SD Gundam Fan Fiction ❯ CELEBRATE!!! ❯ Rice Ball ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Taishi stared off into the distance at the sunset across the ocean, the waves crashing against the jagged rocks at the bottom. Ignoring his unnerving fear of heights, he sat down on the edge and threw a pebble at the whitecaps, the stone never reaching the destination. He sighed and laid back against the ground, putting his hands behind his head and staring at the pastel-streaked sky.
"I still don't get it," He mumbled to himself, the memory coming back to him...


The chibi Taishi sat alone in the corner of his room, holding his head in his hands. Tears threatened to break through but he continued to fight off the sadness and confusion that left him in a state of abyss. A picture laid forlorn at his side. The atmosphere haunted him, the all too quiet house somehow managed to whisper cruel things to his already throbbing head.
'They're dead... they're not here... gone. They left you.'
Whether Taishi knew it or not, none of this was real. There was no eerie, cold air, no whispering house. Just his imagination getting the better of him. Why now though? Taishi wasn't the kind of child to believe in wild or fetish fantasies. He never even considered that there might be a monster that came out of his closet or bed at night, he already knew monsters weren't real.
Somehow things are different now. Now he can't pass by his living room without a chill running up his spine. Now he can't sit on the rooftop and watch the stars without running away. Now he can't go back to the river and study all of the interesting fish without crying. Now he was never going to eat a rice ball without butterflies in his stomach.
Taishi found fear and he was never going to be the same. He knows better now: monsters are real. And his parents are gone. Two of the worst case scenarios for a child rolled into one frightening nightmare called reality .
"Why..." He asked to the still air for no reason.
"Why what?" Kaibaso asked, suddenly appearing in the room like usual. Taishi glanced at his guardian and returned his apathetic gaze back to the ground.
"Why did they die?" He asked while taking in a sniffle. "You said they were strong, don't the strong prevail?" He managed to choke out from the tears and the despair rattling his soul. Kaibaso felt his heart become heavy as Taishi cried. He wasn't sure who he was sorry for now- himself, his best friend, or his children; all he could decipher was that he was sorry. Very sorry.
"That is normally the case. But no matter how strong or powerful we get, we all meet the same end." He paused briefly to sort through his thoughts, hoping to find something more consoling than his previous answer. "Very few things last forever, Taishi. It's the things you can touch or hold in your hands that break." Kaibaso face faulted at his own statement, realizing how very little comforting that was, and sighed, sliding a hand over his weary face. "My brother is better at matters like this, strangely enough", he muttered to himself, hoping Taishi didn't hear that. He did, but chose to ignore the statement.
"But... why? How come we have to die? How come they had to die?!" Taishi rubbed his arm across his face, trying to rid himself of the tears. Kaibaso scratched the back of his head a bit while concentrating on finding anything, anything , that could ease the small musha's mind. He finally concluded upon something and sat down on Taishi's bed, in front of Taishi.
"Taishi, everything is a continual balance of yin and yang. Yin being the light, or good, and yang being in dark, or evil. Neither can ever vanquish the other; in the shadow of yin follows yang, and without the light there is no shadow for yang to be follow in." Taishi looked up at Kaibaso, confusion preoccupying his mind over the fairly recent events.
"What does that have anything to do with my parents being slaughtered?!" He yelled out exasperated. "Do you just enjoy beating around the bush or something?" Kaibaso sweatdropped and cleared his throat.
"Alright then, to be blunt: where there is death, there is life, and vic versa." He glanced up at Taishi. "Better?" Taishi could swore one of the circuits in his head fried.
"No, I'm more confused than ever before though..." Kaibaso hung his head for a moment before taking out a note pad and writing down:
Not to self: Get 'Therapy for Dummies ' Book
He thought it over for a few more seconds before scratching out 'Therapy' and putting 'Parenting' . Taishi tilted his head to the side, becoming increasingly baffled.
"What's that?"
"Nothing", Kaibaso answered before tucking the note pad away. "So what do you not understand?"
"You never really answered my question! I wanted to know why they died. I don't get how the strong could die before the weak. Yeah, so the world isn't quite 'survival of the fittest, but..." Taishi trailed off, starting to confuse even himself. Whether Taishi was able to bring himself to explain or not, Kaibaso understood and, miraculously, for the first time in the whole day, he knew just what to say. Why he didn't think of it earlier he would have to ponder somewhere else in a different flashback. He stood up, brushed himself off, and walked over to the doorway.
"I get it. But there's nothing I can say on the matter." He smiled at Taishi. "Just think about your father's motto." On cue, Kaibaso left Taishi to sit there dumbfounded.


Taishi continued to gaze at the ever darkening sky, the soft pinks slowly turning into soft violets, then a gentle indigo. His eyes lost their attentive luster, as if he were watching the fabric of space itself, while mumbling unconsciously.
"You win some and you lose some. But with your mother's case, I am always losing..." He smirked as the mental image of his father saying that while chuckling only seconds before his mother would whack him over the head.
Alright, so sometimes they were annoying to him. But that's inevitable, no one's perfect after all. Besides, with a father that should have been diagnosed with ADHD and a mother that tries to keep order in the 'fun' house, he was never bored.
Still, these thoughts were now just a memory in the past, ruining Taishi's temporary happiness and causing him to frown again. Without him ever noticing, the sun had set beyond the horizon, a cloud, darker than the night sky that barely shone threw, settled above the area and silently spread a soft drizzle over the land. He sighed and sat up, wrapping his cold arms around himself while pulling his knees close to his chest.
How could someone be here one day and be gone forever the next?
He sorely rubbed the temples on each side of his head with two fingers, taking in a deep breath in the process.
Maybe it's just one giant nightmare or illusion. Perhaps, if I wait long enough, they'll come back again.
Taishi buried his head in his hands, feeling a bit ashamed at even thinking such a ridiculous thing. He was smarter than this; he was always a very quick, logical thinker. He already knew this hope was false, but is that why everyone goes about their life? Because they thought a lie would comfort them; that false hope would rid them of their pain?
"Taishi." He separated two of his fingers, letting him peer threw to find Kaibaso squatting down in front of him. Taishi pulled his heavy head from out of the palms of his soaked hands and brought his chocolate eyes up to him. "You should come back in. You don't want to catch a cold", he said sternly before standing back up and crossing his arms. Taishi bowed his head slightly, letting the rain drip off the sides of his face. Kaibaso extended his hand to him; without looking up, he took it and was pulled to his feet. He stumbled a bit before regaining balance and walking off without ever tearing his gaze from the ground.
Kaibaso watched him leave and sighed sadly while shaking his head. "That boy..."



Taishi cuddled himself under his blanket, listening to the rain pounding against the glass window. He sighed and pulled the warm fabric up to his neck while burying the side of his head in the pillow. His glazed over eyes fixed on the desk across from him, cluttered with assortments of books, papers, and notes- all picking up dust. His father's twin kantanas rested inside their holsters, leaning against the chair. Taishi snorted before rolling over to stare at his blank empty wall on the other side.
For most of his life, Taishi studied all sorts of books on his left arm with its electric generator located inside. Once he learned most of the basics and how to control it, he began to read on the other parts of a gundam. Maybe he wanted to become or doctor like Master Nokeiko, he wasn't sure.
What he was sure of, very sure of in fact, was that his father always wanted Taishi to become a samurai just like, well, himself. Whenever Taishi learned a new trick with his arm, his father would watch with the curiosity of a 5-year-old then, after the show was over and done with, would mention how great an asset that would be if Taishi had ever decided to follow the path of a samurai.
What difference that would have made? I probably would have still gotten my ass handed to me by the Dark Axis's minions...
He clenched the blanket in his hand out of frustration, remembering how helpless they were... how helpless he was...
Past. Keep it all in the past. Who cares, no point in trying to keep it from repeating: it will anyway in the end.
Taishi was a very smart child, too smart for his own good perhaps. Thinking about that sword reminded him of something he read in one of his books once. About people passing on this form of relief from their era to be kept as a simple memory. Humans, when feeling sad or depressed, would cut themselves on their wrists, supposedly freeing them of their anguish and pain.
Yeah, he knew he was depressed. It was obvious, but not a big deal to him. Hell, that was an aspect of depression- not caring. Still, he wasn't alone right? If he was able to figure out what life and death really mean while still only being a child, surely most of the adult gundams know it also. Kaibaso and his parents knew... right?
So why was he still somehow alone. How could they know and still be able to live and smile? Why don't they just pick up that blade and shed themselves of their pain just like the humans?
Why doesn't he just pick up that blade and shed himself of his pain?
For starters, he knew it would do, and bring about, absolutely nothing. If he dragged that sharp edge slowly across the veins in his wrist, it would heal perfectly in a few mere minutes, leaving nothing in its wake except the bloody tipped weapon. Kinda like his parents after they died: its as if it was never there in the begin with. Apparently, everything is or was temporary. And he was sick of it.
So slitting his wrists would be pointless. There was still always just taking that same knife and stabbing himself with it until he could feel no more pain, until he could no longer see the room, until he could no longer be alive. Yes, that option was available, although not quite sane.
But he was afraid to do it.
Taishi pulled the covers over his head in shame, just to find a way to hide his face. He knew he couldn't bring himself to pick up that knife with that intention; he was afraid of some unknown force. Seriously , he pondered.
What could be more frightening than reality?
It was probably a very natural and, supposedly, 'healthy' fear; maybe the will to live was created from a certain hormone in the brain altering such thoughts.
Stupid brain.
Plus fear would explain why everyone else hasn't stabbed themselves yet with some kind of instrument. That or stupidity.
I was oblivious before... but I know better now. No. If I can't live without pain, sorrow, or fear, then I won't live at all.
Taishi threw the covers off his bed, deciding to get it over with now before he could change his mind, and pushed himself up into a sitting position. About to straddle the side with his legs, he noticed something sitting next to his bed under the blanket.
So much for that...
Taishi shook his head to the side slowly before resting his elbows on his knees.
"Baku," he began while sweatdropping. "What do you think you are doing?"
The mini gundam lifted the blanket slightly while grinning ear to ear (metaphorically).
"Tai!" Baku squeaked in his higher, chibi voice before completely removing the blanket. "Tai play," he exclaimed while taking out his big, rubber ball and throwing it at the ground, watching it bounce up and down until it slowed to roll off to the side. When he looked back up, Taishi had already laid back down and rolled over to face the wall; Baku frowned.
"Not today," he mumbled, feeling a bit more depressed, if it were possible.
Damn.
Any hope of ridding himself of his life had come to a complete dead-end. There was now an apparent reason he overlooked previously which came back just at the last moment to smack him in the face with another harsh reality, which he knew damn well he couldn't push aside.
Taishi knew he couldn't leave Baku to the cold, harsh world alone. He was the closest thing to him, nothing could change that. But he had only recently turned old enough to create a memory bank, because of this Baku never will remember his parents. So Taishi was, literally, all Baku had.
He sighed then looked over his shoulder at Baku, who hadn't moved an inch since Taishi flipped over. Baku glanced up from staring at Taishi's back, his auburn eyes meeting his older brother's.
"Tai sick?" Baku asked in a less squeaky-happy tune while tilting his head slightly to the side in question.
Taishi bite his lip in thought, wondering how he should respond. He wanted to be honest; he just wanted to say the truth which would have been, "Well, that depends on what you mean by sick." But he couldn't say that because he knew his feeble minded brother wouldn't get any of that, especially since he still had difficulties contemplating sentences longer than five words.
"You could say that," he said while hoping it was simple enough. Baku sat there and blinked, assuming that was a yes. Baku smiled and magically pulled a rice ball from behind his back.
"Tai eat rice ball! Tai feel better and play!"
Taishi laid there speechless, glancing back and forth from the rice ball to Baku. He sat back up so he wouldn't have to continue to twist his head in an awkward position to look at Baku.
"But... How..." He stuttered for a moment before forming a question. "Baku, did you make that rice ball?" The bishi gundam nodded his head happily. Taishi continue to gap in disbelief.
How could he know? He wasn't old enough to remember...
His eyes furrowed in deep thought while glancing across the room again at the twin kantanas. His father taught them how to make rice balls; it then he and his mother realized that Baku had inherited his father's passion for rice balls.
But Baku was too young to remember his parents. So what happened?
He pulled himself back out of thought and turned back to Baku, still waiting patiently with the rice ball in hand.
"When did you learn how to make them?" Baku shrugged his shoulders.
"I dunno." Baku looked down at his hand, his cheer fading away while examining the rice ball carefully, hoping there wasn't something flawed with it. When he found nothing, he looked back up at his older brother, still carrying out the prolonged silence. Baku frowned, beginning to feel sad.
"Tai eat rice ball and feel better?" He asked more than commanded this time, trying to get Taishi to take the rice ball. Taishi blinked a bit, not really realizing he spaced out on Baku. He peered down at Baku holding the rice ball out pleadingly. He couldn't help but smile at Baku's quivering, bottom lip. Chuckling, he accepted the offering.
"Yeah. Thanks..." Taishi took a bite out of it and Baku squealed in glee again. "So, what do you want to play today huh?"


People aren't perfect, neither is life apparently. Master Kaibaso was right: in the end, they'll take away your land, money, maybe even home. But they could never take the most important thing you can't home in your hands: love.
And the purest of all love would be family.

I've concluded this: our parents may be gone, but they live in us.