Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Detour ❯ Chapter Seventeen ( Chapter 17 )

Detour

 

by Rose Thorne

 

Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren't me. I'm borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

 

 

Chapter Seventeen

 

Despite Lina's initial misgivings, Zel seemed fine. He'd been able to handle spells easily against bandits and a band of trolls they'd run into. At first she'd set a light pace, but it became clear that he was restless and she figured they all would benefit from getting to Seyruun as soon as possible.

 

Even with the increase in pace, they were held up by another winter storm, stuck in an abandoned one-room cabin for days. Despite their cloaks hung to create a wall between the genders as they slept, it was still uncomfortable.

 

“You know, this would be easier if you and Gourry were women,” Lina had finally grumbled.

 

“Sure, let's just add being forced to crossdress again to the list of ways I've been demeaned lately. I'm not starring in your perverted fantasies, Lina.”

 

Fortunately, Zel had been standing in front of the door, which had been more easily repaired than, say, a wall.

 

Lina was never again going anywhere north around winter. They'd fought certain evil and nearly died together, but they couldn't handle a few days together in a small space. By the time it had become safe to travel again, even Amelia was close to losing her temper, and the group dynamic wasn't exactly doing too well. Practically the only two people still talking to each other without some measure of malice were Gourry, who Lina still insisted had earned his bloody nose, and Amelia, who had given up even trying to talk to Zelgadis.

 

The sorceress was somewhat amazed that the chimera's mood had sunk so low that even Amelia didn't want to talk to him, but Zel wasn't exactly talking to anyone anyway. She didn't know why he was so moody, either. He was going to be okay and could use magic again, so she would have figured he'd be at least a little happy.

 

But, then, with everything that had happened to him lately she couldn't really blame him. Lina knew she couldn't understand what he was feeling. Yeah, Phibrizzo had manipulated her to try to destroy the world, and Armace had certainly really screwed with her. And she'd almost died several dozen times over the past few years. But it wasn't like any of her experiences came even close to being imprisoned in a tank and used for experimentation. Lina had never faced that kind of dehumanizing treatment, used as a lab rat, and she hoped she never did.

 

So aside from blasting him for calling her a pervert, she'd largely let him be. Lina figured it was what he needed; after all, Zel wasn't exactly the most social of people and he probably wanted to be left alone after everything he'd been through. And, well, she doubted Amelia asking him how he was feeling once an hour had helped, even if her reasons for being concerned were equally understandable.

 

The snow, when they were finally able to travel again, was up to Zel's waist, and though the rest of them could walk, for the most part, on top of it, Lina decided it was probably better to just Ray Wing to the next town. They were less than a day from Seyruun by air and once she had food in her it'd been easy to fly the rest of the way.

 

After a rather disgusting display of affection between Amelia and her father, Lina, Gourry, and Zel been welcomed and graciously shown to rather large guest quarters that were a bit removed from the castle proper but no less posh.

 

“It's pretty far from the library,” Zel commented as he dropped his pack on the floor inside the doorway to his room.

 

Gourry nodded sagely. “Well, they don't want to risk Lina blowing up the palace. And books burn really easily.”

 

Only because they were in the company of Prince Philionel and his entourage did Lina manage to hold off from clobbering the blond into next week. The prince didn't disagree with Gourry, though, which made her steam a bit.

 

“You're planning on using the library?” he asked Zel instead. Lina's attempt to burn holes in his back with her eyes didn't seem to be working.

 

Amelia smiled. “Are you going to research for your cure, Zelgadis-san?” Lina frowned, remembering again Zel's hopeless insistence that there was no cure, that he was done searching.

 

“Something like that.” The chimera shrugged. “Seyruun's royal library is extensive. If you don't mind, I'd like to take advantage of it.”

 

Phil's dwarfish features stretched into a grin. “Certainly, Zelgadis-dono! You are welcome to the knowledge Seyruun has gathered. Please feel free to ask the librarians for assistance.”

 

Zel bowed shortly. “That won't be necessary. I prefer to research on my own.”

 

Amelia looked a bit disappointed at this, and Lina knew that the chimera had added the last bit specifically for the princess. She turned her glare on him, wondering what was going on in that rock-filled head of his, but he ignored her.

 

“Would it be possible for me to use the library right away?” Zel asked.

 

Phil looked momentarily surprised, but smiled again. “Ah, the youthful quest for knowledge! The librarians do leave at night, but we can make arrangements.” He nodded to one of his entourage and the man broke away from the group. “The library will be unlocked for the night, and I'll ensure that you have access in the future as well.”

 

“Thank you.” Zel nodded and walked after the man.

 

“Zelgadis-san, you haven't eaten!”

 

“I'm not hungry.” The chimera didn't even turn around.

 

Lina put a hand on Amelia's shoulder to prevent her from following him, shaking her head. “Let him go. He's been through a lot.”

 

“Yeah. He probably just wants to be alone for a while,” Gourry added. “You can always check on him later.”

 

“Like a lot later.” Amelia deflated, and Lina patted her back awkwardly.

 

Phil-san frowned. “Amelia?”

 

The princess looked up at her father with watery eyes, and Lina fought the urge to drop her face into her palm. This was not something that needed to be aired in front of the entire court. “Oh, Daddy, it's just terrible!”

 

Lina gestured to her room, wanting to at least preserve a little of their reclusive friend's privacy. “Let's talk in private, Phil-san. It's really Zel's business, not gossip for the court.”

 

“Of course, Lina-dono!” The prince swept into Lina's quarters, then turned to his guards and the courtiers who had followed him. “Please, return to the palace.”

 

One of the entourage gave Lina a nasty look, and she stuck out her tongue and blew raspberries in reply before closing the door in their faces.

 

--

 

Zelgadis couldn't explain why he was researching Mazoku and Black magic healing theories. Even his explanation to himself felt strange. He was, in fact, researching in part because Mazoku couldn't be healed via White magic. Xellos had been injured helping him, and Zelgadis felt responsible. He didn't know if the bastard was even alive, or if there was such a thing as Black magic healing—the books he'd found really only argued for or against and gave no real examples—but he found himself researching it anyway.

 

But that explanation was far too embarrassing to share.

 

So with Lina staring him down, demanding that he answer or face certain death, he didn't know what to say.

 

She had come to tell him that he needed to stop holing up in the library. He'd essentially camped out there since they had reached Seyruun a week ago, falling asleep while reading and waking covered by a blanket that he knew Amelia had brought in the night. He was honestly grateful that they had given him some space, and figured that Lina had something to do with it. He joined them briefly for meals, but never stayed.

 

They knew he needed some alone time after what he'd been through, Lina had said, but they were still worried and wanted—

 

Then she'd noticed the books, all on Black magic, Black magic healing theory, and Mazoku, and something had changed in her. Her concern had turned cold. And with Lina staring him down, waiting for an answer, he felt frozen.

 

“Well? Why are you researching this shit? I thought you were looking for your cure, Zel.”

 

He felt his mouth forming words, finding an excuse, lying. “The answer isn't in White magic, or Shamanism,” he found himself saying, though he hadn't exactly finished researching either and could probably spend his whole life researching one and not discovering all its secrets. “It could be that Black magic is the key to my cure. After all, Rezzo—”

 

“You're turning into him, aren't you?” she interrupted, her voice hissing through clenched teeth. Lina didn't explode; he gave her credit for that. But her cold fury and disappointment were almost palpable anyway. “You really will do anything to be cured, just like him with his eyes. How could you, after what he did to you?”

 

Zelgadis flinched. That was, in fact, why he'd refused to study Black magic, even though he was sure he was capable of it. And now she thought… He wished he had just told her the truth, as embarrassing as it was. “Lina…”

 

“I swear to the Mother of All, if you become Rezzo I won't come after you next time. And if it comes down to it, I'll choose saving the world again, even if it means killing you.” He looked away, unable to meet her angry, accusing eyes. “I thought you were better than this, Zel.” With that, she whirled, her cloak billowing dramatically behind her, and was gone before he could say anything.

 

He had the terrible feeling that he'd just lost one of the few friends he had. Zelgadis wondered if she'd even believe the truth now.

 

--

 

Xellos was not alone when he regained awareness. The Beastmaster was watching him, and he sensed that she had kept vigil for some time. While he was grateful for her strange altruism—he could only assume she still felt some sort of attachment, since he was, after all, her creation—it had been unnecessary. Had he been attacked, the Power within him, the Power that L-sama had Bestowed upon him when She Saved him, would have nullified the threat. He wondered if that fact was apparent to others, if they knew, or could guess, what had happened.

 

His former mistress withdrew as he woke more fully. That was neither surprising nor troubling, though he wondered how he would be expected to contact her in the future. The Lords always did so via their priests and generals, if they had them, or summoned the minions of the Lord they wished to communicate with. Zelas had created only him, and he had no desire to create minions just yet. Xellos wondered if it would be terribly rude of him to request audience in person.

 

But there were more pressing matters to think about than trivial Mazoku niceties. The Mother of All had Given more than merely Power to him with Her Touch. She had Communicated with him, and the sheer unknowability of that Knowledge made him ache. It would take time to understand Her Words.

 

They weren't Words, or even Speech, so much as Ideas. And the Ideas were difficult to grasp; he could only translate them in terms of his own understanding, and even then he had to sort out the various pieces first, and figure out where one Idea ended and another began.

 

He managed to untangle one, a comparison of the foolhardy Gourry ignoring his survival instincts to race after Lina/L-sama, trying to save her when she was already gone, to… himself, bent over Zelgadis in the snow, desperately keeping the chimera's mangled soul from dissipating into the Sea of Chaos forever. This had Amused Her, had Pleased Her, and had been the reason She had deigned to Allow several things. She had Allowed Lina's return because of Gourry's devotion and love. She had Saved Xellos because his actions had reminded Her of the blond's in a way that Xellos could not understand.

 

But more surprising than either of those… She had Allowed Zelgadis' soul to be mended, Allowed Xellos to save him, when it should not have been possible. The destruction of the partition within the chimera's soul, the temporary binding, and even the healing had all been Allowed, even Aided, by Her. The Golden Lord had Intervened because Xellos' actions differed from his nature and that had Amused Her. Without Her, Zelgadis would have died no matter what Xellos had done.

 

It was a painfully humbling realization.

 

Xellos set aside the Ideas the Mother of All had Communicated for the moment, deciding instead to check on Zelgadis. L-sama was nothing if not capricious, and there was no telling if the chimera's aspects had been balanced successfully. The Mazoku stretched his senses, pinpointing Zelgadis' unique Astral signature. The shaman's composition stretched into the Astral plane and made him easy for Xellos to track, something that had been useful in his past missions.

 

He was relieved to discover that the chimera had apparently made it to Seyruun. He let some of his senses enter the mortal realm, and found Zelgadis curled up in an armchair in the royal library, sound asleep with a book in his lap.

 

The priest let his Astral projection take shape and gently eased the book from Zelgadis' hands. He frowned thoughtfully as he read the title, Healing in the Black Arts, then flipped through it, finding himself both amused and concerned. Human understanding of Black magic was limited by their rudimentary comprehension of Mazoku, but Zelgadis should know better. The silly theories of the potential of using Black magic for healing were just those: theories. The very nature of Mazoku allowed for nothing but violence, and thus the spells that called upon the power of the retainers of Shabranigdu and Ruby Eye himself were destructive. It did not allow for the opposite.

 

What Xellos didn't understand was why Zelgadis would be researching something like this, unless it was perhaps a long-shot attempt to find a cure. That troubled him. In seeing the chimera's soul separated and unbalanced, Xellos had begun to doubt that there was any possibility that Zelgadis could return to being merely human. Seeking a cure in Black magic would only guarantee the shaman's destruction, if that hadn't already been ensured.

 

Xellos set the book aside and reached forward, through Zelgadis' physical form. Before he could examine the chimera's soul, the youth jerked awake and pushed away so violently that the chair upended.

 

Zelgadis glared at him from the floor, one arm clasped defensively against his chest. “Have you ever heard of asking?”

 

The Mazoku grinned. “Why, Zelgadis-san, what would be the fun in getting permission?”

 

The chimera stood and looked away. “Well, if you're being this obnoxious, the White magic didn't hurt you that badly,” Zelgadis said after a long pause.

 

“Oh, dear. Were you worried about me?”

 

“We weren't sure if you'd survived. Now we'll have to cancel the party.” The chimera's voice was laced with sarcasm.

 

Xellos only smiled. “Yare, yare. Trust Lina-san to find any excuse to organize a feast.” He turned serious, and took a step forward. “I do need to check, Zelgadis-san.”

 

Zelgadis grimaced, and leaned away slightly, his arm again blocking his chest. “I'm fine. Able to use magic and everything.”

 

“Mm. That tells me nothing about the balance of your aspects.”

 

“Fine.” The arm dropped, and Xellos reached forward, carefully holding his own Astral body still so as not to cause damage inadvertently.

 

To his relief, it appeared that he had managed to maintain the balance to the end, and it was in no danger of crumbling. The chimera's soul seemed whole, but the Mazoku checked anyway, running Astral fingers where there had previously been rends.

 

A hand suddenly grasped his arm tightly and he looked up to find that Zelgadis was shaking. “Stop,” he hissed. “Let go.”

 

Zel's terror hit him suddenly, and Xellos complied, frowning. The chimera's legs buckled, and he just stayed on the floor with his arms folded tightly across his chest, shaking and breathing heavily.

 

“Zelgadis-san?” He hadn't expected this reaction.

 

“What the hell did you do?” Zelgadis managed after a moment.

 

Xellos blinked. “I was checking your soul to make sure it was truly healed.” He squatted in front of the youth. “I certainly wasn't trying to cause pain, Zelgadis-san.”

 

The chimera shuddered again. “It wasn't really pain,” he said finally.

 

“Then what was it?” he asked, pulling Zelgadis to his feet and uprighting the armchair for him to sit.

 

Zelgadis was silent for nearly a full minute. “It felt like when Rezzo… changed me into a chimera.” Xellos cocked his head. “I don't think the brow demon was pleased with what was happening either. And the only thing it could take its anger out on was me, and not on the physical plane.”

 

Xellos was stunned. “You were conscious?”

 

The chimera nodded. “He said afterwards that I was more likely to survive the process that way.”

 

Perhaps Shabranigdu had taken over Rezzo's mind more completely than they had realized. Xellos didn't think humans were capable of such cruelty. “That explains quite a bit.”

 

“Even if it hurts that much to go back, a cure is worth it.”

 

Xellos' doubts were now more than simply probable. He had assumed it was simply because he was used to the chimera as he was, and that the aspects were simply too intertwined to be successfully separated. Now it was clear. The feeling he had gotten when looking at the human part of Zelgadis' soul had been of pieces missing, because the brow demon's struggles had actually destroyed part of the human's soul.

 

“You realize…” The Mazoku stopped, wondering if it was really his place to say.

 

“What?” Xellos didn't respond, and Zelgadis eyed him suspiciously. “If you know something about my cure, spill it.” He hesitated, and the sorcerer stood and grabbed him by the collar. “Dammit, Xellos! I have the right to know!”

 

That was true, and this knowledge wasn't a secret. And, hopefully, it would keep Zelgadis from killing himself trying to experiment with Black magic healing. Xellos relented. “I know that a cure does not exist.”

 

Zelgadis released him, backing away. “No. You're lying.”

 

“I already told you that I don't lie, Zelgadis-san.”

 

“Misleading, then.”

 

Xellos sighed. “No matter how I phrase it, it's true. You cannot go back to being human. You will be a chimera for the rest of your life. If anything, what that sorcerer attempted was the closest thing to a cure that can exist. The human you were died when you became a chimera.”

 

The shaman's eyes were wide and horrified, staring through Xellos as he tried to process that. His lips moved soundlessly.

 

The silence was broken by the library door creaking open in the distance, and soft footsteps approaching. Xellos stepped into the shadows and left the mortal realm, grateful for the distraction that allowed him to escape.

 

Telling him had been a mistake.

 

 

I really didn't mean for Zel to be hit with so much angst at one time. It just kind of happened that way.

 

Sometimes Chrissy has the funniest reactions to parts of this. This time her response to part of the last section was “Let's play doctor!” “Okay you're definitely not coming near me now.” Which, sadly, had no place in this chapter but was too funny not to mention.

 

This is a long chapter, and may be the last for a few weeks at least. The amount of shit I have on my plate is just ridiculous. Sleep for the next few days, at the least, is not going to be easy to come by.

 

Chrissy beta'd as well. Chrislea was exhausted and I'm too busy for the rest of the week, so I figured if there are errors I can edit later. Sorry!