Saiyuki Reload Gunlock Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction / Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Craving Touch ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

Craving Touch

Chapter 3

By: eternalsailorsolarwind

 

Disclaimer: All rights owned by Minekura Kazuya. I just own copies of the manga, anime, and some drama CD's.

 

A/N: And so it continues. Hakkai/Gojyo.

 

0o0o0o0o0o

 

Hakkai looked in the rearview mirror for the third time in the last ten minutes. Gojyo was staring at the scenery, puffing on a cigarette while ignoring Goku's attempts to rile him into an argument. The kappa had been chain-smoking ever since they had returned from the grocery shopping the day before. Looking back to the road, wondering what was wrong, Hakkai caught a slight movement beside him.

 

Glancing over, he caught Sanzo looking in his mirror back at Gojyo. It was only for a moment, but even the monk had noticed the change in demeanor. Hakkai was sure that Sanzo was merely enjoying the quiet in the back seat while it lasted. Heaven forbid the monk actually be worried about Gojyo.

 

Deciding to not - for the moment - break the quiet in the jeep, Hakkai wondered about the sudden silence from Gojyo. It wasn't noticeable until late in the afternoon yesterday. What could have caused it?

 

There was nothing that he could think of from yesterday that could cause his best friend to be so …reserved, something so very out of character for him. Hakkai felt his throat tighten at the memory of the night before that, however. That was the night when Gojyo had sensed his need to be touched, and had come to him to calm and soothe him.

 

While that was nothing truly out of the ordinary, since Gojyo had been doing that for him for years, that night had been somewhat different. Even though he needed it, he'd always accepted his friend's ministrations almost unwillingly. Though always grateful to Gojyo, he felt weak for needing it. That had changed, somewhat, the other night.

 

Hakkai had allowed himself to truly enjoy the warmth of another person for the first time in years. He had admitted, wordlessly, that he needed to be touched; that he wanted to be touched. And that he wanted it to be Gojyo that touched him. The only one he wanted to touch him.

 

From the look on Gojyo's face, he'd thought his best friend to be happy with the development when he'd turned in the other man's arms to face him. It had been surprised, yet pleased. Now, he wondered if he'd misread the look; that perhaps he was hoping for something Gojyo couldn't give him. The kappa was a ladies' man, after all. Allowing the wounded Gonou to recuperate was as far as he would stretch his rule about no men in his bed.

 

“Hakkai!” snarled a voice to his left, breaking him from his thoughts. Realizing he'd allowed the jeep to drift from the road, he jerked the wheel to get them back on course. Pulling to a stop, he sat still, panting at the near miss. He could have killed them all while engrossed in his thoughts.

 

Looking into the rearview mirror to apologize to the passengers in the back seat, he was stopped by a pair of worried ruby eyes. Emerald and ruby locked for a moment, and Hakkai clearly “heard” Gojyo's silent, “We'll talk later.”

 

0o0o0o

 

“Later” was when the four of them headed to their rooms to sleep. Somehow, the kappa managed to room with him that night. He'd been able to feel those distinctive eyes on him ever since the incident in the jeep that afternoon. Feeling self-conscious under those eyes for the first time in years, Hakkai waited until Gojyo went to the bathroom before changing into his night clothes. It was odd how…. hesitant he felt about this upcoming talk with his best friend.

 

Hearing Gojyo enter the room, Hakkai looked up. Those ruby eyes took in the changes since the kappa had left, and he watched as they darkened slightly with something very much like sorrow before they lightened with forced cheer.

 

“What's wrong?” they both asked at the same time.

 

The kappa chuckled, “You first.”

 

Hakkai licked his dry lips before speaking, idly noticing that his best friend was watching his every move. “You have been very quiet lately, Gojyo. Ever since we returned from shopping yesterday afternoon, in fact. Is something wrong? Can I help?”

 

Gojyo, lighting another cigarette, choked. “You, ah, noticed that, huh?”

 

“You have been chain smoking, Gojyo. Usually, you leave that to Sanzo,” Hakkai responded primly. “I couldn't help but notice.”

 

Chuckling wryly, Gojyo ran a hand through his damp red hair. “Should've known. You never miss anything.”

 

“Gojyo…?”

 

“It's …nothing, Hakkai. Just something I have to work out in my head,” replied the kappa, looking away for a moment. “So…what's wrong on your end, `Kai? You don't usually drive Hakuryu off the road.”

 

Hakkai was not surprised by the change in subject. It was a tactic they had both used often over the years. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. This time, Hakkai let it go.

 

“I was lost in thought. Something was…bothering me.”

 

Gojyo's eyebrows rose, obviously surprised that Hakkai was volunteering even that much information. “You get it worked out?”

 

“Not quite yet. I am coming to the conclusion that what's bothering me will probably never be completely resolved,” Hakkai said, giving his friend a slightly forced smile.

 

The cheerful façade slipped from Gojyo's eyes like water. Crossing the room, he sat on his own bed. “Let me know if you get it worked out,” he said, his voice flat.

 

Taken aback by the sudden change in his best friend, Hakkai could only watch as the kappa stretched out on the bed, rolling until he was facing away from him. What had he missed in the last five minutes?

 

The answer hit Hakkai like a kick to the gut. Gojyo knew. He knew about the change in his best friend's feelings for him. Gojyo knew, and was trying to figure out how to let him down easy, without hurting him. It explained everything, from the chain-smoking and the silence in the jeep, to the sudden rejection of him just a minute before.

 

Swallowing down his sudden nausea, Hakkai lay down on his own small, lonely bed, staring up at the ceiling. Though he had expected nothing less, the reality of the fact that the man he had come to love couldn't love him back hurt more than he had anticipated. The pain clawed at his stomach, making it twist into knots. Getting up quickly, he crossed the hall to the bathroom, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Panting, he rested his head against the cold porcelain, still feeling the ache in his heart.

 

What in heaven's name was he going to do now?