Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ MST3K-Sailor Moon ❯ Episode 2- "Talk Radio" ( Chapter 2 )

Sailor Moon - Episode 2: "Talk Radio"

< MIKE, SERVO, AND CROW enter the theatre and sit down.>

(Scene starts at Queen Beryl's castle in the Negaverse .)

Queen Beryl "Jedite, present yourself to me."

CROW: <imitating Beryl> No! Don't drop your pants! What are you doing?!

Queen Beryl " Tell me of your progress gathering energy from the earthlings."

(Jedite comes forward .)

Jedite "My queen, I am pleased to inform you that we've found a new source of energy in humans."

SERVO: Richard Simmons.

Jedite "Apparently, they expend much of it on an emotion they call 'love.'"

Queen Beryl "Yes, I've heard of it. You have a plan to capture this energy, Jedite?"

MIKE: Deep mouth kissing, your highness.

Jedite "Yes, my queen. I've already dispatched my servant Frow to take full advantage of the human's weakness. She awaits my command."

CROW: FROW?!!?! < shakes head>

Queen Beryl "Very well, then. Just try not to disappoint me as you did with your last effort. That is all. You may proceed."

SERVO: <Sarcastically> I could watch this ALL DAY Mike.

MIKE: Oh don't worry. You will.

(Serena's house, night time. A new radio has hit the midnight slot and is causing girls all over to tune in to the radio, including Serena and her friend, Molly.)

DJ "Good evening all you night owls. It's the midnight hour, and you know what that means. Time for The Love Line."

MIKE : Featuring Adam Carolla.

DJ "Tonight we have a very special love letter from a very special lady, reaching out to a long-lost flame, whom she'd like to get in touch with again. It's signed 'Hopeful Haruna.'"

SERVO: "Hopeful Haruna" Directed by Akira Kurosawa…….'s pet goldfish.

(Miss Haruna.)

Miss Haruna "YEAH!"

ALL THREE: < laugh and shout like Miss Haruna> YEAH! TOUCHDOWN!!

Serena "Haruna? Ha ha. Don't tell me Miss H sent The Love Line a letter. It can't be her. Teachers NEVER have boyfriends."

MIKE: Oh yeah, that's a common fact about teachers in their natural habitat

DJ "Before I read the letter, I'd just like to remind all of you listeners that The Love Line always wants to help the lovelorn; write us. If we read your letter on the air, we'll give you a romantic prize."

CROW: A date with Rick Moranis.

(Luna, steps into the room. She notices Serena is depressed.)

Luna "Doh."

CROW: Luna as Homer Simpson

Serena "Oh. I'd sure love to have a show reading all those dreamy letters."

SERVO: I'd love to be FAR FAR away from watching this show, but we can't get what we want.

(The DJ starts reading. Luna jumps up in front of the radio.)

DJ "Dear Lost Love,

It's been many years since we last saw each other, but you are never far from my heart."

MIKE: ….Unfortunately, you are close to my colon, than my heart.

(Luna tries to make Serena regain her senses . . .)

Luna "You should be in bed."

Serena "I want to be a Love Line DJ."

Luna "Give me a break!"

CROW: Coffee, or Lunch?

Serena "Or, maybe I can do TV."

Luna "FORGET IT!"

Serena "What's with you, Luna?"

SERVO: <cat voice> hairball

(Now she jumps off the table and in front of Serena's feet.)

Luna "I'm fed up with a certain someone who never takes anything she's supposed to do seriously."

CROW: Jennifer Aniston, listening?!

SERVO: whoo! Hee hee

(Serena turns her head away .)

Luna "You've got to stop wasting your time with all these silly ideas, Serena."

MIKE: <imitating Serena> What would I ever do then?

Luna " You're destined to fight the evils of the Negaverse. When will you ever get it?"

SERVO: Don't hold your breath on that one.

Serena "Hmph. Maybe I don't want to! Good night!"

CROW: <whiny> The continental breakfast is at eight!!!

(

Serena "Party pooper."

(Luna sighs in frustration.)

(Next morning, in the kitchen . . .)

Serena's Father "Honey, why did you circle the date in red magic marker?"

(Serena's mother answers sarcastically.)

Serena's Mother "Oh, did I? Maybe there's something special about this date."

SERVO: <imitating the Father> Nixon's birthday?

Serena's Father "Hm hm hm. Oh, you mean besides being our anniversary and my taking you to dinner?"

Serena's Mother "Oh ho ho. Oh, you DID remember it."

MIKE: Santa Mom

(She offers a slice of toast to Serena`s Father.)

Serena's Mother "Say aaah."

SERVO: < doing the Father again> Honestly hon, I'm 45, I can feed myself!

(He does so. She puts in the slice, which he bites down on. Just then . . .)

Serena "AAH!"

(Serena has just noticed the time.)

Serena's Father "That girl is always late."

CROW: She has what, 20 kids now?

(Serena tears into the kitchen . . .)

Serena "Hello! Goodbye!"

( . . .grabs a slice of toast and takes off, all within two seconds. As she runs off, she shouts . . .)

MIKE: Whoah, "The Serena Express"

SERVO: <Chuckles> I guess.

Serena "See you later!"

(She's still worried about the time as she gets to school.)

Serena "Please don't ring yet. Please."

(Fortunately, she makes it just in time. She takes her seat next to Molly. There's one odd thing, though: Miss Haruna isn't in the room.)

Serena "Where is she? Miss H never misses class."

SERVO: She came down with an unexpected case of… MURDER!

Molly "If she's out, we'll get a substitute!"

Serena "Free day!"

MIKE: Oh no wait, just a 50% off day!

Melvin "Maybe she'll let me read my report on yellow earthworms to the class."

(Then, they notice Miss Haruna walk into the room. . . exhausted. She drags herself to her desk, trips over the step and almost falls down. She catches herself and turns to the class.)

Student "Is she all right?"

Second Student "Is she okay?"

Miss Haruna (Exhausted voice.)

"Hi."

SERVO: Guess the teacher was doing wind sprints.

(Everyone is shocked by her condition. In her drowsiness, she gives out a few odd instructions.)

Miss Haruna "Anyone not present, raise your hand now."

(She drops her book.)

Miss Haruna "Who cares?"

MIKE: <laughs> great teacher.

(Serena then notices that Miss Haruna is wearing a flower on her suit. )

(Miss Haruna sits down .)

Miss Haruna "Read chapters one to thirty-five in any book you want, then wake me up whenever the last bell goes off."

CROW: <drunk voice> and sewena…get me sometin ta drink.

Miss Haruna "Now good night, everybody."

SERVO: < imitating Tom Bodett> We'll leave a light on for you

( she falls asleep. )

Third Student "Should we get a doctor?"

MIKE: <teenager voice> Naw man, let's just let her die. We'll get the day off.

Fourth Student "Do you think she's sick?"

Melvin "Hmm? Huh? Maybe one of us should go and get the principal. Don't you think?"

Serena "Are you kidding, Melvin? It's way more fun to stay right here and watch Miss H snore away."

CROW: Middle-aged women snoring, now THAT'S entertainment.

(Not far from the school, Luna is exploring the city. As she walks, she grumbles to herself . . .)

Luna "Oh. This is so frustrating. I search all this time for a Champion of Justice, and I get HER."

SERVO: Captain Dork.

Luna "If this is some kind of cosmic joke, I frankly fail to see the humor."

CROW: You hear that God?! …Or Buddha, or whoever's listening.

(The security door in front of the Crown Arcade opens, and a voice says . . .)

Andrew "Hello. Aren't you pretty? You're Luna, right?"

MIKE: <laughs> Who are you?

(Luna is shocked. She thought she was caught. She tries to cover up, acting like a normal cat and meowing.)

Luna "This is the one Serena likes so much."

Andrew "What are you doing here all by yourself, huh? Don't tell me you're a video addict just like Serena?"

SERVO: < talking like a moron> Why do you not talk to me kitty?

(As he pets Luna, she gets an idea. The arcade could actually be a suitable site from which to contact her superiors.)

Luna "Actually, this could be a great communications base."

MIKE: The video game arcade?!

Andrew "I've got to go. There's lots to do before the crowd gets here."

(He gets up and walks inside.)

Andrew "See you later, Luna."

CROW: <imitating Luna> what a loser.. !…I mean, meow.

Luna "Hmm. This place will do fine."

SERVO: For what, I'm not sure.

(Once he's gone, she talks again.)

Luna "Close to Serena's school, in case there's an emergency."

MIKE: Stand by for irony insertion….

(Just then, an ambulance zooms down the street to the school, sirens blaring.)

MIKE: Irony insertion away!

Luna "That's heading for the school!"

(Minutes later, paramedics carry the sleeping Miss Haruna off to the ambulance in a stretcher. The entire class watches from their second-floor window.)

Melvin "Maybe Miss Haruna has sleeping sickness."

SERVO: And maybe you're crazier than an outhouse rat.

Serena "Is this weird or what? I've never seen a teacher fall asleep at her desk before. Have you, Molly?"

CROW: My brother knew a guy who once…<trails off>

Molly "No, but maybe she stayed up too late listening to that new show, The Love Line? I'm feeling kind of beat myself. It went on way past midnight."

MIKE: Well, if it's a show that STARTS at Midnight, no friggin duh!

Serena "I still think that calling the medics was a bit much. I mean, she only fell asleep. What's the deal?"

(Molly and Melvin are shocked.)

Molly & Melvin "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GOURD?!"

CROW: heh heh..

SERVO: Gourd?

MIKE: Apparently the Japanese identify people as bi-peds with squash on their heads.

Serena "What'd I say? Well, now class is cancelled, so it means I got up for nothing. I mean, come on. I could've slept in."

CROW: Didn't you in the first place?

Molly & Melvin "Oh . . ."

(As the ambulance drives off . . .)

Serena "Oh well."

(At the FM 10 radio station)

Employee "You wanted to talk to me, sir?"

MIKE: <Boss imitation> Yeah, go get me some lunch, lumpy.

Boss "Yes, I did. Tell me why we're getting all this fan mail for a program we don't have?"

Employee "There must be some mistake."

Boss "Obviously. Now find out what's going on!"

Employee "I'll get on it right away."

SERVO: Or….next Thursday

(woman steps in.)

Woman "Is that the mail for the new Love Line broadcast, sir?"

Boss "You know about this fiasco?"

Woman "Yes, I've been sent specially."

CROW: ..From the "William Morris" Agency.

Boss "Did headquarters send you?"

(We see an evil glow in the woman's eyes.)

Frow "You could say that."

SERVO: And you could also say "gelatin", or "sassafras"

( MEANWHILE: Serena and Molly are walking home.)

Molly "I've got a special project I'm working on."

MIKE: <Imitating Molly> I'm learning how to breath through my nose"

Molly " I have to write the perfect letter, so it'll get read on the air by the Love Line DJ!"

Serena "But you don't even have a boyfriend!"

Molly "I know. I'm just gonna invent one, so I get my letter on the show."

CROW: That's amazingly…pathetic.

Serena "Oh, smart, Molly. You can make the perfect guy. Handsome, smooth, totally cool . . ."

SERVO: ….Smooth?

(Serena doesn't look where she's going, and she bumps into someone. She immediately gets up and apologizes repeatedly.)

Serena "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Molly "Darien, how are you?"

(Serena looks up. It's Darien.)

Darien "Ha ha ha ha. What was that you were saying about someone totally cool?"

SERVO: Vanilla Ice?

(Serena is seething.)

Darien "Well, we can be sure it isn't you. Shouldn't you be going home and doing your homework, Meatball Head?"

Serena "Don't call me that!"

Molly "I just figured out who's gonna be the inspiration for my first love letter."

MIKE: Charlie Sheen

Serena "Yeah?! Well, how's this for inspiration?! YOU'RE A CREEP, DARIEN! YOU DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT BEING COOL!"

CROW: Uh, who was she supposed to be talking to?

(Later, at her house.)

Serena "All right. Let's warm it up. This is gonna be the best thing . . ."

SERVO: That a girl with less brain cells than a gerbil could make.

(Luna is surprised.)

Luna "Serena, are you really going to start your homework without anyone telling you to do it?"

CROW: Gah! Hell must be a giant Popsicle by now.

Serena "Quiet, Luna! You'll make me lose my concentration!"

MIKE: A speck of dust could take away her concentration.

Luna "Gee, sorry."

Serena "This has gotta be great. It's gotta blow them away. Hmm. . . Let's see now."

(She concentrates as Luna looks on, puzzled at what she's doing. As Serena continues to think (and balance her pencil between her nose and upper lip)

Luna "Serena, you'll never get anything done at this rate."

CROW: How many understatements are we gonna hear in this scene ALONE?

Serena "You're absolutely right, Luna. Why didn't I think of this sooner? I can go there directly and present myself in person! This'll be great!"

SERVO: YEAH!…wait….what ?

Luna "WHAT?!"

Serena "Come on! We're outta here!"

MIKE: When good girls do….stupid things..

(Luna follows Serena out, but still confused .)

Serena "I'm gonna be on The Love Line tonight."

(That evening, at the gates to the FM 10 studios.)

Serena "Are you sure? But this is the station Love Line was on."

Guard "Oh. For the thousandth time, there's no program called Love Line at this station."

Serena "All right."

Guard "Now go home."

CROW: Or I'll get really drunk, beat you, and then beat off to the swimsuit calendar in my office.

(The guard sends Serena away.)

Serena "I'm going."

MIKE: ….to anime obscurity, I hope..

(As she walks home, she stops and turns to the FM 10 building.)

Serena "That's so weird. I know I heard right."

SERVO: Blonde-ness…In ALL it's glory.

(Later, at her house.)

DJ "It's the midnight hour, the time for romance."

Serena "Ah, I knew this was the station. That doofus guard doesn't know anything."

CROW: And that….surprises you?

(Luna takes a look at the newspaper an.)

Luna "This program is pretty new, right Serena? It just started a few weeks ago, so how come it's not mentioned in the entertainment section?"

MIKE: They only mention GOOD programs in newspaper entertainment sections.

Serena "They don't need publicity. It's the super-hottest program on the air!"

(The DJ continues.)

DJ "Tonight, our special love letter is to a lucky mystery man from a secret admirer named Molly."

Serena "No way!"

(Meanwhile, at the studio)

Frow "With so much fan mail, this show is going to be on for a very long time."

MIKE: Maybe she's confusing fan mail with hate mail.

Frow "Queen Beryl should be most pleased."

CROW:…. Hey! An offer for 20 CDs for a penny!

(Then, we get a look inside the studio. The DJ of The Love Line is actually Jedite.)

Jedite "Remember, listeners. We'll read one special letter every night, and the lucky winner gets a beautiful prize delivered the next morning."

SERVO: Jedite has the classic "Paul Simon" hairdo.

MIKE: <chuckles> Oh yeah.

(The next morning.)

Student "Open it, Molly. We want to see."

Pauline "Was that your letter on the radio?"

Molly "Uh huh. I thought I was gonna faint!"

Serena "What'd they send you? Hurry and open it!"

Molly "Okay."

MIKE:hehehe…These kids would go nuts for a ventriloquy act.

(Molly tears off the wrapping and discovers the flower)

Serena "Hey, that's the exact same flower Miss H was wearing yesterday!"

CROW: <Gasps> that means!….Well….nothing really…

Lonna "So that means she was `Hopeful Haruna'!"

SERVO: Thanks for the obvious info, random extra.

Pauline "Yeah! It's gotta be her!"

Serena "Who would've thought?"

MIKE: Anyone !

(Molly puts on the flower.)

Student "Wow."

Other Student "That looks great."

CROW: I mean, it would if it weren't on YOU.

(The flower begins draining her energy.)

Molly "Oh. I'm so tired. I wanna sleep."

SERVO: Apparently Anime is unfamiliar with the term "Subtle"

(Serena notices Molly starting to nod off.)

Serena "Molly, are you all right?"

(Molly then falls completely asleep. The girls grow concerned. )

Student "Yoo hoo. Molly?"

MIKE: Get me a "Yoo-Hoo".

(Serena tries to shake Molly awake.)

Serena "What's the matter, M-molly, are you all right?"

(When Serena touches Molly, the flower drains Serena's energy as well, sending her to the floor.)

Pauline "We'd better call the nurse! It's not normal to just fall asleep like that."

Student "Serena, yes. Molly, no!"

CROW: Please accept this artificially processed humor substitute.

(As Serena loses consciousness, she begins to dream. She's floating through the sky when she notices someone.)

Serena "Who's there?"

SERVO: It's Kevin Spacey! RUN!

(The man is wearing a black tuxedo, top hat, and cape. He turns around, revealing a white mask over his eyes.)

Serena "Tuxedo Mask. What are you doing in my dream? "

ALL THREE: We don't want to know!

Serena "Is there some kind of danger? You're so mysterious. Maybe you want to take me out for a hot fudge sundae?"

MIKE: <laughs>

Tuxedo Mask "You've read my mind, Sailor Moon."

(She dances in excitement.)

Serena "Does this mean you'll tell me who you really are?"

CROW: <imitating Tuxedo Mask> I'm Quentin Crisp

Tuxedo Mask "Of course. I'll tell you anything you want to know. You'll have no secrets."

(As Tuxedo Mask removes the mask.)

---------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------

Luna "WAKE UP, WOULD YOU?!"

SERVO: She's a living "Calico Cat" alarm clock.

Luna "Well, you got your strength back, I see."

Serena "What happened?"

(She and Luna look at Molly in the next bed. .)

Luna "It's the Negaverse. I know it! I think it's got something to do with this flower. We need to go to that radio station again."

MIKE: …and rock the town like a hurricane!

Serena "Right."

(Meanwhile, in the Negaverse, Jedite and Frow collect Molly's energy as well as the accidental pickup of Serena's energy as well.)

Jedite "We've drained all the energy this pathetic human had to give."

CROW: <imitating Jedite> Now, on to draining Barbara Walters!

Jedite "With such a huge response, we'll have an endless supply. More energy for the Negaforce. Queen Beryl will be most pleased, and with each flower we deliver, we come closer to releasing the Negaforce. . . and ridding the Universe of these silly humans with their absurd emotions."

MIKE: Don't bother, the democrats already tried that!

(That evening, outside the FM 10 station, Serena and Luna take a look around. Unfortunately, the same guard is there.)

Serena "Oh, it's that same guard on duty again. How am I gonna get by him without him recognizing me?"

SERVO: with all the alcohol in his system, I doubt it will be a problem.

Luna "I've got it!"

(She backflips into the air and brings forth one of her special devices.)

Serena "Wow! What's that?"

Luna "This is the Luna Pen."

MIKE: Collector's Edition of only 5,000

Serena "Is this another one of your super-gadgets?"

Luna "Yes, I guess you could say it's something like that. It's a very powerful transforming tool. It turns you into whatever you want."

CROW: Oh no, she's gonna turn herself into Captain Ron!

MIKE and SERVO: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Serena "Whatever I want? Cool! How's it work?"

Luna "You say 'DISGUISE POWER' and then tell it what transformation you want."

Serena "Oh, I'm gonna like this pen."

Serena "DISGUISE POWER! Transform me into a sophisticated talent agent!"

(With that, Serena is disguised as a talent agent, complete with a snappy suit, shades, and pumps. )

SERVO: Gah! She turned into Sharon Stone

Serena "Unbelievable! It works!"

(Luna notices the footwear .)

Luna "Serena, are you going to be able to walk in those shoes?"

Serena "Remember, I said sophisticated."

MIKE: Then why is she still blond?

(She puts on the shades and walks to the gate.)

Luna "You know? She just might pull this one off."

(Just then, Serena loses her balance and falls backward.)

CROW: Ha ha…People's distress is fun.

Luna "Spoke too soon."

(In the studio, Jedite is reading another letter on The Love Line.)

Jedite "This is from Pam, to her wonderful husband, that she loves with all her heart."

SERVO: <talking like Archie Bunker's wife> Oh, hi Pam

(Serena and Luna look into the studio's control room. The entire crew is asleep.)

Serena "Wow, this is my kind of job. Can't beat that. They're all sleeping."

Luna "Sleeping? What are you talking about, Serena?"

Serena "See for yourself."

(Luna takes a look )

Luna "It's the Negaverse! I can feel it's evil energy!"

MIKE: <sighs> This cat goes on and on like a Jehovah's Witness.

Serena "Let's go!"

(Serena bursts into the control room . . .)

Serena "Out of the way!"

CROW: Howard Stern is goin' down!

Frow "No, he's on the air!"

Jedite "All right.

MIKE: <DJ Voice> Rawhide!

Jedite "That about wraps up our show for . . ."

Serena "Attention all Love Line fans. Stop listening to the show. It's dangerous to your health."

SERVO: It'll give you cooties!

Serena "Turn your radios off right now if you know what's good for you."

MIKE: <Mob Voice> Unless you wanna be at the bottom of the river with a brand new pair of cement shoes

Serena "And burn those flower pins. They're REALLY dangerous!"

Jedite "No!"

Serena "They sap the energy right out of you. Get rid of them!"

Jedite "Be quiet. Now!"

Serena "Don't listen to this imposter, ladies! He doesn't even know what love's about. He doesn't care one bit about your hopes and dreams! He's just using you!"

SERVO: That's an accurate description of ANY man toward his girlfriend.

(Luna cries out .)

Luna "AAAH! Be careful! That woman's his partner! She's coming after you!"

Jedite "You're off the air."

CROW: Our time slot's over!

(The studio window shatters, sending broken glass Serena's way.)

Serena "AAAH!"

Luna "Watch out! Behind you!"

(Frow jumps through the former window and reveals her true form.)

Luna "Brace yourself!"

MIKE: For what?

(Serena and Luna get out just as fire breath rocks the studio.)

Luna "Sailor Moon would be good right now!"

ALL THREE: We beg to disagree.

Serena "MOON PRISM POWER! AND MAKE IT FAST!"

(Serena summons the power of her Moon Prism Locket and transforms into Sailor Moon.)

Sailor Moon "I am Sailor Moon, the Champion of Justice! "

CROW: …And cosmetics!

Sailor Moon "On behalf of the Moon, I will punish you!"

Luna "That's not how the end of it goes."

MIKE: <chuckles> They're going over their bad takes DURING the show?!

Sailor Moon "Yeah, well. I'm not finished yet."

(She turns to Jedite and Frow .)

Sailor Moon "I will right wrongs and triumph over evil"

SERVO: < imitating Sailor Moon> And fattening foods!

Sailor Moon "and that means YOU."

(Jedite is not impressed.)

Jedite "Lots of pretty words, Miss Moon, but is that all they are? Pretty words?"

Sailor Moon "You wanna see action? I'll give it to you."

CROW: In the new Steven Seagal movie!

Jedite "Just what we've been waiting for. AFTER HER!"

(Frow charges at Sailor Moon.)

Frow "SAILOR MOON, YOU'RE MINE!"

MIKE: I have Proof of Purchase and registration!

(She sends forth a blast of fire breath. When it hits the roof, Sailor Moon and Luna go topside for a more open battlefield.)

Frow "DRAT!"

(She jumps after them.)

Sailor Moon "What do we do now?"

SERVO: Why not cry and whine? That seems to be your normal battle strategy.

(As Frow starts blasting, Sailor Moon starts running. Frow gets in front of her and almost gets a clawed hand on her.)

Luna "Sailor Moon! Try your tiara!"

CROW: Or try my home made Lemon Pie!

Sailor Moon "MOON TIARA MAGIC!"

( . . .and sends the Moon Tiara at Frow. It goes wide right.)

MIKE: <announcer voice> Ooh , and it swings to the side and now Frow is on the offensive!

Frow "Not a good aim, are you?"

(Serena calls it back.)

Sailor Moon "TIARA MAGIC!"

( . . .and the Tiara catches Frow on the return, moondusting her. Sailor Moon confronts Jedite.)

SERVO: All right pal, you just opened a WHOLE can of blond whoop-ass!

Sailor Moon "Do you surrender?"

Jedite "Why would I want to do a stupid thing like that?"

Sailor Moon "MOON TIARA MAGIC!"

(Jedite uses his Negaverse powers and stops the Tiara cold before it even gets halfway)

Sailor Moon "AAAH! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! It's supposed to work every time."

CROW: Hmmm, must be defective.

(The Tiara drops harmlessly to the ground. Now Sailor Moon tries charging him. Jedite creates a force shield between him and her, .)

MIKE: <imitating Jedite> Cool, huh?

Luna "Sailor Moon!"

SERVO: …..is a STUPID show!

Sailor Moon "Where'd he go?"

(She then sees him slowly approaching.)

Sailor Moon "Luna, what do I do?! I don't know how to beat him!"

(She just sits on the rooftop, . But before Jedite can reach her, a rose falls from above and plants itself between them. Jedite steps back.)

CROW: <opera voice, singing> …Listen to the music of the night.

Tuxedo Mask "Don't give in to them, Sailor Moon!"

Jedite "It's time to go."

MIKE: Even though I was going to win, I'm going to retreat.

(He takes to the air and disappears through a Negaverse warp portal. Sailor Moon looks at the rose.)

Sailor Moon "This rose must have special powers."

SERVO: Just keep tellin' yourself that, ya dope.

(She then looks up.)

Sailor Moon "Tuxedo Mask! Thank you!"

Sailor Moon "Oh . . . he's so handsome. . . and mysterious."

CROW: And cliché.

(Next morning, at school, Serena is writing a love letter.)

Serena "My Beloved Tuxedo Mask,

You are my hero. I think you're the . . . greatest . . ."

SERVO: This girl just needs to go home, wait for him to call.

(Molly snatches the writing pad.)

Molly "What are you blushing for, Serena? Are you writing a mushy love note to somebody?"

Serena "No. Why would I do something silly like that? Here . . ."

MIKE: <imitating Serena> I'd have to know HOW to write.

Molly "Oooh! 'My Beloved Tuxedo Mask . . .'"

(Serena starts chasing Molly as Miss Haruna comes in.)

Miss Haruna "Hello, everybody. I'm so glad to see all of your smiling faces again. Now, let's all settle down so we can get started, shall we?"

(As Molly and Serena pass in front of Miss Haruna, Serena tries another excuse.)

Serena "Really, it's my homework."

(Miss Haruna hears that. Serena rarely does her homework.)

Miss Haruna "YOU did homework? This is an event!"

CROW: …. Of tragedy.

( Miss Haruna starts chasing Serena.)

SERVO: Apparently the Japanese have given up dignity..

Miss Haruna "I can't believe this. Give it to me. I'll read it out loud to the class."

MIKE: Alright, public humiliation!

Serena "GIVE IT BACK, MOLLY!"