Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ The Crooked Path Series ❯ VII. Vigil ( Chapter 7 )

Well... here we are. The end of the series. I'm almost missing the sleepless nights it gave me. ^_^ C&C will earn you an enthusiastically-glomping Yasmin.

If anyone's interested in further ramblings from me, I also put up an "Author's Notes" thingy. I'm going to bed now.

Notes: Ueda Akinari is a prominent writer and poet in late 18th-century Japan. He's best known for "Ugetsu Monogatari" (Tales of Moonlight and Rain), a collection of supernatural tales.

Rating: PG-13 for swearing.

Am I being nice here? You decide.

The night breathed, ancient weariness easing a little as Amaterasu's glorious mantle glowed faintly in the dark sky. Water gurgled at the back of a small restaurant, where a young woman prepared the first batch of rice for the day. Elsewhere a man shouted raucously, banishing the misty hush.

Sanosuke jerked awake, dreams and nighttime anxieties fresh in his mind. He blinked, dull eyes fixed blearily on the unconscious man before him. Chest tightening, he leaned forward, heedless of the book falling from his lap. It landed with a thump, unheard.

He stroked Saitou's cheek, taking guilty pleasure from the warmth of his former lover's skin. An accidental brush against a scabbed graze made him flinch, and he retracted his hand. He moved his chair closer, so he could rest his elbows against the bed.

"You're alive," Sano said softly, luxuriating in the words. "I still can't believe it -- me, rescuing you. And I didn't fuck up. I didn't kill you."

Saitou exhaled, frowning as he unconsciously shifted nearer to Sano. The younger man watched, fascinated by the angles of his lean face. Something had changed in Saitou, and Sano wondered if they could ever meet in the middle again.

If they had ever done so in the first place.

Kenshin had dropped by for a quick visit, accompanied by Kaoru. They'd noisily tried to persuade him to leave Saitou's bedside, until Ryouko stepped in with a firm glare and herded them away. His teacher had taken one long look at him and promptly disappearing, only to return half an hour later with a change of clothes and some food.

"Classes will be canceled for a week," she'd said, pressing a chaste kiss on his forehead. "Get a shave, Sano. Stubbly chins may look manly, but they feel like sandpaper."

Then she left, and he was alone with Saitou. He'd taken her advice, doing his best to forget the teasing tone in her voice, while Megumi fussed over the unlikely patient. Blood had swirled in the water as he washed himself, most of it from veins other than his. He'd noted vaguely that his knuckles were scraped and raw.

Sano's eyes burned. Tiredly he reached down to pick up the book, dropping it onto his lap. He didn't feel like reading, but there was nothing else for him to do while he waited for Saitou to wake.

"I didn't realize you even knew who Ueda Akinari was."

His mind froze, hypnotized by the amber gaze. Sano's mouth, however, moved automatically. "You don't know a lot of things about me, Saitou," he snapped before his intelligence caught hold of his voice and told it to shut up.

Saitou's eyes took in the bruises on his face and the way he favoured his left shoulder. "You look terrible," he commented blandly, treading lightly over the unfamiliar terrain.

"And whose fault was that?" Sano's movements were wary as he watched his former lover, like a hurt animal poised to flee. "A thank you would be nice, y'know."

Apprehension struck him like lightning, fiery and swift. Saitou let his gaze roam over Sano's form, but he could find only one reminder of the lover he knew: the habitual white jacket. Even the red bandanna was missing. Over Sano's dark kimono and hakama, the jacket looked like the garment of a ghost.

He stared into the haunted brown eyes, and saw pain. He saw wistful longing, determination, exhaustion... and underlying all that, a hint of joy dampened by fear. In more ways than one, Sano had changed.

"Ah, Sano," he sighed, reaching for the young man's hand. "I'm sorry. I let my pride hurt you badly."

Sano snatched his hand away from Saitou's touch, cradling it close to his chest protectively. He stared at the amber-eyed man in disbelief, not quite willing to accept what his ears insisted he heard.

"Do you really expect that to make everything better?" he asked quietly, not bothering to hide the bitterness in his voice. "An apology doesn't quite cut it, Saitou."

Amber eyes sought his in the brittle, frozen moment. Sano shivered at the expression, the coils of anger in his stomach unraveling into need and sorrow.

"I don't know what to do," Saitou whispered, pride and control dying into hollow husks. "I don't know how to make it better, Sano. I'm sorry to disappoint your high opinion of me, but I'm human and I'm fallible."

Bedsheets crumpled in his fists. "If I let myself love you like you wanted, Sano, I'm lost. You make me want to give up everything that was always mine -- my duty, honour, control -- and I am not sure I will mourn too deeply if I do. Which I cannot, under any circumstances."

Saitou closed his eyes, suddenly feeling very old. "I had a dream where I gave myself up to be lost, for you. Unfortunately, the world is rarely kind to dreams."

Silence hung like a spiderweb, a trap for the unwary. Did he say the right thing? Tokio was his duty, and he thought that Sano was his choice -- but this hungry beast they wrought together was something he never planned for, let alone knew how to tame.

"Wolves follow their nature, but men make their own destiny."

A waft of cold air washed over his body, and he felt the bed shift as something heavy settled on the mattress. Warm arms circled him, resting his head against a muscular chest. Hands tilted his face, careful not to aggravate his head injury.

"Last time I checked," Sano mumbled into into his hair, "there're two people in a relationship. You and me. I don't want you to give up anything for me, Saitou. Just trust me to find you when you're lost, 'kay?"

"I'll find you... I'll bring you home again, so you can leave in the morning as Fujita Gorou and get hurt where I can't help you."

"You don't have to pretend to be the big bad wolf around me. Don't you think I know you're human?" His lips kissed the older man's temple. "I'm not like Koga and the others -- I'm with you because I love you, not because I want anything from you."

"Except my heart," Saitou retorted sharply.

"You already have mine. Think it'll work as well as yours?"

Saitou chuckled, leaning into his embrace. "It's a good thing we're not exchanging minds, ahou."

"Oi! I'll have you know that I've been taking lessons."

"In thinking?"

Sano gave an amused snort. "Sorta." He stirred uneasily. "Koga's dead, by the way."

He felt Saitou smile.

"I killed him because I had to."

"Hn."

"Mostly."

"Ah."

"Saitou, I swear that if you're not gonna say something, I'll punch you."

"Why should I?" Saitou grasped his hand, entwining their fingers together. Bringing the clasped hands to his lips, he kissed Sano's knuckles. "Your actions speak louder than words." He hesitated, but was unable to resist. "Barely."

"Let's see if you're still laughing after I clean your clock, mantis-head."

He missed this, the easy banter between them before the delicate connection turned horribly wrong. Rubbing his cheek gently against Sano's shoulder, he breathed in the younger man's scent.

"I can't promise you anything," Saitou said harshly. "I cannot pledge that we will have an easy life if we pick up where we left off, because of who we are."

Sano's soothing kiss silenced him, at least momentarily. "We'll talk more tomorrow," he said, draping his jacket over their blanket for extra warmth. "Now sleep."

"I run the risk of getting killed with every mission," Saitou continued evenly, inexorably. "Or I might be forced to fake my own death. The outcome is the same: you will never see me again. I... can't promise I'll return home to you."

"Just as long as I know you tried." Sano snuggled closer to him. "We can deal with it after we've had some sleep," he muttered drowsily. "Can you just hold me tonight? Please?"

"Tonight, yes." Saitou wrapped his arms around his former lover, trying to find a position comfortable for both of them. He ended up half-lying on Sano, their hearts beating against each other. "Tomorrow..."

But tomorrow was far off yet. Tomorrow they could deal with the hurt and anger and the rough edges where they did not quite fit, but for now they could pretend that their private world was stronger than a soap bubble. In this world, for all their differences and the changes writ by time, they belonged together.

Saitou's eyes drifted shut, lulled by the rise and fall of Sano's chest. He had so much to say, and he was half-afraid that the words would evaporate like dew under the sun.

Tomorrow. He would find out tomorrow.

-owari-