Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Ranma the Pimp Master ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ does not belong to me, nor does anything else that might end up in this dreck that bears no concern to continuity, character, or plot of the original Ranma ½ manga/television series. If you want something, Rumiko Takahashi, kick the ass of every writer who rapes your work and comes out smelling like roses to their peers and you will feel a greater reward than any monetary gain.

 

Special Note: This is a work of PARODY. If you don't know what it means, either google the definition or stop reading any further than this, either way you'll be taking it too seriously to enjoy it.

 

Content Warning: Strong language and sexual references, nothing serious, but the X rating is here for a reason, thank you.

 

 

Ranma the Pimp Master.

(Or...Ranma fucks the entire universe)

 

 

Dear Ranma-kun,

 

If you are reading this letter, it means something terrible has happened to your father and you're on your own. Fortunately, your father is a pig of a man who sold you off to many people like a five-yen whore so the agreement for you to become a man amongst men is still salvageable. All I want you to do is have sex with as many women—both arranged marriages and random women—as possible. In order to be a man amongst men, you must fuck all of the women into a deep, intense, multiple orgasm and ensure that you got them all pregnant, a real man like you has to have many, many heirs.

 

Of course, I assume that you know how to pleasure a woman, given that you probably ran into a Deus Ex Machina that has given you insight of the female anatomy—you are Ranma “Sex God” Saotome after all—should make this task a walk in the park. Also, don't worry about courting any of the girls to whom you are honor bound to, they will have no choice but to surrender their bodies to your virile form. And as for others you may nail along the way, your rugged good looks and heart of gold (a prerequisite for any town bicycle like you) should be more than enough to coax them to automatically spread their legs for you.

 

In closing, I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor and encourage you to drive your meat pole into as many willing female holes as possible—I don't care if they're already in established relationships or just aren't their type. You are Ranma “Hunka-hunka burnin' Love” Saotome! Those women will have no choice but to let you cream in their honey pots and let you leave them to fend for themselves with the child you'll undoubtedly burden them with! Get out there Ranma, become the greatest man-slut of our generation and then come home to Mommy.

 

Sincerely yours, Saotome Nodoka.

 

P.S. When you get back, I want a ride too.

 

 

 

With his mother's wishes in mind, Ranma set out into Japan in search of girls to lay. He didn't have a concern in the world, after all he was Ranma Saotome, the strongest, most skilled, and undoubtedly sexiest martial artist in the world. Nothing could stop him from achieving his goals and beating this challenge, he was as smooth and cunning as he was sexy, he could convince a Rabbi to join the Nazi party without breaking a sweat, getting into a girl—any girl's pants would be easy.

 

“Well here we are, next stop...G-Island.” He said as he stepped off the train. With all the grace of an Ekranoplan across the Caspian Sea, he moved across the platform and down the steps—nevermind the group of eight year olds he bowled over on the way. Back-length hair unbound and waving in the gentle breeze, rippling muscles barely hidden under the white t-shirt on his chest, and strong legs striding confidently while encased in black slacks, Ranma's riveting physique stopped traffic and made girls faint as he made his way down the street in search of his first conquest.

 

Finally, after three automobile accidents and a major air disaster, Ranma made it to the intersection and spotted...her.

 

Short, but beautifully toned, she wore a white and pink dress that stopped terribly high up on her thighs and white boots that went up to her knees. Her red hair with two tufts of hair that rose up like bunny-ears bounced as she balanced from the heels of her feet to the balls. She seemed lost, awaiting someone or something, and to Ranma it was a plaintive cry. Look at me, pay attention to me, woo me and then led me into that convenient alleyway for a firm, deep, hard, ramming until I pass out with a stupid-ass grin on my face.

 

It was all the beckon Ranma needed. With a solid leap across the street, he landed in front of the girl, momentarily startling her. Now that he had a closer look, he was even more impressed, she had such beautiful, innocent brown eyes that widened when she took on his eminence. “Oh...! You startled me!” She yelped.

 

“Sorry,” he replied sheepishly, “I guess I misjudged my own jumping ability there. I hate waiting to cross the street, so why go through when there's always over?”

 

The young woman looked beyond Ranma and went eyes-wide. “You jumped all that way? On your own? That's amazing!”

 

A smirk appeared on Ranma's lips as he began to work one of his hidden tricks he picked up after his father was crushed underneath an errant aerodrome and forced to live on his own for the previous two years. A technique he learned and then used in a village hidden in a forest to nail many a sexy female ninja, it allowed him to push an energy called chakra outward in invisible waves to mingle with the energies that others naturally generated on their own. With his power, he could redirect their internal energies any way he wanted, like oh say...if he wanted to direct this girl's clearly wandering energies towards...and let's be hypothetical here...lust...lust for him to be precise.

 

“Definitely a keeper,” He thought as he extended his chakra or whatever into the girl's space. However, his attempts at redirecting the flows of energy were ultimately blocked, and Ranma definitely noticed a small green glow that rose from her body when he attempted to press further.

 

“Excuse me, but your staring is making me uncomfortable.” The girl finally said after two minutes of attempted chakra hijacking.

 

Ranma broke eye contact with her and looked away. What was this girl? Why wasn't his Lust Chakra turning her into a horned-up piece of meat for him to have his every which way with?

 

“Heh, this is going to be a challenge...” Ranma thought before turning back to the girl. “I'm sorry about that, cute girls like you don't come along every day, you know.”

 

The mark blushed a bit at the praise. “That's very flattering. Um...”

 

“Ranma,” he said as he tried to lay on the charm a little bit, “What's your name?”

 

The girl, raising her eyebrow a bit, laughed nervously. “Mikoto.”

 

“Mikoto...so where are you off to?” He asked her.

 

“I'm waiting for...” At that moment, a motorcycle's buzz filled the air. Looking over, Mikoto's eyes brightened when she saw him. “Guy!”

 

Ranma looked back, and his eyes narrowed when he saw the competition roll up. “Damn...”

 

 

He rode up on a large, powerful police motorcycle, his long red hair blew behind him in the draft kicked up by the bike, and the midday sun shone much better off the silver and gold armor he wore than on Ranma's muscles any day—wait, armor? Blinking in surprise, Ranma watched as the armored man pulled to a stop in front of the small woman and waved to her. “Yo, Mikoto!”

 

Looking over to Mikoto, Ranma watched as she completely disregarded him and walked over to the bike. “You're early!”

 

“I decided to leave right away,” he said back to her, “Didn't want to keep you waiting for our date.”

 

Ranma blinked again. Date? These two were an item...damn...oh well there's more than one way to skin a cat. Smirking, he moved...so quickly he left a clean little after-image, aiming for a pressure point between Mikoto's legs. The inside of her right thigh just near their junction, if he hit it, she'd be a babbling pool of near-orgasmic goodness ready for his meat-stick.

 

“...!”

 

His hand was stopped, grabbed at the wrist by the man Mikoto addressed as Guy. Looking up, Ranma gulped when he saw the friendly—almost weak—expression was replaced by a righteous anger that erupted through his green eyes and burned into Ranma's dark brown. Raising the martial artist's hand, Guy let him have it back, almost throwing it to the side.

 

“You're fast, even for a pervert.” He said. “Don't do it again.”

 

Ranma, recoiling, suddenly smirked at Guy. “So, think you're tough huh? I'll admit you caught me off-guard before, but you're dealing with the best of the best.”

 

Mikoto, backing away and tugging down her skirt modestly, shook her head. “Guy! Don't hurt him!”

 

Don't hurt him? This girl was as ignorant as her tin-can stud, Ranma Saotome was the greatest martial artist in the world, he took on a whole village of Chinese Amazon (and sexed up all the hot women there) and then after that jumped into another dimension where he defeated one of Ninja (and nailed all the babes there too)! And then there was when he transported himself 30 years into the future to do battle with a cyborg goddess (whom he then plowed into next week), and then back in time almost 500 years to defeat a half-demon, his stiff upper-lip brother and then nail another time-jumping girl as well as her sexy boomerang wielding friend. Then there was the return trip, and another dimension side-step to the Juuban District where he single-handedly wiped out a horde of Earth-threatening demons and saved a bunch of Princesses who quickly made him their king and themselves his concubines after he screwed them all into a bisexual orgy. But I digress, Ranma is the greatest in the world! There's no way he could lose to a weird guy with a metal fetish! He'd have this guy tied up in knots and his girl up against the wall and filled with ten inches of Wild Horse cock.

 

“Don't hurt me?” He laughed. “Golden boy you're the one who's going to be scrap.”

 

Guy smirked, and cracked his cybernetic knuckles. “The fight begins here and now, then!”

 

Ranma was a blur on go, swinging his foot around to smash Guy's face in. However, all his foot went through was a gold blur and Guy's fist went into his gut. The wind knocked out of him, Ranma doubled over as his feet left the ground and he began to accelerate backwards and towards the street. By the time he realized what was going on, he was in mid-air over the middle of the street and in the path of a cargo-truck.

 

Both Guy and Mikoto winced as Ranma bounced off the front of the truck, went over it, and was then hit by a passenger bus going the other way to send Ranma spinning into a pedestrian causeway over the road. The perfect Ranma-shaped imprint remained in the concrete as he fell down to the street below and laid there groaning.

 

And that was it, Guy Shishio in defense of his woman schooled some misogynist man-bitch and left him and his pride shattered in the middle of a busy street. The paramedics arrived and took the unconscious former best-of-the-best martial artist in the world to a hospital. Assured that the hapless idiot was going to be okay, Guy and Mikoto continued on their way, climbing onto the motorcycle and going out on their date.

 

 

To be continued? Bah, hell if I know.