Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Shards of Me ❯ The Carousel from Hell ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki. The main plotline of this story is completely fictional. Situations should in no way be considered truthful or based on real events. Political opinions expressed in the story are mine. If you do not agree with said opinions, do not flame me for them. Do not stoop so low as to berate me for what I hold to be truthful. Some smaller side stories may be based on factual events. I will alert you if they are.

 

Shards of Me

 

Chapter III: The Carousel from Hell

 

Kaoru woke late in the morning with the taste of sickness thick on her tongue. She groaned and threw her arm over her eyes, even though she knew without a doubt she would not be able to go back to sleep. After several minutes of denial, she rose from her bed and noted that she felt a great deal better, despite the fact that she hadn't gotten much sleep last night. After Kenshin had retreated to his room, she had stared blankly at the TV for several minutes before popping in a tear-jerker. It gave her an excuse to cry so, if Kenshin should miraculously reemerge, she wouldn't have to tell him why there were tears spilling down her face.

 

Once the movie was finished, she turned on late night programming, allowing the stupid humor of Letterman to wash away some of her pain. But through it all, all she could think of was him. What had she done wrong? Why had he backed away? Had he been disgusted? Or did he simply think she had moved to fast? After all, hadn't he been the one to kiss her in the first place? She'd finally gone to bed around one and let thoughts of red silk and soft amethysts carry her to sleep.

 

Now, she was loathe to emerge from her room, because if she did, she'd have to face him. She didn't want to face him, but nature was now calling. She glanced at her bedside clock and saw it was past breakfast time, but not yet lunch. Thank goodness it was Saturday, or sleeping in would have given her a nervous breakdown in a nanosecond. With a sigh, she rose and gathered a change of clothing. Listening outside her door, she detected no hint of sound, but that didn't mean he wasn't there. With stalwart resolution, she yanked open her door and rushed across the hallway into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

 

Quickly, she brushed her teeth to remove the disgusting taste of old bile. With the heaviness gone from her breath, she moved on to a shower. The hot steam did wonders for her tense muscles, but absolutely nothing for her muddled mind. She stepped out of the shower and dried herself, throwing her hair up into a ponytail rather then deal with the tangles she knew she'd have. Quietly and completely unprepared to face the man on the other side of the door, she left the bathroom and stepped out into the kitchen.

 

Of course, he sat at the table waiting for her. He looked up from the morning paper as she entered and smiled gently, though guardedly. Kaoru could not even muster the courage to smile back. “Good morning,” he said softly. She could not answer past her tight throat. His smile fell away.

 

He stood quietly and moved to grab a plate covered by a napkin to help keep it warm. He set the plate before her and she saw it was fresh pancakes. At the sight of them, she realized how very hungry she was. Without a second thought, she dug in.

 

Kenshin watched her with hooded eyes as he took his seat again. After a moment, he said, “You must be feeling better.”

 

She nodded and swallowed the bite of pancakes currently in her mouth. “Thank you for cooking.” His eyes became less guarded when she fave a small, fleeting smile, and he cautiously returned the action. He might have said something more, but just then the phone rang.

 

Kaoru seemed engrossed in her pancakes, so he reached for the cordless and pressed “talk.” “Hello.”

 

“Hey Kenshin.” Sano's voice came over the line so loudly even Kaoru could here it. “Kitsune is home and Aoshi and the weasel get back today. I was hoping Kaoru was feeling better so we could all go out together, like old times.”

 

Kenshin looked at Kaoru, silently questioning. She nodded, suddenly eager to see the friends who had been absent for so long back together. Kenshin turned back to the receiver. “Kaoru says she's up to it, Sano.”

 

“Great! It's at the usual hangout. Kaoru knows the way if you don't. We'll meet you there at about 9:00 tonight or so.”

 

“Alright, Sano. See you then.” Kenshin hung up decisively before Sano could start rambling. He looked back at Kaoru.

 

“You're sure you're up to this, right?”

 

Kaoru glanced up from her last bite of pancakes. “Just so long as I don't have anything to drink, I'll be fine. I really would like to see everyone.”

 

He nodded, understanding. “So,” he said after a moment, “what would you like to do today?”

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

As Kenshin stepped out of the shower, he couldn't seem to turn his mind from the person he currently didn't want to think about. His mind kept turning back to the kiss, reliving again and again, each time with different emotions attached. None of them were aiding him in calming himself.

 

There was obviously desire. Kaoru was a beautiful woman, though she often sold herself short. Everything about her was absolutely perfect in his eyes and his body happily agreed with such thoughts.

 

Another replay brought forth regret. Not just for kissing her, but for leaving in the first place three years ago. For the first time, he questioned whether or not joining the war effort had been a mistake. If he hadn't, by this time he and Kaoru might have… But thinking of what might have been was an activity that was rather useless so he shoved those thoughts away.

 

Next he felt surprise. Surprise that she'd comforted him. Surprise that she might be as equally broken as himself. Surprise that she'd kissed him back. Most of all surprise that she had said she needed him…or needed to be kissed. His mind could not clearly recall exactly the emotion or inflection of her voice in that moment, just the heat of her eyes.

 

Most of all, he felt a deep-seeded self-loathing that seemed to grow and latch onto him more with each passing thought. So many of his thoughts rotated around the words “I should have…” Should have what? Dragged her back to one of the bedrooms and shown her the extent of what he was feeling? Not kissed her in the first place? Not come to stay with her? Not left her? Told her he loved her before he left?

 

God, his mind murmured as he grit his teeth and leaned his forehead against the mirror, resisting the urge to punch the glass and shatter the reflection of the creature he saw within. I…I just fucked up everything.

 

With angry movements, he dried himself off and yanked on his clothing for the day. He needed time to cool down and reflect more. These thoughts were just making him go in circles. He disliked the feeling intensely.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kenshin surreptitiously watched Kaoru as she browsed shelf after shelf of used books. He could immediately see why she loved this store. The smell of old paper and good coffee wafted through the air like a siren's song, slowly calling in those who knew what the scents would mean. She glanced at him and he quickly pretended to be studying his chai latte.

 

Still his brain replayed the events of last night. He now reflected on exactly why he'd kissed her in the first place. The dream had been so vivid and real. He could have sworn it was Kaoru's bleeding and lifeless body he'd held in his hands. When he'd seen her alive and at least moderately well, he couldn't help but kiss her, if only to reassure himself that she was not another apparition of his mind. There had been many times during his time overseas when such visions had woken him from sleep as he blindly reached for her.

 

After analyzing the situation as much as his mind could take, he now understood what his greatest mistake had been.

 

I shouldn't have kissed her again, he berated himself for what seemed the millionth time. She'd understood the first kiss. She had made sure he knew that. But his second kiss had been completely formed of repressed desire. Everything about her had called to him and he had answered despite every warning that had ever crossed his mind about involving himself with Kaoru. It had been the hardest thing he'd ever done to pull away from her yielding body. But in his heart, he'd known it was wrong of him. They'd been friends for such a long time. He was stained and unworthy of her. Taking her now would be like robbing a defenseless blind man.

 

“I needed that too.”

 

Her words echoed through his mind again and again, a single phrase he couldn't seem to shake from his head. He wanted to dismiss them as something she'd said in the heat of the moment, but a single dark part of his heart had latched on to them like a lifeline. He could not help but feel that this was the single chance in a million he'd been praying for. But no, he knew better than to grab at impossible dreams. The world had taught him long ago that life was never so kind.

 

With forced cheerfulness, he stood and shook the thoughts from his mind. They could be considered later when he could concentrate and was far away from Kaoru and not so likely to wrap his arms around her. “Are you done looking?” he asked softly as he studied the book she held.

 

“I think so. Have you ever read this?” she said as she turned the book slightly so he could see the title.

 

“Paradise Lost? I think I had to read an excerpt for an English assignment once, but I don't remember. Poetry really isn't my cup of tea.”

 

“It's not mine either, but a friend recommended this.”

 

Kenshin took the book from her and idly flipped through the pages. The verse was of an older style and seemed to delve into the realm of fantasy. “It looks like it might be interesting,” he said, choosing a neutral sentence that allowed him to avoid telling her he thought it wasn't for her. She seemed to sense his thoughts anyway.

 

“Maybe another day,” she sighed softly. “I still haven't paid the rent this month.”

 

He frowned. No one had mentioned Kaoru was having money problems. And now he was living off her kindness. Kenshin made a mental note to get a job as soon as possible so he could help her out.

 

“What time is it?” she asked, cutting him from his thoughts.

 

He glanced at his watch. “About a quarter to six. Are you ready to go eat supper?”

 

“Yeah. The hangout doesn't serve the greatest food. It's more of a place where people go to dance, drink, and meet other people who dance and drink.”

 

“Sounds like Sano's kind of place.”

 

“Katsu has partial ownership.”

 

“Ah, I see. That means free drinks for Sano, right?”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“I'm starting to understand. Do you have a particular food craving, or do you just want to go home?”

 

“Let's just go home. I…home would just be nice.”

 

He nodded and gently slung his arm around her shoulder, keeping the motion friendly rather than intimate. His eyes were trained forward so he missed her look of disappointment.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

For supper, they shared cheap, fast food that had been bought on the way home. Kaoru could not help studying him as they each ate in silence at her small and slightly worn kitchen table. The florescent light over the sink flickered insistently, making something about the entire situation seem…unreal.

 

The silence was killing her, slowly but surely. At the very least it was driving her mad. Never, ever in all her memories of Kenshin, had she had an uncomfortable silence with him. Yet the very air of her kitchen made her flinch as the nothingness stretched between them.

 

She wanted to say something, anything, to break it, yet nothing that wouldn't bring about even more discomfort came to mind. She wanted to ask him if he was OK, which seemed like a ridiculous question even in her mind. He was obviously not OK. He hadn't been OK since he'd come home. Probably long before them, if the stifling mask over his eyes was any indication.

 

She wanted to ask him about what had happened to him overseas to make him like this. To this question, she already knew she would get no straight answer. If he'd wanted to tell her about it, he would've done so already. That was the way they'd always been with each other before. Of course, now was not before.

 

Most of all she wanted to ask him what he'd dreamed last night. Every moment of last night seemed impossibly caught in her brain. She ran through it again and again rather, she thought sardonically, like a hamster in its wheel. She seemed to be going somewhere, but in the end she never moved.

 

What the hell was she supposed to think? She'd never, never had a man kiss her like that before. He'd kissed her like every thought and feeling he wanted her to know had to be conveyed in a single and all-encompassing gesture. And then he'd kissed her almost like he was a teenager all over again, testingly and not without a little reservation. And then he'd just walked away without a word.

 

Not only did that action confuse her. It infuriated her. How dare he start something and not finish it? Not explain himself? Not kiss her again? Not do something? It was enough to make her want to punch his lights out. Repeatedly.

 

She could feel his eyes on her now, as her thoughts made another cycle in their imaginary hamster wheel. She nearly giggled at the sudden image in her mind and was immediately upset and infuriated all at once. At him, at herself, at everything that stood between them, at nothing at all.

 

With angry movements, she crumpled the wrapper from her chicken sandwich and threw it in the general direction of the trash can before swiping one of his fries, as though the petty action would suddenly cure all the aches on the inside.

 

He raised an eyebrow at her before retaliating and taking one of her onion rings. She glared at him as he ate the ring, grinning lopsidedly and licking off the grease the ring had left on his finger. Kaoru gave into her sudden and unreasonably violent urges and almost before thinking, she'd stuck a finger in his ketchup and smeared it on his face.

 

He stared at her wide eyed and open mouthed, ketchup streaked across his unmarred cheek before suddenly laughing very softly. “I suppose I deserved that,” he murmured, reaching for a napkin to wipe away the sauce. Kaoru stared in turn before suddenly joining him in his laughter.

 

It was all so ridiculous. It had taken greasy fried food and bright red sauce to break the deafening silence between them. It had taken childish actions to get past the problems that had been brought on by adulthood and prideful decisions and a self-belief in being infinitely wise and a million other things that had descended around them to take away the brief happiness they'd once had between each other.

 

Her laughter caused Kenshin to smile wider, though if he could've read her mind his expression might have been something a great deal more serious. Quickly, he cleaned up the last of the fast food remnants and threw them in the garbage. With a glance at the clock, he motioned towards the door. “We should probably head out,” he told her, smile still tilting his lips up but not reaching his eyes. They never seemed to reach his eyes now.

 

She nodded, setting aside her amusement as easily as it had come. Something about tonight, something was very wrong already. But then again, nothing had been right for nearly three years.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kenshin and Kaoru arrived at the club where their friends gathered just a little after nine. The partying crowd hadn't filled in yet and Kenshin was given a chance to study the place. From the outside, the club hadn't looked like much. Its small dark front made it seem dingy and dank. Inside, though, the atmosphere was intimate and half-lit. The place had an air of grandness hidden under its dark exterior, even though it seemed no different than any other dance club he'd ever been in.

 

Kenshin could immediately see why his friends gathered at this place, “The Forgotten Artist.” The atmosphere was just right for such unusual people. As he and Kaoru stepped in, a few other early arrivers turned and watched in interest before returning to their own conversations. Past the dance floor, Kenshin immediately spotted two tall men, both leaning against the bar. He knew those men very well and began to lead Kaoru towards them, skirting the floor rather than walking straight across.

 

Sano spotted them as they got closer and raised a glass of liquor in jesting toast. The rooster stood more than six feet tall and had his arm casually draped around the woman next to him. Kenshin recognized Takani Megumi. Part of him silently rejoiced as he realized that Sano and Megumi might have finally gotten together. If they had, that might stop some of the tumultuous flirting Megumi had thrown at him before he'd left. He had never really appreciated the attention, especially since it caused animosity between Kaoru and Megumi that the term “cat fight” didn't even begin to cover.

 

Next to Sano stood Aoshi Shinomori. Though Aoshi was tall, he didn't quite manage to breach Sano's height. His blue eyes were still as icy as Kenshin remembered, though he saw a flicker of warmth in them as Aoshi glanced down at the woman clinging to his arm. Makimachi Misao, Kaoru's best friend and Aoshi's long-standing lover, was the last person anyone had expected the cold man to fall for. She was short and childish and…bubbly was the best word Kenshin could think of. The girl's mouth moved at a million miles an hour and it was a wonder anyone could understand her.

 

Kenshin could feel a slow, small smile playing across his lips. It was good to seem them again, even though he was silently dreading their meeting. Kaoru had been the only one he'd written to. He'd never even said goodbye to the others. What would they think of him now?

 

Misao was the next to spot Kenshin and Kaoru. She immediately unlatched herself from Aoshi's side and ran to them. “Kaoru! It's good to see you. I missed you while we were in the Himalayas. There were some fantastic animals you would have loved. Kenshin! I missed you so much, even if you were a complete asshole to leave us like that. Without you, Aoshi's been complaining about lack of stimulating conversation. Can you imagine? He doesn't find my conversational skills stimulating.”

 

All this was said in what seemed to be a single breath as Misao tightly hugged both Kaoru and Kenshin with the force of a small hurricane. She only stopped speaking when Aoshi appeared behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back against him. The girl sighed in joy and Kenshin relished the brief reprieve from her chatter.

 

“Himura,” Aoshi said calmly as he met the red-head's eyes. Aoshi's reaction had been the one Kenshin feared the most. The man was a powerful lawyer who'd been called to the Supreme Court on more than one occasion. His disapproval of the war had been cited in magazines across the country.

 

“Aoshi,” Kenshin said warily. “It's good to see you.”

 

The man seemed frozen for a moment, his ice blue eyes calculating before his lips tipped ever so slightly upward, the barest hint of a smile. “You as well, Himura.” Kenshin sensed the warning in his words as well as the kindness. He and Aoshi would have a long conversation later, but for now they were friends enjoying an evening out.

 

“Come on, guys,” Misao said, her brief silence from Aoshi's influence already wearing away. “Let's get you some drinks.”

 

“Actually,” Kaoru said, “I've been sick. I'm not going to risk alcohol tonight, Misao.”

 

“Ok then. Himura, you at least need to get some liquor in you. Surely you can't have had much overseas.”

 

“You'd be surprised,” Kenshin muttered quietly as he remembered all the times he turned to a bottle of alcohol to try and drown out memories of blood and death. It never had worked and all drink reminded him of now was the coppery scent of fresh blood. “Actually, Misao,” he said more loudly, “I'll be driving so I'll just stick to non-alcoholic, too.”

 

Misao pouted before saying, “You guys are no fun. Come on, Aoshi. Let's go dance.”

 

Kenshin stared in wonder. He'd forgotten how she could jump from subject to subject without even a slight pause. Sometimes he wondered how in the world her brain managed to keep up with her mouth.

 

Kaoru pulled Kenshin to Sano and Megumi as he pondered the capabilities of Misao's mouth versus her brain. Sano clapped Kenshin on the back as soon as the small man was in range and the redhead found himself stumbling forward, caught off-guard.

 

“Damn, Kenshin,” Sano said, speaking louder than necessary, even though there was hardly any noise to overcome, “time was you would'a twisted my hand up behind my back for doing that. You getting soft or something?”

 

Kenshin glared at Sano and said softly, “I was distracted. Would you care to try again?”

 

The threat in Kenshin's eyes was clear. He was out to have fun tonight, but he would only tolerate so much teasing. Kaoru saw the subtle flash of gold in his eyes and tried to distract him. “Kenshin,” she said carefully, “maybe Megumi can help you find a job at the hospital. Not as a doctor, certainly, but they're always looking for security.”

 

Kenshin blanched. The idea of working in any sort of job where violence might occur was absolutely repugnant to him. “Actually, Kaoru,” he said, trying to hide his disgust at the thought, “I was thinking of trying to find job as a carpenter in construction or something similar.”

 

“But Kenshin,” Megumi jumped in, her voice a low purr, “surely you are more suited to a job that stimulates your mind as well. You majored in philosophy. Surely there's work in that field for you.”

 

“I may've majored in it Megumi, but all of that information has leaked out of my head. I'm not sure if I could even give you one quote of philosophical merit anymore.”

 

“Still Kenshin, you deserve a better job than menial labor. Maybe I can find something for you in the hospice wing. The old people always love to discuss the politics of the world. It's not exactly philosophy, but still…” she trailed off.

 

Kenshin did not want to share with her the real reason why he veered away from his old major. Discussing the rights and wrongs of the world with people was hardly an activity he enjoyed anymore. Who was he, one who had committed so many atrocities, to tell people how they should think? His intention to go into manual labor had a reason all its own. Creating things that would shelter people and protect them was a simple pleasure. It required single-mindedness that left little room for other, more disturbing thoughts. It was exactly what Kenshin wanted.

 

“Come on Megumi,” Sano jumped in, saving the redhead from further prodding, “let's dance. Kenshin doesn't have to decide his future right this minute after all.”

 

“Why not?” Megumi murmured. “It's not like he didn't the last time.”

 

She hadn't meant for Kenshin to hear that part, but he did and winced. His friends were angry with him. They were just doing a fairly good job at hiding it. He was also hurt by the fact that Megumi thought his decision was spur of the moment. He'd thought long and hard about what joining the military would mean. Quietly, he shook his dark thoughts from his head.

 

He and Kaoru were left alone at the bar while their friends moved off into the crowd, swaying to the beat of the low music. Kaoru sat down on a stool and Kenshin followed suit. They sat in silence as the bartender brought them both water, Kaoru also ordering a non-alcoholic margarita to appease the man behind the counter, who glared angrily when no tip was immediately forthcoming.

 

Kenshin nearly enjoyed the silence between them as they both turned towards the dance floor to watch their friends. In this atmosphere he could almost pretend that this was a night like so many others from a few years ago. He was simply a man out enjoying an evening with friends and someone who was more than a friend, though by no means a lover. He almost fooled himself. Almost.

 

When some time had passed Kaoru turned to him and softly asked, “Would you like to dance, Kenshin?”

 

She was looking down and a faint blush stained her cheeks. He could hear nervousness in her voice and sense it in her body as well. A tinge of fear spread across her aura as he remained quiet. How could he possibly say no when she looked so vulnerable?

 

Easily, he stood and placed a hand on her shoulder, coaxing her to stand before leading her out onto the now crowded floor. Kaoru seemed to understand that her invitation had been accepted and, hesitantly, wrapped her arms around his neck. Kenshin returned her embrace, his arms sliding around her waist and pulling her as close as he dared. Part of him feared getting too close because he did not know if he would be able to stop himself from kissing her if her body was flush to his.

 

They began swaying slightly to the beat of a slow song. Kenshin carefully lost himself in the music, allowing the beat to become the thrum of his heart, the words the thoughts in his head. The fantasy he'd created for himself, of being a younger and more carefree self seemed to take hold with startling clarity. They were just two friends quietly enjoying themselves. There was no bitterness here, no bloodshed, no regrets. He took a small liberty and leaned forward to press his nose to Kaoru's hair. The scent of jasmine soothed him and his arms tightened around Kaoru almost unconsciously.

 

Kaoru felt his arms tighten and smiled slightly, pressing her face to the crook of his neck. It had been too long since she'd last felt him like this, losing himself in the simplicity of dancing. Feeling a little daring, she pressed herself fully against him and felt his arms tighten again, locking her in the new position. She smiled slightly as the DJ took up another song, one she knew very well. Softly, she began singing the words, her breath sliding past Kenshin's ear.

 

The feel of her warm breath hovering over his skin raised the hairs on the back of Kenshin's neck. Part of his mind was telling him, This is too close. You need to back off. However, he'd grown a sudden deafness to it. Her could feel her voice vibrating through her small body and began to hum the melody with her though he did not know the words.

 

Kaoru became lost in the moment. Carefully, she pulled back to see his face. His eyes were glowing slightly in the darkness. She could see hints of amber hugging the pupils and sparking in the depths of the violet. His gaze caught and held her, drawing her downward until she was drowning in the raw emotion he was showing.

 

“Kaoru,” he said huskily, trying desperately to force out the words he knew he should be saying. “We shouldn't be doing this,” his mind screamed. However, his tongue seemed to have frozen on her name. Kaoru's cerulean eyes were searching his trying to find something. Kenshin watched frozen as she leaned forward, eyes still locked with his. The near touch of her lips to his had an immediate effect, unfreezing him as easily as fire melted ice. He leaned in to her but froze just on the brink, suddenly unsure.

 

He hovered in indecision as instinct warred with reason. One side of him screamed desperately. She was obviously willing and he knew his own thoughts well on the subject. Wanting her was an accepted feeling. Why not just act on it and sooth the fire on both sides, rather than stoking it higher by pulling away?

 

The other side though, was frozen with firm resolution. Just last night the situation had been so similar, yet at the same time so different. Hadn't he already made up his decision on the subject? He would not force her to live with a man like him. He would not burden her with the sins he'd committed since leaving her side. The decision had already been made. There is no choice here.

 

The abrupt end of the slow song and the DJ's introduction of some atrocious hip-hop beat swiftly brought Kenshin back to himself. He pulled away from Kaoru's lips as though he'd been burned, though his hands remained in their respective spots on the small of her back. Kaoru's eyes widened slightly and before giving him a half-lidded look that almost had him forgetting his inhibitions.

 

“Kenshin,” she whispered, trying to rise up on her toes to finish what she'd started. He held her in place and carefully stepped away, deliberately putting distance between them. The hurt in her eyes tore at him, but he thought what he was doing was for the best.

 

“Kaoru,” he said softly. “We can't do this.”

 

Kaoru gulped heavily, trying to fight the tears she knew were rising in her eyes. She would not be angry with him. Her feelings were probably one-sided. She should be less selfish; he'd just gotten back from a war, after all. Kaoru told herself every excuse she could think of for him but none would drive away the sensation of her heart shattering. Abruptly she turned and rushed off the dance floor, her steps clipped and cold.

 

Kenshin rushed after her. He saw Sano rushing to intercept him from his left, but one glare stopped the rooster full in his tracks. Kenshin followed Kaoru into the cool night air and his eyes searched for her, finding her leaning against her car, facing away from him. He approached slowly and cautiously, as though she was a wild animal.

“Kaoru,” he whispered, knowing full well that she could hear him. Her hands brushed over her face, indicating the tears she had shed and was now hiding. She turned to him, face icy, eyes cold.

 

“Let's go home,” she told him, voice completely free of inflection. He nodded, wondering how he could possibly make up for this. The drive home was filled with strained silence and chill anger.

 

A/N: Half of this chapter was written impromptu before posting so please forgive any grammatical errors you may stumble across while reading. I tried my best to catch them all. No other major notes. Next update time is completely up for grabs. I've started marching band camp for the fall season so my days are suddenly not my own. The update will come when it comes, but probably shouldn't be more than a month. Big huge honking thanks to everyone who reviewed. I love you people. Thanks for taking the time to read and please note that all reviews are greatly appreciated.