Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ A New Light ❯ Chapter 4 ( Chapter 4 )

Thanks once more to all the people reviewing and encouraging me to continue! Sweatdrop…I'm feeling the pressure now…LOL But that's a good thing because I want to keep my readers happy and not let you all down! As I continue to write, be assured there will be more chapters to come, this fic is turning itself into a rather lengthy one…I intended it to be a one shot at first, but like always, my imagination tends to get carried away…I already have an idea for a continuation fic…but don't start holding your breath…I have to finish this one first….LOL Please continue to give me suggestions, correct mistakes, I greatly appreciate your interest in my fic! J Anyhoo, on with the story!

Chapter Four

Kaoru sat sewing on the dojo porch, enjoying the comfortable warmth of the afternoon sun. Summer was fast approaching and soon the heat would become nothing more than a nuisance, so she fully intended to make the most of the weathers current gentle state.

Megumi told her she should feel lucky to be in the first stages of carrying a child right now. The summer heat could make a pregnant woman utterly miserable, but as fortune would have it, Kaoru would pass the summer by her fifth month. She wasn't quite certain what Megumi meant, but would take her word for it, she was a doctor after all.

During the lengthy discussion they had several days ago, Kaoru learned many things about being pregnant and the majority of them were particularly unpleasant. Morning sickness, tender breasts, constant fatigue, aching joints, and stomach pains, just to name a few. The list was so long, Kaoru could not even begin to remember them all and she felt slightly skeptical when Megumi assured her that carrying a baby was a wonderful experience.

After talking for several hours, the doctor instructed her to open her robe and lie on her back. When Kaoru hesitated, Megumi huffed and told her she should lose her shyness and get use the exposure. Now that she was pregnant, monthly exams of this sort were going to be commonplace. Kaoru reluctantly complied and stared at the ceiling while the doctor gently probed her lower abdomen. "You're about a month and a half along, Karou," Megumi had told her.

Kaoru set down her sewing and put a hand on her belly, pressing softly. She let her fingers run along the smoothness, not certain what she was looking for and feeling a twinge of jealously when she didn't find it. The trained hands of the doctor made it look so easy to feel where the baby lay, it seemed unfair that Kaoru not.

She needed to feel something that would make it all seem real to her because at this point, Kaoru still found it hard to believe that there was actually a life growing inside her. Besides her morning sickness and fatigue, she certainly didn't notice any changes in her body or in the way she was feeling. She had envisioned being pregnant as a worldly experience, her entire persona wrapped around the tiny spark growing inside her, yet the reality of it felt like a nasty case of the flu.

It seemed strange that such a miracle happening within her went completely unnoticed for almost two months. Megumi blamed that on Kaoru's lack of perception and pointed out that the young girl had indeed missed her monthly cycles, a key sign of being with child. The doctor went on to explain how the two were related as Kaoru sat on her futon feeling like a complete idiot for not realizing it herself. She listened quietly as the lecture continued, silently thinking how none of it really mattered anymore, the act that made the baby was done, and she was indeed pregnant.

"Pregnant and unmarried," she thought to herself.

She found it strangely ironic that the one person who vowed to defend the honor of the family could very well be the one to destroy it. It was her own selfish actions that brought forth this possibility and she knew her father would not be too pleased with her. She could feel the tears sting her eyes as remorse stole over her like a dark shadow. She could not bear a burden so heavy if her secret ever went beyond the walls of the dojo.

She stood slowly and wiped the dampness from her eyes, resolving that there was nothing to do but place faith in Kenshin and pray they would be wed before the truth was discovered.

Glancing around the yard of the dojo, she was suddenly aware of how quiet it was. The solitude allowed Kaoru's fears and worries to crowd around her, and her home became a prison for an instant. She silently yearned for someone to come bursting though the gates, she didn't care who, anybody would do, just so long as they could take her mind off of her nagging guilt.

She stared at the tall wooden gate for a minute, as if willing someone to come in, but it was a futile attempt. It was only mid afternoon and the others would not return for quite some time. Yahiko was spending the afternoon with Tsubame, while Kenshin had left shortly after lunch stating he had a few errands to run and would not be home until close to dark.

A thought leapt into Kaoru's head and suddenly she was determined not to waste the rest of her day with fretful thoughts. She went to her room, grabbing a book and blanket, thinking of a special place by the river that her father use to take her as a small girl. The sun was still bright and the day was perfect to sit on the bank and read, surely that would lift her spirits and sooth her nerves.

"Looks like it's just you and me today," she whispered while gently brushing a hand against her stomach.

Smiling softly, yet feeling a bit silly, she hugged the blanket close to her and set out down the path that would take her to the river's edge.

***************

The sun was beginning to dust the treetops with a brilliant orange light as Kenshin tired to hurry along the dusty road that led back to the dojo. His haste wasn't necessary, but the groceries he carried were becoming unbearably heavy with each step. He had gone through far too much trouble to gather his wares and the idea of spilling them into the dirt did not set well with him.

As luck would have it, a hair fell into his face and tickled his nose. He snorted, trying to blow it away from the sensitive skin, but only managed to make it tickle more. He shifted the load in his left arm, trying to scratch the annoying itch with his shoulder.

"Kenshin, what are you doing?" a curious voice asked from behind him.

Kenshin looked up, his nose wrinkled in attempt to ward off the irritation, and saw Sano striding towards him. Seizing the opportunity, he shoved the tofu bucket he was carrying into Sano's hands, nearly dropping the rest of his packages as he frantically rubbed his face with the sleeve of his gi, sighing in relief, "Ah, thank you Sano."

The tall gangster gave him a funny look and pushed the tofu back into his hands.

Kenshin smiled sheepishly, "So what are you doing here?"

Sano absently reached out and pulled a long blade of grass from the side of the road and inserted it into his mouth. "What do you think I'm doing?" he asked, casting a sidelong glance at his friend.

"Going to the dojo," Kenshin replied, knowing his question was a silly one.

"Ya, and from the looks of those groceries, I picked a good day to have dinner with you guys."

Kenshin frowned, "Sano, you have dinner with us every night."

The lanky gangster would have to settle for rice and vegetables for tonight's supper. The groceries Kenshin had bought were not for tonight's dinner, instead he planned on making a large meal and inviting all their close friends over to announce the upcoming marriage between himself and Kaoru the following night. He hated to rush the fact, but that would leave him two weeks to prepare for the ceremony and gathering afterwards.

When Kenshin first heard the news about Kaoru's pregnancy, his initial reaction was to rush her to the nearest shrine and marry her that day, but in order to protect the honor of her family, he forced himself to wait patiently for the appropriate time. He was not interested in the sake of his own name, as far as he was concerned, it was tarnished the minute he became known as the hitokiri battousai, but Kaoru's represented everything pure, innocent, and good. It was his duty to protect her and uphold the family's integrity.

Kaoru was particularly quiet these past days, spending most of her time silently sewing or staring at the pages of some book, though not really reading or even seeing the words. Her mind was lost in another place and Kenshin was aware of the distance that had suddenly set itself between them. He wanted to comfort her, but in his heart he knew that words would not be enough. The only way to ease her mind was to bypass the threat that stood before them, and that notion alone cemented his resolve to perfect his scheme and uphold the virtue of the Kamiya name.

He did not regret the child that grew inside his Kaoru, yet he vaguely wished the time was more convenient and he rebuked himself for not bothering to think where their actions might take them. He would be thirty years old this summer but had behaved like an adolescent boy, unable to control his physical desires. Though Kaoru's beauty caused his heart to stop each time he looked at her, a man of his age should be able to refrain from acting upon his passions. "Well, what's done is done," he muttered to himself.

"What was that Kenshin?"

The swordsman jumped, totally forgetting that Sano was walking next to him. "Oh, it's nothing," he replied shakily and hastened his steps as they got closer to the dojo.

Kenshin smiled at the thought of his home. The word rolled around in his head, surrounded by emotions of warmth, security, and love. He couldn't ever remember having a home of his own before he came to Tokyo. Every place his life had taken him before he became a part of Kaoru's family was just a brief settling and never permanent. He came to realize that home was much more than just a place to sleep and eat, if that was the case, then he could say he very well indeed had many residences spanning all across Japan. Home was the center of a person's heart, a place where roots were planted and a one could feel like they truly belonged. He found it amazing that after ten long years of wandering, the hitokiri battousai, actually found a place such as that.

Sano slapped him hard on the back, snapping him back into reality. He managed not to drop his bundles and steadied himself, suddenly aware he was standing at the dojo gates.

"What the hell are you staring at Kenshin," the gangster's voice boomed as he pushed open the gate, "Quit spacing off already, I'm hungry!"

Kenshin followed Sano into the yard, "I'm home!" he shouted.

Nothing. Only complete silence welcomed him. He tried again but with no avail.

He could vaguely remember Yahiko saying something about going to work at the Akabeko and coming home late, but he couldn't remember Kaoru mentioning anything about leaving the dojo today. Surely he wouldn't forget if she did tell him about any plans.

He followed Sano into the kitchen, surveying the grounds before him quietly. As he entered the kitchen, he set the groceries down and proceeded to check the bedrooms and training hall.

"Hey Kenshin," Sano's voice echoed from the kitchen, "Where's Jou-chan?"

Kenshin slid the door of Kaoru's room shut quietly and re-entered the kitchen, "Did you see a note?"

Sano frowned at the tone in Kenshin's voice but shook his head slowly.

It was far too late in the day for Kaoru to be out alone, dark was already beginning to claim the sky and it was not like her to leave with out notifying someone of where she was going or what she was doing.

Fear snaked through him, piercing his heart with icy tendrils and numbing his flesh to the bone. Slowly, it evolved itself into pure panic, more intense than any emotion he'd ever known. His mind forced a barrage of images through his skull, his entire past thrust upon him in a matter of seconds. Jineh, Saitoh, Aoshi, Shishio, Enishi, too many memories of battles that put the ones he cared for most into danger. Too many times his past managed to find him and forced him to fight for the sake of friendship and love. Something in his head cried out he was foolish for even imagining a man such as himself could find true peace and that his false sense of security made him far too careless.

His rationality exploded inside his head as the fierce protectiveness he closed off long ago raged in his veins at the slight possibility his woman, and what she now carried, could be in danger. "Not again. Please, not again," he thought violently.

"No. More." Each word his uttered was punctuated with a wicked hiss.

Sano stepped back from the samurai, "Shit, he looks just like that time he fought Saitou," Sano thought, "What the hell is going on?" Sano was aware that the hitokiri in Kenshin would never truly die, it was a large part of his personality. Instead, Kenshin buried the hitokiri long ago into the depths of his mind, relying on a his new found peace to keep his heart free of the anger that allowed the killer to reside there, but now the Battousai stood before Sano, boarding on the verge of hysteria. "This is the second time I've seen it this week," he thought to himself, "Is he losing control?"

"Hey, Ken…" Sano started, but his words dropped out of the air as the sakabatou made a sharp hissing sound leaving its sheath. Kenshin stood poised, listening to a sound that only a trained killer could possibly hear.

Yahiko came flying into the kitchen, only to find his nose at the point of Kenshin's sword. "What the…" he stuttered, his eyes following the blade up its length until he met the golden gaze of the Battousai. The young boy froze, unable to move in his fear and confusion.

Sano quickly yanked Yahiko away from the sword, crushing him in his arms, "What the hell is your problem," he shouted, "Shit Kenshin, you could have killed him!" He pushed the boy behind him.

The swordsman's brow twitched slightly, "I've got to find Kaoru." With amazing speed he exited the kitchen a darted down the hall.

Yahiko clutched the back of Sano's jacket, trying to calm his trembling body and steady his watery legs. "What the hell just happened," he whispered.

Sano shook his head, just as bewildered and perplexed as the boy, "We better follow him. He's gone completely nuts this time."

Luckily, Kenshin did not make it any further than the dojo yard before Megumi and Karou came walking in, giggling, and lost in some girlish conversation. The two women stopped short upon seeing Kenshin, Yahiko, and Sano. They slowly took in the distressed looks upon the two younger men's faces, and both gasped at Kenshin's fierce scowl. The amber glint bore into the women, and they glanced at each other in confusion.

"What's going on here," Kaoru asked, eyeing the sword that hung slack in Kenshin's hand. She could not longer see his face, his head had dropped to his chest and red bangs shadowed his features, yet she could almost taste the hostility that emulated from his body. "Kenshin?" She stepped forward slowly, noting Sano's brief movement to stop her.

Her voice sent Kenshin crashing back to reality as relief replaced his heated panic. He moved quickly to her, enveloping her in a compressing embrace, his sword falling to the ground with a sharp clang. He could not control the tremors that rocked him as he held her tightly, thanking the gods that she was okay. He did not care if the others witnessed him behaving like a terrorized child, all that mattered was his Kaoru alive and unharmed along with… "The baby, " he whispered, moving a hand to touch her belly.

Kaoru stood motionless in his arms, trying to piece together just what went on to cause Kenshin's irrational fear. She had never seen him so unnerved before and it was apparent something had frightened him to the point of absolute panic. It was not like her samurai to loose his head in such a way, but whatever it was, it had the power to recall the hitokiri from the depths of his mind.

She pulled away from him, but fingered the collar of his gi, "Kenshin, tell me what happened." Her voice was gentle and coaxing, like a mother assuring her child that he would not be punished for speaking the truth.

Kenshin grasped the hands that ran along his collar and pulled them to his chest, "Gone…you…the baby…I thought," he managed to choke out.

Kaoru felt her heart break for him. She couldn't possibly understand what it was to live in a life of pain and tears for so long, then be handed opportunity to taste the complete opposite, only to live in constant fear that it could suddenly be ripped away. The thought never occurred to her that Kenshin would be unable to separate the two very different lives he had lived. His hitokiri days still haunted him and over shadowed his new happiness with worries, never really allowing him to obtain true peace in his heart. The new events of his life compounded his fears, and the stakes were suddenly higher with his child growing inside her. He allowed the battousai to emerge from the depths of his mind in the form of fierce protectiveness for his new family.

"Oh, Kenshin," she sighed, ignoring the yellow glint in his eyes as she cupped his face in her hands, "You have to stop doing this to yourself. Look, we're fine, see?" She held her arms out to make her point clear.

"I came home and you were gone, " he started, his voice quiet, but shaken, "I was afraid…" He could not bring himself to finish his words, even speaking them was too painful. He could not bear the thought of someone taking his soon to be wife and child away from him. It happened twice before, once with Tomoe, another with Kaoru, a third time would surely split his spirit in two.

Kaoru put her hands on her hips and took a more authoritative tone with him, knowing how stubborn her swordsman could be when he got a notion in his head. "Kenshin, you can't be with me all hours of the day. I'll let you know right now, if I have to come home to things like this each time I decided to go out on my own, I may very well borrow Megumi's leash and lead you around like a misbehaving puppy." She was partially serious, the fright he had given her tonight was enough to make any woman leery of leaving her man unattended for any length of time.

Kenshin hung his head, knowing her words rang true. He could not follow her around like a shadow all day, nor would that be fair. He wanted to protect her, not drive her insane.

"Silly baka," she whispered, "Stop this nonsense, or you'll drive all three of us mad." She pulled him close and felt him relax against her hair, sighing deeply.

Sano watched the couple, completely astounded how the tiny woman scolded the battousai like a delinquent child. Even more shocking was how he stood there, unmoving, allowing himself to be subdued by her chiding words. Sano shook his head, deciding that the gods indeed had a strange sense of humor.

Yahiko, on the other hand, moved closer to the couple, his brows knitted together in deep thought. "What's this about a baby?"

Kenshin and Kaoru froze, while Megumi's hand flew to her mouth.

Gak! I had the hardest time writing this chapter and I still hate it! I swear, I was ankle deep in wadded up paper by the time I finally decided just to type it out and leave it alone…so don't hate me for a horrid chapter, I've already been punished enough! JThe biggest fear in a new parent's life is losing the child, even if it's not born yet. To those who have kids, we all know what new worries a baby brings (along with the joy)….I'm not going to do too much explaining here, in fear I make things worse, but I apologize for the length of this chapter, I planned on cutting it in half, but in my frustration I decided to leave it be and get it all over with….LOL….There will be more to come….