Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ A Slayers Fairytale ❯ A quest... ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Nope, they're not mine. I'm just borrowing them. Don't worry, I'll return them when I'm done. ^_^

"Not so long ago, in a galaxy only a short distance away, there was a very pessimistic prince named Zelgadis."

There was a strange whistling followed by a rather loud `thunk' as Zelgadis Graywords fell from the sky and landed flat on his face. He stood up and looked around him, then started screaming as he realized where he was.

"Prince Zelgadis ruled over a beautiful kingdom…" continued the disembodied voice.

There were several more loud noises as cardboard scenery began to fall around Zel.

"…Full of happy subjects who loved him very much."

Several cardboard people crashed to earth.

"But the prince had an evil twin named Gourry…"

Down came Gourry.

"…And Prince Gourry wanted to be king more than anything else."

"I do?"

"Yes, you do."

"Oh, okay then."

"One day, the queen…"

Enter Lina.

"OW!"

"…Decided to hold a contest to decide which of the princes would become the next king."

"Finally! A role fitting of my beauty!! Soooo?"

"What?"

"Don't I get a handsome king?"

"Fine, fine, you can have a king."

Lina looked around expectantly with gleaming eyes as a figure came plummeting down from the sky. Her jaw literally dropped as she realized that it was Prince Philoniel who was lying comatose on the ground.

"At least Amelia and Xellos aren't here…"

"Thanks for reminding me! I almost forgot about them."

Down came Amelia and Xellos.

"Why did I have to open my big mouth?" muttered Lina under her breath.

"Why is Mister Zelgadis screaming? And why is daddy lying on the ground? This isn't another fanfiction, is it?" asked Amelia, rubbing her head.

"I don't know, I don't care, I'm leaving." This remark came from Lina, who was standing next to a cardboard tree and looking for something. "There has to be a way out of here! A hidden panel, a secret door, something!"

Xellos glanced about knowingly (w/out opening his eyes, of course ^_^) before smirking at the sorceress. "'Fraid not, Lina-chan."

"And I suppose you're not going to tell us why, huh?" she replied coldly.

The Mazoku looked over at the redhead, pretending to be stunned. "Why Lina-chan, however could you be so cruel? For that, I won't tell you the way out!" With that remark, Xellos teleported away.

Gourry, as thickheaded as ever, looked over at Lina with sad puppy-dog eyes. "Aww, Lina, you hurt his feelings."

"Shut up, Gourry," she said, hitting him on the head before returning to her search.

"Don't worry, Mister Zelgadis. I'm sure this won't be as bad as the last one, so you can stop crying," said Amelia, who was trying in vain to console the now sobbing Zelgadis.

The disembodied voice, growing agitated with the characters' antics, decided to continue on. "In order to decide who would become the next king, the queen decided to hold a contest."

"Do I at least get to decide what kind of contest it is?" asked Lina, looking hopeful.

The voice paused a moment, apparently pondering the proposal, before answering. "Sure, whatever."

"Oh, goody!" she squealed. "Whoever brings me back the most expensive and beautiful jewel wins!!"

Amelia glared angrily at the redheaded sorceress. "Isn't that abusing your powers, Miss Lina?"

"Of course not! I'm the queen, so I can do whatever I want," Lina declared, returning Amelia's glare full-force. "Gourry, Zel, go get me some jewels!!"

"Yeah!" Gourry shouted. He looked around blankly for a couple seconds, then looked back at Lina. "What am I supposed to be doing again?"

"Gourry, go find a shiny rock and bring it back to me," replied Lina, trying to explain it as simply as possible.

Gourry turned around with a corny smile plastered on his face and wandered off, muttering "Shiny rock, shiny rock, shiny rock" and staring at the ground.

Meanwhile, Zelgadis was wholeheartedly beating his head against the ground; unfortunately, being as his head is so hard, all he succeeded in doing was creating a rather large dent.

Amelia grabbed onto the back of his shirt and began to drag him (extremely slowly) towards the cardboard forest.

"And so the two princes set off on their separate journey, neither of them to return without a jewel."

"Um…Lina? What was I supposed to be doing again?"

Lina walked up to the blond swordsman and started to strangle him.

Amelia and Zelgadis (who was seemingly recovered) were walking along the painted-on path that ran through the `forest'. Amelia was whistling happily and Zelgadis was glaring at nothing in particular. Suddenly, Zelgadis blanched and fell over, holding his head and crying out as if in pain.

"Uh…Are you okay, Mister Zelga-"

Amelia was cut off by Zel's shout of, "I LOVE YOU, AMELIA!"

Amelia, however, appeared unfazed by this sudden confession. As Zelgadis got up and started stumbling towards her with outstretched arms, she simply pulled a bucket of water out of…er… somewhere horribly convenient and dumped it over his head.

"Th-thanks," he stuttered, shivering. "Stupid fan fic writers. Why do they always do stuff like that?"

"We may never know… Come on, let's keep looking."

Meanwhile…

"Shiny rock, shiny rock, shiny rock, shiny rock, shiny ro-OW!"

Gourry looked around to see what he had tripped on, and realized that it was a diamond of enormous proportions. Well, he didn't actually realize that it was a diamond, just that it was a large shiny rock.

Zelgadis and Amelia were walking through the `forest'…still. They had been walking for hours, but all they had seen was cardboard trees and a few cardboard animals. Amelia had gone through eight hours straight of her random babbling already, and was beginning to lose her voice. In Zel's point of view, however, that was a very good thing; her constant banter had already gotten him closer than he would have liked to the brink of total insanity.

"…And then he asked me what I would like for my birthday. I told him I would like nothing but to give Justice to all the people in the world. Then everyone started staring at me funny so I walked out. Then the next day my daddy came in and started telling me about the ceremony. He kept talking and talking and talking, but I didn't really care so I pretended to fall asleep," the princess croaked happily. "The he went away, but he came back a minute later and gave me a puppy. I named the puppy Zel-chan and dyed it blue so it would always remind me of you."

"You named a dog after me?"

"Yep!"

"Then dyed it blue?"

"Yep!"

Zelgadis blinked and looked over at the girl walking beside him, wondering if whether he should be flattered or really, really, scared. He opted for scared.

Just then, Amelia spotted something that had previously been hidden from view by a particularly dense area of `trees'. "Is that a cardboard house?"

"It would appear so."

The two approached the house. Zelgadis was wondering what else could possibly go wrong today while Amelia was thinking about, well, pudding.

Zelgadis walked up to the door and pounded his fist against it, accidentally causing the door to fall off of its cardboard hinges and fall forward into the room. They peered into the dark void within.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" The disembodied voice broke off suddenly and launched into a coughing fit. *Cough cough cough cough HACK!*

"Um…are you okay?" asked Amelia.

"Sore wa himitsu desu." These words were accompanied by a flash of blinding light. After Zel could see again, he found himself in sitting in a garden (actually not made entirely of cardboard) with Xellos hanging around his neck. Amelia, of course, had disappeared.

"Xellos, what the *beep* do you think you're doing?"

"Why, what do you think I'm doing, Zel-chan?"

"First of all, don't call me Zel-chan," said Zelgadis, glaring down at Xellos who seemed to be toying with a lock of Zel's wiry hair. "Second, GET OFF OF ME!!" Zel punctuated this statement by standing up, effectively throwing Xellos off of his lap.

"Aww, you're no fun Zel-chan. But I know what to do!" With that happy statement, Xellos teleported away.

"Why me?" sulked Zelgadis. He sat back down, scowling at nothing in particular.

A moment later Xellos reappeared in Zel's lap, something cupped in his hands. "I have a present for you!" he taunted, opening his hands to reveal a glittering black orb.

Zelgadis reached towards the strange object, mesmerized by its beauty. It was, indeed, very beautiful; it seemed almost to emit a dark light, yet at the same time sparkle so brightly that it dazzled the eye. But just as Zel's fingers touched the strangely warm surface, Xellos pulled it out of his grasp.

"Tisk, tisk. You can have this, but only for a price."

"What's the price?" queried Zelgadis, still gazing at the jewel.

"Sore wa himitsu desu!"

"That is so very helpful," Zel commented sarcastically.

"I try." ^_^

A little before this…

"Um…where did Mister Zelgadis go?"

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Amelia clasped her hands over her ears as the seagull-like laughter rang out.

"I am Naga, the queen's evil twin sister (i likes bending reality ^_^), here to slay Prince Zelgadis!"

"Um…Naga, is it?"

Naga nodded.

"You're looking for Mister Zelgadis, ne?"

She nodded again.

"Would you by any chance know where he is?"

"Um…no."

"Well then, since we're both looking for him, let's look together!" Amelia suggested happily.

"OHOHOHOHOHO!" Amelia flinched at the sound of Naga's laugh. "I will kill Zelgadis yet!" Naga cried.

The two walked off into the `forest' to look for the missing chimera.

"Somehow I doubt that all the gold in the world would be worth anything you could come up with," Zelgadis said, scowling.

"Silly Zel-chan. This jewel," Xellos said, tossing said jewel like a play thing, "is worth far more than that."

"How much is it worth?"

"Sore wa himitsu desu."

"Can you even tell me what it is?"

"Sore wa himitsu desu."

"Are you going to give it to me?"

"Not unless you marry me."

"WHAT?!"

To be continued…once I get around to it. -__-

Heh heh, I guess the entire point of this fan fic is to torture Zelgadis. I like doing that. He's so very torturable. That's not even a word. Please excuse the fact that they kinda get out of character…that's just because I'm lazy (plus it's more fun that way). Please excuse me now, I'm going to go read some more fan fictions…and drift farther… into… insanity… happy… blissful… insanity… monkeys… banana pudding… ^_^