Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Moon Princess in Gotham ❯ Clown Couple Of Crime's Convention Caper! ( Chapter 8 )

I do not own Batman or any of the related characters. They are the property of D.C. Comics and Warner Entertainment. I also don't own Sailor Moon-and if you thought I did, you belong in Arkham Asylum with the people who created, produce, and write for Barney the Dinosaur

 

Moon Princess in Gotham

By

Darknight Squire

 

Chapter Seven: The Clown Couple of Crime's Convention Caper!

 

Serena stood up at the speaking platform of the Cherry Hill Shrine next to a card table and folding chair. She was in her makeup and costume as Moonbunny, and holding up a sign saying FREE BEAUTY MAKEOVER.

“Free Beauty Makeover!” she cried out as she walked back and forth. “Free Beauty Makeover!” Moonbunny looked out at her audience-Amy, Raye, and Raye's grandfather-and frowned. “Doesn't anyone want a FREE beauty makeover?”

“A FREE beauty makeover?” Moonbunny looked and saw that Molly had come up on stage wearing a long trench coat and a broad brimmed fedora hat. “Boy, do I need one!”

Moonbunny rubbed her hands together. “Ah, my first victim-uh, ah, I mean customer!” She waved her hand at curtain hanging from the rope. “Get yourself changed and I'll set up.”

As Molly got behind the curtain, Moonbunny opened a makeup case and set up a prop washbasin behind the chair. Molly stepped out from the curtain wearing a long white bathrobe and her red hair tucked underneath a white skullcap. “I'm ready!”

“Good. Now let's get started.” As Molly sat down in the chair, Moonbunny took off her gloves. “First we apply the foundation,” she said as she rubbed white greasepaint over Molly's face and neck, “then we powder it to set it in place.”

After she brushed the powder off Molly's face, Moonbunny laid her “customer's” head back into the basin. “Now we perm your hair. Any style you want?”

“Really curly.” Molly replied.

“You want to change your hair color?”

“Surprise me.”

Moonbunny did Molly's hair-actually she just held empty shampoo bottles over the basin while she attached Molly's wig to her skullcap-and then placed an old fashioned dryer cap over the wig, careful that no-one saw it. “Now, while your hair's getting done, we'll do the rest of the makeover. What's your favorite color?”

“Blue.” Molly said.

“Good, that will do for eye shadow.” Moonbunny painted blue oversize eyeshades over Molly's eyelids, “Now for some rouge,” she said as she painted bright red almost half hearts on Molly's cheeks, “and finally some lipstick,” the clown drew a bright red clown mouth on Molly, “and some powder to make sure it doesn't smear.”

“Are we done yet?” Molly asked after Moonbunny brushed away the powder.

“No,” said Moonbunny, “we still need some touch-ups.” Moonbunny outlined Molly's eyeshades in black and attached her eyelashes, then stood back and examined her creation. “Oh I almost forgot, your nose.”

“Why?” Molly asked. “Is it shining?”

“No,” Moonbunny quickly placed the glittering red clown nose on Molly, finishing the change into Dottie Sparks, “but now it is!”

Dottie's jaw dropped as if in shock as she narrowed her eyes to look at her nose. Moonbunny held a mirror in front of her. “What do you think?”

“Why,” Dottie stood up as she mock-examined her reflection, then tore of the dryer-cap and her bathrobe to reveal the costume she'd worn underneath the whole time, “I love it!”

All three of the audience got up and clapped. “That was very well done, Serena!” Amy said cheerfully.

“A tad predictable, but funny,” Raye added.

“Oh thank you.” Serena got off of the stage and removed her wig. “I only hope the people at the Operation Make'em Laugh clown convention tomorrow think so.”

“Oh you'll do great,” Amy said. “You and Molly have made a good name for yourselves performing at the clinic and at homeless shelters and you always bring smiles out of everyone.”

“I'm the one who should be nervous Serena,” Molly said. “You used to perform in a circus, and you've been to conventions before. Me, I'm just an amateur.”

“Yeah, but it's just not the same-a lot of big-name clowns will be there and even if it isn't a contest, they'll still be watching and judging us.” She looked at Amy and Raye. “Of course, it might be helpful if you two were there to help encourage us. They even let you in for at half-price if you're in costume and makeup. Amy would look great as a classic perriot, and Raye'd make a perfect harlequin!”

Amy and Raye looked at each other. “Sorry Serena, but I've got a Social Studies report I need to do this weekend.”

“Yeah, and I've got a whole lot of chores and fire-reading to do.” Raye put in quickly.

“I'll go with you girls.” Raye looked at her grandfather in shock. “Some of my best memories from when I was a boy was seeing the clowns at the circus. Why, I still remember my father laughing at their antics!”

“That's wonderful Grandpa!” Serena hugged the old Shinto Priest. “You'd make a great hobo. You won't even need at costume or wig-just put on a ragged old black suit and hat, and I'll do your make-up.”

“Say Serena,” Molly said, “I was wondering something. You've worn a lot of different costumes and wigs when we performed, but never the one from your circus pictures. You know, the sailor style pink blouse and blue skirt covered with crescent moons and bunnies while your hair's done up in loops.”

“Oh that.” Serena looked down at the wig she was holding. “That one's kind of special. It's a Patty Buttonskirt Original.”

“Who's Patty Buttonskirt, some kind of fashion designer for clowns?” Raye said sardonically.

“Yes.” Serena glared back at Raye. “She was a clown for Ringling Bros circus who after retiring took to custom-designing clown costumes. Some of her designs are worth over $16000.”

“Wow.” Molly said. “Is yours worth that much?"

Serena snorted. “No, only $2500. Anyway,” she continued, “Mom and Dad bought it for me after I became serious about clowning. I'd wear other costumes when we went to hospitals or marched in parades, but that one I always wore for my circus performances. And I was wearing it that night-,” she stopped, unable to continue, and water was coming to her eyes.

“Gee Serena, I'm sorry,” Molly said. “I didn't mean to bring up bad memories.”

“No, that's quite all right.” Serena said, waving one hand while she used the other to wipe her eyes. “It's just, whenever I touch it or hold it, it reminds me of that night, and I miss my parents.”

“Such a shame,” a voice Serena knew said from the doorway, “it would be a pity to let such a good costume to go to waste.

“Tom!” Serena ran over and hugged Tom Whitmore. “It's so good to see you. Are you here for the convention?”

“Actually he contacted me, and I drove him here from the bus station.” Serena looked behind Tom and saw her guardian standing right outside the door. “He'll actually be staying with us while he's in town, then I'll make arrangements to fly him back to Atlanta where Haley's circus is.”

“Thanks Bruce,” she said and hugged Whitmore even tighter.

“Are you going to keep hugging me or are you going to introduce me to your friends?”

“Oh sorry.” Serena leg go of Whitmore and stepped away. “Everyone this is Tom Whitmore, also known as Patchwork, the chief clown at Haley's Circus.”

“How do you do?” Whitmore said as he shook hands with everyone. He stopped when he came to Molly. “So, you've got yourself a protégé, eh Serena? I have to admit she does have potential.”

Molly fluttered her eyelashes. “Actually, I only plan to do this as a hobby.”

Tom Whitmore smiled. “Some of the best clowns I knew were hobby clowns. Clowning is more than just a hobby or a profession-it's a craft, an art, about finding another person inside yourself and bringing that person out and letting her be part of you.”

Molly smiled. “I'll try to remember that.”

Tom looked at Serena. “Serena, about what I said earlier-it would be a shame if you just let that costume hang in your closet gathering dust. And I know your parents wouldn't want it to cause you to dwell on what happened to them. Could you wear it tomorrow-at least as a favor for me?”

Serena smiled. “Sure Tom.” She then looked at the wig in her hands “I'll think I'll wear this wig though, instead of that loopy ponytail style.”

She held it up for Tom to see. The wig was pink with two bushy ponytails flaring from twin buns done up to resemble rabbit ears at the back. “It certainly fits a clown named `Moonbunny.'” Tom said. “It could almost be a hairstyle for a character from those silly cartoons that come out of Japan these days.”

 

That evening at Wayne Manor, after dinner had been eaten and Dick and Serena had gone to bed, Bruce walked over to the clock leading to the Batcave, when he suddenly heard someone walking up behind him. Turning around, he saw Tom Whitmore standing there. “Uh, Mr. Whitmore, shouldn't you be getting to bed? I mean, you and Serena both have a big day ahead of you at the convention tomorrow.”

“Yes, I was just heading there,” Whitmore said, “but before I did, I just want to thank you.”

“Thank me for what?” Bruce asked.

“Why for taking Serena and Dick in, of course.” Whitmore said wistfully. “If you hadn't, they would too likely have been placed in an orphanage or bounced around in the foster care system. The boy's a strong one; he'd have come through something like that a lot better than most. But Serena,” Whitmore sighed, “Serena however, she'd likely have lost that wide-eyed cheerful way she looks at the world and everyone around it. That's too rare a thing in this world.”

Bruce nodded. “Wayne Manor certainly has become a lot more cheerful since she arrived.”

Whitmore looked into Bruce Wayne's eyes. “I've read about what happened to your own folks, Mr. Wayne. Some might say you were luckier than most because of your vast wealth, but losing your family and childhood like that shouldn't happen to anyone, be they rich or poor.”

 

The Operation Make'em Laugh clown convention was held at the Gotham Plaza Hotel Arena. Thousands of clowns and wanna-be clowns and non-clowns had come from across America and the world for the occasion.

And the man who owned the hotel had just dropped off four of them. “I'll send Alfred when the convention's over at 8:00 tonight to pick you up,” Bruce Wayne told them. “Until then, enjoy yourselves.”

Moonbunny, Patchwork, Molly-she wouldn't be in costume until after the Beauty Makeover Skit-and Ryu Hino dressed as a hobo clown walked up to the Admissions gate. Hino paid his half admission fee, while the others showed their passes.

As they went inside, Patchwork looked at Hino. “You know, that's not bad for a makeshift costume, but I think Serena made your face a little too much like mine.”

“Well, whenever I think of tramp or hobo clowns I think of you,” said Moonbunny.

Patchwork waved his hand. “That's quite all right. If anything I'm flattered. And it's just different enough that no one should notice when I go up for my acceptance speech.”

Moonbunny blinked. “Acceptance speech? For what?” She hadn't known her old friend and clown mentor was being awarded tonight.

“Why, I'm being inducted into the Clown Hall of Fame, of course.” Patchwork reached into his coat pocket and pulled out an envelope. “Why, right before I left for Gotham I received this in the mail. It came with a note that said it was my speech written free of charge and that I'd never read anything this funny again. I hope whoever wrote it's right.”

 

Darien Shields sighed as he prepared the concession stand for the convention. I need to get myself another job, he thought to himself. He'd worked and studied hard ever since he was fifteen to better himself and escape from the orphanage. This current job wasn't that bad but making enough money to support himself cut into his study time. If he didn't keep up his grades, Darien would lose his academic scholarship, and he didn't have a family to help him out.

A young clown, a girl whose pink wig was done in a really oddball style, came up to the stand. “I'll have three hotdogs, two orders of nachos, and a large milkshake, please,” she said. Why did her voice sound so familiar?

Darien gave her what she ordered and took her money. He looked closer at her. “Hey, I know you! You're Meatball Head!”

Moonbunny glared at Darien. “My name is Serena, or when I'm like this, Moonbunny, not Meatball Head!” It was bad enough when Dick called her that, but for this total stranger-!

Darien shrugged. “Why not? Not only do you have two meatballs in your hair, you're wearing a big red meatball on your nose!”

“Clowning is serious business!” Moonbunny shouted. “I used to work for a circus!”

“Hey!” another clown behind Moonbunny said, “Are you going to stand there arguing all day or are you going to let us to the stand?”

Serena took her food and walked back to her friends. She decided no matter how hungry she got she wouldn't come back this stand again.

 

Operation Make'em Laugh went the way clown conventions usually go. Seminars were conducted on makeup, performance techniques, and the ethics of clowning. Moonbunny and Dottie Sparks performed their Beauty Makeover and other skits and were surprised when the judges-one of whom was none other than costume designer Patty Buttonskirt-gave them a four star rating.

Finally at 6:00 came the time to honor significant clowns for their achievements. “And now, it gives me great pleasure,” said the master of ceremonies, “to welcome into the Clown Hall of Fame, a man who for more than thirty years has devoted himself to bringing laughter and cheer to millions, the chief clown for Haley's Circus, Thomas `Patchwork' Whitmore!”

The seated convention goers all cheered and clapped as Patchwork got up on the speaking platform. “Thank you thank you,” Patchwork said. “Truly, it is an honor to be here tonight.”

He got out the speech from his shirt pocket. Quickly he unfolded the paper and began. “A funny thing happened to-he he-me on the way-He He-,” his mouth stretched into a wide grin that his makeup made even wider, “He-He-He-He!”

Dottie Sparks looked at Moonbunny. “Is something the matter with him?”

Moonbunny just looked back at the platform. “I have no idea.”

“Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!” Patchwork pounded on the podium. “HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

Then suddenly he fell over backwards.

Forgetting everything else Moonbunny rushed up to speaking platform. A pair of security guards held her back from the twitching body of her friend. Another guard held the unconscious clown's wrist. “Pulse stopped. He was dead before he hit the floor.”

“NO!” Moonbunny cried out. Not since the night her parents died had she felt like this.

One of the clowns in the audience suddenly began a fit of laughter eerily like the one Patchwork just gave. “Please,” the guard next to Serena shouted at the offender, “this man just died. This is not something to laugh about.”

“Oh but it is.” The clown stood up and gave a leering grin. “The people holding this convention were going to put him into the Clown Hall of Fame, while overlooking me, Gotham's greatest clown!” He ripped off his nose, pulled of his wig, and wiped away paint markings from his still pasty face.

Moonbunny, the guards, and nearly everyone in the convention hall gasped. It was the Joker! And I had to leave my brooch at home!

The convention hall security guards reached for their pistols, only to see other people pull out pistols and shotguns and point them at the convention patrons. “I wouldn't do that if I were you,” the Joker said.

The Joker's henchmen all grabbed sacks and pointed their guns at the people. “Okay everyone,” the Joker shouted, “give them your wallets, your purses, watches and jewelry. And you clowns,” and his scary face got even scarier, “step out of your costumes and shoes and put them in the bags. Along with your wigs and noses too!”

One of the clowns, a woman in her mid twenties, turned out to have a very ample and shapely body underneath her costume. “Say, Boss,” the henchman robbing her called to the Joker, “what say I take little Miss Bozo back and see if she can put a smile on MY face?”

“Oh very well but be quick about it,” the Joker said.

The robber grabbed the female clown and smiled lecherously at her, when he suddenly felt his pistol being knocked out of his hand. He looked to the wall and saw the gun dangling from a-rose?

Everyone looked up and saw a young man wearing a black tuxedo and white mask standing over the skylight window, his black and red interior cape flowing into the evening wind.

Hope filled Moonbunny at the sight. It's Tuxedo Mask!

“These people have come to celebrate an art that brings laughter and cheer to the world, an art that you disgrace with your foul crimes Joker!” Tuxedo Mask called down. He threw down more roses, knocking each of the henchmen's guns out of their hands. The tuxedoed hero then leaped down in front of the Joker and drew his sword from his cane. “Give yourself up now. You cannot beat me in a fair fight.”

Something behind Tuxedo Mask suddenly hit him in the head, and he fell to the floor. The Joker looked down at him. “Maybe so, Tuxedo-Wax, but I always keep an ace up my sleeve.” Standing right behind Tuxedo musk and holding a large over sized novelty gun with a punching bag hanging from the barrel was a young woman in a black and red jester costume, her face hidden in white greasepaint and a black domino mask.

“No! Tuxedo Mask!” Moonbunny cried out as she rushed over right at the Joker and Harley Quinn.

Suddenly the Joker pulled a revolver from inside his coat and pointed it at her. “I see we haven't gotten around to robbing you, miss,” he said.

Reluctantly, Serena got out of her costume. When she took off her wig and nose, the Joker's eyes got wide. “I know who you are!” He motioned with his gun. “Sidney, Roy, come here. We're taking this girl with us.”

Serena stepped back in shock. He knows I'm Sailor Moon?

One of the men the Joker called was the one whose rape Tuxedo Mask had foiled. “I don't know about her Boss. She looks a little scrawny. And flat too.”

“Not for that you lecherous half-wit!” the Joker cried. “She's Serena Grayson, one of those orphan brats Bruce Wayne took in. Her guardian's the richest man in Gotham! Think of the ransom she'll bring in!”

“Now see here!” The Joker looked and saw a short bald man in hobo clown makeup step out from the crowd. “If you want a hostage take me in her place! I know Mr. Wayne; he'll pay as much for me as for her.”

“Maybe, but I can't afford to take that chance.” CRACKOW! Ryu Hino fell over backwards as the bullet from the Joker's gun ripped through his body.

The Joker motioned with his pistol at Tuxedo Mask. “Take this Batman wanna-be with us. I've got a little score to settle with him.”

The two henchmen grabbed Serena by the wrists, and a third put a gas mask over her face. Two more picked up Tuxedo Mask.

The Joker leered out at the crowd, then at Ryu Hino's unconscious body. “Anyone else, want to play hero?” No one answered. “Good. Now to be sure nobody follows us-,” he, Harley Quinn, and the rest of his henchmen placed gas masks over their own mouths, “I thought it'd be for the best if I left all you clowns here laughing!” Out from the balloons placed all over the convention hall, a greenish gas leaked out, filling up the entire building. One by one, the clowns and other convention patrons fell to the floor, laughing as hard as their lungs would allow.

 

Ami Anderson looked over at the grapnel Raye had given her. She knew no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't duplicate it. Oh the technology behind it she understood easily enough. But her computer analysis showed that the cord was made from silk, and the bits at the end were industrial diamonds. Even though the latter cost far less than the kind used for jewelry they were still too expensive for her to afford. Whoever Batman is, she thought, he must have considerable financial resources to make something like this.

Suddenly she heard the transmitter Luna had given her beeping. Pulling it out of her pocket, she turned it on and saw Raye's face one the small screen. “What is it Raye?”

“The convention Serena and Grandpa went to-,” Raye said, her voice choked with worry, “-it was robbed by the Joker! Serena's been kidnapped-Grandpa's been shot!”

Suddenly Raye broke down into tears.

“Listen Raye, I know you're upset and you have every right to be,” Amy said, “but please, tell me where you're at, and I'll be right over.”

“Gotham General Hospital. Mr. Wayne and Dick are here too.”

“I'll be right over.”

Amy ran to the garage and got out her bicycle. Of all the things that could ruin a Saturday this had to be the absolute worst.

 

Amy biked over to Gotham General Hospital, and found Raye, Dick, and Bruce Wayne waiting for her in the lobby. “Raye, you're grandfather-how is he?”

Raye looked at Amy with worried eyes. “They won't let me see him. They say he's in critical condition, but stable.”

Amy then looked at Bruce. “Any word about Serena?”

Bruce shook his head. Dick just looked at the floor; his eyes were fighting back tears.

He really does care about his sister, Amy thought. I never would have believed it, the way he's always insulting her.

“It gets even worse,” Bruce said. “Tom Whitmore, the man you met yesterday, is dead-he was being honored at the convention and read from a speech that had been coated with Joker-Venom. And just as he left with Serena, the Joker and his goons released a large amount of the Venom in gas form from the balloons-it's a good thing the helium diluted it enough that no one died before the building's ventilation system vented it out. Molly's all right, although it took a while to work the gas out of her system.”

Suddenly a man that Amy recognized from pictures as Police Commissioner James Gordon walked into the hospital lobby. Right behind him was two police officers-one a slovenly looking overweight man wearing an old trench coat and fedora; the other was a Hispanic beauty in an impeccable police uniform.

“Mr. Wayne,” said Gordon, “we have something I think you should see.”

The police commissioner led Bruce, Dick, and the girls over to an empty waiting room. Gordon took a small brown envelope from his coat. “This arrived at police headquarters just ten minutes after the Joker exited the convention building.” He pulled a videotape from the envelope, and then looked at Dick, Raye, and Amy. “I'm not sure if kids should see-,”

“If it's about my sister, I want to see it,” Dick said. Gordon looked at Bruce who nodded quietly.

Suddenly a nurse came up to Raye. “Miss Hino?” Raye looked up. “Your grandfather's still unconscious, but he can have one or two visitors now. Do you want to see him?”

Raye nodded. Amy took her hand. “I'll go with her, if that's all right. I'm her friend.”

The nurse looked at Amy. “Normally we only allow family members, but since the patient has no other relatives and Miss Hino looks like she could use some support herself, we'll allow you in this case.”

As the nurse led Amy and Raye away, Gordon took videotape from the envelope and placed it in the waiting room VCR.

Suddenly the grinning face of the Joker appeared on the screen. “Hello, Brucie!” the Joker cried out. “How's Gotham's favorite multi-billionaire? It's 6:30 right now-do you know where your little ward is? Well I do!” Suddenly he brought Serena over to the picture. Her clown makeup was streaked with sweat, her hands were tied behind her back and a ball gaff was placed over her mouth. “She's right here at my Ha-ha hacienda in the sewers, enjoying a nice stay with old uncle Joker!” He then pushed Serena aside and looked directly at camera. “But if I don't receive three billion in unmarked bills from you by midnight tonight, this little clown is going to be making angels laugh in heaven. And Batman, if you're watching this, I want it to be delivered by your bird boy Robin. HA HA HA HA HA!”

Dick suddenly looked blue in the face. “I think I'm gonna be sick.” Quietly he exited the waiting room.

Gordon switched of the TV. “It's almost 8:00 right now. I know that three billion is a lot even from someone like you Mr. Wayne, but-.”

“I'd pay twice, or even thrice that if I thought he'd give Serena back alive,” Bruce said. “Three billion, six billion, nine billion-it's all nothing compared to Serena's life. But from what I've heard of the Joker-.”

“He's totally unpredictable,” Gordon nodded. “He may give her back completely unharmed, he may give her back alive but after letting his goons have their way with her, or he may have her chopped up into little bits. He didn't even give a location to deliver the ransom money at.”

“Wait a minute,” Bruce said. “Commissioner, did anything arrive with the tape?”

Gordon scratched his head. “Yes, a dead fish.”

“Do you know what kind of fish it was?”

Gordon's eyebrows rose. “I think it was identified as a mahi-mahi, but I don't see-.”

“Of course!” Bruce snapped his fingers. “Mahi-mahi aren't found in Gotham waters-they're native to Hawaii. And those that are flown in for food are already filleted and frozen. The only place a whole one would be found would be the Gotham City Aquarium!” Gordon and the two cops looked at Bruce. “Wayne Enterprises does have considerable holding in fishing interests.” He looked down. “It looks like we have no choice to play along with the Joker for now.”

 

Dick took the hearing piece out of his ear. He'd used it to listen in on the last of Gordon's conversation with Bruce; now he had to find Raye and Amy. Quickly he put on his mask and placed a pair of sunglasses over it.

 

The med scan read Ryu Hino's heartbeat as stable. Amy could tell he would make it, but that didn't stop Raye from worrying.

“Please Grandpa,” the young shrine maiden said as she sat down beside the old man's bed and held his hand, “you're all I've got left. If you go, then what'll happen to the shrine or me?”

Amy looked on in sympathy. She'd never seen Raye act so vulnerable; she usually put on the boldest face Amy had seen of anyone. She'd read about what happened to Raye's parents. To see your mother die in a tank of acid and a father you loved and admired twisted into a monster almost as bad as the Joker-it was a wonder Raye wasn't a basket case herself.

“Excuse me,” a voice said. Amy and Raye looked and saw a young boy wearing sunglasses just outside the door. “May I come in?”

“This room is for-,” Amy began, but then the boy pulled down his sunglasses, showing a domino mask underneath. “Robin!”

The Boy Wonder in his civilian disguise came in. “How is he?” he asked, looking at Ryu Hino.

“He's in stable condition,” Amy said, “but what are you doing here?”

Robin slid his sunglasses back on. “Look, can you both be out by the Gotham Aquarium in an hour? In your sailor suits, of course.” Both Amy and Raye nodded. “Good. We have reason to believe that the Joker's got Serena in the sewers underneath the aquarium. I'm supposed to deliver three billion dollars from Mister Wayne to the Joker personally, but Batman thinks the Joker may try something foul. If so, I'd like to have a pair of aces up my sleeve.”

Suddenly there was a tapping at the window. The three looked and saw Luna with Serena's brooch and Disguise Pen in her mouth pawing at the glass.

Amy opened the window and the black cat with a crescent on her forehead looked at Raye's grandfather. “Don't worry, he's unconscious.”

Luna spat the items out of her mouth. “Good. I would have come earlier, but this hospital doesn't allow pets, and you'll need to get these to Serena if you're to rescue her from the Joker.” She let out a sigh. “It would be just like her to leave her transformation brooch behind at a time like this.”

Raye looked down. “Leave it to that Meatball Head to forget her stuff and then get kidnapped.”

Amy was relieved. If Raye could still insult Serena, she should come through this all right.

 

Tuxedo Mask opened his eyes. At first he thought everything was upside down. Then the blood rushing to his head made him realize everything else was right side up; he was the one upside down. And wearing a straitjacket.

The Joker, wearing Tuxedo Mask's top hat and cape and carrying his cane, looked up at Tuxedo Mask. “Well, well, tux-boy,” the grinning lunatic said, “you're awake at last. For your demise!”

Tuxedo Mask looked down and saw that he was suspended above a tank of water. “Since you dress like a magician, I figured you might do a little trick for me-Houdini's Chinese Water Torture Chamber! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

“And if I refuse, Joker?”

The Joker's two goons brought over the girl Serena, bound and gagged. The Joker pulled out his gun and held the barrel under her chin. “Then I blow this little clown-girl's head off! Ha ha haha ha haha ha!”

One of the Joker's goons laughed along with him. The other one just rolled his eyes. The Joker looked at his henchman. “You're not laughing, Roy.”

“Why should I?” Roy shouted. The other henchman looked warily, no one shouted back at the Joker like that. “We got a good deal of cash from the box office and from the wallets and purses, but why'd you have us take all those silly costumes?”

“Why?” the Joker looked squarely at Roy. “Some of those costumes are just cheap junk you can get for thirty bucks at a costume store. But others, those used by the professionals, are worth thousands of dollars! We bootleg the stuff over e-Bay, and we can make millions! Plus we got this ransom girl here to boot!”

The Joker reached inside his coat. “Here,” he said as he pulled something out and handed it to Roy, “Have a cigar.” Roy looked at the cigar dubiously. “Try it. You'll like it!”

Carefully, Roy lit the cigar and gave out a few puffs. “Not a bad smoke!” Suddenly he pulled out the cigar. “Wait a minute. This is probably an exploding cigar!”

“Ooh, you guessed the joke!” the Joker gave a mock sigh.

“Oh, same old Joker,” Roy chuckled. “Always with the gags. Very well, I'll go along.”

Suddenly Harley Quinn came into the chamber, dressed in Serena's costume and wig. “Aint it lovely Mistah J?” She said as she danced in front of him. “I've always wanted an original by Patty Buttonskirt!” Suddenly she sniffed and held her nose. “Pee-you. What's that smell?”

“I'm afraid you'll have to leave, Roy,” the Joker said. “Miss Quinn doesn't like the smell of cigar smoke.”

“Okay.” Roy put the cigar back in his mouth and walked out of the chamber.

The Joker counted on his fingers. “Three, two, one-,”

BLAM! “-zero! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!” the Joker roared. “Poor Roy. He figured the first part of the joke, but he didn't realize the explosive in the cigar was nitroglycerine!”

Serena's eyes widened in fear. She heard stories about the Joker in school and Amy said he was as evil as anything that came from the Dark Kingdom. That one time she'd encountered him at the casino hadn't left much of an impression, but now seeing the way he perverted something she loved to do so much-.

“You're a sick man, Joker.” Tuxedo Mask called out from where he was suspended.

“Oh yes,” the Joker looked back up at Tuxedo Mask. “I forgot about you.” He snapped his fingers. “Sidney!” He looked to the door. “Ron! Emmett! Come in here!” Two more goons came into the chamber. “Lower cape-boy into the water. We're going to have a little show here.”

 

Commissioner Gordon, Bruce Wayne, and the two police officers from the hospital stepped out from the police cars in front of the Gotham Aquarium. Gordon looked at the briefcase in Bruce's hands. “Are you sure you want to go along with this? Knowing the Joker-,”

Bruce nodded. “This way at least, we have a chance of getting Serena back.”

Suddenly a red and yellow clad figure swooped down from the top of the building. “Do you have the money for the Joker?”

“Robin?” Commissioner Gordon looked at the costumed boy. “How do you-never mind. You're Batman's partner after all and he has his ways of finding these things out.”

“I'm ready to take it to him.” The Boy Wonder took the briefcase from Bruce.

“Good.” Everyone looked and saw two huge over sized men standing in the Aquarium's doorway. “We're here to take the Boy Blunder and the money down to the boss,” one of the two thugs said. “Anyone try to follow us, and this little boy gets-.” He mimed a gun to his own head, “K-pow!”

“Yeah,” the other thug sneered. “And the boss insists that Bird Boy take off his utility belt too!” With a shrug Robin unclasped his utility belt and handed it to one of the men.

As Robin walked into building with the Joker's men, the slovenly cop took the cigar from his mouth. “I can't believe the things we have kids doing these days.”

“It's better than juvenile delinquency,” the Spanish woman said.

“Like that troublemaking sister of yours?”

“Lita is not a troublemaker!”

 

Serena watched anxiously as Tuxedo Mask struggled against the straitjacket. Suddenly the masked teenager managed to break free, and the straitjacket fell to the bottom of the water chamber.

“They just don't make straitjackets the way they used to,” the Joker frowned as Tuxedo mask managed to climb up the suspension rope out of the water chamber.

“Well, you should know, pasty face.” Everyone in the chamber turned and saw Robin enter carrying a briefcase, escorted by the two thugs, one of whom carried Robin's utility belt over his shoulder.

“Ah. Well done, Lou and Jacob.” The Joker took the briefcase from Robin and opened it. His red grin got wider as he took out the bills and counted them. “Ooh, this will bring me lots of joy buzzers!”

“You've got you money. Now let the girl go.”

“Oh sure.” Harley untied Serena and removed the ball gaff from her mouth.

Serena rush over to Robin and hugged him. “Oh thank you thank you, thank you!” she cried, weeping tears of joy. Never had she been so glad to see her brother or his alter ego!

Suddenly she looked back and saw Tuxedo Mask. The Joker turned his gun to Robin and Serena. “I'm not through with you, Tuxedo Man or whatever you call yourself. Try anything funny, and I'll have these two shot!” Tuxedo Mask relented as he let one of the Joker's men cuff his hands behind his back.

“What are you going to do to him?” Serena asked.

“I have one more show for you kiddies.”

Reluctantly, Robin and Serena followed the Joker out into the sewers to a rather wide space. There was a large platform covered by a giant blue curtain.

“What is it you want us to see?” Robin asked.

“Why,” the Joker smiled as Sydney and Emmett brought Tuxedo Mask up to the platform, while the one called Sydney pulled the curtain away, “this!”

The platform was a large aquarium tank. And swimming inside it was large blue shark.

“You-you're going to feed him to that shark?” Serena wailed. “Why?”

The Joker lay back against the glass wall of the tank. The shark came up and it's face showed right next to the Joker's. “Can't you see the resemblance?”

“Boy, what an insult to the shark.” Robin quipped.

“No please!” Serena cried. “Let him go too!”

“Why?” the Joker chuckled. “I've got a little score to settle, and no-one's paying me for him, so why should I-unless,” the Clown Prince of Crime cocked a green eyebrow, “one of you kiddies takes his place.”

Robin stepped forward. “I'll do it,” he said.

“But Robin-,” Serena started, but then saw Robin wink behind his mask-not at her, but at the two henchmen he'd come in with.

The Joker placed a pair of manacles on Robin's wrists and brought him and Serena to the platform. “Very well Bird Boy,” the Giggling Gargoyle chortled, “time for your dip.”

Immediately Robin jumped into the pool. “And now for you, Turtle-Musk!” He shoved the still manacled Tuxedo-Mask into the tank.

“You-you said you'd let him go!” Serena cried out.

“I'm a notorious liar!” The Joker pick up a paper bag and pulled out a bloody cow heart. Laughing, he threw it at Serena, who fell backwards into the water.

Picking up the scent of blood, the shark raced at the girl. Quickly, Robin swum onto the shark's back and placed his manacle's chain between it's massive jaws.

Seeing the shark occupied, Tuxedo-Mask worked his manacled arms under his legs and swan towards Serena.

“Here Robin!” one of the henchmen who escorted him called in a female-sounding voice, “catch!”

He threw Robin's utility belt into the pool, while the other picked up a large rock and threw it at the tank, breaking the glass.

“Lou! Jacob! What are you doing?” the Joker exclaimed as he saw the water pouring out of the tank.

“We're not Lou and Jacob!” the two henchmen cried. Suddenly their seeming shimmered and dissolved, showing two girls in fancy white sailor suits.

“Who are you, rejects from the Wonder Woman tryouts?” asked Harley Quinn.

“I am Sailor Mercury!” the shorthaired girl cried out.

“And I am Sailor Mars!” said her companion.

“Because of you a man who dedicated himself to making people laugh and forget their troubles is dead!”

“And another man is in the hospital holding on for dear life!

“In the name of Mercury-,”

“-and on behalf of Mars-,”

“-You're going back to Arkham Asylum!” they finished in unison.

The Joker pointed at the two girls. “Get them!”

The Joker's goons pulled out pistols and picked up shotguns and Tommy guns. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! RATATATATATATAT!

Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars held up their arms, their bulletproof gauntlets protecting their faces.

The shark underneath Robin gasped as the water drained from the tank. Quickly Robin got off, grabbed his utility belt and snapped it around his waist.

He waded through the tank to Tuxedo Mask and Serena. Removing a grapnel from his belt, Robin fired it. After seeing the end wrap around an overhanging pipe, he handed the grapnel to Tuxedo Mask.

“Clip this to your belt and touch the button. That should reel us up.” Doing as Robin said, Tuxedo Mask then grabbed the Boy Wonder and Serena around the waist and the grapnel reeled them up out of the tank.

Swinging up onto a ledge, Tuxedo Mask removed the grapnel and handed it back to Robin. “Now get this girl to safety. I'll help Sailors Mars and Mercury.” And then he leaped down to join the two Sailor Senshi.

Serena looked down. “How did Amy and Raye-?”

“They got into the Aquarium just before everyone arrived,” Robin said. “They managed to take out Lou and Jacob-those goons are trussed up for the cops-and used your Disguise Pen to look like them. We found our way here with the help of this.” He tapped the side of his mask.

“How are Molly and Grandpa-?”

“Molly's all right, she and the others didn't breath a lethal dose. And Raye's grandfather should pull through. And Serena-.” Robin suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around his sister.

“There'll be plenty of time for family moments later.” Robin and Serena looked and saw Luna with one paw on Serena's brooch. “It's time for Sailor Moon!”

Serena took the brooch in her hands. “Moon Prism Power, MAKE-UP!”

 

“MARS FIRE IGNITE!” Fire shot from Sailor Mar's fingers and hit a goon's tommy gun.

He dropped the heated submachine gun and blew one his hands. “Hot! HOT HOT HOT HOT!”

Sailor Mercury leaped up and brought her heels against another goon's face. Harley drew a bead on the blue clad senshi with grenade novelty gun. “Just a little more, missy,”

Suddenly a rose knocked the weapon out of her hands. More flowers rained down from above, disarming the entire gang.

She and the Joker looked up and saw Tuxedo Mask, minus cape and hat, smiling down at them.

“I believe you're wearing something that belongs to the girl, Miss Quinn,” Tuxedo Mask smiled, “plus you've got three things that belong to me, Joker, plus Mr. Wayne's money.”

“No way I'm giving it back, Cheater-Mask!” the Joker cried out. Quickly he picked up the briefcase and headed for a nearby door.

Harley followed after him, but suddenly a bolas shot down from above and wrapped itself around her legs. She fell to the floor.

Tuxedo Mask and the girls looked and saw Sailor Moon leaping down to the sewer chamber floor. Behind her via grapnel was Robin.

Sailor Mars cocked an eyebrow at Sailor Moon. “Look who finally showed up.”

“Hey, you know why I couldn't be here earlier!” Sailor Moon shot back.

“Girls, girls.” The Senshi looked over at Tuxedo Mask, who put manacles on Harley Quinn. “The Joker has gone through that door and will likely escape if we don't stop him! If it were any other hood I'd let him go, but that lunatic's too dangerous to let free!”

Tuxedo Mask, the Sailor Senshi, and Robin walked into the door-and confronted room full of distorted and warped reflections of themselves.

“A funhouse maze of mirrors for a trap.” Sailor Mars snorted. “Just his style.”

“Well put, Little Miss Pyromaniac!” the Joker's voice called out above them. Suddenly among the reflections were those of the Crime Clown.

“I've got a little microphone on my collar hooked up to the ceiling speakers!” The Joker pulled out his own gun. Blam! Suddenly they heard a mirror shatter. “Non of you can tell which one is the real me-or where the bullet's coming from!” Blam! Blam! Two more mirrors shattered-one right next to Sailor Mars.

“Two can play at this game, Joker!” Sailor Mercury cried out. “MERCURY BUBBLE BLAST!”

Bubbles quickly filled the room, then burst, dissolving into mist. “Eh?” the Joker looked around, and then cackled. “You five are almost as much fun as Batman!”

“You really are fixated on Batman, aren't you Joker?” Sailor Mercury's voice called out.

The Joker fired at the sound of the voice-only to hear a mirror shatter. “What are you getting at?”

“He's the only reason you keep at this-because you want to get a laugh out of him.”

The Joker fired again-and then the hammer clicked on an empty chamber.

“You're wasting your time!” Robin's voice chimed in. “I know him better than anyone. He's got no sense of humor. He wouldn't know a good joke if it ran up and bit him in the cape.” Now the Joker pulled out another gun-and another mirror shattered.

“Not that YOU have any good jokes,” said Sailor Mars.

“Clowning isn't about hurting people, Joker!” Sailor Moon shouted. “It's about making people feel better, to forget their troubles, and bring smiles to their faces-something you can only do with that Joker Venom of yours!”

“How sad,” Tuxedo Mask droled. “You fell into a tank of acid that bleached you skin, so you decided to become a supervillian.”

“You could never get work as a real clown-any circus that hired you would go bankrupt!” Sailor Moon giggled.

“You make ME laugh-ha ha ha-because you're so pathetic!” Sailor Mars chortled. “HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

The others joined in, filling the room up the room with raucous laughter. “Stop laughing at me!” The Joker fired his gun again and again, breaking more mirrors, until it clicked on an empty chamber.

“There!” Robin's voice called through the mist. “I see him. Get him Sailor Moon!”

“Moon Tiara Capture!” Suddenly the Joker felt something grab around his arms and pin them to his body. The mist blew away and the Crime prince of Crime saw Sailor Moon Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, and Robin surrounding him.

“I believe these things belong to me.” Tuxedo Mask picked up his cane, took his hat, and unclasped his cape from the Joker's coat.

Sailor Mars picked up the briefcase and opened it. “Boy, Bruce Wayne sure risked a lot of money to get his ward back.”

“Oh that.” Robin shrugged. “Shortly after we learned what happened at the convention, Batman got into contact with Bruce Wayne. Turns out Mr. Wayne keeps `special money' for situations like this.” He took a bundle of bills. “It's all counterfeit with a special kind of ink that has to be kept in a cold room-three hours at room temperature and the ink disappears, turning it into plain ordinary paper.” He looked at the snarling Joker. “Batman may not have a sense of humor, but Bruce Wayne sure does. Looks like the joke was on you all along, Joker.”

 

Chapter Epilogue

Tom Whitmore's funeral was held three days later. Bruce Wayne handled all the expenses and arranged so that all of Whitmore's friends, acquaintances, and associates could come to pay their final respects. Raye's grandfather had recovered from his wound, and although he didn't quite have the same spring in his step, was well enough to come with Raye.

After everything was said and Whitmore's casket was lowered into the ground, Serena went a little ways off from the rest of the mourners, accompanied only by Luna.

After making sure no one could hear them Luna spoke, “This Tom Whitmore-he meant a lot to you, didn't he?” Serena just nodded.

Bump! A nine-year-old Serena fell on her padded bottom and pressed the water bulb connect by tiny hoses to the corners of her eyes. “Waah!” she mock-cried.

Tom smiled. “You're a natural Serena.”

BOP! A juggling pin fell on Serena's head for the ninth time. Tom rubbed his chin. “So maybe juggling is not your thing.”

Serena's shoulders slumped. She had put on her make-up for the first time without help, and her face looked more like horror movie monster's than a clown's. Tom just chuckled. “Don't let it get you down. It took me awhile to get it right too.”

A tear rolled down Serena's face, then another, and another. “He actually made me feel like I was worth something-that I wasn't just some clumsy ditz who couldn't do anything right. And now because I left my brooch at home-.”

“There was nothing you could have done,” Luna said. “Whitmore died within seconds of touching that paper, and everyone else came out all right-even Raye's grandfather. Just try to learn from this and don't leave your transformation brooch lying around so carelessly from now on.”

“The cat's right.” Serena looked and saw her brother had come up behind them. “Serena, there was no way you could have known what the Joker would do, and even if you had been able to become Sailor Moon, you couldn't have saved Tom.”

Serena stared at Dick. “Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”

Dick looked back at Serena. “This is normally when you point out what I did wrong or how I screwed up.”

“Geez, Serena, this isn't like when you cause some small accident or embarrass yourself!” Dick sighed. “I mean, this wasn't your fault so don't act like it was. Tom wouldn't want you to keep blaming yourself like this.”

“Okay, now you're playing some joke on me,” Serena said. “You're acting all nice and understanding, then you plan to hurl the big insult.”

“No Serena, I'm serious! I'm not trying to insult you or make you feel bad. I liked Tom too, and-.” Dick suddenly stopped when he saw Serena wink at him.

“Gotcha.”

“Oh boy.” Dick chuckled. “I guess I had that coming.”

Serena nodded. “That's for sure.”

Dick hugged Serena, and then they walked back to the others. “You know Serena, you really are a very funny clown,” Dick said, “even if you can't handle the low wire, ride a unicycle, or even juggle.”

“DICK!”

End of Chapter Seven.

Okay, readers how'd you like that? I'm already thinking of another chapter like this in the future, pitting the Senshi against Batman's Rogues Gallery. What would you most like to see: Sailor Mercury in a battle of wits with the Riddler or Cluemaster? Sailor Mars confronting her deranged dad? Tuxedo Mask facing the ghostly Gentleman Jim Craddock? Or Catwoman taking a `vacation' in London where she tries a heist at the British Museum only to encounter Sailor V!

Another thing I'm thinking is where a psychic experiment by Raye causes Serena and Dick to switch personality! Which would Dick hate more, being in Serena's clumsy body or seeing his sister wreck his grades and acrobat physique?

I won't have her in this fic, but lately I've been thinking a lot about Rini at Wayne Manor. How would she relate to her future uncle? Or Bruce? Or Alfred?

Before you say anything, yes, I modeled Serena's wig after Rini's hairstyle. What better style would fit a clown wig?

Plus, I want to see some scenes like I described at the last chapter. Don't send them in reviews, I don't want over people to read them until I print them as Omakes.

In the Next Chapter: Central City Police forensic scientist Barry Allen come to Gotham on temporary assignment, little knowing the Dark Kingdom has it's eye on his alter ego, the Fastest Man Alive! Plus Amy sees Dick practicing acrobatics at a ropes course at Wayne Manor and recalls a poster she once saw of the Flying Graysons. She realizes the similarities between the Graysons' costumes and Robin's outfit, and starts asking some questions to Serena….

Omake:

Andrew Kyle closed the door at his apartment. It had been another grueling day at the Crown Arcade, and he had to study for an exam two days from now.

“Hello, Andy.” Startled, Andrew looked and saw his sister lying on his old sofa. Dressed in her working clothes.

“What are you doing here?” he asked. “How did you get in? I had both the door and the window locked.”

His sister purred. “Why Andy, you should know no locks can keep me out. Especially the poor excuses this ratty old building has.”

“What do you want?”

Andrew's sister sat up. “Why I only wanted to see my little brother. You never visit, you never call, you never e-mail.”

“I'm sorry,” Andrew said, surprised by the sincerity he actually felt. “I have a job, plus school.”

“You could come live with me. My pad's a lot better than this little dump, plus I could pay for your tuition.”

“I'd rather make it on my own. Plus I know where your money comes from and I want nothing to do with it.”

His sister pouted. “Always the righteous one, aren't you Andy?”

Andrew turned to hang up his coat. “You're my sister. And you also stopped those thugs who tried to rob the arcade. That's why I never reported you to the police. But if you-,” He turned back around, only to see the curtains flowing from the open window.