Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Where Am I and What Am I Doing Here?! ❯ In Which They All Get Thrown Around a Bit ( Chapter 4 )

Where Am I and What Am I Doing Here?!

 

KuroTsubasaNoTenshi

 

This chapter is rated: PG-13 for language and violence

 

Chapter 4: In Which They All Get Thrown Around a Bit

 

 

Caryn and Kate practically leapt out of the car upon reaching the foot of the volcano-mountain-thing. Amber followed at a much more sedate pace, choosing instead to walk shakily towards them, ghostly white and scared out of her wits. “Never again…” she muttered. “I'll walk if Caryn's driving.”

 

Caryn laughed and clapped her on the back. “Aw, come on Amber. I'm not that bad, am I?”

 

The shaken girl just stared. “I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE!”

 

“You were unconscious most of the drive anyway! What do you care?”

 

“…Caryn. Shut up or I'll go PMS on your ass.”

 

“You'll be fine,” Kate said, looking up the (mostly there) path up the volcano. “Ryo's floating face down in some lava right now. Think we should go get him?”

 

“Probably,” Caryn replied, taking Ryo's sword from Amber. “No sharp pointy things for you. Come on, some walking will do you some good.”

 

Amber's shakes died as the ascended the rocks. “You know, this is actually very healthy for us,” Kate said. “All this exercise will keep us fit and trim!” She grinned at Amber's answering groan.

 

“I hate the outdoors. I hate hiking. I hate chasing down freaks in so-called mystical armor. I hate this in general, and oh, yeah. I hate you two, too.”

 

Caryn and Kate just laughed. “Nah, you'll learn to love it,” they replied in unison.

 

Upon reaching the top of the volcano, they sat down on the edge and looked into the lava. “Is that him?” Katie asked, pointing to a hazy, indistinct figure floating what appeared to be face down. “At least he's wearing his armor,” she shrugged. “It'll protect him from the heat.”

 

“So how do we wake him up?” Amber asked, sipping water from one of the bottles from her bag.

 

“Chuck the sword at him?” Caryn guessed, taking the water from Amber and downing half the bottle in one go.

 

Kate took what was left from Caryn and drank most of it, pouring the rest over her head. “Pretty much. It's not like we can go down there and pull him up. You'd be burned to a crisp less than halfway down.”

 

“…I was kidding when I said to throw the sharp thing at the guy who wouldn't be able to see it coming, let alone defend himself against it if it were to impale him.”

 

Amber shrugged. “Oh well. Here goes.” She stood up, clutching the hilt of the sword like a javelin and sighting along it. “Aaaannnnd….heave!” she threw the sword with decent accuracy. They watched it for a while until it grew hidden in the haze. It was Kate who spotted the gleaming sword about a foot and a half away from Ryo's head, and she pointed to it.

 

“Let's hope it works,” Caryn said, rolling her eyes, “because we don't have another one to try it with.”

 

“Yeah, god forbid it doesn't,” laughed Amber, sitting back down. “How long is this gonna take?”

 

“Not too much lo-” Kate began, cut off by an evil and all-too-familiar cackle.

 

“Hahahahahahaha! I knew if I found the whelps I'd find the Ronin bitch!”

 

Yes, you guessed correctly, it was Anubis probably come to kill Ryo and kidnap and or also kill the girls.

 

Caryn sighed. “Oh god, not Queenie again.”

 

“You know, I like his armor,” Amber commented as they all stood up and turned to face him.

 

“Hey now, don't fall for the bad guy. That's so cliché and way too over done.”

 

“Shut up Kate; I just said I liked his armor. It's not like I'm fawning over him like you and Caryn did with the car.”

 

“His name is Bobit!” Caryn snapped.

 

“…” Anubis was confused again. Why weren't they screaming in abject terror? Wasn't that what usually happened when the innocent young girls were faced with the bad guy? Who were they, anyway? And why was he asking himself all these stupid questions? “Shut up!” He shouted at them irritably. His good mood was gone again. “I'm here to kill the little armored fag and either kill you three too, or kidnap you and take you to Talpa.”

 

“…Talcum?” (Caryn)

”I thought he said Tampa, really.” (Amber)

 

“Truthfully? I prefer Arago.” (Kate)

 

“Sounds like Aragorn.” (Amber)

 

“He was sexy.” (Kate)

“So was Legolas.” (Caryn)

 

“We're off topic, you know.” (Amber)

 

“Meh, who cares?” (Caryn)

 

“…I think Anubis does.” Kate pointed to the irate-looking drag quee—err, man in armor and smiled nervously. “Also, I don't think we should stand so close with our backs to an active volcano, you guys.”

There was a rumble and the three of them lost their balance, falling forward as a large, lava-dripping mass came over the side of the volcano dripping…well, lava.

 

“God dammit Ryo!” Kate yelled at him. “Took you fucking long eno-” her yelling turned into muffled squealing as she was hoisted, wrapped and gagged by kusari-gama (Anubis' weapon) chain. She struggled only to feel a chain tighten around her neck and she settled for screaming thankfully unintelligible curses at the evil person in question.

 

“Oh, fuckdammit!” Caryn screamed in frustration as she stood up.

 

“Let her go, Anubis!” Ryo said as the last of the lava dripped off of him. “She has nothing to do with our fight!”

 

“What fight?” Amber asked Caryn from behind the pissy protagonist. “They haven't done anything yet!”

 

“…I have no idea,” replied Caryn. “But if he doesn't save Whore and I have to, I'm gonna be pissed beyond belief.”

 

“So the child means nothing to you?” Anubis asked, his voice betraying what he was thinking to anyone with any intelligence.

 

…Poor Ryo was at a disadvantage. “I don't know her! Let her go, Anubis!”

 

“Okay.” Kate's eyes widened dangerously large as Anubis let her go…straight into the volcano.

 

…how cliché.

 

Kate's scream could be heard quite clearly as she fell. “ANUBIS YOU GAY ASS CORNER CRACKWHORE!!!”

 

Ryo watched her fall, looking angsty. “No!”

 

“SAVE HER YOU RETARD!” Caryn yelled at him, pushing Ryo off the edge into the volcano. “We can take care of Queenie!”

 

Ryo, at this point, had no choice but to save Kate. He stared at his armor as he fell, not paying attention to Kate yelling something at him. If he tried to save her in his armor…she'd burn almost immediately! Oh no, what was he going to do?! That was when something bounced off his head and he blinked stupidly at Kate, who had thrown her tube of chapstick at him.

 

“HEY ANGSTFUCK! TAKE THE ARMOR OFF, YOU IDIOT!”

 

Of course! If he takes off the armor, the girl would be fine! Ryo banished his armor and pointed himself straight down to fall faster and catch up to Kate. She reached up and he caught her hand, pulling her into the crook of one arm where she huddled and tried not to remember that she was afraid of heights as he fell his way towards the wall of the volcano and clung there before proceeding to make his way from ledge to ledge towards the top.

 

Meanwhile, Caryn and Amber had cornered Anubis with his back to the volcano and were slowly advancing on him menacingly. “Why'd you have to go and throw her in?” Caryn asked. “That was a stupid thing to do.”

 

“No we have to pay you back for hurting our friend,” Amber continued, her voice tight in false friendliness.

 

Anubis was slightly scared. These two girls were brandishing sharp, pointy swords that they looked like they could use in his direction and they didn't sound very happy at all. He looked around, trying to find an escape when up popped Ryo out of the volcano with the other girl in his arms. “Dammit!” he cursed, and disappeared into a swirling portal.

 

Kate, meanwhile, was coughing as she sat on the ground and Ryo tried to make sure she was okay. After a particularly shuddering cough, his hand slipped off her shoulder and down a bit. That was when Kate noticed that her ripped shirt had come untied and that Ryo probably wasn't planning on moving his hand any time soon. She glared at him and her eye twitched. “You…PERVERT!” she slapped him, hard, as Caryn and Amber got to them.

 

“I need to fix my shirt,” Kate complained to Caryn, and gratefully accepting the hoodie Amber offered to her.

 

“I have other clothes in my bag in the car, Kate. You can wear some of them,” Caryn replied, looking at Ryo nursing a rapidly bruising cheek. “Do you think you hit him hard enough?”

 

Kate glared. “If I had my way, he'd be unconscious and sterile.”

 

“Riiiiiight…” Amber sighed. “Let's just get back to the car so we can go collect the next armored fag.”

 

“Ronin, you mean?” Kate asked as she stood up, still coughing slightly.

 

“Armored fag, Ronin, same difference.”

 

“You're turning into an Anubis-fan girl, you know.”

 

Caryn laughed as Ryo stood, banished his armor, and caught up to them. “Hey, wait!” They paused with a collective eye roll.

 

“Who are you guys?”

 

Caryn blinked and looked around. “You're the only guy I see here.”

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

“I'm Amber, this is Caryn, and the one you were groping is Kate.”

 

“I wasn't groping her!”

 

“Liar,” the offended girl hissed.

 

“Look, how do you guys know about the armors? And why do you know my name?” Ryo asked as the girls kept walking. He followed them.

 

“It's a long story,” Kate replied. “Let's just say that we know more than we let on and leave it at that. Get in the car and let's go. Keys please.” She looked demandingly at Caryn, who tossed the ring of keys that had been in the ignition. She got into the driver's seat and the paused. “Shirt?” She asked, looking at Amber, who had climbed into the back.

 

Amber found Caryn's bag and passed it up to Kate, who dug through it and pulled out a baggy, long sleeved plain black shirt. She glared at Ryo, who had also climbed in. “Out,” she hissed, “or you'll be traveling in the trunk. In pieces.”

 

The black-haired boy scrambled out of the car as quickly as his sub-armor could carry him and stopped himself three yards away with his back to the car. Kate changed hastily and tossed her scrapped shirt back to Amber, along with the bag. She readjusted the seat (pulled it forward) and started the RX8. Caryn rolled down her window and called to Ryo. “Get in here or we're leaving without you!”

 

Scrambling back into the car, Ryo buckled himself just as Kate peeled off back towards the city. “Toyama better have a damn good car for me, or I'm gonna be pissed. There's no way in hell I'm taking Mia's jeep.”

 

Ryo was clinging to the seat next to Amber, who was doing the same thing. Kate was reckless, but only in the fact that she didn't care about what happened to anyone else on the road. She had very good control and liked to try tricks. Such as slamming on the breaks, turning 180 degrees and shifting to reverse as quickly as the clutch would let her, going down a highway for about five miles that way, before doing the reverse and going forward again.

 

Ryo and Amber were about to have heart attacks. Caryn was perfectly alright, having been in a car with Kate when she did this (and several other things) before. She was contemplating Kate's torn shirt. “I can fix this, if you want me to.”

 

“That would be absolutely awesome.”

 

“It comes with a price…”

 

“Oh?”

 

“I get to play.”

 

“Of course. I had expected that when you told me you could fix it.” Kate glanced in the rear view mirror at Amber and Ryo, who were white as sheets and stiff with fear. “Oh, get over it, you pansies. You aren't dead yet, right? You'll be fine.” She downshifted to make a turn (still managing to take it going 68 miles per hour) and there were two frightened squeals from the back as `Bobit', which Caryn had affectionately named the car, went up on its two left-hand wheels….and stayed that way for a minute before dropping down. Kate pouted. “This isn't a good trick car…the speed kit brings the sides down to low to do stuff like that without damaging the car after a while.”

 

Caryn shrugged. “You'll live, I'm sure.”

 

Ryo found his voice. “How the hell did you get your license?!”

 

Kate laughed. “I didn't!” She took a turn off the highway towards Toyama, shifting up again and causing Ryo's eyes to almost explode they were so wide.

 

“WHAT?!”

 

“I go for my test in August. I only have my permit, really.”

 

“BUT IT'S ONLY MARCH!”

 

Caryn laughed as well. “I actually have my license.”

 

“Then why the HELL aren't YOU the one behind the wheel!?”

 

“She's just as bad…” Amber threw in. “One of the only differences is that Kate does stupid shit like reverse going 90 miles an hour, or putting the car up on two wheels more often than Caryn does. And Caryn doesn't use the break…at least Kate downshifts…”

 

“So why the heck aren't you driving?”

 

“I only have my permit. Just got it in November. Besides, I don't know how to drive stick.”

 

“You mean we're stuck with them behind the wheel?” Ryo asked hopelessly. His face sank and he began to contemplate suicide. It would be a far quicker and less painless way to die…if he stayed in the car with Caryn or Kate driving, he'd probably die a slow, horribly painful death.

 

Amber sighed and reattached her hands to the seat edge. “I'm afraid so.”

 

“Don't worry, Ryo, you only have to deal with Caryn's driving. There is no way in hell you're getting in my car, you perverted sicko. You're lucky I let you actually get in Bobit. If you weren't so damn important, and I had my way-”

 

Caryn cut her off. “-You'd be riding tied to the bumper.”

 

Ryo squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered. “I'm not going to like this trip, am I?”

 

“Probably not,” Amber sighed, loosening her grip just slightly. She was adjusting to the drive now, so she'd be fine in a bit…unless Katie pulled another stunt, which she didn't doubt.

 

They reached Toyama without further incident, and Kate immediately slowed and began perusing the cars for a likely candidate.

 

“Why don't you just get out and look?” Ryo asked.

 

Glaring at him from out of the rear view mirror Kate hissed and continued her search, laughing internally at Ryo's frightened squeak.

 

~z0mg scene change!~

 

“Wow, Anubis. You sucked.” Dais chuckled, looking like a woman with uncontrollably frizzy hair.

 

Mental-Scarring-Man—I mean, Cale laughed along with him. “Pansy. You let the little girls beat you!”

 

Anubis sighed and endured the criticisms of his coworkers. He could put up with it…to a point.

 

“Damn,” OMGSNAKEMANWTF-boy…err…Sekhmet giggled (yes, he giggles), “they even woke up the Ronin whelp while you were being a pussy.”

 

“ANUBIS!” All four of them jumped to attention when a giant, hairy stag beetle's head-wait, sorry, I have just been informed that that was Talpa. Sorry. They all jumped to attention when Talpa's head (looking very much like a Stag Beetle) appeared. “LIKE, OMG WTF HAPPENED 2 U?”

 

Anubis sighed. He hated Angry Talpa, because he didn't speak very well. “I g-“

 

“-Got his ass kicked by girls,” Dais cut in.

 

Sekhmet had trouble not laughing. “Twice.”

 

“And failed to kill the flaming bitch,” Cale tacked on helpfully.

 

“U mofos stfu. Anubis! Wtf, man?!”

 

Heaving a sigh, Anubis prepared himself for the imminent mortal-wounding he was about to receive. “I…got my ass kicked by a trio of renegade girls and they revived the red armored fag before I could kill him.”

 

“Oh.” Now that Talpa was being coherent and comprehensible, Anubis guessed that he wasn't mad. Or, at least, was pretending he wasn't. “Don't let it happen again. So, which one of you salary-bitches wants to give the next one a try?”

 

“Ooh, ooh!” Sekhmet jumped up and down, waving his hand. “I'll do it, Master Talpa! Let me kill the stupid little boys…and the girls, too!”

 

“Yeah, whatever, you queer. Fail and your gay ass is SO toasted.”

 

“Y-Yes, Master Talpa. I won't screw up.” Sekhmet did the cool candle-go-out-disappear-thing and Talpa's head faded away. The other three stared at each other for a minute before deciding to follow the queer snake-man to see how badly he'd screw up.

 

~*~*~*~*

 

Kuro: Ehehehehe….I'm so going to get hit for this chapter. *ducks a random object thrown at her head* Soooooo much Ryo and Anubis bashing in this one. Hehehehehe. But it was FUN!!

 

Icchan: >_> Only until you get hit with a herring.

Kuro: Then I can go cut down the tallest tree in the forest! *blatant Monty Python reference*

 

Icchan: Not if I don't get to it first. I'm hungry for seafood.