Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Shards of Me ❯ On a Road Less Traveled ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki. The main plotline of this story is completely fictional. Situations should in no way be considered truthful or based on real events. Political opinions expressed in the story are mine. If you do not agree with said opinions, do not flame me for them.Do not stoop so low as to berate me for what I hold to be truthful. Some smaller side stories may be based on factual events. I will alert you if they are.

Warnings: Mild language and decided OOC-ness. (I have good reason, I promise.)

Shards of Me

Chapter V: On a Road Less Traveled

Kaoru dashed down the street with shoulders hunched and head ducked. It was bad enough that she had played hooky from her teaching to come out here this afternoon, but she felt like a fugitive coming here—like she was betraying him, but she had to know. Tucking further into her coat she opened the door to the office and stepped in. An electronic bell sounded through the tiny entrance, cold and mechanical. She shrugged out of her coat apprehensively and retrieved from its pocket a tiny sheet of paper she'd scrounged out from the drawer stuffed with his old letters.

 

This particular letter was the one she had read the most. It had been folded and refolded so much that the words were fading at the creases. In a few places the ink was smudged from the tears she'd cried when she first received it from him. Again she read the line that had brought her here. “My commander, Lt. Saitoh, is also coming home, though his is only leave for a month. He's a very cynical man, but good at heart I think.”

 

Taking a deep breath Kaoru stepped into the main office. A young, smiling man sat behind the desk, dressed in a formal uniform of deep blue. He looked up as she entered. “Greetings, miss. How can I help you?”

 

She smiled shyly and not a little apprehensively—his grin unnerved her—and quietly asked, “I was wondering if you might be able to tell me were I could find Lt. Saitoh.”

 

The boy's eyebrows scrunched in a frown, though he continued to smile through it. “Might I inquire as to the reason miss?”

 

“My…fiancé just finished duty overseas and I'm worried about him. He served under Lt. Saitoh and I was hoping I could talk to him about some of my concerns.”

 

“Miss, I'm sorry but…”

 

“Let the girl in, Soujiro.”

 

Kaoru glanced up from the boy to the man she hadn't even noticed enter the room. He was tall and lean, dark hair slicked back from an angular face. A few stray bangs fell into golden eyes that reminded her eerily of Kenshin at his angriest. He smirked at her as she studied him.

 

“Yes, sir,” Soujiro snapped, immediately jumping up and saluting. “Miss, this is Lt. Saitoh.”

 

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance,” the man drawled, looking bored and disinterested. “Soujiro, call Anji. I need to discuss some things with him about his latest supplies requests.”

 

“Yes, sir,” the boy snapped again, immediately sitting to type madly at the computer. The taller man gestured for her to follow and she felt she didn't have much choice in the matter.

 

“So, you're Himura's fiancé?” he asked over his shoulder as they walked down a short sparse hallway.

 

“No, sir. I said that because I really did need to talk to you about him.”

 

The man glanced sharply back at her before a smirk grew on his lips. “You must be that friend of his he was always going on about. Clearly he wasn't lying when he said you were a firecracker.”

 

“Kenshin said that about me?” she murmured as he turned into an office. Saitoh didn't deign to reply, instead motioning her to a chair before shutting the door firmly. He took his sweet time in strolling to his own chair, sitting down, and shuffling several papers before setting them aside to fix his dangerous gaze on her.

 

“So you're worried about Himura, eh? How so?”

 

She squirmed nervously under his piercing gaze (did the man even know how to not glare?) before beginning hesitantly. “Correct me if I'm wrong, but all soldiers returning from active duty are given classes and psychiatric care to help them cope with returning to the real world, right?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“And Kenshin was given such care?”

 

“You just said yourself all soldiers are given such treatment.”

 

“Right, umm…”

 

“Are you concerned about his state of mind?”

 

“You could say that.”

 

Saitoh held up a hand to stop her from continuing before digging through the papers on his desk to pull out a manila file. He flipped it open just as she caught Kenshin's name written on the tab.

 

“`Himura, Kenshin,'” Saitogh began, “`Age 25. Height 5'1”. Weight 108 lb. Psychiatric notes: Subject appears to be fully rehabilitated and ready for return to civilian status. Though his personality is more withdrawn than when he entered service, that is to be expected with all soldiers. Due to the nature of his duties, however, it is recommended that subject returns for psychiatric evaluations periodically. No more than six months should be present between evaluations. Subject cleared for honorable discharge.'

 

“He sounds just fine from his psych profile.”

 

Kaoru digested his words for a moment before speaking again. “But I don't think he's fine. He…he's been having nightmares for one thing. And he hasn't been himself since he came back.”

 

Saitoh raised an eyebrow at her before asking, “`Hasn't been himself' how?”

 

“It sounds foolish, I know, but…he won't talk to me. He won't tell me things when I know something is bothering him. He hasn't been sleeping well. I just…just…oh crap. This is hopeless, isn't it?”

 

Saitoh leaned back in his chair, flipping pages in Kenshin's profile and glancing at her appraisingly every once and a while. Finally he shut the file and placed his finger next to Kenshin's name.

 

“You see this little black line next to Himura's name?”

 

“Yes…” she said slowly, unsure of where he was going with this.

 

“It indicates the kind of missions he worked overseas. Black line only means one thing: black ops.”

 

She nodded, not quite grasping his meaning. `Black ops'—it was a term she'd heard in movies and never really thought about. Black operations, things the government kept under wraps, Area 51, crap like that. What the hell did any of it have to do with Kenshin?

 

“You say he's not talking to you. I take it he hasn't told you what his tour of duty overseas was like then?”

 

“No. He's always too vague. `I was near such and such a city. The desert's not as hot as they make it out to be.' Things like that.”

 

“Mmm…” Saitoh hummed, putting the file back in his pile of papers and quietly drawing a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. Kaoru frowned at the pack and opened her mouth without thinking. “Should you really be smoking those when you're still in the service?”

 

Saitoh glanced at the pack and back at her before extracting a cigarette with deliberate slowness and placing it in his mouth. “Sometimes,” he told her with a cold smirk, “we need a vice to keep us going. It's really none of your business what I happen to choose as mine.”

 

He pulled out a zippo and flicked the silver lid open, lighting the cigarette and blowing an acrid cloud of smoke in her face. “As for your boy, Himura, if he hasn't told you what he did overseas, it's really not my place. I'll call him and speak to him about seeing a therapist who specializes in PTSD. I think I know just the woman. In the meantime, he won't ever tell you anything if you don't ask him to. That's really all that's in my power.”

 

Kaoru nodded, glancing back at Kenshin's file and quietly wishing there was some way she could sneak it out with her. She had a feeling that in that seemingly innocent folder lay the exact reason why Kenshin was hiding from her, why he had the scar on his face, what he'd done for the last three years.

 

“Since you apparently don't take subtle hints,” Saitoh growled, shaking her from her thoughts, “that was a dismissal. Get out of my office.”

 

Kaoru stared at him with her mouth hanging open for all of two seconds before glaring fiercely and storming out the door slamming it grandly behind her. The moment she'd stepped out, Saitoh picked up his phone and dialed a number. He waited three rings before it was picked up. “Himura? There's something you might want to know about.”

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kenshin flipped his cell phone shut with a frown dressing his face and a glint of amber in his eyes. He'd known Kaoru was up to something, but he hadn't quite expected anything so…sharp. Against his better judgment, he admired her effort. He'd seen more than a few first year troopers nearly wet themselves when faced Hajime Saitoh, but she'd stood her ground. Not only that but she'd also managed to glean more information than he was comfortable with from the lieutenant. Now he was faced with several problems.

 

He knew that she would come home and confront him. It was not Kaoru's way to brood. If there was something bothering her, she confronted it. It was the way she'd dealt with things even before she knew him, from school yard bullies to a sexist college professor, she'd faced every one of them down. His foremost problem was that he didn't want that confrontation to come.

 

He did not want to fight with Kaoru. He admired her when she was angry, but also feared her. She was beautiful when fiery with anger. With the sexual tension built between them, he feared what his actions might be. A fight between them would end one of two ways: he'd storm out and not come back or he'd jump her and take her to her bedroom.

 

His next problem was that Kaoru would do her damnedest to wheedle what she wanted to know from him. He'd evaded her questioning too long and was now faced with what her punishment could be. And the worst part of this was that he knew he deserved it. Hiding from her had never been his way and keeping himself from her was taking its toll.

 

Most of all, if the tension snapped, if he did sleep with her, he feared he wouldn't be able to leave her, and that just wasn't fair to Kaoru. She did not deserve to be anchored down by a man so steeped in blood and regrets that he had trouble seeing the good in life. She needed someone to laugh with.

 

He found himself with essentially two options. He could stay and face her, which was not exactly his most favored idea. Or he could call Sano and ask to stay with him and Megumi until he could get a place of his own. With a sigh, Kenshin flipped his cell open again.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kaoru made her way home very slowly. Though Lt. Saitoh hadn't been exceptionally helpful to her, he had given her a little food for thought. Kenshin had been in black ops. The very idea seemed ludicrous. Kenshin had worked on secret government operations? Her Kenshin? She'd had enough trouble picturing him in the military in the first place. Never mind trying to see him doing things the government didn't want the rest of the world to know about.

 

Now she had to think about how she was going to confront him with this information. Honesty seemed the best policy, but she wasn't sure how to even start a conversation like that. “So Kenshin, I talked to your commanding officer and found out you were involved in secret government work. Want to talk about it?”

 

But how could she possibly be subtle? Was there even a right way to go about doing this or were they all equally horrible? She desperately wanted to sit down at some coffee shop to think about her situation but at the same time felt a certain urgency in her chest. What were the chances of losing her nerve? Extremely good.

 

She had no plan, but she had her resolution. It had always served her well in the past. Quietly, her chin determined, she sped her pace to return to her home—to return to Kenshin.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kenshin frowned at his phone and flipped it shut. Sano was answering neither his home phone nor his cell. It left Kenshin at a loss for what exactly he could do. He could always stay at a hotel for a night. He wasn't exactly short on money, though the amount he did have would only get him so far. Resolutely, he turned to his room to start packing.

 

He'd only just started packing his clothing when the doorbell rang. He resisted the urge to swear loudly and rushed down the hallway to the intercom.

 

“Kamiya residence,” he spoke, trying to keep frustration from his voice.

 

“Himura? Is Kaoru with you?”

 

Kenshin's brows knit together as Aoshi's voice filtered through over the static. “No,” he said slowly.

 

“Good. Come down. You and I are going out for coffee.”

 

“Aoshi, this really isn't a good…”

 

“You seem to think you have a choice in the matter, Himura. Get down here.”

 

The man's icy voice brokered absolutely no argument and Kenshin had little doubt that he would storm the apartment building and drag him out by the hair if need be. While a duel with Aoshi might be somewhat interesting, it would also be extremely dangerous. With a soft sigh of frustration, Kenshin snatched his coat and slipped out of Kaoru's apartment.

 

Aoshi was waiting for him, leaning against the side of the building as still as a statue. His eyes flickered open as Kenshin emerged from the building. Without a word, the taller man began walking to a silver BMW parked in one of the visitor's spots. Kenshin followed, feeling more and more nervous by the second. Aoshi didn't say much, but if one knew how to read him, it was easy to see exactly what he was thinking. Kenshin could hardly remember a time when he'd seen the man so pissed off.

 

The car ride to the coffee shop was silent and tense. Every once and a while, Kenshin glanced sideways at Aoshi but the man was cut off and isolated in a way he normally refrained from doing around friends. His body was rigid, eyes dull with only sparks of fury to light them.

 

A short ride later, Aoshi parked the car and stepped out, stalking into the shop without even waiting for Kenshin. By the time the redhead had come into the building, Aoshi was already holding two styrofoam cups of steaming coffee. He seated himself at a booth and looked pointedly at Kenshin and then the seat across from him.

 

Kenshin seated himself slowly, accepting the coffee from Aoshi but not daring to drink quite yet. The taller man took one sip of scalding coffee before pushing the cup away almost violently.

 

“For Kaoru's sake, I didn't do this at the club. Now however…” His voice was quiet and had nearly no modulation in its tone. He glared at Kenshin, icy eyes coming alive with a fury that surprised the redhead.

 

“What the hell were you thinking?”

 

He paused a moment and Kenshin almost began to answer, but Aoshi started up again. His voice changed from monotone to passionate, a tone Kenshin had never heard in Aoshi outside of the courtroom.

 

“You know most of us don't agree with that war, Kenshin. You didn't even talk with us about it. You didn't say goodbye to anyone but Kaoru. You never wrote. You disappeared for three years from our lives and left us to pick up the tattered pieces. And for what? A tainted government hell bent on getting as much oil as possible as cheaply as possible at the expense of human lives? I thought you were better than this.”

 

“And I thought you were one to hear out both sides of an argument before taking sides,” Kenshin shot back quietly, allowing just a touch of venom to creep into his voice. “Do not judge what you do not know, Aoshi.”

 

“Then tell us, Kenshin! For God's sake! Don't think we haven't noticed the changes in you. You're colder, withdrawn even. Sometimes you're worse than I am. Not to mention that scar on your face. How many scars do you have that we can't see? Damn it, make me understand!”

 

“I don't know if I can.”

 

“Try,” Aoshi insisted, an unusual amount of emotion showing through his cold exterior.

 

“I don't even know where to begin.”

 

“Try the beginning.”

 

“I don't think I can tell you everything.”

 

“Try,” he said again, his voice even more insistent.

 

Kenshin sighed and contemplated his coffee. Where did the beginning even begin? Maybe the day he decided to sign up? His mind flashed to various moments in the weeks that had led up to his departure, as he'd quietly signed away his soul.

 

“It…it started with a man who came in to give a talk at the university. My old professor contacted me because he thought I might be interested in hearing what the speaker had to say. He was a philosopher studying the nature of human strife. The talk he was giving was to be a discussion of differing points of view in war with introspection into how each side views the other. He'd been overseas and traveled through the whole of the Middle East interviewing commoners and terrorists and people in places of power to hear their views. Then he did the same thing in the States.

 

“The talk he gave…it was amazing. It's hard to see things from the opposite point of view. It just…made me think. I started researching the war, trying to search through the political propaganda and into the heart of things. The conclusion I came to was that I could do the most good by joining the war and offering my services in such a way that maybe more lives could be saved.”

 

He paused for a moment, wondering if Aoshi had heard enough to be satisfied. A quick glance at the taller man told him that Aoshi was thinking on his words, chewing them slowly and then digesting them to be carefully placed in a corner of his brain reserved specifically for introspection at a later point in time. Icy eyes glanced at him and silently commanded him to continue. Kenshin repressed a sigh and took a deep breath, carefully editing the information he would give Aoshi.

 

“At basic, one of the officers noticed I had a martial arts background. He asked me to spar with him. His name was Lieutenant Hajime Saitoh. Toughest opponent I've ever sparred with. When we finished our match, he took me to his office and gave me an offer to join a special squad under his command. He explained the purpose of the squad and what I'd be doing. It was what I'd been looking for—something where very few civilians would be in danger and I could make a difference in getting the war over more quickly. I took his offer, but it was not exactly…I wasn't as prepared for it as I thought I was.”

 

He stopped talking, staring into his coffee and idly noting that it was slowing tinting red. The ghost scent of copper touched his nose and he had to resist the urge to push his coffee away.

 

Aoshi stared at him, aware that there was more to the story but unsure whether he should demand to hear it. One look at Kenshin's face, though, told him he had already pushed his limits as far as this particular subject was concerned.

 

“Why didn't you say goodbye or write?”

 

Kenshin gave a bitter smile. “I was ashamed. It was as simple as that. I knew how you all felt about the war. I…didn't want to…it seemed like it was for the best.”

 

“But you said goodbye to Kaoru,” Aoshi pointed out, his eyes trained sharply on the redhead's features to watch his reactions.

 

Kenshin stiffened and turned his eyes downward. When he spoke it was barely above a whisper. “I…I wanted to see her one last time, to try to make her understand. It…” he trailed off, unsure what he was trying to say.

 

“You're still in love with her.”

 

Kenshin glanced up sharply to see Aoshi sipping out of his coffee and looking quiet smug, though no smile touched his lips.

 

“What do you mean `still?'” the redhead asked, his eyes guarded.

 

“Kenshin, one would have to be both blind and deaf to not see how much you cared for her before you left…and how much you still care for her now.”

 

For a long time Kenshin was silent. He always thought he did a good job of hiding his feelings for Kaoru. He'd been careful to try and date around, though he never allowed it to go very far after what Tomoe did to him. He'd never made any romantic advances towards Kaoru. So how had anyone noticed? Perhaps he hadn't been as careful as he thought.

 

Finally, almost absently, he said, “I kissed her.”

 

“Yes, at the club. I saw it.”

 

“No, not there. That was close, but not there.”

 

Aoshi was silent, but he raised a brow inquiringly.

 

“I…had a nightmare. She was in it. When I woke up she was right there and I just…I didn't even think.”

 

“Understandable.”

 

“She's angry with me, though.”

 

Again, silence. Aoshi was never one to use unnecessary words.

 

“I pushed her away.”

 

At this the taller man frowned. “I've never understood why you hide your love from her. She cares deeply for you and she was the one who tried to initiate the kiss at the club.”

 

“I don't deserve her,” Kenshin murmured as he took a sip from coffee that tasted of blood. “I'm not going to stay in her apartment anymore. She's determined to try and help me and she just…can't. And the sexual tension between us is so bad I'm afraid I'm going to jump her with or without her permission.”

 

Aoshi stared at him for a long while before leaning forward to rest his chin on his interlaced fingers. “I think you underestimate her.”

 

Kenshin shook his head and quietly sipped more of the coppery coffee.

 

“Before you decide whether or not to move out, there's something you should know. If you still want to move out after I tell you, you can come stay with Misao and I until you find a place.”

 

Kenshin looked up worriedly. He had a feeling he wouldn't like this news of Aoshi's one little bit.

 

“Some things are for Kaoru to tell, but I can share a little with you. After you left she…had a mental breakdown, for lack of a better term.”

 

Kenshin's eyebrows shot up in surprise and he nearly dropped his coffee. Of all the things he'd been expecting to come out of Aoshi's mouth, that was probably the last.

 

“For a week, she staid in her apartment and didn't come out. Her place of work at the time fired her before we realized something was wrong. She didn't eat or drink and didn't sleep unless exhaustion took her. She wouldn't even speak. All of us tried to snap her out of it, but nothing worked. We started talking about sending her to the hospital. Finally Megumi went in there. I don't know what she said, but it got Kaoru to come out.

 

“After that, she wasn't the same. For weeks on end, all of us hovered over her and forced her to live. That was when we found out you'd left. It was our conclusion that your departure was the cause of her state of distress, but she insisted it had nothing to do with you.”

 

Kenshin was stunned, speechless even. Kaoru, his Kaoru, had shattered because of him? He found it impossible to swallow. She was strong. Much stronger than he was. Yet he'd caused her to break. The world faded away from him and all he could see was her shattered, shadowed face on the night he turned and left her. You broke her, his mind hissed at him.

 

Resolutely, he looked up at Aoshi. “Take me back to her apartment,” he whispered harshly, eyes glinting gold in the light of the evening.

 

The ride home was completely silent. Aoshi didn't speak because he didn't feel it necessary and Kenshin didn't speak because his mind was still turning over his newfound knowledge about Kaoru. It seemed so impossible to him that Kaoru, his bright, happy Kaoru, could ever lose the will to live. The very idea did not mesh with her character. And yet he knew he could trust Aoshi's word at the very least.

 

All thoughts of moving out of her apartment had already been shoved away in this knowledge. He would get to the bottom of this before the night was done if he had anything to say about it. Aoshi pulled up in front of the building and let him out. As Kenshin turned to shut the door, he leaned down for a moment.

 

“Thanks, Aoshi.”

 

“Not at all, Himura.”

 

“Just out of curiosity, why were you so angry when you picked me up?”

 

“It's not often Kaoru comes to our doorstep and bursts into tears. It's not her style,” Aoshi told him shortly, eyes flashing. Kenshin thought for a moment and realized Aoshi must have meant Sunday when she'd disappeared for a while.

 

“I'm sorry, Aoshi. We've both been…I mean…”

 

“I understand, Himura. But know this. If you break her again, I will kill you.”

 

Kenshin acknowledged the threat with an understanding nod and shut the car door. He turned on his heel with amber fire in his eyes. He and Kaoru had a great deal to talk about.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kenshin approached the doorstep of the apartment with a thousand thoughts on his mind. Those thoughts were momentarily dispelled when a familiar voice shouted, “Kenshin!” just before a body collided with him. He was barely coherent enough to catch his balance as he attempted to identify the person currently embracing him with all the strength of a small bear.

 

After a moment he managed to stutter, “Ya…Yahiko?”

 

He had completely forgotten the boy, who was no longer such a boy, was visiting today. Crap! his mind said, crap, crap, crap. I'm not ready for this.

 

“Kenshin,” Yahiko said again, disentangling himself from the older man, “it's so good to see you.”

 

Kenshin managed to summon a smile and said, “And you also Yahiko. You certainly have grown.” He nearly grudged the young man that, as Yahiko now stood about five inches taller than his own 5'1”. Though the boy's features had gotten older, they were still recognizable. Mischievous brown eyes still shown out from a startlingly tan face framed by eternal bed head.

 

“You guys were supposed to be home when I got here,” Yahiko pouted, completely avoiding Kenshin's small talk.

 

At that, Kenshin's eyebrows went up in surprise. “Kaoru's not home yet?”

 

“Well, if she is, she's not answering the buzzer.”

 

Kenshin's frown deepened and he stepped around Yahiko to try the door. She may have been visiting Saitoh, but that still shouldn't have kept her away for too long. Pressing the buzzer he spoke into the intercom. “Kaoru, are you home?”

 

He removed his finger and waited a moment. No one answered. “I must have beat her home,” he murmured, more to himself than to Yahiko.

 

“Don't tell me you don't have a key,” the teenager groaned.

 

Kenshin had the good grace to blush a rather impressive red as he turned back to Yahiko. “Kaoru hadn't gotten around to getting a copy from the superintendent yet.”

 

Yahiko snorted before sitting down on the step. “Guess we're waiting for her then.”

 

“I suppose,” Kenshin sighed, sitting down next to the boy. They each sat on the doorstep, sneaking glances at the other and trying to decide what to say.

 

“How has school been?” Kenshin asked after a moment.

 

“Oh…it's school. I hate chemistry, but I have to take it.”

 

“Have you decided what you'll major in?”

 

“Not really. I've thought about a couple of different things. Physical therapy, chiropractor, those sorts of things.”

 

“Whatever happened to becoming the best kendo instructor this city has ever seen?”

 

“I figure once I've built up enough money from those jobs, I'll retire and open a dojo. Can't start a dojo without capital.”

 

“I suppose,” Kenshin murmured, trying to think of something to keep the conversation on Yahiko and not on himself.

 

“Do you have a girlfriend?” he asked after a moment, noting the blush that immediately sprang on the boy's cheeks.

 

“She's…ah…well she's not really my girlfriend.”

 

“Oh, then what is she?”

 

“Well, she works at Tae's restaurant as a waitress and we've kind of gone a couple of dates, but…I mean…”

 

Kenshin laughed softly as Yahiko became more flustered. “It's alright, Yahiko. I won't demand any details.”

 

Yahiko grinned sheepishly, running a hand through his hair and furthering its disheveled state. They settled into their slightly uncomfortable silence again as Yahiko gathered his courage back up and Kenshin grasped for another inane question. Yahiko, apparently, made himself more coherent first.

 

“Why'd you leave?” he asked softly, gazing at the setting sun instead of at the man he was questioning.

 

Kenshin was also silent, contemplating the sunset and exactly how close to the shade of blood it really was. “I left…” he said after a moment, “…I left because I felt that I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing the thing that would save the most innocent lives.”

 

Yahiko blinked, glancing sideways before turning his gaze back to the west. “I don't think I understand.”

 

Kenshin sighed before turning to the younger man with a rueful grin. “I hope you never do.”

 

“But I want to understand.”

 

Another sigh came from the redhead. “Sometimes, you are presented a path where there is no right answer. I chose the path that I thought would help the most people, even though I was doing things I knew my friends might not necessarily agree with.”

 

“Kenshin, I'm not a little kid anymore. Say it plainly.”

 

Silence followed the statement. For so long, Kenshin simply hid behind his bangs. Yahiko began to think the older man might not answer. Finally, soft words came from behind the fiery curtain of hair.

 

“This world is a messed up place, Yahiko. We're fighting a war we shouldn't be in for reasons that are invalid to everyone but those who profit from them. But just because the cause is wrong, doesn't mean we shouldn't fight. There are people over there who had no part in any of the wrongs their government committed. And they are suffering. I left to help those people, even if it meant killing in the process. I believe I did what was right for the world, even if it might not have been the best for me.”

 

Yahiko remained quiet for a moment and Kenshin hoped the boy wouldn't say anything more, but he did. “You once told me that no person's life is worth another life. That no person deserved to be killed, no matter what it was they did wrong. Does this mean you don't believe that anymore?”

 

Kenshin's hackles rose at the question. It was one of the things he'd tried very hard not to think about as he traversed the deserts on his missions. Was the one person he was killing, was their death really comparable to the lives he might be saving. Could one person be sacrificed for the greater good? But then, had not his sanity been sacrificed for the greater good, also?

 

Minutes passed and Yahiko let them pass in silence. Either Kenshin would answer or he wouldn't.

 

At long last, so quietly it was nearly a whisper, Kenshin spoke. “I don't know, Yahiko. But…I'd like to think…that other people will believe it more strongly than ever now.”

 

Yahiko nodded. He turned his face back to the sunset, identifying the car coming down the road as Kaoru's. Kenshin was not the man Yahiko remembered. But that didn't make him a bad man, either.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kaoru pulled up to her apartment building without really seeing it. Her mind was in a state of infinite loop still completely caught in Saitoh's office. On the one hand, her mind vehemently denied everything the lieutenant had told her, dismissing it as no more than a vindictive and bitter man out to make her more paranoid than she already was. On the other hand, she didn't really think that Saitoh would lie to her if he thought the truth was much more devastating. He seemed to be the type that would enjoy other people's misery. Slowly she stepped from the car and fumbled to place her keys in her purse. A shadow fell in her line of vision and she looked up distractedly only to drop her keys when she was faced with burnished gold.

 

Kenshin faced her, his face stony and his eyes narrow and cold. In the dying sunlight, his skin was tinged red and his hair darkened to copper. She watched the metallic strands float from his face in the chill autumn wind and catch the light in hypnotizing patterns. They might have faced each other like that until the sun set if not for the audience they had.

 

“Hey, Ugly! It's about time you showed up.”

 

Kaoru started again and peered over Kenshin's shoulder at Yahiko. The boy glared at her pointedly and made some sort of frantic motion that she interpreted as “hurry up already.” Absently, she knelt down, looking anywhere but Kenshin as she retrieved her keys.

 

Her frozen mind kick-started as she managed to grasp the right key. One look at Kenshin's face told her everything she needed to know. He knew exactly what she'd done. She didn't even question her assumption. What else had she done that would warrant the chill she could sense permeating the air between them?

 

Kaoru brushed past Kenshin without looking at him and hurried on to Yahiko. “Move out of the way,” she commanded without any real anger. The young man stepped aside and cast a curious glance between the two. It was as though with Kaoru's arrival the very temperature of the air had dropped five degrees. As he glanced at Kenshin he saw a flash of indistinct gold that he'd only ever witnessed once before.

 

Yahiko's eyes narrowed, his brows knitting together as the tension increased. Kenshin had changed. So had Kaoru. But Yahiko had never felt anything like this between them before. He didn't like the feeling. He began carefully filing information in a mind still razor sharp from life on the streets. Sano would be hearing from him soon.

 

Kaoru opened the apartment door and ushered both men in without meeting either set of eyes. She sidled in behind them and allowed the door to shut before hurrying up the stairs. She felt Kenshin and Yahiko behind her but didn't look back.

 

In the evening shadows Kaoru felt odd, like she was a stranger sneaking into her own apartment. Everything seemed so wrong, so absolutely alien. Suddenly she wanted to be fifteen again, back before everything had started going wrong. She wanted to be in her old house where memories of her mother still lingered and her father was readily available for any comfort a hormonal teenage girl might need. Where Kenshin, though unattainable, was someone she trusted with anything and everything.

 

The stifling urge to just turn tail and run back to her car, to just keep driving until her mind emptied of all the thoughts of war and death and loneliness were mere memories in a peaceful mind. But she was too much of a coward for that. Much too much of a coward.

 

A/N: Greetings everyone. I'm sorry I've been gone so long. There have been some rough patches in my life of late, all of which have not been exceptionally conducive to a writing environment. However, I'm hoping for a turn in the weather, as it were. I think the desire to write is finally coming back. The back story between Kenshin and Tomoe will be revealed shortly. It will be of a non-canon flavor and I'm going to apologize in advance for that. And, as a last note, this chapter is 15 pages in word, so I hope that makes up for my absence.

“Hate War, Love the…Warrior.” -Lt. Gen. Harold Moore