Shaman King Fan Fiction ❯ A Gift of Love ❯ Her Feelings ( Chapter 52 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
I think this chapter is worth waiting for. It's nice and long, and loaded with fluff. Oh RenMei fluff, we missed you so.
One of my past ideas had been that in order to bring Ren back, Pin-Mei had to knowingly give up all her memories of him as a way of payment. Then I decided it would make the fic waaay too long to get all her memories back and scratched it. Plus, it was too Tsubasa-like.
Notes: The Chinese New Year lasts for fifteen days. The last day is also known as the Chinese Valentine's Day (to some, but not all).
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A Gift of Love - Chapter Fifty-Two: Her Feelings
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Slowly, Pin-Mei opened her eyes. A blurry picture quivered, then was finally brought into focus. She looked down at herself and the black oversized silk shirt she had on. Definitely not hers. After quickly scanning the room, her eyes fell to her right. They widened.
Her elbow was bent, her lower arm off the mattress. She noticed her bandaged wrists.
What did I do to myself?
She looked closer. Two hands were grasping hers almost desperately. She followed the hands to their wrists, then arms, then to the body of a young man, his face down against the mattress. Wisps of his navy blue hair fell across his arms, and his tongari gently leaned against her hand. His eyes could not be seen under his bangs, and his breathing told her that he was somewhere between slumber and the living world.
All she could do was stare. Her mind was trying to register the sight before her, but nothing was coming up. Sadly, she looked at the boy before her. “I'm sorry.” She felt her hand inadvertently squeeze the ones holding hers.
Instantly, his head snapped up, eyes wide awake and alert. He stared into her eyes, but she could only look back at his shocked expression in confusion. Before she could even think about speaking, Ren grabbed her and held her close to him, burying his head in the crook of her neck. Her eyes remained wide and oblivious.
“Pin-Mei…” he whispered.
How does he know my name?
“Your body's still cold, like it's always been…It's alright though, I don't mind…”
Always been?
“I've been worried, you know…”
No…I don't know…
“Part of me thought you weren't going to wake up…”
Why do you even care?
“But somehow I knew you would…”
Get…
He squeezed her tighter.
Get away…Stop touching me…
“Pin-Mei…”
I don't know you…So don't touch me!
She was about to push him away when she felt drops of water on her skin. Pin-Mei froze.
“Back there I was scared…no…I was so fucking terrified that I was going to lose you. You and your stupid selflessness…I should hate you for it…You make me a wreck when you do that.” Ren raised his head to show her the few tears that were falling from his eyes. She seemed confused at his show of emotion, but he acted as though nothing was wrong, trying not to look even weaker than he already did.
He looked at her bandaged wrists. “If you ever do anything like this again.” His eyes darted to her in an almost threatening glare. “I'll make you very sorry for it. I don't know what I'll do, but rest assured you won't like it. Don't scar yourself again, do you hear me?”
She just gave him a dumb stare, and he softened. He pulled her left arm to bring her closer to him and kissed her, putting his left hand on her back to keep her in place. For some reason, she allowed him to, not even attempting to fight his gentle touch. Even when his tongue pleaded entrance into her mouth, she permitted him to explore. When he released her, her eyes widened at the flow of tears falling down his cheeks.
Why is he so upset?
“Do you know what sort of hell I went through to get you back?” he asked her.
Another dumb stare.
“This month alone after being with you was so goddamn quiet that I couldn't concentrate for a single second. Some nights I couldn't even sleep. And it's your fault, you stupid brat.”
He took her left hand which bared the ring he had given her and held it. She looked at it as though she had never noticed the glistening diamonds on her finger. “Still though…I couldn't be mad at you right now if I tried…I…”
He looked into her eyes again. He had had enough of trying to act tough. There wasn't a reason to be. With a reunion such as this…there was no room for a protected heart, only one with no walls or gates to guard it, one to let out raw emotion at its fullest.
Ren buried his face in her chest. “I'm so happy that you're back here. With me. I can't even say how much it means to me…After watching you die…”
I…died?
“All I could think about was you and avenging your death and getting you back…But it consumed me, and I was taken away from this world. When I was given those few moments to come back, I had to spend them with you, and help you win the battle you were fighting. When they took me back and sent me to hell, I thought that was the end. I couldn't remember anything. But Hua…if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here.
“You're the only reason I needed to come back here. If you had died bringing me back, I'd just kill myself again. Life just isn't complete anymore without you. You've infected me, I'm addicted. The only thing that will make it better is to have more. Without that, I can't go on.”
She still made no move to hold or even touch him. Not a single word came out of her mouth. No emotion whatsoever. She was like a vegetable. Still, he had one more thing to say.
“Even if you never remember me, it doesn't change the fact that I remember everything about you. About us. I remember it all. I proposed to you on a beach in Tokyo on January 9th, 2002 at 9:48 PM. I could never forget a moment like that. You're my fiancée. In a few years you'll be my wife. And I love you more than anyone or anything in this world. Even milk. Memories or not, that will never change. Never. I promised you I'd always love you, and I'm going to keep that promise until my body turns to dust.”
Then it hit her like a bullet to the head. Everything flashed in her mind like a high speed slideshow. As it got to the end, tears began falling.
This person…This man is…
“You don't understand! He was my world! He was the only reason I wanted to live!”
…my world…the reason I'm alive…He's…He's…
She crumbled over and wrapped her arms around him.
“Ren…”
He looked up at her in awe. “Pin-Mei…?”
Her forehead came to rest on the top of his head. “How could I ever forget even for a moment?” she whispered. “It's…unforgivable…After all you've done for me…For me to forget you…I can't forgive myself for it. But I'm hoping that you can.”
Her tears dripped onto his cheeks as she took his face into her hands and kissed him. For the moment, she gave him no power, leaving him only able to take in the feeling of her lips against his. When she ended the kiss and slowly pulled away, she smiled at him sadly and wiped his eyes.
“No more crying, okay? It makes me nervous when someone as strong as you cries. It feels like something's really wrong.”
He smirked. “Remember, I'm older than you. You can't order me around.”
She smiled. “You're right. Sorry.”
They stared at each other. A solid month had passed since they had been able to enjoy each other's company. The moments in that dark basement couldn't possible count. It was the first time since that fateful night that they were able to look at the other one and know that they would be alright, that they were no danger whatsoever.
Her eyes welled up with tears once more as Ren straightened to her level. The sheets under her hands were balled up tightly as if she was trying to keep some emotions inside. Without warning, she leaped at him, knocking him over and sending both of them to the ground.
“Hey! What are you--,”
“I'm sorry!” she whimpered. “It's just…It's just…” But whatever she was going to say was lost as her voice quivered and she began sobbing shamelessly into his chest. He sat up and eventually smiled down at her, then wrapped his arms around her.
“Heh…Fine, cry all you want. This isn't my good shirt or anything.”
She sniffled. “M-Meanie…”
Suddenly, she was released and Ren flopped back down on the floor. Frantically, she sat up and shook him.
“Ren! Please say something!”
There was a chuckle.
“Don't worry, Milady. He's just exhausted.”
Pin-Mei looked to see Rong leaning against the doorframe. The guard smirked and left her post, making her way over to the now sleeping lord.
“How long was I sleeping?” the younger girl asked softly.
“Nearly a week,” Rong replied. “Your mother must have stabbed you harder than we thought.”
Pin-Mei looked down at the bandages around her midsection. When she tried to touch them, a sudden pain surged through her and she winced. Then she realized something. “Wait, why is he so exhausted?” she asked looking to the maidservant.
“He hasn't really slept since he came back to life,” she said, a small grin on her face. “The whole carriage ride home, he held you. He didn't sleep at all. He'd close his eyes for a while, but then open them at any sudden movement, like he was making sure nothing was coming after you.
“Once we got back here, he immediately took you up here, got his chair, and sat beside your bed holding your hand. He refused to move.”
“Milord, shouldn't you have something to eat?”
Nothing.
“Lord Ren?”
“No. I'm staying. Give the servants my share.”
“It was kinda weird seeing him suddenly worrying about us lower class folks. He did that for nearly two days. I didn't agree, but I let him carry on as he wished until about two days ago.”
“Okay, HoroHoro, hold him down!”
“What the…? HEY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BASTARDS DOING?!”
Rong finished tying him to the chair. Her accomplice grabbed the young scion's dinner and a utensil and readied himself.
“Okay, Ren! Open wide!”
“HELL NO! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!”
Rong slapped him. “Stop being such a spoiled brat! If you carry on like this, you're body's going to suffer, which would be a real shame considering all the work and effort you've put into it. Don't you want to look good for her when she wakes up?”
He glared at her. “Fine. But you're untying me. I don't need to be fed like an infant.”
“When it came time to change your bandages, he insisted on doing your wrists.”
Pin-Mei looked at the ace bandage that covered the slashed skin. She remembered the madness she had been feeling at that moment, the desperation to be with him again, to the point of forgetting the price that would be paid to bring him back. As she lowered her eyes, Rong grabbed one of her wrists.
“He'd take the bandage off, then stare at it for a while.” She imitated him. “His eyes would lower, and then…” She kissed the scarred skin. “…he'd kiss it, like it was going to make it better or something.” She released her master. “He'd turn away slightly when I changed the bandages from the wound Lady Hua inflicted on you. He seemed as though he'd feel guilty if he looked. It was quite something.”
Rong took Ren's body and tucked it into bed. “He never left your side, Pin-Mei. No matter who tried to disturb him, here he stayed.” She sat in his chair and stared straight ahead of her. “Just like this. Doing nothing but staring. Part of me wonders what he was thinking about.” She smiled a little. “But it was about you, I know that much. He'd smile or let out a chuckle every once in a while, like he was thinking about the times you'd spent together.”
Pin-Mei was still staring at the sleeping boy, looking as though she was about to cry. Rong stood and put her hand on her shoulder.
“He loves you. And you're never going to find another guy like him, I can assure you,” she said. “He acts tough and protective, but he still shows when he needs you. Take good care of him, Lady Pin-Mei. Something tells me that with the war-torn life he's lived, he needs it.”
Pin-Mei nodded as she used her palm to wipe away the tears that had formed in her eyes. She took a deep breath. “I…I just feel like this is all my fault…”
Rong looked at her quizzically. “Why is that?”
“If I…” she sniffled. “If I had been stronger, I wouldn't have been cursed, and I wouldn't have made him kill himself for me…It's all my fault Rong…It's all my fault!”
Rong sighed, then put on her best Ren face and dropped her voice an octave. “Don't say stupid things.” She chuckled as the girl cocked her head at her. “That's what he would say, right? It's not your fault. That would be like blaming Lady Hua for marrying someone with no shamanic powers. Love is love. Things are going to happen to you as you walk through life. Good things…bad things…But you two will be there for each other, and it will make the bad things more bearable. I'd say if anything else, this will bring the both of you closer. The both of you now know what it's like to lose the other one, and with something like that hanging over you, you're going to make the best out of everything without even knowing it. So there is some good that will come out of this. He doesn't blame you, I know he doesn't, so don't blame yourself, okay?”
Pin-Mei nodded silently, still looking at her beloved. She stroked his cheek, catching a tear before it could fall on his face. Her eyes widened slightly as her eyes trailed from his head downward
“It seems like you're awake.”
The two girls turned to see Anna in the doorway.
“Good, because I want dinner, and one of you has to make it happen. So get to it.”
The maidservant frowned. “You don't need us for that. Go away. Lady Pin-Mei is having some private time with Lord Ren.”
“I suppose having you in here makes it `private'?” the itako retorted. Rong tossed her head at being shot down.
“It's alright Rong…” the Lady whispered. “There's…um…something I want to…um…talk to Anna about anyways…”
The three women left the room searching for better privacy.
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About a day later, when Ren finally opened his eyes, Pin-Mei was right there waiting for him, smiling.
She giggled. “I guess this means I have to go to sleep now because we can't be up at the same time.”
He stared at her. She had probably the oddest sense of humor…next to that blue-haired freak that is. Still, he smiled.
“No, you can stay awake.” He reached out and took her into his arms. “I'm just glad that you're back here with me.”
She smiled and nuzzled her head into his shoulder. As she looked over it, she squinted at a calendar on the wall. The days up until February 27th were crossed out.
“KYAAAAAAAAAA!!”
“OW!! WHAT??”
She pushed away from him as he covered his ears and ran to grab the calendar, then jumped onto the bed and shoved it in his face.
“IS THIS RIGHT?!”
He blinked as he removed his hands from his ears and examined it. Then he looked to his clock which aptly told him the date. “Yeah, it's the 27th. Why?”
“DO YOU SEE THIS DATE??” She pointed to the 12th.
“What the hell is your…” He stopped. The date was circled in red and “NEW YEAR” was written three times in the small box. His eyes widened. He grabbed the calendar. “What the fuck is this about?”
“New Year's is over! We missed it!” Pin-Mei cried. She paced the room. “How could this happen?! The New Year celebration is my favorite holiday! I MISSED IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!” She fell to the ground in comic despair.
Ren went and patted her on the head. “It's alright. It's just New Year's. No big deal.”
She shot him a glare. “JUST New Year's? ARE YOU CHINESE OR NOT?!”
He frowned at her. “If you're going to insult me then leave. I want to put on some clean clothes.”
He was telling her to leave? “Ren…”
“I said get out.”
“But Ren--!”
“Don't. Make me. Repeat. Myself. Out. Now.” He pointed at the door.
With the look of a hurt puppy, she obeyed and left, giving him many backwards glances as she closed the door. Bewildered, she walked briskly down the hall, passing Rong on the way.
“Closer my hide,” she said in a choked whisper.
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“Milady, it's dinner time.”
“I'm not going.”
“Why not?”
“Ren hates me.”
“Why do I find this extremely hard to believe?”
“He told me to leave.”
“The castle?”
“His room.”
Rong sighed. “You're too sensitive sometimes. He just woke up, he was probably cranky. Come on, let's go.”
She threw Pin-Mei over her shoulder and walked to the banquet hall. When she set her down, she was next to Ren at the head of the table. Pin-Mei turned her head so her hair masked her face, not wanting to look at him. He sighed and took her head in his hands and turned it. She looked down the table at the meal plates before her.
“Tangyuan…Zong zi…Man tou…Meat dumplings…” Her eyes widened. “But this is…New Year's food…”
Ren smirked. “You really thought I'd forget that tonight's the last night? For it being your favorite holiday, you sure forget the details.”
But his fiancée was busy clapping her hands with delight as she gazed at the dishes before her. He smiled.
“Which reminds me, I forgot something. I'll be right back.” He got up and left. She stared after him quizzically, then looked back to see Manta rolling a large television screen to the center of the room.
“What's that for?” she asked.
Manta grinned. “It's New Year's, so you know what that means…”
“SHAMAN FIGHT VIDEO!!” the Japanese boys cried.
Pin-Mei blinked and cocked her head. “What's a video?”
The midget cleared his throat. “Actually, it isn't a video anymore. With the new technology in Japan, I've got it all on DVD!” He held up the circular disc.
Silence.
“So can you throw that?”
“NO! YOU CAN'T!” He slipped the DVD in the player and turned it on.
She leaned over to Yoh. “What is this?”
“It's a video of what happened three years ago during the Shaman Fights,” he explained. “There are some parts I think you'll really like…”
She made a small sound of confusion, but then he nudged her.
“Look.”
Pin-Mei turned to the screen, and her eyes widened.
A thirteen year-old Ren was fighting Yoh in the final preliminaries of the Shaman Fight, dressed as she had seen him in her dream. The group chuckled as she skittered to be as close to the screen as possible, having to look straight up to see anything. Rong ran up and pulled her a few feet backwards so she could watch the fight without hurting her eyes or neck. She didn't seem to notice as she was mesmerized by the moving picture in front of her.
Ren finally returned. “Okay, since you whined, I went out and got you something…”
No one was at the table. He looked up and saw the television - and himself. He dropped the bag he had, then remembered its contents and swiftly grabbed it before it hit the floor, gently setting it down. Finally, he turned his attention to the horrid technology before him.
“What the hell is this?!” he yelled.
Everyone sans Pin-Mei turned to look at him. She was still transfixed on the image on the screen.
“Oh hey Ren!” Yoh called raising his hand. “We're just watching the Shaman Fights. It's our tradition to watch it on New Year's, remember?”
Ren clenched his fist. This was true. However, now he had someone there that he was a little self-conscious about letting see his past behavior.
“Don't taint her mind with your blasted Japanese technology! Turn it off - NOW!!”
Yoh scratched his head. “Sure but…” He looked behind him. “She really seems to be enjoying it.”
Ren looked past them to stare at her back. She leaned toward the television, her expression was similar to that of a little boy watching Batman cartoons. She was silently cheering on her hero, ever confident that he would prevail.
Yoh grinned at him. “Do you really want to take that away from her?”
After more staring, Ren grumbled and went to sit behind her. He watched her slight movements until she made a small squeal.
The two fighters had dealt one last blow to the other and were now standing on opposite sides of the battlefield. Pin-Mei watched eagerly to see who the victor was. As the last of Ren's furyoku faded away, she gasped.
“EHHHH? NO WAY!!”
Yoh laughed. “She really seems dismayed about Ren losing.”
She listened as Ren began his speech about his inability to cut the wind, her shoulders drooping. “No way…” The serious words seemed to flow over her head as she seemingly paid them no mind.
The rest of the group, however, didn't miss a beat in pointing out the cheesiness of his actions.
“No one can cut the wind,” Rong said in her Ren voice.
“I feel lighter,” Manta said.
“Asakura Yoh, it's painful to say, but you are the winner,” Amidamaru mocked.
As they laughed, Ren could feel himself and his pride shrinking. It had sounded so good in his head…
An uneasy sound came from him, and Pin-Mei finally turned her head. She saw the dejected look on his face and the laughing boys behind him, then put the two of them together.
“Siu meh ah baht Po? Sow deh lar!” she yelled turning around for a brief moment.
The laughing stopped. The Japanese boys just stared at her, as did Rong and Ren.
“Yoh, what did she say?” HoroHoro whispered.
“I don't know…That was Cantonese. Ren only taught me Mandarin.”
Rong stared at the couple. “Lady Pin-Mei…”
Pin-Mei suddenly seemed to realize what she had said and looked at the ground. Slowly, she turned back around. “Sorry…”
Ren still couldn't believe what she had said. Usually, he wouldn't have welcomed an outburst like that in his defense, but with her…it was almost cute, if that word was even in his vocabulary. He half-smiled and went to sit beside her. Then he discreetly took her hand and held it.
“Thanks,” he whispered in her ear. “But no more swearing, alright?”
Her face went completely red and she nodded sheepishly. He kissed her forehead and they continued watching the video.
“Rong,” the Ainu whispered. “What did she say?”
Rong ignored him and smiled softly as she watched Ren put his arm around his defender.
“What are you laughing at, bitches? Shut the fuck up!”