Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho ❯ Great Roasting Chestnuts; They're so Flaming! ( Chapter 18 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: WFROSE 
Ranma is honored as she takes to a new teacher in the art
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 11.16.2001 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.0K | Visits: 748 | Status: Completed
Ranma is honored as she takes to a new teacher in the art
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 11.16.2001 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.0K | Visits: 748 | Status: Completed
Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho
Cologne watched her Granddaughter stiffly go through setting up the restaurant for the day, and shook her head. The Elder decided that her heir had remained too ignorant of certain facts of life, her martial arts training consuming all other aspects, and not leaving much room for other concepts. Occasionally, Shampoo would pause and scan the area, like a hunter would for any sign of dangerous wild life, then she would return to whatever task she was at, though keeping most of her attention on her surroundings.
Cologne had taken three hours to explain things; first it was the standard euphemisms that are generally used to cushion the blow (usually for parents), but Shampoo's blank and unwavering stare forced the Elder to be a bit more blunt...
______________________________________________________________ ____________________
"IS IT THAT HARD TO COMPREHEND!" screamed Cologne, "THE MALE TAKES HIS DICK AND STICKS IT IN THE BIGGER OF THE TWO HOLES AND REPEATS UNTIL YOU ARE BOTH REALLY REALLY HAPPY!!! YOU GET IT NOW? DO I NEED TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM?!?"
___________________________________________________________ _______________________
The discussion last night hadn't gone all that well.
Almost before Cologne's patience wore out, Shampoo started to grasp things. Cologne sighed in relief as she went on to explain the blessed consequences of the dirty act, telling her of the excruciating pain that every warrior is honored to feel, to bring forth a new strong child into the world to carry on their blood line. Shampoo had hung on to the old woman's every word until she was done.
"Okay, Old Ghoul, I'm tak'n that pill today, whether you like it or not," Cologne turned to greet her red headed employee, while Shampoo went rigid as a board.
"Well, Daughter-in-law, if you think today's the day, I guess luck is on your side."
"Heh, you damn right it is," Ranma turned to Shampoo, "Hiya Shampoo, how..."
Shampoo spun around with a wild look in her eyes, "HUSBAND NO STICK SPEAR INTO SHAMPOO LOTUS!!!!!!" To punctuate her pledge, Shampoo slammed her ever-available bonbori into the other girl's face, sending her across the restaurant and embedding her into the far wall.
No, the discussion last night hadn't all gone that well at all.
Apparently, Shampoo didn't like the idea of having to be in the highest possible agony anyone could (barely) live through for a varied length of time while passing a watermelon through something the size of a plum. The lavender haired girl had spent the rest of the night awake and watching for anything (anything male, that is) like a sentinel, to ensure that she would never have to experience that type of pain.... ever. Cologne knew she'd grow out of it, eventually. One day.
"Ancestors, have mercy on them," prayed Cologne, as she watched her potential Son-in-law slide down the wall into a crumbled heap. Shampoo dashed upstairs to wash herself of that *male's* touch.
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"For the deity's sakes, Suyari, it's just going to be a slumber party! No, I'm not going to make that promise, it's not like you wouldn't enjoy it anyway! Hello? Hello?" Akane slammed the phone down in frustration, "Honestly, you try to arrange a mass orgy, and everyone gets a case of the nerves..."
"It sounded like Suyari flat out rejected you to me, Akane," commented Nabiki as she lazily shifted through a magazine while doing leg lifts, "Face it, you're just not as good as Ranma at these things.
Akane purposely kept her eyes off her sister as much as possible, while fighting to keep her control over her anger, "Hey! I'm a harlot too! I..." Akane and Nabiki blinked at what the youngest Tendou daughter said; Akane shrugged it off and continued, "I can get just as many men and women as Ranma gets!"
Nabiki stopped her exercises and walked up to her sister, "Sure you can, sis, sure you can," the middle Tendou daughter appeased as she patted Akane's head. Nabiki giggled and darted upstairs before her sister could retaliate.
Any rebuke died on Akane's lips, her sister was right, she was a failure when it came to getting some without Ranma for backup. Instead of resorting to self-pity, Akane steeled her resolve. She WILL make Ranma-sama proud of her! She WILL be the one sharing with Ranma, instead of her taking Ranma's handouts. Yes, Akane Tendou, student of the Saotome Sensual School of Martial arts WILL prove herself!
With that, Akane picked up the phone, and dialed another number, "Hiroshi, who is this? Oh, it's Akane, I'm in your English class. Oh, I'm not that popular! Listen, I'm having a little get together at the end of this week..."
______________________________________________________________ ____________________
"Oooh, whad' she do that for?" groaned Ranma as she picked herself up from the ground, "Ptui, damn hairs, gotta start flossing better in the morning".
"My Granddaughter's on the rag," Cologne commented non-chilantly as she hopped back to the kitchen on her stick, "Get yourself straightened out now, we have the Sunday lunch rush to deal with.
"Alright already, you old bat," Ranma-chan grumbled under her breath, receiving a pair of chopsticks to the head in reply.
"By the way, have you taken my offer into consideration, Daughter-in-law?"
"HA!" Ranma laughed, "As if I'd let her take me away and tie me down!"
"Really, child, is monogamy such a bad thing," Cologne sighed.
"Monogamy? Is that a board game or something?" Ranma asked innocently, then made another attempt for the locket Cologne wore around her neck. The old Amazon was impressed at the speed the redhead had gained in three short days, later on today she was going to show her the next step.
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Akane slammed the phone onto the hook in frustration. It seemed that no one was available for her little get together; she would almost swear that they all were afraid of sex or something. A small sigh escaped, before she firmed herself. It wouldn't do for Ranma's prize student to give up like this. She had to be persistent, like Ranma-sama. Perhaps starting small would give her a boost in confidence.
"I feel like ramen for lunch..."
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"Shampoo, order up," Cologne announced after handing the girl the meal and the addresses. The purple haired girl gave her redheaded 'husband' wide birth as she rushed out the door.
"She sure is acting weird," Ranma stated, then turned back to gaining her customer's order, and making them feel appreciated for patronizing the Cat Cafe.
"Now, honey, if the nice waitress wants to sit on your lap, I don't see the harm in it."
Cologne admitted to herself that it seemed to work.
_________________________________________________________________ _________________
Shampoo paused outside the door of the Tendou household after knocking to make herself look presentful. It wouldn't do for an Amazon to look weak before her in-laws.
Kasumi answered the door with a polite smile, "Oh, hello, Shampoo, Akane's been very anxious to meet you today."
"Wife make order?" Shampoo inquired out loud. Kasumi blinked at the question, then nodded in affirmation.
"If you mean Akane, I believe she did, let me take this into the dining room while you go upstairs to meet her." Shampoo's face contorted into a cute little puzzled expression as she walked upstairs, and then knocked on the youngest Tendou's room.
"Come in," said the voice from the other side of the door. Shampoo obeyed and strolled in, not paying attention to her host.
"Would you be a dear and close the door?" Akane asked. Shampoo closed the door, then looked up at Akane. The other girl was dressed only in cotton panties and a lace bra, stretched out across her bed in what she presumed was a seductive pose, "It's way too hot to have to wear all that clothing." Akane emphasized her nakedness by turning on her bed towards the Amazon, scrunching her rather... humble endowments before the lavender haired girl.
"Why Wife not turn on fan?" Shampoo asked as she pointed to the desktop fan in Akane's room.
Akane chuckled, "Shampoo... chan, that doesn't matter at the moment," Akane patted the spot beside her on the bed, "why don't you sit down for a bit, making all those deliveries must be tiring."
"Shampoo is strong Amazon, no tired from delivery. Why you want see Shampoo? Wife want go China now?"
"Nothing like that, I just wanted..." Akane attempted to stride sensuously up to the Amazon, "your company, that's all."
Shampoo's eyes narrowed, and repeated herself, "Why you want see Shampoo?"
Akane nudged Shampoo's ear with her nose, then trailed down to the other girl's collar, "We don't need to talk anymore, Shampoo..."
Shampoo took a step back away from Akane, "Shampoo know what Akane want."
"I hope you do," replied the raven-haired girl with an irritated expression.
"Great Grandmother tell Shampoo everything! Akane want to plunge sword into Shampoo sheath until we both too too happy!"
"Huh?" Akane asked intelligently.
"You make Shampoo feel too too much pain! Is YOU FAULT!" Shampoo pulled out a butterfly sword and a bonbori. Now it was Akane's turn to take a step back.
"Really, Shampoo, it may hurt for a second, but after that it..." Akane started to stammer nervously, only to be cut off by her guest.
"SHAMPOO KIL... ER, EVASCERATE!"
"HEY!!!!" Akane screamed, ducking under the sword swipe
_________________________________________________________________ _________________
Cologne looked at the clock in aggravation as she was dueling with Ranma once again for the Phoenix pill, "What's keeping her so long, she should had been back a half an hour ago."
Ranma shrugged best she could as she was attempting to trade blows with the old woman, "Beats me."
Cologne hid it well, but she was genuinely impressed with the progress Ranma had made. Since yesterday, the speed they had been dueling at had roughly doubled, and she could feel the redhead gaining more with each passing moment. After looking around and finding no customers in the restaurant, Cologne broke off the contest herself as she hopped away onto a stool.
"So, I'm start'n to get the better of you, Old Ghoul," Ranma stated haughtily, making her a ripe target for a head caning.
"Impetuous, come with me out back where I have something to show you."
"It's about time," the pigtailed girl grinned, rubbing her hands together in anticipation, which got her another smack to the head.
"Get your mind out of the gutter, child!"
_______________________________________________________________ ___________________
"So we're roasting marshmallows?" inquired Ranma, a bit disheartened, "I was hoping for a strip tease." Cologne herself shuddered at that one, and put it past her.
"Here's a bag of sweet chestnuts," the old Amazon opened the bag and placed the nuts into the fire, "Now watch closely..."
Cologne focused on the fire for a few seconds, and then raised her hands into the air. Ranma watched in awe as the elder's hands became almost invisible as she reached into the fire, and after a split second, each hand held a handful of roasted nuts.
"That, Daughter-in-law, was the Chestnuts roasting on an open fire technique, if you can master this, taking the phoenix pill from me will be...."
"AKANE NO STICK GAME CARTRIDGE IN SHAMPOO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM!!!!"
Both Ranma and Cologne blinked, then turned to see an indecently clothed Akane Tendou race into the back, with a furious Shampoo chasing her with a look of righteous anger on her face. The redhead and the elder then watched the race around the corner into the side alley.
"RANMA, HELLLLLLP!!!!!" The raven-haired girl screamed as she kept her pace, and in effect, whatever organs, real or imagined by Shampoo, between her legs.
"Shampoo, what have I told you about attempted homicide on your wife?" Cologne hopped onto her staff and followed after the pair. Ranma turned back to the fire, determined.
"Well, if that old bat can do it...." she told herself as she dumped a bag of chestnuts into the fire.
"Shampoo no attempt, Shampoo try succeed!"
_____________________________________________________________ _____________________
"Too hot..." Ranma groaned as she held her hands as close as she dare to the fire.
"Well, you know what they say, Saotome, try and try again," Nabiki stated, avidly munching her popcorn as she watched the redhead's self-punition.
Akane walked into the yard, wearing a robe that was graciously loaned to her by Cologne, stating it was unbecoming for a wife of an Amazon to be running around almost naked like a hussy, "That didn't go as planned, Ranma-sama, what are you doing?"
"I'm never going to get this technique," whined Ranma, as she stuck her sore hands into the fishpond.
"Oh, how disgraced I am, my only son whining like a GIRRRORF!!!!" Genma proclaimed, before suddenly finding himself transformed, hog tied, and muzzled.
"I'll save you for later," promised the redhead as she yanked the end of the rope to make sure she had the giant raccoon secure.
"Having difficulty, are we, Daughter-in-law?" a wizened voice asked.
"Old Ghoul, what are you doing here?"
"Why, I came to see your progress in the Chestnut Fist," Cologne stated honestly.
"Hmph, the only progress Ranma's made is in scorching her fingers," Nabiki quipped, trying to add to the redhead's misery.
Cologne stepped up to the fire and set her cane down, "I shall only show you this once more, so pay attention..." the old Amazon's hands raced into the fire, snagging all the nuts, much to everyone but Ranma's surprise.
"That was amazing," Kasumi commented as she took the nuts from the old woman.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a few errands to run." With that, Cologne took off.
Ranma groaned in misery, a life of abstinence flashing before her eyes, "It's just not fair."
"You know what I do whenever I'm feeling blue?" asked Soun.
"Masturbate until you're numb?" Ranma asked curiously.
"Er, no. The fair, the FAIR I say! Get some squid on a stick, play a few..."
Ranma looked unamused at the rant that Mr. Tendou went into, "'Kane, wanna go to the movies tonight?"
The Tendou patriarch stopped his triad, then began to cry, "MY SON-IN-LAW DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME!"
"Don't worry Dad," Nabiki said as she patted her dad on the back to soothe him, "none of us do."
"Well, that makes everything better then," Soun stated, clearing the tears away instantly.
"Sure, Ranma-sama. Sounds great!"
_______________________________________________________________ ___________________
"I dunno, Ranma-sama, the plot just seems too derived. Carrera's acting seems so forced," Akane complained, fidgeting in her seat as they watched the wide screen.
"Yeah, I know what you mean, but the camera was done nicely, catching the views with an artistic panache."
"Well, they'd have to, seeing as how they've only done missionary and doggy-style positions through out the whole film."
Ranma conceded the point to her partner, but found herself watching the screen with a genuine smile.
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Ranma-sama" Akane thought as she watched the other girl, who seemed to be paying rapt attention to the screen. Because of that, Akane missed Ranma's hand until it was too late.
"HEY!" the raven-haired girl screamed, as the redhead's hand sneaked under her skirt, "We're going to get caught!"
" You seemed like you weren't enjoying the film, so I'll entertain you. Besides; you weren't too worried about that at the ice-cream parlor," idly commented Ranma, "or the Zoo for that matter, or the old folks home..."
"But, mmmm, but..." Akane's protests melted on her lips. Ranma was content on taking her time, but noticed one of the theater employee's flashlight heading towards them.
"Damn," mumbled Ranma as she started to retract her hand, "we better get out of here before we get caught."
Akane quickly caught the other girl's hand, "Oh no, Ranma-sama, you started this, now you finish it!"
"But they're heading right this... okay, we'll just have to do this fast, I guess." Ranma relented, before something clicked in her mind.
"Wait, if I can move fast enough in the seconds before they find us... could I possibly use the chestnut fist?" Ranma took a deep breath after inward contemplation, "Hold on tight Akane..."
_____________________________________________________________ _____________________
At the fair, a little boy cried because he couldn't win any goldfish. Oh well, shit happens.
______________________________________________________________ ____________________
Aftertesting the technique on Akane in several public places, and various other women who were only aware of the sudden orgasm they experienced, the previous night, Ranma barged into the restaurant, "Okay, Old Ghoul, this is where I get that locket!"
"So I presumed you mastered the chestnut fist? Well if you think you can take it from me..." Cologne rushed out of the main room and towards the cellar door, Ranma-chan following close behind her. Suddenly the stairs turned into a slide that caught the redhead off-guard, and she slid down to the bottom to land on a thick shag carpet.
"Huh? What's this?" Ranma asked, then suddenly a dim light came on in the corner of the room. Her sight was greeted by several lovely women and some apparently shaven thirteen-year-old boys with tags tied to their arms stating 'Exported from Paraguay.' Ranma felt resolve weaken as she took a step towards the beautiful sight before her, but shook herself out of her stupor.
"You think this is damn funny?" growled Ranma as she turned away from the vision that was before her, "I STILL CAN'T EVEN GET OFF BECAUSE OF YOU!!!"
Cologne came out into the open, "Impressive, Daughter-in-law. And to think, even the fifth Emperor of the Zhou Dynasty could not have resisted the temptation that was presented before you," Cologne bounded off again, with Ranma giving chase. Ranma didn't notice the illusion disappear, the girls vanishing while the boys were being gathered up by a couple of men.
__________________________________________________________________ ________________
Ranma held up the locket smugly as Cologne looked upon the redhead rather proud.
"Hmm, it looks like a candy drop..." replied Ranma as she popped the 'pill' into her mouth, just barely catching the confirmation that it was candy from the elder. Akane rushed to the save with a bucket of water, ignoring Shampoo's cries of not approaching the pervert that wants to stick something in another thing or rather.
"You'll pay for this, you old Ghoul..." Ranma promised sinisterly, her eyes flashing crimson for but a split second.
Cologne watched her Granddaughter stiffly go through setting up the restaurant for the day, and shook her head. The Elder decided that her heir had remained too ignorant of certain facts of life, her martial arts training consuming all other aspects, and not leaving much room for other concepts. Occasionally, Shampoo would pause and scan the area, like a hunter would for any sign of dangerous wild life, then she would return to whatever task she was at, though keeping most of her attention on her surroundings.
Cologne had taken three hours to explain things; first it was the standard euphemisms that are generally used to cushion the blow (usually for parents), but Shampoo's blank and unwavering stare forced the Elder to be a bit more blunt...
______________________________________________________________ ____________________
"IS IT THAT HARD TO COMPREHEND!" screamed Cologne, "THE MALE TAKES HIS DICK AND STICKS IT IN THE BIGGER OF THE TWO HOLES AND REPEATS UNTIL YOU ARE BOTH REALLY REALLY HAPPY!!! YOU GET IT NOW? DO I NEED TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM?!?"
___________________________________________________________ _______________________
The discussion last night hadn't gone all that well.
Almost before Cologne's patience wore out, Shampoo started to grasp things. Cologne sighed in relief as she went on to explain the blessed consequences of the dirty act, telling her of the excruciating pain that every warrior is honored to feel, to bring forth a new strong child into the world to carry on their blood line. Shampoo had hung on to the old woman's every word until she was done.
"Okay, Old Ghoul, I'm tak'n that pill today, whether you like it or not," Cologne turned to greet her red headed employee, while Shampoo went rigid as a board.
"Well, Daughter-in-law, if you think today's the day, I guess luck is on your side."
"Heh, you damn right it is," Ranma turned to Shampoo, "Hiya Shampoo, how..."
Shampoo spun around with a wild look in her eyes, "HUSBAND NO STICK SPEAR INTO SHAMPOO LOTUS!!!!!!" To punctuate her pledge, Shampoo slammed her ever-available bonbori into the other girl's face, sending her across the restaurant and embedding her into the far wall.
No, the discussion last night hadn't all gone that well at all.
Apparently, Shampoo didn't like the idea of having to be in the highest possible agony anyone could (barely) live through for a varied length of time while passing a watermelon through something the size of a plum. The lavender haired girl had spent the rest of the night awake and watching for anything (anything male, that is) like a sentinel, to ensure that she would never have to experience that type of pain.... ever. Cologne knew she'd grow out of it, eventually. One day.
"Ancestors, have mercy on them," prayed Cologne, as she watched her potential Son-in-law slide down the wall into a crumbled heap. Shampoo dashed upstairs to wash herself of that *male's* touch.
________________________________________________________________ __________________
"For the deity's sakes, Suyari, it's just going to be a slumber party! No, I'm not going to make that promise, it's not like you wouldn't enjoy it anyway! Hello? Hello?" Akane slammed the phone down in frustration, "Honestly, you try to arrange a mass orgy, and everyone gets a case of the nerves..."
"It sounded like Suyari flat out rejected you to me, Akane," commented Nabiki as she lazily shifted through a magazine while doing leg lifts, "Face it, you're just not as good as Ranma at these things.
Akane purposely kept her eyes off her sister as much as possible, while fighting to keep her control over her anger, "Hey! I'm a harlot too! I..." Akane and Nabiki blinked at what the youngest Tendou daughter said; Akane shrugged it off and continued, "I can get just as many men and women as Ranma gets!"
Nabiki stopped her exercises and walked up to her sister, "Sure you can, sis, sure you can," the middle Tendou daughter appeased as she patted Akane's head. Nabiki giggled and darted upstairs before her sister could retaliate.
Any rebuke died on Akane's lips, her sister was right, she was a failure when it came to getting some without Ranma for backup. Instead of resorting to self-pity, Akane steeled her resolve. She WILL make Ranma-sama proud of her! She WILL be the one sharing with Ranma, instead of her taking Ranma's handouts. Yes, Akane Tendou, student of the Saotome Sensual School of Martial arts WILL prove herself!
With that, Akane picked up the phone, and dialed another number, "Hiroshi, who is this? Oh, it's Akane, I'm in your English class. Oh, I'm not that popular! Listen, I'm having a little get together at the end of this week..."
______________________________________________________________ ____________________
"Oooh, whad' she do that for?" groaned Ranma as she picked herself up from the ground, "Ptui, damn hairs, gotta start flossing better in the morning".
"My Granddaughter's on the rag," Cologne commented non-chilantly as she hopped back to the kitchen on her stick, "Get yourself straightened out now, we have the Sunday lunch rush to deal with.
"Alright already, you old bat," Ranma-chan grumbled under her breath, receiving a pair of chopsticks to the head in reply.
"By the way, have you taken my offer into consideration, Daughter-in-law?"
"HA!" Ranma laughed, "As if I'd let her take me away and tie me down!"
"Really, child, is monogamy such a bad thing," Cologne sighed.
"Monogamy? Is that a board game or something?" Ranma asked innocently, then made another attempt for the locket Cologne wore around her neck. The old Amazon was impressed at the speed the redhead had gained in three short days, later on today she was going to show her the next step.
_________________________________________________________________ _________________
Akane slammed the phone onto the hook in frustration. It seemed that no one was available for her little get together; she would almost swear that they all were afraid of sex or something. A small sigh escaped, before she firmed herself. It wouldn't do for Ranma's prize student to give up like this. She had to be persistent, like Ranma-sama. Perhaps starting small would give her a boost in confidence.
"I feel like ramen for lunch..."
_____________________________________________________________ _____________________
"Shampoo, order up," Cologne announced after handing the girl the meal and the addresses. The purple haired girl gave her redheaded 'husband' wide birth as she rushed out the door.
"She sure is acting weird," Ranma stated, then turned back to gaining her customer's order, and making them feel appreciated for patronizing the Cat Cafe.
"Now, honey, if the nice waitress wants to sit on your lap, I don't see the harm in it."
Cologne admitted to herself that it seemed to work.
_________________________________________________________________ _________________
Shampoo paused outside the door of the Tendou household after knocking to make herself look presentful. It wouldn't do for an Amazon to look weak before her in-laws.
Kasumi answered the door with a polite smile, "Oh, hello, Shampoo, Akane's been very anxious to meet you today."
"Wife make order?" Shampoo inquired out loud. Kasumi blinked at the question, then nodded in affirmation.
"If you mean Akane, I believe she did, let me take this into the dining room while you go upstairs to meet her." Shampoo's face contorted into a cute little puzzled expression as she walked upstairs, and then knocked on the youngest Tendou's room.
"Come in," said the voice from the other side of the door. Shampoo obeyed and strolled in, not paying attention to her host.
"Would you be a dear and close the door?" Akane asked. Shampoo closed the door, then looked up at Akane. The other girl was dressed only in cotton panties and a lace bra, stretched out across her bed in what she presumed was a seductive pose, "It's way too hot to have to wear all that clothing." Akane emphasized her nakedness by turning on her bed towards the Amazon, scrunching her rather... humble endowments before the lavender haired girl.
"Why Wife not turn on fan?" Shampoo asked as she pointed to the desktop fan in Akane's room.
Akane chuckled, "Shampoo... chan, that doesn't matter at the moment," Akane patted the spot beside her on the bed, "why don't you sit down for a bit, making all those deliveries must be tiring."
"Shampoo is strong Amazon, no tired from delivery. Why you want see Shampoo? Wife want go China now?"
"Nothing like that, I just wanted..." Akane attempted to stride sensuously up to the Amazon, "your company, that's all."
Shampoo's eyes narrowed, and repeated herself, "Why you want see Shampoo?"
Akane nudged Shampoo's ear with her nose, then trailed down to the other girl's collar, "We don't need to talk anymore, Shampoo..."
Shampoo took a step back away from Akane, "Shampoo know what Akane want."
"I hope you do," replied the raven-haired girl with an irritated expression.
"Great Grandmother tell Shampoo everything! Akane want to plunge sword into Shampoo sheath until we both too too happy!"
"Huh?" Akane asked intelligently.
"You make Shampoo feel too too much pain! Is YOU FAULT!" Shampoo pulled out a butterfly sword and a bonbori. Now it was Akane's turn to take a step back.
"Really, Shampoo, it may hurt for a second, but after that it..." Akane started to stammer nervously, only to be cut off by her guest.
"SHAMPOO KIL... ER, EVASCERATE!"
"HEY!!!!" Akane screamed, ducking under the sword swipe
_________________________________________________________________ _________________
Cologne looked at the clock in aggravation as she was dueling with Ranma once again for the Phoenix pill, "What's keeping her so long, she should had been back a half an hour ago."
Ranma shrugged best she could as she was attempting to trade blows with the old woman, "Beats me."
Cologne hid it well, but she was genuinely impressed with the progress Ranma had made. Since yesterday, the speed they had been dueling at had roughly doubled, and she could feel the redhead gaining more with each passing moment. After looking around and finding no customers in the restaurant, Cologne broke off the contest herself as she hopped away onto a stool.
"So, I'm start'n to get the better of you, Old Ghoul," Ranma stated haughtily, making her a ripe target for a head caning.
"Impetuous, come with me out back where I have something to show you."
"It's about time," the pigtailed girl grinned, rubbing her hands together in anticipation, which got her another smack to the head.
"Get your mind out of the gutter, child!"
_______________________________________________________________ ___________________
"So we're roasting marshmallows?" inquired Ranma, a bit disheartened, "I was hoping for a strip tease." Cologne herself shuddered at that one, and put it past her.
"Here's a bag of sweet chestnuts," the old Amazon opened the bag and placed the nuts into the fire, "Now watch closely..."
Cologne focused on the fire for a few seconds, and then raised her hands into the air. Ranma watched in awe as the elder's hands became almost invisible as she reached into the fire, and after a split second, each hand held a handful of roasted nuts.
"That, Daughter-in-law, was the Chestnuts roasting on an open fire technique, if you can master this, taking the phoenix pill from me will be...."
"AKANE NO STICK GAME CARTRIDGE IN SHAMPOO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM!!!!"
Both Ranma and Cologne blinked, then turned to see an indecently clothed Akane Tendou race into the back, with a furious Shampoo chasing her with a look of righteous anger on her face. The redhead and the elder then watched the race around the corner into the side alley.
"RANMA, HELLLLLLP!!!!!" The raven-haired girl screamed as she kept her pace, and in effect, whatever organs, real or imagined by Shampoo, between her legs.
"Shampoo, what have I told you about attempted homicide on your wife?" Cologne hopped onto her staff and followed after the pair. Ranma turned back to the fire, determined.
"Well, if that old bat can do it...." she told herself as she dumped a bag of chestnuts into the fire.
"Shampoo no attempt, Shampoo try succeed!"
_____________________________________________________________ _____________________
"Too hot..." Ranma groaned as she held her hands as close as she dare to the fire.
"Well, you know what they say, Saotome, try and try again," Nabiki stated, avidly munching her popcorn as she watched the redhead's self-punition.
Akane walked into the yard, wearing a robe that was graciously loaned to her by Cologne, stating it was unbecoming for a wife of an Amazon to be running around almost naked like a hussy, "That didn't go as planned, Ranma-sama, what are you doing?"
"I'm never going to get this technique," whined Ranma, as she stuck her sore hands into the fishpond.
"Oh, how disgraced I am, my only son whining like a GIRRRORF!!!!" Genma proclaimed, before suddenly finding himself transformed, hog tied, and muzzled.
"I'll save you for later," promised the redhead as she yanked the end of the rope to make sure she had the giant raccoon secure.
"Having difficulty, are we, Daughter-in-law?" a wizened voice asked.
"Old Ghoul, what are you doing here?"
"Why, I came to see your progress in the Chestnut Fist," Cologne stated honestly.
"Hmph, the only progress Ranma's made is in scorching her fingers," Nabiki quipped, trying to add to the redhead's misery.
Cologne stepped up to the fire and set her cane down, "I shall only show you this once more, so pay attention..." the old Amazon's hands raced into the fire, snagging all the nuts, much to everyone but Ranma's surprise.
"That was amazing," Kasumi commented as she took the nuts from the old woman.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a few errands to run." With that, Cologne took off.
Ranma groaned in misery, a life of abstinence flashing before her eyes, "It's just not fair."
"You know what I do whenever I'm feeling blue?" asked Soun.
"Masturbate until you're numb?" Ranma asked curiously.
"Er, no. The fair, the FAIR I say! Get some squid on a stick, play a few..."
Ranma looked unamused at the rant that Mr. Tendou went into, "'Kane, wanna go to the movies tonight?"
The Tendou patriarch stopped his triad, then began to cry, "MY SON-IN-LAW DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME!"
"Don't worry Dad," Nabiki said as she patted her dad on the back to soothe him, "none of us do."
"Well, that makes everything better then," Soun stated, clearing the tears away instantly.
"Sure, Ranma-sama. Sounds great!"
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"I dunno, Ranma-sama, the plot just seems too derived. Carrera's acting seems so forced," Akane complained, fidgeting in her seat as they watched the wide screen.
"Yeah, I know what you mean, but the camera was done nicely, catching the views with an artistic panache."
"Well, they'd have to, seeing as how they've only done missionary and doggy-style positions through out the whole film."
Ranma conceded the point to her partner, but found herself watching the screen with a genuine smile.
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Ranma-sama" Akane thought as she watched the other girl, who seemed to be paying rapt attention to the screen. Because of that, Akane missed Ranma's hand until it was too late.
"HEY!" the raven-haired girl screamed, as the redhead's hand sneaked under her skirt, "We're going to get caught!"
" You seemed like you weren't enjoying the film, so I'll entertain you. Besides; you weren't too worried about that at the ice-cream parlor," idly commented Ranma, "or the Zoo for that matter, or the old folks home..."
"But, mmmm, but..." Akane's protests melted on her lips. Ranma was content on taking her time, but noticed one of the theater employee's flashlight heading towards them.
"Damn," mumbled Ranma as she started to retract her hand, "we better get out of here before we get caught."
Akane quickly caught the other girl's hand, "Oh no, Ranma-sama, you started this, now you finish it!"
"But they're heading right this... okay, we'll just have to do this fast, I guess." Ranma relented, before something clicked in her mind.
"Wait, if I can move fast enough in the seconds before they find us... could I possibly use the chestnut fist?" Ranma took a deep breath after inward contemplation, "Hold on tight Akane..."
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At the fair, a little boy cried because he couldn't win any goldfish. Oh well, shit happens.
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Aftertesting the technique on Akane in several public places, and various other women who were only aware of the sudden orgasm they experienced, the previous night, Ranma barged into the restaurant, "Okay, Old Ghoul, this is where I get that locket!"
"So I presumed you mastered the chestnut fist? Well if you think you can take it from me..." Cologne rushed out of the main room and towards the cellar door, Ranma-chan following close behind her. Suddenly the stairs turned into a slide that caught the redhead off-guard, and she slid down to the bottom to land on a thick shag carpet.
"Huh? What's this?" Ranma asked, then suddenly a dim light came on in the corner of the room. Her sight was greeted by several lovely women and some apparently shaven thirteen-year-old boys with tags tied to their arms stating 'Exported from Paraguay.' Ranma felt resolve weaken as she took a step towards the beautiful sight before her, but shook herself out of her stupor.
"You think this is damn funny?" growled Ranma as she turned away from the vision that was before her, "I STILL CAN'T EVEN GET OFF BECAUSE OF YOU!!!"
Cologne came out into the open, "Impressive, Daughter-in-law. And to think, even the fifth Emperor of the Zhou Dynasty could not have resisted the temptation that was presented before you," Cologne bounded off again, with Ranma giving chase. Ranma didn't notice the illusion disappear, the girls vanishing while the boys were being gathered up by a couple of men.
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Ranma held up the locket smugly as Cologne looked upon the redhead rather proud.
"Hmm, it looks like a candy drop..." replied Ranma as she popped the 'pill' into her mouth, just barely catching the confirmation that it was candy from the elder. Akane rushed to the save with a bucket of water, ignoring Shampoo's cries of not approaching the pervert that wants to stick something in another thing or rather.
"You'll pay for this, you old Ghoul..." Ranma promised sinisterly, her eyes flashing crimson for but a split second.