Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction / Big O Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction / Digimon Fan Fiction / Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ ANIME DEATHMATCH!!! ❯ HOLIDAY SPECIAL! ( Chapter 20 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Starcatcher: Hey everyone! Welcome to the ANIME DEATHMATCH HOLIDAY SPECIAL (echo)!!! On today’s show, we’re going to have a lot of fun!

(Clip of people falling asleep in their seats.)

Starcatcher: We’re going to see some familiar faces.

(Clip of Cupid mooning people.)

Starcatcher: As well as some new ones.

(Clip of Blade, Vegita, and Heero flipping off the camera.)

Starcatcher: HEY!

Projectionist: (Laughs maniacally as he changes the clip)

(Clip of people wearing masks to look like other characters.)

Starcatcher: And some people you don’t like are going to die!

(Clip of Andy opening a box from Kat and Vulpes and blowing up.)

(Clip of Andy’s head being chopped off.)

(Clip of Andy being shot.)

(Clip of Andy being strangled by random people.)

(Clip of Andy being shoved off a cliff.)

Starcatcher: It’s going to be exciting!

(Clip of Starcatcher reading a book.)

Starcatcher: And it’s going to involve holiday themes!

(Clip of cast playing strip poker.)

Starcatcher: So enjoy! And please remember that none of us own any of the animes featured in this story, so please do not sue or all you will win is Andy, and you wouldn’t want that…

********************

(In the Announcer’s Box, Starcatcher is reading over an upcoming chapter of one of her stories when Kat enters.)

Kat: Hey Starcatcher. (Walks past, freezes and backs up, then turns and stares at something for a few moments) Uh…Starcatcher?

Starcatcher: (Not looking up) Hm?

Kat: What’s going on?

Starcatcher: (Reading) What does it look like?

Kat: Well…

(In case you’re wondering, and you probably are, the sight Kat is staring at would happen to be Vulpes. What’s with Vulpes? She’s plucking the petals off a daisy while she is sitting on a mountain of more daisies.)

Vulpes: (Plucks a petal) Eros. (Plucks another) Blue Eyes. (Again) Eros. (And Again) Blue Eyes. (And Again) Eros. (The last one) Blue Eyes! I’m sticking with Blue Eyes! (Pause) But Eros was so heartbroken! (Tosses stem over shoulder where it lands on an even bigger pile of more stems) Aw, what do these things know anyways? (Another pause as she glances at another daisy, then grabs it and starts again)

Kat: Okay, so I get what’s going on, but exactly how long has she been doing this?

Starcatcher: (Continues reading) Ever since she saw Zpan Sven’s newest review.

Kat: Oh, you mean the one about how Eros’s vocal cords were damaged so he couldn’t talk and how heartbroken he is now? I wonder why we didn’t see the last one?

Starcatcher: I think it has something to do with the fact that someone’s been messing with the reviews…

Kat: Who would do a thing like that?

Andy: SHE MEANS YOU, RETARD!!!

Kat: (Ignores him) It’s a good thing I only have one guy in my life!

Starcatcher: (Still reading) Uh-huh.

Kat: Yep! I couldn’t be happier!

Starcatcher: (STILL reading) Uh-huh.

Kat: (Grinning evilly) You know…maybe we should get you a boyfriend too!

Starcatcher: (Not even looking up) I don’t think so. Nice try though.

Kat: (Snaps fingers) Dammit!

Vulpes: (Screaming) AAAAAAH!!! HELP!!!

(The mountain of daisies that Vulpes was sitting on is currently on fire.)

Kat: WHAT THE—!?!

Michiru: NEPTUNE DEEP SUBMERGE!!!

(The water douses out the fire, and everyone heaves a sigh of relief.)

Vulpes: (Jumps down) Thanks…but…what started that?

Mystery Person: HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!! BURN! BUUUUUUUUURN!!! (Runs around with a lighter, trying to set things on fire)

Kat: Who…is…THAT!?!

Starcatcher: That’s Pyro. She’ll be taking Bob/Some Random Guy’s place as our random person.

Kat: I’m assuming she’s a pyromaniac?

Vulpes: Gee…how could you tell?

Pyro: Fire…pretty… (Stares zombie-like at the flames)

Kat: (Looks at Starcatcher and gestures to Pyro) I think I’m going to like her…

Starcatcher: Oh brother…

Sparky: (Singing) We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas as we steal all your gifts!

Starcatcher: Maybe I shouldn’t have done this chapter…

Kat: A little late for that. Now what am I going to give Andy? (Evil grin)

Andy: See? I am the most popular! Look at all the gifts I got! (Points to a mountain of gifts)

Sparky: Uh…Andy? I’m not too sure about those gifts...

Andy: What? Why?

Sparky: Over half of those presents are ticking, some are moving and growling, and a few keep singing a certain annoying song, which shall remain unnamed…

Andy: What’s your point?

Sparky: I wouldn’t open any of those gifts if I were you…

Andy: You’re just jealous! (Opens the box the annoying song is coming from)

(A Barney leaps out.)

Barney: I love you, you love me…

Andy: (Screams and runs, the Barney chasing him)

Everyone: (Blink, blink) Oooookaaaaay...

(Just then, a little girl with blonde hair, wearing a bright pink dress and a pink bow enters the announcer's box and sits comfortably into a chair.)

Kat: Hey...are you lost?

Girl: I don't believe so.

Kat: This is the announcer's box. Only the cast members are allowed up here.

Girl: (Smiles) Then I'm in the right place!

Kat: (Getting annoyed) Just who do you think you are?

Girl: My name's Candice! I'm Blade's cute, sweet, wonderful, and perfect little sister!

Kat: WHAT!?!

Vulpes: WHAT!?!

Sparky: WHAT!?!

Naraku: WHAT!?!

Bob's Ghost: WHAT!?!

Dark Magician: WHAT!?!

Stagehand: WHAT!?!

Palmer: WHAT!?!

Princess Emeraude: WHAT!?!

Willy Wonka: WHAT!?!

Darth Vader: WHAT!?!

Draco: WHAT!?!

Kat: DIE!!! (Turns her hand into a claw and slices Draco into bits)

Andy: (Somehow returned unscathed) Retard...uh, WHAT!?!

Starcatcher: KNOCK IT OFF!!!

Kat: (Narrows eyes) Starcatcher...what's going on?

Starcatcher: Candice is going to be on the show today.

Kat: ...You're kidding...

Starcatcher: Nope.

Candice: It won't be a problem, Miss Starcatcher, will it? (Eyes get all big and watery)

Audience: Aww...

Starcatcher: Of course not. (Goes back to reading over chapter)

Vulpes: (Goes back to picking the petals off daisies)

Sparky: (Grins evilly) Oh, a cute yet evil little girl...this is gonna be good...

Candice: (Smirks at Kat)

Kat: (Glares at Candice)

Candice: (Flips off Kat)

Overly-Obsessed Blade Fans: (Grin)

Kat: WHY YOU LITTLE--!!!

Candice: (Falls to her knees, crying) *BOO-HOO!* *BOO-HOO-HOO!*

Kat: What the...?

Candice: (Points at Kat) Th-the m-mean old lady's being m-m-mean t-to m-me...*Boo-hoo!*

Kat: (Stares) Huh?

Audience: FOR SHAME! PICKING ON A POOR, INNOCENT CHILD!!!

Kat: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?! BUT SHE--!

Starcatcher: Kat, just say you're sorry.

Kat: BUT--

Audience: (Glares)

Kat: (Sighs) Fine...(Through clenched teeth) I'm sorry...

Audience: That's better! (Goes back to doing whatever it was they were doing before)

Andy: AHAHAHAHAHAA!!! YOU’RE SUCH A RETARD!!!

Candice: (Sticks tongue out at Kat) NLAH!!!

Kat: Grr...(Currently thinking of evil things to do to the little brat)

(In the audience...)

Serena: Oh great...as if one spore wasn't enough.

Rini: (Singing) Rain or shine! I'm happiest! When I'm with Tuxedo Mask!

Hiei: (Chops Rini's head off) I despise cute.

(Mokona, Mog, Puu, Kero, and all the other cute beings back away, scared.)

Sparky: Hmm...I'm beginning to wonder...

Starcatcher: Wonder later. Now, for today's episode, we'll be featuring three fights. This is to make up for the delay...and also considering it is the Holdiays. First match: Cloud VS Trunks. Second match: Z Fighters VS Outer Sailor Scouts. Third match: Sesshomaru VS Vegita.

(In the ring...)

Andy: All right retards, it's time to get this started. Hey, purple-haired retard? Are you going to actually fight this time?

Trunks: I can fight!

Andy: Really retard? I can't be too sure considering you wussed out last time like the wuss you are.

Trunks: My opponent was a GIRL! If I tried anything, the people would think I'm a jerk!

Andy: And now they think you're a wimp!

Cloud: Can we start the fight sometime TODAY?

Andy: Whatever, retard...ready? Set...GO!

(Vamo' alla Flamenco begins playing. It's the FF9 tune that plays at the beginning in the sword fight between Zidane and Blank during the play.)

Trunks: Nu-uh! We won't be having any of that now! (Blasts music guy)

Music Guy: AUGH! (Falls from booth and lands on Andy)

Andy: OW! THAT HURT YOU RETARD!

Music Guy: I don't get paid enough for this! (Gets up and walks away)

(Both Cloud and Trunks have started fighting already. Now they both try an overhead slash, but their swords clang together, creating sparks.)

Pyro: (Eyes get all big and shiney) OOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(However, the sparks fall onto Cloud, instantly lighting his hair aflame.)

Cloud: (Pats out the flames, but his hair is no longer in its spikey style) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! MY HAIR!!! I SPENT HOURS TRYING TO GET IT THAT WAY! (Glares at Trunks) I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! (Swipes at Trunks, slashing him across his chest)

Trunks: Ah! Here, let me HELP! (Chops off the last chunk of Cloud's hair still in its former style)

Cloud: CRAP! NOW I LOOK LIKE THAT GEEK, HARRY POTTER!!!

Harry: HEY!

Harry Fans: HARRY'S NOT A GEEK!

Draco Fans: YES HE IS!

(They all kill each other.)

Trunks: (Blink, blink) Riiight...

Cloud: Where were we?

Trunks: We were trying to kill each other.

Cloud: Oh yeah...wait a minute, why?

Trunks: To entertain the readers.

Cloud: Ok. (Lunges at Trunks)

Trunks: (Moves to the left)

Cloud: (Trips Trunks, then has him at sword point) I win.

Trunks: Not quite. (Rolls out of the way and swipes at Cloud's legs, causing him to fall, then chops off his head)

Cloud's Head: OW! MY HEAD!!! HE CHOPPED OFF MY HEAD!

Trunks: (Stares, eyes wide in shock, and drops the head) Uh...okay...

Cloud's Head: HEY!

Andy: And the winner is...the purple haired retard.

Trunks fans: (Swoon)

(Up in the announcer's box...)

Kat: That was...sorta interesting...

Vulpes: (Pouting) Why did Cloud have to lose? He was cute...

Starcatcher: (Shrugs) Just the way the match goes.

Sparky: Uh-huh...and I'm sure the vast number of death threats sent from the Trunks fans had nothing to do with it...

Trunks fans: (GRIN)

(Creaking sounds from above can be heard.)

Vulpes: Hey...does anyone hear that?

Sparky: It sounds like an annoying villain is about to fall through the roof.

(Suddenly, Dr. Fakenstein crashes through the roof.)

Dr. Fakenstein: Ow…I mean—I HAVE ARRIVED!!!

Kat: Who invited you?

Dr. Fakenstein: Nobody actually, but enough about that. I WILL NOW TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA—

Candice: Who's he?

Dr. Fakenstein: (Notices Candice) Well, now aren't you just the cutest little thing! Now where was I? Oh yeah! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Kat: (Rolls eyes) Please…

Vulpes: Give it a rest!

Dr. Fakenstein: What do you mean?

Sparky: Well…lets face it. None of your plans have actually worked.

Kat: Technically, neither have yours...

Andy: YEAH RETARD!!!

Dr. Fakenstein: This one will! I have my own top-secret laboratory! I’ve got workers and everything!

Kat: Prove it.

Dr. Fakenstein: I’ll show you!

Sparky: Mine’s probably better...

Vulpes: I have too many problems already!

Candice: I have to stay here and be my sweet, perfect, adorable self!

Kat: I have to come up with a way to kill off Candice.

Pyro: Must...burn...EVERYTHING!!! EHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!!

Kat: (Grins) Maybe she can help me get rid of the brat...

Andy: DID YOU HEAR ME!?! REEEEEEEEEEEEETAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!

Dr. Fakenstein: Come on! Please?

Starcatcher: (Sighs) Fine! I’ll go…(Follows Dr. Fakenstein)

Vulpes: And while she's gone, I'll start the next fight! It's time for the promised-eventhoughwekindaforgotaboutitforawhile-match...Z Fighters VS Sailor Scouts.

Kat: It'll be a four on four fight. Goku, Young Gohan, Piccolo, and Krillin from DBZ against Sailor Uranus, Neptune, Saturn, and Pluto from SM.

Vulpes: Why only the outers?

Sparky: Cuz everyone knows they're stronger than the inners.

Inners: HEY!

Kat: Lets start!

(In the ring.)

Andy: (Drools at the short skirts)

Uranus: HEY! (Punches Andy)

Andy: Ow! Okay! Okay, retard! START!

Piccolo: BEAM CANNON! (Fires it at Pluto)

Saturn: SILENCE WALL! (Blocks it)

Y. Gohan: (Punches Saturn)

Uranus: (Kicks Y. Gohan into Piccolo, then goes for Goku) URANUS WORLD SHAKING! (Fires attack at Goku)

Gohan: No! Dad! (Dodges a swipe from Saturn and returns a hit of his own)

Goku: (Blocks the attack, lessening the damage, but gets into a fist fight with Uranus)

Piccolo: (Stretches his arm to try and hit Pluto)

Pluto: (Uses her staff to knock his arm to the side, creating a minor hole in the arena)

Neptune: (To Krillin) I guess I'll deal with you then! NEPTUNE--

Krillin: No! Don't hit me! I'm dead already! (Lays on ground) See? I'm toast.

Audience: (Falls over)

Neptune: (Blinks twice) What? Oh fine, I'll help Haruka against the big guy then.

Goku: (Glares at Krillin) Thanks a lot!

Neptune: NEPTUNE DEEP SUBMERGE!

(The attack hits Goku, knocking him back a foot or so. Uranus then comes at him from behind and knocks him forward. The two double-team him.)

Krillin: No, Goku! If I were still alive I'd help, but she got me good!

Piccolo: (Rolls eyes) How could we not see that one coming? (Jumps as Pluto swipes at him with her staff, then fires another beam cannon at her)

Pluto: (Hit by the beam cannon and falls to the ground, but gets back up) DEAD SCREAM!

Piccolo: (Knocked into Saturn, causing both of them to crash outside of the ring onto a table)

(Unfortunatley, on the table was Hotaru/Saturn's collection of lanterns, which was there for some reason nobody really knows...)

Saturn: (Gasp) My lanterns! (Glares) You'll pay for that...

Sparky: Oh boy...

Kat: This won't end well...for them I mean. It'll be just fine for us. (Grins)

Pyro: (Lights the remains of the table and lanterns on fire) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

Candice: (Eyes widen, and she takes a step back)

Vulpes: I wonder how Starcatcher is...

(At Dr. Fakenstein’s secret laboratory, which is located in a mountain with his face engraved across it.)

Starcatcher: (Rolls eyes) As if this isn’t obvious…

(Back at the studio...)

Piccolo: Hey, it was an accident!

Pluto: SATURN! NOOOOOOOO!

Saturn: DEATH REBORN REVOLUTION!!!

(The attack slams into the arena, creating a cloud of smoke or dust or whatever it is, but for some strange reason, not destroying the planet.)

Vulpes: Well that's a relief.

Sparky: Darnit all. (Pulls out the ring from LOTR and hands it to Kat, grumbling) You never lose a bet, do you?

Kat: (Grins) Not often.

Sauron: HEY! THAT'S MINE!

Kat: (Smirks as she pockets the ring) Not anymore.

Frodo: Wait a minute, didn't we destroy it?

Sam: Guess not.

Vulpes: But if Sparky had the ring, why didn't it affect him?

Sparky: Hey, being the brother of an author has it's perks.

(Eventually, the smoke clears to reveal Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, Uranus, Neptune, Saturn, and Pluto have been knocked out. After a few seconds of stunned silence, Krillin stands, looking around, confused.)

Sparky: What...the...FUCK!?!

Vulpes: Whoa...it looks like the winner is...Krillin...

Kat: This is so wrong...

Krillin: Hee hee. Guess I'm stronger than I thought!

(A beam knocked loose from the ceiling falls and lands on his head, knocking him out.)

Pyro: Huh...guess no one won. (Goes back to lighting Zidane's tail on fire)

Zidane: HEY! (Grabs his tail out of her reach) NO TOUCHIE!

Pyro: (Pouts) Awww...

Sparky: Oh come on! Everyone knows the Z Fighters should have won!

Kat: Against the Inners...most likely...but we wanted to make it interesting so we brought in the outers and gave them full power.

Vulpes: Too bad Starcatcher wasn't here to see this...

(Inside Dr. Fakenstein's so-called 'secret' lab…)

Dr. Fakenstein: Well? What do you think?

Starcatcher: You should be arrested.

Dr. Fakenstein: Why?

Starcatcher: This must be violating some sort of child labor law!

Dr. Fakenstein: What do you mean?

Starcatcher: Your workers are CHILDREN! For heaven’s sake, have you no shame?

Dr. Fakenstein: But they love it here! HEY YOU WITH THE STUPID HAT!!!

Vivi: It’s Vivi!

Dr. Fakenstein: Whatever…just come over here and tell this nice lady how great it is working here!

Vivi: It’s fun! We get to play with knives!

Starcatcher: (Blink, blink)

Dr. Fakenstein: And I do pay them for their work, right kid?

Vivi: Yesterday, I earned a dollar! (Holds up a dollar bill that has Dr. Fakenstein’s picture where George Washington’s should be)

Starcatcher: (Stares)

Dr. Fakenstein: It’s perfectly safe too!

Vivi: Last week, Shippou sewed his hands together!

Starcatcher: (Glares at Dr. Fakenstein) I see…

(A few minutes later…)

Starcatcher: (To the children) Now you kids head home.

Children: THANK YOU!!! (Wave their money in the air as they rush off)

Starcatcher: And as for you…(Turns to face Dr. Fakenstein)…now what have we learned today?

Dr. Fakenstein: (Beaten to a bloody pulp and groaning in pain) Never reveal my top-secret lab to my enemies.

Starcatcher: Not quite, but it is the holidays, so I'll let you get away with this one as long as you've learned your lesson. (Narrows eyes) You...HAVE learned your lesson, RIGHT?

Dr. Fakenstein: (Nods and begins jumping up and down with joy, despite the pain) Yes! Of course! From now on, I'll do even more horrible things! My first plan: TO STEAL CHRISTMAS!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA--

Starcatcher: (Knocks Fakenstein unconscious) He STILL doesn't get it!

Grinch: (Mysteriously appears out of nowhere and kicks Fakenstein) HEY!!! THAT'S MY BIT!!!

The Who's Down in Whoville: (Singing) I'm blue da ba de da ba di...

Grinch: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOOOOOP!!! (Begins bashing his head against the cliff, causing an avalanche to fall onto him)

Starcatcher: (Throws arms up) THAT'S IT! I'm OUTTA here! (Leaves)

(Meanwhile, back at the show...)

Candice: (Singing) Look at me! I am so great! Everybody loves me! I am so great!

Audience: Aww...

Kat: (To herself) Good thoughts in...bad thoughts out...good thoughts in...bad thoughts of murdering Candice out...good thoughts in...bad thoughts of torturing the little brat to the point of insanity out...good thoughts in...bad thoughts of doing terrible things to the no-good, lousy, sickening spore...things so terrible to even speak off...delightfully evil things...(Grin)

Vulpes: (Holding a coin in her hand) Heads is Eros. Tails is Blue Eyes. (Flips coin, but it gets stuck in a crack and stays upright) DAMMIT!!!

Sparky: (Talking to Candice) So, you're Blade's little sister?

Candice: Yes! I am his cute, adorable, lovable, sweet, perfect–

Sparky: Yeah, you've made that quite clear. (Grins) You wouldn't happen to know where he keeps his sword, would you?

Candice: You mean this one? (Holds out Blade's sword)

Sparky: (Stares) Whoa...

Candice: I even know how to use it! Watch! (Swings sword, but it is obviously too big for her and it slips out of her grip. flies through the air, and stabs Dr. Jero)

Dr. Jero: Aww...what a cute kid...(Dies...again)

Candice: Oops...(Smiles innocently) I made a bobo...

Audience: Aww...(Completely overlooks the fact that Candice killed Dr. Jero)

Kat: *GAG*

(Vegita and Sesshomaru,the next fighters, also saw what happened.)

Vegita: (Glares) Brat...

Sesshomaru: Indeed...

Audience: WHAT DID YOU CALL HER!?! (Begins throwing things at the two fighters)

Vulpes: (Tries flipping the coin again) So it'll be...

Melvin: (Pops up out of nowhere) Did you finally decide to choose me?

Vulpes: EWW! NO! (Bashes Melvin's head into the floor, which causes the coin to fall through a crack and disappear) DAMMIT!

(Just then, Starcatcher returns.)

Starcatcher: Hey everyone. (Stares) What's going on?

Kat: Candice just killed Dr. Jero! SHE'S EVIL!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!

Candice: She’s lying! I wouldn’t hurt a fly! (Halo appears above her head)

Audience: Aww...she’s so cute...(Glares at Kat) HOW COULD YOU TRY AND BLAME SUCH A SWEET CHILD!?!

Kat: BUT SHE...never mind...

Sparky: Evil little thing isn’t she?

Melvin: (Still swirly-eyed)

(Just then, Vulpes once again tosses a coin into the air, but this time it is caught by none other than...)

Cupid: TA DA!!! (Pockets coin)

Vulpes: HEY!!!

Starcatcher: (Glares) Cupid, what are you doing here?

Cupid: I’m here for the holiday episode!

Candice: Hello Mister!

Cupid: Aww...what a cute little girl...

Kat: This is getting out of hand...

Inuyasha: I’ll get rid of her! (Jumps up)

Kagome: SIT BOY!

Inuyasha: (Crashes to the ground) KAGOME!!! What’d you do that for!?!

Kagome: Because she’s just a little kid and you shouldn’t be picking on her!

Inuyasha: Why can’t you ever keep quiet?

Kagome: (Glares) SI—

(Just then, however, Inuyasha covers Kagome’s mouth with tape.)

Inuyasha: At least they came up with something useful in the future. Now for the brat!

(Just then, the moon changes into a new moon and Inuyasha becomes human.)

Inuyasha: DAMMIT!!!

Mina: Whoa! He’s cute!

Inuyasha: Double DAMMIT!!!

Andy: HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! RETARD!!!

Melvin: (Pouting) Why can't I get any girls?

Cupid: ANYWAY...I will now show my mighty power!

Starcatcher: What are you going to do? Fire one of your little “love arrows” at me?

Cupid: Actually, I was hoping to get Blade. Is he back yet?

Vulpes: No.

Cupid: (Sighs) Then I have no clue what to do...

Everyone: (Falls anime style)

Kat: Why don’t you try doing something constructive? Like get Relena and Videl dates considering there’s no way either of them could get one on their own?

Relena: THAT’S IT!!!

Videl: WE’RE SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR INSULTS!!!

Relena: YOU SHOULDN’T MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE IN ACHIEVING PEACE!!!

Videl: OR FOR BEING THE DAUGHTER OF SOME FAKE CLAIMING TO HAVE SAVED THE WORLD!!!

Kat: But those aren’t the main reasons people hate you.

Relena and Videl: Then why?

Sparky: Isn’t it obvious?

Relena and Videl: No.

Sparky: Relena, they don’t like you because you keep stalking Heero. As for you Videl, the fans don’t really like you because you’re too nosy.

Relena and Videl: WE DON’T HAVE TO STAND FOR THIS!!!

Vulpes: Well what are you gonna do about it?

Relena and Videl: JUST WATCH!!!

Relena: (Turns to Videl) Lets do this!

Videl: (Nods) YEAH! No more miss nice girls!!!

Everyone: (Blink, blink)

(Both girls pull something seemingly out of nowhere.)

Vulpes: What the...?

Kat: What’re those?

Starcatcher: They look like...

(Just then, the Supreme Kai, Old Kai, and Kabito appear.)

Supreme Kai: STOP THEM!!! THEY’VE STOLEN THE FUSION EARRINGS!!!

Sparky: Well...I bet we can all pretty much guess where this is going...

Andy: Where is it going?

Melvin: (Sighs and shakes head) Why do I feel so much like Edd?

Announcer Guy: Oh no! What will happen? Stay tuned after these messages!

Kat: HOLD IT!!! What messages!?!

Starcatcher: The network is putting commercials in the show.

Kat: You’re kidding...

Starcatcher: Nope.

Kat: Well...this sucks...

********************

Know Your Stars Guy (Otherwise known as "Guy"): Know your stars...

Echo: Know your stars...

Echo: Know your stars...

Echo: Know your stars...

Echo: Know your stars...

Guy: Raye Hino...she killed Santa!

Raye: What? I did not!

Guy: Did so!

Raye: (Huffs)

Guy: Raye Hino...she's been going at it with Darien behind Serena's back!

Raye: That never happened! Well...it did...but that was only in the betrayal fics!

Guy: Suuure...wait till Serena finds out about this!

Raye: But I'd never do that!

Guy: Raye Hino...she's the one who hypnotized all the authors into writing betrayal fics!

Raye: WHAT!?! Why would I WANT them to write betrayal fics? Where I usually end up getting KILLED!?!

Guy: Now you know...Raye Hino...

Raye: Do not!

Guy: Do so!

Raye: Not!

Guy: So!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turlas: Hungry? Why not try growing your own “Tree of Might?” An instant tree that bears fruit which will not only satisfy your hunger, but make you stronger as well! BUY IT TODAY! (Quickly) Warning:Maycausedestructionofplanetandreallyshouldnotbeusedbyanyone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sparky: Hello everyone! You all know me as Sparky from Anime Deathmatch! Today, we’ll be selling THIS!!! (Holds out a CD) A music CD featuring all the Holiday Songs--ANIME DEATHMATCH STYLE!!! You’ll enjoy such classics as “Violent Fight,” “Joy to the Crowd,” and a personal favorite, “Andy Got Run Over By a Reindeer!” So you’d better order now! The number is 1800-MAKESPARKYRICH! That’s 1800-MAKESPARKYRICH!!! Call now!

********************

Vulpes: You made your own commercial?

Melvin: Technically, I made it.

Sparky: What’s wrong with that? It’s a fast and easy way to get money!

Starcatcher: That’s assuming anyone actually BUYS it!

Sparky: You’re just jealous!

Kat: HEY!!! I’M THE ONE WHO CREATED “ANDY GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER”!!! YOU THIEF!!! (Punches Sparky)

Sparky: O-o-o-ow...(Falls over)

Andy: AHAHAHAHAA!!! RETARD!!! (Pause) Wait a minute! HEY!!!

Pyro: (Trying to set the CD's on fire, but only manages to melt them) Aww... ;_;

Announcer Guy: Isn’t there something IMPORTANT you’re supposed to be doing right now?

Everyone: Oh yeah!

Supreme Kai: HURRY! SOMEONE STOP THEM!!!

(But it’s too late. Both girls already put on the earrings. They are suddenly pulled towards each other and there is a great flash of light. When the light fades...)

All: (Gasp) THE HORROR!!! THE HORROR!!!

(There is only one person where the two were before. It’s obviously the fusion of Videl and Relena.)

?????: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!?! I guess now you can call me...VILENA!!!!

All: (Scream)

Cupid: Now I could work with that...

Vilena: PERVERT!!! (Slaps him)

Cupid: (Grin) I’m the God of Love! What did you expect?

Sparky: Not that...

Starcatcher: This is just too weird. Cupid...leave...

Cupid: But what about the party?

Starcatcher: Do you want to fight me again?

Cupid: Fine! Fine! I’ll go! But this isn’t over yet! I WILL GET MY REVENGE!!! (Laughs maniacally as he flies off but doesn’t watch where he’s going and crashes into a wall)

Vulpes: (Stares) Is he okay?

Kat: I doubt it...

Candice: (Pouting) Nobody’s paying any attention to me!

Audience: Aww...you poor sweet child!

Kat: (Thinking) Evil little brat...

Candice: You shouldn’t be thinking such bad thoughts about me...

Kat: (Stares, thinking) How did she know what I was thinking?

Candice: I can read your mind Kat...I know all the secrets you’re hiding...

Vulpes: That’s just weird...

Sparky: (Backs away) I've changed my mind. That is one messed up kid!

Melvin: That's a kid? I thought it was one of those aliens from the Planet of Pink.

Candice: (Glares at Melvin)

Melvin: (Suddenly goes crashing through the wall, lands in the road and is hit by several cars)

Kat: STARCATCHER!!!

Starcatcher: What?

Kat: Candice is EVIL!!!

Starcatcher: Really? (Both look over at Candice, who’s head is spinning, a la "The Exorcist")

Audience: (Claps and cheers) BRAVO! BRAVO!!!

Kat: Insane...they’re all insane!

Sparky: Hey! That's an insult to all the insane people out there!

Pyro: BURN!!! BURN EVERYTHING!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Kat: Okay, so they’re not insane...stupid, yes...but not insane...

Vilena: HELLO!?! EVIL MADWOMAN BENT ON CAUSING DESTRUCTION HERE!!!

Audience: (Ignores her and continues watching Candice)

Vilena: (Fumes)

Vegita: Are we EVER going to fight?

Sesshomaru: It doesn’t look like it...

Vilena: I WILL RULE ALL!!! I AM QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!!

Sesshomaru: Her screeching is getting annoying...

Vegita: At this rate, we’ll NEVER get to fight! (Punches Vilena)

Vilena: WHY YOU–!!! (Lunges for Vegita)

Sesshomaru: (Trips Vilena, then turns to Vegita) What do you think?

Vegita: A temporary alliance?

Sesshomaru: Until we rid the world of this vermin.

Vegita: Sounds fine. (Punches Vilena into the air)

Audience: (Cheers)

Candice: (Pouts at the lack of attention she’s getting)

Kat: (Smirks and shoves Candice into a pit of rabid Chibi Usas, Rinis, and the occasional Reenie while no one is looking)

Chibi Usa #220: Hey! Here’s some bitch who thinks she’s cuter then us!

Rini #92375: GET HER!!!

(The rabid Chibi Usas, Rinis, and the occasional Reenie all jump Candice and begin clawing at her.)

Kat: (Laughs and wipes a tear from her eye) It’s only too bad no one else saw that.

Andy: I DID!!!

Kat: No one who counts anyway...

Vulpes: I did!

Kat: (Smiles) I love my life...

Pyro: (Runs up and throws a lit match into the pit, engulfing everything within it in flames) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Kat: (Grins) Nice one! (They high five)

(However, Candice is somehow still alive and crawls out of the flaming pit.)

Candice: YOU RUINED MY DRESS!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! (Runs off)

Vulpes: I can’t believe she’s Blade’s sister...

Sparky: I can.

Sesshomaru: (Slashes Vilena and kicks her over to where Vegita is) Finish her!

Vegita: (Forms a ki ball in his hand and fires it at Vilena)

Vilena: (Screams)

(However, right when the blast is about to waste her...)

Tuxedo Mask: I’LL SAVE YOU!!! (Carries Vilena to safety)

Vilena: YOU SAVED ME!!! (Glomps Tuxedo Mask around his neck, cutting off his air)

Tuxedo Mask: ERK! CAN’T...BREATHE!!! (Drops Vilena and they both fall to the ground)

Vegita: NOW YOU’RE DONE FOR!!!

Vilena: I WON’T DIE TODAY!!! (Escapes)

Supreme Kai: NO! She’s escaped with the earrings!

Old Kai: It could be worse...she didn’t look all that bad...(Drools)

Supreme Kai and Kabito: SHUT UP!!! (Simultaneously pound Old Kai’s head)

Tuxedo Mask: (Stands up) WHY CAN’T I EVER WIN!?!

Vegita: Because you suck! (Stomps on Tuxedo Mask’s back)

Vulpes: HOLY COW!!!

(Just then, a cow with wings and a halo falls on Tuxedo Mask, crushing him.)

Holy Cow: Mooo...

Everyone: (Stares at Vulpes)

Vulpes: (Grins) I’ve always wanted to do that...

Tuxedo Mask: You...have no idea...how much pain I’m in...

Sesshomaru: This is dull...

Tuxedo Mask: HELLO!?! THE PRINCE OF THE EARTH...YOUR PRINCE IS IN PAIN!!!

Vegita: PUT A SOCK IN IT YOU WIMP!!! (Kicks Tuxedo Mask)

Tuxedo Mask: YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!!! I’M ROYALTY!!!

(Vegita and Sesshomaru nod to each other, then begin beating Tux-boy to a bloody pulp.)

Andy: (Nelson laugh) HA! HA!

Vegita: (Picks up Tuxedo Mask and throws him through the roof)

Tuxedo Mask: YOU’LL PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY...(Disappears)

Sparky: I bet ya the Eye of Thundera he’ll go a hundred miles!

Vulpes: I bet he’ll fly a thousand!

Kat: I'd say he'll end up right back here.

Sparky and Vulpes: YOU’RE ON!!!

Sesshomaru: Don’t you people ever get enough betting?

All: No.

Kat: I wonder where that brat went...

(Sounds can be heard coming from behind a door. Kat walks over, opens it and...)

Kat: Candice!?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!

Candice: (Standing on a ladder, working on something) I’m creating a machine that will allow me to rule the world!

Audience: Aww...isn’t that adorable?

Kat: THAT’S IT! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?!

Starcatcher: What do you mean?

Kat: She is a complete and total BRAT yet I seem to be the ONLY one who’s noticed! AM I MISSING SOMETHING!?!

Starcatcher: Yes.

Kat: And that would be…?

Starcatcher: Candice has mind-control powers.

Kat: (Blink, blink) And we’re not affected because…?

Starcatcher: You’re not because she hates you and wants to make you miserable. I’m not because I’m the author and am naturally immune to it. Sparky isn’t because cute things bore him. Andy’s not because his skull is too thick for any of her powers to get through.

Kat: And Vulpes?

Starcatcher: That’s a bit hard to tell…she’s been so focused on having to decide between Eros and Blue Eyes that no one can really be sure.

Kat: Oh…so that means I can kill her?

Starcatcher: No, but you can bash her a bit.

Kat: YES!! (Pulls out a gigantic mallet and bashes Candice with it)

Candice: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I’m gonna tell Blade on you!!!

(Just then, something crashes through the roof and lands on Andy, killing him.)

Vulpes: OH MY GOD! ANDY’S DEAD!!!

Starcatcher: WOO HOO!!!

Vulpes: You don’t like him very much, do you?

Starcatcher: Nope.

Sparky: WHAT WAS THAT!?!

(The thing that crushed Andy turns out to be a red sleigh with someone inside. The person jumps out of the sleigh, revealing himself to be...)

Blade: Hey everyone!

Kat: BLADE!!! YOU’RE BACK!!!

Blade: (Grin) Yeah.

Starcatcher: Where’d you get the sleigh?

Blade: That? I found it on some guy’s roof. There didn’t seem to be anyone around, so I figured no one would mind if I took it.

Everyone: (Sends looks at each other) Uh...well...

Candice: (Runs over to Blade, crying) Oh big brother! Thank goodness you’re here! That mean old Kat is doing horrible things to me and everyone’s picking on me! (Cries)

Kat: (Ignores her) What happened at the fight? Who won?

Blade: It was a draw.

Sparky: What brings you back so soon?

Blade: I heard Candice was causing problems here AND she stole my sword, so I figured I should come back and do something. (Glares at Candice) Have you been using your mind control powers again!?!

Candice: Noo...(Innocent look)

Blade: (Narrows eyes) That won’t work on me.

Candice: Uh...er...um...bye! (Runs for it)

Kat: (Grabs Candice by the cuff of her shirt and smiles evilly) I think it’s time you met a little friend of mine...(Leaves, dragging Candice after her, and a few minutes later, Candice’s screams can be heard for a minute before she is abruptly and mysteriously silenced)

Everyone: (Blink, blink)

Blade: Anyways, what all did I miss?

Starcatcher: Cupid pretended to be me, Dr. Fakenstein turned everyone into Pokemon, Tuxedo Gohan has appeared a few times, Vulpes can’t choose between Eros and Blue Eyes White Hydra, and Bob tricked everyone into thinking the last episode had come, but was killed. Recently, Videl and Relena fused to create Vilena, Cupid showed up and swore he’d be back, and we now have a new cast member named Pyro.

Pyro: THAT’S ME!!! BWAHAHAHAA!!! EVERYTHING MUST BUUUUUUUUUUURN!!!

Blade: I’m assuming she’s a pyromaniac.

Everyone: (Nods and sighs)

Blade: Cool!

(Just then, Kat comes back, but without Candice.)

Kat: (Sighs happily) Being with my friends. Exacting sweet revenge upon my enemies. I believe this is what the holidays are really all about!

Vulpes: What did you do?

Kat: Lets just say I took Candice someplace REALLY hot...

Sparky: Okay...I’m scared now...

(Melvin shows up again.)

Melvin: Is she still here?

Kat: Nope.

Melvin: (Cheers) Now Vulpes and I can be together!

Vulpes: Nope.

Melvin: Aww...

Starcatcher: I believe this should pretty much wrap things up...

Sparky: HOLD IT!!! It’s the holidays, isn’t it?

All: Yeah...

Sparky: So we can’t leave without a holiday carol to remember this episode by!

Starcatcher: You just want to promote your CD!!!

Sparky: Of course!

Blade: CD?

Kat: Don’t ask...

Vulpes: You don’t want to know...

Sparky: (Singing to the tune of “Jingle Bells”) Oh…

What a time we’ve had
On the show today
We almost went insane
Laughing all the way

There’s a new bad guy
And a new cast member too!
There’s just so much that’s going on
And I don’t have a clue!

Oh
Pyro’s nuts, Melvin’s smart
But not as smart as me!
Vulpes just can’t seem to choose
And Kat’s getting scary—

Blade’s come back, Andy’s dead
It’s getting stupid now!
Starcatcher ignores it all.
Hey is that a flying cow?

Dr. Fakenstein
Wants to take over the earth
Videl and Relena fused
Causing Vilena’s birth!

Cupid swore revenge
Tux-boy’s getting bruised
Candice was sent down to hell
And I’m being abused

Oh
Pyro’s nuts, Melvin’s smart
But not as smart as me!
Vulpes just can’t seem to choose
And Kat’s getting scary—

Blade’s come back, Andy’s dead
It’s getting stupid now!
Starcatcher ignores it all.
Hey is that a flying cow?

Everyone: (Blink, blink)

Sparky: (Bows) THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!

Starcatcher: Well...at least it’s over...you won’t miss the next episode of ANIME DEATHMATCH (echo)!!! Happy Holidays everyone!

Vegita: ...This bites.

Sesshomaru: We didn't even get to fight!

Vegita: Oh yeah! (Blasts Sesshomaru, leaving a pile of dust left) There. I win. (Walks off)

(Five minutes after everyone leaves, Tuxedo Mask falls through the ceiling and crashes into the arena.)

Tuxedo Mask: Oh...pain...

(Kat, Sparky, and Vulpes happen to walk by and see him. Sparky and Vulpes sigh.)

Sparky: Dammit all...don't you EVER lose?

Kat: (Grins as she takes the Eye of Thundera) Not often. (Leaves)

Sparky: I'm never betting against her again.

Vulpes: I want a snow cone!

Sparky: But it's 0 degrees outside!

Vulpes: So?

Sparky: (Shrugs) Eh, nevermind.

********************

Starcatcher: Is that it? Besides the disclaimer saying we don't own any of the animes featured in the show, I mean.

Sparky: Nope. That's everything.

Kat: No fair! Sparky got to sing!

Director: You want to sing?

Kat: Yeah!

Director: I’m probably going to regret this, but fine...

Kat: YES!!!

Starcatcher: Just so you all know, Kat really did rewrite this song! It is HER creation, not mine. I’m just using it. THANKS KAT!!!

Kat: (Singing to the tune of “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”) Oh...

Andy got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from AD Christmas Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and the staff, we believe

He’s been drinking too much eggnog
And we told him he had to go
And we gave him too much medication
So we kicked him out the door into the snow

When they found him Christmas morning
At the scene of the attack
He had hoofprints on his forehead
And incriminating Claus marks on his back

Andy got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from AD Christmas Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and the staff, we believe

Everyone: (Begins snickering in the background)

Kat: And we’re all so proud of the Director
He’s been taking this so well
See him in there watching the chaos
Popping aspirin and yelling something we can’t tell

Director: HEY!!!

Kat: It’s a perfect Christmas without Andy
All the staff is celebrating
And we just can’t help but wonder
Should we open up his gifts or send them back?

All: SEND THEM BACK!!!

Kat: Andy got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from AD Christmas Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and the staff, we believe

Director: Is it over yet?

Everyone else: Nope.

Kat: Now the moose is on the table

Director: IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOSE!!! GET THAT MOOSE OFF THE TABLE!!!

Kat: And the pudding made of pig

Director: FIG! IT’S FIG!!!

Kat: And blue and silver candles
Matching the color of the Director’s wig!

Director: I DON’T WEAR A WIG!!!

Kat: We’re warning all our precious readers
Better watch out for yourselves
They should never give a license
To man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves

Andy got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from AD Christmas Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and the staff, we believe

All: Andy got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from AD Christmas Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and the staff, we believe

Everyone: (Cheers)

Kat: (Bows) Thank you! Thank you!

Director: I...HATE...YOU...ALL!!!