Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ SgAltima Presents: Dear Diary ❯ Homeward Bound: January 14th, 2000 ( Chapter 3 )

SgAltima Presents:

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Another week has gone by in my life, and it seemed to go by so quickly. Ever since Minako revealed that she knows the way I feel about Rei, I wonder if I have been too obvious. I know that Rei has a sense for things... I'm so afraid of jeopardizing our friendship.

Even Ami knows!! I frown when I think about that. If Ami knows, then Makoto has to know. Could Rei be that oblivious? Have I made a complete fool of myself in staring at Rei's body?? Have I said something??

Ami came to my house one day with a basket filled with Makoto's homemade muffins and some milk. I remember thinking that Ami was just who I didn't need to see. I felt like she was flaunting her relationship with Makoto, and then after she told me that she had observed me staring at Rei all the time and the way I act around her, I REALLY felt like she was showing off because she had Makoto.

I feel so horrible, though. Ami has become even less talkative than when we were in school, and she came over with some simple advice. She told me that when she first revealed to Makoto how she felt (which I can't imagine, Ami initiating ANYTHING), that she couldn't find the words to say it because she was so afraid Makoto would spurn her.

I could only sit and watch as Ami told me, her face very red, that she used her computer to predict the next thunderstorm that would hit, and how thunderstorms were always attracted near where Makoto was because of her power, and waited until that night to be frightened by the thunderstorm and run into Makoto's room.

At this point, Ami was looking off into space as she told me these things, obviously envisioning how it happened. She told me that she asked to sleep in the same bed because she was afraid. And Ami seduced her! Ami-chan! I couldn't see her even looking at another girl that way, much less seducing them!

I asked her what they did together, but she wouldn't tell me. I guess some things will always stay the same. She left the basket of muffins on the table and told me she was leaving. She got up from her seat on my couch and walked over to me. I got up to walk her to the door, and before she walked out, she turned around and hugged me, whispering in my ear for me to do my best. It was funny how she didn't even have to say to me that she knew of my feelings for Rei for her to let me know she knew.

I had lunch with Ikuko this week. We talked about the same things as we usually do when suddenly out of nowhere, she told me that the house seemed awfully empty with Shingo having gone off to school and with me living on my own.

"When are you getting married, Usagi?", she asked me. "Kenji might not admit it, but we'd love to see grandchildren. I still want to see you get married."

I mentally made a note of what great timing my mother has when it comes to certain things. I was completely unprepared to tell her anything... she doesn't even know that I'm no longer Mamoru's girlfriend. How would she react to the news that her daughter is in love with a woman? My father would kill me, I think...

Somehow, I managed to evade the question long enough for her to focus back on how I don't seem to be eating enough. The kami must smile upon me, I think. We arrived back to my place after having lunch. I wanted to pick something up before I took her home, but she came into my apartment and started snooping around like she usually does.

Ikuko walked over to the window that overlooked the TV Tower, not even turning to face me when she tells me that she wonders about me all the time in a place like this, living all alone, and wouldn't I be happy at home??

I was shocked. I told her that I liked having my own space, and that's when I realized that she had prepared herself for this. She told me that Kenji had Shingo take everything that he wanted to keep out of his room so that they could turn the upstairs into an apartment for me.

I was reeling, fishing around in my brain for any sort of excuse I could utilize against this sneak attack. Suddenly, I blurted out that it probably wouldn't be a good idea because since Minako kept such a crazy schedule, my friends would be in and out of the house at all hours.

I smiled inside at that idea, because I remember quite well how that front door squeaks. Ikuko nodded for a moment before she looked at me and kept talking.

"Usagi, we can build a stairway to the second floor in the backyard along with a door. Kenji and I miss having an active household, and we're too old to have more children."

She looked away from me as she kept talking. "We were hoping you'd be married by now, and you'd have babies that you'd bring over."

I could tell from the tone of her voice that she had been bothered by this for a long time. I had thought of something to say, but I ended up blurting out how I was in love with Rei. I silently cursed many times as Ikuko stared at me.

I remember starting to babble... "Mama, please... I'm so sorry.", and other such statements. The last thing I wanted to think about was that she and Kenji would be upset and ashamed of me.

She came up to me and hugged me more tightly than she had in a very long time. I cried into her shoulder, because Rei was like family to us, and she knew that Rei was engaged to Yuuichiro. How I hate that name now...

She smiled at me, and my heart fell as I saw that it was forced onto her face. She told me that she needed to think about things, and as though reading my mind, told me that it was my duty to tell Kenji of my decision, not hers.

I sank back against the couch as she walked down the street that would lead to a 20 minute walk home for her. She wouldn't even let me take her home. If she does forgive me, I wonder if she'll ever not be ashamed.

Minako wants to take us all camping this weekend. Just us five girls, she says. She laughed when I told her that I didn't have any camping gear, and winked at me while telling me that Rei's tent held two and she would have a tent for Makoto and Ami and one for her.

Minako is planning a campout, and Ami shows up unexpectedly to tell me the history of herself and Makoto. I wonder if they are trying to set me up. My heart beats so fast when I think of sleeping in the same tent as Rei.

My heart's desire is that I would have the courage to tell Rei... finally... how I feel when we are alone this weekend.

Tsukino Usagi