Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Where Are You Now? ❯ Chapter 5: A Lost Soul ( Chapter 6 )

AN: Well, well, well, here I am again with yet another chapter. I have to tell you all now this is now my biggest story yet that I have even worked on. All my other stories will have to wait since I really want to finish this story for once. Also I would like you all to read the story "Honest Nothing." The writer happens to be my sister and is another Okita writer out there, so please go searching for it under Saitou, rated R, romance. There you go and on to my story!

Disclaimer: I was watching Samurai X the other night when quite suddenly the lights go off during a windy storm and everything goes quiet. I literally pissed my pants when I saw this greenish transparent figure appear in my closet mirror. And there, acting all big and fancy was Okashira Phoenix with her usual evil grin on. She told me that I could never in all my dreams have Okita nor Samurai X or RK. She disappears and all the lights come on as well does my TV and there laughing Okita says, "Yes, yes, yes." Gerrrr Okita is agreeing with the Phoenix!

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Where Are You Now?

Chapter 5: A Lost Soul

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``I don't want you to go, but I do need to know. What is this feeling between us, the feeling that I am unable to caress? You play with me night and day, and make sure that I do not stray. My feelings for you are growing numb, from not being able to hear you hum. So listen to me pray, read the words that I say. Do not leave me my firefly, rekindle your fire and do not die…..' -Jeri Tout

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A room full of darkness and the only thing that lit the space was the window behind him, but that was okay, he was used to reading in the dark. Smoke slowly drifted upwards to spread apart at the ceiling, the cigarette that he was holding was about to finish its last ring of tobacco. In his other hand was the newspaper that he constantly read over and over. Saitou was feeling a bit annoyed, there was nothing that showed him the cause of the deaths of Botan Dai, Jomei Kadoyama, and some other insignificant men.

The only thing that bonded all these men together were the plain fact that they were old samurai's and that they all sold opium to people in Japan. Saitou didn't care though, unless one of those people enraged a ninja he didn't think of it as any significance. His gloved hand tapped on the end of the cigarette and the last of the ash had fallen to the wooden floor.

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Fujita residence

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Tokio, the mother of one and the wife of a former-captain of the Shinsengumi, never in her wildest dreams would her father allow her to marry such a man. Saitou was different though, he didn't really scare her to make her feel uncomfortable, he usually did what she asked him to do such as smoking outside or even take care of Tsutomu for a while. Surely people were afraid of him in the past because he was the Wolf of Mibu but now a days he's just a police chief.

Tokio, the 28-year-old female is just doing what her feminine part tells her to do. She grabbed a dirtied cup and began to wash it in the bubbling water. This morning though Aiko was acting like a child, which was adorable nonetheless by the fact she was acting like that to Okita. Immediately she thought that Aiko would be all smiles today but again Tokio was wrong, Aiko still did the things that regularly did not even glancing at Okita, Eiji, or Tsutomu. Still pretending to be quiet as if a bird had lost its beak, why is it when she is happy for one second she goes back to being the same old child that Tokio had grown to love.

Okita on the other hand seems to be nothing but this warm smile that could make anyone's day a little brighter…….except for Hajime who seemed unable to have a smile. To think that the strongest of the Shinsengumi captains could actually smile and give a warm company to those who are desperately in need of something in their lives.

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Repeating the same step over again, dipping her brush in and making shapes on the page her mind pondered on the many thoughts that seemed to have escaped the facilities of her mind. Aiko's eyes remained lonely and saddened by all the years that she was alone, even if she now has a radiant light that remained to show her a way through her difficult life. Her hair lay over her shoulders and her hand moved delicately as it created the words that were left unsaid for such a time.

No movement was heard through her ears, silence making it way around her body and room. The whole house was quiet; not a single word went through the air. Instead of writing more Aiko closed her book on the nearby table and left it there. She stood up and just like the rest of the home that she had come to know, soundlessly walked to the shoji and opened it to see the afternoon sun still high above the mountains. Aiko remained quiet until she began to hear someone coming, also hearing a slight yawn when the person approached.

The young woman turned her head to see the only person who actually bothered her whenever she wrote. His face had begun to turn pale once more, but his eyes were still as bright as they ever are. Instead of greeting him with a smile like she always did she just stood there, half-tired and half-awake. Even still, Okita gave a more comfortable grin and began to sit himself down by her door. Duplicating what he did Aiko sat right by him, no word seemed to go through the air today, or so that was what Aiko thought.

"Aiko-chan today will be a beautiful sunset don't you agree?"

Aiko made no response and continued to look at the mountains, Okita didn't understand what was wrong with her today. It probably was the fact that she was used to not talking to anyone. Laughing to himself he could remember the times when she loved to talk, loved to act just like her father and her mother. He closed his eyes just for a brief moment, listening to the sound of birds chirping.

(Flashback)

"Hey little girl get back here!"

"No, I'll run away from you any day Harada!"

Aiko stuck out her tongue and the now irritated Harada, it was like this everyday, and Aiko constantly ran away from him for stupid that reason and she always, always it never failed played with Okita. No matter how many times he'd tell her to get changed into a kimono, she'd run outside in her hakama and gi and sometimes hid from him though he could never really find her. There she stood, with one of the most evil grins on; he knew it for sure this time she had something up her sleeve. If he turned away she would act like he just hurt her, and if he ran after her, he'd be thrown into one of her horrible plans.

"Why you little brat!"

`What the Hell, I'm going to get something bad either way.'

As he launched to get her in his hands, she swiftly dodged him (all thanks to Okita's training), Harada looked down into the fast coming pool of water and realized what a stupid trick he had fallen into this time.

**SPLASH!**

Harada poked up his head out of the water, a fish wiggling about in his mouth, he looked back at the little girl who had disappeared long ago. Spitting out the fish back into the pond, he proceeded to stand up once again until he slipped and repeated the same damn trick that Aiko had made for him. He was surely going to kill that wretched girl before sun comes down.

"Taking a short dip Harada-san?"

Harada looked up to the returned youngest member of the Shinsengumi captains and just by the look on Okita's face, he really pitied him. Okita's hair was just like any other time he had seen him, black short strands straying from his forehead, clumped together from sweat and moisture that his body provided. His lips slightly curved in to show a delicate smile.

"Hey shut up, that damn little girl just wouldn't-"

"Papa!"

Both the captains looked over at General Kondo only to see the little girl propped up in his arms, and would you believe it, she was wearing a kimono. Harada's head was literally covered with steam and his eyes were narrow and red. Okita on the other hand, was just plain out laughing from the man's stupidity with children. He continued what Harada was going to say.

"Get her kimono on, believe me Harada-san, it will always happen so do try and give it up. You see she quickly gets it on before her father comes home, so there is really nothing to worry about. Unless Kondo-sensei sees her in boys' clothing then perhaps there might be some arguing."

The nineteen-year-old man stood up from the spot; his blue and white uniform swayed with him as he did so. He was so different from all the others who joined the Shinsengumi, he was constantly happy or so it seemed and he always was with children whenever he wasn't killing men who wished for a false peace.

(End)

Okita opened his eyes to the now setting sun, the mountains soon showing the remorse look of silhouettes in the distance. Time could really fly when you fall asleep; Okita moved his left arm until the awkward feeling stopped him. He moved so silently and so softly to look at the object that leaned on his arm for comfort, it was Aiko. Her thick head of hair flowed away from its current position, waving over her cheek and wandering down the side of her neck.

Her eyes stayed closed for the moment, enduring all the sweat blisses of dreams kept to herself. Okita didn't want to wander into anymore corners of his mind, to love this woman for him, would be trying to love his sister. He just couldn't love Aiko, in his eye's she was still a child to him, an inner child just like how he was during the days of the revolution. Okita pushed his arms under her, making it smooth enough to lift her into her arms. As he began to raise her, he was caught off guard on how horribly light she was as if he was picking up a feather.

He walked into the medium-sized room, with Aiko in his arms he did his best unraveling the white futon onto the floor with his feet. Of course not all of it was easily spread out but it didn't matter, he set the woman onto the futon and brushed away her hair with the backside of his hand, from her mouth back to where it belonged. Her body had become even more fragile over the past eleven years, so fragile that it seemed she possessed what her mother did, an unknown disease that could not be cured. The delicate line of her lips entranced him as he tenderly drew a finger lazily across her soft, moist lips. Something inside of him shook, wanting to hold the woman with all of its might……

"Aiko-chan, if I stay much longer I will soon put you into suffering unlike anything else before. I will stay one more night here with you and Saitou-san's family. Gomena Aiko-chan."

The softness of his voice appeared to tremble with the last words that he spoke; though intentionally he didn't even mean to. Beginning to stand up once more something in the corner of his eye caught his attention. A dark brown book, showing some signs of old tear and new tear. Beside it sat a brush with its ink sat down by it, lid safely covering the odor. Okita walked over to the table on which it sat, closed and screaming to be opened just like the words in the book willed to be released from their jail. Sitting down in the most comfortable position, Okita opened the book to reveal so much writing that Aiko had done. He flipped through the pages; nothing seemed to catch his eye until he finally fell upon one word. `Papa.' Craving more words he vigorously read the rest of the page.

`Dear Papa, I'm wanting to tell you this, not to tell you that I still hate you, but just to ask you how you've been. And how our world fell apart. Are you happy up there in your great wide world? Do you think about your disobedient daughter, do you miss your little girl? When you lay your head down, how did you sleep at night? Do you even wonder if we're okay? Just to let you know that I truthfully am, though I do not know about Takara.

But, it's been a long hard road without by my side, why weren't you there all the nights that we cried? It is not okay, but we're all right, I remember the days when you were a hero in my eyes. But those are just a long lost memory of mine. I spent so many years learning just how to survive by myself, now I just want you to know that I'm still alive.'

The book dropped onto the floor, making a loud noise that echoed through the entire house. A headache had erupted in his skull; his hands wrapped around his head tightly, the very few moments that his eyes stayed open the world began to swirl into a circle. A blurry hand and a pink sleeve was the last that he saw, both of them closing his vision, preventing him from getting dizzy all at the same time. His body seemed to quake, making his mind go blank with no more thoughts lingering.

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Aiko held onto the trembling Okita, her arm wrapped around the front of his face. The suffering he had been doing had been going on for long enough; his pain would kill him someday. She gripped tighter onto his gi, pulling him more close than ever before, not letting herself rest until the moment that he stopped shaking. Her body strained to actually keep him close to her chest; there must be some way to calm him, to stop his agony. Hot hands pulled on her kimono, tugging on it ever so slightly but enough to indeed bring her arm down.

Suddenly, the shaking stopped and the tugging grew more horrid, acting as if she were suffocating him. His quiet whimpers were very audible in her mind and his breathing was the most fearsome of all that was occurring; now sounding like he was choking, dying of no air. Aiko didn't care; she wanted to hold him right now to make sure that he doesn't go limp right then and there. She had watched her mother hold him like this, but Aiko before could not hear his breathing nor whimpers from the distance. Tears came up into her eyes as she watched Okita's arms loosen a bit, her body also loosening itself from the torturous strain that she had caused on herself.

Now his hands fell to where his legs laid out-stretched, and his body's fight soon gave up and so did Aiko's. She tilted his head back a bit, and removed her sleeve from the bottom half of his face. Slight droplets of blood wetted the pink sleeve, returning her gaze to the now calmly sleeping form of Okita, her body collapsed onto his. Her head fell forward to the side of his and her ears listened to the soft sound of his breathing.

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"Qi! Hey wait up for me, I'm still slow remember!?"

The night sky sparkled with such elegance, every little star making its life known in the heavens above. They had been running from the stupid policemen for over a course of two days now, and the men didn't even show any signs of stopping. If the Okashira Phoenix didn't do anything quickly, she and her people would be in real trouble.

"QI!"

Qi stopped after the boy had horribly shouted; now for certain they would know where they are. Her ninja clothing made her body unable to be seen, covering half of her face and the rest of her body. She ran over and picked up the boy Mareo that was making such a ruckus and began once again to climb into the trees from where her followers gathered. The policemen had picked up their pace and now only a few meters away. Qi promptly covered the boy's mouth as she hid in the darkest spot of the trees. Hiding on the other side to make sure that the light that they had would reflect on her body.

The stomping footsteps began to alarm the nine-year-old boy but it did not seem to worry the leader. The group of men came to a slow stop by the order of their chief…… Peering down with the half of her face that she still had, she noticed something very peculiar. Long silently came down the side of her, and took out his hand in an offer to take the boy from her. Qi agreed and shoved Mareo into Longs muscular arms. Soon after Long disappeared with the boy, but some commotion was coming around as the policemen argued. She continued to look down to where they all stood and talked to each other. Then, someone came out of the following carriage, a tall dark man who showed no signs of age or anger. Dark long bangs came to the front of his face as he stared at the moronic men before him.

"Captain Fujita, everyone thinks that we should turn back."

He said nothing but stared at the spot in the trees that seemed to have life, a certain ki had taken him out of the carriage. The same hard gaze that Qi wished never to see again, it was certainly without a doubt, Hajime Saitou, the former Captain of the third squad in the Shinsengumi. Looking straight at her or so it appeared, his grip on the sword which kept held to his hip, he started off with his left foot towards her.

She had to get out of this situation, she couldn't get caught and leave her clan, she needed to……

Qi jumped as high and as fast as she could above the men and Saitou, trying her hardest to not to get noticed, but unlike all of China, Saitou saw. Under the moonlight just like a wolf howling to the moon, how could he not suspect where she was. Her baggy uniform flowed like the wind as she disappeared into the woods once more, this was her terrain, and he wasn't about to follow her here. Saitou lit a cigarette and held it in his white-gloved hand, yet again the Okashira had gotten away from him.

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Blackness, yet again all he saw was the blackness of his mind, kneeling with nothing but a huge mirror, which cascaded so far away. Above the mirror the man who was hurt during the revolution, and under the man which fought during the days of the Bakumatsu. Nothing but silence and his breathing rang in his ears, pounding his eardrums as if trying to shatter them. What was his mind trying to show him? Okita closed his eyes for only a short moment and reopened them to the mirror under him. Looking at what he was in the past, every movement he displayed the mirror did the same.

"Okita!"

The almost silent yell echoed through the deadened light, in front of him almost a spec but very clear was a young girl running for him. Or so it appeared to him as a young girl, a long dark blue kimono and a thick head of brown hair rushed at him with an intensive speed. He looked up to the mirrored girl, who panted on her way over to him. The reverberating sound of a child's footsteps not stopping, when she had came to a fair distance for him to see he wished he hadn't.

`Leave me alone Aiko, I just want to be alone.'

"Okita! Where are you?!"

The question shocked Okita, couldn't she see him? The little girl that he saw in front of him clearly was questioning his very existence, but Aiko wasn't a little lost child anymore was she?…..

"Aiko I'm right here."

The answer did not reach the little girls ears though, she still ran with her full strength, hoping to find the one person she always turned to. Okita instantaneously stood up on his feet, and then it hit him……. The person that so horribly wanted to come out of him this whole time, the one person who could hold Aiko with the sense of comforting her inner soul. Had that person hid himself from Okita eyes? Time around him stopped and the younger form of Aiko slowly disintegrated, and the ghastly surroundings transformed into the farm from which he grew up in, Shirakawa.

The season of which the cherry blossoms fall, and the waters begin to slow from the raging summer gently came into Okita's view. Everything was the same as he had left it, people still tending to their farms. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, all this time he never dreamt of seeing his hometown once again.

"So you have figured it out dear Soujiro."

Okita spun around to look into the swirling pink thickness all around him, and there in the middle of it all was the woman which tormented him night and day.

"Natsuko."

Her soft and gentle smile never went away from her; she kept it with her till the end of her days and continued to smile even now. What was she doing though, why was she here talking to him?

"Natsuko, I've missed you….."

Gently tilting her head, her smile increased.

"I have missed you dearly as well my baby brother."

Okita was stunned by what he was saying, he couldn't return the smile his sister was giving him. A tender smile that he kept with him after her death at first he just wanted to be stronger; to live for her but all of that changed when Kondo-sensei introduced the newest member of his family, Aiko. Then, her tenderness turned sorrowful on him, and the look that remained on her face was a look of sadness, though she hid it with the smallest of smiles.

"I have lost you Soujiro-"

It felt as if all the words he wanted to say to her had began to get stuck in his throat. She had lost him, but how could she, he was still with her? Now he knew he couldn't smile to her, show the affectionate grin he had gained over these many years.

"Your laughter and your soul has been tormented. You will to live and your will to stay that you are, are now becoming strayed. The days of the revolution are gone and the pain reality of killing people should have gone long ago but every night and day you relive those memories as a sense of punishment. Soujiro you have done enough for yourself and your people but mostly you have overdone yourself on avenging my life. You have had enough, let you life continue happily without taking the orders of commanders."

"W-what are you talking about sister?"

Her head tilted back into place and her smile came back into view.

"I'm telling you to live Soujiro."

Her form and the rest of the surroundings disappeared back to the same lonely blackness that he had drifted from. He stepped forward to look for her form once more; she left him again, left him with nothing but despair. The last thing he ever wanted was to be alone without anything to guide him through life.

"Natsuko, don't leave me alone."

"But you're not alone Okita."

The woman's sudden voice made him turn around, there stood Aiko with her hands kept behind him and her smile just as it always was. Her long black hair flowing down the front and back of her. No sadness was shown in her deep brown pools, it was if she were living in her fairytale, something that couldn't possibly happen but it did.

"I will always be with you Okita, just like your sister."

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June 3

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Okita abruptly woke up, sending him nearly into shock as he sat up in bed. Light was little showing into the room only coming from the rice-paper shojis that seemed to line one wall of the room. His breathing almost sounding like he needed all the air around him, uncovering his hand to wipe off all the excess sweat he had gained over the night. Then, movement caught in the corner of his eye and he couldn't help the temptation to look at the side of him. One corner of Okita's mouth went upwards slightly, there sitting against the wall in the corner was Aiko, who of course was sleeping with a crick in her neck. That was certainly going to hurt when she woke up, but as a matter of `when' was the keyword.

He looked down at the clothing he was wearing; he didn't get changed for he still wore the dark blue gi that he came there in. Slyly slipping out of the futon from which he laid, he tiptoed to the shoji to open it so quietly it wouldn't even stir a mouse……. Okita looked back at her, she was like a lonely angel in that corner, but he wasn't going to be in there when she awoke. Last time she had scared him, he had at least lost ten years of his life. He grinned and walked away without making a sound, to the other side of the house, which was where Eiji slept. He really liked the boy actually, knowing so much about crops and stories to frighten Tsutomu in making sure that he did right.

Eiji seemed to be at least thirteen years old and seemed to always enjoy the sunny weather, but summer was fast approaching them and his garden would soon blossom with all the things that he had planted. Okita would usually laugh at himself saying that even if he was born on a farm he still didn't know the least about planting.

"So your awake."

Okita stopped in his tracks but did not turn his face to look at the man to stared at him intensively.

"Tokio told me what happened last night."

Catching Okita's attention, which was always what Saitou could have possibly done to make sure that the younger man didn't block him out.

"So ka?"

"Aa."

Wow, this conversation was getting no where, first time in a long time that they had talked to each other and Okita had received more of his memories than before. With a dark blue outfit that certainly fitted the police, he continued to look at Saitou with his kid-like features. The man now removed his stare back to the wall; it seemed that he was dealing with some troubles. He may have not really know this man that much anymore but maybe there was something that needed to be said to his old companion.

"Saitou-san what is it?"

* * * * * *

"Okashira Phoenix?"

"Aa, not only that he has a whole army of ninja's."

Okita gave out a deep sigh, and his body loosened up its tightened muscles.

"So what do you think we should do?"

Saitou's glare intensified as he looked at his friend who he had not seen for at least eleven years, yet the man had become as frail as a child, he couldn't do anything even if he wanted to. Okita soon noticed how Saitou had begun to look at him, nonetheless he didn't get the point that Saitou was trying to tell him with his eyes narrowing…….then again, and as far as Okita could remember they were always narrow. This made Okita make a short laugh, give the tall man long hair, the Shinsengumi haori and give him a proper Japanese sword and he would look like he used to in the past, and Aiko said that he hadn't changed. Saitou looked just like he did eleven years ago.

"There's no `we' in this one Okita, you're going to stay here where you now belong."

Saitou proceeded to stand up and headed for the door, only stopping inches from it did he start again to talk.

"Besides, Tokio likes having you around to do work for her."

Saitou walked out finally to where Okita had no clue. His face darkened by his long bangs and a small grin making its way to his lips, he stayed sat down. His old companion, the man who basically spied on him night and day, trying to find something that everyone else did not know, and the man who seemed to only be nice at times with him.

`Saitou-san, you think me as a weakness in the battlefield now don't you?'

Okita lifted his head to show the once darkened face, straightening his back he began to stare at the high ceiling. No remorse of the thought striking the man's eyes, he closed them once more and brought his head down to a reasonable level.

(I've lost you Soujiro.)

Reopening his solemn pools of shades of brown to the green mat under him, the first trace of laughter in this subject hit him.

"Then again old friend, you are most certainly right."

* * * * * *

The horrible pain in her neck, oh did it hurt, why did she sleep by the wall like that? Aiko rubbed her neck some more with her right hand as she stared off into nothingness. The least that man could do was lay her back down in bed, if it continues like this how will she ever get to sleep.

"Does it hurt Aiko-chan?"

Immediately, as if it was a natural reaction, Aiko's eyes went narrow. It was going to be hard for him to get through to her today. Okita sat down by the pained Aiko, today unlike all other days, she was wearing a different kimono, a dark purple with small cherry blossoms scattered at the bottom. His smile deepened as he gazed upon her now turned away head.

"What do you think baka?!"

`Baka?'

"If it weren't for you I'd be doing chores by now."

`If it weren't for me?'

She was accusing him of her pain; well at least now he knew that she had really come back to reality. Her hand still rubbing her sensitive skin slowly becoming red from all the heat and massaging she desperately did to release the ache in her neck. Okita moved his hand to remove hers from her neck, softly pushing it away from her and holding tightly on her wrist. Aiko turned her head to face his, something strange was about to happen and she really didn't know what was happening. Not even subjecting to his grasp her arm went completely limp as Okita slowly closed the distance between them. Was -he- about to kiss her?

Her body seemed to stop altogether, not wanting to move from its place, she soon felt something that would change her life thoroughly. Hers and Okita's lips came together in a soft kiss; her eyes shut themselves up as the time slowly went by without another word. Her hand trying its hardest not to move itself out of his grasp, but this was the most awkward situation she had ever been in. She wanted suddenly to collapse into his arms, to be held by this man. His fingers slowly stroked the inside of her wrist as he continued to hold his place………

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Next Chapter

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*ione raises eyebrow* Wait till next chapter….

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Reviews….

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I believe that at one time someone told me that I would get more reviewers……..WELL Where are they!?!?

CeeCee: Thanks for telling me that, it helped only a little, I just like it when people review me cause it gets me more passionate about my story. I don't know about the lemon part…..you'll see in next chapter. Um, yeah, teehee there were a lot of things happening in my last chapter but you know it all happened when my writers block kicked in. DAMN THOSE WRITER'S BLOCKS!!!!!!!

MysticInca: Hey shuddup I am trying on the Kenshin part, it's just really hard, I'm so used to Okita. Great now I have to do my homework on how Kenshin acts, that just brightened up my day! Other than that, WOW you gave me a big review something that I am so desperately short of. I know now that I took up a big role in finishing this story, it might take twenty chapters or so to finish. SO YA I have a lot planned!

Inca_dove: I thank ye o grateful one! That's funny how you said you only wanted to hear more of Aiko and Okita…..gee you got more than you probably expected from them two for this chapter. Lol…..biggest fan only when I have to contact you all to actually review. Look at how desperate I am on getting reviews!

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Fanfic by ione