Romance Fan Fiction / Original Stories Fan Fiction / Other Fan Fiction ❯ Sukuru Deizu ❯ Chapter Forty Seven ( Chapter 47 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Reisha squeezed her hand. "You can't keep it from him, Anna. He's smart he'll figure out. This is too big of a decision for you to decide on your own," she told her. "If you want an...abortion, then talk to Jun. If you end up keeping the child, you know that regardless of whether you want it Jun will spoil it to no end. It's not the end of the world, Anna. You can do whatever you want."

Anna pulled her hand from her and narrowed her eyes. "You don't understand. It is then end of my world," she said harshly. She got dressed and walked out. Pulling her phone out she called for a cab and met it out front, leaving Reisha in the office.

The cab drove her back to Jun's work. She sat in the back seat watching the meter go up while trying to decide what she would do. Looking down at the pills again, she started to cry again. She threw them in her purse and set back in the seat. The driver didn't say a word while they sat there.

Jun went downstairs. His face was unreadable as he went up to the cab. He knocked on the window and handed the man some money before going to Anna's door and opening it for her. "Come on. Let's go inside," he told her.

Anna looked at him. She took his hand as he helped her out of the car. His expression was completely spaced. She had no idea what was running through his mind or if he had any idea what was going through hers. Did Reisha call him? Why would she do that? She followed him to the building doors and he held them open for her. They got in the elevator. Not one word was said as they walked to his office.

Jun shot the office door behind him and walked over to his desk. He didn't say a word as he clicked away on his computer. It was dead silent for five minutes before he finally turned back to her. Looking at her, it was hard to tell what was going on her head. Even he didn't know what to think. "Your doctor called me a few minutes ago," he told her. "He wanted me to talk you out of having an abortion. It took me a whole five minutes to realize what he was talking about seeing as how my wife never told me."

Anna turned her head from him. She just could see him like this...so disappointed in her. She didn't really know what to say. Her skin felt hot at being the center of his eyes. Her heart raced and the nausea was only getting worse. She couldn't keep her tears at bay even though she didn't make one sound. Her doctor told him...whatever happened to doctor patient confidentiality?

He saw the tears fall from her eyes, but it was hard for him to want to comfort her right now. He just couldn't believe this. Why now of all times. Turning to his computer, he started typing something else. His hands were a blur on the keyboard. He had to focus on something else...something other than the fact that his wife was pregnant. Turning back to her, he started to say something but nothing came out.

Finally he pushed at the keyboard. Walking over to her, he wrapped his arms around her, letting his forehead press against hers. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Anna shook in his arms, not of fear but of confusion and lightheartedness. She shook her head. "This isn't...we didn't want this...I needed time to think....time to decided what to do..." she said in broken pieces. She pushed him harshly and dashed for the waste basket. In the matter of seconds, she emptied everything she ate for the day while on her knees and trying to hold her hair back.

Jun sighed. Watching her throw up, his hardened expression softened lightly. He took her hair, and held it as he lovingly stroked her back. He felt strangely...hollow after hearing that she was pregnant. The reality of it hadn't quite sunk in yet. He couldn't believe that something like this would happen now of all times. Of course with the way their lives had been, if it could happen to anyone it was going to happen to them.

Anna reached up to Jun's desk and grabbed a napkin. She wiped her mouth and sat back on her knees while taking deep breaths. The morning sickness was something she was never going to get use to. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out some mints and pushed them in her mouth. She had decided to keep them there earlier in the week because she was always throwing up. Her heart sank as she felt Jun's hand on her back still rubbing up and down. She knew in her heart that she could never get the abortion. This was Jun's child. Anything of his was precious to her. Even if she wasn't ready to be a mother, she was ready to spend her life with Jun and that meant spending her life with things that were part of Jun and this baby was a great deal of him. No matter how she looked at it, there was no way she would be able to give it up and be ok with it. The doctor was right, she would regret it.

Once she was through, Jun knelt beside her. "What...what do you want to do?" She was the one carrying the child. His child. He would let her decide. Neither one of them was ready for a child. They were just kids themselves. He just didn't see.... He closed his eyes so that she wouldn't see the uncertainty in them.

Anna hands went to her stomach. She looked down at it and let her tears fall on her hands. "It's part of you, Jun...it would be like killing part of who you are...I can't get an abortion," she said slowly. "And I can't let someone else raise something that you created. It's...like a gift from you that you didn't mean to give. But..." she closed her eyes, focusing on the cold tears kissing her cheeks, "I'll cherish it as if you meant for it to belong to me."

Jun let his breath out in a hiss. What was he suppose to say to that? It wasn't a gift. Just because it was a part of him didn't mean that it was wonderful. "You don't have to keep it just because it's my child," he told her. "It's a part of you too. If you don't feel like you want to carry it for nine months, if you don't feel like you want to raise it...it's your decision."

Anna stood on shaky legs. She grabbed her purse off the floor and walked out of the office, leaving him to think about what he just said. Slowly, she made her way out of the building, taking the stairs instead of the elevator. It was like he was telling her not to keep it. Only moments ago he was made because she didn't say anything yet what would it have changed if he didn't know? He obviously didn't want it. And maybe she didn't either...but she couldn't just let it go. Not with knowing that it was Jun's child, her child. Maybe she was young...but she was a young bride. Maybe she didn't know what she was getting into...but she could manage. She always did.

Anna walked out onto the parking lot and got in the limo. She just told him to drive. She had no place to go, but she couldn't be with Jun. Not at the moment. She needed time to think.

Jun watched as she left. Then he did something uncharacteristic of himself. He began to curse and slammed his fist into his desk. Allowing himself to be consumed by his own feelings of uncertainty, regret, and anger he was momentarily blinded as he let all these emotions wash over him. He didn't know what to do. How in the hell could he be a father? He was at the office at all times of the day. Anna would have to stay at home to take care of the child.... Their lives, hell, what lives would they have?

He would give her the world, yet this was the one thing he didn't want to give her. Not now. Not yet. Grabbing his coat he walked out of the office. "Send it to my laptop," he muttered as one of the girls tried to hand him some papers. He needed some fresh air. Getting into his car, he turned on the music full blast. He didn't care what was on so long as he didn't have to think. He peeled out of the parking lot and hit the road as fast as he could.

"Wait...please. Stop the limo," Anna said and the driver stopped. She got out of the car and looked up the grave sites. Taking the same steps she took so many months ago, she followed the path until she found Jun's parent's sites. She got to her knees and bowed in respect. "I...don't know where to start..." she whispered. "I guess I just need some wisdom. Though I'm sure Mr. Higarashi has a fond dislike of me...I think...Mrs. Higarashi...she...she would have something to say about everything going on...about the baby."

Jun took a corner, his tires screeching. His windows were vibrating to the beat of the music. Closing his eyes, he kept driving on the straight road. "Damn it!" he yelled at the top of his lungs as he eased his foot off of the pedal. Leaning his head against the back of his seat, he cursed again. What kind of father would he be? As much as he hated to admit it, he was on the fast track to becoming his father. He spent all his time at work. He couldn't raise a kid. He couldn't be a father. He just couldn't.

Anna talked to the graves until the temperature dropped with the setting sun. She said a small prayer and walked back down to the limo. Once in she asked the driver to take her to Raisha's. She wouldn't be going home tonight, at least not the place that she had lately called home.

The drive was silent and when they pulled up to Reisha's house, she asked the driver to leave. She would no longer need him. She knocked on the door slowly and when Reisha opened the door, she was surprised that she didn't seem mad. Instead, she let Anna in. Anna sat on the couch and explained what had happened after she left the doctor. She apologized for behind so cold and then she explained about how Jun made it clear that he didn't want the baby and despite at how much she knew it would change things and how she felt at first...she wanted to keep it. The time she spent praying and talking at Jun's parent's graves made her realize that if Jun's mother was alive, she knew that she would want Anna to keep it. Even if Jun didn't want to be part of it.

Reisha just listened while making them something to drink. She handed Anna a cup of hot cocoa as they curled up in her room. "I'm sure Jun will come around," she told her as she blew the steam from her cup. "You weren't exactly thrilled with the news when you first realized what...well, when you realized you were pregnant."

"Yes...I know...but it didn't really settle in until I was in the office with Jun. He was rubbing my back and I just knew I couldn't go through with not having it. If I did, I would regret it and later resent Jun for letting me do it," she said slowly. She looked down at her cup and ran her thumb over the rim of it. "I think this could tear us apart. Even if he does come around and decides that it's ok, he's never home. I would be doing this all on my own. My school will have to be put off and I'll be one of those stay at home moms I never wanted to be." She then smiled as she watched the chocolate swirl in her cup. "But then I think about home much I could learn from raising a child. All the things I will never be able to learn in school or with Jun...those things are priceless." She shrugged and her smiled faded. "If Jun doesn't want to keep it...I don't think we can be together...I can't take this child's life. I can't be a murderer, not after what I went through. And I won't be able to give it up for adoption after carrying it and feeling it grow inside me."

Reisha smiled. Reaching out she rubbed Anna's belly. "You're going to make a great mom," she told her.

A few hours later Jun sent Anna a text asking where she was. He'd gotten home expecting her to be there but the lights were off and she was nowhere to be found. He figured he'd send her a text to find out where she was before he went into worry mode and called the cops.

Anna looked at her phone and flipped it open. "It's Jun. He wants to know where I am." She looked at Reisha. "This is the first time I've been without him since I got kidnapped. Who knew it would take a baby to get over my fear of being without him...now I have whole other set of fears," she said with a light laugh. She sent him a text back saying she was with Reisha and she wasn't coming home.

Jun looked at the text. Shaking his head he sent her a reply telling her to be safe and that he loved her. Closing his phone, he sent it on the table and walked to the kitchen. He pulled out a bottle of sake. He'd never really been a drinker, but tonight seemed like a good as night as any to divulge himself. Pouring himself a cup, he looked at his phantom reflection in the glass. "Cheers," he whispered as he took a sip.

Anna and Reisha stayed up talking all night. When they finally did go to sleep, Anna slept nex to Reisha with her hand lightly touching her unborn child. Despite everything that had happened, she slept easy and had no dreams.

Jun called out of work the next day. Another uncharacteristic thing for him to do. He left Anna a note. It didn't say much, only four words in all: I love you -Jun. It was a school day, and despite everything he went there. He knew why too. He went to his retreat. Whenever things got bad or he felt like he was losing control, there was always one place he could go to calm his mind. Sitting in the empty kendo hall, he bowed to no one in particular. Closing his eyes, he slowly drew his sword. The sword he had used to hurt Eric with. The sword he had saved Anna with.

Holding the blade in front of him, he took a deep breath as he started his motions.

Anna didn't go home, instead she got up with Reisha and went with her to school. Reisha let her borrow one of her extra school uniforms. She went through the day like normal even though she had different classes than Reisha. She only had about eight months to study and do her best. In those eight months, she told herself she would work hard and do everything she could to finish what she started. Doing so would give her no free time, however, it wasn't like she had anyone to spend it with. Jun was always at the office anyways.

Jun took a shower. He hadn't bothered to bring any clothes with him, so he just changed back into the clothes he had been wearing. Putting his sword in its case, he draped his towel over his shoulders. As he was walking through the halls, he groaned when he realized it was lunch time. People were staring just like they always did. A few of the girls still giggled and started to call out to him, asking him what he was doing back at school. Even now he couldn't avoid them.

Anna walked to lunch with a hand full of books she sat them down on the table where Reisha was. "I'll have to work through lunch to get back on my schedule, but with dedication I'll be able to go pass my expectations," she said smiling as she sat and started to open a book. She reached over to Reisha's lunch and took a bite. "But...I shouldn't skip meals since I have to think of someone else now."

The girls began to leave the lunchroom to go see Jun. They were curious what he'd been up to since he left. He tried his best to just ignore them, but they were even more persistent than the reporters.

Reisha laughed and watched as all the girls began to leave. "Huh, haven't seen them this horny since Jun left," she laughed.

Anna looked up from her books and from chewing. She watched the girls then shrugged and got back to work. "Maybe they finally found something else to waste their time on."

"Jun's here!" One of the girls all but moaned as he pushed his way past them. He was trying to get out to his car. This was just getting ridiculous. Ducking past them, he moved to the lunchroom. Reisha might be able to get them off his back. Pushing open the door to the room he spotted her first, his smile fading as he saw Anna there beside her.

The change in his attitude was almost chilling. Whereas the girls had been teasing and poking at him earlier, now they all stood back and just watched as he walked over to them. It wasn't that he was being mean or cold, it was just as if he shut off all his emotions. A defense mechanism for moments like this. "Hello Anna," he said. "I didn't know that you'd be here today. I wish you would've let me know so I wouldn't be worrying about you when I got home."

Anna looked up at him. Why did he always have to give her that emotionless look? She's his wife. She deserved something other than nothing. If he was going to look emotionless then she would do the same. "I figured you were going into work. I know how you don't like getting disturbed while there so I didn't think it was a big deal." She stood and grabbed her large amount of books. "I have to go. It's a lot quieter in the school's library. Not so many girls," she said and started out.

Reisha looked at him and rolled her eyes. She motioned for him to follow after her.

Jun sighed and went to the library with Anna. "That's bull," he muttered softly. "When have you ever bothered me at work? I didn't even know that you wanted to come back to school right now...."

Anna set her books down. "That's because I've always been at work with you. Helping. Obviously it's not needed since I don't do anything but sit at a desk. I mind as well get something done so I can have a future for my child." She turned to him. "You know, the one that you helped put in my stomach?"

Jun tensed. "It's not exactly as if I planned for that to happen," he told her. "If I remember correctly that was the time I told you to wait because I didn't want to open up your stitches."

Anna glared at him. "It takes two to have sex, Jun!" she yelled. "If you don't want it, then that's fine. But don't come in here making it seem like it's all my fault!"

"I wasn't!" Jun snapped. "I was just saying don't make this out to be all my fault either." Setting his bag down on the table he looked at her. "Listen I didn't come here to fight, I came here to well...well, I came here to get my mind off of this." Shaking his head, he ran his fingers through his hair.

"It's not that I don't want the child, Anna. We messed up by not being careful. I'm not going to make this child pay for our mistakes. If you want to keep it, that's fine. We'll raise it to the best of our abilities. I'm just really freaking scared of all this."

Anna's hand fisted. She wanted to hit him so bad. She had never wanted to do that and she wanted to blame it on the hormones, but she knew that it was all her. She wanted to punch him just as bad as she did the day she punched his father.

"I never said this was your fault and I don't consider this a fuck up!" She grabbed her books again. "God! What mistakes are you talking about? The one where you agreed to take my clothes off and have sex with me or the one where you decided to marry the crazy woman that just so happened to be pregnant?! Because honestly, I don't count anything we ever did or ever will do a mistake!" She started for the door. "You're a jerk, Jun! And I don't need you! And neither does this child!" She said as she cried and walked out.

So what if he was scared? What the hell did he call her then? Calm? Because she wasn't! She was anything but. She knew she would end up having to do everything on her own because of Jun's work. The only one raising the child would be her. And she didn't consider creating a living being a mistake. She considered it a blessing. She was upsetting herself...and the nausea was getting to her. She stopped and dropped her books as she walked out of the school and dashed to some bushes to throw up. It was unfair that she had to go through all of this and Jun could do whatever he wanted. In her mind, he was a jerk just a plan evil ass jerk.