Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Koi wa Kurushimi ❯ To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"--- ( Chapter 2 )

Koi wa Kurushimi
By Djinn Hashiba-Maxwell

And indeed there will be a time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?" --
Time to turn back and descend the stair

- The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
- T.S. Eliot

* * *

Seiji woke early the next morning. It had been discovered during the night that one of the archer sentries had had his throat slit, obviously by the intruder. The chief of the guards had said he'd find a replacement, but Seiji's standards were high, and he didn't fully trust the young guard captain to meet them.

The guard returned with three men who fancied themselves sharpshooters. By name, they were Kodan, Sutemi, and Tsumetai. Seiji auditioned them.

They left disheartened and jobless - they failed to meet Seiji's expectations.

It was almost dinner time when another archer showed up, rattling the gates. "Hey! Anyone here?" A strangely familiar voice called. Seiji, being the only one around, when to see what it was.

A young, unhealthily slim boy leaned against the wall the gate was set in, long blue hair bound in a somewhat messy braid. His features were so soft and delicate that at first glance Seiji thought him a woman. He wore a dark blue kimono, and the contrast made his already pale flesh look almost white. The smile he flashed Seiji lit his face, and Seiji was struck by a thought that had not invaded his mind in many years.

//My god. He's beautiful.//

"Kon'nichi wa, niisama! Heard you needed an archer."

//He's too thin.// Seiji thought. Aloud, her said, "You consider yourself skilled?"

"Actions speak louder than words." The blue-haired responded. "Why don't you give me a try?"

Seiji hesitated for a moment, not knowing why he did so, and then unlocked the gate to let the slightly smaller boy inside. The blue haired brushed against him in a way that seemed almost purposeful as he entered, but Seiji couldn't be sure.

"Well, let's see what you can do, ne?" Seiji said. "What's your name?"

"Rowan." He said quickly. "Shuu Rowan."

Seiji raised an eyebrow. "At all related to Shuu Rei Fuan?"

"Hai! He's my cousin." Shuu Rei Fuan was a famous general in the Imperial army, the youngest ever to hold such a rank, being only seventeen. It was said that he had never lost a single man under his command. Touma could get away with using his name as an alias for two reasons. One, the Shuu family was so large that no one could keep track of all of them, and two, and more importantly, Touma had grown up with Rei Fuan, the eldest of the Shuu children. Although no one knew this but Touma and Shuu Rei Fuan himself.

"Well, if you are a Shuu, perhaps you will do well." Seiji commented, handing him a bow and quiver. "Do you see the targets down there?" There were four, each further back than the last. "I want you to hit all four, as fast and accurate as you can."

"Hai!" Touma tested how taut the bowstring was, before taking an arrow and putting it to the string. As soon as the first arrow had flown he almost immediately had another flying to the second target. All in all he hit all four targets, dead center, in under ten seconds. "Adequate?" He asked Seiji.

Seiji tried not to look impressed. "Adequate." He replied. "But you might need to fight up close. How are you with a sword?"

"Passable, with a light sword." He responded. "Shall I demonstrate that as well?"

Seiji almost said yes, but then took in the paleness of the boy's flesh and the slight tremor of his delicately fingered hands. It occurred to Seiji that Rowan might not be well. "Are you cold?" He asked.

"Poor circulation, niisama. It's more noticeable on account of the weather." He replied. He hid his shaking hands in his sleeves, mildly embarrassed. "Would you like to see me work with a sword?"

"Not tonight. It's late." Seiji stated. "Be my guest for dinner, and stay the night here." He motioned towards the interior of the compound.

The younger boy smiled at that, shaking hair out of his eyes. "Thank you, sir. I haven't had a good meal in days."

Seiji looked him up and down, then turned away as he replied, "You look it."

* * *

The meal was excellent. Touma hadn't lied about not eating well in days, and egg drop soup, white rice, crisp noodles, fried vegetables and an excellent quality saké got him feeling very healthy. He had even, upon asking, been guided to the bathhouse. He dared not strip, for fear of revealing the bandages on his left arm, but he opened his kimono and rolled up his sleeves as far as he dared to wash of the dust of his lifestyle.

"Rowan, I believe we have a place for you." Seiji said, pretending not to hungrily observe every inch of skin Touma exposed. He saw Seiji's eyes go slightly wide as he pulled his kimono up to the tops of his thighs. //I wonder if that place is in your bed?// Touma smirked silently.

If he wanted in Seiji's bed, or Seiji in his, there was no doubt in Touma's mind that he could get it.

"Then I am to be hired?" He asked, slipping on his 'innocent' mask.

"On a trial basis." Seiji amended. "We are on alert, so it is important that we have every position filled."

Touma flashed him a smile that Ryo assured him would turn grown men to jelly as he stretched. Seiji forced himself to look away. That answered Touma's question at least; Seiji already wanted him, and badly. "Well," Touma said lowly, his voice purposeful, "I hope I prove to be the man for you."

Seiji swallowed; he would have to be a fool not to recognize the invitation in that statement. "I'm sure you will prove to be a great asset." He murmured, and turned. "I'll be in the courtyard. I'll show you to your room when you are done."

"Thank you." Touma smiled. The smile fell once Seiji was out of sight. His hands, which he had stilled by pure will, began to shake again. The story he had told about poor circulation was true, but at the moment, it was blood loss that was causing his hands to shake. He pulled his kimono down over his shoulder to see a thin line of red appearing on the thick white bandage. He sighed. Ryo's skill with medicine was above reproach, but he could not work miracles. Touma knew that it was pure will power which kept him on his feet. That, he laughed, and a good amount of the opium he had finally deigned to take. His tolerance for the stuff was good; it deadened the pain without making him woozy.

He quickly redressed and headed to the courtyard. Seiji waited there as he had promised, practicing sword forms. Touma paused to watch. //Damn. He might even be better than Ryo.// He thought.

"Excuse me, niisama." Touma said. "I am finished."

Seiji paused in his exercises, then lowered his blade. "Good." He said. "Follow me."

* * *

The room was small, purely functional. A futon, a chest of drawers for his non-existent clothes. He would have to bring a few things up from the ruins tomorrow. And maybe, if he was feeling charitable, he'd let Ryo see him. He smiled to Seiji. "This is more than I deserve, Date-kyo."

"You may call me Seiji." The blonde replied. "By regulations, no one besides yourself is permitted to be alone in your room with you, without my say so, or that of the guard's captain.

Touma nodded. "That is quite fair, but I do not expect to ever have any visitors."

Seiji looked skeptical. "No family? No friends? No -- lovers?"

Touma smiled at the last. "I had a lover for a long time. But he left me, almost a year ago. I have yet to find the right person to replace him."

Seiji was more than a little surprised at this open admission of something many considered unseemly - having a lover of the same gender. True, such things were far from uncommon, but they were not typically spoken of aloud. "I am very sorry to hear that." Seiji murmured. "Konban wa, Rowan."

Touma bowed. "Konban wa, Seiji."

* * *

Seiji was sitting on the roof as usual the next day, with his legs dangling off the edge. He closed his eyes and let the sunlight tan his pale skin; the chance of attack during the daylight hours was slim.

"You look relaxed." A voice said above him.

Seiji turned to the young blue-haired boy straddling the point of the roof above him. His kimono was short, exposing a wide expanse of slightly tanned legs and wiry, flexible muscle. Seiji felt his palms itching with the desire to reach out and touch that flesh; to trace his hands up tanned thighs and higher ...

"It's a lazy sort of day, ne?" Touma continued, shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked up. "Too bad I get the feeling it's going to be a busy night."

Touma let Seiji take that however he wanted.

"I need to go into town today." Touma went on. "To retrieve my things." He looked to Seiji. "Is that all right?"

"Fine." Seiji responded succinctly. "Just be back before nightfall."

Touma smiled. "Of course! It's not like I have anywhere else to be." Touma slid down the roof beside Seiji. "Will you instruct me as to my duties tonight?" He asked, his voice low.

"The guard will instruct you. "Seiji said irritably, annoyed with his own reaction to the younger boy. "I am only a mercenary."

"Gomen." Touma bowed. "I did not mean to offend you." He slid to the edge of the roof and dropped off easily, removing himself from Seiji's line of sight.

Seiji shook his head fiercely. Gods, where had his control gone? He had met beautiful people before, of both genders; practiced flatterers and shameless flirts, men and women who showed what they had and got what they wanted. But none of them had had this effect on him. He was so close to taking the boy right there on the roof, and damn the consequences.

Seiji couldn't put his finger on what it was. Was it the innocence? No, it couldn't be, not entirely. His manner was so complex; at times he seemed to be trying to seduce him, but such moments seemed to pass so quickly that Seiji couldn't be sure that he hadn't imagined it, yet not quickly enough that they didn't imprint themselves on Seiji's memory.

Wet and half dressed, //I hope I prove to be the man for you.//

Eyes shining in the darkness, //I haven't found the right person to replace him yet.//

And just now, sprawled across the roof, //I get the feeling it's going to be a busy night.//

And so flippant about having a male lover. Something most sensible men would be ashamed of, would have the good taste to keep discrete. Rowan did not even seem to care. And his apathy made Seiji wonder why he cared, he who neither wanted nor needed anyone's approval but his own.

These thoughts were not helping. Seiji sighed and closed his eyes.

* * *

"Hi honey, I'm home!" Touma called mockingly.

Ryo spun from his sword forms in undisguised surprise. "Touma!" Then a scowl. "Where have you been?"

"Same place as before." Touma replied. "Only this time I actually have a plan." He smirked.

Ryo scoffed. "'Plan'? Who are you going to get to fuck you?"

Touma was taken aback by the tone. "Excuse me?"

"Don't play dumb, Touma." Ryo said easily. "You'd fuck anything with two legs if you thought it'd get you somewhere. You're everybody's bitch."

He was rather surprised by the right cross. He spun around almost completely around, palms smacking on the hard packed earth, biting the inside of his cheek, filling his mouth with blood. Touma only said two words.

"Not yours."

He scooped up his meager belongings and left without further comment.

* * *

"This is all you own?"

Touma spun around, immediately prepared for a fight, before he realized who had spoken.

"Kami, Seiji! You scared the shit out of me." He smiled.

"This is it?" Seiji repeated, looking skeptically at the sword, bow, quiver and leather body armor spread out on the floor. "This is all you have?"

"No; there's this too." Touma tossed the blonde a leather pouch; it contained a needle and thread, a long length of bandage, cobwebs (to staunch bleeding) and a small vial of liquid. Seiji puzzled over the last.

"It's opium." Touma explained. He laughed at the look Seiji gave him. "Come on, be serious. If I were an addict, I'd have a lot more than that on hand, ne? It's just a painkiller." He took the bag back and stowed it in one of the drawers. "And in answer to you question, yes. This is all I have. What else would I need?"

Seiji raised an eyebrow. "What about clothes?"

Touma gave him a rather odd look. "I'm wearing some."

"What about when those get dirty?" Seiji persisted.

A shrug. "Then I'll take a bath."

Seiji could see that he wasn't getting anywhere. He sighed through his nose. "Rowan. You need more than one set of clothes." He said. "And I'll get you a set of the guard uniforms. You'll need one when you start doing duty."

Touma nodded. "All right. Is that all I'll need from you?" He phrased the question as a invitation, his voice went slightly lower but his eyes stayed wide and guileless. Let him take it as he wanted.

"You can start working tonight." Seiji said, sounding slightly uncomfortable and looking away. "We don't expect to have any trouble, but keep on your feet just the same."

Touma laughed as he bowed slightly. "Always!"

* * *

Ryo was pacing, as was his custom when he was agitated.

He had been angry with Touma earlier. Angry because, once again, he'd run off without warning.

But on top of that, he could admit it. He was jealous.

Touma lacked the typical perspective that sex was an almost sacred thing. To him, it was in itself an utterly valueless commodity, useful only for the pleasure it could provide, and those would trade him for it, or be controlled by it, were perfect patsies. The long and short of it was that he'd let the devil himself fuck him for a few ryou.

Ryo knew that, and because of this, it was probably unreasonable for him to expect Touma to be 'faithful' to him and only him. Touma saw sex and affection as not only separate entities, but to some extent mutually exclusive. It seemed to him that it was a lot harder to have sex with someone you cared about than it was to fuck a total stranger.

Touma thought the term 'make love' was the funniest joke ever created.

Luckily, Touma probably didn't have to ever worry about 'making love', Ryo decided, since he didn't truly care for anyone.

* * *

Touma crouched on the roof, the only light the glimmer of the half-moon. Across the courtyard from him was Mikitsuna's window. He was at such an angle that he could easily see the young girl peacefully sleeping inside. He could probably kill her with a single well-aimed bolt ... but he wouldn't. That is, not yet. It was barely even a day since he had first appeared here, and too many people had seen his face. He was patient; he could wait.

A flash of movement caught his eye. He leaned forward from his perch, straining to see in the gloom. He eyes and his aim were better than any of the other archers', so it was no surprise that only he caught the shadowed figure climbing up the trailing roses beneath Mikitsuna's window.

All it took was a single bolt, it slid right through the back of his neck. There was no doubt in his mind that the figure was another assassin, and Mikitsuna was his bounty.

He yelled the alarm, and soon the yard was lit with lanterns.

* * *

Djinn: The next chapter will be dedicated to the first person who can tell me the names of all five members of Dir en grey. You don't have to know the name of the original bassist, the current one is fine.

Kaiya: What's the point of that?

Djinn: Because I CAN!! ^__^

Nai: Oi ... she's drunk on her own sense of power again ...

Djinn: Oh yeah! I'm really inconsistent about ages ... get over it.