Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Shards of Me ❯ Softly in the Night ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki. The main plotline of this story is completely fictional. Situations should in no way be considered truthful or based on real events. Political opinions expressed in the story are mine. If you do not agree with said opinions, do not flame me for them. Do no stoop so low as to berate me for what I hold to be truthful. Some smaller side stories may be based on factual events. I will alert you if they are.

 

Shards of Me

 

Chapter I: Softly in the Night

 

There was a lone girl waiting on the train platform as the clock struck one. She huddled in her coat as a steady wind rushed past her face from the chill night. The single working attendant watched her warily. She didn't look homeless. Her long black hair was clean and pulled into a high ponytail. Her clothes, though not designer label, were tidy and well-kept. As she turned her profile towards him, he noted a fair complexion and determined blue eyes, but she turned away as a forlorn and far-off whistle echoed through the glaring white tunnel.

 

Out of the darkness, the girl could just make out a bright headlight, steadily approaching. Again she wondered why he'd chosen to come home this way, instead of by plane to the recently built airport. Her hands twisted nervously. None of her other friends had come along to meet him.

 

Sano was working tonight. He'd managed to land a job at a night club as a well-paid bouncer. Megumi was out of town to study a new type of invasive surgery. Misao and Aoshi had taken off for a two week vacation in the Himalayas. Yahiko was not allowed to be around and about at this hour, and she would not bend the rules, even for this. Kaoru was the only person free to see him come home. She twisted the letter he'd sent her nervously, glancing down again to check and make sure she had the right time and place.

 

The train was getting closer now, slowing down. She could make out some details, only slightly inkier than the blackness of the night. She could hear the clack of its wheels against the track. As the engine pulled into the station, butterflies erupted in her stomach.

 

She had not seen him in three years—three years of pure agony. They'd corresponded, but not much. Too often he was in a place where letters couldn't reach. When they did manage to communicate, it was always with a current of uneasiness, even in the written word. He told her nothing of what he was doing and she told him nothing of how much her heart was slowly tearing her apart. She could still remember the day three years ago when he'd come to her, alone at 2:30 in the morning, well aware she was still awake because Kaoru, as a rule, didn't sleep if she didn't have to.

 

She started at a gentle knock on her apartment door. Only one person would come to call this late, and that was because he knew her too well. She stood, setting aside the bag of popcorn she'd been munching while she wrote her summer term paper. As she'd known, he was standing at the door. But something was different. Instead of looking sheepish like he always did when he came late at night, he looked serious. There was a hard glint in his eyes that she'd only seen a few times before.

 

“May I come in?”

 

She nodded, undoing the chain lock and opening the door for him. In such a small town, it was sheer paranoia to lock her door up so heavily at night, but he would scold her if she didn't.

 

Without a word he sat on the couch, posture stiff and guarded.

 

She sat on the opposite end, facing him and drawing her knees up to her chest. Already she had a feeling of foreboding. Whatever he was here for, she would not like it.

 

Kaoru could see he was trying to find words for her silent questioning stare, so she gave him time and studied his profile instead. Kenshin was a man who commanded attention, even though he was short and soft-spoken. His thin body belied his strength. She had seen him knock out guys nearly twice his size. His face was exotic. Long red hair like waves of fire framed his face. He kept it tied back at the nape of his neck or in a high ponytail, depending mostly on whether he was practicing kendo or not. His face was chiseled, but not necessarily in a way to suggest arrogance or overly-applied charm. His eyes were quite possibly his most unusual feature. Normally, they were crystalline amethyst that, though friendly, gave away nothing. However, Kaoru had known Kenshin long enough to have witnessed the rare times when his eyes turned molten amber. Always, it was when he was feeling strong emotions. Times when he was really angry, truly at peace, fiercely passionate, those were the times when his eyes went gold.

 

At long last, he turned towards her. He seemed to be waiting for her to say something, so she did. “What's wrong, Kenshin?”

 

He frowned, clearly not expecting her to be so forward. However, she was finally beginning to feel tired enough to go to bed, and bluntness would probably get her there faster. For a long time, he said nothing.

 

Then, turning away, Kenshin murmured, “I'm leaving.”

 

She had blinked, not comprehending. Leaving where? Why? For how long?

 

He gave a ghost of a smile at the sudden uneasiness in her ki. “I've enlisted.”

 

Again she blinked, letting the words sink in. He counted in his mind as he waited for it to compute.

 

“YOU WHAT?”

 

He remained calm. Uneasiness could not be allowed. If he let it show, he wouldn't be able to leave. “Kaoru, the neighbors,” he admonished quietly.

 

She clapped her hands over her mouth, even as she glared daggers at him. He waited patiently for her to calm down. It had been the reaction he'd been expecting.

 

“Kenshin, how could you?” she said more quietly, though with the exact same tone of anger. He mentally readied himself. This was the part he'd practiced for. He knew Kaoru didn't approve of the war. He had known she could conceivably hate him for this. Taking a deep breath, he turned fully to face her, willing her to understand.

 

“Kaoru, this is important to me. I know you don't approve of the war, and neither do I frankly, but innocent people are dying. I cannot stand idly by when I know it is well within my power to save them. They do not deserve what they are getting.”

 

“But…but…Do you even care that you're aiding a load of corrupt government asses who are just there to drop the oil prices, even though the burning of fossil fuels is what's ruining our world?”

 

“Yes, Kaoru, I do care. However, I also care about little children starving to death because the warring factions have taken all their food. I care about women who have so little left that they sell themselves to get by. I care about the fact that people who did absolutely nothing to deserve it are now dying in a war that is our fault.”

 

She stared disbelieving. “You're doing this out of…out of guilt?”

 

“In a way, yes.”

 

“But it's not you're fault we're over there. You didn't vote for the president. You didn't give the order to go over there.”

 

“No, but I'm responsible all the same.”

 

One of her eyebrows raised incredulously.

 

“So long as I can do something to help, but choose to do nothing, I am part of the problem. So I choose to help. It's not the solution I would have chosen, but it is a solution.”

 

For Kaoru, it was finally sinking in that Kenshin meant this. He really and truly believed in what he was saying. She felt tears prickle her eyes and shook her head impatiently, trying to clear them away without letting him know they were there.

 

“You…you might die,” she said softly.

 

“It's a risk I'm willing to take.”

 

She opened her eyes and he could see the tears brimming there, in spite of her best efforts.

 

“What if it's a risk I'm not willing to let you take?”

 

He stood and moved to kneel beside her. She watched him warily, not trusting this new tactic.

 

“It's not your decision, Kaoru,” he said gently, taking one of her hands in his and rubbing circles into her palm with his thumb. “It's my decision, and I'm leaving whether you like it or not. In fact, my flight's in three hours. I just wanted you to understand why I'm leaving. You're the only one who knows. I haven't told anyone else. I'd appreciate it if you tell them for me.”

 

Kaoru gave up trying to control her tears and let them spill freely. Kenshin and she had been friends for years. For quite some time, she'd wanted the relationship to be more than friends, but hadn't had the guts to tell him so. Now she was losing her chance. He was leaving them…leaving her.

 

“Please forgive me,” he said quietly. His arms slid around her shoulders and hugged her tightly. He turned inward and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek. Then he stood and left, only pausing to whisper, “Goodbye, Kaoru.”

 

She barely heard him, but the words broke her in two like a twig into a fire. Tears had spilt freely as the door clicked shut behind him. Her body gave way to grief. It was the worst kind of crying, without sobs and screaming. It was silent and breathless. It was only broken by her soft quiet whispers, gasped out every time she had enough air. “Kenshin.”

 

It had taken two weeks before her friends could even coax her out of her apartment. Megumi had nearly had to slap her out of it. It had taken another two months before she could do anything more than what was necessary to her survival. It had taken a full year before she was willing to go to a club with her friends again, and even then she would only sit in a booth, refusing all requests to dance.

 

In all three years of waiting, Kaoru had tortured herself. He was the first thing she thought of when she woke up and the last thing she thought about before she went to sleep. Even her dreams were devoted to him. After she started hearing about casualties in the news, she'd been plagued with horrible nightmares. They almost always ended with his death.

 

And now she would see him again, alive. But the question foremost on her mind was not his state of physical health. What had the war done to his mind? To his soul? Was he still the man she remembered, or had he been broken and pushed beyond even her reach?

 

Kaoru inhaled sharply as the train came to a full stop. She felt like she was going to throw up, but could not find it in herself to move from her spot on the concrete. The doors on the train slid back automatically. A few lonely people straggled out, looking disheveled and tired. They glanced at her before hurrying away. Where was he?

 

The conductor made last call for all passengers. Kaoru held her breath.

 

And then, from the last compartment, he emerged onto the platform.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

She was frozen as though she'd never be able to take another step. Move! her brain screamed at her muscles, but they were not listening. He looked around a moment before noticing her. He also seemed frozen to the spot for a moment.

 

Some detached part of her was taking notes on similarities and differences between this man and the one who'd left her apartment in the dead of night three years ago.

 

His hair was still long, still in its familiar ponytail. That surprised her. Didn't they make military personnel cut their hair? He was dressed in a navy blue uniform. She scrambled to remember what branch he'd been in. Marines maybe? If she hadn't been so shocked by the rest of him, that uniform would have stopped her in her tracks for sure. He looked handsome.

 

But his face was completely different. Shadows lined his features. He still looked young. Unlike many others, wrinkles hadn't been added by hardship, but the shadows on his face more than made up for it. A cross-shaped scar stood out brilliantly on his cheek. It looked like it might still be healing. What truly stopped her, though, were his eyes.

 

He'd been a carefully controlled man before he left. Now, he was nothing but ice. Amethyst eyes that before had been somewhat open and almost always happy were now covered by a steely blue cast. Beneath it, nothing showed. He was hidden from her. For a brief moment, as she met his eyes, she thought she saw the cast lift, and beneath it was unspeakable pain. Then, it was back.

 

He stepped towards her, lifting a nondescript duffle bag and a battered leather suitcase she'd failed to notice. Still, she could not move. He stopped in front of her, set the bag down again, and faced her. If she hadn't been rendered immobile, she would have been unable to meet his eyes.

 

Without a word, he touched her cheek, thumb rubbing away tears she hadn't even realized she was shedding. With the gentle action, some of his icy demeanor melted away, but it was still there, blocking her from the man she loved.

 

At long last, she took a shuddering breath. “Kenshin…”

 

She had planned for this moment. She had planned to carefully greet him and act as though nothing was wrong. She had planned to ask him to stay the night in her guest bedroom since he was apartmentless for the time being. She had planned on casually telling him how much she missed him. She had planned on maybe gathering courage enough to ask him out to coffee the next day. Nothing happened as she'd planned.

 

She threw herself into his arms and sobbed.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kenshin had been running scenarios through his mind of how to greet her ever since he'd learned he could go home. Many of them involved sweeping her off her feet and kissing her breathless. He had not expected to be so…surprised by her appearance though. Outwardly, she didn't look any different. But in her eyes, there was a sorrow that was out of place. His heart sank as he realized that he'd been the one to put it there.

 

When tears started streaming down her face, he found his ability to move again. Kissing her seemed like a double-edged sword now. Was she crying out of happiness, or did she hate him? Had he broken her with one single action that, at the time, had seemed so right in his mind? In an effort to give comfort, he reached forward and brushed away the tears. He had not expected her to throw herself in his arms.

 

She doesn't hate me, one part of him observed with some sense of bitter humor. The rest of him concentrated on taking away her pain. His arms slid around her and brought her closer, squeezing tightly. He might've held her even tighter if he hadn't feared cutting off her ability to breathe.

 

She was crying outright now, sobbing and hiccuping. He was about to greet her, to tell her how much he'd missed her, when she drew away from him suddenly, hand going to her mouth. Her face turned suddenly pale and a sheen of sweat broke out. Her cobalt eyes were darting around, searching for something. She rushed away from him so suddenly he was left standing motionless and stunned on the platform.

 

Kenshin regained himself and hefted his duffel and suitcase, turning to find her. He caught sight of a swinging door and jogged after her. For a moment, he stood outside what he realized was the women's room before making up his mind. Quietly, he pushed the door forward and entered. She was kneeling in the closest stall, violently expelling her last meal. He felt overwhelming guilt. Somehow, he couldn't help but feel he was the cause for this.

 

Unthinking, Kenshin dropped his luggage and knelt behind her, placing gentle hands on her back to steady her and keep her hair from her face. She seemed to draw strength from him and the heaves slowly abated. When he was sure she was done, he rose and found his water bottle, a small token of the train when he'd refused any supper. He could see the smiling matron who insisted he take it still lingering in his mind's eye.

 

Kaoru took the bottle from him with listless hands. Her eyes were downcast as she slowly drank, washing away the taste of bile. She jumped when she felt a cool hand pressed to her forehead.

 

“You're running a fever,” he said softly. His voice seemed different: deeper, softer, and sadder.

 

“I'm so glad you're home.” Kaoru's words came out hoarse and quiet. Kenshin nearly missed it.

 

”Let's get you to your apartment. I'll drive and you can direct me.”

 

She nearly started crying again. Here he was after three years of fighting in the streets and all he would do was take care of her. She nodded, afraid to try and speak around the lump in her throat. He offered a hand, helping her to her feet.

 

Without a word, Kenshin put an arm around her shoulder and led her from the bathroom. They left the station quietly and she pointed to her small car. The ride home was silent, save for the scant directions Kaoru gave.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kenshin might have studied the apartment around him to see how much it had changed, but he could not tear his eyes from Kaoru. The sight of her, flushed and saddened though she was, seemed to be acting as a healing salve on his wounded soul. It was as though he'd been wandering through a desert dying of thirst, and she was his oasis. He was drinking in the sight of her.

 

Through three years, her appearance had hardly changed. She was still slight of frame, even shorter than he was. Her curves had matured slightly, giving her the appearance of a woman rather than a teenager. Her complexion was still naturally ivory white, quite averse to any and all tanning methods as he well remembered from several experiments devised by Misao. Even her raven's wing hair was still waist length and soft as silk. He had to resist the sudden urge to reach out and touch it.

 

“I…I have Chinese if you're hungry.”

 

Her voice quavered slightly.

 

“I'm not,” he said softly. “What were you thinking, coming to pick me up while you're sick?”

 

“I didn't know I was sick. I thought it was butterflies.”

 

“Well, let's get you to bed.”

 

Kaoru grumbled under her breath and turned to go to her room, but the floor spun suddenly and violently. Her feet stumbled beneath her and she felt rushing air. Her eyes shut tight, bracing for impact, but it never came. She was cradled in warmth. Cracking one eye tentatively, she saw Kenshin. It took a moment to come to the conclusion that he'd caught her.

 

Kenshin lifted Kaoru into his arms and frowned at how easy it was to lift her. She hadn't been eating enough. His arms tightened slightly, protectively, around her. She hadn't been looking after herself and again, he felt the overwhelming need to blame himself for it.

 

“Kenshin?” He looked down at her, stopping just short of her bedroom door.

 

“I know you don't have a place to stay right now. Do you…want to stay here while you find a place?”

 

He smiled gently. Staying with Kaoru was probably not the best of ideas, considering that deep down inside he still wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but he didn't want to disturb her right now and make her sick again.

 

“That would be nice, Kaoru.”

 

She smiled slightly and suddenly he was glad he'd said yes. She snuggled against him, bringing her arms up around his neck. He unconsciously dipped his head closer to hers and inhaled her scent, one he hadn't had the pleasure of smelling for three years. She smelled wonderfully of jasmine and cinnamon, something he'd nearly forgotten, though it was hidden under the stale scent of sickness.

 

Carefully, Kenshin opened Kaoru's bedroom door and carried her in. She was practically already asleep when he laid her on the bed. Briefly he contemplated her before carefully to remove her shoes. He found a blanket and tucked it around her, hands lingering against her to reassure himself that he wasn't dreaming. Almost against his will, he tucked her hair away from her face. She smiled at the gesture and turned towards his hand.

 

Unable to completely resist his most basic instincts, Kenshin sat on the edge of the bed and continued to smooth his hand across her hair. Kaoru's breathing fell into the slow even pattern of sleep. At long last, he felt the call of his own bed, in the guest room. Reluctantly he stood, eyes remaining on the face of the angel beside him.

 

Kenshin slowly lowered himself to brush a chaste kiss across her forehead. He walked out of the room on cat feet, turning before he closed the door, just to look at her one last time, he whispered, “I missed you, too.”

 

A/N: Some notes. This story is based in the United States, not Japan. I do so because I'm more familiar with US government and politics than Japanese. While this is a reflection of my feelings towards current dealings in the Middle East, that is not the point of the story. It want to show the process of slowly easing the aches in Kenshin's heart as he deals with what he's done. This story is a romance and drama, not a debate. Please respect it as such. Also, as the most serious piece of writing I've ever done, chapters are guaranteed to be few and far between. Please forgive the long waits, but I want everything to be as perfect as I can get it. Thank you for reading and any and all reviews would be greatly appreciated.

 

“Hate War, Love the…Warrior.” -Lt. Gen. Harold Moore