Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ SgAltima Presents: Dear Diary ❯ Usagi Makes Her Choice: March 25th, 2000 ( Chapter 13 )

SgAltima Presents:

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

I have come to treasure the times when I can write about the things that are happening in my life in here. It seems like there is no one that I can relate my feelings to, and I feel some semblance of relief when I can let everything out and just blurt out the chaos inside me, even if no one hears except me.

Minako came to a decision that has all of Japan in an uproar. She decided that she will no longer create new albums and is retiring from being an idol after her newest album is released. I've known for a year now that she has grown weary of the lifestyle that she leads as a pop star, which is different from the life she imagined when we were younger.

Everyone is bursting with questions. Why, Minako?? What will you do now, Minako?? Will you go to television and movies, Minako?? Will you model, Minako?? My question is the first.

Why are you doing this, Minako? Are you giving up the life you dreamed of for so long because of me? Because of the little time we have together? If so, I would so hope that you would change your mind. The Silver Crystal will give us an eternity together. Cherish this time now...

I went to Rei's shrine this week.... and it is empty. The fire that burned inside continuously for so many years is dead, and the jinja is completely abandoned except for a note with my name on it. It is a very sad time for me, and I shall save this letter in here with my thoughts and memories of Rei.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Dearest Usagi,

For so many years, I have stood by your side. Through the hardest points in our lives, we have stood together. But our lives are headed in different directions now. Mamoru has told me that he will go back to America soon, and I will go with him. I plan to find a quiet spot and regain my serenity.

I wish you happiness with Minako. Maybe one day, I will find my happiness. I will always be ready to stand besides you. I have always been and will always be your friend.

Sailor Mars

~~~~~~~~~~

The day following my visit to the jinja, I gave Mamoru a phone call, and I got his answering machine. The message said something to the effect of how he was in America trying to secure an apartment before he transferred for good to accept his new position writing for a newspaper.

So it was true. Mamoru was leaving for America, and Rei was leaving with him to start a new life without me. I am sad and happy in a way. I don't understand why she had to leave Japan and her friends behind to do it. At least I will finally be free to be happy with someone for the first time in a long time.

Well, now it's time to begin writing about all of the good things that have been happening now before I end up depressing myself in the future when I come back and read this.

I woke up one morning to find myself not alone in my bed. An experience that isn't unusual now that Minako stays with me, but Minako wasn't there. My mother was sitting on the side of my bed. I really need to get some sort of locked door so I can prevent her from accidentally walking in on Minako and I.

She told me that my father wanted to talk to me. That's all she said and then she just simply smiled at me and walked out of my bedroom and back downstairs. I remember throwing some clothes on and walking downstairs to find my parents sitting on the couch.

As soon as I appeared in the doorway, Ikuko got up quietly and walked out of the room. My father smiled as he gestured for me to take the seat that she had just left. I sat down apprehensively, knowing that this had to do with Minako.

"So... I've had a discussion with Mamoru-san.", he told me. I was confused and asked him why he would be talking with Mamoru. My father smiled and told me that a long time ago, Mamoru did the right thing behind my back and introduced himself and our relationship to my father. Now that I think about it, that really is the type of thing that my Mamo-chan would have done. Oh well.

So I tried to casually play along and asked him what he and Mamoru had talked about. My father turned in his position to face me and said simply that he knew what was happening and that he was disappointed. I thought I was in for some sort of argument, but then he said that the reason that he was disappointed was that I wouldn't include him.

I couldn't even look at him when I told him that I didn't want him to be ashamed of me and that's why I didn't want him to know. He smiled and told me that even if Mamoru hadn't told him, it was easy to figure things out from the fact that Minako lived in my bedroom.

Seems I could have been more subtle... Oh well.

Anyways, he told me that he loved me, and he had always liked Minako and that it wasn't every person who got to live in the same house with a pop star. And he even suggested I have someone put a door at the top of the stairs that I could lock! I knew I always loved my father for a reason.

I threw my arms around him and cried. It was so wonderful to know that I didn't have to hide a huge secret from him anymore. I ran upstairs to find the sound of music drifting down from the room at the top of the second flight of stairs.

I went upstairs to find Minako reclining in the window ledge with her electric guitar, softly singing and playing "Love and Beauty Shock" a lot slower than it usually played. I sat down at her keyboard and began to play along with her. She hadn't even noticed me until I started playing, because I was just looking at her when I started to play and she looked up suddenly and smiled.

We just played and played for the longest time before she set down her guitar and just stared out the window. I spoke up and told her that Kenji had finally confronted me about our relationship. She looked over at me, the obvious question plastered all over her face. I smiled inwardly and began to stall, acting as though trying to find a nice way to tell her bad news.

She frowned until I told her that my father had accepted what was happening and didn't disown me. She laughed and threw one of the cushions she was sitting against at my face. I dodged, laughing hard, and ran at her with the cushion she had hurled at me. We began warring with our respective blows until she got me down on the floor on my back.

I'm so glad I had carpeting installed up there...

She pinned me down to the floor the same way that Rei had... but she just stayed there, with me on the floor like that for what seemed like the longest time... completely silent...

Then she laid down next to me and looked into my eyes. She laid her hand on my cheek and told me that she had to know. I asked her what she needed to know, and she told me she had to know that it was her and not Rei... that I wasn't using her as a substitute for Rei... that I loved her.

I looked at her quietly for a minute and then smiled. I told her that there was only enough room for her in my heart, and that fact was good enough for me. She smiled and begun to undress me slowly.

I think my heart's desire is to fulfill her heart's desire. I've made my choice, and as I look over at my beautiful Minako, I am sure I made the right choice. This is only the beginning for Minako and I.

Rei... I pray with my whole heart that you find something to fill the hole in your heart. I hate to wonder if our friendship is gone forever, but I have a feeling that you and I will share our friendship again someday. Please don't hate me forever... I would hate to spend this eternity without your company.

As always, I am...

Tsukino Usagi

~~~~

So that is it. Dear Diary is complete, and I don't think anything else needs to be said.

Rest assured that this will not be the last diary. But for now, Dear Diary feels finished to me. Hopefully you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it for you.

Please review. *smiling*

Your Servant,

SgAltima