Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Hearts of Swords ❯ Chapter IX - Past ( Chapter 9 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

* * * R E C A P * * *

The world melted into a formless blur before her eyes as she looked up at the
blur while emitting soft, undecipherable noises to encourage her lover. Usagi's
warm tongue was welcomed and hungered. Spike and wave of pleasure mounted upon
her inexperienced body and before she knew it, she shuddered and with a loud
scream, she was thrown over the edge and hurtled into the depths of her climax.
Her body arched off of the futon, muscles locked in the timeless moment of her
orgasm.

A hot rush of liquid flooded into Usagi's mouth and she swallowed quickly. Rei
had reached her climax. 'That was quick...' Rei's body shuddered around her,
and she crawled back up to embrace the younger girl. Involuntary tremors shook
the dark haired girl and Usagi pulled her closer to her.

It was almost midnight.

* * * * *

After ensuring that Rei was sound asleep in the futon, Usagi stole away from
the room and quickly made her way to the promised meeting place. Upon arriving
at the location, she found two mares waiting for them.

"Did you enjoy your last night of freedom?" Ami queried harshly.

"I have never known the meaning of freedom," Usagi replied monotonously. "If
anything, the only freedom I know of is death."

"You're a disgrace," Ami spat.

"I know." Usagi answered quietly.

The two of them mounted the mares and rode away from Kyoto, the full moon
watching as the two females rode into the plains towards Kamakura. The beams of
the moon fell upon the sleeping girl who snuggled closer to a lover.

A lover who did not exist.

And as they rode, Usagi's last thoughts were of Rei.

'I'm so sorry...so sorry that I had to leave you...so sorry that I have to hurt
you like this. Never forget me, Rei.'

'Aishiteru.'


* * END CHAPTER VIII * *


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H E A R T S O F S W O R D S

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"I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side..."

Chapter IX - Past
[Sengoku Period, 1512]


'Dear Rei,
By the time you read this, I will be gone. I have accompanied my old
comrade at arms Ami back to Kamakura. There is unfinished business
that I must resolve and people to apologize to. I know it is unfair
that I go running off at the whims of others, but this is dear to me
and do not worry. I will return to Kyoto, I promise you that on my
honor. Do not wait for me. It will only hurt you and it will be
unfair for you to wait for a lover who might be away for too long.
In the event that I do not return, I want you to know that I will
be waiting for you in the life after death, and no matter what, you
will live for me. I want you to experience different love from the
people that love you. Do not wait for me, but do not forget me. You
will always be in my thoughts, love.

Forgive me.


Usagi'

* * * * *

The steady galloping of the horses made the trip quite monotonous, in Ami's
opinion. Usagi was sitting silently on her black mare, their pace swift and yet
still quite relaxed. The blond was reflecting on the past, that much she knew.
The look of sorrow and a haunting emptiness was present in her blue eyes. To
the blue haired girl, the past was nothing to reflect on. It was history, and
that was that.

However, she couldn't quell the urge to smooth away the look of anguish on the
face of Usagi. It was a look that should never have been etched onto the
flawless features of the lithe blond. It was unfair to Usagi that she should
have to bear a burden of vengeance and blood upon her shoulders.

'Even after all this time...' she thought with disgust, 'she still manages to
affect me like this. I learned so long ago from her...to never trust anyone.
Then why am I still finding myself trusting her?'

Cornflower blue eyes narrowed in anger as she regarded her traveling companion,
who sat on the shadow-like mare. The black complimented the blond, but seemed
almost ill-fitting at the same time. In her mind's eye, she could see the blond
haired girl smile at her, full of life and childish happiness, and then
scampered off into the mist, her laughing voice calling her to follow. If she
had the choice, she would. She would unquestioningly follow the same blond that
rode beside her on the black mare.

That frightened her terribly.

Suddenly, Usagi performed an almost-invisible battou-jutsu to an unseen enemy.
Frowning, she whipped her head back in time to see two halves of an arrow fall
to the grassy plains. Blue eyes snapped back to their path to find a troop of
men standing in front of them, armed with crossbows and katanas. Usagi reigned
in the horse and without missing a step, she jumped from the broad back of the
horse and straight into the fray.

Ami joined the battle soon after, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that they
would defeat this small band of vigilante militia. Like a fallen angel, Usagi's
sword cut into them. Ami herself wielded her own katana and swung in a high,
sloping arc from the ground and cleaved the enemy in half. Spinning on her heel
with the katana held straight out, she cut through several more men, and how
the blood splattered.

Choked voices rose around the two females as they mercilessly slayed the men.
The blue haired Ami moved with a fluid grace, unending and always flowing, like
water. Usagi on the other hand, fought with a clinical cold efficiency, cutting
into the enemy as if they were logs to be cut with an axe. That was all they
were to her; an obstacle, an obstruction. Even to the indifferent and normally
impassive Ami, the enemy deserved a fair, honorable fight and should be treated
with respect, but Usagi held no regard of life. She was driven by vengeance and
revenge for the family she had lost.

Moving to an unheard rhythm, the blue haired Ami spun in a full circle while
her katana grazing against the ground and then coming up in a sharp arc to cut
down her enemy. She saw the remaining men running from the way they came from,
but Usagi did not give them a chance. She sprinted as if possessed by a demon
and cut all three of them down as she ran alongside them, the katana slicing
their bodies in half along the ribs.

With the impassive mask over her face, she watched stonily as Usagi jogged back
to the location where they had left their horses. The two mares were patiently
standing there, waiting for their riders to resume their journey. Despite the
red blood spattered on their clothes, they effortlessly climbed back onto the
horses' backs and resumed their sojourn to Kamakura.

However, the expression of horror etched into their features just before their
death would haunt her. Never had she seen someone move so fast. No human being
should have been able to move that fast. Not even the fastest animal could have
outrun Usagi at that moment. Like a vengeful demon, she had killed -- no, she
had *slaughtered* -- them mercilessly.

'How ironic it is,' Ami mused, 'that it is she who wants to protect humanity
when she kills it with one swift stroke of her blade.'

Usagi's blue eyes met hers and for a fleeting moment, Ami was lost in the sheer
depth of the blond's pain. Then, as if it had never happened, the look vanished
into the early morning and the pair continued to ride towards Kamakura.

* * * * *

If one believed Haruka was intimidating in her peak of anger, that same one
would be glad that they had not met Meioh Setsuna. Her crimson eyes were no
longer a warm red, but rather a dark, hateful crimson, the shade of blood. She
had read the letter and scowled angrily.

'How dare she.'

"How dare she?!" she hissed darkly.

Makoto looked up at the dark haired woman and calmed her. "Setsuna, it isn't
her fault. Someone must have had something against her to do this. Usagi would
not just *leave* Rei defenseless."

"I'm not talking about Usagi," Setsuna replied coldly. "I'm talking about Ami."

"Do you know who she is?" Michiru queried in a soft voice.

"I was at the Fukushima Estate two years ago to visit my...former lover when I
happened to meet a young girl named Ami. Blue haired, normally demure and shy,
but highly sarcastic when she wanted to be. She was the one who was involved
with my former lover at that time. I would have never thought that Ami would be
a vengeful type. But now I see that I was wrong."

"What...happened?"

A soft, painful sigh escaped the older woman's lips before she answered, "With
the war going on full-scale in Kamakura, I did not want to stay there. My lover
of that time begged me to stay, but I was worried about the safety of my family
and her. Angered that I would not stay, she lashed out and pursued Ami with a
ruthless abandon. I left Kamakura and returned to Kyoto, but few days later, a
letter reached me, written to me by Ami. She acquiesced to the depth of the
bond between my lover and I and tried to stay out of the relationship, but she
was dragged back in when another person entered their web of deceit and lust.
Ami was then hurt further when my lover left her to the pursue the other, but
both of them were hurt after the third left Kamakura and disappeared."

Makoto listened silently. "Ami...that third...that's Usagi. It has to be. When
Usagi first came here, I had this feeling of déja vu. Now I know why."

Rei listened with rapt interest as bits and pieces of Usagi's past began to
unfold. "I was living near Kamakura, but the Fukushima Estate decided to use
the land of our village for their men. The village was supposed to be burned
and razed, but Usagi stepped in and fended them off so that the villagers could
flee and find refuge. I stayed to watch her, and when she ran off, I followed
her. When I returned to the village, it was already burning, but all of the
villagers were alive, so it was a small miracle. I had never thanked the person
responsible for saving the lives of so many people, but now I can. Usagi was
that person."

The looks of astonishment from Haruka and Michiru went unnoticed as Setsuna's
eyes flashed a crimson red once more, anger overpowering her usual calm. "If
anything, Ami has taken Usagi back for a reason, and I fear that we might not
be so safe."

"So what do we do?" asked Michiru.

"We can leave, or stay and defend ourselves from whatever threat that might
come after us," Haruka answered.

"A threat will come to us, that I am sure of," Setsuna said softly. "There are
too many that would want Usagi's blood spilt."

"But why?" Rei queried.

"Usagi is, believe it or not, famous all over Japan for her accomplishments as
a samurai. The townspeople are always talking about her. They do not know that
she is female, but as the Golden Samurai, she has defeated numbers that one
person should not be capable of facing. Twenty and sometimes thirty men have
fought against her and they all perished. That is a force that should not be
underestimated. *She* is a force to be reckoned and respected."

The heavy silence descended upon them as Setsuna's words sank in. Just what was
Usagi truly capable of? Could that quiet, introverted girl truly invoke such
death and chaos?

However, they had no time to dwell any longer on such matters as Rei swiftly
stood up and walked out of the house. It was her turn to find their provisions,
but they all knew that the only reason why Rei went out was to be alone in her
grief and loss.

For a brief moment, Makoto couldn't help but feel angry at Usagi for leaving
Rei. Rei needed her, loved her and wanted to be with her, but callously Usagi
had left her nonetheless.

Sometimes, she wondered if Usagi truly felt anything at all.

* * * * *

After a grueling two weeks of traveling, Usagi and Ami finally arrived at their
destination; Kamakura. Ami felt a feeling of awkwardness when she had arrived
at what had been her home for the past two years. The feeling of being with the
blond had set her at unease once again.

There was always something about Usagi that made one feel comfortable, yet very
ill at ease at the same time. Perhaps it was the fact that Usagi could kill a
person within the blink of an eye and never would her facial expression change.
It was hard to discern what she was thinking from what she was feeling. Most of
of the time, Usagi's face was expressionless and stony, and her body language
was also guarded and neutral.

Usagi smoothly jumped off from the mare's back and led it to the stables, and
Ami followed soon after. When the horses were taken care of, Ami and Usagi made
their way to the large estate of Ami's okashira. It was no secret that Ami was
serving the Fukushima clan, the same clan that had obliterated what little past
that Usagi had once held dear. Indigo blue eyes darkened to an angry prussian
as she set foot onto the estate, and with that step came the painful memories.

An expressionless mask fell over her face as she entered the estate, and was
met by a very familiar woman. Her eyes narrowed in anger but the look vanished
from her face. The woman stopped, hesitant to approach the pair but did so, a
careful smile on her face.

"Koishii! Okaeri nasai!" she called cheerfully.

"Taidama," Ami murmured softly.

The other woman and Ami embraced, and Usagi couldn't help but feel the pang of
jealousy and pain. Even after two years, she still couldn't forget what she had
suffered. Pushing idle and unwelcome thoughts from her conscious mind, she let
her silence speak for her.

"Hello...Matokori-san," the woman greeted politely.

"I no longer go by the pseudonym of Matokori. Matokori Usagi died when I left
Kamakura. I am known as Tsukino Usagi, my true name."

Shock was etched into the features of the other woman, but then they softened
into a look of apology and hurt. "Sumimasen, Tsukino-san."

"It is nothing to be sorry about, Aino-san," Usagi replied distantly. "Such
trivial matters are nothing to be concerned about."

Aino Minako flinched at the tone but tried to keep her smile from faltering,
despite the fact that the tears were already shimmering in her eyes. Two long
years had finally brought back her love, a love who was tarnished and bitter,
and had no desire to see the face that had brought her love and pain in a
verital tidal wave of unfathomable proportions.

"I've missed you. I've always wanted a chance..."

"I am here, that is all. I am not here for you, or for anyone else. I am simply
here to tie up loose ends," Usagi spat coldly. "What use am I to you anyway? I
abandoned you at the hands of Ami and of that heartless bastard. All I ever
wanted from you was your hatred."

"You don't even know what we went through to be together, Usagi," Ami replied
in an equally chilling tone. "You don't know at all."

Usagi's blue eyes met with Ami's clashing blue-green, and for a moment, Ami's
resolve was broken when she saw the infinite depths of Usagi's guilt, pain and
anguish. However, unlike the last time she had seen the look, it did not fade
away. It stayed permanently etched into her features, and that was when she
knew that there were no more barriers that hid the true Tsukino Usagi from the
world. No masks, no walls and no barriers, just Usagi, bared naked for all the
world to see. And it shook her to the depths of her core to know that someone
actually had experienced that much pain and guilt.

"You don't know what I went through to find what little humanity left in me to
love her, Ami," came Usagi's reply. "I am the judge, jury and executioner of
the wrongdoers. My katana is the judgement that they will meet; death. That is
all I am, a killer. After all these years, how can someone so inhuman like me
ever love? I found the answer to that when I realized that I only have now to
live before I leave this godforsaken world, and I will bring a small light of
hope to those who have lost their way. It is the least I can do in repenance
for the death I bring."

Turning on her heel, Usagi walked away, knowing exactly where everything was
located in this mansion. After all, she had lived here for a year. Upon setting
her foot into what had been her prison for a painful year, she found that it
was so very easy to slip into the life she had once lived. The kimonos she had
left behind still remained, folded up crisply and without a hint of misuse or
dirt on them. It seemed that even after all this time, Mamoru held onto a scrap
of hope that she would return.

She didn't know whether to feel disgusted or elated at that fact. Shrugging,
she slipped out of her well-worn and blood-spattered clothes and slipped into
the waiting kimono and with a practiced ease, pulled her long hair free from
its usual ponytail and tied it up into what Minako had once fondly called, "the
odango" hairstyle.

The sky blue, orange and white kimono framed her slender figure and accentuated
her curves, as well as her blue eyes. Looking herself over once in the mirror,
she made her way daintily to where she knew that the okashira of the Fukushima
clan sat.

Three kodachi-wielding guards met her, but recognized her instantly as the one
girl who had dared to seduce the young okashira. They let her through, and the
look on the dark haired man's face was priceless as he realized who she was.

"You..."

* * * * *

Minako's eyes were shimmering with tears as she feasted on the sight of her
former lover decked out in the traditional kimono. How it hurt to see the blue
eyed and blond haired love of hers, only to be told that there was nothing left
between them.

Schooling her expression into one of sensuality and coy seductiveness, she made
her way to her okashira's room. At the door, she met Ami who smiled tenderly
before both of them entered the room. Needless to say, she was surprised and
shocked.

Mamoru had grabbed Usagi and had kissed her deeply and passionately, but Usagi
pushed him away and scowled at him. "You spurned me years ago, Chiba-sama. I
have no love for you anymore. You killed it when you rejected me a year ago."

"Usako..."

"Don't call me that," Usagi hissed. "You lost that right."

"You weren't ready..."

The two other females in the room watched in silence as the two of them argued
bitterly. Usagi's expression was twisted into that of fury and pain, and Mamoru
was desperately trying to placate Usagi, but it was not working. Even Ami could
see that there was nothing that Mamoru could do or say that would ever erase
the pain that Usagi had received from him.

"I gave myself to you!" Usagi spat coldly. "I gave you everything I had, and
you pushed me away with a pathetic excuse! I'll never forgive you."

Years of bottled up bitterness, aggression and words left unsaid came spilling
forth at this one last chance that was offered to her to finally unload the
burden of pain that she had carried upon her shoulders. However, this was only
a small part, almost insignificant compared to the other burdens that lay on
her fragile, tired shoulders.

Minako stepped in between the two arguing and flashed a placating, shining
smile at both of them. "Okashira, please. She is a guest, and should be treated
as such."

Mamoru scowled and then said coldly, "Aino-san, leave us. This is a private
matter."

Ami's neutral voice cut into the conversation. "This is not a private matter as
you believe it is. We all know what happened between you and Matokori-san."

"You dare pry into my affairs..."

"She came to us for comfort," Ami cut off his angry roar. "She needed someone
there and we were there."

Usagi's blue eyes focused on Ami's and then said, "Since when do you suddenly
care about my well-being *or* my affairs, Mizuno-dono? I don't ever recall you
being civil to me on our trip here."

Lost in the chaos of pain and anger, Minako opted to stay silent in the matter
as Ami's blue eyes widened in surprise but then narrowed to burn furiously with
an angry fire. Indignant, Ami sneered and was about to reply when Usagi walked
out of the room. Mamoru's eyes narrowed and he watched the girl leave and then
scowled as he dismissed them all.

Ami stormed down the hallway and then threw open the door to Usagi's room, and
then her breath caught. The blond's half-nude form met her eyes and she found
her body burning for feel of her alabaster skin against hers once more. The two
globes of Usagi's breasts and her lithe form called to her. Long, platinum
blond hair partially hid the partly-clothed form, but it did nothing to take
away from the powerful beauty that was Usagi.

Unaware of the discomfort that Ami was feeling, Usagi snapped, "What?"

"Usa..."

Just then, Minako also walked in and immediately the tension rose between the
three women. The air burned with intense desire and lust, but also sparked with
resentment and anger. The last time this situation had happened was one year
ago, the day when everything had fallen apart.

* * * * *

[***1510, Kamakura, Japan. Kanagawa Prefecture.***]

An impassioned moan caught my attention as I followed the source of the noise,
curious as to where it was coming from. Perhaps I can find solace in the arms
of my sunshine blond tonight. It has been so long since we were able to share
an intimate moment together.

I carefully tread through the hallways, knowing that if I am found prowling at
night, I shall be restrained to my room. When the moan becomes louder, I find
the source at...

Minako's room?

...No.

Fear runs through me as I open the door to find my love Minako in bed with an
unknown blue haired girl. My eyes burn with tears and my body trembles with
anger and pain. How could she do this to me?

"Minako..."

Two pairs of blue eyes focus on me, one hazy with desire and confusion, the
other filled with guilt and spite. My face twists into a parody of my normal,
serene countenance as I smile grimly. "I'm sorry for interrupting your...moment
so rudely. I'll just show myself out."

"Sets-chan..."

"That's Setsuna to you, Aino-*san*," I say angrily.

My hand trembles as I open the door and step out of her room, hearing Minako's
voice calling for me. I shuffle down the hallway and quickly retreat back to
my room. Tears burn and trail down my cheeks and I can feel the hot tears drip
down my face.

How could she do this to me? Didn't I mean *anything* to her? Perhaps I'm just
another fling of a geisha. Maybe that's all I am to her.

"Setsuna...please..."

"I have nothing more to say to you, Aino-san," I said in the most neutral voice
I could muster.

"Setsuna..."

"Leave me be," I say, even though my heart yearns to call her back.

A few moments later, I can her her choked sob as she walks away from my door,
and when I am sure that she is gone, I let the tears flow freely and my shakes
as I sob and let myself hurt over what I have lost.

* * * * *

Even now, she noted dully, that even the barest mention of Minako's name sent
her into a spiral of pain and anger. Since then, she had never let anyone close
enough to hurt her like that. However, it seemed that compared to Usagi, what
she had suffered was like a grain of sand upon the endless stretch of the world
and the universe. Usagi had gone further lengths to alienate herself from
emotions and then immersed herself in blood.

Sighing, she sat up from the bed and made her way to the furo. However, as much
as she tried to push the thoughts of her former lover from her mind, she could
feel the pain and the love swirling within her, and she suddenly found herself
thinking about a certain blond haired, blue eyed girl with the hand that could
kill with a single stroke of a blade.

'Usagi...'

* * * * *

Rei could feel the sensuous touch of her lover again. Their united, harsh
breaths and the smooth feeling of skin against skin. The slick heated flesh
against her own sliding so flawlessly...

It sent her levels of frustration higher than ever before, as well as made her
heart ache in pain. How could Usagi do this to her? Did Usagi not love her? She
had tried everything to keep the blond, but all of her efforts had failed. It
seemed that she was powerless from letting the blond claim the Usagi she loved
so much.

Tears welled in her eyes as she tried to valiantly push them back. It was
unfair that she had to sit in Kyoto, helpless and away from her blond while the
aforesaid blond was away in Kamakura after having ripped out the black haired
girl's heart.

Scowling, she stormed down the street and slipped into the nearest alley to
wait for the next victim.

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Author's Notes:

This is one of the shorter chapters, because I'm adding all that angst and the
mixed couples into the next one as the 10th Chapter. :P I just realized that I
have written something over 4 chapters. This is by far, one of the most angst
filled stories I've ever written next to the story that I wrote a couple years
back called "A Boy Who Killed Adolescence" which was written back when I was
first starting out. It was one of my more depressing fics when I was just stuck
on the crossroads of life.

Right now, I'm a bit on the emotional side because I just watched the ending of
"The Green Mile" and "Saving Private Ryan" both by Tom Hanks. He is a brilliant
actor. I'm on the verge of tears, I'm sorry, I'm a bit emotional at the moment.
God, "The Green Mile" is a brilliant, poignant movie. I love it.

As well, you may have noticed that it doesn't *always* drip sugary, cotton
candy, cavity inducing level of romance or WAFF. :) I think you should be a bit
grateful, if not a bit pissed. ^_^ But I *am* going to add more moments of H/M
and A/M.

Comments, criticisms and suggestions are always welcomed. Huge thanks to Byakko
Rei for your beta-reading. Without her, I wouldn't even have *finished* this
damn chapter. :) Thank you so very much. As well, a special thanks goes out to
Seraacer, whose praise has kept me going after endless weeks of frustration. I
was at a complete dead end when these two came to my rescue. Thank you both of
you. Without you, I probably *would* have abandoned this story. You saved me,
and this story. Thank you. Love you girls.

Stay posted as I enter my 10th chapter.

[E-mail: sherazard_@hotmail.com]
[Website: http://ashura.br0ken.org]
[Weblog: http://ashura.br0ken.org/blog/index.htm]

1st draft: Completed. (09.28.2002)

TRANSLATION:

kimono - A garment worn by both men and women in Japan.
okashira - Leader (ie./ Aoshi is the okashira of the Oniwabanshuu, the "leader"
of the Oniwabanshuu.)
hai - Yes, yeah.
-san - A polite term to address strangers or people higher in rank than you are.
-sama - An extremely polite term used to those higher in rank.
-dono - A polite term to address people. More formal than "-san" but much less
formal than "-sama".
aishiteru - "I love you"
battou-jutsu - The act of drawing the katana swiftly, like lightning from the
scabbard in a single death stroke.
koishii - "lover" A term of endearment to call a loved one.
taidama - "I'm home" an expression said when coming home.
okaeri (nasai) - "Welcome home" a counterpart expression to "taidama".
sumimasen - A term of apology or to call attention. "I'm very sorry" or "Excuse
me."


Resources:

http://home.austin.rr.co m/scajapan/HISTORY.HTM
http://victorian.fortunecity.com/duchamp/410/sho gun.html
http://home.earthlink.net/~steinrl/glossary.htm