Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Kenshin Parody, Book 2 ❯ Chapter 22

 

“Ayyyy, no need to swear, Captain Crunchberries the third!” cried Jenny, head poking out from the bush. “Jesus Christ, put some clothes on. I mean, man! Your schlong is liable to poke some boy's eye out!”

 

Meanwhile, Aoshi's schlong was doing just that. Yahiko stood there with 9 feet of manhood directly in his eye. “Ow! What the hell! Why is it so big?!”

 

“Damn, papa dun got some of his Niagra!” Kelly yelled, jealous as all shitty.

 

“Oh my, I'm so sorry.” Aoshi politely turned and took out about five villagers and their rice paddies. “Oh my, sorry…SORRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

“No need to holla, Shinomori,” Saito said, jumping over his Yahiko-poker like he was trying out for the Olympics. Fuckin' Paul Hamm over heah. “Bling bling!”

 

Kelly surveyed the damaged done by Aoshi's javelin. “Took out `bout 12 chinks and a woman.”

 

“That shit was wrawng!” Jenny said with major blackittude.

 

One of the injured turned over, moaning painfully. “Kill whitey!”

 

“Okay, enough. My junk is all over the place, and this sock isn't doing a damn thing,” Saito said, striking a match on his ass and lighting himself a cigarette.

 

It suddenly smelled like sulfur and arse.

 

Kelly spied with her little unpoked eye the remote. “Pssst, Jenny. You see what I see?”

 

Jenny's face was pressed between Saito's ass cheeks. “Mhat?”

 

“Now who's got anal action fantasies?” Kelly plucked Jenny from Saito's manhole. “You moron, the remote!”

 

Saito's eyebrow went up up and away. “What are you talking about, aho?”

 

“I'm talking `bout Seinfeld, nigga! You know, Elaine, George, Jerry, and Kramer! Poppop chicka chick pop!” Kelly explained, trying to imitate the theme. “Besides, it's none of your goddamned business, you…Sanosuke-lovin', man-handlin', Captain Picard lickin', Butterball turkey rollin', manhole fingerin', anal lube drinkin', unflushed toilet!”

 

“What is your fascination with my ass?”

 

“It's Jenny's fascination. I just want the damned remote.”

 

“The remote?”

 

“Jenny!! Stop, drop, and ROLL! Bitch!” Kelly yelled, doing just that. She rolled towards the remote, kicking up more dust than yo mama's bed.

 

“What are you doing? There ain't no fire!” Jenny questioned, looking retarded and clueless, as usual. “Ahhhdeeeeeh?”

 

Saito knew what was happening, so he also took Kelly's advice and `stopped, dropped, and rolled'. At that exact same moment, `hung like a bastard' Aoshi, decided to see what all the hullabaloo was about, and turned. His wangalang whacked Jenny across the face, blinding her. “Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick, blind the bitch, blind the bitch!” Aoshi sang.

 

Kelly and Saito rolled with a vengeance after the remote. Kelly reached out and grabbed it, but not before Saito put his cigarette out on her recently injured finger (she's a klutz).

 

“Owwww! Whatinell! That was some underhanded bullsheeeeit!” Kelly cried, releasing the remote and proceeding to beat the holy Babyface Nelson out of the man. “Didn't I tell ya? Didn't I? Do not fuck with a white woman's injured finger! I'll kick your goddamn ass back to Mongolia, you back alley yokel! Awww shit, how'd you like that? And that? After I'm done with you, ain't no woman gonna want you. You're gonna look like a Michael Jackson operation gone horribly right!” Kelly was throwing knees and elbows, sitting on top of Saito's limp form.

 

“OMG! What are you doing, Kelly?” Jenny stumbled around, feeling the ground for them. “Why I always gotta be Ray Charles in these fics? Keeeeeelly! Leave Saito-chan aloneeeee! He's harmless!”

 

“Harmless my nekkid ass! He just burned the shitake out of my finger with his bad habit!”

 

“Hey, the po-lice are comin'! Look!” Jenny pointed up at the sky.

 

“What are you babbling about now, you Ray Charles imposter?”

 

“Fujita-san? Is that you?” asked a man.

 

“Huhhhhh?” Saito lifted his head about two inches off the ground before giving up. “It's so…Fo'Head…I mean, bright…”