Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Wild Kaitou ❯ No tower too high, no bay to deep. ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Wild Kaitou


A Ranma 1/2 / Mouse fusion idea that led to this alternate universe


By Lord Raa


Disclaim-me-do: You fascists always pick on us drunks.



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Episode one: No tower too high, no bay to deep.


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'I'm going to make it,' I say to myself as I crawl along the staff room floor.

"Late again, Saotome-sensei?" a tall brunette asked standing over me.

'Crap! It's Kasumi.' "I - I have a good reason, honest," I reply. I sound so pathetic, it almost hurts me.

"Really, Mr Saotome, you are a teacher here. You should be setting an example to the students. I can't believe that your time keeping skills are so poor," another teacher berates me as she approaches.

"But I hardly got any sleep last night." 'No thanks to you, Nabiki.'

I can hear a third voice. "What again? This is quite shocking. I don't know why the board still keeps you employed here." It's that tomboy, Akane Kamiya.

I look out of the corner of my eye and see my 'fan club'. There's this tomboy, Ranko Tendo; the blonde ditz, Azusa Shiratori and the true looker of the trio, Ukyo Kuonji. I can't believe her parents gave her a boy's name.

No doubt they all think I'm being bullied by these three. Heh, if they only knew the truth.

Well, it's time to go to work. I'm teaching self defence this morning. Hopefully the class won't try anything stupid. I am not holding my breath.


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I trudge home after a long hard day at the office. My own class of art history made the afternoon interesting, but I just don't care for Van Gogh's 'Sunflowers', I see better artwork in comic books all the time.

My danger sense flares. Has Akane been in the kitchen? A quick sniff of the air tells me no. But that only means that the danger is from another quarter.

I open the door, thanking and cursing the security measures that Nabiki installed, they're a pain, but they keep my apartment safe. I'm glad she's on my team.

"Master!" I hear from three sides as Kasumi, Nabiki and Akane glomp me.

If there is such a thing as a good way to be suffocated, then I think I have found it. Kasumi's welcoming bosom on my left, Nabiki's firm breasts on my right and Akane is now gyrating her firm, pert behind in my face.

Good job they're wearing bras or I'd be in danger of having my eyes poked out by erect nipples. I wonder how they'd write that report up that one at the A&E?(1)

"Master Ranma, we're sorry that we were mean to you earlier." Nabiki always believed in clearing debts.

I try to explain that they don't need to be punished for actions earlier, but they are quite insistent.

"But, master Ranma, we kept you up last night, and now we had to humiliate you in the staff room." At home, Akane was able to show her true self. I always liked her meek cuteness. "I know that we have to maintain the cover, but I feel bad about shouting at you. I need to be punished."

She's waving that cute ass of hers around again. If she gets any closer, I'll be inhaling cotton.

The other two also vie for my affection, buffeting me from side to side. And they'll keep doing this all night if I don't punish them in some way.

The one part of my life I could really do without is seeing them hurt, I care deeply for them all.

"Please master, allow us to make it up to you." Nabiki's smart enough to know just what buttons to press, I like that about her. I also like the housing for the brilliant brain.

Oops, I'm drifting of into naughty thought land. Oh, so that's why - I'm being dragged off to the bathroom; Nabiki and Kasumi will probably try to wash my body with their breasts.

I know that you probably hate me right now, but let me tell you that it's either that or hurt them in some way. I can't do that; they're all that I've got.


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I cycle through the channels on the TV, when I see the pompous ass that is Detective Tatewaki Kuno at a press conference.


*You fools! You're not supposed to show him in a positive light, he's a filthy criminal! The Wild Horse is not a hero - he takes things that belong to others.*

"He is so up himself," Akane comments. "I know the sort. He'd probably make some sort of decree over 'the right to date someone' at school."

We see Kuno sneeze live on national television.

"He seems polite enough, but he's a few chapters short of a book." Kasumi will always hold a place for manners in her heart. She taught me a lot.

Nabiki mentions that while he might be useful at some point, we would be better off with him out of the picture permanently.

"No, Nabiki. I'm not that kind of guy. Though it would be tempting to give him a good beating."

*If he's such a great thief, that he can steal anything, then I dare him to steal the flagpole from the top of the Tokyo tower. In front of everybody the day after tomorrow at noon!*

I roll my eyes at such a blatant attempt to trap me. "There's no reason for me to steal that flagpole. But I can't allow him to tarnish the good name of Wild Horse. I'll do it."

I hear three 'yays' as my lovely assistants know that I will need their help.

"Any ideas on how to humiliate him? I mean pull off the job?" I ask them. I am already formulating a plan, but if they have an idea, I'll probably go with it and use mine as a back up. Hey, I came up with the last three.


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I look over the brainstormed ideas on the whiteboard. "The airspace above will probably be restricted, that removes helicopters and airships. Though I doubt that we could get one to move fast enough to evade Kuno. Plus he might be stupid enough to shoot at us."

Believe me, bullets hurt.

"There's the human fly option, but again, I'll have to evade the police. Hmm, I think that we will have to use a decoy."

"Master Ranma," it seems that Akane has an idea. "For the decoy, how about a minor incident in another part of the city? It would have to be big so that they would have to call in officers from all over the city."

Nabiki chimed in with a valid point. "But the thing is how do we make it seem that it's not just a diversion? The police are already going to be on alert."

"I don't want to do anything too dangerous or destructive. I wonder what pops would have done?" I click my fingers as I remember some of my father's old martial arts scrolls.

The girls look at me strangely for a moment, and then they see the look in my eye.

"Oh, I knew you were clever Master Ranma," Akane showers me with praise. She also sees herself as something of a martial artist. The lure of learning a new technique is powerful.

I decide against pandering to my own ego for once, and head out to the library.


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Now my father was not the most honourable of men. He was a thief and a liar. I get the feeling that if my mother had not been around, I'd have been sold off.

In some respects, I am no better.

After all, I am the legendary Wild Horse - kaitou extraordinaire. I've lifted works of art from museums, jewels from bank vaults and I defraud the government on my tax returns.

In other respects, I am better.

I am a far better thief then he was - it's getting harder and harder to steal these objects with the advances in security this new century has seen.

But when there was no gadgetry, my father's work required much more cunning on his part. Cunning that makes me proud to be his son, and sad that he's no longer with us.

In other words, he was a devious fucker.

According to this scroll, he managed to develop a technique that would make you invisible to human senses.

If I can master this, I'll get Nabiki to test it on camera - both the regular and infrared models.

I don't want to rely on it against dogs though. Humans leave too much of a scent trail.


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Well, this technique is a winner. I can't quite make out the name on the scroll, as my father had poor calligraphy skills. I don't think he was the scholarly sort, not stupid, just not inclined to try at the academic pursuits.

I can turn myself invisible at will, now all I need is a name for the manoeuvre. Hopefully something cool sounding, not what I was able to read from the scroll. Something about shooting cloth stars? Bah!

I invoke the "cloak" and stalk through the house, checking to see if my senses are any different in this strange state.

Ah, Kasumi is cooking again. Ooh, it's a batch of assorted savoury snacks. They still smell just as delicious when I'm like this.

I think that I'll wait for her to put the knife away before I goose her.

"EEEKKK!"

I drop into view in front of her.

"Hello Kasumi."

"Master Ranma, when did you get here? I didn't hear you." Kasumi was understandably confused.

"I pulled it off. I can turn invisible at will. Look."

Again, I disappear from view. Sneaking around behind her, I undo the strings on her apron.

It's part of the testing phase, you understand. I have to see if I can manipulate objects, of if I am just a bystander.

The fact that I am undressing Kasumi is no cause for concern.

Honest.

Nabiki walks into the kitchen for a drink and see Kasumi's apron moving by itself.

"How is that moving?"

"It's me," I reply. Moving up to Nabiki, I brush past her hair.

"I felt that," she says.

"Good," I whisper.

Dropping into view again, I bow to my assistants. "What do you think? Can I pass for the invisible man?"

Nabiki nods, Kasumi smiles.

I ask them if they have any ideas what to call it.

"Stalk of the chameleon," is Nabiki's suggestion.

"Chameleons are able to blend into their surroundings," I consider her suggestion. "Nabiki, can we set up a camera test soon? The scroll said invisible to the naked eye, but this plan will be for naught if the TV crews can see me."

Nabiki nods. Getting a drink, she asks me when do we want to do the test.

I tell her as soon as possible because if it doesn't work, then it's back to the drawing board.

Akane comes in looking for me, it seems that it's time for practice. I fade from view and outline my lesson plan to her.

"Akane, we will be trying to improve your speed and reflexes today. Also I want to try out this new 'stalk of the chameleon' in a physical situation."

"Where are you Master Ranma? I can't see you."

She's getting a little concerned that this is a practical joke. I don't like playing them on Akane; she was tormented a lot before I met her.

I appear less than ten centimetres in front of her nose. "Peek a boo!"

"You did it!" She hugs me tightly, making the others a teensy bit jealous.

"But of course! Hey Nabiki, let's kill two birds with one stone - get the cameras ready in the dojo."

"I'll get right on it, Master Ranma."


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Well here we are it's 10.45 on the day I'm supposed to be caught by Kuno. I mean steal the flagpole from the Tokyo tower. His tenacity is astounding, in the three years I've been operating in Japan, he's caught nothing more than a glimpse of my masked face.

I don't plan on changing that today.

Nabiki looked at the schematics of the tower, it seems that I need to cut through 25 centimetres of steel to free the pole. Joy. That's going to take some time, effort and some serious slight of hand to avoid capture.

Luckily, I've been able to stash some of my equipment there already. Those rocket motors were heavy lifting, but that's the price one pays for genius.

I'm posing as a tourist, but the police have been clever and closed down the tower today.

Ah well, it's time to start the climb up the tower. I figure on 20 minutes to get the top, 30 to 40 minutes to cut through the steel, and 10 to 15 minutes to mount and fire the rockets.

It's going to be close.

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I start to cut into the pole with a circular saw so it will lean towards Tokyo bay. It's not taking as long as I thought it would, Nabiki has fixed me up with a nice tool here.

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It's time to go.

Kasumi has set off the smoke launchers on a nearby building, obscuring me form view with a thick red smoke.

She is now coming in with the remotely controlled airship. That should let us see if they're trigger-happy today.

That attachment looks too crude to be my handiwork, but you have to account for the stupidity of Kuno.

She's moving it in, and Bang, Kuno jumps at the chance to bag me.

It's too bad that he just shot at an unmanned blimp.

We didn't like the colour anyway. I radio Kasumi to tell her land it as far away from the bay as she can.


I lean on the pole to bend it towards the bay. I can feel that the wind is picking up and clearing the smoke.

The shaped charge is set, the rockets primed and I'm ready to launch. I am about to do something incredibly dangerous.

I'm going to pilot the rocket.

I'm not afraid of death, it could happen at any time. But all things considered, I'd rather not die, as it would leave the girls all alone.

That's what the parachute is for.

I check my watch as I sit atop the pole, "Three, two, one. Showtime!"


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I involuntarily open my mouth on contact with the water, it seems that I should have brought breathing apparatus with me. Oh well, I'll make a note of that for the next time I pilot an improvised rocket into the sea.


But it's time to surface. I gasp for air, and wave to Nabiki and Akane on the boat.

Akane readies the boat to leave while Nabiki pilots the remote vehicle back to the boat with its booty.

Swimming to the boat, it occurs to me that the boat might not be fast enough to get us to international waters before the coast guard mobilise.

But I shall cross that bridge when I get to it. 200 metres to the boat, but Akane is looking scared, I think she wants to pick me up.

I put on a burst of speed to shrug off her concerns, but I'm getting tired. My arms are getting heavy; I should put more effort into my workouts to improve my endurance.

I'm sure the girls will approve.

After what seems like the whole morning, I reach our boat. Akane pulls me aboard. Panting, I thank her. "Nabiki are we ready to go?"

"Just another minute to get it stowed, and we can be on our way."

Akane hands me a towel with a smile. "I'm glad you made it back in one piece, Master."

"So am I. Akane, I believe the phrase is 'Tank!'." (2)

"Yes Master." Akane gives me that cute smile of hers, the one that always warms my heart.

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On the journey to Osaka, Nabiki and Akane ask it is possible for them to learn the invisibility trick.

"I'll teach it to all of you on one condition: - that you only use it when we're on the job or in a life or death situation," I tell them. It might seem harsh, but I don't want them sneaking into my room or the like.

Hey, I value my privacy.

They agree. I can see Akane's eyes light up at the chance to learn this new technique.

It's these little things that give me this feeling inside. A feeling that I might have found the girl I'd marry if things were just a little different.


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To be continued.



(1) A&E - Accident and Emergency. Or, if you prefer, the ER.


(2) Hint, it's from an opening theme.


Thanks go out to my pre-readers, Taxzombie and Chi Vayne.


Author's notage:


Well, here we are with the first part of Wild Kaitou. There will be more obscure references to confuse my foreign readers, along with my bizarre language patterns and writing style.


Questions, comments, criticism, offers of sexual favours from attractive young women, etc maybe left in your usual manner.

Email is (lordraa) @ (digitalpimp) (.co.uk)

Or (lordraa) @ (hotmail) (.com)

Be warned, it may take me a while to get back to you if you use the digitalpimp address.