Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ The Power Of Fire ❯ Chapter 4

"Where did you find her?" Usagi was staring into her cocoa as she sat around the dining table with Minako, Makoto, Haruka and Michiru.

"She was at the all-night arcade on the other side of the district." Michiru's brow furrowed again as she played the image over her mind again and again. Ami's face was going to haunt her until she saw her smile again. Although Michiru had never felt truly close to Ami, she had found the desire to protect her almost overwhelming. Ami had looked just like Haruka used to. Those days were horrible… Thought Michiru as she remembered back to the first days she met Haruka and how Haruka's face used to look so terrified and empowered in the same instance, when she was running. Ami's running just like Haruka used to, only they're running from different things.

"The all-night arcade?! I've heard that place is rough," said Minako as she took another drink of cocoa.

"It is. When we found her we weren't even sure if it was her but then she took off like a bat out of hell. I had to get out of the car to catch up with her," Haruka laughed sullenly, "She could do track with the way she was running."

"I hope she's alright now," Makoto said, bringing to the forefront everyone's concerns for their friend.

"I don't think she's going to be alright for awhile actually," Michiru looked up at the faces around the table, taking a deep breath and starting again. "There's a lot of psychology around Ami's reaction, a lot more than even Ami realises. It's hard to explain in a simple way, it's basically this: subconsciously Ami believes that eventually everyone's going to leave or alienate her. She doesn't mean to think it but you've got to remember back to when you first met Ami. She was quiet and didn't like confrontation because that meant nobody could reject her, lately she has gotten more confident but it all seemed to disappear when she realised she didn't know herself as well as she thought she did. Instantly she rebelled against the idea because it would cause friction and confrontation, and in her belief, rejection in the end."

"Ami's not… She's not like that. Why would she think people would reject her? Why would she think WE would reject her? It doesn't make sense." Minako voice was strong as she said it; she didn't believe that Ami could be so mistaken about the friendship they shared.

Michiru shook her head slowly, "It's not just you. Ami's parents got divorced when she was young and because children have a closed-mind in terms of the cause and effect Ami probably subconsciously blamed herself for the split, even though nowadays she knows that wouldn't be true. She barely ever sees either of her parents and I'd be willing to bet that she resents them somewhat for it and then believes that they don't really want her. She didn't really have any friends until she was a scout so she probably subconsciously believes that you are only her friend because of the predicament you were all put in. It's not that she doesn't have faith in you as her friends, she just doesn't have enough faith in herself to believe that somebody would truly like her for who she is."

Makoto sighed, "That does make sense. Remember when she was brainwashed and made to believe that we didn't like her. The enemy probably found the weakness in her mind and exploited it. It took Ami awhile to see through it."

Minako, "And there was also the time Ami got upset because she thought she wasn't good enough. Remember, she thought that everyone only thought of her because she was smart."

"Ami is always quick to avoid conflict too," muttered Usagi, hating to admit that everything Michiru had said was relatively true.

"But then how do we help her?" asked Minako, finishing off her cocoa.

"YOU don't. Ami has to find her own strength to confront her demons, but I think I say with all honesty that she won't be alone." Haruka put down the cup she had been twirling between her hands, giving each of the younger girls a look that was both a precautionary warning and a threat. "You saw how Ami reacted, what makes you think she's going to react any differently next time?"

"Poor Ami, I can't imagine how hard it would be to suddenly not understand yourself," sighed Minako, staring out the window wistfully.

"You don't understand yourself Minako," replied Makoto looking over at her friend.

"Not completely," stated Minako back, sticking her tongue out at Makoto in the process.

"Um… Speaking of, what about Rei?" asked Usagi, looking from one couplet to the other suddenly causing them all to go quiet.

"I think they're cute together," stated Haruka, pushing out her chair and grabbing all the empty mugs together in one hand.

"But Rei's not like that," said Minako looking up at Haruka.

"Have you ever asked Rei?" questioned Michiru looking over at Minako and gaining her attention.

"We never really thought too," replied Makoto, tilting her head to the side in thought.

"She's never really liked guys though has she?" voiced Usagi, "I mean, she said herself the only reason she'd ever really want a boyfriend is to have someone to boss around."

"That's not a very good reason to have a boyfriend, is it?" said Minako, speaking her thoughts aloud.

"It still seems a bit weird though," said Makoto, speaking the words on her two friends' minds, trying to not look at Michiru as she said it.

"You seem to have accepted me and Haruka fairly well though," said Michiru glancing at the girls.

"Well it's different. You two were already together when we met you and we kind of expected it more. But we've known Ami and Rei for awhile and both of them have gone out with guys before. It's just… weird." Makoto and Usagi nodded along to Minako's words as she tried to explain in the least insulting way possible.

"You think it's a little strange, don't you?" asked Michiru with a small smile in her face.

"A little; I mean we get you and Haruka because well Haruka's just like… Haruka. We thought she was a guy when we first met her," stated Usagi remembering the day her and Minako had trailed behind Haruka thinking she was a cute guy and not a cute girl.

"I know where you're coming from. But still, if it is that way you should be happy for them," said Michiru as Haruka came back from the kitchen.

"Anyway, shouldn't you girls be getting back somewhere?" questioned Haruka as she dangled her car keys.

"Oh yeah…" said Usagi getting up from her chair, "We better get back to my place before my parents wake up."

 

~~~~~

 

Ami woke up in Rei's bedroom again; in Rei's bed again but not in her arms. Rei had insisted that Ami sleep in her bed with her due to the coldness of the night and the fact that Ami looked like she had caught a cold. Ami sniffled as she rolled over, trying to find some more warmth. It's so cold, though Ami as she curled up further in the blankets, catching a bit of Rei's hair in the process.

Ami knew Rei had invited her into the bed out of concern but Ami wished that maybe it had been for another reason. Ami knew this feeling, this was what it felt like to 'like' someone, to want them but she also felt repulsed by herself and she was sure that after Rei's concern waned that she would be repulsed too. She didn't know why she felt sure of that, she didn't even know why she repulsed herself. She had accepted Michiru and Haruka easily but she had never thought her disposition might be the same.

The desperation held off a little today, she felt like she was recovering somehow. Her mother had called her at about 7a.m. that morning to talk to her. Ami hadn't said anything alarming to her mother but she had told her that she'd been upset lately, missing her a lot. It had also been a shock to find a fresh sketch from her father in the Temple mailbox at 10a.m. Ami guessed that the others had gone to her house and emptied the mail for her, then delivered the sketch to Rei's Temple so that Ami would get it.

Did I overreact? The question formed itself in her mind slowly but everything inside her wrenched at it. The turbulent urges had gone but the same dreadful feeling of loss still consumed her. No, I'm still wrong.

Ami knew part of her emotions were from not seeing her mother as often as she wished and not being able to see her father at all but there was something else there that she couldn't quite grasp that she wished she could.

"Ami," Rei's voice forced Ami's eyes open but she felt as if she were trying to see the world through a thick haze of smoke.

"You're burning up," said Rei putting a cold hand on Ami's forehead. "You've got a cold I think."

Ami couldn't understand why Rei's voice sounded so alarmed; the only problem was this dreadful coldness that she couldn't seem to get rid of, and also the fact that the world was blurry.

Ami flinched slightly as Rei ran a finger under her eye, Ami flinched again as she realised she could now see clearly. Her sight was blurry from the tears, but Ami hadn't noticed that she had been crying.

"I'm going to go get you a couple more blankets you've got a horrible fever," said Rei, knowing that Ami probably couldn't even properly comprehend that much at the present time.

Stupid weather, thought Ami in her haze, trying to curl herself into a ball as much as possible while still keeping the blanket settled on her so that it wouldn't let out any of the heat.

In her haze it took awhile for her mind to comprehend the obvious, it was stupid weather. It wasn't even close to rational, even though it had been predicted, but it made Ami feel tired all over to think about it. Probably just some stupid natural phenomena, she said to herself in her mind, listening to the soft footsteps of Rei as she moved about the Temple.

Ami shuddered as another cold ripple swept through her body. Where are those damn pills? She thought, They would make the cold go away.

Wishing for the desire of sleep more than anything Ami rolled herself out of the bed and shuffled over to her backpack. Unzipping the front pocket she pulled out the sleeping pills and gave them a shake, Still enough left, she thought as she desperately tried to open the bottle.

"Ami, what're you doing?" Rei's voice was sharp and painfully close to her, making Ami shrink back somewhat. "Ami, whose pills are they?"

Ami's hands dropped the bottle as another violent shiver broke through her causing her to wrap herself even tighter in the thin blanket of Rei's bed. Ami knew she was meant to respond but her mouth seemed to be frozen for some reason.

Gently tugging the bottle of pills out of Ami's hands Rei read the label. "Kiko Uhitan… Sleeping pills…" murmured Rei as she looked at Ami again, only then noticing the soft, pale bruising around her eyes and the way her skin looked too sallow and thin.

"Oh Ami," was all Rei could say before she wrapped another blanket around Ami, helping her sick friend back onto the bed.

"I'm tired," muttered Ami as she rolled over onto her side, facing away from Rei in shame.

Shaking her head slowly Rei left a glass of water and a few cold tablets on the bedside table for Ami to take. I wish you would have let us in Ami, was all Rei could think as she left the room.

 

~~~~~

 

"What do you mean pills?" Mamoru pressed the phone between his ear and shoulder as he flipped through the websites trying to find the pills that Rei was describing to him.

"Sleeping pills, it didn't have a proper tag on it but I figure she'd been taking them for awhile," answered Rei the worry making her voice higher than usual as she continually checked that Ami was still asleep.

"Well unless we take them to a hospital we won't be able to find out the name for them but then we'd probably have to tell them how we came by them. I've got a website here that describes some of the side affects of sleeping pills; one of them produces excessive mood swings and emotional disturbances," said Mamoru, switching the phone from one ear to the other.

"That sounds like Ami. I mean she was upset as normal when her mother left but it seemed to get way worse just a week after that," said Rei biting down on her bottom lip. How had none of us noticed?

"Yeah well as long as she's stopped taking them now everything should be alright. Any idea why she started taking them in the first place? Ami doesn't really seem like the drug abuser type," Mamoru closed off the webpage and sat his laptop onto the coffee table in front of him.

"I know. Ami has said that she has trouble sleeping sometimes and I have seen her take sleeping medication before but that was only on the rare occasion and it usually didn't seem so heavy-duty," sighed Rei, taking another peak around her door frame. Ami had kicked off the blankets; Her fever must have gone down, thought Rei as she eyed the blue-haired beauty sadly.

"Do you have any idea how many she's taken to date?" asked Mamoru as she got up and stretched, he was expecting Usagi and Chibiusa any minute now and he had a feeling that Usagi would probably take it personally if she found him on the phone to Rei, no matter what they had been discussing.

"My guess is 10 or 11, most likely over the past three weeks," replied Rei again counting the remaining pills into her palm, "There's still 23 in the bottle."

"At least she hasn't taken more than that, but that still averages one every two days and I don't think that would be normal, even if it wasn't anything heavy-duty," replied Mamoru, standing over the phone port.

"I know, anyway I better go now. She'll probably be waking up soon," said Rei, leaning against the wall as she heard the soft sniffles of Ami coming from her bedroom.

"Okay, bye Rei," finished Mamoru putting the phone down in the port just as the doorbell rang. Good timing at least, he thought to himself.

 

~~~~~

 

Ami floundered in her dreams…

She was in a cage; the bars were tight around her. I need to get out, she thought but her body wouldn't move no matter how many times she tried…

The street was bare, all the cars piled on top of each in a wild array. She ran, her legs moving in impossible slow motion as she tried to out run something, anything, everything…

"Ami…" Rei's voice…

She was inside, the thunder and lightning were crashing down on the earth and the television crackled with the snowy vision it offered. That's not normal…

"Ami…" Rei's voice again, "Ami… Wake up… Come on…"

Wake up? Wake up from what Rei?

Her friends soft, velvety hair; it teased her skin. "So lovely," she whispered, her fingers running along the naked back of her friend. Just a friend…

"Ami!" Rei's voice again but it was louder… "Ami! Come on, wake up!"

Suddenly Ami's body broke through the bindings and it flung her into a sitting position on Rei's bed. Hardly noticing her momentum it drove her body forward and her lips found soft contact with Rei's own.

"Ami…" was Rei's murmured response in the accidental kiss.