S-CRY-ed Fan Fiction ❯ Crash into Me ❯ If Only for One Night ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: Not mine :sobs, blows snotty nose on your shirt sleeve:

 

----------------------------------

 

Crash into Me

 

Chapter 4- If Only for One Night

 

 

Ryuho's insistent and consuming assault on her mouth had caught her by surprise, but not unprepared. Mimori had been ready to kiss him ever since she had seen him her first day at HOLY, standing up on that observation deck in his crisp uniform. Now she eagerly matched his ardor, moving her lips hungrily against his as he plundered the warm depths of her mouth. Their connection was raw and needy, as though they'd never get enough of each other no matter how long they kissed, their union an indistinguishable tangle of lips, tongues and teeth as his blanketing weight pinned the entire length of her body to the floor. Though her arms were still trapped between their heaving chests, Mimori's legs opened wide beneath him and she wrapped one long limb around his hip, the sole of her foot curving against the back of his pants. The material scuffed against her bare inner thigh and she tightened it against him in response.

 

Ryuho felt her open up and then clench against him and instinctively deepened the contact between them, delving even further into her mouth until his tongue completely filled her. He kissed her like she was his oasis in a barren desert, greedily gulping up every last drop of her as if at any moment she might evaporate into an intangible apparition. As he explored every surface of her mouth, licking against the smoothness of her teeth and tonguing the ridges of her palate, he flexed the fingers cradling and supporting her head, reveling in the feel of her long, slick hair as it slipped and spilled between his digits. He massaged her scalp, dragging nails against skin as he pulled her head close to maintain the seamless connection between their lips.

 

And even as common sense blasted a red alert inside his brain, Ryuho was unable to heed it, hopelessly lost in the intoxicating beckon of her wanton body. He felt every part of her reach for him, begging him for his touch and attention. The hand not tangled in her hair explored every centimeter of the leg wrapped around him that he could reach, fingers squeezing the toned skin before sneaking beneath the edge of her cutoffs to graze the lace hem of her panties. He longed to get closer, to feel even more of her skin against his own. Even draping himself over her entire body wasn't enough; he wanted to swim in her, to inhale her into his flesh like a delicious vapor and keep her within him forever.

 

Mimori's hunger for the man on top of her was just as obsessive. Though her arms were still trapped between their bodies, she nevertheless managed to twist questing fingers into the neckline of his shirt in a redundant effort to pull him closer. She longed to free her hands; they practically itched to explore the rest of the rock-solid form spread so liberally over her. She kissed him like he was her anchor in a lashing storm, clinging desperately to his startling yet ardent passion even as a livid sea of impending reality threatened to carry her away. She had been starved of his attentions for so long, habitually neglected and yet somehow sustaining herself on a scant diet of cheerful memories and indulgent fantasies. Now within the whirlwind of their kiss she was hopelessly swept up in the tide of his strange yearning, blissfully drowning in an all-consuming desire.

 

As feelings of elation and satiation washed over her she surrendered to the overwhelming emotions, allowing her mind to drift away atop waves of pure contentment. The edges of her vision darkened behind her closed eyes and she melted into a puddle of pure joy.

 

As he ravished Mimori beyond decency, Ryuho felt her mouth slacken and her body wilt beneath his. He nervously broke the suction between their lips to assess her state, only to find her unresponsive in his cradling arms. As he pulled them both up off the floor, straddling the leg still trapped beneath his, he found her limp and listless, head heavy and limbs spilling to the side. Ryuho suddenly realized that in his blind determination to dominate and possess her he had been leaning nearly his full weight on her, practically squishing Mimori's chest and stomach. In the heat of their passion she had gotten so caught up as to lose her breath and faint without the slightest hint of protest. Indeed, she almost seemed to welcome her impending swoon as if symbolically accepting even the excruciating physical demands of his desires.

 

Panicked and winded himself, he gently patted her paling cheek as he shook her in his arms. “Mimori! Are you alright? Wake up… please…”

 

She soon stirred, head lolling as a satisfied sigh escaped her throat. Resisting the urge to crush her in a bruising yet relieved embrace, Ryuho fanned her with the hand not supporting her head and back. “Mimori… just take slow, deep breaths… You fainted, but you're going to be alright…”

 

As he panted to catch his own breath, Ryuho watched as she rolled hazy, content eyes open at him. He smiled down at her but then immediately froze when Mimori wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself into his startled lips, intent on renewing their feverish kiss. Succumbing for only a moment, he came to his senses and pulled her away from his mouth, grabbing her beneath her armpits.

 

“Mimori stop! You have to breathe!”

 

She tugged against his protesting arms, seeking to regain his lips. When he held her fast she redoubled her efforts, determination evident in her husky whispers and arm strength, “I don't want to breathe… I just want to kiss you…”

 

Her words shocked him long enough to earn her another few seconds against his mouth, but he soon hauled her off again, needing an explanation. “What?... What are you talking about? Just take a minute and catch your breath!”

 

Her face fell into one of desperation. “I don't have a minute, Ryuho! Don't you get it? If we stop then the logic we've been outrunning will finally catch up to us! I'll realize how utterly inappropriate it is to be ravaging you in my apartment with barely any clothes on and you'll realize how incredibly irrational it is for you to be here kissing me with your hand up my shorts when you're supposed to be pretending to despise me! Then you'll leave me here alone in the middle of my floor pining for you and I'll let you go because I'll want to be selfless and considerate of your feelings…”

 

As Mimori rambled, tears welled in her eyes and Ryuho simply stared at her in shocked bewilderment. He noted how eerily accurate her hypothetical prediction seemed, but at the same time was at a loss to understand or explain how, at that moment, she was actually wrong. He had no intentions of leaving, but did think that they both deserved some explanations for each other's bizarre behavior. However, when he tried to interrupt her entreaty, she hastily pressed two fingers over his lips as she continued, “…And I don't want any of that to happen yet, so for God's sake, just kiss me!”

 

With a last willful tug she pulled their faces together and pleaded her case with her lips and tongue. Unable to resist the sweet summons of her mouth, Ryuho tabled his objections in favor of renewing their frantic union. He quickly met her energy and matched it, feeling the surge of passion reignite between them almost instantly. Never breaking their contact, he moved off of her leg so that he could hoist it up around his hip and pull her into his lap, holding her in place with a firm hand on her backside. The palm that had cradled her head now flattened against her spine, pulling her breasts flush against his chest. However, this time he was definitely attentive to her breathing pattern, periodically monitoring the air that stirred near her nose and tempering their pace to ensure that she at least took in little gasps ever so often.

 

God, the feel of her in his arms, pressed against his body, was invigorating! His head was light and swimmy again but not from being upside-down this time, though he felt like it. His senses were in overdrive, noting every nuance of their interactions with an acute hypersensitivity. Every little thing she did kindled a burning fire that sparked in his gut and shot straight to his groin: The way she plowed tiny furrows through his hair with firm, questing fingers, playing with the tilt of his head and the pressure of her lips against his. The adorable little giggle that vibrated the inside of his mouth when his tongue tickled a particularly sensitive spot inside her cheek. The shy way she retreated from his advances, only to regroup so that she could attack and dominate in the next round. And the nearly imperceptible rub of her body against his whenever she unconsciously rocked her hips, grazing her pelvis against his growing erection. She moved with him instinctively, every action seeming harmoniously coordinated as if they'd been practicing advanced make-out skills with each other for a lifetime; no doubt they could easily be mistaken for well-seasoned international necking champions.

 

And yet, even in the midst of their mutual voracious appetites, Ryuho couldn't quite banish the nagging hint of reality that had asserted a firm toe-hold on his mind. She was right- he was supposed to be ignoring her and trying to send her home, for both her safety and his sanity. He was not supposed to be sucking on her writhing tongue or manually exploring her half-naked body in the middle of her apartment floor. Ultimately, when the cloud of passion finally dissipated he would be stuck in a situation even more complicated than the one that had previously existed between them.

 

Where in the world was this going? What would happen after things cooled down and common sense was again firmly in place for both of them? Images of disparate feelings and expectations and an awkward parting taunted from the back of his mind and he wondered how he had even allowed himself to get this far in this strange tangle of lust. And suddenly the word `control' loomed in the forefront. Once again Mimori had affected his total loss of control, albeit unwittingly. She didn't realize how much power she wielded, how much she took from him whenever she was near. She didn't know that she was the only one who could break all of his rules, or have him do the same, without calling down his immediate wrath. She didn't understand how vulnerable she made him. And now that he had acknowledged his feelings for her, to both her and himself, that vulnerability would be even more dangerous- to his position… his edge… even his very existence.

 

He had to stop this; it would never work. Certainly he wanted Mimori to be happy. But Ryuho knew there was no way he could ever be the one to make that happen. By his own design, he was still a bumbling amateur when it came to relationships of any kind; if he was going to attempt a real one, then perhaps he should have started with something simpler- like a house plant or a weekly poker night with the guys. What hope did he have of sustaining a committed relationship with the woman who might be `the one'? And while his inevitable failure meant that he would crush her emotionally, any bit of success meant that he might endanger her physically. He had made a lot of enemies and while many of them were in custody or prowled the Lost Ground, some of them roamed the halls of HOLY. If word got out about a relationship between the two of them, Mimori would become an instant target. And though he admired his Commander, Ryuho knew that Jigmar was a manipulative man. If he ever found out about his feelings for her… He had to stop this now!

 

With a little more force than was necessary, Ryuho spilled Mimori out of his lap as he tore himself away from her lips. Startled, she reached out a hand for him but slowly withdrew it when she saw the serious expression on his face. “Mimori, wait a minute! We can't do this. Neither of us is thinking rationally.”

 

`Rationally.' She heard that word like a death knell for what had just been her rapidly congealing fantasy. It was happening- everything she had feared from the moment that they'd begun kissing was about to come true. He would deny his feelings for her and tell her that the whole thing had been a mistake. She knew he'd be lying, but it didn't matter, because he had to protect himself- from her.

 

Meanwhile, Ryuho steeled himself for another potential battle. Mimori wouldn't go quietly, not after what had happened, but he needed her to stay away from him and the best way to do that was to shut her down completely. Denial was his only option. “I'm not sure what happened just now. I think frazzled nerves and teenage hormones got the better of us, but we can't continue this. It's inappropriate and against regulations. I'm sure that neither of us wants to get fired over something so frivolous. You should try to forget that this ever happened; I know I will…”

 

It ached… Mimori's heart literally ached in her chest as she watched her world begin to fall apart. She knew his words were just for show, but they cut her deeply all the same. She'd finally gotten a peek inside the cold steel vault surrounding his soul and had caught a glimpse of the boy she missed and the man that she wanted to be with. However, her visions of a future with him simply didn't stand up in the face of reality. Petty things like pride, regulations, and social decency would crush any chance she might have had of being happy in this place with the man she loved. The spell was breaking, and any moment he'd turn his back on her and she'd be left searching the kingdom for her own damn slipper.

 

And as her brain explained these things to her heart, she suddenly understood what she had to do. If she really loved him, really wanted what was best for him, she had to let him go.

 

When Ryuho leaned forward to stand up Mimori reached across the physically small yet emotionally vast distance between them and placed a gentle hand on his knee, halting him. She turned sad yet sincere eyes up at his and spoke from deep within. “It hurts, doesn't it? My presence here at HOLY… it's hurting you.”

 

Ryuho suddenly froze and stared back at her. “What? That's nonsense…” However his eyes betrayed him, revealing the truth of her words.

 

Suspicions confirmed she interrupted his impending excuse, needing now more than ever to say her piece. “No, it's true. I finally realized that tonight. I thought you wanted to get rid of me because you really had lost interest in our past. I figured that my presence was simply an annoyance to you because you'd let go of the memories that I still clung to.”

 

“Mimori, don't…”

 

“But now I know that you do care. You wouldn't have kissed me tonight… like that… wouldn't have gotten upset over Cougar… wouldn't have even come to my apartment in the first place if you didn't care at least a little.”

 

“Mimori, please…” Ryuho was afraid of where she was going and wasn't sure he was strong enough to stop her if she went too far.

 

However, Mimori simply smiled up at him. “But you're a strange kind of man, Ryuho Tairen, and caring is a liability for you. Distractions put you off of your game; hinder the achievement of your ultimate goals, whatever those might be. And, if I might be so bold, my continuing presence here is a distraction to you. Something about me being here interferes with your duties- not to HOLY, but to yourself… And I can't accept that…”

 

He was totally confused. He thought she was pleading her case to stay and be with him, but her last words put him off his guard. “Mimori… what are you saying?”

 

Taking a deep breath, she shored up her heart for the beating she was about to give it. However, Mimori dropped her gaze; she couldn't bring herself to look in Ryuho's eyes when she finally admitted the truth. “I'm saying that I came here with a lot of naïve notions about our future. I'd hoped for… God, I won't lie, I'd hoped for a relationship… with you… but at the very least, I wanted us to be friends again…”

 

Friends… That word stood out against all the others. It was like she had read his thoughts from earlier today. Did she have any idea what her confession was doing to him? “Mimori…”

 

She heard the protest in his voice but couldn't stop herself now; she'd come too far. “But I can't stay here knowing that every day I'm here I'm making your life more difficult! That's the last thing I wanted; I care for you too much to knowingly do that to you. So… if it will give you peace of mind… if you ask me to leave… HOLY… or the Lost Ground altogether… I will.” And at her last words Mimori looked back up into Ryuho's eyes and the tears welling against her lashes finally spill over onto her cheeks.

 

Leave? Just like that? After all his persistence and all her protests, it hardly seemed real. “But… why now? Why not all of the times I've asked you before?”

 

She smiled a sad and helpless kind of smile. “Because now I finally understand the real reason that you want me to go. And also, I think you finally understand why I wanted to stay…”

 

Ryuho couldn't believe it. Despite his harsh words, she had still figured out that he cared for her. And yet even with that knowledge she was prepared to sacrifice her own happiness for his comfort. He told himself it had to be some sort of game, but the look in her eyes was deadly serious. He'd never seen her so heartbroken. “Mimori, I…”

 

“But first…” she interrupted him, certain that he was going to make the fated request right then. Mimori knew she should have stopped there, but she couldn't help herself; after everything that had happened that night she just couldn't let it end like this, “…I have one request. And your answer won't change anything I've said so far…”

 

She shored up her courage for the next admission, inhaling a deep breath and swallowing hard. “If you haven't figured it out by now, I think I might be in love with you…” She dropped her gaze to the floor again, unable to meet his eyes in the midst of another stark confession. “Whether you like it or not, next to my family, you're the most important person in my life right now. I've turned my world upside down to be with you, and now I'm about to say goodbye for what might be the last time…”

 

Even as she spoke she couldn't believe that her brain was allowing her mouth to betray her heart's heaviest secret like this. She knew that desperation and raw emotions must have snatched away any logic that might have guided her thoughts or actions, but she found she was utterly powerless to assert any kind of control over herself. She was running on a strange and unfamiliar sort of autopilot, and it steered her towards a request that she never thought she could have spoken aloud, “But before I go… I wanted to take one more thing with me… one more memory…”

 

Shocked by her own wantonness, she finally raised her gaze again and saw the confusion and disproval written across his features. More tears fell; she was committing emotional suicide but she'd ventured too far out on this precarious limb to back out now. If she didn't ask, she knew the unspoken possibility would haunt and eventually consume her. It was better to just unburden her tortured soul now. She put on the most neutral mask she could manage and let the words slip quietly from her lips, “Stay the night with me… tonight… Be my first… and then I promise I'll go. Forever.”

 

Neither of them breathed. Instead, Mimori sat perfectly still and waited, searching Ryuho's face for any hints as to what he might be thinking. And Ryuho replayed her words over and over in his head, trying to make sense of the events that had led the two of them to this point. She had given him a choice- two choices, actually- both of which had caught him by surprise. He had to know if it was some sort of elaborate trick. “Is this an ultimatum?”

 

She frowned slightly. “I told you it's not. Think of it as a request… a favor, I guess. You can refuse.”

 

“And you wouldn't get angry.” He voice was pregnant with skepticism.

 

“I'd be a little hurt. But I would understand and respect your choice. I don't want you to feel obligated. I'm not looking for a consolation prize.” She was lying- she'd be devastated, but she didn't want him to feel as if he owed her anything. She worried that he already thought less of her as it was. Sitting sideways on the floor, Mimori stared down at her knees, nervously plucking at her fingernails as she gave him time to think. She tried not to let the worst case scenarios creep into her mind, but the longer Ryuho's silence lasted, the more frightened she became.

 

Ryuho, on the other hand, was torn. If Mimori had told him that morning that she had finally agreed to leave the island, he would have insisted that she go without giving the matter a second thought. However, so much had happened in this single day, causing him to question every decision he had made about his life and his past. After weeks of relentlessly demanding her departure from HOLY he was suddenly unsure that he really wanted her to go. He had the opportunity to make a change for himself; a change that his mother would probably insist was one for the better. She had always loved Mimori and now, seeing her true nature emerge, he was starting to understand why.

 

He knew he should make the rational choice. He should leave right now, and tell her once and for all to return to the Mainland. If she really was true to her word then she would go, and he could try to carry on with the life he had chosen for himself. She wouldn't be there to distract him or make him vulnerable; he could continue climbing the ranks of HOLY, hunting rogue Alters and searching for his mother's killer without a walking embodiment of his past haunting him daily. After enough time had passed, he would undoubtedly think of her less and less until he forced himself not to think of her at all. He could even grant her last request, stay with her tonight, and make one last unspoiled memory of her to cherish and worship before she faded from his life. Common sense said that either of these was the best answer.

 

However, Ryuho was all too aware that common sense hadn't played a single part in any of his startling revelations today, and he wondered if perhaps he'd been placing too much weight on it all along. All it had brought him was a heaped pile of misery; it had not won him the progress that had been promised to him. Instead it seemed there was a lot to be said for spontaneity and following one's gut- these had certainly given him interesting results tonight…

 

Fresh sensations of grappling tongues and curious fingers flooded his memory with a now-familiar pang of yearning following closely behind. What if he wanted a change? Was it too late to divert his path to one less torturous and more rewarding than his current one? Could he still attain his ultimate goals while finding contentment in the present? As each question rose in his mind his heart shouted answers that, for once, his brain didn't argue with. Adrenaline slowly yet steadily surged through him at the prospect of chasing a goal that both his heart and soul desired. If he poured just a fraction of the dedication into this single pursuit that he had with all of the fruitless and meaningless ones before, then there was no way he could fail, not when his heart would be in it this time. He could stumble and fall, and yet somehow he knew that he could still win. Suddenly his choice was obvious…

 

A tiny movement in the corner of his vision caught his attention, and his curiosity finally snapped him out of his heavy reflections. To his surprise he discovered that it had been a tear falling off of Mimori's chin onto the sleeve of her oversized shirt. The entire time that he had been sitting here thinking she had been silently and patiently waiting, hoping for the best and yet undoubtedly assuming the worst. Another tear soon traced the path of the last and he instantly cursed himself for being a callous and self-centered fool. He had tortured this angelic beauty long enough, and he wasn't just thinking about tonight. It was time to be as honest as she had been.

 

“So let me understand this…” After their prolonged silence, his words caught Mimori off guard and she lifted expectant and somewhat frightened eyes at him. She hastily wiped her tears off of her cheeks with her sleeves and then gave him her full attention, pressing slightly trembling hands into her lap to still them.

 

Still kneeling on his knees, Ryuho leaned back against his heels to give her an appraising look. “…If I asked you to, you would leave the Lost Ground and never come back.”

 

“Yes.” She blinked. No other muscle moved on her entire body. She wasn't even breathing.

 

A thin line wrinkled the bridge of his nose as his eyebrows settled more heavily over his eyes. “And if I stayed here with you tonight, you wouldn't change your mind later and insist on remaining? Even if you didn't really want to go?”

 

“I don't want to go. But I've given you my word. I won't go back on it.”

 

He paused, considering her answer very carefully. Then his body shook with a weighty sigh, and he turned sincere and apologetic eyes down on her. “I'm sorry, Mimori… I can't do that.”

 

---------------------

 

To be continued…