Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ SgAltima Presents: Dear Diary ❯ The Diary Begins: January 1st, 2000 ( Chapter 1 )

SgAltima Presents:

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

My name is Tsukino Usagi. Ikuko gave me this beautiful velvet journal as a present to start off the 21st century. I've never been much into keeping a diary, but Ikuko said I would appreciate recording memories to cherish when I was older. Maybe she's right.

I'm 21 years old. My life is pretty normal now, but 5 years ago, I was Eternal Sailor Moon, the guardian of our galaxy. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days when my life was exciting, and sometimes I'm glad I lived to see the end of my duty. Even though it's not even the end... I know that sometime in the future, I'll become Queen of our planet with Mamoru-chan. I feel like my life is tied by the ribbons of destiny. Maybe it is.

I've decided that I'll do this once a week, maybe more. I don't know. It's something that will help me pass the time. It seems like time is all I have anymore. When the Starlights left the Earth 5 years ago, they left all of us all of the money they made as the Three Lights. No need to work ever again, and the days come and go. Sometimes I wish Seiya would come back and keep me company... but I know that won't happen.

Ikuko says that I should divulge all my secrets in here... At least I know that no one is around in my apartment to possibly see them, except Rei-chan. She's the one I'm afraid of most to see this.

I'm in love with her...

When Mamoru left for America to pursue his dreams, he tried to take me with him, but I couldn't bear to leave my friends and family. I can still remember the hurt on his face when I said no to him... How could I tell him that knowing what the future held for us made me dispassionate towards spending my life with him?

I spend every day riddled with guilt. Guilt towards Mamoru-san, who stayed faithful to me when I was immature and not ready to be the woman he deserved, guilt for my unborn daughter, who may never have a chance to be the vibrant little girl I can hardly remember anymore, and guilty for our world... What will happen in the future? Will I really be able to change my fate?

Rei is the only one who understands. We spend days upon days together, talking about various things. The Three Lights were especially gracious to her... the money they provided allowed her to hire on help to maintain her temple after her grandfather passed away.

We spend so much time together, and how I long for her to be the one who mends the chasm inside my broken heart. But she is engaged to Yuuichiro... the way her grandfather intended. She seems happy enough with him, who am I to come between them?

Last night, as ten minutes were left before the new millennium, I took my henshin brooch from its case. It brought tears to my eyes as I saw how dusty it was, despite my efforts to make sure it was protected. As soon as I touched it, I could feel the power from my ginzuishou radiating from it. As they counted down to the new year, I became Eternal Sailor Moon again for the first time in years.

It was strange. For 2 years now, I stopped styling my hair with odangos, but the moment I became Sailor Moon again, my hair went back to the odangos I remember. I think I'll start wearing my brooch again in public. It really is beautiful.

Mako-chan is having a party to celebrate tomorrow. I've wondered if I actually want to go. Mako-chan and Ami-chan moved in together a while back, and though Ami doesn't talk about it, I know they've become a couple. I am jealous of them... How am I supposed to look at them and not think about how much I wish Rei would hold me?

I refuse to believe that Mamoru was the only one I'll ever be able to be with. As much as I cared for him, and cared for Chibi-usa, I do not want to be the Queen of anything. I do not want to stand out anymore. I don't want to be responsible for the safety of our planet anymore.

I can't believe I've written this much. As I look over at my clock, I've been writing in this for over an hour now. I feel like I have so much more to say. But I should sleep... Does it even matter? My life has no purpose now. I don't have to work, I don't have to go to school.

This is the life I desired, one without obligations, yet it is so unsatisfying. I have nothing that I want. People all around the world know who Sailor Moon is, they've made both anime, and manga about my life, yet nobody really knows who I am except for my friends.

It's been about an hour and a half now since my last sentence. Minako-chan came to my door, and she brought me food from the neighborhood restaurant. I'm so thankful for her sometimes, I forgot to eat anything today. I wonder how she has any time to do anything for me, much less all the things that she does. She used the money she received from the Three Lights to become an idol herself. She's almost doubled the wealth she received from them in her music career.

I envy her sometimes. She seems so satisfied with her life. She's so busy, and she wouldn't have it any other way. I wonder what the world would think if they found out that the famous star, Aino Minako, was Sailor V once upon a time.

Aside from Rei, I spend a lot of time with her. She sees me around Rei, and I think she knows how I feel. The senshi of love... I suppose if anyone were to figure it out, it'd be her. If she does know, she doesn't say anything, and I am thankful.

Ikuko says that I should finish each entry by writing out what my heart most desires. She says that when I read this in the future, I'll be ready to make that desire into reality.

Diary, the things that my heart desires is my love.

The woman whose fiery passion and strength I long to feel burn for me.

Sailor Mars.

My best friend, Hino Rei-chan.

Tsukino Usagi