps at Ranma) DIIIIEEEE!
(Mousse comes down with his claw, but Ranma merely kicks
him from the air. Mousse lands in the mud, rolls himself
over and launches a chained sickle at Ranma, who absently
slices it apart with his lightsabre. Mousse rises to his
feet as both Shampoo and Cologne exit the hut.)

Ranma: Had enough yet?

Shampoo: (waving two bonbori like pompoms) Ranma! Ranma!
He Shampoo man, he no do, no one can! Aiya!

Mousse: (spits) Never. Not until Shampoo is mine!
(shakes with rage) I will not be beaten!
(Ranma runs at Mousse, concentrating intently. Mousse
smiles and leaps into the air.)

Mousse: TAKA ZUME KEN!
(Mousse suddenly flips over and comes down at Ranma with
gigantic claws attached to his feet. Ranma tosses his
lightsabre, and it begins to spin, forcing Mousse to come
down at an awkward angle, straight into Ranma's fist.
Ranma grabs Mousse by the neck and flips him towards a
nearby tree, then allows the lightsabre to slide back
into his waiting palm. Mousse begins to fall, then snaps
a whip around a tree limb and flips himself onto it.)

Ranma: I haven't even begun to fight, Mousse.

Mousse: (growls) You force me to play my trump card,
Skywalker.

Ranma: Oh? And what's that?

Mousse: (smirks) THIS!
(He waves his arm and tosses a round object at Ranma...a
thermal detonator! Ranma "eeps" and leaps high into the
air as the explosive hits the ground and goes off, making
a large crater and spraying mud everywhere. Mousse laughs
and throws three more detonators at Ranma. He leaps, rolls,
and flings himself to the side, barely avoiding the blast
radius of the last one. Mousse springs from the tree and
launches another detonator. Ranma backpeddles, but is
unable to escape this one and is picked off his feet and
flung into a thin pool of stagnant water. Instant girl.
As she slowly begins to get up, Mousse lands.)

Mousse(mocking tone): Had enough yet?

Ranma-chan: (growls) Why you... (stands up) I didn't want
to do this to you, Mousse, but... (brings up her lightsabre)
I'm going to have to teach you a lesson!
(She cries out, then leaps impossible high into the air and
sends her sabre spinning at Mousse. He ducks, but the sabre
shifts in it's flight path and nicks his back, driving him
to his knees. Ranma-chan, still floating in midair, makes
a sweeping motion and a fallen tree limp flies over and
smashes Mousse in the face. The boy is flung onto his
back, and Ranma-chan gestures again, lifting him up and
tossing him into a tree. Mousse collapses, out of breath
and badly battered, as Ranma-chan floats gracefully to the
ground. She waves her hand, and the lightsabre flies into
it and ignites with a hiss. Walking over to Mousse, she
lifts his head by the hair and presses the glowing blade to
his neck.)

Ranma-chan(low, deadly tone): I _should_ kill you, Mousse.
But you were my friend, so I'll just... (tosses Mousse into
the same pool of stagnant water, instant duck) ...teach you
a lesson.

Shampoo(impressed): Aiya. Ranma is very good, powerful
Jedi.

Ranma-chan: (shakes her head; blinks) Huh? Wow. I didn't
know I had it in me.

Cologne: (hobbles over) Neither did I, (cough) boy. (eyes
narrow) That was beyond your power. At this stage you
shouldn't have been able to manage that.

Ranma-chan(arrogantly): Well, maybe you just underestimated
me. Maybe I'm more powerful than you thought. (grins
evilly) I think I've learned more than you can teach me,
Cologne. I don't need you. (starts to walk away) Later,
you old hag. Keep your worthless knowledge _and_ your
great-granddaughter.
(As soon as Ranma-chan is out of sight, Cologne bounces
over to Shampoo.)

Cologne(urgently): Follow him, granddaughter! Do not let
him escape you!

Shampoo: No worries, great-grandmother, Shampoo know what
do.
(The scene changes back to the rebel fleet, then to a large,
bowl-shaped room. The middle is occupied by a large holo-
platform disk, which is further surrounded by a donut-like
lecture space. Then the bowl curves up to bleacher-like
seats with stairwells at regular intervals, which lead to
doors in the walls. The room is filled with rebels of all
races-Human, Calamari, Bothons, Salusians, and so on-and
ranks. Akane leads Ryouga in, they walk down to the lecture
area and walk around the disk. Two other figures come into
view. It's Tarou and Ukyou, who are talking amiably. Tarou
is in a grey uniform, while Ukyou has "fruit salad" adhered
to her artificial clothes. Ryouga blinks upon seeing this.)

Ryouga: A general? (walks up) You old dog you, I never
thought they'd make _you_ a general.

Tarou: (snorts) Believe it, Solo-kun. It looks like at
least some of them have brains. I'm still surprised that
she (jerks a thumb at Ukyou) got her rank.

Ryouga: Rank?

Ukyou(proudly): Field commander, covert ops specialist.
(winks) I threatened 'em into it.

Akane: Actually, the council decided to recognize that she
was a sentient person. (smiles) It helped that Nodoka,
Soun, Tofu and I were on her side.

Ryouga: Congratulations. Well, I hope they had the good
sense not to give Ranma a command.

Tarou: For once I agree with you about Ranma, but they
_did_ try.

Akane: You mean Soun tried, and Ranma...less than gracefully
declined.

Ukyou: (chuckles) I think Ranchan's exact words were "Take
your rank and shove it where the Force can't penetrate."

Ryouga: (sniffs) That's Ranma for you, always thinking of
himself.

Tarou(amused): Aren't you the one who just said he shouldn't
have a command?
(Ryouga is spared from having to answer this question when
Nodoka asks everyone to take their seats. The four friends
sit together at the edge of the bowl. Nodoka, Soun, Nabiki
and several generals stand to one side of the holoplatform.
Soun clears his throat.)

Soun: My fellow rebels, a grave emergency has arisen that
requires our immediate action. Here with the details is
Nabiki, former smuggler and current rebel ally.

Ryouga(whispers to Akane): _Just_ an alliance ally?

Akane(whispers back): She wants her identity kept secret
until she "feels out" the people. She said she want to be
the major information and supply source.

Tarou(whispers): And with her brains, she's likely to do it
too.

Nabiki: (steps forward) Members of the rebel alliance. My
associates and I have discovered something vital to your
survival, and for a mild fee, have agreed to divulge this
information to you.
(She points a baton at the holoplatform. Instantly it hums
to life, forming a transparent, 3-D image of a large metal
sphere. The original Happoudaikarin.)

Nabiki: I assume you all recognize this? (there is a
murmured assent) Good, because the Empire is constructing
a second one.
(She pauses a moment to allow this to sink in to the now-
stupefied rebels. Then, she points her baton again and the
hologram changes, to be replaced by a faraway view of a
triple-planeted solar system.)

Nabiki: This system is located in the colonies. My people
were using it as a base until the Empire set up construction
facilities (the hologram zooms into a moon revolving around
a gas giant) on the forest moon of Endor. They began building
this. (a sphere appears, orbiting the moon; it is the skeletal
Happoudaikarin) This Happoudaikarin is twice as powerful as
the last one. However, it is vulnerable to attack during
this phase of construction. In addition, we know that Emperor
Happousai (Tarou growls) himself is on the fortress. Now the
Empire is at its most vulnerable. Needless to say, this is
the moment for you to strike. (steps away)

Nodoka: (walks forward) Though our fleet has nearly doubled
in size since the miraculous victory at Dojo, we are still
no match for the Imperial navy in a long engagement. There-
fore, speed is a necessity in our plans. (she lifts a baton)
The Happoudaikarin has three main defences: secrecy, which we
have annulled, the fleet (she gestures and three dozen or so
Star Destroyers appear), and a shield. (she gestures again,
and a shimmering shield sprouts from the forest moon to com-
pletely surround the fortress) Generated from the moon, this
shield is far too powerful for any of our weapons to breach
it. However, using a stolen Imperial shuttle and codes
provided by Nabiki, we will insert a small commando force on
the moon to destroy the shield generators. (she points at
the hologram and Endor disappears as the Happoudaikarin
enlarges) At this point, I will lead our capital ships in a
holding action against the Star Destroyers. However, the
real attack will begin when our fighters attempt to destroy
the fortress. General Tarou will lead the assault.

Tarou: (stands up and takes the baton) Arigato, Admiral.
(gestures and the layers of metal disappear, showing a
tunnel leading into the fortress) This is the superstructure
of the Happoudaikarin. We will fly to this, (points to a
pulsing light in the middle) the internal reactor core.
When we destroy it, a chain reaction will occur that should
(the light flares, consuming the Happoudaikarin) destroy it
and the (fiercely) _Emperor_ once and for all.
(He sits down, and the hologram disappears. Nodoka steps
forward again.)

Nodoka: Arigato, Tarou. The ground assault will be led
by Commander Ukyou. (there are some grumbles, but Ukyou
silences them with a glare) Have you assembled your forces,
commander?

Ukyou: Hai, I've already chosen my assault force, but I
need a command crew for the shuttle.

Ryouga: I'll go. (looks at Akane) You'll need a good pilot.

Akane: Me too. (Ukyou sighs, but nods)

Voice: Count me in.

Ukyou(whirls; excited): Ranma!
(Indeed it is Ranma Skywalker standing at the top of the
steps. As he starts down, Akane begins to smile, then
quickly wipes it from her face and glares at him. Ryouga
cuts straight to the glare; Tarou yawns. Nodoka looks
relieved.)

Ukyou: It's good to have you along, Ranchan.

Ranma: (smiles) Anything to help my friends, Ucchan.

Akane(angry): And just where have you been, Skywalker?

Ranma(evasively): Around.

Nodoka: Hello dear.

Ranma(cool voice): Mother.
(Nodoka blinks, as do Ukyou, Akane and Ryouga. Tarou is
discussing strategy with a pilot. At that moment, Shampoo
bursts in and hurls herself at Ranma.)

Shampoo: RANMA! Shampoo here! (glomp)
(The duck flies in and begins circling Kasumi's head,
quacking angrily.)

Kasumi: Why hello, Mousse. (pauses) Have you done something
with your hair? You look different.
(The duck dives at Ranma and begins pecking at him. Ranma
swats him away.)

Akane: Mousse?

Ranma: Oh, Mousse got cursed. (pushing on Shampoo) Get off
of me!

Ryouga: Cursed? (blinks; stands up) You mean Mousse has been
to Jyusenkyou?

Ranma: I guess so, ask him yourself. (to Shampoo) I told
you...

Akane: (plowing her fist into Ranma's face) We have more
important things to do! (steps back; indignantly) Honestly!
Flirting in the middle of a meeting...

Shampoo: Husband want Shampoo take us lone place?

Ukyou: (easily plucking Shampoo off) Get off Ranchan, you
bimbo!

Shampoo: Shampoo no bimbo! (steps away) She only try be
'lone with husband!

Ukyou: (combat stance; dangerous tone) Ranma isn't married
to you.

Shampoo: He be (combat stance) soon!

Nodoka: (puts her lightsabre between them) That is enough!
There will be no fighting in this rebellion.

Ukyou(puts her arms down; remorseful): I apologize, Admiral.
I allowed my feelings to get the better of me. It won't
happen again.

Nodoka: I understand. (to Shampoo) Sit down, girl.

Nabiki: Do as she says, Shampoo.

Shampoo: (sitting next to Ranma) Whatever boss say.

Nodoka: Good. (to Ukyou) Do you _now_ have your command crew?
(Tofu is pouring a thermos out on the duck in the background.)

Ukyou: Almost. With Ranma along I have four, but...

Shampoo: Aiya! If Ranma go somewhere, then so go Shampoo!

Ukyou: Listen...

Nodoka: (nods) Excellent idea. Shampoo is a fine tracker,
_and_ she's familiar with Imperial protocol.

Ukyou: (sighs) Very well.

Mousse: (steps forward) If Shampoo is coming, Ukyou, I too
shall go. I must protect her.

Ukyou: I guess I could use you, Mousse...
(The holoplatform suddenly sprouts a head.)

Tsubasa: Ukyou-sama! I want to come too!

Ukyou: oh no! You're definitely not...

Ranma: (frowns) No, let him come.

Ukyou(surprised): Ranchan?

Ranma: I don't know why...I just feel he should come.

Nodoka: It's called a "feeling" Ranma. All Jedi get them
from time to time.

Ranma(coldly): If you say so.

Ukyou(irritated): Is there anyone else who just _has_ to
join us?
(A person in the back begins to raise his hand, and Ukyou
knocks him out with her spatula.)

Nodoka: Very well everybody, let's get to our stations.
May the Force be with you. (face it, _somebody_ had to
say that)
(The meeting begins to disperse, and we switch scenes to
a hangar. Several fighters of various types are scattered
around, with the Hibiki Falcon in the middle and an Imperial
Tyderian shuttle off to one side. Ukyou is overseeing the
loading of supplies into the shuttle, while Tarou and Ryouga
are near the Falcon.)

Ryouga: (obviously he's been talking for a while) ...and
don't forget to compensate for that faulty servo...

Tarou: I know how to pilot the Falcon, Solo-kun. Probably
better than you do.

Ryouga: (sighs) I know Tarou, it's just... (looks at the
shuttle) I may never see the ship again.

Tarou: (cocks an eyebrow) Oh?

Ryouga: I may not come back from this mission.

Tarou: (snorts) You'll survive.

Ryouga: That's not it...it's just that... (chocked sob)
Akane...she doesn't... (shakes head)

Tarou: I understand how you feel, Solo-kun, but you can't
give up.

Ryouga: (sighs) No Tarou, I have to accept it. This will
be my last mission as a rebel...one way or another.

Tarou: Then it will be my last mission as well.

Ryouga: No Tarou, I need to be alone. You have friends
and influence here, don't give them up for me.
(Tarou is silent and stoic as he clasps Ryouga's hand in
acknowledgement of his friend's wishes.)

Ryouga: I'm just sorry I couldn't pilot for you, pal.

Tarou: (snorts) With your sense of direction? We'd be
lucky if we even reached the fortress, much less...

Ryouga: So who _is_ your co-pilot?

Tarou(pained): Please don't mention co-pilots.

Ryouga: (blinks) Why?
(At this moment, a scrawny boy with large, dark circles
under his eyes and pale skin walks up to them.)

Gosunkugi: Are you ready to go? Not that it really mat-
ters, since this is all a trap. We'll walk right into it
and be blown to kingdom come, the Empire will win, the
universe will fall and all hope will be crushed.

Ryouga: (backing away) Oh...I see...

Tarou(pleading): Don't leave me with him!

Gosunkugi: We've already lost, I don't see the point
in fighting...
(The scene changes to show the Tyderian shuttle leaving
dock and heading to the front of the fleet. In the
cockpit, Ryouga is flying with Ukyou in the co-pilot's
seat. Akane is standing behind them, glaring at Ranma,
who is making rabbit-ears over Ryouga's head. Tsubasa is
sitting at the astrogater's position, Shampoo is gazing
longingly at Ranma, and Mousse is gazing longingly at...
Ukyou?...uh, well, you know who he thinks he's gazing
longingly at.)

Tsubasa: Hyperspace calculations complete.

Ukyou: This is shuttle Takahashi; preparing for lightspeed.

Nodoka(over comm): Roger. Goodbye, and may the Force be
with you. (she said it again! Pretentious, isn't she?)

Ukyou: And with you. (she grabs the hyperspace lever) Here
we go.
(She pulls it down and the starfield outside becomes starlines,
then the molted rainbow of hyperspace. After a few moments, it
exits hyperspace and the enormous bulk of the Executor looms
into view. Ranma sits back.)

Ranma: Big.

Ryouga(sarcastic): Naw, it's like a child's toy.

Ukyou: Shh. Ryouga, keep us steady. All right, Tsubasa,
it's showtime.

Imperial(over comm): Tyderian shuttle, identify yourself
and your cargo.

Tsubasa(heavy; authoritative tone): This is transport Taka-
hashi, carrying medical supplies for the forest moon.

Imperial: Acknowledged. Your cargo manifest checks out.
Please transmit your clearance code.

Ryouga: Now we find out if that code was worth the price
we paid for it.

Akane: It'll work. My sister wouldn't betray us.

Tsubasa: Transmitting now. (hits a button)
(On the bridge of the Executor, Darth Saotome approaches
one of the comm officers.)

Saotome: {Where is that shuttle heading?}

Imperial: The forest moon, sir. (he gestures at a CGI
diagram of the ship on screen)

Saotome: {Did it transmit the proper clearance codes?}

Imperial: It's an older one, sir, but it checks out. I
was about to clear them. Do you want me to hold it?
(Saotome looks away, an expression of concentration on
his furred face. In the shuttle, Ranma's eyes widen and
he nearly topples.)

Ukyou(concerned): Ranchan? What is it?

Ranma: (deep breath) Saotome. I can feel him. He's on
the Executor.

Akane: Can he feel you?

Ranma: (hesitates) Nooo...I'm too weak for him to sense me.

Ukyou: Good.
(Back on the Executor, Saotome growls/chuckles.)

Saotome: {No, let them through. I shall deal with this
personally.} (turns and walks away)
(Back in the shuttle, everyone is starting to look
worried.)

Ukyou(hisses): Stay on course, Ryouga.

Ryouga: (jerks the controls) Sorry.

Akane: This isn't working...

Imperial(over comm): Shuttle Takahashi, you have been
cleared. Stay on your present course and the shield will
be opened.

Tsubasa: Hai. (shuts down the comm and sighs) That was
nerve-wracking.

Ryouga: Yeah, but now we've got them right where we want
them.

Ranma: (steps into the shadows; smiles) Right.
(The scene shifts to a large, dark room. Numerous
scantily-clad women stand around, and four are arrayed
about an easychair-like throne, feeding Emperor Happousai
grapes. Genma enters.)

Genma: Master?

Happousai: Genma m'boy, how ya doin'?

Genma: Well master, and yourself?

Happousai: Excellent, excellent. (he leers at one of
the girls, who giggles)

Genma: Master, a small rebel force has infiltrated the
forest moon.

Happousai: Hai, I know.

Genma: My son is with them.

Happousai(suddenly interested): He is? Well, now.
(laughs) Bring him to me, my pupil. He shall be one of
us within the day.

Genma: (bows) As you wish, master. (Happousai's laughter
echoes around the chamber)

(Change scenes to a truly ancient forest, with trees as
tall as skyscrapers and as thick as a walker's leg. The
sun filters down through the leaves with laze indif-
ference to the puny humans below that sneak along in
camouflage gear. All of the command crew-except Tsubasa-
is there, and they are accompanied by twenty rebel
soldiers toting blaster rifles. Ranma, who is leading,
raises his hand to call a halt. Immediately, a bush
detaches itself from the forest, sprouts Tsubasa's head
and arms, and approaches.)

Tsubasa: How'd you know where I was? (Ranma gives him
a flat stare) Oh yeah, that Force thing.

Ukyou: What is it, Tsubasa?

Tsubasa: An Imperial patrol ahead. Two scout troopers
with speeder bikes.

Ranma: More.

Ukyou: What?

Ranma: When he mentioned a patrol, I felt ahead. There's
more than two. At least five, maybe more-but they're
scattered.

Ukyou: Fine. Tsubasa, stay here with the troops. Ranma,
Akane, Ryouga, Mousse, Shampoo: let's check it out.
(They sneak up to the top of a ridge and look down. In
a tiny clearing below, two troopers are examining a fallen
tree, their bikes hovering nearby like anxious dogs.)

Mousse: I don't see mmrblp! (Shampoo puts a hand over
his mouth and frowns)

Shampoo(hisses): Quiet, Mousse.

Ukyou: Where are the others, Ranchan?

Ranma: I can't tell for sure. Not too far...but not near
either. Within shouting distance.

Ukyou: Okay. Going around would take too long. Let's
take them out quietly.

Ryouga: I'll do it.

Ranma: Don't get lost on the way down. (smirks)
(Shaking with suppressed fury, Ryouga walks down the
rise as silently as a passing breeze, using the bushes
for cover. He reaches the bottom, and inches towards
the first trooper. He takes a careful step forward...
and with a loud snap, steps on a twig. The trooper
spins, his blaster coming up. With no other choice,
Ryouga activates his Brella and swings, sending the
trooper flying across the clearing. The other guard
leaps onto his speeder bike and takes off as the
others rush down the hill.)

Ukyou: He's getting away!

Mousse: Oh no he isn't!
(Mousse sweeps his arm and launches a bolo which neatly
wraps up the trooper. The Imperial screams, unable to
reach his controls, and the bike swerves into a tree and
explodes.)

Ranma: (points) More!
(Everybody turns and sees two more troopers staring at
the scene. They leap onto their bikes and take off.
Akane runs to the remaining bike.)

Akane: I'll get them!

Ranma: Akane! Wait!
(He manages to jump onto the back of the bike as Akane
streaks off. They fly into the forest after the two
troopers, sweeping around the huge trees and barely
clearing the undergrowth.)

Ranma: Jam them! Centre switch!

Akane: Got it.

Ranma: Now hold on. (concentrates)

Akane: For what?
(Ranma activates his lightsabre and points it behind
them.)

Ranma: For this.
(The sabre crackles and then extends in a quick blast
of light, which works like an afterburner, sending Akane
and Ranma parallel to the nearest trooper.)

Trooper: Get lost!
(He bangs his bike against Akane's. Ranma swings his
lightsabre while the soldier is nearby and nearly de-
capitatates him. The trooper falls off and Ranma leaps
over, shutting down his sabre in mid-jump. He takes
control of the bike.

Akane: Not bad.

Ranma: Better than any tomboy could do.

Akane: (shakes a fist angrily at him) Baka! Concentrate
on the chase!
(She looks forward, and barely swerves out of the way of
a low tree limb. Ranma smirks.)

Ranma: Speak for yourself.
(The two streak past an especially large tree, and the
two troopers that had been hiding behind it give chase.)

Ranma: We've got company. You stay with this one, I'll
take out these two.
(He pulls a lever, and suddenly his forward momentum
falls to a snail's pace, giving the impression of him
flying backwards past the two pursuers. He quickly
pushes the lever back up and chases them. Akane's
quarry pulls sharply to the side and she follows him.
Ranma, however, is forced to go after his two, who fly
straight. He fires at them, but they are moving too
fast for him to aim properly.)

Ranma: So you want to play with speed? Fine. I'll
show you speed! (leans forward) TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN
FIRING TECHNIQUE!
(His fingers blur on the firing trigger, and the blaster
at the front of the speeder begins to unleash a near-
continuous stream of red bolts that strafe on of the
speeders, blasting it to pieces. Ranma chuckles evilly
and flies past the wreckage. The other trooper is now
pouring on the speed. Ranma continues the chase, and
slowly starts to catch up. In desperation, the trooper
swings back his pistol and fires. A lucky shot hits the
vehicle-mounted blaster and sends it flying away. Ranma
grits his teeth and slows down considerably to make up
for the lost weight. The trooper also slows down, and
turns his bike around. Increasing his speed, he bears
down on Ranma like a comet. Ranma frowns and punches
forward on the accelerator, than leaps up to stand on his
bike, lightsabre humming. The tow flash towards each
other in a supersonic game of chicken. The Imperial lets
loose with three quick blasts form his blaster cannon,
all of which Ranma easily parries with his lightsabre.
Realizing his error, the trooper tries desperately to
turn aside, but Ranma leaps with a cry, allowing his bike
to plow into the ground and explode. He hangs in the air
briefly, then slashes the trooper and lands precariously
on the back of the bike. Unfortunately, the dead
Imperial flops back, hits Ranma, and sends him tumbling
off. The bike collides with a tree and explodes as Ranma
flies over the top of a steep ridge. He hits the ground
and begins to tumble down the incline, crying out in pain
as he strikes several rocks and unyielding plants. He
tumbles one final time, then flies over a short drop into
a stream, smashing his head against a rock as he lands.
He-now a she-falls unconscious, floating face up in the
water. Meanwhile, Akane is still chasing her opponent
through the woods. She grimaces, and is forced to spin
her bike around as the trooper performs a half loop and
lands behind her thanks to a hollowed log. She lets
loose with a blast, but it goes wide. The Imperial pulls
around, fires a blast, and spins to the side. The blast
skims Akane's fuselage, and she is forced to turn in the
opposite direction. The Imperial spins around, and is
now chasing her. He quickly fires three times, but all
go wide. Akane concentrates on twisting, turning and
dodging in a vain attempt to lose her pursuer. Then she
sees a low-hanging branch ahead.)

Akane: [I've got an idea...]
(Working quickly, she unrolls some rope from her belt,
swings it over her head and tosses it around the branch.
With a yank, she pulls herself from her seat and flies
up in a wide arc as her bike spins to its death. The
trooper passes underneath the branch, and she flips over
it and down at the trooper from behind, her feet extended.
Then, a cry of triumph, she...misses completely as he
moves out of range. Akane proceeds to spin around, and
around, and around, and...you get the picture. The
Imperial bursts out laughing as Akane ends up throughly
tied to the tree limb, forgets to look where he's going,
and crashes straight into a tree. Akane kicks feebly.)

Akane: Great, just great. Now how am I supposed to get
down? (there is a ponderous crack) Uh oh...
(The limb snaps off, sending them both to the ground and
raising a healthy amount of dust.)

Akane: Ow...
(The scene switches back to the original clearing, where
the rebels wait. Everyone is lying around, looking bored
and somewhat concerned. Finally, Ryouga leaps to his
feet.)

Ryouga: That's it, I'm going after her!

Ukyou: Sit down, Ryouga. There's somebody coming.

Ryouga(grumbles): It's probably Ranma.

Ukyou: Shhh!
(If Ukyou was worried about alerting any possible enemies,
she needn't have bothered, as the approaching person is
making enough noise to cover the approach of several
elephants. Then, into the clearing walks a giant...
branch?)

Ryouga: Akane?
(Yes it is Akane, still tied to the tree limb and now
dragging her new accessory along. She growls, low and
dangerously.)

Mousse: Princess...did you know that you have a...
(Akane turns, absently plowing Mousse to the ground with
the branch.)

Akane(sweetly): I have a _what_, Mousse?

Ukyou: Uh...Akane, how...?

Akane: (low growl) I'd rather not talk about it.

Ryouga: Why didn't Ranma cut you free?

Akane: He wasn't around.

Ryouga: That...that cad! How dare he abandon you tied to
a tree limb!

Akane: I wasn't tied to it at the time, Ryouga.

Ryouga: So? That still doesn't excuse him from...

Akane: Wait a minute. You mena Ranma isn't here yet?

Ukyou: No...

Akane(concerned): He went off alone against two...

Ukyou: (frowns) We'll send out search parties right away.

Shampoo: Aiya! Shampoo go find Ranma!

Mousse(dazed): Shampoo, don't leave me...

Tsubasa/tree: I'll help too! [Maybe now I can get rid of
him!]

Ukyou: Hai, we'll leave immediately.

Ryouga: (sighs) Fine, we'll go find Ranma.
(The rebels begin to move off in different directions.
Akane blinks.)

Akane: Hey! Could somebody get this thing off my back?!
(Switch scenes to the depths of space, where the Black
Rose floats in relative inactivity. In her quarters,
Vice-Admiral Kodachi is decking herself out in commando
gear. She picks up her ribbon and snaps it once, easily
smashing a vase. There is a beep, and General Sasuke
walks in.)

Sasuke: Your transport is ready, mistress.

Kodachi: (smiles evilly) Excellent. Soon, Sasuke. Soon
we shall not only have control of the Happoudaikarin, but
we will have destroyed those fools Saotome and Harkov as
well. Ohohohohohoho!

Sasuke: Mistress, perhaps you should reconsider. We need
you here.

Kodachi: No, Sasuke. I must. It is the only hope for
our beloved Empire. (begins to leave) Victory _will_ be
mine! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!
(Back to Endor, the stream in which Ranma-chan rests...
err...well, lies in mid-numbing agony, at least. She
groans.)

Ranma-chan: Ohhh...my head... (she opens her eyes and
blinks, surprised to find a flint-tipped spear pointed
at her throat.) Wha...
(A creature stands above her. It stands no taller than
an eight-year old child, and looks like a cross between
one and a teddy bear. It wears a green hood, decorated
with teeth and tiny animal skulls. And, of course, it
is carrying a crude wooden spear which it is pointing
menacingly at Ranma-chan. The creature begins to chitter
excitedly in an unknown language.)

Ranma-chan: Look pal, (shoves the spear away) I don't
have time for...
(The creature chitters angrily and jabs the spear at
her, nicking her stomach. Ranma-chan winces and backs
away.)

Ranma-chan: Okay, okay, I get it. (grabs her head)
Oh man, that was nasty. (pats her side; eyes widen)
My lightsabre! (leaps up) Where's my lightsabre, you
little...
(The creature begins to attack, but Ranma-chan easily
catches the spear, yanks it from the its hands and
thrusts it into the ground. The creature backs away
fearfully.)

Ranma-chan: Would you cut it out with that thing? I'm
not in the mood. (looks around) Now where's my...
(The creature skitters away, startling Ranma-chan. She
mutters under her breath, then stops dead as she hears
an ominous click behind her. The view shifts slightly,
and we see three Imperial scouts pointing blaster rifles
at her back.)

Trooper: Don't move!

Ranma-chan: I wasn't planning on it... (slowly raises
her hands) [I'm still too weak to use the Force...yet.]
I give up.

Trooper#1: Uh...good... (more confident) That's right,
of course you give up!

Ranma-chan: Mind if I turn around?

Trooper#1: (looks at his comrades as if confirming
their presence) Go ahead, but slowly.
(Ranma-chan turns around and gives the troopers a
dazzling smile.)

Ranma-chan: Hiya boys...I seem to have gotten lost.
Could you tell me where the bathroom is?

Trooper#2: Bathroom?

Trooper#1: What are you talking about, lady?

Ranma-chan: (look of wide-eyed innocence) You mean
this isn't the Forestland amusement park? Oh, I'm
terribly sorry... (under breath) I told dad those
weren't the right coordinates...
(The three troopers exchange confused glances, then
look back at her.)

Trooper#1: You're going to have to come with us, miss.

Ranma-chan: (takes a few tentative steps forward;
relieved) Oh thank you, thank you, you're such a kind
(step) sweet (step; she is now almost upon them)
trusting fool.
(She snaps out her palm and smashes the first trooper's
face mask, knocking him instantly unconscious. As he
begins to fall, she grabs him and uses him as a shield
to block the second trooper's blaster bolt. With a cry,
she tosses the corpse at the second trooper and they
both tumble from view. She spins to face the third
trooper, and sees him jumping onto a speeder bike. She
snarls and starts to run forward, but the trooper has
already activated the bike, and is know moving too fast
to catch. Suddenly, a spear flies from a bush and
strikes the trooper. He screams, and the bike veers
into a tree and explodes.)

Ranma-chan: Huh?
(She looks at the spear she stuck into the ground. It
is gone. At that point, the creature emerges from the
bushes and approaches the mystified Ranma-chan, chittering
like an insane chipmunk.)

Ranma-chan: Maybe you're not all that bad, little fella.
(The "little fella" bows with a flourish. Ranma-chan
smiles and shakes her head. The creature gestures
excitedly towards the woods, and she frowns.)

Ranma-chan: You want me (points at herself) to go (makes
walking motions with her fingers) with you? (she points
at him; the creature nods happily) Sorry, fella. I got
friends...
(The creature jumps up and down, shaking his head and
pointing into the distance.)

Ranma-chan: Listen... (he grabs her hand and yanks her)
Okay, okay, I'll come! (shakes head) This is pathetic...
(stops) I almost forgot.
(We see the two troopers lying near a bush. One is quite
dead, a blaster burn on his back. The other slowly shakes
his head. Suddenly, the bush parts and Ranma-chan steps
in. She straddles the live trooper, pointing a blaster
rifle at his face.)

Ranma-chan: Hiya, pal.

Trooper#2: Eep...

Ranma-chan: I just want you to know one thing...
(We see the creature standing several feet from the bush
which conceals Ranma-chan and the Imperial. Suddenly,
there is the screech of a blaster and the creature jumps.
After a moment, Ranma-chan emerges form the bushes, a
pleased look on her face.)

Ranma-chan: Let's get going, little guy.
(The scene now shows...leprechauns, tiny green leprechauns
dancing around tossing technicolor sausages down that itsy-
bitsy neon pink marmoset's throat... *whack* Sorry. That's
the last time I let my doped-up cousin near the keyboard.
Actually, the scene shows the forest of Endor, where the
rebels are searching for Ranma. Ukyou is scanning the
area {we temporarily see through her cybernetic macro-
binocular vision for effect} but sees nothing of note.
Ryouga, Akane, Shampoo and Mousse approach.)

Ukyou: Well?

Ryouga: Those biker crashes back there are the only signs
of people.

Shampoo: No find Ranma. He lost?

Mousse(hopefully): It _is_ possible he didn't survive the
battle.

Akane: Are you kidding? Ranma's Jedi powers are more than
a match for a few Imperials.

Ukyou(frowns; worried): Even Jedi have their limits.

Ryouga: I should know. I've been trying to use my Jedi
powers to find my way around lately, and I've been...less
than successful.

Akane: But you're not as trained as Ranma is!

Ryouga(hurt): No...I'm not.

Tsubasa(from down the hill): Hey! I found something!

Ukyou(shouts): Good or bad?

Tsubasa: (walking up) You tell me.
(He holds out his palm. In it rests Ranma's lightsabre.
Ukyou gasps.)

Akane(softly): No...

Shampoo: Is Ranma's brightsword?

Ryouga: Lightsabre. Yes, it is. Ranma would never go
anywhere without it.

Akane: No! (shakes her head) He just forgot it, that's
all!

Ukyou: (closes her eyes tightly; begins to shake) Nodoka
drilled that into his head too well. What about the area
around it?

Tsubasa: There was one trooper body nearby, and a blown-up
speeder...I can't tell what was on it when it exploded...or
who...

Akane: (backhands Tsubasa, sending him flying) NO! (tears)
Ranma's alive! (softly) He has to be alive...

Ryouga: (tone of carefully constructed concern) Akane...
sometimes these things happen...

Ukyou(angry): I don't think this is the time or place,
Ryouga. Let's circle around (clenches her fist) and see
if we can find any tracks.

Shampoo: Hai, then we find Ranma.

Tsubasa: (climbing to his feet; smirks) I doubt it.

Ukyou: (snaps out her spatula; then slowly retracts it)
Even so, if the Empire did...(stops) They'll have left.
Maybe they left tracks we can follow.

Mousse: And if they used speeder bikes?

Ukyou: Then we hurry, because the Empire knows we're
here.

Ryouga: (snaps up his head) Wait... (points into the
distance) That way. There's something...

Ukyou: Are you sure. Maybe it's just a headache.

Ryouga(angry): Hey! I don't make fun of you, you overgrown
waffle iron!

Ukyou: (eyes glow blood red) Why you...

Tsubasa: (throws arms protectively in front of himself)
Aaaah! Don't hurt me!

Ukyou: (blinks) No, I'm mad at Ryouga...oh well. (smashes
Tsubasa over the head; the transvestite collapses) Now
where were we?

Mousse: Ukyou, Ryouga, don't fight. We have to think of
the bigger picture. Remember, tomorrow the rebel fleet
will be here, and if we haven't taken down that shield...

Ukyou: (sighs) You're right, Mousse. (pauses) Did I
really just say that? (rolls here eyes) We've got to
think about the mission first.

Shampoo: But what about Ranma? (stern) Shampoo no leave
husband!

Ukyou(equally stern): We'll take a chance on Ryouga.
Maybe he's actually using his powers and not having a
migraine. (Ryouga snorts) But only for ten minutes.
Then we go to the generator.

Akane: Agreed.

Shampoo: (after a pause) Okay. Shampoo think is good
idea.
(We see the group walking through a stretch of forest.
Ukyou checks her chronometer.)

Ukyou: It's been nearly ten minutes, and no sign of
Ranchan or his tracks.

Ryouga: (frowns) No...just a bit further.

Ukyou: (sighs) Fine. Let's just hope we find something.

Mousse and Tsubasa(mutter): Yeah, sure, whatever.
(They step into a clearing which is covered by freshly
fallen leaves. In the centre, a rotting carcass is tied
to a tree by a rope. Everyone walks in curiously.)

Ukyou: A side of BEEF?!? (puts her hands on her hips)
Ryouga, maybe you should _feed_ your Force powers from
time to time.
(Akane approaches the carcass, her eyes brimming with
curiosity.)

Ryouga: Okay Ukyou, you haven't missed a chance to mock
my powers since I discovered them. Do you have a problem
with me or what?

Tsubasa: Hey! (Runs to Ryouga and points at him) You
can't talk like that to Ukyou-sama!

Ryouga: Stay out of this. (he whacks Tsubasa out of the
way)

Tsubasa: Wooo, wook at te wity staaars... (collapse)

Ukyou: Hai, I have a problem with you, Ryouga. You tout
around your Jedi powers like you're some kind of pri-
vileged chosen one, and we're all not fit to exist in
the same galaxy as you.

Ryouga: That isn't true! If anyone does that, it's Ranma!

Ukyou: And that's another thing, you're constantly bad-
mouthing Ranma. You have no right to do that. You haven't
been through what he has, so lay off of him.
(Shampoo, who has been watching the confrontation with
interest, looks over at Akane, who is reaching towards the
carcass. Her eyes widen.)

Shampoo: Akane, NO!!!
(Akane either doesn't hear or ignores Shampoo's warning.
Her hand touched the carcass, and instantly everyone finds
themselves dangling several metres off the ground in a net
made of thick rope.)

Ukyou(dripping sarcasm): _Great_ going, Akane. Just great.

Akane: Hey!

Ryouga: Don't blame Akane! It wasn't her fault!

Ukyou: Oh? And whose fault was it?

Ryouga: I'm not going to argue about...

Ukyou: Because it's true, maybe?

Ryouga: I'll just use my Brella.
(There is a hiss and several exclamations of pain.)

Shampoo: Ow! Shampoo think he pulp train-vest-eat's face.

Ukyou: How about that. He has his uses after all.

Ryouga: Hey! I'm going to get us out of here...

Ukyou: How? With your "Jedi powers"?

Mousse: I don't think this is the time or place to...

Everybody else: Shut up, Mousse!

Mousse: Geez, sorrrrry...

Ukyou: Look. Let's just get out of here.

Akane: I have a knife... (sawing sounds)

Shampoo: No Akane!

Ukyou: Here we go again...
(The bottom of the net gives way and they fall to the
ground in a jumbled mass of tangled limbs.)

Everyone: Ow!
(They all try to disentangle themselves at once, with
limited success. Finally, Ryouga pops out of the group
and lands on his back. He looks up...and stops.)

Ryouga: Uh...people...
(Everyone looks around. Surrounding them on all sides,
and wielding a plethora of spears, is a legion of multi-
coloured furry cre-okay, enough already! You know they're
Ewoks, I know they're Ewoks, EVERYBODY knows they're
Ewoks!!! There, they are Ewoks! Ewoks! Sheesh. Everyone
stops.)

Mousse: I think we're in trouble.

Shampoo: You good at say obvious, Mousse.
(An Ewok points his spear at Ryouga, who grabs it, snaps
it in his hand and flips to his feet, blaster drawn.
However, the three dozen or so spears that are instantly
shoved within an inch of his face convince him to sit down
again. Slowly, everyone untangles themselves as the Ewoks
look on with menacing stares. Pulling herself free, Ukyou
steps forward.)

Ukyou: Now what's going on?
(The Ewoks stare at her, and start jabbering among them-
selves. Suddenly, they begin to drop to their knees and
start to bow, while uttering a low, rhythmic chant.
Everyone looks at each other.)

Ukyou: Huh?

Mousse: Hmm. (adjusts his optics) They appear to be
performing a ritual chant.

Ukyou: I can _see_ that.

Mousse: My guess would be that...they think you're a...
well, god.

Ukyou: A god?!? (self-effacing) How flattering. I've
been called a lot of things, but a god?

Ryouga: Well, why don't you use your "godly" powers to
get us out of here?

Ukyou(scathing): What do I look like? A protocol droid?
(Meanwhile, Mousse is helping Shampoo up.)

Mousse: Are you all right, my darling Shampoo?
(She smashes him in the face, and he collapses.)

Shampoo: Am now.

Ukyou: I can't speak all that many languages, and cer-
tainly not theirs.

Akane: Well _somebody_ has to speak their language.

Shampoo: Maybe Shampoo translate?

Ukyou: Well, can you?

Shampoo: (after a moment) No, Shampoo no hear before.
(brightens) But Mousse used to be good languages!
(Ukyou glances at Mousse's unconscious form.)

Ukyou(dryly): Any other options?
(A few Ewoks step forward and begin to paw at Ukyou.
She slaps their hands away.)

Ukyou(indignant): Do you _mind_?!? Haven't you ever
heard of godly decency?

Akane: Godly?

Ryouga: She's finally snapped. I knew it would eventually
happen...

Ukyou: Quiet mortal, or I shall smite you!

Ryouga: Smite? How do you smite somebody, exactly?

Ukyou: I'm not sure...I think it involves thunderbolts.

Akane: Wouldn't they fry your circuits?
(The Ewoks have sent forward more of their number, who are
picking up the unconscious forms of Mousse and Tsubasa.)

Ukyou: Could you throw the girl off a cliff for me?

Ryouga(confused): What girl? (suddenly angry) You don't
mean AKANE?!? (snarls) I won't let you! (activates his
Brella) To think your obsession with that fool Ranma has
gone _this_ far!

Ukyou(calmly): You're an idiot, Ryouga.
(About two dozen Ewoks suddenly rush forward and tackle
Ryouga to the ground. He cries out in shock as his Brella
is knocked away. Ukyou blinks.)

Ukyou: (waving her arms) No! No! We were just kidding
around! You don't have to...
(As Ryouga struggles, more Ewoks jump Akane and Shampoo-the
latter lasting considerably longer than the former. Others
pick up Ukyou and begin to carry her on their shoulders.)

Ryouga: Let Akane go!

Ukyou(furious): Put me down this instant, you fuzzballs!

Akane: What are they going to do with us?
(The Ewoks are now carrying the entire group into the woods.)

Ukyou: How am I supposed to know?

Ryouga: This is all your fault, Ranma!

Ukyou(incredulously): _How_ is it his fault?!?

Ryouga: If _he_ hadn't disappeared, we wouldn't have gone
looking for him and...

Ukyou: Shut up, Ryouga!
(The scene changes to the depths of space. As we watch,
an Imperial TIE fighter with sout
of the sky?

Ranma(irritated): Akane...

Taroue cockpit we see Kodachi,
her face fierce and eyes alight with anticipation and
more than a little insanity.)

Kodachi: [Good. The fools haven't detected me yet. Now
I simply have to use my peerless skills to sneak aboard the
Happoudaikarin, find my way to the reactor, take it over,
and use the battle station to conquer the galaxy. No
problem.]
(She laughs megalomaniacally as the scene does a rapid zoom
away from her and her TIE fighter, across space to the
Happoudaikarin, and down to the forest moon. It is night
on Endor. High up in the trees, shadows play across dozens
of bridges connecting the trees. We see a large bonfire,
fed by large logs tossed in by excited Ewoks. An echoing
horn blares as we see there is a fairly large platform built
into the space between three large trees. A plethora of
Ewoks dance about, their beady black eyes glittering in the
light from the fire. The Ewoks wall then parts as the cap-
tured rebels are brought in. They are all tied to large
logs, save Ukyou, who is being carried in a crude wooden
throne. She is frowning, and has her arms crossed. Two
Ewoks approach a nearby hut. They enter, and are immediately
sent flying out again. A voice cries out from inside.)

Voice: If you think I'm going out there in _this_, you're
insane!

Ukyou(surprised): _Ranchan_?!?

Voice: Huh?
(Abruptly, Ranma-chan steps out of the hut. Everybody blinks.
Her hair has been done so that it falls down behind her in a
sheet of molten sunfire, with several feet mysteriously added.
She is wearing a flowing, low-cut robe, slit along one side to
show her leg.)

Ryouga: Damn. He's still alive.

Ranma-chan: Good to see you too, Ryouga. I see we're having
roast pork for dinner.
(Ryouga strains at his bonds, baring his fangs and growling
menacingly.)

Akane: Ranma? What are you doing here?

Shampoo: And why you dress like that?

Ranma-chan(looks down): Oh, this. (grits teeth) They put me
in it, the little hentais...

Ukyou: (smiles) Don't worry, Ranchan. I'm sure we'll have
you back to normal in no time.

Akane: Ranma, can you communicate with these things?

Ranma-chan: Sort of...I can sort of tell what they mean thanks
to my Force powers, but...

Akane: What do they plan on doing with us?

Ranma-chan: Let me check. (turns to an Ewok; halting tone)
What...do...you...plan...for...my... friends?
(The Ewok frowns, then taps it's skull-topped staff on the
ground and jabbers rapidly.)

Ranma-chan(calmly): They're going to cook you... (pauses;
shocked) They're going to COOK you?!?

Akane(sweetly): That's nice...now why don't you (explode)
RESCUE US YOU BAKA!!!

Ranma-chan: (puts her hands on her hips) What do you expect
me to do? Fight the whole tribe?

Ryouga: Don't worry, Akane. _I'll_ rescue you.

Ranma-chan: And what do _you_ plan on doing, Ryouga?
Spitting at them?

Ryouga: At least I'd be _trying_, unlike _some_ people!
(Ukyou puts her head in her hands and shakes it slowly.)

Ranma-chan: Maybe I'll let them cook you! I feel like bacon!

Akane: Ranma! Ryouga! Be quiet and think of a way out of this!

Ranma-chan: Stay out of this, Akane. It's none of your business.

Akane: None of my business? I'm about to be prepared for your
dinner and it's none of my BUSINESS?!?

Ranma-chan: At least there's one good thing about this.

Akane: Oh? And _what_ is that?

Ranma-chan: _You_ aren't doing the cooking. Now _that_ would
be spine-chilling.
(Akane's eyes become blazing balls of molten magma and her voice
takes on a demonic edge.)

Akane: WHY YOU JERK!
(She bursts from her bonds, landing in a combat crouch. Then,
with a cry, she launches herself at Ranma-chan, a giant glowing
lightmallet held firmly in both hands. Ranma-chan dodges frant-
ically as the mallet cleaves the air where her head was a moment
before. Then, thirty Ewoks tackle Akane to the ground.)

Akane(infuriated): Let me up! I just have to KILL him! _Then_
you can cook me.
(By some bizarre chance-called plot development-Ranma-chan
lands next to Ukyou.)

Ukyou(whispers): Ranchan!

Ranma-chan: (looks over) What? Oh hi, Ucchan.

Ukyou: I've got a plan.
(The Ewoks are no restrapping a thrashing and screaming Akane
to her spit again. She is wailing something unintelligible
about "one good shot" at Ranma, while Ryouga encourages her.
Mousse is starting to awaken.)

Mousse(weakly): What happened...
(The Ewoks are now piling logs beneath the various members of
the rebel search party. A few begins to light torches from
the bonfire. Suddenly, there is a thunderous boom. All of
the Ewoks turn to look at Ukyou, who is standing, one foot
on her throne and the other on the floor. Her arm is held
high over her head, battle spatula extended so that it catches
and reflects the light in a blinding shimmer. She extends her
other hand and plays out her fingers.)

Ukyou(booms in an artificially enhanced voice): EWOKS! (the
Ewoks jabber excitedly; apparently they can now understand her)
You have angered me! (the Ewoks stop) Free my allies now, or
face my wrath! (after a brief pause, the Ewoks laugh and return
to their festivities; out of the corner of her mouth) Now, Ranchan.
(Ranma-chan closes her eyes and concentrates. Slowly, but with
increasing speed, Ukyou rises out of the throne. She floats
above the now-awestruck Ewoks.)

Ukyou: _NOW_!!!
(In a chaotic rush, the Ewoks rush over and chop the rebels free
with axes. Ukyou slowly descends into her throne again as Ranma-
chan falls to her knees, breath coming in short gasps. The others
thread their way through the Ewoks to Ukyou and Ranma-chan.)

Ryouga(impressed): Wow! When did you learn to fly, Ukyou?

Ukyou: (rolls her eyes) Last week, Ryouga.

Ranma-chan: [Why was that so difficult _this_ time?]

Shampoo: Aiya! Ranma, you very powerful!

Ranma-chan: At least _some_ people appreciate me.

Akane: (crosses her arms) And what's _that_ supposed to mean?

Ranma-chan: You know perfectly well, you violent tomboy.

Shampoo: Ranma? You come back my place, learn...

Akane: (blinks) Her place?

Ukyou: (looks over) Her place...what's this about Shampoo's
place, Ranma?

Shampoo(smug): Ranma come see Shampoo not long ago.

Ukyou(dangerously): _Did_ he now...

Ranma-chan: (backing up; sweating) N-n-now, Ukyou, it isn't
what you think...that is...

Mousse: (approaches) Greetings, everyone.

Ryouga: (smiling at Ranma's predicament) Hi Mousse.

Mousse: I've been talking to these creatures...

Ranma-chan(hurriedly): And how do you do that, Mousse?

Mousse: Well, when you're nearly blind like I am, you learn to
use your ears better. Anyway...

Ranma-chan: Isn't that _interesting_! Would you...

Ukyou: Don't worry, Ranchan, we'll have a nice long talk about
it later. (to Mousse) Now what were the Ewoks saying, Mousse?

Mousse: Apparently, we've all been made honorary members of
their tribe, which means they'll be helping us.

Ranma: Great. We need that like I need a hole in the head.

Ryouga: I'd be glad to help you with that, Ranma.

Ranma-chan: You do, Ryouga, and we'll see what P-chan pizza
looks like.

Ryouga: Just try it! I've been looking for an excuse to pummel
you!

Ukyou(Nodokaesque tone): Children...
(The two adversaries back down with grumbles and glares.)

Ukyou: Oh, by the way... (she hands Ranma-chan her lightsabre)
We found this.

Ranma-chan(relieved): Arigato, Ucchan. I thought I'd never see
it again.
(The Ewoks begin to beat out rhythms on primitive instruments.
As a few grab various members of the party and swing them into
the crowd, Ranma-chan slips away...almost unnoticed. We see
the bonfires in the distance as Ranma-chan leans on the railing
of one of the bridges. She has changed back to her usual red
tunic and black pants. As we watch, Akane approaches, stopping
not far away.)

Akane(tentatively): Ranma?

Ranma-chan: What?

Akane: I wanted to...to apol...apol...(grimaces) apoooll...

Ranma-chan: (doesn't turn) It's okay.

Akane: It is?

Ranma-chan: (shrugs) I got us out of it, it's over with.
(turns) But don't worry, soon I'll be strong enough to
prevent it from ever happening again.

Akane: What are you talking about, Ranma?

Ranma-chan: (clenches her fist) Soon I'll be a true Jedi.
Then I can take on _anything_! (smiles)

Akane: I'm sure Nodoka's going to teach you, but she said
it would take...

Ranma-chan(sneers): My mother can't teach me anything.

Akane: What?

Ranma-chan: Actually, she could. But she won't. She's
willing to chatter on about (mocking tone) "duty" and
"justice", but she won't teach me _power_. (dark look)
That's fine. I know how to gain power, know _exactly_
how to gain power.

Akane: (backing away) Ranma, you're scaring me...

Ranma-chan: (chuckles) I'm soooo sorry I scared you, Akane.
Geez. What a stupid tomboy, scared of little old me.

Akane(angry): Listen you, I am _not_ a tomboy!

Ranma-chan: Sure. If you're not a tomboy, then I'm not
really a man.

Akane: I can arrange that.

Ranma-chan: Oooh, I'm scared. Akane's gonna hurt me.
Somebody please help.

Akane(enraged): Why yoouuu...
(Ranma-chan activates her lightsabre and points it at
Akane with a mocking smile.)

Ranma-chan: Why me what, Akane?

Akane: (blinks) You-you're _threatening_ me?!?

Ranma-chan: (collapses the weapon) No, just defending myself.
_You're_ the one who's threatening _me_.

Akane: (takes a step backward) What's happened to you, Ranma?

Ranma-chan: (crosses her arms) I've just smartened up, that's
all. You should be happy. I've only done what you've always
suggested.

Akane: (crying) I don't know you anymore!
(Akane runs away. Ranma sneers after her for a moment, then
a faint look of regret crosses her face. She shrugs it off
and stares back into the night. The scene changes to the
rebel fleet, where the Hibiki Falcon-accompanied by squads
of X, B, Y, and A-Wings-flies along the hull of a Mon Cal
cruiser. In the cockpit of the Falcon sit Tarou and
Gosunkugi.)

Tarou: Okay, my people are ready to go.

Nodoka(over com): Excellent. Prepare for hyperspace jump
on my mark.

Tarou: Roger.

Gosunkugi: You do realize that this is all pointless. The
Empire knows we're coming, and they've probably already
captured the away team.

Tarou: (growls) Let's go...

Nodoka(over com): MARK! All fighters GO!

Tarou: Already gone.
(He pushes the hyperspace lever forward. Immediately, the
Falcon leaps into hyperspace, all of the various rebel
starfighters following. On the bridge, Nodoka watches them
disappear.)

Nodoka: (nods) All capital craft GO!
(Outside, the various capital ships begin their leaps into
hyperspace, towards Endor, and to destiny (corny, I know).
Back on the forest moon, it is now day. A large platform
stands out in the forest, standing on four large struts and
supporting a large dish which points at the shy. An AT-AT
walker moves ponderously up to it as Ukyou and Ranma-now
male-watch.)

Ranma: Pretty heavily guarded.

Ukyou: (nods) Hai.

Ranma: Maybe we could...
(Mousse walks up.)

Mousse(shouts): Uky...
(Ranma leaps down and slaps a hand over Mousse's mouth.)

Ranma: Quietly, Mousse. (removes his hand)

Mousse: Oh yes, I forgot.

Ukyou: What is it, Mousse?

Mousse: Our little friends know something we don't.
Apparently, there is a second entrance over the ridge.

Ukyou: A back door?

Ranma: (shrugs) Worth a look. We still have a few hours left.
(Ukyou and Mousse head down the hill towards the others.
Ranma lingers, closing his eyes and concentrating for a moment.
Then he smiles and starts down the hill. The scene changes to
show a clearing, with a covered door jutting from the hillside.
Four scouts, with speeder bikes nearby, are guarding it. The
rebels stand at the top of the ridge, looking down.)

Akane: Does this seem familiar to anyone?

Ranma: Not really.

Ryouga: We've got to eliminate those scouts.

Ranma: That shouldn't be too hard, as long as we don't send
captain stealth here.

Ryouga: (growls) Listen, you...

Ukyou: Quiet, Ryouga. (frowns) I think I have a plan...
(Down below, the four guards are scanning the area, blaster
rifles slung over their shoulders. Presently there is a
disturbance in the bushes and they all snap around, rifles
at the ready. They relax as another trooper steps out, drag-
ging along a battered-looking droid. It's Ukyou, who has one
arm and one leg missing.)

Trooper#1: What's this?

Trooper#2 (the one with the droid): I found this on my patrol.
Looks like an Okono unit.

Trooper#1: I can see that. What's it doing here?

Trooper#2: Hell if I know. (drags it closer) I wasn't going
to drag it all the way to the platform by myself, though.

Trooper#1: Give him a hand. The boys at security will want to
see this.
(Two troopers come forward and help the second one pick Ukyou
up. They all go over to the door and the other two troopers
approach. When they are all clustered together, Ukyou's eyes
snap open.)

Ukyou: Surprise!
(She snaps out her palm and knocks one of the two carrying her
out, then swipes out her leg and footsweeps two others. The
second trooper grabs the remaining ones rifle and uses it to
smash him to the ground. Ukyou falls on top of the two she
footsweeped, and knocks them out with quick jabs. The second
trooper reaches up and removes his helmet. Tsubasa shakes out
his long hair and smiles happily.)

Tsubasa: Didn't that get the adrenaline flowing, Ukyou-sama?

Ukyou: (turning away) I wouldn't know. I don't _have_
adrenaline.

Tsubasa: (rubbing the back of his head and doffing the armour)
Oh yeah.
(The others walk out of the bushes. Akane is carrying Ukyou's
other arm and leg.)

Akane: Here you go. (she hands them to Ukyou)

Ukyou: (snapping her arm into place) Thanks. (snaps on her leg
and adjusts it) Ah, that's much better. (she stands up)
(Ranma is looking into the distance. Mousse is talking amiably
to a tree trunk, referring to it as "Stanley." Ryouga crosses
his arms.)

Ryouga: Okay, we're down here. Now what?

Ukyou: We wait. It's still several hours until the fleet
arrives, and we can't risk putting down the shield too soon.
(Ranma spots something and smiles. He turns with a serious
expression.)

Ranma: I don't think we wait long.

Ukyou: Why not?
(Ranma points and everybody turns. Emerging from the bushes
are several legions of stormtroopers, accompanied by several
AT-ST walkers and dozens of scout troopers on speeder bikes.)

Mousse: What? I don't see anything.

Shampoo: This no good...

Ukyou: (steps back) How did they find us?

Ryouga: (activates his Brella) C'mon, we can take...
(He trails off as he finds a lightsabre at his throat.)

Ranma: (who is holding the weapon) Go ahead, Ryouga. I'd
love to have an excuse to swish that pea-brained head off
your shoulders!

Ryouga(genuinely confused): Ranma?

Akane: Huh?

Shampoo: What you do, Ranma?
(A look of horror begins to creep onto Ukyou's face.)

Ranma: (chuckles) What I need to do to become Jedi.

Ukyou(softly): Ranchan...no... (more loudly) _You_ betrayed
us!

Ranma(sneers): That's right...
(We briefly see a black and white flashback of the scene
where Ranma-chan was sitting atop the scout trooper.)

Ranma(voiceover): You see, I let one of my pursuers go...
(Ranma-chan lets loose with the rifle about a foot away
form the trooper's head.)

Ranma: (returns to present) ...and told him all your plans.

Ryouga: Y-y-you TRAITOR! I knew it! I knew it all along!

Ukyou(crushed): Ranma...why?

Ranma: You'll find out soon enough.
(Akane takes a tentative step back, but Ranma notices and
swings his lightsabre, running it across her waist. She
gasps and falls to her knees, hurt but not significantly
injured. Ryouga lets out a roar of absolute rage and swings
his Brella at Ranma. Ranma manages to get his lightsabre
into position to intercept the blow, but the raw force of
it sends him reeling back.)

Ryouga: DIE RANMA!!! (pulls back his Brella)

Ranma: I don't think so. YAA!
(He pushes his palm out, and a telekinetic wave of force
ripples out and catches Ryouga. The lost boy rocks back,
and is forced to drop his Brella. Ranma leaps into the air
and launches a drop kick. The larger boy manages to catch
Ranma's foot and swings him into the ground, sending the
lightsabre skittering away. With a cry, Ranma rams his
other foot into Ryouga's face and manages to free himself.
He rolls to his feet, and the adversaries face off.)

Ryouga: I always knew it would come to this, sooner or later.

Ranma(sneers): Give it up, pig-boy. (snaps his hand to his
breast) _I_ have the power, Ryouga! You're no match for me,
and you never will be!

Ryouga: We'll see about that!
(Ryouga charges. Ranma smiles, then suddenly leaps fifty
feet into the air about .5 nanoseconds before the lost boy
can tackle him. He leaps so high, in fact, that he grabs
a branch on the way up, snapping it from the tree with ease.
As he descends, he clutches the branch in both hands and
concentrates. The branch is suddenly enveloped in a cloud
of sawdust and wood chips fly from it. As Ranma lands, he
is now holding a perfectly fashioned staff with one needle-
sharpened end. Ryouga stands up.)

Akane: Ryouga! Watch out!

Ryouga: Where'd he go?

Ranma: Right here!
(Ryouga spins just as Ranma launches his makeshift spear
like a crossbow bolt. The sharpened end flies into Ryouga's
shoulder, sending out a cloud of blood. He flies back into
a large boulder, and the spear continues through, burying
half its shaft into the rock. Ryouga cries out in pain and
clutches the shaft, shaking in agony. Ranma stalks forward.)

Ranma: I warned you, Ryouga. You shouldn't have messed with
me.
(Ryouga manages to glare up at Ranma. He grits his teeth and
quells most of his shaking.)

Ryouga: This... (coughs up some blood) ...isn't over...

Ranma: Sure it is. Don't make me kill you, Ryouga. It's sooo
messy.

Ryouga: No! NEVER! (snaps the spear shaft) I will not fall!
(He yanks his shoulder from the rock and barrels forward at
Ranma with a cry. Ryouga catches the startled Jedi in the
chest with an uppercut that tosses him back. Ranma lands in
a painful crouch with Ryouga looming over him.)

Ryouga: Get up! I'm not finished with you yet!

Ranma: (grits his teeth) You'll pay for that.
(With no further words, they launch themselves at each other
and exchange a rapid series of blows. Somehow Ryouga manages
to tag Ranma in the shoulder, forcing him to give ground.)

Ryouga: That was for the spear.
(Ryouga charges in and swings at Ranma with his good arm. He
dodges easily, but is caught when Ryouga lifts his bad arm's
elbow into his chest. Ranma rolls away.)

Ryouga: That was for those stupid pig jokes.
(Ryouga leaps and windmills his legs in midair. Slowed by
his aching ribs, Ranma is caught on the cheek and sent
tumbling away. He spits out a tooth as Ryouga lands.)

Ryouga: That was for the curse. (clenches his fist) And
this..._this_ is for AKANE!!!
(He charges. Ranma attempts to dodge, but Ryouga's fist
seems enchanted as it slams fully into his chest. The scene
freezes for a moment, then there is a ripple and a flash of
pure white light as Ryouga releases the full power of the
Force and sends Ranma hurtling across the clearing into the
blast door. Ranma topples slowly out of the indent he made
as Ryouga walks methodically over to him. Ukyou watches in
horror as Ryouga looms over Ranma's fallen form.)

Ryouga: And now you _die_, Skywalker!

Voice: I think NOT!
(Ryouga suddenly gasps and clutches his throat. He falls to
his knees, trying desperately to breathe. Everybody else
looks over to see Genma, in his black armour, striding across
the field towards the group. His hand is stretched towards
Ryouga.)

Ukyou: (eyes narrow) Who...?

Genma: I'm disappointed in you, boy.

Ranma: (standing up) I could've taken him.

Genma(dryly): Sure boy. I could tell you had him exactly
where you wanted him. (Genma jerks his hand and Ryouga
topples over. Akane runs over and holds him gently, looking
into his face.)

Ukyou: Wait a second! Just who the heck are you?

Genma: My apologies. Allow me to introduce myself. I am
Darth Saotome.

Shampoo: That impossible! He big panda!

Genma: Haven't you ever heard of Jyusenkyou, girl?

Ukyou(desperate): Ranma, don't!

Ranma: Oh, and why not? I told Akane I would learn how to
use my powers, and mom certainly isn't going to teach me
anything useful.

Ukyou: But what about...

Ranma: (silences her with an outstretched palm) I told you
all a long time ago that I was only in this to become a
Jedi Ninja. Have you forgotten that?

Ukyou(pleading): Ranchan, don't go with him! Stay with
us, we're your friends!

Ranma: And he's my father.
(There is a stunned silence.)

Akane: ...father...

Ranma(suddenly, inexplicably angry): That's right, my
father! He's the one who told me the truth. The _only_
one who has ever told me the truth! (swipes hand) I want
nothing more to do with your lies, or your insults, or
anything else! (spins around) Goodbye, and good riddance!
(He begins to walk away. Ryouga groans and lifts his head
slightly.)

Ryouga(softly; contemptuous): Like father, like son.

Ukyou: (falls to her knees) No...this isn't happening...

Shampoo: Ranma! Come back!
(Ranma stops and turns. Everybody stares, their faces
slowly filling with hope, as he walks back. Then he
leans over and picks something off the ground. He smiles
as he holds his lightsabre.)

Ranma: Almost forgot.
(Everyone's face falls as he walks away again. Genma
laughs.)

Genma: Admiral Harkov?
(Harkov approaches and gives Genma a crisp salute.)

Genma: Hold these prisoners here. Make sure they don't
escape, and... (smiles) ...remember my _special_
instructions.

Harkov: You can count on me, sir. (winks) In everything.

Genma: (walking away) Good.

Harkov(barks): Okay, I want a full search for any missing
rebels, and confisticate their weapons!
(The scene changes to show a shuttle taking off from the
platform, then flying through space, and finally entering
the Happoudaikarin. The scene changes again, to Emperor
Happousai's quarters. He is absently fiddling with a bra,
whistling. The turbolift open and Genma and Ranma step
out.)

Genma: Remember, Ranma.

Ranma: Geez pop, I know already.
(They approach Happousai, who looks up from his
distraction.)

Happousai: Well hello there, boys. How're you doing?

Genma: Fine, master. Please allow me to introduce...

Happousai: Ranma. Yes, yes, we've met. Long time no see,
boy.

Ranma: Hai...master.

Happousai: You never wrote, you know. That hurt me deeply.

Ranma: I was...otherwise occupied. (blinks)

Happousai: Good, good. That's fine. Anyway, you're here
now, and as soon as we find the other two, my plan can
enter it's final phase.

Ranma: Excuse me master, but what's that in your hand?

Happousai: Eh? This? (shoves it at Ranma, who backs up
a step) It's a brassiere, boy. You _do_ know what a
brassiere is, don't you?

Ranma: Of course I do!

Happousai: That's right. After all, a fine strapping
boy like yourself has probably dealt with a few in his
day, eh? (nudges Ranma with an elbow)

Ranma: (blushes furiously) Hey! I'm not like that!

Happousai(disappointed): You're not? Well, I never.
The things they're not teaching young Jedi these days...

Ranma: What I meant was, what are you doing with it?

Happousai: Why, I'm playing with it boy. What does it
_look_ like I'm doing?

Ranma(confused): Why?

Happousai: Because it's fun, boy. You should try it
sometime. (suddenly protective) But not with any of
_my_ pretties!

Ranma: Your...pretties? You mean you have more?

Happousai: Of course. This whole station is one big
underwear vault.

Ranma(flabbergasted): How could you possibly afford
them all?

Happousai: Buy? (chuckles) Why buy them? They're
only good used. Then I can use the feminine energy
in them to enhance my power.

Ranma: Used? You mean you steal them?

Happousai: Steal is such an ugly word. I prefer
"willingly donated by my loyal subjects."

Ranma: (after a moment) So you force the people
you conquer to give up their women's underwear?

Happousai: What else would you conquer people for?

Ranma(incredulous): Let me get this straight...you
conquered the galaxy just to steal UNDERWEAR?!?

Happousai: (shrugs) Seemed like a good idea at the
time...
(The scene switches to the Hibiki Falcon, which is
still in hyperspace. In the cockpit, we see Gosunkugi
and an irate-looking Tarou.)

Gosunkugi: We're coming up to the target, but if you
want my opinion, we should just keep going and avoid
the trap they've set for us.

Tarou: If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
Now SHUT UP! (into the comm) All ships drop out of
hyperspace on my mark. MARK!
(He pulls down the lever, and the molted rainbow of
hyperspace fades to star lines and then to the sharply
defined image of real space. Not far off, we see the
Happoudaikarin floating alone, near the moon of Endor.
We see the Hibiki Falcon and dozens of fighter squadrons
pop out of hyperspace, and then the goliath capital ships
appear. In her command station, Nodoka sits down with a
worried frown.)

Nodoka: General Tarou, you have a clear path to the
battle station. Begin your run now.

Tarou: Let's just hope they got that shield down.

Nodoka: Ranma will have gotten it down. We can trust in him.

Tarou: (snorts) You heard the lady. Let's go!
(The Falcon leads the way through the empty void between the
rebel fleet and the battle station. X and B-Wings lock
S-foils into attack positions, and the attack force closes.)

Gosunkugi: Sensors report nothing between us and the
Happoudaikarin.

Tarou: No shield?

Gosunkugi: Absolutely nothing.

Tarou: (blinks; the fortress looms closer) Wait a sec...
(closer) What about... (closer; gasps) THE FLEET! The
Imperial fleet!

Nodoka(over comm): What about it?

Tarou: It's _not_ here! Pull up! All ships pull up! That
shield's still on!
(The fighters start pulling sharply away from the looming
Happoudaikarin. One Y-Wing isn't fast enough, slams into the
unseen wall, and is ripped apart by a brief explosion. On her
bridge, alarms are blaring and Nodoka has her teeth gritted.)

Nodoka: Evasive manoeuvres! All capital ships pull away!
We're lea...

Officer: Commander! Imperial ships approaching on vectors 1
theta 13 through 2 alpha 12!

Nodoka: It's a trap!
(Back on the Falcon...)

Tarou: You have a wondrous talent for stating the obvious,
Admiral.
(Outside his viewport, we see Star Destroyers off in the
distance. Not one, not a few, but a vast armada of hundreds
of ships that dot the sky in a sea that stretches across the
entire field of vision, with the Executor in the lead.)

Tarou: Slight overkill, don't you think?

Gosunkugi: Told you so.
(Suddenly, thousands of tiny dots emerge from the Star Des-
troyers and begin to fly at the rebels.)

Tarou: Enemy TIE's! Here they come!
(An exterior view shows the TIE's and rebel fighters flying
at each other like two charging cavalries. Then a dazzling
light show of red, green, and blue bolts erupt between them.
The two forces crisscross as a series of dazzling explosions
cascade across the sky. Then they begin the complex, intricate
dance of death known as starfighter combat. On her bridge,
Nodoka is examining a display of 3-D icon and 2-D symbols
that represent the flow of the battle.)

Nodoka: We'll never last out here in the open. All capitals,
pull as close to the fortress as possible! We'll use it's
mass to shield us from direct torpedo locks.
(In Happousai's quarters, the Emperor's chair has been turned
towards a circular viewport from which the lopsided battle is
visible. Happousai is laughing uproariously, Genma is smiling,
Ranma looks worrisome.)

Happousai: Heh heh HAH HAH he hoo har! Oh my... (wipes away
some tears) I haven't seen anything so funny in years.

Ranma: (frowns) I don't think it's so funny.

Happousai: (grins) You've got a lot to learn about being a
megalomaniacal villain, lad. First, always laugh when your
enemies are about to die.

Ranma: They aren't exactly my enemies...

Happousai: Sure they are. You betrayed them, didn't you?
(Ranma smiles as his lightsabre hums to life.)

Ranma: Actually, no.

Happousai: Eh?
(Outside, we see Kodachi's TIE fighter weaving its way through
the battle.)

Kodachi: Hmph. Those stupid rebels think to ruin my plans by
destroying my precious Happoudaikarin? I think not!
Ohohohohohohoho!
(Her TIE spins around and easily blasts an A-Wing to pieces with
deadly green laser bolts. She swings around and flies back into
the battle. Meanwhile, the Hibiki Falcon swings around a
Nebulon-B and blasts two TIE's from the sky. As we watch, an
X-Wing flies over it, pursued by Kodachi's TIE. In the X-Wing
cockpit, Wedge Antilles looks worried.)

Wedge: I can't shake this one! This is Rogue leader, requesting
assistance!

Tarou(over comm): Rouge leader, this is the Falcon. I'm on it.
(The Falcon takes off after Kodachi and the top gunwell fires a
series of shots that force Kodachi to peel away. Wedge sighs in
relief. In her cockpit, Kodachi is infuriated.)

Kodachi: Attack _me_, will they? I shall teach them the error
of their ways!
(She spins around and takes off after the Falcon, which has
already veered off in pursuit of two Assault Gunboats. It
blasts one, but is rocked by a bolt from Kodachi's ship.)

Tarou: Looks like that one wants revenge.

Gosunkugi: Great. We're doomed.

Tarou: You say that again, and I'll tear out your guts
and use them to strangle you!

Kodachi: Ohohohohohoho! Taste Kodachi's special weapon,
the KYOKETSU-SHOGI!
(She jabs a button. Outside the coil on the bottom of
the ship flies forward and unravels, to reveal a large
grappling hook on the end. The hook latches firmly onto
the Hibiki Falcon. In his cockpit, Tarou grimaces as
the ship rocks.)

Tarou: What the...

Gosunkugi: It's launched some sort of tether line.

Tarou: A tether?
(In her cockpit, Kodachi is letting out peal after peal
of megalomaniacal laughter.)

Kodachi: You're mine! Taste this two million volt SUPER
TAZER! Ohohohohohohohohoho!
(Outside, we see a rippling yellow storm of electricity
pass down the black tether and into the Falcon. In the
cockpit, Tarou and Gosunkugi pull back from the controls
as blue lightning plays across them.)

Gosunkugi: At this rate, our reactor core will overload,
and we'll be blown to space dust!

Tarou: (growls) Not if _I_ have anything to say about it!
(With a roar, he grabs the controls. Lightning suddenly
charges his body, but he somehow manages to hang on and
jerk the controls. Outside, the Falcon begins to spin
rapidly along its axis. Inside her cockpit, Kodachi
blinks.)

Kodachi: What do those fools think they're doing?
(In his cockpit, Tarou is surrounded by a strange blue
aura, which doesn't appear to be from the millions of
volts travelling through him. He smiles wickedly.)

Tarou: NOW!
(Abruptly, the Falcon stops spinning. We briefly see
that the tether has been wound incredibly tightly. Then
the TIE is caught as the tether unwinds rapidly, and is
spun out of control. The line snaps and Kodachi is sent
spinning away. Tarou is slightly singed, but strangely
doesn't appear to be very injured. Down at the Imperial
bunker on the forest moon, the rebels have all been stuck
together. Akane is supporting a bandaged Ryouga, who is
reassuring her. His Brella and blaster are on the ground
not far away. Shampoo is sitting down, a far-away look on
her face. Tsubasa is looking sadly at Ukyou, who has
apparently found the shock to be too much and is sitting
down, wracked with sobs. Again, their weapons-except
Ukyou's-are piled nearby. Mousse stands next to a pile of
chains, swords, axes, staves, pure-bred dogs, mushrooms,
giant remote controls and other miscellaneous weapons
twice his height and half again as wide. Two Imperials
are sitting against it, breathing heavily. Admiral Harkov
is staring at the whole scene.)

Harkov: By all...did you get all his weapons?

Trooper: We (huff) tried... (puff) I can't be sure. We
lost Bannerman inside that robe.

Mousse: (snickers) Stop, that tickles! (he waves an arm
and a white-haired, wide-eyed Imperial pops out) There, I
found him.

Harkov: (shakes his head) I'd thought I'd seen everything...
(walks past Ryouga and Akane; absently) I'd keep close to my
weapons around here.
(Ryouga's head snaps around. He stares after Harkov as the
man walks down the line, peculiarly interested in his chron-
ometer. As Harkov passes by Ukyou, the dial flashes red. He
smiles, lifts his hand, and brings it down sharply. Suddenly,
a plethora of Ewoks pop out of every conceivable hiding place
in the woods, all carrying bows. Then there is the twang of
hundreds of bow strings, and arrows rain into the gathered
Imperials, coupled with cries of surprise, outrage, and
above all, pain. Harkov snaps out his blaster pistol and
picks off two troopers with quick, accurate blasts.)

Harkov: Hurry, rebels! Grab your weapons and fight!

Ryouga: What?

Harkov: Hurry, take up your weapons before they turn on us!

Shampoo: (snapping out of it) What you mean?

Harkov: This is your chance! I'm helping you defeat these
Empire ruffians.

Ryouga: (picks up his Brella) We have no reason to trust
you...but you are our only hope.

Shampoo: He right. Shampoo do what leader-man say. (she
snatches up her bonbori and rushes forward) AIYA!
(She swings her weapons, sending two troopers flying. Ryouga
snaps up his Brella and unfolds it to deflect two blaster
bolts destined for him and Akane. Akane leaps over the
Brella and drop kicks two soldiers. Mousse leaps up,
spins around and launches half a dozen chained weapons from
his sleeves {guess they didn't get them all} that wrap around
various Imperials. Even Tsubasa gets into the act, hefting
his blaster and spraying fire into the troopers. Ewoks rush
into the melee, and the Imperials are forced to use their
unwieldy rifles as makeshift clubs. In fact, everybody is
fighting except Ukyou, who is just staring at all the chaos.
Ryouga notices this.)

Ryouga: Ukyou! What are you doing? Hurry up and give us
a hand!

Ukyou: What's the use...without R-r-ranchan...

Harkov: Oh, snap out of it! (Ukyou glares at him) Ranma didn't
betray you.

Ukyou(confused): What?

Harkov: He and his father arranged it! (takes a moment to blow
away a troublesome scout) They needed to fool all the Imperials
into thinking Ranma fell to the Dark Side so they could get near
the Emperor.

Akane: But why didn't he tell us?

Harkov: He needed your real reactions! He couldn't tell anyone,
not even his friends!

Ukyou: (standing up) You mean Ranma and his father have been
planning this for a while?

Harkov: Genma's been planning it for years. He and Ranma only
came to terms when Ranma came here. They used telepathy to
communicate.

Ukyou: (snaps out her spatula) Well, what are we waiting for?!?
Let's go! (charges)
(The view changes to the throne room, which is suddenly minus
one throne as Ranma's lightsabre cleaves it in two. Un-
fortunately, Happousai has leapt into the air and lands on
top of the now dissected furniture. Ranma cocks back his
lightsabre.)

Ranma: DIE OLD MAN!
(He begins to swing his weapon in a complex series of
thrusts, swings, feints and passes that travel so fast
as to appear to be merely a flashing pulse of yellow
energy. However, Happousai easily dances around every
one, while saying the following dialogue.)

Happousai: So _that's_ it, eh? Trick the old man into
trusting you, and when he thinks he's safe, kill the
defenceless old codger. (eyes glow) Well, I'll tell you
one thing, sonny. You don't become a galactic dictator,
much less the most feared Dark Jedi in the galaxy by
being DEFENCELESS!!!
(He cries out and extends his fingers, sending five blue
lightning bolts crackling at Ranma. They coil around him,
and he cries out in shock and pain as he is sent hurtling
across the room to collide with a pillar. Ranma slumps
to the floor, eyes open and alert, but the rest of his
body limp. His lightsabre falls from benumbed fingers
and shuts down. Happousai spins and launches a single
red bolt at Genma, who was bringing his own lightsabre
down at the Emperor. Genma stiffens, a hole blown in
his armour, and topples. Happousai laughs.)

Happousai: Et tu, Genma? I should have known. Well, I
guess you both realise I'm not so easy to kill. (Ranma
is obviously trying to move) How do you like my paralysing
power pulses, lad? Holding you in suspense, aren't they!
(he laughs; Ranma rolls his eyes) But now you're in my power,
boy. (grins) And before the day is out, I'll complete your
admittedly short trip to the Dark Side, at which point you'll
be mine! But first... (leaps over to his chair) You must
witness the destruction of your pathetic rebel fleet!
(flicks a switch) Commander, fire at will. (flick) Now,
witness the awesome might of the HAPPOUDAIKARIN!!!
(Outside, the large, circular "eye" of the battle station
slides open, and a giant fuse bomb emerges. The bomb flies
merrily through space and strikes a Nebulon-B. There is a
titanic explosion that wipes out the capital ship and several
starfighters unlucky enough to be too close. On the bridge
of her Mon Cal cruiser, Nodoka gasps.)

Nodoka: It's operational! (looks pained) All ships, pull
away! We have to get in and attack those Star Destroyers!
(In the Falcon's cockpit...)

Tarou: We won't last long against that fleet in open combat!

Nodoka(over comm): We don't have a choice. A few well-placed
mega bombs, and we won't _have_ a rebellion anymore!

Tarou: (grits teeth) Come on Solo-kun, where are you?
(In answer to that question, Ryouga is running across a
field on Endor. He open his Brella to absorb the blast of
three Imperials before him. With a cry, he slams into them
like a freight train sending the troopers flying in various
directions. Ukyou leaps over him, launching mini-spatulas
that strike two other troopers. She lands on a convenient
trooper's head, and snaps her spatula straight out. A
passing scout is smashed right off his speeder bike, which
crashes into a cluster of troops. Out in the forest,
however, the tide of battle has turned towards the Empire
as the AT-ST walkers bring their weapons to bear against
the Ewoks. Arrows bounce of their armour, as gliders vainly
drop rocks on the walker's roofs. One even clings to the
leg, beating at it with a crude axe. Admiral Harkov and
Akane are near the bunker. He uses a rifle to spray bolts
into the crowd, while she is using kicks and thrusts to knock
away nearby Imperials. Ukyou lands nearby.)

Ukyou: We can't hold out here forever!

Harkov: We have to. If we don't blow this generator, the
Empire will destroy your fleet!
(A nearby bush grows a blaster rifle and picks off a
trooper. Tsubasa rushes out and kneels close to Ukyou,
blasting at every trooper in sight.)

Ukyou: That's my point! We don't need to survive out here,
we need to get in _there_ (she points at the blast doors)
and blow up the generators! That's the important thing!

Harkov: It's too thick to blast through.

Ukyou: That's okay. I can hack into the lock with a direct
interface.

Harkov: Well what are you waiting for?

Ukyou: Cover me.
(She runs over to the door and grasps her spatulas. With a
deft twist she removes the blade, revealing an I/O module.
She carefully inserts it into the port on the wall.)

Ukyou: I'm in! This shouldn't take long.
(At this point, a large AT-ST walker stalks into the clearing,
chasing two Ewoks. In the cockpit, the pilot is watching a
CGI layout. He glances at the corner, and sees a red flash
near the bunker. Looking out the window, he spots Ukyou.)

Pilot: Oh no you don't, rebel scum.
(Outside, the walker turns to face the bunker and trains its
guns on Ukyou. She is too intent on her work to notice, but
the others do.)

Akane: LOOK OUT!

Harkov: GIRL!

Tsubasa: (running at Ukyou) UKYOU-SAMA! {Note: the following is
in Dramatic Slo-mo(tm).}
(Ukyou begins to turn as Tsubasa closes. The pilots targeting
cross-hairs flash green as the centre on Ukyou. Ukyou notices
her danger, but is still hooked to the I/O station, unable to
escape. Tsubasa leaps as the pilot depresses his trigger...
{insert breath-taking pause} ...and Tsubasa flies in front of
Ukyou just as the heavy blaster bolts streak out. They smash
into the boy and he scream as a blast of brilliant white light
sends his hurtling into Ukyou. She is pushed down by his weight,
and the delicate I/O port snaps off. Tsubasa's dress has been
completely burned away on the chest, and his skin is scorched
brown in that area. Ukyou stares at him in surprise and horror.)

Tsubasa(weakly): U...kyou...you're safe...

Ukyou(softly): Tsubasa...thank you...

Tsubasa: (smiles) You're...wellllll....
(He sighs and his eyes close. Tsubasa's body goes limp.)

Ukyou: He's DEAD! By the Force, he's dead!!!

Akane(surprised): You really care?
(Ukyou stands up, attaching her blade over the broken I/O port.)

Ukyou: Don't you see...he was my only chance to become human...
(growls) MURDERERS!
(She charges at the walker. Up in space, the starfighter battle
has grown more intense. Two X-Wings fly along the hull of a Star
Destroyer. A TIE is caught between them and blown to pieces.
The X-Wings skim over the edge...and straight into two Assault
Gunboats, who blast them out of the sky. A Mon Cal cruiser finds
itself too close to the Executor and is slowly shredded by a mas-
sive volley of turbolaser bolts. At the same time, three
Corellian Corvettes outflank a Victory-class and blast it into
Imperial heaven (if there is one). The Hibiki Falcon flies past
a duelling A-Wing and Interceptor, blasting the TIE into pieces.
The A-Wing pilot-who happens to be Rick Hunter-thanks Tarou as he
flies off. Tarou grunts.)

Gosunkugi: Maybe if we give up now, they won't kill us.

Tarou: If you don't shut up now, I'll...I'll... (frowns)
Skywalker?

Gosunkugi: What is it?

Tarou: Take the controls for a few minutes. I have to do
something...
(Gosunkugi blinks, but grabs the controls as Tarou sits
back and closes his eyes. In the Emperor's throne room,
Happousai is amusing himself by using brassieres to sling-
shot bundled-up panties at the rebel ships he can see through
the viewport. Ranma is still sitting against the pillar,
paralysed. Then we hear Tarou's voice calling softly.)

Tarou(ethereal voice): [Skywalker?]
(Ranma blinks.)

Tarou(more insistent): [Skywalker!]

Ranma: [Tarou...what the...]

Tarou: [What do you think you're doing?]

Ranma: [I could ask _you_ the same thing. How the hell are
you doing this?!?]

Tarou: (after a pause) [God you're dense, Ranma. How
_else_ would I be doing this? I'm using the Force.]

Ranma: [What?!? But...]

Tarou: [Have you ever wondered about my curse, like exactly
_why_ I was on Jyusenkyou? Well let's just say I learned how
to use the Force while I was there.]

Ranma: [But you haven't used it before...]

Tarou: [That's because unlike _some_ people, I don't really
feel like having the Empire trying to recruit me. But that's
beside the point. Answer my question.]

Ranma: [What question?] (chilly pause) {Oh yeah. Well, you
see, I tried to kill Happousai, but...]

Tarou: [KILL HAPPOUSAI?!?] (short pause) [Very well. I
guess that as long as he's dead, it doesn't matter who
kills him. Now listen to me. You have to break the
paralysis...]

Ranma: [Easy for you to say. I've already tried.]

Tarou: (after a long pause) [I guess I'll have to lend
you my power.]

Ranma: [Huh?]

Tarou: (sighs) [Just concentrate, and try with all your
might to break the paralysis. NOW!]
(Ranma closes his eyes tightly. A trickle of sweat
rolls down his face. In the Falcon's cockpit, Tarou
suddenly cries out and slumps in his chair. In the
throne room, a blue aura surrounds Ranma and then bursts
as he leaps to his feet with a cry of triumph. He waves
his hand, and his lightsabre flies into it. It ignites
with a hiss just as Happousai turns to face him.)

Happousai(startled): H-how did you escape?

Ranma: (smiles) Guess you underestimated me.

Happousai(excited): Maybe I did...join me, Ranma! Join
me, and I can show you power like you wouldn't believe!

Ranma: Forget it.

Happousai: Think about what I'm offering you, boy.
You'll be stronger, faster, _better_ than anyone else!
You could beat anyone! Nobody could stand against you!
(Ranma hesitates, indecision wracking his face) Join me,
Ranma, and use your true power to rule the galaxy at my
side!

Ranma: NO! I won't! Never! (gets into offensive
position) If I've learned one thing since I left Tokyo,
it's that power doesn't really matter! All that really
matters is friends and family; those you care for and
those who care for you! I won't let them down!

Happousai: (eyes glow red) Very well. If you're so
attached to your friends, then you can join them in
DEATH!!!
(He thrusts his hand at Ranma and a small ball of red
light flies from it. Ranma leaps up and flips over it
as it blasts the column to pieces. He lands next to
Happousai and swings his lightsabre, but the old lech
catches it on his pipe. Happousai flies up and rams
himself into Ranma's chest, then bounces away. Ranma
reels back, but manages to stay on his feet as Happousai
bounces off the throne, wall, railing, back to the wall
and finally lands on the catwalk. He laughs and extends
his hands. Instantly, flashing bolts of orange light
fly from his fingertips. Ranma parries three and dodges
the rest. Happousai leaps from the catwalk, curling into
a ball and coating himself with a flaming aura. Ranma
"eeps" and jumps from the platform just as Happousai
strikes it dead centre with a burst of light. Ranma
lands and rolls to his feet to face Happousai as he flies
at him. Unfortunately, the light is in Ranma's eyes and
Happousai flies straight into him. He pounds Ranma with
a series of well-placed blows from his pipe that end with
him being tossed across the room. The boy collides-upside
down-with the wall and slowly slides to the ground.
Happousai chuckles as Ranma rises to his hands and knees.)

Ranma: [He's so strong...how am I supposed to beat him?]

Happousai: Beginning to regret your decision boy?

Ranma: (eyes narrow as he stands up) No way. I'd rather
die than be like you.

Happousai: (shrugs) Oh well...
(Happousai cups his hand and a flaming blue ball forms in
it.)

Ranma: You force me to use my secret power, Emperor.

Happousai: Oh please...

Ranma: Now face my Ultimate Technique (tm) you old fool!

Happousai: Ah, bravado. The elixir of the damned.
(hesitates)

Ranma: SKYWALKER SECRET TECHNIQUE!!!
(He turns and runs under the platform, leaving Happousai
to stare after him.)

Happousai: Running? (smiles) Run all you want, boy.
Hide all you want. In the end, it'll all be the same.
(laugh megalomaniacally)
(Back on the forest moon, the rebel/Ewok forces are hard-
pressed, as the AT-ST walkers are really pounding them. The
command crew of rebels-along with Harkov-are fighting des-
perately near the bunker. Ukyou seems particularly fierce
as she sends the troopers flying left and right. Finally,
she pauses and glances up at the AT-ST's.)

Harkov: Calmed down yet?

Ukyou: Not really. I just think it's time I started using
my head instead of my spatula.

Harkov: What do you intend?

Ukyou: We can still win if we take out those AT-ST's. But
how...

Ryouga: I got it! I can get them! Wait here! (bursts from
cover)

Ukyou: Ryouga, wait! What's your plan!?
(Ryouga either doesn't hear or ignores Ukyou's cry. He rushes
at one of the AT-ST's, his Brella glowing brightly. It absently
blasts once at him, but misses. Then, when he is almost upon it
he leaps, gaining air time that would Jordan weep, and lands
on the right knee joint.)

Ryouga: (growls) I'm not going to let you hurt Akane, you
Imperial scum!

Akane: What's he doing?
(Ryouga slides his Brella into the joint.)

Ukyou: But that Brella won't hurt...

Ryouga: Take this! SHISHI HOKODAN!
(Ryouga's weapon is transformed from a club to a giant sphere
inside the walker's joint. The lower part of the "leg" is
blasted off and the walker teeters like a giant metal flamingo.
Ryouga leaps from it just as it begins to topple. Unfortunately,
it topples forward, straight towards him. He rolls to his feet,
sees this, and begins running forward, his arms pumping furiously.
However, the walker is falling too fast. Much too fast. Ryouga
reaches desperately forward, his face showing that he realizes
he won't make it...when a lasso falls over him and he is yanked
out from under it. The walker crashes down behind him and goes
up in a fireball. Ryouga lands face-first at Mousse's feet as
the white-robed boy unwraps the lasso.)

Mousse: Do I have to keep saving your life, Ryouga?
(Akane picks Ryouga up by the collar and glares into his face.)

Akane: BAKA! Don't you _ever_ do anything that stupid again!!!

Ryouga: But I destroyed the walker...

Akane: (shakes him) Who cares!?! You almost died out there!
Promise me you won't do anything like that again!

Ryouga(confused): I...I...I promise...

Ukyou: (clears throat) If you two are quite finished, I think I
have a plan.

Harkov: It isn't anything like his, is it?
(Ukyou gives him a flat stare. The scene now shows an AT-ST
walker stalking through the forest. Suddenly, Ukyou drops from
a nearby tree limb onto its roof. She runs over to the hatch
and uses her spatula to pry it off like a pop-bottle top. She
leaps inside, and seconds later two pilots fly out. Elsewhere,
two Ewoks are being chased by a walker. Then, out of the
bushes springs Mousse. He waves both his arms and sends a
swarm of roped, chained, coiled and cabled weapons at its
legs. He pulls down his arms and the weapons detach from his
robes, revealing that the AT-ST's legs are caught in a complex
web of interlocking cables. It topples into a tree and explodes
while Mousse flashes a "V" sign. We see another walker raining
terror down on a small band of Ewoks. A second AT-ST stalks
into the clearing. The first one ignores it, and is promptly
blown to bits as the second lets loose with a volley of laser
bolts. The Ewoks cheer. Elsewhere, Shampoo is kneeling high
in a tree with several Ewoks. She watches an approaching AT-ST
through macrobinoculars, then gestures sharply. An Ewok chops
through a nearby rope with his axe. A large, sharpened log,
held vertically over the ground, suddenly falls downward into
the walker like a stake through a vampire's heart-with the same
result. At the bunker, Harkov, Akane and Ryouga fight viciously
for a few moments, then blink as they realize they have no more
opponents.)

Akane: We...won...
(At that moment, another AT-ST stalks into the clearing and
trains its guns on them.)

Harkov: I think you spoke too soon.
(All three raise their hands.)

Ukyou(over loudspeaker): I'd wave too, but my hands are full
at the moment.

Ryouga: Ukyou?

Ukyou(sarcastically): No, I'm actually an evil duplicate
impersonating her as part of a complex trap to wipe out all
life in the universe. Sheesh. Of course it's me!

Harkov: Excellent! (shouts) Stay there! It's time to blow
this popsicle stand!

Akane: What's a popsicle? (Ryouga shrugs)
(Up in space, the Imperial fleet is laying on the punishment.
Particularly the Executor, which no rebel ship can match for
sheer firepower. The starfighter battles are particularly
intense, with fighters spinning around capital ships, criss-
crossing in midspace and exploding in brief balls of fiery
death. In the Falcon, Tarou is just regaining consciousness.)

Gosunkugi: Welcome back, though I would have stayed un-
conscious if I were you. It would have been more pleasant.

Tarou: Yeah, I wouldn't have had to listen to your whining.
(groans) Remind me never to do that again.

Gosunkugi: Don't do that again.

Tarou(dryly): Thanks.

Nodoka(over the comm): Tarou, are you awake yet?

Tarou: Hai. (rubs the back of his head)

Nodoka: Good. Now listen. I want you to stay near the
Happoudaikarin from here on in.

Tarou: Why?

Nodoka: It's just a feeling, but they usually pan out.

Tarou: (snorts) Usually. Wars have been lost because of that
word.

Nodoka: Do you have a better plan?
(Meanwhile, in the dark maze of columns under Happousai's
throne, Ranma is walking around slowly. His lightsabre off,
he leans against a pipe.)

Ranma: [Now what am I supposed to do?]
(Suddenly, he frowns and looks behind him. Dust has wiped
off the pipe, revealing the word "Coolant.")

Ranma: [Coolant?] (concentrates for a moment) [It's water...]
(A brief vision of Happousai playing with the brassiere
appears. Ranma's eyes widen and he backs up, shaking his
head in denial.)

Ranma(barely audible whisper): Oh no. I'm not... (pauses)
..but it's the only way...
(He activates his lightsabre. Meanwhile, the Emperor is
standing atop the platform, laughing.)

Happousai: Come out boy, you should see this! Those nasty
rebels are being annihilated!
(Just then a geyser of water erupts on the other side of
the platform. Happousai jumps, but the water quickly recedes.)

Happousai: Trying to sabotage my battle station? Heh heh,
you must really be desperate!

Voice(from behind him; sultry): Master Happouuusaaaiii...

Happousai: Eh?
(He turns, to see Ranma-chan standing at the edge of the
platform in a _very_ alluring pose.)

Happousai: WHOA BABY!!! (hearts in his eyes)

Ranma-chan: (reaches up and undoes her top button) I'm sooo
warm...

Happousai: Here, let me help!
(He leaps at her. Ranma-chan smiles easily as the drooling
hentai closes, then reaches to her belt at the last possible
second.)

Ranma-chan: Gotcha!
(She snaps out her thrumming lightsabre and slices Happousai
out of the air. The lech screams and bounces across the
platform, to land before the viewport. Ranma-chan smirks
and redoes the top button.)

Ranma-chan: Take that, you old freak.
(Happousai's form begins to quiver, and he raises himself
to one knee.)

Ranma-chan(disbelief): What does it take to kill you?!?
(Back to the forest moon. More specifically, the internal
control centre of the shield generator. An officer stands
at a comm station.)

Voice(over comm): Our forces have driven the rebels into the
woods, but we took heave losses. We need help in pursuing
them.

Officer: Very good. I'll send a full squad to help you, and
I'll even lead them personally.

Voice: That'll be great. Out.
(Outside, the clearing appears deserted as the blast doors
open and the squad runs out. Then Ukyou's AT-ST clomps
forward, Ewoks pop out of every bush, and rebels run down to
surround the Imperials. Harkov smiles as he points his blaster
at the officer. The scene switches back to the control room.
The rebel crew burst in and quickly take out the guards and
technicians. Pulling disk shaped charges out of satchels, they
begin attaching them to various surfaces. Harkov twists a dial
on one and frowns.)

Harkov: Uh-oh...

Ryouga: Uh-oh? Uh-oh, uh-oh's are bad. What is it?

Harkov: The radiation from the reactor core is interfering with
the timers. We won't be able to set them.

Ukyou: Damn! We have to take out this installation.

Akane: Hai, if we don't...

Harkov: We'll have to think about this. Come on, let's step
outside.
(They all grumble but move towards the door. Harkov is last,
and as Ukyou steps out, he reaches over and flips a switch.
The door clanks down in front of him, sealing out the others.)

Akane: Harkov?

Harkov(over intercom): Sorry about this, folks, but Ukyou is
correct. We need to destroy this bunker, so someone will have
to set of those bombs manually...

Ukyou: No! You don't have to...

Harkov: Admit it girl, _somebody_ has to do it... (sighs) and
I have a lot to make up for. You have two minutes.

Ukyou(softly): Damn you. (louder) Come on!

Ryouga: We're not going to leave him?!?

Ukyou: We don't have a choice. Let's go!
(Back on the Happoudaikarin, Ranma-chan is standing with his
lightsabre held low. Happousai, shaking, is slowly raising
himself up.)

Ranma-chan: [Got to act quick.] (she clutches her sabre
tightly and begins to glow with a yellow aura) [I'll have to
use _all_ my power, every last bit of my strength in one final
blow!]
(She holds the lightsabre up to her face. It begins to crackle.
In the bunker, Harkov grips a charge tightly and moves his
finger towards a large red button. Back in the throne room,
Happousai has almost regained his feet. Genma shudders and
uses his arm to prop himself up.)

Genma: Finish him off, boy! DO IT NOW!
(Ranma-chan's lightsabre collapses, and the handle becomes
encased in a sphere of energy which she cups in her hands. Her
clothes and hair ripple, as if a powerful wind were blowing on
her. Back in the bunker, Harkov's finger begins to touch the
trigger.)

Harkov(whispers): For freedom...
(Outside, the rebels run from the bunker, their flight frantic.)

Ukyou: Everybody DOWN! It's gonna... (she dives)
(Ryouga tackles Akane, covering her with his body. Mousse does
the same with a rebel, and Shampoo takes cover as well. Then
flames burst from the door and the hill bursts apart, consuming
the dish. In the throne room, Ranma-chan pulls her hands to her
chest. The glow intensifies to blinding.)

Ranma-chan(at the top of her lungs): MOKO (thrusts hands forward)
TAKA (the glow dims momentarily, concentrating in her palms)
BISHA!
(A solid, thick beam of energy flies from Ranma-chan. Happousai
looks up, and his eyes widen even as they are glazed over by a
yellow glow. Then the beam plows into him. Briefly his sil-
louhette remains, then flies away. The beam continues on,
crashing into the viewport. Outside, we see it flash from the
fortress like a beacon. Aboard the bridge of the Executor,
alarms ring out.)

Officer: Sir, massive energy surge from the Happoudaikarin!
I've never seen anything like it!

Captain: What?!?

Officer: It's coming this w...
(The bridge is blasted by a massive yellow beam the rises through
the floor. Outside, we see the light has pierced the heart of the
Executor like a needle. As it ends, streaking away, the crippled
Super Star Destroyer begins to drift. On the rebel bridge,
Nodoka's eyes widen.)

Nodoka: That was RANMA!!!

Tarou(in his cockpit): Uh-huh...wait, that beam didn't hit...
(excited) The shield is down! The shield's down! All available
fighters, follow my lead!
(Meanwhile, aboard the Happoudaikarin, Ranma-chan and Genma are
dealing with an unforeseen difficulty with blasting the Emperor.
Namely, the sudden decompression of the entire chamber. Ranma-
chan managed to latch onto the railing, but Genma didn't and
is slowly being dragged toward the gaping hole. Ranma-chan
stretches a hand towards him.)

Ranma-chan(shouts over the wind): Reach for me!
(Genma tries, but only slides faster without both hands.)

Genma(shouts): I can't! I won't make it!

Ranma-chan: Oh yes you will! I spent most of my life looking
for you! I'm not going to lose you now!
(She lets go, slides forward a bit then clamps on with her legs.
She reaches desperately for him as he begins to slide again and...
latches firmly onto his wrist.)

Ranma-chan: Now hang on!

Genma: I am! I am! Just don't let go!

Ranma-chan(breathing heavily): Ever consider a diet, pop?!
(At this point, a large blast door slides into place where
the viewport used to be. Ranma-chan and Genma relax for a
moment, then stand up.)

Ranma-chan: Come on, we've got to get out of here!

Genma: (as they run towards the turbolift) What was that
about food?
(Outside, the Executor is caught in the Happoudaikarin's
gravity well. It flies into the fortress like a giant
arrowhead and erupts in a pillar of flame. A squad of
fighters fly around the explosion, led by the Falcon and
chased by several dozen TIE's.
They come to one of the large hols in the superstructure
and fly in, cruising through the complex interlacing of
girders and pipes. A TIE in the back isn't quite good
enough, collides with a conduit and explodes.)

Tarou(in the Falcon): Okay, people, let's lock on the
largest power source and follow it in.

Gosunkugi: You know, these corridors are more likely to
come to dead ends than...
(Tarou backhands Gosunkugi, instantly knocking him
unconscious. Meanwhile, the chase kicks into high gear as
the TIE's start to strafe the tunnels with bolts. An un-
fortunate A-Wing is caught and careens into the wall. The
fighters zoom around a sharp
turn up, right, diagonal down/left and up again in a dizzying
series of twists and turns. Several fighters-both rebel and
Imperial-don't make it.)

Tarou: We'll never make it like this. Okay, we're going to
have to split up. Half of you, head back to the surface and
get as many TIE's as you can to follow you.
(True to his instructions, when they reach the next split in
the tunnel, half follow Tarou and the other half turn aside.
One Imperial can't decide who to chase and flies straight
into the wall. However, most of the Imperials take off after
the decoy group. The chase continues after Tarou, but his
gunners keep the TIE's from closing by strafing the rear
tunnel. Wedge's X-Wing takes the lead just as they burst
into a large, open area. In the centre, two teardrop-shaped
pylons hover between ceiling and floor, an arc of energy
between them.)

Wedge(over comm): There it is! (his X-Wing flies forward
and fires a series of laser bolts, all of which have no effect)
It's blaster shielded!

Tarou: We'll see about that! (grabs the by now familiar trigger)
Let's see it block this! (flips up the safety) BAKUSAI TEN KETSU
CANNON!
(Multi-coloured lightning flashes in the wedge, then a glow forms,
and finally and arrow of light blasts into the reactor and causes
a tremendous explosion of sound and light. This quickly clears
to show no apparent damage, except for the fact that the arc is
no longer there. The Falcon, Wedge, and two other X-Wing's fly
around it and through a convenient hole on the other side. Two
TIE's fly after them, but nothing else gets by as the reactor
core overloads and explodes in a giant ball of flame. The
Falcon and it's entourage of TIE's and X-Wings fly through the
tunnels, with the ball of flame hot on their heels. A TIE can't
get up enough speed and falls behind into the creeping inferno.
Moments later, an X-Wing pilot gets scared, boosts his engines
too high and can't spin fast enough to avoid a girder, which
snaps off a wing. He tumbles into the inferno. Meanwhile, in
a hangar bay, Ranma-chan and Genma run through a throng of people
and up to a shuttle.)

Genma: C'mon boy, this is our ticket out of...
(There is a concussion in the distance and the floor rocks; they
barely retain their footing. The sirens, if possible, grow more
insistent.)

Ranma-chan: Let's just go, pop. We don't have much time.

Genma: (smiles) The end of an era boy. They don't happen very
often.

Ranma-chan: I'm beginning to regret saving you! Now get on!
(They rush aboard, and the shuttle flies out of the hangar.
As it does so, another TIE makes itself conspicuous by flying
_into_ the hangar. A long tether dangles from the hull...
Meanwhile, in the tunnels, an X-Wing doesn't quite manage to
pull a turn and crashes against the wall. The Falcon is forced
to go vertical after that turn to make it between two pillars.
After a few more seconds of intense chase, the final TIE begins
to lose power to its twin ion engines and can't keep ahead of
the fireball. Then Tarou and Wedge's craft fly out of the
battle station and pour on the afterburners as a geyser of flame
chases them into space. Both ships put distance between them-
selves and the Happoudaikarin as multiple secondary explosions
rock tme sort of coil on the
bottom flies into view. In thlly,
the entire station destabilizes and expands in a series of mul-
tiple explosive globes that tear it to pieces. However, the
globes quickly shrink as the oxygen inside the station is used
up. On the command ship's bridge, there is a resounding cheer.
Nodoka, however, looks worried.)

Nodoka: Okay people, let's not cheer yet. We still have a fleet
to rout.
(On the forest moon, the rebel commandos are watching the sky
where the blinding flash of the Happoudaikarin's death is dying
out. Shampoo, Akane and Ukyou watch this with anxious expressions.
Ryouga places his hand on Akane's shoulder, and she turns to face
him.)

Ryouga: I'm sure he got out in time.

Akane: I hope so... (Ukyou looks over)

Ryouga: And when he gets back... (swallows) I won't stand between
you...

Akane(confused): What are you talking about?

Ryouga: You...you l-love him...I can accept that. You-you won't
have to worry about me trying to come between you...
(Akane stares deep into Ryouga's eyes, which are brimming over
with sincerity. Then she begins to snicker, then chuckle and
finally laughs out loud.)

Ryouga(hurt): Fine, I under...
(Akane grabs him by both cheeks and silences him with a fierce
kiss. Ryouga's arms go akimbo and steam shoots out his ears.
She pulls back from the now-dazed lost boy.)

Akane(playfully): You baka. Ranma's an insensitive jerk. I
don't love him, he's only a _friend_, but now... (she leans
into him) I think I've found somebody...
(Ryouga hesitantly wraps his arms around and a stupid grin
affixes itself permanently on his face. Ukyou smiles happily.
The scene switches, and it is now night. X-Wings fly across
the skies of Endor, igniting fireworks in their wake. In the
Ewok tree village, a huge party takes place. Rebels and Ewoks dance
to music, played on flutes, drums and stormtrooper helmets.
Tofu is twisting a hapless Ewok into bizarre shapes while
jabbering at an airheadedly smiling Kasumi. Nabiki has set
up a three card monty table, and has a pile of stuff twice as
tall and half again as wide as her beside it. Soun is flitting
about like a butterfly, extrapolating on his joy at the top of
his lungs. Gosunkugi is in a body cast and propped against a
tree. Mousse is searching for Shampoo, who is leaning against
a railing. Ranma stands nearby, absently fiddling with his
lightsabre and every now and then casting unreadable glances
at Akane and Ryouga, who stand with fingers interlaced. Ukyou
sits slightly apart from the others, staring into space.
Genma, dressed in a white gi, stands near Ranma, wolfing down
large quantities of food. Tarou stands pretty much in the
centre, talking to Akane.)

Akane: ...so your mother went to Jyusenkyou when she was pregnant
with you, and you were unfortunate enough to be born when Happousai
escaped.

Tarou: Hai, and he blessed me in the spring of drowned yeti-
riding-bull-carrying-crane-and-eel and then gave me that...dreaded
name.

Ranma: Wait a second. If you were born when Happousai escaped,
then that would mean that you're... (counts on his fingers)
..five, maybe six years younger than me.

Tarou: Apparently my race matures quickly.

Ryouga: What race _are_ you, anyway?

Tarou: (shrugs) I'm not sure. My mother died at childbirth.

Shampoo: That no bother you?

Tarou: These things happen.

Ranma: But you never really explained why you don't use the Force.

Tarou: Like I said, I didn't want the Empire's attentions.
Besides, _I_ think it's better to rely on yourself before you
use some fickle power.
(Nodoka appears out of nowhere and boxes Ranma's ear.)

Ranma: OW! Mom! What is it?!

Nodoka(stern): We're going to have a talk about a certain thing
involving the Dark Side!

Ranma: It was just a ploy, mom!

Nodoka: I can see the signs that you let yourself be tempted.
Well you're grounded, young man!

Ranma(incredulous): You're _grounding_ me for almost going to
the Dark Side?!?

Genma; Take your punishment like a man.

Nodoka(icy): I'll get to _you_ soon enough, husband.
(Genma gulps and drops his plate. Suddenly, he sniffs.)

Genma: Smoke?
(He looks at his shoulder, along with everybody else. They gape
at what is sitting there.)

Happousai: Hiya boys.

Ranma(disbelief): Aren't you DEAD!?!

Happousai: What? You thought being blasted by a beam of un-
imaginable power and launched into the chilling void of space could
kill me? You have a lot to learn, boy.

Ranma: You're not going to try to conquer the universe again, are
you?

Happousai: Naw. I'd much rather take the time to properly train
you.

Tarou: DIE HAPPOUSAI!!!
(He swings at the old lech, who leaps out of the way. Tarou's fist
connect solidly with Genma's skull, knocking him unconscious.)

Happousai: Well! If it isn't little Pantyhose!

Tarou: (swinging again) Don't call me that!

Ranma: (puts his head in his hands) Why me...

THE END

Author's postscript: Thus ends the Ran Wars saga. I hope you enjoyed
it as much as we did. Upon feedback from our prereaders, we finally
decided that there _will_ be more installments, loosely based on the
Star Wars novels. Some might have noticed that while "An Old Plot"
stuck pretty close to SW continuity, sucessive segments drifted away
from it in many respects. This reflects the entirely different nature
and abilities of the Ranma characters, _and_ the fact that we didn't
want this simply to be a rehash of the existing Star Wars material.
The trend will continue, as we like to think that the Ran Wars universe
stands quite nicely on its on, while drawing influences from both series'
upon which it was originally based. Don't look for the sequels _too_
soon, though, as we have a host of other projects right now. In the
meantime, let us answer a few questions we know must be burning within you...

1) Is Kodachi dead. Maybe...maybe not. OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

2) Why kill off Tsubasa? We felt like it. Besides, this is just
something that had to happen. Tsubasa would have been miserable in
life with Ukyou. This way, he not only makes up for his previous
crimes against but dies happy.

3) Ditto for Harkov. Admiral Harkov didn't really fit in with any
future in the Ran Wars galaxy. Besides, it made for a nice, dramatic
scene.

4) If Ranma's "betrayal" was all a ploy, did he let Ryouga win? Ranma
would like you to think so. Ranma would like you to think he could
have beaten Ryouga at any time. If you believe him, you've got serious
problems. Nope, Ranma lost fair and square. Helps that Ryouga had
love and justice (sounds like Sailor Moon, doesn't it?) on his side.

5) Did Ranma fall to the Dark Side? Yes, Ranma's personality led him
to temporarily fall to the Dark Side back on Jyusenkyou. However, he
pulled himself back when facing the Emperor. The real question is:
could he fall again? Yes. Ranma may care more for his friends than
power, but he still has little control over his anger.

6) Why did Ryouga and Akane get together? Ah, the big one. First,
Akane finally realized what Ryouga was willing to do for her. Plus,
she's known Ryouga longer than Ranma and he _did_ tell her he loved
her. If he hadn't done that when he did, it's quite possible she
could have ended up with Ranma. Ranma's apparent betrayal helped
along matters as well. It also follow Star Wars continuity. Finally,
this was, after all, _our_ fanfic and we _can_ claim some liberty in how
We use the characters. Besides, if Rumiko Takahashi didn't see fit to
marry Ranma and Akane off or even have them admit their love for each
other, why should we?

Until we next meet: "May the Force be or not to be, that is the
question before this court; for the road less travelled is paved with
good intentions..."

Blade and Epsilon