Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Love and Lament ❯ Ami 2 ( Chapter 3 )

Love & Lament

 

Chapter three

 

The sounds and smells of breakfast gently roused Ami from her slumber. Ami yawned and searched around the bed for her mother, until her sleep addled mind realized that Ayanee was the one cooking. Ami yawned and padded into the bathroom to freshen up. After washing her face and brushing her teeth, Ami took her brush and started to tame her sleep mused hair. As she enjoyed the gentle massage of the brush Ami was struck with the realization that for the first time since Juni's death, she wasn't sad.

 

Ever since her lover had died, Ami's mind has in one way or another been focused on her. Now this morning for some unknown reason, Juni did'nt enter her mind until just this moment. The thought both confused and angered Ami, who has spent the last three weeks in constant mourning of her lover. Juni's death weighed heavily upon her, and although she knew better she blamed herself completely. To have a good day, to be in a good mood was unacceptable. She felt as if she deserved the pain, deserved the nightmares that plagued her sleep.

 

Ami paused as her eyes focused on the mirror. Her hand stilled and the brush tumbled to the floor. Ami's eyes widened and tried to stifle a gasp. For a moment another woman's reflection stared at her from the other side of the mirror. The blue skinned woman with hair the same color as her own, the woman from her dream. A dream, which now returned to her memory in vivid detail.

 

“Wow.” Ami whispered as she gripped the side of the sink to support herself.

 

“Ami honey, breakfast is ready” Ayanee's voice sounded from the kitchen.

 

“Coming mom.” Ami called out as she tried to shake her head free of the memory of the startlingly real dream.

 

 

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“Mmmmm. Good morning, my angel.” Makoto whispered into Fiore's ear as she maneuvered herself on top of him and kissed him good morning. Still glowing with the energy of their evenings lovemaking, Fiore returned the kiss with an ardent fervor that Makoto had never felt from him before. The kisses continued, and the two friends quickly found themselves lost in the moment.

 

Fiore, still in his natural light green skinned form, kissed his way down Makoto's neck and ample bosom. Makoto ran her fingers through Fiore's bluish hair, as he lovingly suckled and nipped at her nipple. Makoto, in a sudden moment of clarity, was struck with the domestic nature of her situation.

 

For the first time in their years together, the two friends had a place to call home. They had money and jobs, Makoto cooked their meals and prepared their clothes and baths. At the end of the day they would share a bed. ::Just like a married couple.::

 

“Oh!” As Fiore's attention drifted further south, Makoto's thoughts were quickly pushed to the back of her mind. For the next hour she couldn't focus on anything, save the feel of Fiore's kiss and the pleasure of his talented fingers and tongue.

 

 

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“Fiore?” Makoto spoke gently, her head pillowed on his long slender chest. Makoto shifted herself so she could look into her friend's questioning violet eyes. His beauty captured her. She found herself tracing the length of his pointed ears, and running her hands through his luxurious hair. Covering his body completely with her own, Makoto claimed Fiore's lips in a gentle loving tryst. As their lips parted, Makoto spoke before she could loose her courage.

 

“I love you, y'know. And… and these past months have been pretty special to me. And I, well I… Damn it.” Makoto paused as her courage started to abandon her. ::No, I have to say this!::

 

Taking a deep breath, Makoto pushed forward. “A long time ago I promised myself that I would never ask you this. But, well… Fiore I am in love with you. These last months have been the most amazing of my life. And last night, well last night was something special. It was different than all of our times before. I… We connected last night, did'nt you feel it?”

 

Fiore lifted his hand to run across the side of Makoto's cheek. His eyes were filled with questions. “I…” Fiore did feel something, he could not quite explain it, but something about last night was different. “Mako, what are you trying to say?”

 

“Angel, you mean everything to me. And, well…” Makoto's hand slid on top of Fiore's. As their fingers entwined Fiore brought her hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly, encouraging her to speak her thoughts.

 

Makoto`s uncertainty faded at the looked into the eyes of the man that was her lover and so much more than a friend. “Fiore, I think it's time we took our friendship to the next level. We will be so incredible together.”

 

Makoto smiled sweetly in her mind she pictured Fiore saying yes. She knew in her heart that this was right. “I know you're in love with your Mamoru. But, I also know that you love me, that you're in love with me. I can feel it, and God knows I am madly in love with you.”

 

Fiore's eyes held a haunted look as he tried to look away. Makoto's firm hand turned his cheek, so their eyes remained in contact. Her emerald eyes shimmered as she desperately tried to decipher what her friend was feeling. “I know I told you I wouldn't pressure you for more. But… Fiore, you haven't spoken to him in over ten years and…”

 

“Mako, I…” Fiore tried again to look away, but could not. His feelings were muddled. Makoto just dropped a bomb on him that he was not prepared for. He loved Mamoru for so long, his thoughts always focused upon him that he never noticed Makoto's evolving feelings.

 

Makoto's certainty faded, as slowly she could read Fiore's answer in his eyes. Tears filled her eyes. She had never wanted anything more than this, but she could see Fiore closing off to her. Stubbornly, she continued to speak through her tears. She was determined to have her say, she would not live her life without knowing with absolute certainty what his answer would be.

 

Fiore could see that his decision was devastating his friend. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead as he spoke. “Mako…”

 

Makoto pushed away from Fiore's embrace, interrupting his sentence with a final desperate kiss. “No, don't say it please don't.” She wiped angrily at her tears but continued to speak in a intimate whisper broken by her sobs. “Fiore, please! I am here, with you. I am not a memory, I am flesh and blood. Please, love me. Make love to me as man would a woman, love me as a man would love a wife. We could be so happy… ::sob:: Together…”

 

Makoto's plea dwindled into silent sobs as she clung tightly to her friend. She tightened her desperate grip as Fiore drew her into his embrace. Makoto could feel his wildly beating heart and his heavy breaths. His hand gently traced her neck and back in a calming massage. Only when Makoto's sobs subsided did he speak.

 

“You're right. I do love you, I am in love with you. But, I am also in love with Mamoru. I have been in love with him for as long as I can remember. I can't abandon that. I have not spoken to him in all this time, because I fear he won't return my feelings, or worse he will not remember me. I think it's time that I told him how I feel. I'm sorry Makoto. I can't be with you without knowing if I could be with him.”

 

Makoto and Fiore remained in a tightening embrace. Silence wore on. As much as Makoto wished otherwise, she could feel that something had changed between them. She wished suddenly that she had never said anything, that she could continue as things were. ::No.:: Makoto had kept silent about her feelings for so long, and it was slowly eating away at her heart and soul. Despite his answer, Makoto knew that she had done the right thing.

 

“I'm sorry, I need to get ready. I have to meet Shinozaki in an hour.” Makoto pushed herself out of the bed, and Fiore's embrace. She looked longingly one last time at his beautiful green visage before turning away.

 

Fiore wanted to say something. He stopped, knowing that the words he had would not be appreciated. He had hurt Makoto badly, he knew. Even so, he had to be true to himself. He knew it would not have been fair to Makoto or any relationship they might have shared, if he still had the shadow of a love always hovering over his heart and mind.

 

Fiore eventually pulled himself from the futon, needing to start the day. His mind was only halfway in his morning routine as he thought of how to handle things so that his relationship with Makoto wasn't completely harmed. In the back of his mind he knew that if things did not work with Mamoru, he would go to Makoto. He would kneel before her and beg her forgiveness for choosing Mamoru first. And if she forgave him, Fiore knew he would spend the rest of his life showing her how much he really did love her.

 

 

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Breakfast for the Mizuno's passed in silence. It was rare that Ayanee got to cook, and Ami did'nt want to spoil the meal with their “talk”. After the meal, the two women set about cleaning the dishes. They were halfway through the chore when Ayanee rather bluntly broke the ice.

 

“I heard you talking to her on the phone.” Ayanee blurted out. A look of embarrassment immediately followed her outburst. “That's when I first suspected. That's why I waited for you to come home… that, that night.”

 

Ami set down the plate she was drying. She took a moment to compose herself, and calm her raging heartbeat. When she spoke her voice was tired and filled with regret. “That was our only time together. I… I thought we had all the time in the world. If I had known what… If I had only known, I…”

 

“Shhhh It's alright honey, come here.” Ami's face was a mask of tears. Ayanee knew that Ami would have a hard time talking about this, and she was uncomfortable about hearing the details of her daughter's sex life.

 

“There is so much more I wanted to tell her, so many things that I wanted us to share. Ayanee wrapped Ami in a strong embrace, holding her as she cried. Ayanee knew it was going to be a long day, and that this would not be the only time that one of them would end up in tears.

 

“Shhh, it's alright honey. Let it out.” Ayanee guided Ami to sit on her lap at one of the dining room chairs. She spent some time rocking her gently and running her fingers through her short blue hair.

 

“How long had you been a couple?” Ayanee asked gently as Ami started to calm down. It was tempting to drop the conversation, to spare her daughter the pain of her memories. Ayanee knew from experience however, you need to get everything out so the healing process could begin.

 

“We started dating the day we went to the museum.” Ami spoke through sniffles.

 

“I see, and was that her idea or?” Ayanee left the question open ended, she was hesitant to start questioning Ami in this way, but she knew she needed to sooner or later.

 

“I knew that I liked her before that, but I did not know if she felt the same.” Ami wiped at her eyes, her thoughts still focused on her dead lover.

 

Ayanee sighed, not sure how to word her response. She needed to help her daughter, but at the same time she needed to admonish her for her actions with her teacher. “Asagai-sensei was a good woman, but I am disappointed with some of the choices you made.”

 

“What do you mean?” Ami asked.

 

“She was eight years your senior, but more pressing than that she was your teacher.” Ayanee sighed, not liking having to do this. “I won't question your feelings, but your relationship was illegal. You are fifteen, and she… was twenty three, that`s statutory rape.”

 

“Mom, Juni did not force me into anything!” Ami interrupted immediately in defense of her lover.

 

“Even if she did'nt, there are laws against that because you are too young to know if you are being used or taken advantage of.” Ayanee was trying her best to make Ami understand her concerns.

 

“Mom, she was more unsure about things than I was. At times I felt as if I was pushing her too fast. Juni had never been with anyone else before, I felt comfortable with her because it was a first for both of us.”

 

“There is no way you could know that, honey. She could have just told you what you wanted to hear.” Ami was getting angry, she had thought that her mother was going to help her with some things, not scold her. Ayanee had meant to do that, but was already drawn to this topic and she knew it had to be broached sooner or later.

 

Ami, pushed herself from her mother's lap, too angry a her to maintain the contact. “Mom I am not that naive. I know what Juni felt for me was real.”

 

Ami's grief was briefly forgotten as anger took over. She could see that Ayanee was about to reply, but she cut her off. “Juni was always very considerate toward me. She never pushed for anything. Everything that happened, happened because I initiated it.” Ami was seething, her grief transformed to rage, but just as quickly deflating.

 

“Honey, I… I don`t know all the facts, but it could be that you were manipulated without realizing it. Sometimes older people who prey on younger have a way of…”

 

“Mom, stop! Just stop. How can you even suggest that Juni was some kind of, of pedophile.” Ami was shocked that the thought even came to her mother. “No, you are wrong. When we started dating it was after we made sure that we were both feeling the same thing. Juni gave me many opportunities to back out if I wanted to. She specifically told me that she wanted me to be sure of my feelings before we went any further.”

 

“When we did, it was because I wanted us to.” Ami spoke in a whisper as she slumped against the dinning room wall. Her normal embarrassment she felt when speaking of such things was drowned out by the pain of her loss and the undercurrent of anger toward her mother for suggesting such horrible things.

 

Ayanee thought for a moment to stop, and let Ami take a breather, but stubbornly pushed on. “I don't want to seem insensitive, but you need to understand my concerns as a mother. You never showed an interest in anyone, then out of the blue you start dating your teacher.”

 

Ayanee paused as she noted Ami's state. She was slumped against the wall cradling her head between her legs, shaking slightly. “Gods, honey I just want to know you weren't taken advantage of. I need to know that you can make good judgments so you never will be.”

 

Ami's voice, when she replied, was so quiet that Ayanee had to strain to listen. “I loved her mom, and I know she loved me.”

 

“Honey I don't doubt your feelings for her, but there is no way you can be positive that she wasn't just taking advantage…”

 

“SHE DIED FOR ME! She gave her life protecting me. She was dying, but she still made sure she got me to safety. How can you question that?” Again, Ami started yelling but quickly lost steam, she just did not have the energy for this conversation

 

Ayanee was instantly at her daughter`s side kneeling next to her and pulling her into a hug, which Ami reluctantly accepted. “You`re right honey. I did'nt consider that.”

 

 

 

The Mizuno's huddled together in silence. Ayanee did her best to comfort Ami as she struggled with her emotions. “What kind of person was she?” Ayanee asked after a long stretch of silence. She knew that she would never truly know how Juni felt for Ami, but she also knew that dwelling on it would not solve anything. The best she could do, was to see Juni through Ami`s eyes. Hopefully encouraging Ami to talk about her lover would help her to better understand their relationship, and more importantly it would help Ami to start healing.

 

“Tell me about the woman who won my daughter's heart.”

 

The remainder of the afternoon was a cathartic experience for both Mizuno's. Ayanee was given a chance to reconnect with her daughter. She had unintentionally lost touch with her ever since their move to Juban, and she regretted that deeply. For Ami, it was her first opportunity to talk freely about Juni since she died. She was able to slowly begin the process of healing.

 

 

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“Mr. Shinozaki?” Makoto called out hesitantly as she entered his empty office. “Old man are you here?”

 

“Miss. Kino!” Uncomfortable form being out of her element, Makoto nearly screamed when her aging parole officer appeared behind her.

 

The older man pretended not to notice, and continued over to his desk where he sat down the fresh cup of coffee he was carrying. “You're a little early. I wasn't expecting you for another half-hour.”

 

“Oh.” Makoto's discomfort was obvious as she fidgeted and glanced nervously around the room. “Uhm, I can come back.”

 

“No, no, please have a seat.” Shinozaki hastened to make her comfortable. It was obvious that she had a had a difficult time being here and he really wanted her to stay.

 

“Do you want a cup?” He asked in reference to the coffee mug waiting for him at his desk.

 

At Makoto's nod he made another trip to the coffee pot. He used the time to sort out the changes he saw in the young woman that he had know for nearly six years. Those six years he was her sole parole officer. In all the time he had known her, she always had a wild untamed energy about her. It was as if she lived each day without caring if she saw the next. Today, that dangerous energy was gone. For the first time since he first met her, Makoto had hope.

 

“Three sugars and coffee with your cream.” Shinozaki joked as he set the beverage next to Makoto. The kind gesture seemed to calm her a bit. Taking a big swallow of the hot, sweet beverage helped as well.

 

“This is delicious, how did you remember I like it that way?”

 

“We have know each other a long time Miss. Kino, and I must admit to growing quite fond of you.” Shinozaki nearly laughed out loud at the look his comment received. “Not like that, you ecchi. I've known you since you were twelve years old. You're practically a daughter to me.”

 

Shinozaki smiled to himself at the reaction these words received. Makoto seemed shocked, hopeful, and perhaps a bit confused. “Really?” Makoto managed to stammer out as she nervously tugged at one of her errant dreads. “You think that even after everything I have done, after everything I said about you?”

 

“Those things don't matter now. Many young men and women have come through my office, but few ever had any spirit. Despite all the mistakes you have made you are always sorry for what you have done. I firmly believe that you would really like to become a valuable member of society.”

 

Shinozaki paused to take a drink of his coffee. Makoto sat still, somewhat dumbfounded. “That is why I was very happy, and proud of you when you called me last night. Now then, tell me all about what's happened.”

 

Makoto spent a moment nursing her cup of coffee. She was embarrassed by the acceptance and praise that Shinozaki gave her. The two spent the next three hours discussing what had happened since Makoto had last left Juvie. Shinozaki held back a grin as she told of how she ditched the court appointed foster family. He had known she would, she has not remained with any foster family for more than a week since she was eleven.

 

He was happy that she had someone to turn to, although she never described who he was or even mention his name. He was more than a little shocked to hear about the fight, but was proud of Makoto for helping the girl in trouble. In the end, he was just thankful that she seemed unharmed, plus she received a home and job out of it.

 

Makoto finally seemed to be getting comfortable, and actually found herself enjoying Shinozaki's company. Their conversation gave her a pause in her thoughts of Fiore, which she needed. Shinozaki was also enjoying there discussion, and had ordered lunch while they laughed at some of the stories Makoto had about the old priest she lived with.

 

The mood was light and positive, but sadly Makoto's story did not have a happy ending. Shinozaki listened sympathetically as Makoto spoke of her boss. Makoto had obviously liked the woman. Shinozaki suspected that was because she seemed to have treated Makoto with a sense of professionalism and respect that she had undoubtedly never received before.

 

When Makoto's story came to a close, Shinozaki risked patting her on the shoulder in a show of paternal support. Surprisingly, Makoto, whom Shinozaki knew had to have seen and done more than anyone her age should, accepted it.

 

“Well, you went out and got a good job and now have good deal of savings and need to know what to do with it. My suggestion would be to go back to school. That money won't last forever. With a high school diploma you have a good chance of getting into a university, and from there the sky is the limit.” Now that catching up was out of the way, Shinozaki got right down to business. Makoto seemed a bit stunned, never would she have thought she would have the opportunity, or the desire to return to school.

 

“The question is,” Shinozaki could already see the answer in Makoto's eyes. “Are you ready for that, do you want to return to school?”

 

“Shit yeah!” Makoto slapped her hand across her mouth in embarrassment. Excitement at the prospect of returning to school was getting her worked up. “I guess if I'm gonna go back to school I should learn to watch my mouth.”

 

Shinozaki's eyes lit up as he spoke to his young friend. “You're off to a good start already. Now then, I took the liberty of calling some schools to get some information for you.”

 

Makoto sat down, excited and ready to absorb everything Shinozaki had to say. “First off,” He started. “The school closest to this area is the Juban high and a few private schools. I called Juban; they said they would accept you as a freshman into their remedial classes. You need to be able to maintain a C average or higher. Now, are you committed enough to do that?”

 

Makoto nodded enthusiastically, her dreadlocks flinging wildly. “Yeah, I even have this really smart friend who will maybe help me study.”

 

Encouraged by Makoto's obvious excitement, Shinozaki moved on. ::Now for the hard part.:: “The other condition is that you need to meet one of the following requirements. You need to live full time with a foster family.”

 

Makoto immediately became subdued and the color seemed to drain from her face. Shinozaki couldn't help but wonder what could have happened to make her so afraid. He wished things could have been different. If Makoto had grown up with the proper guidance he had no doubt she would have been a stellar student and model citizen. “Your other choices are to become an emancipated adult, or you need to be adopted.”

 

Makoto rubbed her neck as she considered. “What's an emancipated adult?”

 

“Hmm.” Shinozaki stalled as he cleaned his glasses on a cloth he kept in his front pant pocket. “Your only option for that is to get married. The other ways aren't available to you due to your legal past. Turning eighteen would of course make you an adult, but then you would have to pay to attend school. And I know you have some money, but school gets expensive. If you can go without paying that would leave your money open for living expenses and future investments.”

 

“But, I turn eighteen in a few months.” Makoto looked worried.

 

“Don't worry,” Shinozaki hastened to explain. “If you start before then and maintain your GPA you will not occur any fees.”

 

“I don't know what to do.” Makoto was overwhelmed with her opportunities. For the first time in her life, she had a chance at a future.

 

“You have a lot to think about Makoto. I suggest that you ask your priest friend about adopting you. I would, but my finances are in shambles and the courts would not allow it. Hey, maybe you have a friend who you could arrange a marriage with?” Shinozaki chanced the next suggestion, though he knew it would make Makoto uncomfortable. “As a last resort, I can help you shop a number of foster families.”

 

Makoto paled again at the mere suggestion. “No! No, I will look into other stuff. Uhm.” Makoto hesitated, she never expected to say what she was about to. “Old man… No, Mr. Shinozaki”

 

“Yes?” The aging man waited for Makoto to continue.

 

“Thank you.” Makoto stood up and bowed slightly to her parole officer. “Thank you for putting up with me all these years. I've been a real bitch to you. I'm sorry for that.”

 

Shinozaki smiled as he also stood to return Makoto's bow. He was filled with pride that one of his favorite people was finally getting their life together. “I am proud of you Makoto. I accept your apology, though I've suffered through much worse.”

 

“Oh,” Shinozaki returned to his seat and rummaged around his clustered desk, finally finding what he was searching for. “Here is a letter with everything you will need for school. Show it to the priest and see if you can convince him to help you. I think for now that is your best option.”

 

Makoto clutched the envelope to her chest visibly shaken by the opportunity presented her. “Thank you.”

 

“It's my pleasure.” Shinozaki smiled. “Can I call you a cab?”

 

“Uhm, no thanks I'm gonna get a bus.” Makoto walked to the door, she wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. “Uhm, I'll uh I'll let you know how everything turns out.”

 

“I'll be looking forward to it.” Shinozaki watched Makoto part, feeling proud of her as a father would his child. ::Good luck Makoto, I know you can do it.::