Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ SgAltima Presents: Dear Diary ❯ A Heart Of Secrets: January 7th, 2000 ( Chapter 2 )

SgAltima Presents:

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

A lot has happened in this week. I found it funny how much I've looked forward to this time to write down all of my feelings. For the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of peace as I finished my last entry.

I decided to go to the New Year's party that Mako-chan held. Everyone was there, all of my Sailor Senshi. I immediately noticed that Hotaru has grown up to become a lovely young woman. I remember so vividly when we fought to save her from the Death Busters… it pains me to see her look at me the way she does, like I've betrayed her. She hasn't stopped looking at me in that way for years… ever since Mamoru-san left. She's not stupid. She knows I've probably doomed her best friend to never be born. But there's still hope, I think. I mean… I still remember her. Wouldn't I forget her completely if there was no chance left?

Chibi-Usa… my little Usagi. I hope I never live to forget her. Her pink, bushy odangos, fiery temper… So much like me at that age.

Chibi-Usa, I love you with all my heart. You'll always be a part of me, no matter what the future holds.

Haruka-san and Michiru-san were there. They are still as close as they ever were, even after all these years. I make it seem like such a long period of time, but it certainly seems that way. I envy them. Our souls are destined to live eternally, and theirs will be intertwined for the remainder of time. Their love is stronger than anything I have ever known… Flirtatious as ever, Haruka asked me to dance to a slow song with her, eventually. She was stunned when I accepted, and I wonder if she could feel that while I danced with her, I was fantasizing about being next to Rei, to feel her arms around my waist, holding me to her. To feel her breasts press against my chest.

I can see it even now as I write. I can wrap my arms around her neck and just let her take me, make my body hers. Feeling her hands caress all of my intimate places in just the right way.

Oh well. The wishes of this world are as numerous as the stars out tonight, and my dream of Rei is probably insignificant compared to the beautiful dreams of every one around me. I just wish it wouldn't consume me so.

Minako-chan was actually able to make it to the party, and I was thankful for her company. Sometimes she is as bubbly as she ever was, but she has come to develop a serious side, and I'm glad she was there for me that night.

I was standing alone on Makoto's balcony when she silently came up behind me with a plate of food. After giving her a quick hug, I told her I hadn't realized how hungry I was, and that I'd be back. But she had gotten the food for me… She is really too attentive of me, and I told her so, but she merely replied that someone had to make sure that was taken care of.

We turned away from the rooftops of the city to the scene inside. Rei was inside, talking and laughing with Makoto. We stood there silently for a few minutes before Minako commented that Rei-chan was especially beautiful that night. I knew then that Minako knew my secret.

I begged her not to tell, and she just smiled in that way that she does. I can trust that she won't tell anybody what she knows, but sadly, I can also trust that she'll try to set us up or something. Part of my heart leaps at the thought, but the other doesn't want my friendship with my Rei damaged. My Rei… what a lovely thought.

Everyone left after a while except for Rei and I, and we sat in the living room with Mako-chan and Ami-chan and just talked. That was nice… especially since those two were sitting together, it gave me a chance to sit next to Rei. But eventually, even Rei made ready to leave. I hugged her before she walked out of the door, and then ran to the balcony to watch her drive into the distance.

I asked Ami if it would be okay if I spent the night. She looked at Mako-chan, who just walked into her bedroom without even a word! Ami took me into her bedroom, and showed me where everything was, and said that she'd sleep on Makoto's couch. I thanked her and laid between her sheets for a while.

They were arguing about something that night. But eventually, the raised voices faded away and I had only the sounds of the night to accompany me in my solace. And then I heard Ami's voice, and I knew what was happening.

I was so angry, but not for the fact that they were doing it. I seethed because it forced visions of Yuuichiro with my Rei into my mind, and I couldn't let them go. I walked out to their balcony for some air. I was able to clear my head, and when I walked back inside, the sounds of their lovemaking had disappeared.

I don't know what possessed me, but I walked up to their door and opened it to see the blankets from the bed strewn about the floor, and Ami lying naked against Makoto. Have I become so insane that I would disturb the privacy of my closest friends?? Yet as I looked at them, I could see myself there, with Rei…

Lying against her chest… Falling to sleep accompanied by the rhythm of her heart that would beat only for me. Damn you, Yuuichiro…

I went shopping with Minako a few days ago, and the subject always fell back to Rei. I wonder if Minako knows something that I do not, because she kept asking me really stupid questions, like whether I had expressed my feelings to Rei and whether I knew how she felt about girls and about me.

Is there a possibility? Has Rei said something to Minako about me?? Is there even a chance?

I'm tired of wondering. Sometimes I think I should go up to Rei and bare my heart to her, for better or worse, but then I know that it's so hard to live without her love right now… I would die if she wouldn't even be my friend. Maybe sometimes it's true that a little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing. Ikuko says that to me every now and then.

I dreamed about Rei last night, and I want to write it down so that I never ever forget it.

My dream started with me leaving the house I grew up in and running the entire way to the Hikawa Jinja through the pouring rain. I took off my raincoat before I slid open her bedroom door and closed it behind me. I went into her bathroom and all of my personal things were there! I used my brush and a towel to dry out all of my hair, and then used my favorite perfume on my neck and between my breasts.

I walked out of the bathroom, and there was my Rei. She was so beautiful in her sleep, and I was overcome by the desire to make love to her. I pulled her blanket back slowly to her waist and saw that she was wearing a pair of pajamas that buttoned down the front. My fingers seemed to move so slowly from button to button as I unfastened the shirt that kept my beautiful Rei-chan's body hidden from me. Finally, I got the last one undone and slowly opened the front of her pajamas… I can even remember licking my lips in anticipation. I stared at her gorgeous form reverently for a few minutes, taking in every single one of her delicious curves.

I lowered my mouth to her breast, and when I felt her nipple harden against my tongue, chills ran down my entire body. Then I felt her fingers wrap themselves in my hair. I looked up into her eyes that were watching me, my mouth stopping. And then she said to me, "I love you, Usa. Don't stop.". I cried out for joy as I felt her hands guide my head to her other breast. We made love for what seemed to be hours…

It was wonderful.

For her passionate fire to sear it's love over my soul… that is my heart's desire.

Tsukino Usagi