Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Into the Scenery... ❯ Waiting For Lightening... ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

I never asked for any of this.

I was perfectly content to live my life of petty anger and empty vengeance, until it's bitter end. Zanza, the gangster-for-hire, wielder of the mighty Zanbatou. A pathetic, broken fragment, in a life of might-have-beens...

I went out a-wandering
Beneath an unknown sky
The heavens all shook violently
He caught my eye

He's so beautiful... Both in spirit and in face...

His eyes are innocent, and yet, they carry wisdom far beyond his 28 years... His smile is gentle, and knowing, while being a thousand things in between. He readily accepts any answer I have to give, even if he knows it to always be the wrong one...

He is very much like his beloved sakabatou, unusual in design, yet profoundly beautiful in shape and form. His soul has become a weapon, but one used only to protect.

...If only my lips could form the poetry I design in my mind... I'd make a writer yet, with him as my inspiration.

He saved me from that fragment I'd been gutting myself with. He showed me a better way to prove my ideals to the world... I don't have to kill anyone anymore to honor you, Taichou...

Now I, too, may protect those weaker than myself... And stand beside him, or back to back, rather than against...

Strange fruit fell
It struck me to the core
My heart became a single flame
It wanted nothing more

Now, in the darkest hour of night, I can whisper the truth, despite all of my lingering doubts...

...I love him...

I want more than just his beautiful body. (But who am I kidding? After all, who wouldn't want that beautiful, lovely form, wrapped, spent, in their arms, every night?).

I love his kind heart, and his noble spirit.

In soul, he is much like you, Taichou... I think that you would like him... (That you would...).

...You two could talk about peace.

Stranger, enter from the East
Stranger, step inside this place
Oh, and own me... Own me...

And though I realize I barely know him, I still crave his presence.

I want him by my side. I want him in my bed. (The sex would be great). I want his approval. (I like myself, when he makes me try). I want to run my fingers through his hair. (I bet it feels like silk). I want him to love me back. (Sano, you're a fool).

(Oh, Rurouni... Why can't you still wander? I can deal with the pain of you leaving me... If only you leave soon... ...If this goes on any longer, I'll have to tell you...

I cannot accept your refusal. I can't.

The gentle, maddening smile. Your perfect, accepting tone... "Oh, Sano..." ...like a mother, amused by her child's innocent stupidity.

...I may not know you; Kenshin, but you don't even see me at all...).

The clock became a bullet hole
Cruel and unkind
It hurt me with its second hand
Alone, another night

I hear the clock in the marketplace, far away, as it strikes the hour.

I hate clocks.

They remind me of the time I've wasted. Of the life I've spent alone.

...Na... I wonder what Kenshin would say, if I told him that I want him. Would he be angry? Or would he only pity me? Which one would cut me deeper?

"Oh, Sano..."

or,

"Leave, Sanosuke."

...I would rather have his hatred, than his pity.

Stranger, enter from the East
Stranger, step inside this place...

Why must I always do these things to myself?

Why must I always want everything that I can never have?

...Oi, Taichou... What would it take to make him love me?

What would it take to make him leave me alone?

You... Is that you...?
Well, don't bother knocking on my door this time...

I suddenly lay still, waiting to hear the gentle knock once more.

Slowly, I make my way over to the door.

"Sano? ... Are you awake, degozaruyo?" The muffled reaches me through the door.

I open it. "What are you doing here?" I growl as harshly as I can.

Violet eyes peer up to mine, impossibly wide in the darkness. "I am sorry, degozaru. Were you sleeping?"

I know that he can tell that I wasn't.

I lie anyway. "Yeah, I was. What is it?"

"I am very sorry, degozaru. I could not sleep, so I went for a walk. I... I was lonely."

"That you were. So ka."

"May I come in?"

You... Go be true to someone else
There's no room inside these empty rooms

Why is it that he only comes to see me when he's lonely? (Maybe he can see that you are, too...).

This is the third time this month.

Each time, he knocks on my door, and then sits in my floor, hugging his knees like a child. We talk for hours about nothing, and finally, he sleeps. holding himself locked protectively in his own arms.

I could keep him safe in my arms, as well...
...I wish he wouldn't come here like this...
...I wish he wouldn't act so helpless, and so unbearably sad...
...I wish he would just stay at Jou-chan's, or just leave...
...I wish he didn't make me love him, even as I realize that he can never be mine...

My heart has four empty rooms
Three wait for lightening, and one waits for you...

I hear a soft, sniffling sound from the corner.

I look up, shocked. Is Kenshin crying ?

He sits in the floor, knees drawn up, beneath him. He is rubbing his face with the back of one thin wrist.

(Shit! He is crying!).

Slowly, I kneel in front of him, and pull him into a gentle embrace. He buries his face in my chest, even as I loose myself in his hair. It does feel like silk!

I must have you all to myself
Feel the full weight of your skin

I can feel his breath against my chest, coming in short, choked sobs, as his small, thin hands clutch miserably at my waist.

My own arms are wrapped around his back and shoulders, and I can feel invisible muscles relaxing under my hands.

I've never wanted to kiss him so badly in all of my life. In my mind, I can see myself pressing our lips together fiercely, and then... undressing him... and pushing him back, onto the sleeping mat...

But no. He needs me now, to hold him. To be his friend. And nothing... nothing more.

I'll hollow out my insides
To place you in

Finally, as his tears subside, I lean back, rolling onto the sleeping mat, bringing him with me. He settles against my chest, clinging to me like little Suzumi-chan or Ayanami-chan would.

Gently, I run my fingers through his hair. He sighs, and hugs me tighter.

"Kenshin...?" I question softly, not quite sure what it is I mean to ask.

"Not tonight, Sano... Not tonight." He whispers.

Deciding to leave it at that, I slowly even out my breathing, pretending to sleep. The ruse works, and soon, he is asleep in my arms as well.

I watch him slumber, for a long time. Suddenly, I realize his eyes are open, and he is watching me, too, from beneath thick bangs of scarlett.

I can see the sadness in his eyes. Can he see the love in mine?

We both close our eyes quickly, pretending to have not seen...

Stranger, enter from the East
Stranger, step inside this place...

At dawn, he leaves me.

No mention is made of the tears, or the words, or the nightlong embrace. He merely thanks me for allowing him to sleep here, and goes out slowly.

I watch him trudge down the hill, hating myself for loving this beautiful man, who can't see me at all...

Oh, and own me, own me, own me...

Quietly, I whisper the words, and the wind kisses them away...

"I love you, Kenshin..."

Owari


Glossary:

Zanza: name Sano used as a fighter-for-hire
Zanbatou: Sano's big-assed buster sword
Sakabatou: Kenshin's reverse-blade sword
Taichou: captain... as in Captain Sagra, of the Seikihoutai
Rurouni: wanderer... Sano often refers to Kenshin with this
Jou-chan: literally, 'little missy' ...Sano's nickname for Kaoru
Degozaru: an old-fashioned reaffirmative used by samurai... Kenshin's little verbal quirk
So ka: 'is that so?'