Romance Fan Fiction / Other Fan Fiction ❯ Stars Above - A Cassunzel Fanfic ❯ Chapter 4: The Lost Lagoon ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Cassandra sighed as she rested her head on her knees. She watched as the moon shone on the beautiful lake and made it appear almost surreal. It would never cease to amaze her the beauty that this lake carried while it has been hidden from the world. Much like herself. She found herself connected to the lake and coming here, always helped clear her mind. But this time, her dissent thoughts seemed to be getting louder and most definitely they weren’t gonna go away anytime soon.

Earlier in the day, Rapunzel and Cassandra took the ride she promised. Cassandra missed riding and racing with her. After they returned, Rapunzel was immediately pulled away for some ‘princess duty’ and Cassandra found herself alone. The people in the street of Corona looked at her like she was some monster. She needed to get out of there. So she went to the only place that brought her peace. The Lost Lagoon that she and Rapunzel found all those years ago.

On her 4 year journey of finding who she was, or who she wanted to be, the degrading thoughts seemed to slowly start to fade. Day by day, they got quieter until they were no more. But now that she was back in Corona, they were coming back full force and if Cassandra was being honest, she didn’t know how to deal with them.

Even though the child-looking demon was dead, she could still hear her clear in her head. After all, she was with the demon for a year. A year of pain and lies and constant, constant, insults and degrading comments that made all her insecurities come to life. Why wouldn’t she still hear her? The demon got into her head and clearly, she never left.

While Cassandra wanted to believe the demon somehow transferred herself into Cassandra’s brain, she knew it was her own insecurities and guilt that were speaking to her. Her own conscience. Her own voice. She slowly started to believe over time that it WASN’T Zhan Tiri’s voice, it was her own. The evil, moonstone side of her that she thought she pushed away. But the evil version of her always came back and haunted her. It was like that there was someone else entirely talking to her. And that scared her because she was starting to lose touch on reality.

No matter what she did or tried to get rid of these thoughts, the louder they got. So much to the point where everything she did, she second-guessed and the voices were all she could hear. It made her hear things in the real world too. Or the world her mind created for herself. Whenever she was happy, her mind turned against her and made her believe that her friends, her family, were out to get her. She pushed them down and down, but they always came back full force. The voice was of someone else; as if there was somewhere else in her mind, always reminding her that she would never be good enough. So much that she actually gave the voice a name. Moon. Moon wasn’t just in her head, she saw Moon in the real world. Always following her. Always ready to knock her down.

She was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the soft crunching of leaves behind her. She was ready to draw her sword but then realized that only one other person knew of this place; Rapunzel.

“I knew I’d find you here,” She heard the familiar voice behind her. Cassandra stayed silent. Rapunzel took that as a sign to position herself next to her. A couple awkward seconds passed before Rapunzel spoke. “You okay?”

No.

“Yeah.”

She wanted to tell Rapunzel about Moon, after promising her she would never hide her feelings from her ever again, but how could she? What would Rapunzel think if she realized that Cassandra still had such evil thoughts? That her moonstone self was still a part of her?

“She would hate you. Throw you in jail. Or better yet, hanged. She would be scared of you and tell everyone how pathetic you really are.” Right on cue, Moon appeared beside her with that smirk she always wore. That smirk that she hated so much and pissed her off to no end.

“Shut up.” Cassandra said quietly and hugged her knees closer to her.

Rapunzel looked at her with a confused look. “I didn’t say anything?”

Cassandra mentally cursed herself while Moon cackled and disappeared. She knew she would be back. Without looking at the princess, Cassandra asked: “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be partying with the others?” Turning slightly towards her, she could see the brief hurt that flashed across her face. Cassandra even slightly winced at how venomous that sounded.

“I was worried about you..” She heard Rapunzel respond and her heart clenched at how hurt she sounded. Even now, she was still hurting the princess.. She was always hurting her.

“And you will never stop,” She heard the smug voice whisper into her ear. “Not until you are nothing but a memory.”

She ignored Moon and turned fully to Rapunzel, taking a deep breath, she started; “Sorry Raps, I’m just a little.. overwhelmed.”

Rapunzel looked back up towards her and gave her a supportive smile. “That’s okay!” She said a little too enthusiastically. Leave it to Rapunzel to change her mood around. “Mind if I stay here with you? I’m a little overwhelmed myself.” Rapunzel suddenly looked a bit panicked and stated, “U-Unless you want to be alone?” She knew Rapunzel was trying to understand how she was feeling and she knew that the woman was trying to validate her feelings. She was trying to make an effort to help her; knowing she wasn’t herself at the moment. She loved her for that. Why couldn’t she make an effort too?

“Because you’re a burden.”

She cleared her throat and responded. “No, you can stay. I uh.. could use the company.” She forced a lopsided smile. Rapunzel smiled sweetly. Rapunzel knew her well and she knew that was Cassandra’s way of saying she didn’t want to be alone and the fact that she was showing her vulnerable side to her and was starting to trust her more, meant a lot.

“Okay.” Rapunzel stated simply. Another couple seconds went by before Rapunzel spoke. “So.. what’s it like being back in Corona?”

Suffocating.

“Weird, I guess.” Cassandra shrugged.

“3 years is a long time to be away from home.”

Home. Was Corona still her home?

“After you destroyed their town and everything they loved and tried to kill their beloved princess?” Moon laughed bitterly. “You’re lucky you haven’t been hung already.”

Cassandra hugged herself tighter. “Yeah,” She finally responded. “Yeah, it is.” Wanting to change the subject and hopefully shut Moon up, she turned to Rapunzel and smiled before asking: “Enough about me. We talked briefly, but we never actually got to have a full conversation about it. What about you? What’s going on with the future queen of Corona?” She nudged Rapunzel’s shoulder with her own.

Rapunzel let out a small laugh. “Nothing much, really. Not much has happened since you’ve been gone. Princess duties, boring meetings, affairs’ with other kingdoms, you know, normal stuff.” Rapunzel laughed. “Well, as normal as Corona can get. Varian blew up the underground dungeon and Lance decided it was a bright idea to flood Corona with syrup after he stole one of Varian’s experiments. It took weeks to clean up!”

Cassandra let out a genuine laugh. “Sounds like fun.”

Rapunzel groaned. “It wasn’t.”

Cassandra let out another laugh and seeing her do so, made Rapunzel smile and her heart soar. The silence that followed after that was brief as Cassandra gathered her thoughts. “Raps? Can I ask you a.. personal question?”

“Sure.”

“I know you told me why you and Eugene broke it off but.. there has to be more to it than just that. You two just seemed so.. perfect. In a very sappy way.” Rapunzel didn’t respond at first as she looked down once more.

“W-We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t-”

“Guess we weren’t as perfect as everyone thought.” Rapunzel interrupted and Cassandra immediately went quiet. “After you left, everything kind of started going downhill from there. It was fine for a while but I soon realized that.. we wanted two different things.”

“What do you mean?”

Rapunzel looked up to meet her eyes. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course.”

“You can’t tell anyone, promise?” Cassandra nodded and Rapunzel took a shaky breath before continuing. “I’m kinda.. lost. I don’t think I really want to be queen.”

Cassandra’s eyes widened with disbelief. “But you were always excited about it before. You always said it was your ‘destiny’.”

“Yeah, it is.. But there’s a difference between a destiny I want.. and a destiny everyone chose for me.” Seeing Cassandra’s confused expression, she continued. “When I arrived at the castle, I suddenly became a princess after I was.. nothing for 18 years. I was overwhelmed but it was something new, something exciting, so I went with it. As time went on, people started to count on me. I was destined to be the future queen and as expected, I had to act that role. Even if I didn’t want to. When the black rocks started leading us away from Corona, I took the first chance I could to follow them. I thought maybe if I did, I would find out the reason. I always had doubts but I felt guilty about those feelings so I hoped the journey would give me something new to hold on to. And possibly even tell me if becoming queen WAS my destiny. But being out there, being.. being free, I never felt more alive. And the farther we got, the farther I got from the answer. I was running, honestly, I was running from a destiny I never wanted to have. After.. after you took the moonstone, I had no choice but to step up. With my parents, well, not them, the people counted on ME to keep them safe and lead them. It was the first time in my life that I had to choose between letting down the people who counted on me to keep them safe or.. letting down a friend.” Cassandra’s surprised expression didn’t surprise Rapunzel, so she continued.

I didn’t want to do either. I tried to do both. But the more.. stuff escalated, the more I had to choose. And I didn’t know what hurt more. The fact that I was gonna be forced to fight you or the fact that I was gonna lose you. After the battle between Zhan Tiri, after you left, it was the first time I acknowledged that the life that everyone chose for me wasn’t the life I wanted.``

“What do you want?” Cassandra whispered, almost afraid of the answer.

“To be free,” Rapunzel responded. “You know, see the world! Explore the world. Just be.. out there. Even in the tower, that was always my dream.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Cass, you know the answer to that.”

“No, no really I don’t. Enlighten me.” Cassandra’s voice was angry and harsh but Rapunzel had a feeling she wasn’t the one Cassandra was angry with.

“I can’t just abandon my people, Cass, that wouldn’t be right.” Rapunzel responded, shaking her head.

“So instead you choose to live in silent misery? You’re the one always telling people to live out there dream and never stop trying to achieve it while you yourself isn’t taking your own advice.”

“You know it’s different for me..” Rapunzel looked into Cassandra’s anger filled eyes.

“But it doesn’t have to be!” Cassandra shouted.

“Cassandra, I don’t have a choice!”

“Stop making excuses!”

“I’m not-”

“You ARE! You tell me that you want more, that you dream of freedom, yet you’re not doing anything about it. I have watched you put your heart and soul into helping people achieve their dream or at least encourage them and give them the courage to be able to do just that; yet you sit here and tell me that you ′can’t′ and that it’s ′different′. Why? Because you’re a princess? Because you have a responsibility to ungrateful people that have done nothing for you?”

“Even if I DID want to leave, Cass, my parents would NEVER allow it!” Rapunzel glared at her. She didn’t care.

“You’re. An. Adult! You can make your own choices! You’re not that naïve fresh-out-of-tower girl anymore, Rapunzel, as you said yourself. You have experience and I’m pretty damn sure you’re able to make your OWN decisions! When are you gonna learn to stop letting your mommy and daddy run your life? Actually, when are you going to stop letting EVERYONE run your life? No one has the right to decide what your destiny should be except you! You’re so smart, Raps, but god sometimes you can be so damn stupid!” Rapunzel’s eyes hardened as she opened her mouth to defend herself. Cassandra held her hand up and said sternly. “I’m not done.”

Rapunzel shut her mouth quickly while Cassandra continued. “I know what it’s like to be put into a position you don’t want to be in. I know what it’s like to long for something you can never have because you’re so damn scared to say something in fear that you’ll hurt someone you care about. I’ve been doing it my whole life. And believe me when I say, it’s not gonna get any better. You think that you’re.. invincible when you’re not, you’re human for god sake! No matter how kind or loving someone is, EVERYONE has a breaking point, even you. No matter how much you think you don’t. And if you keep living for other people instead of living for yourself, it’s going to build and build until it all boils over and you might do something you’ll regret. That’s what I did. And you saw how THAT went.” Rapunzel looked away and Cassandra sighed.

She grabbed the princess’s hands and stroked her knuckles with her thumbs gently before looking back up to meet her eyes, her eyes soft and understanding. “Look, listen to me, don’t listen to me, it’s your choice. But you’re not indestructible and now matter how strong you think you are... you’re not. I’m sorry, but you’re not. And the sooner you see that, the better off you’re gonna be.”

Rapunzel looked down at their joined hands before looking back up, Cassandra was surprised to see fear and pain in her eyes. Her heart broke. She looked so lost.. She’s never seen that look in Rapunzel before. Or anyone for that matter. “But if I leave, if I’m not what everyone expects of me, then who am I?”

Cassandra looked down while she collected her thoughts before looking back up. “That’s something I can’t answer for you, Raps, that’s something you’re gonna need to find out on your own.”

Cassandra could see the glistening tears in her best friends eyes just begging to fall but they never did. “What do I do? How do I find out?” Rapunzel whispered.

Cassandra thought for a second before her eyes hardened and she looked at Rapunzel with a serious expression. “Leave.”

Rapunzel pulled back and looked at her in surprise. “J-Just like that?”

“Yes.”

“But Cass, I can’t just.. leave.”

“Why not?”

“Well, first of all, I can’t just leave without telling anyone and second of all...” Rapunzel searched for an excuse, Cassandra raised an eyebrow waiting for her to find one, knowing she won’t. “I just.. can’t.”

“Raps, you can write a note to your parents, Eugene and everyone else. Put everything you’re feeling on there and leave it where they will find it.”

“They will come for me anyway.”

“Then we will run. And we’ll never stop. They can only follow us so far.” Cassandra responded, standing up, her eyes determined. Rapunzel followed suit although her eyes looked unsure, scared and if Cassandra saw correctly, there was some hope and excitement in there too.

“I-I can’t do that to you. If we are caught, it’ll cost you your freedom.”

“Then we won’t be caught.”

“Cass, we’ll always be on the run. Always. They will never stop. I can’t do that to you, not when you have so much to lose.”

Cassandra scoffed and grabbed her hand, yanking her closer which made the princess let out a small squeal of surprise. “Raps, look at me.” She demanded and Rapunzel obeyed. Cassandra’s eyes suddenly softened as she looked into her best friends eyes.

“The only thing I have to lose.. is you. Besides, I’m always on the run anyway. I have made a LOT of enemies.” Cassandra scratched the back of her neck nervously. Rapunzel still looked unconvinced. Cassandra sighed. “You pushed me to find my destiny, Rapunzel, and now.. it’s time I push you.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

Cassandra smiled one of those rare smiles. “I know. But I want to. Besides, it gets really lonely out there on the open road and there’s so many places I marked on my map that I wanted to take you to one day. It’ll just be you and me, out there, together. No evil forces hanging on our necks, no annoying boys, just you and me. You’re miserable Raps. You deserve to be happy. You don’t have to leave forever, we can return whenever you’re ready. What do you say?”

Rapunzel looked like she was considering it. Cassandra held her breath, praying she would say yes. A minute passed. Two. Two and a half. Thr-.

“Okay.”

Cassandra’s eyes widened. “Okay?” She asked, not quite believing this was actually happening.

Rapunzel looked up and gave her one of her best smiles. “Okay.” Cassandra’s eyes filled with joy as her face split into a shit-eating grin. She laughed and picked the smaller girl up, making the girl let out a cute surprised squeal and a ‘Cass!’ while she laughed, and she spun her, laughing in joy the whole time. Rapunzel laughed right alongside her. Cassandra eventually put the girl back on her feet as Rapunzel steadied herself by wrapping her arms around Cassandra’s neck. Cassandra placed her hands on Rapunzel’s hips.

“Oh Raps, I am SO glad you said yes. There’s so much I want to show you, so many places I want to take you! There’s the Rainbow Falls, the Ecliptic Ruins and oh! The Sky of Diamonds!”

“The Sky of Diamonds?” Rapunzel raised an eyebrow, a humorous smile on her face.

“Okay, well, the name isn’t the best.” Cassandra rubbed the back of her neck. “But it’s beautiful! You’ll love it!”

Rapunzel laughed. “I don’t doubt that.” She gave Cass a smile that nearly stopped her heart. “I want to see them all, with you.” Rapunzel must have thought about the idea because suddenly a wide kid-like smile filled her face as she pulled away from Cass, swaying slightly. Her body, her aura, her face screamed joy and excitement that Cass had never seen in her before. And that’s saying something. It brought a warm smile to her lips as her heart soared with pride because she was the one who brought her this joy. Not Fitzherbert, not anyone else, her. Cassandra had never been happier.

Rapunzel was suddenly bobbing up and down excitedly like a child in a candy shop. “So when are we leaving?”

Cassandra laughed. “Well, we should get some rest before we head out, and you need to get ready and write those notes, so I’d say tomorrow morning. EARLY tomorrow morning. Before the rest of Corona wakes.” Rapunzel nodded eagerly.

“We should get back then!” Rapunzel grabbed Cassandra’s hand eagerly and started pulling her towards Corona. Cassandra laughed.

Once they were outside the beautiful lake they found not so long ago, but felt like forever ago, Rapunzel stopped. She then turned around and threw her arms around Cassandra’s neck, hugging her tightly, but gently, but quickly, kissing her on the cheek. “Thank you.” She whispered.

Cassandra, who was stunned to the spot and forgot how to breathe, only dumbly nodded. “Uh-huh.” She was sure her face was red as a tomato right now. Rapunzel giggled before turning around again while grabbing her hand and started pulling her back towards Corona. Cassandra eventually got her bearings and walked alongside Rapunzel, their hands still intertwined. She smiled at her and Rapunzel returned it whole-heartily.

For they both knew, this was a new beginning for both of them.