Completely Useless

Summary: Serena is tired of the taunts and harsh criticisms by her friends. So she resorts to something that could damage or end her planned out future. WARNING: OOC, SELF-MUTILATE, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, POSSIBLE DEATH!

Chapter 1

"You're completely hopeless Serena."

"No I'm not!"

"Yeah? We always have to save your ass every minute."

"Yeah, what happens if we're not around? Who'd be there to help you?"

"We can't just come to your aid every moment you need help."

"Argh, you're completely useless. I can't believe that my mother is a ditzy irresponsible klutz."

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Serena's POV

Everyday it's the same. Every study session, every fight against a youma. And every time I act dense, ignorant to the true meaning to their words as I fight back comments and whine about how mean they're being. I can understand. No matter how hard I try I can never live up to their expectations. Am I really expected to do so much? Being queen, well actually future queen, isn't really all that exciting. It seems like everything has been planned out for me.

My life.

My future.

And every single tragedy where I'm reborn, am I always going to be around the same company? The same people? The same biting words? The same future? The same expectations? Am I always having to do something great? Like saving the world or actually being there for everyone when they need it? How about me? Can't I be selfish for once? Can I have control, of my life, of my future? Or is it set in stone ready for me to play it out? Am I some pawn in fate's chessboard?

I feel like it.

I feel like some puppet being controlled by a puppet master. My life is already in script. But does that mean I have to follow it? We knew about our future already. I would be married to Darien, I would have Rini, and the same sailor scouts would always protect me. I would rule over all crystal Tokyo. And yet…

I don't wish to do any of that. I want to be free of all burdens. If fighting is the only way to stop demons then I will continue to do my duty. Since Rei thinks she's a better candidate why doesn't she just take my place? Oh yeah, Rini won't be born and she wishes to by born. Can't I change it? Can't I just be me? Can't I just be normal without being Moon Princess or Sailor Moon? I know I have for about fourteen years until Queen Beryl attacked, which completely ruined everything for me. Then Alan and Ann came. Although Ann was trying to take away Darien I actually didn't mind. But I only fought back because my friends expect me to be like that.

Friends…expect…me? Heh…what a train of thought.

I use to hate the dark I would always have a nightlight on and at least as much light as I could with my earth parents' approval. But now I wish to sleep in the dark. They seem to comfort my wandering thoughts and my tortured mind. I even thought about killing myself a few times in this darkness. But there was always that light at the end of the tunnel where my friends would be waiting for me. And now…

I see no light at the end of that tunnel. I see it closed off as I was left in complete darkness to find my own way out. And I see no other option. I closed my eyes to the world and dream of death every time I sleep and every morning when I wake up I see that I'm back in a dream. A dream that fate has given me. My second chance in life. And at times…I wished my mother left us dead as an end to our line but I guess taking care what might be the only chance of civilization was much better off. I know I cannot be selfish about that.

But isn't it wrong to know your future before you get there?

I've been told the future could change. Crystal Tokyo was made from the ice age. Can I really do all that? It was as if everyone expects me to do everything. I'm supposed to do this, I'm supposed to know that… What if I told them that? Would they still like me? Does that mean they don't like me now? My guess is no. Darien has been on and off with me because of some stupid dreams. If he really doesn't want me, a ditzy, blond girl hanging all over him and prefers the pink-haired brat then by all means please step forward and say so. It's only natural that we're always separate. Besides I feel a little free to escape my current life and bathe in the freedom given to me.

I look at the blade on my desk. I never tried it before but in reality I never went through with it. I've been hearing positive and negative comments about cutting. And right now the negative sides don't appeal to me. I rolled up my sleeves and stared at my flesh colored skin. It looked so flawless and…and the same!

Argh!

Huff, huff, huff…

Heh, I never thought it wouldn't hurt this much. I stare at the severe cut on my skin. It was at least deep and blood was flowing down to the floor. I quickly rushed to the bathroom holding the blood from spilling. If my parents found out I did this…I don't know what'll happen. It will be a chain. They would tell my friends, my friends will try to comfort me, and I…would just ignore everything. It was all lies. They would only need me to save the world, be Neo Queen, and have Rini. But I don't want those things! Saving the world is an exception but what about the others?

I washed my arm out of my blood that was being spilt. The water was still turning red as it continued to bleed. Maybe I should stop this. Someone could find out because my sleeves are sometimes never there… Wait a minute, sleeves? I have them. I can just hide my scars. And if anyone sees them, blame it on Luna and get scolded if it's one of my friends.

Walking back into my room I noticed that the bloody blade was still there. I need to clean that up.

You know, back then I would've never thought of this. But I guess the future can always change. And everyone is sacrificing the future to live in the present.

Would you sacrifice the future for the present?

TBC----------------------

Kinshin: First SM fic. This has been going on in my head for a while now and I really don't like the show but the characters are okay! Anyways tell me whatcha think!

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