Saiyuki Reload Gunlock Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction / Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Craving Touch ❯ Chapter 4

Craving Touch

Chapter 4

 

By: eternalsailorsolarwind

 

Disclaimer: Saiyuki and all of its characters are owned by Minekura Kazuya, Geneon, ADV, Ichijinsha, Tokyopop, and a couple other legal entities that escape me at the moment. I just write with the characters for fun.

 

A/N: Back to Gojyo's POV. The angst is starting to really get thick in here. Still Gojyo/Hakkai.

 

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Gojyo stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. “Get it together, man. You can do this. You can face your best friend and not let him know you've fallen for him.”

 

He snorted at the disbelieving look on his reflected face. Sure he could. And while he was at it, maybe he could get the bakazaru to not eat half the menu by himself every time they stopped at a restaurant. The kappa sighed. He'd just have to hope that whatever it was that was bothering Hakkai would be enough to distract the other man from how out of it he was.

 

Steeling himself, Gojyo returned to the room he was sharing with Hakkai for the night. He glanced around, checking for anything out of place, a habit he'd picked up on this never-ending trip to India. All he saw was Hakkai, sitting on the bed. The other man had looked up when he'd walked in, watching him. Gojyo quickly noticed that the healer had changed into what he wore to sleep in.

 

That hurt, since Hakkai used clothes as a shield. He hated letting anyone see that scar he'd received the day he'd become a youkai, the physical reminder of his crimes as Cho Gonou. Gojyo himself had always been an exception to that rule, but that was because he'd tended the wound, and knew the whole story behind how he'd gotten it. There was nothing that Hakkai needed to hide from him, so he didn't. Until now, it seemed.

 

Forcing himself to pretend there was nothing wrong, that he wasn't hurt; he smiled cheerfully at his roommate, knowing it wasn't looking quite right. “What's wrong?”

 

He heard Hakkai's voice echo him, and he chuckled, “You first.”

 

Hakkai paused before speaking, licking his lips. Gojyo found his eyes drawn to the movement. “You have been very quiet lately, Gojyo. Ever since we returned from shopping yesterday afternoon, in fact. Is something wrong? Can I help?”

 

Gojyo, who had tried to light a cigarette to cover the fact that he was staring at his best friend, choked. Was something wrong? Could the other man help? Images of the converted youkai in his arms, under him, over him, flashed through his mind. Oh yeah, Hakkai could help all right. Somehow, he managed to get out, “You, ah, noticed that, huh?”

 

“You have been chain smoking, Gojyo. Usually, you leave that to Sanzo,” replied Hakkai. “I couldn't help but notice.”

 

Running a hand through his still-damp hair, Gojyo chuckled. Why he thought he'd managed to put one over on his best friend was beyond him. “Should've known. You never miss anything.”

 

“Gojyo?”

 

The healer's tone was confused and curious. Looking away, unable to face his friend at the moment, afraid of something else his best friend would probably not miss, he continued, “It's …nothing, Hakkai. Just something I have to work out in my head. So… what's wrong on your end, `Kai? You usually don't drive Hakuryu off the road.”

 

He was relieved when Hakkai let the change of subject go. He really didn't know what he would have told the other man had he pressed.

 

“I was lost in thought. Something was…bothering me.”

 

Surprised that Hakkai didn't just blow the question off, since the converted youkai always deflected - or flat-out denied - anything that might hint that all was not right with him, he asked, “You get it worked out?”

 

“Not quite yet. I am coming to the conclusion that what's bothering me will probably never be completely resolved,” replied Hakkai, smiling at him.

 

It was Hakkai's smile that wiped the forced smile right off his own face. Hakkai never smiled at him like that. That smile was a mask, used to hide his pain, insecurity, and everything else that bothered the man from the world at large. Seeing it used on him now made something twist painfully in his chest. Why would he…? And then Gojyo realized exactly why he'd use that smile.

 

Hakkai must have figured it out. His best friend must have discovered that he, the playboy of the group, had fallen hard for the other man. The converted youkai didn't know how to react, so instead he threw up a wall between them until he could. It explained why he had driven off the road this afternoon; Hakkai was thinking too hard on how to let him off easy, without tearing the heart right out of his chest.

 

Not bothering to hide his pain from the other man, Gojyo made his way to his bed, sitting down. “Let me know if you get it worked out.” His voice sounded flat and toneless to his own ears, but didn't give a damn. Lying down, he rolled over to face the wall. He couldn't bear to look at his best friend right now. It stung too much.

 

Hakkai said nothing, though Gojyo could feel those emerald eyes on his back. He ignored the sensation, and wondered if he had just lost his best friend for good. That hurt the most, the thought that the other man wouldn't even be able to stand the sight of him now. It made his chest feel tight, like he couldn't breathe.

 

He heard Hakkai lay down, before getting back up and quickly leaving the room just a few minutes later. A bitter, self-mocking grin crossed his face.

 

“Way to go, jackass. Just piss away the best friend you ever had by wanting something you know you can't have,” Gojyo muttered to himself, raking long fingers through long, blood-red hair.

 

Sitting up, he got off the bed and fled the room. He didn't want to be here when Hakkai got back - assuming he came back - from wherever it was he went. All he wanted to do right now was go drown his sorrows in a few bottles of saké. Maybe if he got himself shitfaced, he could deal with not being wanted by the one person he needed to want him. `Cause sure as shit he couldn't deal with it right now.