Shaman King Fan Fiction ❯ A Gift of Love ❯ His Feelings ( Chapter 13 )

I actually proofread this one, because I really want this one to be perfect. This chapter took me two days to write, and I'm rather proud of it.

 

Yes, if you were waiting for Emo!Ren, this is your chapter. I dedicate this to you.

 

Without further ado, I present… the fluff chapter.

 

Notes: Just to make sure this is clear, “home” is Ren's condo-thingy in Japan, not the House of Tao.

 

“Urusse” basically means “shut up”.

 

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A Gift of Love - Chapter Thirteen: His Feelings

 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Ren sat on the couch, his elbows on his knees and his head hanging down. The scenes from that day playing over and over in his mind.

 

“I'm sorry…”

 

She looked up at him, her face damp with tears, the blood running down her cheek.

 

“Niisama…what's happened to you?”

 

He stared at her.

 

“Where's the Ren I gave the last milk to? Where's the Ren I used to cook for? Where the Ren I watched in the gym until I fell asleep?” She was practically screaming, her eyes blinded by tears. “Where's the Ren who gave me these clips?” She grabbed a braid and shook it.

 

“WHERE IS HE? TELL ME!! I WANT HIM NOW!!!”

 

She buried her face in her knees and continued bawling. Ren wanted to touch her again, but stopped himself.

 

Yoh stepped in. “I think you guys should go home and work this out.”

 

Ren turned his head to listen to him.

 

“No…”

 

He snapped his head back to look at her. Had he heard her right?

 

“Pin-Mei…”

 

She turned her head on her knees so she could look at him, still sobbing.

 

“Niisama…I can't go home with you tonight.”

 

He stared at her, not believing what she had just said. “Pin-Mei…Don't…”

 

“I'm sorry, Niisama…I just can't…”

 

Then it was decided that she would go home with Yoh for the night. When they parted, she wouldn't even look at him. When they walked away from each other, he found himself constantly looking back at her. She didn't look even once.

 

Now he was home by himself, wallowing in self-pity.

 

He hid his face in his hands. “What have I done…”

 

The box from his jacket sat before him on the coffee table. He picked up his head and stared at it. A wave of rage consumed him as he grabbed it and stood up.

 

“Piece of shit…you're worthless now!”

 

He threw it against the wall as hard as he could. It bounced off and hit the floor, some of its corners dented. He turned his back on it but quickly turned back around. He stared at it, overcome with regret.

 

“Please don't be broken…” he whispered as he went and picked it up.

 

He opened the box and breathed a sigh of relief. He stood up and placed it back on the table.

 

Why am I acting like this?

 

He sat down on the couch again. He was surprised when he suddenly felt a burning in his eyes. Something was welling up inside him. It was a feeling that was so foreign to him. The emotion that came with it, however, was something that had been part of his life for as long as he could remember.

 

The feeling of eternal loneliness.

 

“Stop it,” he told himself.

 

He placed his thumb and index finger over his eyelids, keeping them shut. The burning was getting stronger.

 

“Stop it.”

 

After a few deep breaths, it went away. He opened his eyes and resumed his position, staring at the floor through his legs.

 

But is this really it? Is it all over?

 

Pin-Mei…

 

A horrible thought shot through his mind.

 

What if they break the engagement?

 

He suddenly felt like he had a large void where his heart was supposed to be. The burning came back. He felt sick. His fingers closed his eyes again. A few deep breaths weren't enough. It took almost five minutes this time. He finally folded his hands and rested his forehead on them.

 

“Please…Pin-Mei…Please…just give me one more chance. I know was always mean to you, and I made you cry a lot, and I did something inhuman, but please…just give me one more chance to do this right…”

 

As if to answer his plea, the doorbell rang. He looked up in disbelief.

 

“Pin-Mei?”

 

He got up and went to the door. Before opening it, he took a deep breath, hoping he hadn't been hearing things. Slowly, he turned the knob and opened the door. He hadn't imagined it.

 

Pin-Mei was waving goodbye to Yoh from over the railing. “Zan-kyu!” she said smiling. As she turned around, the smile faded until she and Ren were just staring at each other.

 

“Your eyes are red,” he whispered.

 

“Yours are too,” she whispered back.

 

Silence.

 

“Can I come in?” she asked.

 

He wanted to smile, but couldn't. “If you want to.”

 

She walked past him without looking at him. He found himself staring at the spot in which she had been standing. He finally snapped out of it and closed the door. She had by now taken off her jacket and was standing in the center of the room. Looked her up and down. She was wearing a black school girl outfit with a sweater over it, and black tights.

 

“You got new clothes.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

Silence. She rummaged through a grocery bag she had been carrying with her. He took a few steps toward her.

 

“Pin-Mei, listen, I—,”

 

“Please accept this!”

 

She had bowed her head and stretched her arms out in front of her, holding something in her hands.

 

Ren stopped and looked at her, not knowing what to make of this. Gingerly, he took the parcel from her hands. He placed the bag on the table and stuck his hand in. When the bag was empty, three bottles of milk were sitting on the table. His eyes widened when he saw the ring box near one of the bottles.

 

“Umm…I want to apologize for what happened today…how I reacted,” she said quietly.

 

Ren turned away from the milk, snatching the box and hiding it in his pocket. “No, what I did today was much worse. I shouldn't have—,”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“What?”

 

“Thank you for what you did, I mean it. If you hadn't done that…I…things would…be different.”

 

“I--,”

 

“Please, Niisama, let me finish.

 

“You saved me. You came for me. You risked your life for me, and it's not the first time. You're always protecting me. You do so much for me, and I haven't done anything for you.”

 

Ren turned away from her. “That's not true.”

 

“Yes it is. Even when you hated me, you took care of me. The only thing I can do for you is cook. Sometimes, I honestly think that I don't deserve you, that you're too good for me.”

 

“Urusse.,.” she heard him say. She didn't know what it meant.

 

“What?”

 

He turned around and walked toward her.

 

“Don't you dare say that,” he said in a dark voice. As he approached her, she took a few steps backward. “Don't say things that make you look like a fool.” A few more steps. “Why do you think I wanted you to be here with me?” A few more steps. “Why do you think I bought those clips for you?” A few more steps. “Why do you think I went after you?” A few more steps. “Why do you think I killed all those bastards?” A few more steps. “Why do you think my eyes are red?”

 

Her back hit the wall. She flinched as he slammed his palm against the wall to her right, then gently took her chin in his left, his thumb on top.

 

“Why, do you think, I'm going to do this?”

 

Before she could react, he tilted her chin up and leaned in to capture her lips in his.

 

She stood in disbelief for a moment, eyes wide open, before she accepted it and closed them, returning the kiss. Her legs suddenly felt weak and gave out, but he caught her and slowly guided her down the wall to rest on the floor. She managed to sit on her legs to prop herself up and lean into him more. He took his hand from the wall and put it behind her head, pulling her close to him as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

 

His tongue escaped from his mouth into hers, where it was accepted without hesitation. They gracefully glided off each other again and again, him teasing her and ultimately making her go after him.

 

When they finally broke their kiss, Ren kept his face near hers.

 

“Remember when I told you that even I get scared?” he whispered in her ear.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Today was the most scared I've been in a very long time.”

 

“Why?”

 

“When you were gone, I was scared I'd never find you. When you decided to let the men have you so that I would be spared, I was scared that I'd lose the goofy, happy girl who makes me smile. When I was sitting here alone, I was afraid you would never come back. I was afraid I'd lose you forever…I was afraid…that I'd never be able to show you how I feel about you.”

 

“But at least you did that, ne?” She smiled.

 

He studied her for a second, then smiled also. It was suddenly clear that Xu Zhang, Pin-Mei's father, had never given her “the talk”. A simple (painfully simple) explanation wouldn't hurt.

 

“Yeah, a little,” he said. “I want to talk to you about something. But first, let's get ready for bed.”

 

He took her hand and brought her into their room. She put on her purple silk nightgown and took out her braids while he went and put the milk in the refrigerator. He went back in when she was finished and took off his shirt, leaving his pants on so he could sleep in them. Taking her hand again, he led her to his bed and sat her down. She cocked her head as he joined her, sitting on her right.

 

“Niisama?”

 

He took her right hand in his left. Even with just the light from the moon, he could see her shyly looking at the floor, blushing. After a small smile, he looked serious again.

 

“There's another way that people show their affection for someone. It's much more serious than kissing. It's something that's important to think about before you do it, because once you've done it, you've given that person something that you'll never be able to get back. You have to be ready for it, or else you'll regret it.”

 

“So what happens?” She looked at him with genuine innocence.

 

“Um…” He hadn't really expected her to ask for details. He racked his brain for a suitable answer. Finally, he found one.

 

“The two people get into bed, get really close, and hug each other for a long time. For most people, it feels nice, and it makes them happy because they get to show that person how much they mean to them.

 

“But some people won't wait and they force someone to do it with them, even if they don't love them. That's what those men today wanted to do to you.”

 

Pin-Mei looked at their hands. “I knew about the forcing part,” she said quietly. “When I was younger, one of the women who spent most nights with my father told me that happened once to one of the other ladies, and that she wouldn't talk to anyone anymore. She just called it rape…but I didn't know what it was. All she told me was that it hurt her and made her cry.”

 

He looked to their hands and squeezed hers. So she had known what would happen, but she still chose to do it. A selfless act that would destroy her from the inside out. All for him. He'd hate her for it if he didn't care for her as much as he did.

 

Ren used his right hand to touch her cheek, which she leaned into. He seized the opportunity to move in and kiss her neck, causing her to shiver.

 

“Don't worry. I'll never let anyone take that from you until you're ready to give it yourself.”

 

“Niisama…”

 

He pulled back and looked into her eyes. “Call me Ren,” he said.

 

“Okay…Ren…”

 

He kissed her again before letting her go.

 

“It's getting late. We should go to bed.”

 

She nodded slowly. “Yeah…I guess…” She got up from the bed. “Good night.”

 

Ren watched her walk over to her bed and lift the covers a little. She put one knee on the bed to get in, but stopped. A moment later, she dropped the sheet altogether.

 

“What is it?” he asked.

 

She turned to face him slowly. “Um…Niisama?”

 

He was sitting with one leg off the bed and one folded Indian-style. His elbow rested on his knee, and his face rested on his fist. He tapped his fingers on the one hanging off.

 

“Forgive me, but I don't know who you're talking about,” he said, stone-faced.

 

“Um, Ren?”

 

He smirked. “Yes?”

 

“Can I sleep with you tonight?”

 

His shadowed figure hid a red face. After what he had told her tonight, this was awkward. As for Pin-Mei, the silence made her uneasy.

 

“I just…The last time I fell asleep, I was by myself. I…want to know that you're there.”

 

He gave her his soft-eyed smile and reached his right hand out to her. “Come here, you little pest.”

 

She smiled and walked over to place her hand in his. He gently pulled her onto the bed and they got under the covers. They got close to each other, and he wrapped his arm around her.

 

He kissed her one last time. “Aishiteru,” he whispered.

 

She blinked. “What's that mean?”

 

He smiled. “I'll tell you someday.”

 

She gave him a look to tell him he was a jerk, then he watched her as she quickly fell asleep, clinging to him with her head on his chest. When he knew she couldn't hear him, he stroked her hair and spoke to her.

 

“I'll tell you what it means. Aishiteru is Japanese for `wo ai ni'…

 

“I love you.”