Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Shards of Me ❯ Fourth Interlude: The Grounded Sparrow ( Chapter 11 )

Disclaimber: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki. The main plotline of this story is completely fictional. Situations should in no way be considered truthful or based on real events. Political opinions expressed in the story are mine. If you do not agree with said opinions, do not flame me for them. Do not stoop so low as to berate me for what I hold to be truthful. Some smaller side stories may be based on factual events. I will alert you if they are.

 

Warnings: Angst-overload. But it had to go in there somewhere. Character death…sort of.

 

Shards of Me

 

Fourth Interlude: The Grounded Sparrow

 

The worst day of his life. No perhaps the worst week…month…year. Far worse than the death of his parents. He'd been young then and hadn't fully understood the implications of death, of never seeing a person again. Now he knew all too well the fear of losing someone dear. The phone call had come early in the morning, halfway through his first philosophy class of the day. Mr. Kamiya was in the hospital. He'd had a stroke in the night and Kaoru had found him as she'd been getting ready for school. The medics said he'd been dead before he even reached the hospital.

 

Now Kenshin waited in the painfully sterile room designated for friends of the deceased. Hiko sat as a solid warmth directly to his left and Sano and others faced him in the chairs across the room. The tall man was slumped slightly, his face set in a worried scowl. Aoshi was unusually stony and even Misao remained quiet, huddled in the chair with her arms wrapped around her knees.

 

Kaoru was in the next room discussing with the doctors all possible implications of her father's death. As a citizen of the legal standing age of 18, she technically couldn't be processed for foster-care before she finished high school. Even if she could, she had no living relations. Beyond that, she was making arrangements for her father's burial. Their family had not been rich by any stretch of the imagination, and Kaoru would probably have to cremate her father and release his ashes somewhere, rather than have them properly buried with a tombstone. She probably wouldn't even be able to have a proper funeral for him.

 

Kenshin had left his class the moment he'd gotten the news from Hiko and sped through what was normally a two hour drive in just a little over an hour. By the time he'd arrived at the hospital, Kaoru had already been in with the hospital's administration.

 

Even now, Kenshin's mind had difficulty wrapping around the news. He kept expecting to see Mr. Kamiya walking through the door with a jovial smile on his face and his walking cane in hand. Flashes of memory came to him. The first time he'd seen Kaoru's father at her first tournament. The first time he'd eaten dinner at the Kamiya household. The time her father had taken him aside and warned him never to toy with Kaoru's heart. Mr. Kamiya's gift to him for his eighteenth birthday. Such a strong, kind man struck down so quickly, and so cruelly.

 

Another hour passed in painfully silent waiting until Kaoru finally appeared in the door. Her hair was disheveled, caught up in a hasty bun. She still wore the sweats and tank top she slept in. Her eyes were rimmed red and puffy and her cheeks were so wet he could not tell if she was still crying.

 

Slowly, he stood, unsure of what to do. He'd never had to comfort someone in this capacity before. Kaoru remained in the doorway for a moment, her eyes traveling across the taught, drawn faces in the room. Kenshin felt Hiko stand behind him, the man's tall presence comforting instead of hard and disciplined as it usually was.

 

“Kaoru…” Kenshin began hesitantly, his voice quavering just a little.

 

“Oh, Kenshin!” He stumbled back into Hiko as she threw herself at him, her voice catching as she sobbed. Regardless of whether or not she'd been crying before, she was certainly crying now.

 

“Shhh, Kaoru….shhh…” Kenshin could feel their friends rising around him as Kaoru's arms held him tighter, her sobs turning into hiccups as she lost her breath. He clenched his eyes shut as tears threatened in his own eyes. It was as much Mr. Kamiya's death as her pain that weakened his resolution to be strong for her.

 

He felt Hiko's large hand move past his face to gently rest on Kaoru's shoulder, lending her some of his immense strength. Misao was more direct, throwing hands around both Kenshin and Kaoru, her face tight and determined even as tears leaked down her cheeks. Sano quietly joined the group by awkwardly putting one arm around Kaoru's shoulders and giving her something to lean on. Aoshi joined last, his hand resting on Kaoru's back and rubbing small, gentle circles. They stood a long time that way, Kaoru's sobs gradually abating into soft, occasional hiccups. Eventually, Kenshin realized that she was nearly asleep against his chest.

 

“Would you like to go home, Kaoru?” he asked her quietly, inclining his head towards her ear to speak as softly as possible.

 

She shook her head against his shoulder, sniffling and tightening her grip momentarily. “Could I crash at your place for a while?” she asked, her voice tight and rough with tears. Kenshin glanced awkwardly back at Hiko enough to see the older man nod.

 

“Sure, Kaoru. We'll be there for as long as you need us.”

 

Slowly, the group disentangled until Kaoru was just in Kenshin's arms again. He carefully shifted his grip on her and lifted her off the ground, one arm still hugging her shoulders while the other supported her under her knees. With a mournful, slow pace, the entire group left the hospital, a funeral procession for a man who would have no funeral.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kenshin quietly left his room, taking one last glance back at Kaoru who had collapsed on his bed in exhaustion. Hiko was waiting with sake in the kitchen. The redhead sat in the twilit room across from his master and quietly accepted the sake dish, tossing the liquor back in one shot. A carafe appeared on the table and Kenshin poured himself another dish.

 

“What will become of her?”

 

“Well, she's nearly done with high school and technically her father's house and dojo belong to her. I suppose she'll finish out the year, spend the summer there, and then sell off the house to pay for college.”

 

Kenshin's eyes narrowed and he took another sip of sake. “It seems so unfair.”

 

“You of all people should know how unfair life is.”

 

“I do…but this is Kaoru we're talking about.”

 

“Well, you shouldn't worry so much. I plan on looking in on her often. She's certainly not going to be alone. Sano, Aoshi, and Misao will still be around.”

 

Kenshin was silent and the two of them continued to drink. “Do you think she'll be alright?”

 

“Kaoru's a strong girl. If anyone can cope with this, she certainly can.”

 

The two of them stood long vigil into the night and finished off two and a half carafes of sake. On the last dish, Hiko raised his cup. “To Koshijiro, a good man.”

 

Kenshin murmured assent before standing, proud that he didn't wobble under the influence of too much alcohol. He walked on silent feet to his bedroom, willing his body to not belie his rather drunken state of mind. When he made it to his room he started with surprise to see Kaoru still asleep on his bed. He froze just inside the door, caught in indecision. He hated to wake her, but he really didn't want to turn around and try to make it to the guestroom while pretending that he wasn't seriously considering falling over. Kaoru made the decision for him.

 

Slowly she sat up, looking small and alone on his bed. Her hair was disheveled nearly beyond recognition, her eyes raw and red from crying, and her face blotchy. “Kenshin?” she croaked, her voice painfully hoarse. “What time is it?”

 

“Ridiculously late. Go back to sleep, Kaoru.” The word “ridiculously” was slurred almost beyond recognition.

 

She blinked at him for a moment. “But this is your bed. I should move…” She began to get up and he moved quickly to stop her.

 

“Just sleep, Kaoru. I'll go to the guest room.” She looked at him and seemed lost, as though unsure what was appropriate given the situation.

 

“Stay for a while? I just…don't want to be alone…”

 

Kenshin's face grew solemn and he nodded, slowly lowering himself to sit on the edge of the bed. She clasped his hand and curled onto her side. He sat until her breathing became even and then began to rise, ignoring the sleep that was creeping into his eyes. A whisper stopped him in his tracks. “Please don't leave.” Kenshin looked down at her face. Her eyes were closed and he couldn't be sure whether or not she was sleeping. After a moment, he lowered himself again to the bed. Her hand tightened on his.

 

Kenshin didn't move from the bed. He wasn't sure exactly what time it was, but he knew he was very tired. The next morning he would not remember laying down on the bed, or gathering Kaoru in his arms, or falling asleep. When he awoke at ten o'clock though, it was to a very awkward situation. He was thoroughly wrapped around Kaoru and slightly hungover, but he blushed fiercely when he realized that she was already awake.

 

The redhead quickly began disengaging from her, mumbling apologies as he went. She just watched him, her eyes still horribly puffy and her face drawn and pale. “It's alright, Kenshin,” she murmured. He paused at the edge of the bed and looked at her questioningly. “I asked you to stay and you did. I really appreciate it.”

 

The blush flamed higher on his cheeks and he quickly nodded before rushing from the room, leaving her to try and collect herself. Hiko raised his eyebrows as Kenshin rushed into the kitchen, moving immediately to the sink to get a glass of water.

 

“Have a good night?” he rumbled, his tone teasing.

 

“Shut up.” Two ibuprofen appeared near Kenshin's hand and he turned to glance at the large man moving around the kitchen.

 

“For the hangover,” Hiko explained. Grudging thanks were muttered as Kenshin tossed back the pills. Kaoru appeared in the kitchen a moment later and both men went silent as she stood awkwardly in the doorframe.

 

“I want to thank you both. You have no idea how much I appreciate everything you've done for me.”

 

“Nonsense, Kaoru,” Hiko thundered. “You're as good as family. It's the least we could do.” His words clearly did not have the intended effect as Kaoru's face broke and she began to cry again. Kenshin watched, caught between bemusement and worry as Hiko panicked, clearly unsure of what he'd done or how to fix it. He looked at Kenshin with an incredulous look and nodded at her as though to say, You're better at this than I am.

 

The shorter man nodded and went to Kaoru putting an arm around her shoulders as he led her out of the kitchen. Hiko heard the younger man mention something about taking her home. Resolutely, the master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu turned to the fridge and dug out something that could pass for lunch. “There's a reason I never married,” he growled as he found bread lingering in a back corner. “Never could understand women to save my life.”

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

“Is this the place?”

 

Kaoru nodded, her face tight and her eyes just as red as they'd been a week ago when her father had passed. Koshijiro's body had been cremated, but no funeral had been planned and no cemetery plot was paid for. Instead, Kaoru told them about the spot where her father and mother had met. It was where her mother's ashes had been spread and where she wanted to lay her father to rest. With calls to each of their friends, they set a day to spread the ashes and met at Kaoru's property on the day. Now, they were on a dirt road twenty miles from nowhere, or so it seemed.

 

Kenshin pulled the car to the side of the road and shut it off, his eyes traveling Kaoru and the urn of her father's remains, clutched tightly against her chest. “Do you…need a minute?”

 

She nodded and he stepped out to survey the place she'd brought them to. A farmer's field was on one side of the road, the new spring furrows already planted with wheat. Sano joined him shortly.

 

“They met out here?” the taller man asked incredulously.

 

“Kaoru said that this land was once her maternal grandfather's and he farmed it before it passed to his brother. Kaoru's mother was out here reading a book under one of the trees and her father's truck broke down just near the tree. From there, it was kind of a whirlwind romance.”

 

“Huh…good story.”

 

“Yeah,” Kenshin said softly, his mind traveling through strange thoughts, “it is.”

 

Misao and Aoshi joined them shortly. The dark, quiet man walked into the field and ran his hand over the tops of the wheat sprouts and weed stubble left on the side of the field from last year's harvest, a frown furrowing his brow. “This seems a lonely place to leave him.” His voice was unreadable and his eyes shuttered.

 

“It's where her mother is,” Hiko said, his booming voice quiet for once. They stood in silence. The day was dark, pearl gray clouds rolling overhead. A sharp wind whipped across the open ground, reminding them that even in late spring winter could blow its final breath. Kenshin stared at the trees and wondered which one was the one that Kaoru's mother had sat under so long ago. Distantly, he could see a decrepit house, the wood sagging from disrepair. Kaoru had said the field was still farmed, but a family who lived farther away had bought it.

 

The sound of a car door opening echoed behind them and Kaoru emerged from the car, her face once again tear streaked. Kenshin felt his shoulders tense. Everything seemed so awkward and unceremonious somehow. She made her way past her friends with unseeing eyes. They all followed slowly as she made her way towards the copse of trees about fifty yards from the road.

 

She stopped in front of a huge elm, the branches thick and low to the ground. No one had ever pruned the monstrous limbs and under different circumstances Kenshin might have been tempted to climb it. He tugged at his tie uncomfortably as Kaoru gazed up at the tree, starting with surprise as she began to climb the branches. “Kaoru, will you be alright with that urn?” he asked, his voice slightly worried.

 

“I should be fine. I don't need to be very high up.” Her voice was quiet and unsteady. She ascended a few more branches, bracing herself about ten feet up against the thick trunk of the tree. “You guys should…” her voice caught and she took a moment. “You guys should move upwind.”

 

Misao looked vaguely confused for a moment as the others started moving until the stood upwind of the branch Kaoru stood on before she understood that the ashes would fly with the wind straight at them. She hurried after Aoshi and latched onto his arm the moment they stopped. He took her into a warm hug as tears began welling in her eyes.

 

“Kaoru,” Hiko called up to her, “would you…like to say anything?”

 

The young woman looked down at her friends, her family really, and tried to think of something to say that wouldn't sound hollow, fake, and empty. After a moment she shook her head. “If one of you…I mean you could…”

 

Hiko understood and looked back at the others, wondering if any of them could say anything that would be even remotely fitting as a eulogy. They stood together for five minutes as the cold wind danced with hair and clothing. Finally Hiko sighed and said, “Koshijiro was a good and honorable man. Where ever he is now is a better place where hopefully he can rest with Kira, his beloved wife. He was loved and he will be missed.”

 

Though short, Hiko's words rang with a kind of fitting simplicity and finality. Kaoru lifted the lid on the urn and slowly upended it. The fine gray ash was lifted instantly by wind and Kaoru watched the scarves of it fly away on a breeze. When the urn was empty, she dropped it into the brush below, not caring whether or not the impact broke it. Slowly, she slid down the trunk of the tree, crying and trying desperately to hold back her sobs.

 

The others watched her, not quite sure what to do now. Hiko withdrew a small flask from inside his ancient suit coat and uncorked it, pouring the contents over the base of the tree. Looking at the bark, he saw a name was carved deeply into the side. Brushing his hand over Kira's name, he considered for a moment. The others approached him as he withdrew from the tree. He looked over the mourning faces. Misao was crying into Aoshi's chest and the taller man's face was set like stone. Sano was also crying, though he was working very hard to keep his face from doing anything else. Kenshin was dry-eyed, but his focus was on the girl still in the tree.

 

“Let's head back,” Hiko said gruffly. The others nodded and began working their way towards their cars…all except Kenshin. Hiko stared at his surrogate son for a moment before pressing his pocket knife into Kenshin's hand. The redhead looked down in surprise. “When she gets down,” Hiko said quietly, “you know what to do.” Kenshin glanced at the tree trunk before nodding. The big man turned away and stalked towards his car, long trench coat sweeping behind him like some overblown cloak.

 

He glanced at the knife in his hand before pocketing it and swinging lightly up the branches until he was perched on the same ancient bough as Kaoru. She glanced at him as he settled further out, his legs dangling over empty space. He looked thoughtful and he glanced at her as she uncurled herself enough to sit next to him, leaning into the comforting solidity and reality he represented.

 

“You know what's terrible?” she whispered as he slid an arm around her shoulders. Kenshin waited, knowing she would continue regardless of his answer.

 

“It's not really his loss that I'm crying for. I'm crying because I don't miss him. I don't know if it's because his death hasn't sunk in completely or because we were never really that close, but for whatever reason, I feel like a horrible person. He's out there somewhere and I'm alone and I'm not even sad about it. Is there something wrong with me?”

 

Her voice was hushed and harsh, her face drawn and gray with her own self-loathing.

 

“Kaoru,” Kenshin murmured, his own tone surprised and unsure, “there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.”

 

“How do you know?” she shouted, her voice breaking. “How can you be so sure?”

 

He gazed out at the gray field, the wind whipping his hair around his features. He had the sudden feeling that if he and Kaoru could just fly away on the gale, they would both be better off for it. Life would not get any easier for them in the future.

 

“I know, because I've never missed my parents.”

 

She glanced up at him, her blue eyes raw and sparking with shame. Underneath that though, Kenshin could see the slight glimmerings of hope.

 

“You know my parents passed away in an epidemic when I was seven. They were in the Peace Corps so they'd leave me with Hiko when they were traveling. I was never really close to them, though I remember I thought my mother was the sun and the moon. They were all I knew outside of the dojo. But when they passed away and Hiko explained to me what death was, I found myself strangely…empty inside. I'd always thought that death would be accompanied by an overflow of emotions, so many that I would go mad or wouldn't be able to contain them. Instead, all I felt was the absence of any kind of emotion. My parents were dead. The world would go on. When I looked at pictures of them, I felt guilty for having no other feelings to feel, but that was the way it was.”

 

He was gazing into the swirling mass of clouds, so he didn't see Kaoru studying his face with a slightly awed gaze. A few raindrops struck Kenshin's neck and he tilted his head back, gazing into the tree's depths. Oh so slowly he tipped backward and Kaoru screamed when gravity suddenly took over and he fell. The sound was abruptly cut off as Kenshin's knees came around and caught the branch. He reached up with both hands, freed his legs, and then dropped to the ground, looking up at her with a sheepish grin, though his eyes were still solemn.

 

“That…” she squeaked before trying again, “that was not funny, Kenshin Himura. You're going to regret that.”

 

She scuttled out of the tree as he laughed at her, holding up his hands in submission. Her rage faded half way down though, and by the time she reached him she was again subdued.

 

“Kaoru,” he said, placing a gentle finger under her chin and forcing her to look at him, “I needed to snap you out of that mood somehow. Forgive me?”

 

She looked at him, her eyes weary, but alive at least.

 

“And for the record, Kaoru, you're not alone. As long as I'm around, you will never be alone.”

 

The redhead enfolded her in a hug as her face crumpled again with tears. These tears, however, were the tears she needed as she finally cleansed herself of her father's death and of her guilt. When she was finished crying on his shoulder, he gently pulled away and handed her Hiko's pocket knife. She looked at him questioningly until he pointed to the bark behind her. She looked at him for a moment before moving to the tree with resolution, flipping the blade open as she went. He watched as she carved her father's name into the tree and added his date of birth and date of death, just below her mother's. Standing back, she stared for a moment. There was still something missing.

 

After a moment, she began carving again. Kenshin stepped forward and watched as a small bird formed in the wood, its shape rough hewn but beautiful in its simplicity. To the bird's beak, Kaoru added a tiny flower. As she stepped back, the sky opened up and began to rain in earnest. The wood darkened with water, making the carving stand out sharply and in a moment of surreal imagination, Kenshin was positive the bird would rise from the wood and begin to fly. The moment passed though and the bird remained stationary.

 

“It's a sparrow,” Kaoru said quietly. “It was our family's symbol before we moved from Japan. The flower is for my mother.” Kenshin nodded as she stepped back into his embrace. They stood staring at the letters long enough for the both of them to soak through to the skin.

 

“Come on,” Kenshin murmured at last. “Everyone will be waiting for us at the dojo.”

 

She nodded before slipping from his arms and walking to the car, only glancing back as she opened the door. Kenshin lingered a moment, the wind whistling an eerie tune in his ear. It was almost as though Koshijiro was saying goodbye. “Don't worry,” Kenshin whispered. “I'll take care of her for you.”

 

A/N: Yeah, so. More than a year. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. For any of you in college though, you understand what took so long. I'm attending one of the most difficult smaller, universities on the East Coast and it's definitely taken its toll on my hobbies. Art? What art? Writing? Only if you're talking about that twelve page research paper. But I've returned with a strong desire to get this story out to you all. You'll note there's another chapter after this and I have another thirty pages of actual story and another interlude in need of editing, but almost ready to go. I'm going to go look at reviews now and thank those of you who left them personally. For those who simply read and watch, thanks also, for your patience.

 

“Hate War, Love the…Warrior.” -Lt. Gen. Harold Moore