Shaman King Fan Fiction ❯ Within The Darkness ❯ Some Things You Lose, And Some Things You Just Give Away ( Chapter 4 )

 

 

 

 

Helios is forlorn and can't go on living

 

Flowing from my eyes, those are tears, I suppose

 

 

 

Ku Li was completely hysterical when she read Bason's note. She didn't know what to do now. She decided that she had to tell Kwan Yin. With tears streaming down her face, Ku Li ran through the still dark woods to Kwan Yin's house. Ku Li ran into Kwan Yin's house; she was still sound asleep. “Kwan Yin!” Ku Li yelled. Kwan Yin moaned and rolled on her side. “Kwan Yin! Wake up!” Ku Li yelled again, shaking Kwan Yin violently. Kwan Yin waved her arms around and sat up.

 

“What, what? I'm up!” Kwan Yin said, frustrated. She saw Ku Li. “What's wrong?” Ku Li tried to tell Kwan Yin what was wrong, but she couldn't speak. She was so upset, that no words would come out.

 

“It's… it's Bason…” she stammered. “He's…” she sniffed, “he's going to…”

 

“What? What's wrong?” Kwan Yin asked, now very concerned. Ku Li was having a breakdown and couldn't even talk. Ku Li handed Kwan Yin a piece of paper. Kwan Yin read the note, and thought she was going to have a heart attack. “No! This isn't true! Is this some kind of sick joke?” Kwan Yin couldn't believe what she was reading. Bason would never try to kill himself.

 

“He's gone,” Ku Li managed to say. “He's not here. We have… to find him.” Kwan Yin immediately jumped out of bed and changed out of her pajamas and into her regular clothes.

 

“He's going to Lake Qin, right?” said Kwan Yin. Ku Li nodded. “Follow me, I know a shortcut.” Ku Li followed Kwan Yin as she took her through the woods and into the Holy Meadow. They could both feel the adrenaline coursing through their bodies; they had never run so fast in their lives. Kwan Yin was leading Ku Li to the warp that led to Tao's River. As they ran through the Holy Meadow, Ku Li prayed that Bason wouldn't kill himself. She knew he was still alive, but for how much longer?

 

 

 

Bason was sitting on one of the many rocks on Lake Qin's shore. This particular rock had a nice seating position facing east, and was right next to the six hundred foot depth of the lake. The perfect place to drown. He dangled his legs over the edge, watching the coming sunrise. What a beautiful way to end it all. He would watch one last sunrise, and then he would drown.

 

Bason couldn't stand to live anymore. He didn't deserve to live. What if his next violent outbust was against Kwan Yin? Or Ku Li? He couldn't let himself hurt Ku Li, the girl he loved so much. What was the point of loving her, anyways? She didn't love him back. Sure, she said that she loved him, but he didn't feel it. Bason was giving his whole heart to her, but she didn't give him anything back. What was the point of living if the only thing that mattered to you didn't care? No, I don't deserve Ku Li. She deserves someone better. Why would she want to be with someone like me? She doesn't want to be with a failure like me. She's too good for me; I'm not worthy to be with her.

 

That's right, the voice said. You're not good enough for her. What did I tell you before? I told you that you wouldn't amount to anything. I told you that you were a failure. I offered you the chance to have anything you could ever dream of, the chance to be somebody. But you refused. Now look at you. You're worthless. You tried to be someone, but you failed. Just like everything else you've ever tried. And to think, you thought you were good enough for Ku Li. Why would she want to be with someone like you? A lady, who will someday become famous, wouldn't want to be with a worthless runt like you. Can't you see that she doesn't really love you? You've given all your heart to her, and what has she given you back? Nothing. Some empathetic connection you have. She can feel your emotions, but can you feel hers? Of course not. She doesn't want you. If she loved you, she would let you know how she feels. But she doesn't love you. That's why you can't feel her emotions. Now you're going to end it all, you'll enter the sweet embrace of death. You're not meant to live in this world. No one wants you here. Everyone is a lot better off without you burdening him or her.

 

The voice was right. Bason didn't need to be here. He had no reason to live in this world. He gazed at the horizon. It glowed with beautiful shades of magenta, yellow, and light blue. A tiny portion of the Sun peeked over the horizon. This would be a beautiful sunrise. This was the first time that Bason had actually sat and watched one. He should've done this before. It was so beautiful. Oh well, it would all be over now.

 

The glowing yellow orb that was the Sun was fully visible now. The Sun had risen. It was time. Bason stood up and looked over the edge of the shore. It was a long way down, six hundred feet. At least it wouldn't hurt when he hit the bottom. Bason looked at the spectacular view from the lake's scenery. At least his last moments of life would be peaceful and serene. He would count to a hundred. Then he would jump. Yes, he needed to have a countdown. He gazed at the water, like a child fascinated by a puddle's reflection. His broken arm hurt unbelievably. It didn't matter; the pain would be gone soon. Bason took one last look at the sunrise, and closed his eyes. One… two… three…

 

 

 

Ku Li followed the river as fast as she could. She looked behind her and saw Kwan Yin sitting on the ground; Kwan Yin couldn't go any further. But Ku Li didn't care about Kwan Yin; she had to find Bason. She knew where he was; she could feel him. They had decided that the eastern face of Lake Qin would be the most likely place Bason would go. It was right next to the center of the lake, the perfect place to jump. The southern side of the lake was not deep at all, making this place easily accessible. Ku Li knew Bason was here, but she didn't have much time. Ku Li could feel that Bason was eerily calm; she needed to hurry.

 

Ku Li was almost at the center of the lake. She ran faster, tripping over rocks while she did so. Her knees and ankles were bruised and bloody from being scraped on rocks. Her hands were scraped, gashed, and bleeding from falling onto sharp rocks. On the way over, one of Ku Li's shoes had fallen off, and she decided to remove the other one too. Her feet ached from walking on bare rocks. She was almost there. She felt an intense pain in her right foot as she stepped on a razor-sharp rock. It was lodged in the arch of her foot; the pain was almost unbearable; but she kept going. The grassy platform was near. Just a few more steps. When Ku Li was half way across the bridge, she saw Bason. He was standing up with his face towards the water. He looked as if he were about to dive. Ninety-six… ninety-seven… ninety-eight… ninety-nine…

 

“Stop!” Ku Li yelled, running towards Bason. “Don't jump!” He turned around and saw Ku Li running towards him. In the blink of an eye, she tackled him and pinned him on the beginning of the bridge. “Please don't jump,” she cried, tears flowing from her sparkling eyes. Bason had never seen that look in her face before. “I love you. Don't jump. Don't listen to him. I need you here. I can't live without you. I'm sorry if I didn't let you know that I loved you. But you know now. Feel it. Know it.”

 

Bason pushed Ku Li away and stood up. “Why are you here?” he shouted. “You weren't supposed to come until after I was gone. You don't need to be here. I don't want you to see this. Why do you even care? I'm nothing! And I'll never be anything! You deserve better than me!”

 

“No!” Ku Li said. “You are the one I deserve, you are the one I love. You're the only one that matters to me anymore. Don't take that away from me,” she pleaded. “Don't leave me alone. I need you… and you need me. Please… I'll die without you.” Bason turned his back on Ku Li. Lies. They were all lies. But Bason still loved her. Bason couldn't let her watch him die. He would have to do it somewhere else. He had to run away from her.

 

Bason ran towards the same bridge he crossed. He would have to kill himself somewhere else. He ran across the bridge. Then a rock slipped. His feet slipped out from under him and he began to roll into the water, déjà vu. He held his breath for a few seconds until water started to fill his lungs. The pressure of the water impacted on his body; he felt his body sinking. The pain in his chest was tremendous, and he could feel air trying to last in his lungs. It wasn't exactly self-inflicted, but it would have to do. He felt tired. The underwater world was spinning. Yes, it would be over in a few seconds. As his vision blurred, he saw Ku Li running across the bridge. He didn't want her to see him die. But it looked like that was the way it would be. It was her fault if she knew this. Bason couldn't feel his body anymore; everything was numb. Then the darkness came as he fell into the sweet embrace of death; it was over.

 

Ku Li ran to the shore and knelt by the water. She looked at the ripples on the surface. Her head was leaning over the water, with brown hair dangling over her face. She leaned over to touch the water's surface. “I love you,” she said. “Please don't leave me.” Ku Li's hair flopped loosely as she embraced herself. Her eyes were closed, and she was breathing slowly. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear; she couldn't hear anything. He can't be dead. This isn't supposed to happen. I love him. She held herself again, and prayed that he would come back. Then Ku Li cried out as loud as she could, so the whole world could hear her, her scream echoing through the air.

 

 

 

Bason was standing in some kind of open space. It was all black here, everywhere. It was like an out-of-body experience; only his body was here also. He heard footsteps echoing behind him. He turned to see a tall figure cloaked in brown. The figure slowly approached, his face shadowed by a hood. As the figure grew closer, the face came into view. It was a boy, with cold magenta eyes and a disturbing smile. He looked like Bason. “Well done,” said the boy in a high, creepy-sounding voice. “I didn't think you would do it. But I guess I'm more powerful than you thought. I have to say, I couldn't have done it without your help.” Bason knew what the boy was talking about, his temper. His low tolerance. Bason could think clearly now. He knew this wasn't right. This was wrong. He wasn't supposed to be here.

 

“Who are you?” Bason said.

 

“I am you,” the boy answered. “More specifically, I'm the evil you. I'm your dark side.”

 

Bason got a defensive look on his face. The boy cackled.

 

“Oh, come now. No need to treat me like a stranger. I've been with you all your life, since you were born. You locked me away for so long. I thought I would never get out. I couldn't without your help. I sat in that cold prison inside your soul, waiting for your guard to come down. Now it has finally happened. It's so much better this way; you should've let me take over long ago. We're quite alike, you and I.”

 

“No! I'm nothing like you!” Bason shouted.

 

“Don't be so naïve. You wanted me to come out. You just needed some enforcement. You just had to wait until you fought in that war. There's no turning back now. Embrace your dark side; come with me. You can spend eternity with me.”

 

“I don't want to spend eternity with you! I won't let you take me to the Underworld!”

 

“It's a little late for that,” the boy cackled. “You're gone now. Don't you know? You're dead. Don't reject your dark side; embrace it. It's so much better here. Forget about the world of the living, you have no place there. It's too late to change your mind, follow the path you have chosen… come.”

 

“No! No, no, no, no, no, no!!” Bason screamed. With an astounded look on his face, the boy disappeared.

 

Bason was somewhere else now. It looked the same, but it felt different. Out of the blackness, he saw figures of people materialize from the air. He didn't know them at all, but the faces seemed like they knew him. It was peaceful here; he wanted to stay. An old man approached Bason. He had dark green hair and purple eyes; the others around them bore a striking resemblance to the man. “It's okay,” the man said. “You're safe here… Bason.”

 

A look of start formed in Bason's face. “Tao…” he whispered. He smiled at him. Bason opened his mouth to speak, but he held a hand up to silence him.

 

“Shhh,” he said. “Don't worry. We're not here to punish you; we're here to save you. We are inviting you to be a family guardian.” The people that gathered around vanished suddenly, leaving only Bason and the man. “I have prophesized that a descendent of mine would have you as a ghost partner. I have foretold that you will help him become the Shaman King. I am here to take you in the Tao family, to keep you on Earth. When Tao Ren is born, you will become his guardian ghost. He will be your master. You will help him slay his enemies and anyone else who oppose him. You will protect him from any danger, as he will to you. Ren may seem evil when he is born, but in time he will become a good person. You will see what I mean when he is born, thousands of years from now.”

 

“Thousands… of years from now?” Bason said. The man nodded. “But that's too long… I will surely cross over.”

 

“That won't necessarily be the case. You will be a guardian ghost. You will not cross over unless your master says so.” He looked into Bason's eyes and got a serious expression on his face. “You and Ren will make this family proud, but you can not allow any who will oppose Ren to dominate him. You've accomplished so much in your life, and you will make sure Ren does the same. That's all you have to do. You just rejected your dark side, and by doing so, you have purified your soul. You have proven yourself to be a shaman's guardian. All you had to do was say `no.'”

 

“I want to stay here,” Bason said. It was so peaceful here.

 

“I know. It's beautiful here, but you have to come to the Tao mansion. You have something better to come there.” The blackness vanished, and they were standing in a beautiful city. There were buildings and people everywhere. He felt at home here… more than he had anywhere else. “This is where you will reside now,” the man continued. “You know what this is.”

 

“It's… the Tao mansion,” Bason said. He could see it in front of him. He knew it was his home now, he could feel that he would be welcomed here.

 

“It's your home, where you will stay. You can leave with Ren if he decides to move in the future. This is what you wanted, this is what you always wanted.”

 

“I do want this, but it's so sudden. I used to live in the woods with Kwan Yin and Chu Jung and the others… how will I get used to this?”

 

“You will with time,” the man said. “There is no mistake, you do belong here with the shamanic Tao family. You will be given to Tao Ren when the time comes, but don't reject him. Stay with him, Bason. He'll die without you. You have so much ahead of you. You will guard a future Shaman King. Listen to me; this is the decision you have to make. It's the right choice you have, if you do not want to cross over. Please, stay here. It's time you do so.” The man turned around and walked in the mansion along with Bason.

 

 

 

Ku Li held her body tight, her head covered with her brown hair. She was crying, crying more than she ever had in her life. Ku Li's eyes opened and she gasped loudly. Air, she needed air. She took a deep breath, and saw her reflection in the lake. Her face was streaked with tears, and her eyes were focused on her reflection. Her face glowed with sadness. She embraced herself. “You're dead!” she said with tears of despair. “I didn't want to lose you.” Her head was hung again, her words muffled by her hair. “You were the only thing that mattered to me. I loved you, and you leave me alone. I'm sorry I never let you felt that I loved you. I wish you could feel it now. I'm sorry,” she cried. “I loved you more than anything.”

 

“I know,” Ku Li whispered. “I know that now. I'm the one who should apologize, I was wrong to do what I did. But… I had no control. I couldn't help it.”

 

“It's okay now,” Ku Li said. Ku Li looked down at her foot. She saw the rock lodged in the arch of her foot, with blood oozing around it.

 

“I'm hurt!” she said. She didn't even notice her injury before; she was too worried about Bason. “My foot will be fine.” She removed the rock from her foot.

 

Ku Li wondered where her shoes went. She couldn't walk barefoot. “I should get out of here, I don't like this place.” Ku Li stood up, grimaced, and held her head.

 

“I'll be fine,” Ku Li insisted. She tried to get up again and felt dizzy. The world spun in circles, and Ku Li passed out and fell onto the ground. She was still breathing, but she needed some sleep.

 

 

 

Ku Li awoke and looked at her surroundings. She was at the lake, on the grass. “I'm awake,” Ku Li said. Kwan Yin walked over and peered at Ku Li. Now she was hovering over her. Ku Li tried to sit up, but the pain and dizziness pushed her back down. “I'm not going anywhere,” Ku Li said.

 

“I got a really bad headache,” said Ku Li. That was an understatement. Her head hurt like hell. It felt like her head hit a rock when she passed out. Ku Li couldn't move her head without igniting a wave of pain.

 

“Why did you watch Bason kill himself?” asked Kwan Yin.

 

“I don't know. I let my brain make my decision. It was the wrong decision. I feel like I'll never forget it, that I'll be traumatized by it. I saw… I saw his face. He was in pain. He wanted to live, but now it's too late. I wanted him to feel my love for him. I didn't want him to leave me. I can't be left alone.”

 

Ku Li closed her eyes. For the first time in her life, she was scared. She no longer had her sanity, and never wanted to be left alone. She wanted to relax with Kwan Yin; there weren't any worries with her, nor was there any pain.