Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ When Angels Fall ❯ Winter's Death and Grace That Falls With Cherry Blossoms ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

When Angels Fall:

Winter's Death and Grace That Falls With Cherry Blossoms

By: Kiamirei

- Rurouni Kenshin and its characters don't belong to me.

Winter had just broken, and the beginnings of spring could be seen
almost everywhere in Tokyo. Green grass was poking up out of the
ground, and though the trees still had no leaves the temperature was
pleasant; not too cold, but not too warm, either. It was for this
reason that everyone was in a good mood at the Kamiya-dojo. Ayame and
Suzume were playing happily, and Yahiko Myojin went about his practice
with full vigor. Kaoru smiled to herself as she swept the floors,
humming. Surprisingly, Sanosuke Sagara and Megumi Takani had even
stopped bickering. Kenshin Himura, though, was happiest of all. He
hated winter. There weren't many things or people that he truly hated,
but he loathed winter. He wasn't happy about the direction the new
government was taking, but it was merely a disliking. He scorned those
who needed to defeat him for their own pride, but that was a hell of a
lot different from abhorrence. Winter, though, he hated.

It wasn't the cold that he couldn't stand. No, it was something far
less trivial than complaining about the temperature. It was simply
that although it had been over a decade, cold months still depressed
him, especially as it approached the day etched in his heart forever.
And when Kenshin was depressed, not just sad, regretful, or
remorseful, like he often was, he was absolutely miserable, locked in
his own cage with bars made of despair. He wasn't clinically
depressed, he knew, but nonetheless, he couldn't bear it.

And during the month he hated the most he also couldn't stand himself.
Winter was when Tomoe had died. Not only that she had died, but that
he had killed her. He'd killed the first person he had loved, aside
from Hiko, and in that case it was a father-son type relationship
anyway. Sort of. It was his fault she had died, and it was in the
winter. The time of his failure, of his anguish, and his ultimate fall
from grace.

Kenshin was saddened when the petals fell off of the cherry blossoms,
too, but that was a bittersweet sadness, and he didn't hate it. The
beautiful flowers falling to the earth reminded him of Tomoe's death
-such a beautiful woman, inside and out- falling to the ground, and
also himself. The boy who, after all these years and the separation,
still used the name that Hiko had given to him. He was fully aware,
and had been for years, that he could have been something great,
something good. If he had continued studying, and listened to his
teacher, he could have lived the life that true swordsmen of Hiten
Miserugi-Ryu were supposed to. He could have protected people that he
loved. Instead, he had deserted his teacher with the hopes of
protecting the weak, and ended up getting used by Katsura as an
assassin. After Tomoe's death he had agreed to help Katsura once again
-as a soldier this time, choosing for himself who needed to die,
completing the personality of the other Kenshin. So instead of
becoming a true swordsman, he had first become known as a Hitokiri.
And not just any hitokiri; he had become the hitokiri, the one that
all other hitokiris, save a precious few, measured themselves by,
comparing themselves to him. He had become the Hitokiri Battosai, and
had paid for it with loss; his loss of Hiko as a teacher, his loss of
the first love of his life, Tomoe, the loss of his own worth (at least
in his mind), and the loss of his spirit. He could not kill again now,
because he would be the Hitokiri Battosai, not just a skilled
swordsman. Also, he needed to repent, though he didn't know what that
would do for him. Perhaps nothing; Kenshin still expected to rot in
hell after his death. It was true that he could have started over, and
gone by the name Shinta, but it was also true that the little boy that
Hiko had saved disappeared from the face of the earth when it met with
the man who was perhaps the greatest swordsman on earth. To call
himself Shinta now would just be to wear a mask.

He was torn away from his thoughts when he heard Kaoru walk up to him.

"Kenshin! You're awfully happy today, I must say. Any special reason?"

"Ah...no, no reason, really. I just like the spring, I guess." No
reason except for being able to forget Tomoe, partially at least., he
thought. Thinking of her makes me too depressed, and the more I
remember how much I loved her and owe to her the more it hurts, even
though I've come to terms with her death. Hell, I've even met someone
else who I care for. Also, it brings me much closer to the mind of the
Battosai than I'm comfortable with. It gets worse every year, and for
longer periods of time...

"I see. We're all going to the Akabeko soon, so hurry up with that
laundry, okay?"

"Alright," he said, smiling.

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"You know, Sanosuke," Kaoru said, "it's bad enough that you don't help
out around my house, but it's even worse when you don't help pay for
the meals!"

"If I had any money on me, I would have."

"So you purposely go around broke, just so you don't have to pay?"

"Yeah, I guess you've got it pretty much righ-itai! H-hey! Stop that!
That hurts!"

"It's supposed to!"

Kenshin laughed along with everyone else.

"Well, Sano, it seems that it would be in your best interest to pay
up, that it does!"

Sanosuke just mumbled curses at him, nursing his aching jaw.

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That night, Kenshin found that he had trouble sleeping, no matter how
much of a good mood he had been in that day. It was cold out, which
contributed to his insomnia. He was feeling restless, which was
strange for him, as he could not think of another place he would
rather be in the world, and

(Kyoto, I want to go to Kyoto; Kyoto is where the enemies are/were)

even if he could, he knew he would not want to leave his friends here.
They had been nothing but kind to him, and he'd come to accept them as
his new family, and especially liked Kaoru, though not in the way that
he was fond of his other friends. His parents had died of cholera when
he was very young, and after that Hiko had been his father figure, the
only other person he'd come to love

(except for Tomoe, never forget Tomoe. She was in Kyoto too...)

until arriving in Tokyo.

He finally surrendered, and got up and cracked his back, sword still
in hand. Even after over a decade he slept sitting up with his weapon
in hand and against his shoulder, peaceful times or Sakabatou or no.
Now, though, sleep would not come, so he paced the room.

It wouldn't be wise to go out; what if someone needs me here if
something happens in the night? He reminded himself.

As he could not come up with a reason for his unusual wakefulness, he
simply paced. For hours. There was about an hour left before dawn
when, thankfully, he found he could sleep. But it was only about three
hours later that he woke up again and started the new day.

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When the new day did start, he was surprised to find that it was a
little cooler than the night before, which was unusual for the time of
the year. Still, he put a grin on, annoyed at the weather but
determined not to let it bother him. After breakfast, the first thing
to do was the laundry. He found that the routine was helpful to him,
allowed him to forget about the lack of sleep and the lack of hunger
that morning. The only downside was that the water was also cold. But
on the bright side, Ayame and Suzume helped him too.

"Hey, Keniisan!"

"Yes?"

"When we're done, let's play!"

"Yea let's play!"

Kenshin smiled and laughed; those two could always brighten his day.

"Alright. But first we have to finish this, that we do."

"Yeah, Keniisan," came an amused voice from behind them. "You'd better
finish that, or Kaoru over there might beat you with her wooden sword.
You know how violent she is."

"Sano!"

He tried to sound a little condescending, but failed miserably as both
of them started laughing. In a few seconds the girls joined in too.
Sanosuke would have said something else, but then Kaoru herself showed
up.

"What's so funny?"

"N-nothing. Kenshin's just doing laundry and Suzume said something
funny, that's all."

"Okay...Kenshin, when you're done, would you mind running into town
for some tofu?"

"But we and Uncle Ken were going to play!"

"Yea play!"

"I'm sorry, you two, but it seems that I have to go into town, that it
does. You can wait, can't you?"

"No!"

"No!"

"Why don't you come with me, then?"

The girls thought this over a few seconds before deciding that it was
an acceptable trade off.

"Alright then. Sano? Are you coming?"

"Actually, I've got somewhere to be. I'm meeting some friends."

"Okay."

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Two hours later, Kenshin, along with Ayame and Suzume, had just
arrived back at the house with their tofu and were currently playing.
Megumi had returned to work with Genzai, and Yahiko was again
practicing. Kaoru was cooking lunch, and Sano had returned from
meeting (which actually meant gambling money that he really did not
have) with his friends. He was currently standing next to Kaoru, both
watching Kenshin in the yard. Also, he was wondering when the food
would be ready, though he knew that ask was to invite her scolding him
as useless, a leech who always took from her but never gave anything
back. Therefore, he simply watched the food being made, and his friend
when he got bored of that. Kaoru smiled as she put down the cooking
long enough to fix her jet-black hair.

"You know, he seems so happy this time of year."

"Yeah."

"Not normally, but almost unusually happy, you know?"

"Yeah...actually, come to think of it, you're right. He's like someone
who had a hard battle to fight, and has just finished it as the
victor."

"I wonder why."

"I dunno, but if he hasn't said anything, it's probably best not to
ask."

"I know. He's here, and he's our friend, and that's all that matters,
ne?"

"Right." Although I think maybe you wish it were just a little more
than that, don't you Kaoru, Sanosuke asked her silently.

And then, right in his ear, she called out.

"KENSHIN, AYAME, SUZUME, YAHIKO! LUNCH!"

"Ow! Did you have to scream in my ear?"

"Did you have to stand right there?" the girl retorted smugly

Sanosuke just grumbled to himself.

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In the evening, Kenshin was pacing again, this time in the yard.
Something was on his mind, but he had had trouble figuring out what it
was the night before; perhaps it would be different now, when he was
wide awake. He wasn't alone for long, however. Kaoru had come up to
him.

"Kenshin, is anything wrong?"

"No, of course not. I'm just a little antsy today, and I wanted to
walk it off, that I did."

"I see. I didn't think you really were; I just wanted to make sure.
After all, you're in such a good mood lately."

"I guess I am. Like I said before, I like the spring."

Of course he liked the spring, and of course he was in a good mood.
Spring came after winter, which was when the Incident had happened. He
called it the Incident to himself whenever he was around Kaoru, to
keep out mental pictures that he didn't want to get. Mental pictures
of him killing Kaoru, which would come even though he knew they were
impossible with his Sakabatou, if he let them. He didn't.

"It's a little cold out tonight. That's unusual, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. But warmer weather will come eventually, that it will."

"I know."

They walked in silence after that, until they both got tired and went
in. Again, though, Kenshin found he could not sleep. That fact made
him a little nervous. He rarely had sleepless nights now. When he was
known as the Hitokiri Battousai, and even before that, he had learned
very quickly to fall asleep whenever he wanted to; he never knew when
he would be needed. A little insomnia usually meant that some aspect
of his past was bothering him, but this time he couldn't think of
anything that was making him feel guiltier than he normally felt. Even
when that happened, he could usually force himself to sleep after an
hour or to, so when things like this happened it made him slightly
scared. When things like this happened, it sometimes meant that the
Battousai was getting restless.

It's the cold; it has to be the cold, he tried to convince himself. It
should be fairly warm, but it's a little cold, like the winter decided
that it wants to stay a little bit longer than it usually does.
Perhaps -no, that isn't likely at all. Not at all. I wouldn't even
think anything of it. It's just the cold that's making me uneasy. Just
the cold. And it isn't even that cold anyway. It's just the cold...

And he repeated that line over and over in his mind as if trying to
convince himself of its truthfulness until once again, it was an hour
before dawn and he fell asleep.

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Well, Part one is done with. I know it had almost no plot, I'm sorry.
Please email me and tell me what you thought. Thanks!