Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Detour ❯ Chapter Eighteen ( Chapter 18 )

Detour

 

by Rose Thorne

 

Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren't me. I'm borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

 

 

Chapter Eighteen

 

Lina was relieved when Zel told Philionel the morning after she'd yelled at him that he was finished with the library. Her words had gotten through to him, it seemed. And she showed her approval by treating him warmly again. Potential crisis averted.

 

But it had been several days and the chimera didn't look very good. He looked exhausted, as though he hadn't been sleeping, and while he went through the motions during meals, not much left his plate. Lina knew he didn't need to eat much—he'd been the only one of them with any sort of strength after being lost at sea following the incident with Filia and the expedition ships—but it was getting concerning.

 

Zel spent more time with them than he had, but didn't join their conversations. When Phil had requested a game of chess after Amelia had commented on Zel's logical prowess, the chimera had lost quickly, then apologized and declined another game. He seemed distracted, or even depressed, and since Zel was the type to keep everything bottled up, he wasn't telling them anything.

 

He wasn't even using the library for regular research associated with his cure, when there was a lot he could study involving White magic and shamanism. There was no way he'd looked into everything in those.

 

Lina hadn't meant for him to stop searching for a cure entirely, and she hoped he hadn't taken what she'd said that way. If that was what had happened, if he had felt as though he had to choose between what he'd been questing for all these years and her friendship… Well, she had to clear it up.

 

So when Zel pushed his plate away after only picking at his dinner, she paused in eating. “Something wrong, Zel?”

 

He only shrugged in response.

 

“Zelgadis-san, you haven't been eating.”

 

“I'm not very hungry, Amelia.” Zel didn't look at them.

 

Lina glared, smacking Gourry's hand as he tried to steal one of her drumsticks. “Bullshit. You're making yourself sick. Are you even sleeping at all?”

 

His only answer was another shrug.

 

She sighed. “Zel, I didn't mean you should stop looking for your cure entirely. You haven't been in the library once since I yelled at you.”

 

Amelia frowned at her. “Lina-san! Why would you yell at him?”

 

“He was researching Black magic and Mazoku, Amelia. It was for his own good.”

 

The chimera still didn't look at them. “I wasn't researching it for my cure, Lina. Frankly, I can't believe you'd think for even a second that I'd turn into Rezzo. Why do you think I don't use Black magic?” He paused. “Xellos is fine anyway, so there's no point in researching Black magic healing theory anymore.”

 

It took a moment for Lina to process what he'd said. “That was why you were researching it? Why didn't you just tell me?”

 

“Because it was stupid.”

 

“Damn right! Black magic is solely destructive, Zel. It can't be used for healing, even with Mazoku. I could've told you that if you'd just asked.”

 

“And clearly I'm stupid. As I said, there's no point in researching anymore.”

 

“Zelgadis-san…” Amelia paused as the chimera glanced at her. “What about researching for your cure?”

 

There was a long pause before Zel responded. “What's the point in searching for something that doesn't exist?”

 

Lina's eyes narrowed. “What did I tell you about giving up? Quit being a pessimist! As soon as spring comes, we're all going to go looking for your cure with you. In the meantime, we can look—”

 

“I'm not being a pessimist,” Zel interrupted, and she realized he was starting to shake slightly. “There is no cure. What Rezzo did to me damaged my soul too much to ever go back.”

 

“You can't trust what Xellos tells you!” Lina started, but Zel shook his head.

 

“I've always known, deep down.” His arms were clasped tightly across his chest, and his face was turned down and away so that his hair hid his expression. “I tried to deny it, but I felt it as it was happening, the brow demon fighting the fusion. Rezzo didn't exactly care, because he never planned to undo what he did to me. Why bother healing parts of a human soul that were superfluous?”

 

Lina understood what he was saying, but her mind rejected it. She couldn't find her voice to speak, and Amelia seemed equally dumbstruck. Gourry looked clueless, but seemed to know better than to ask stupid questions.

 

Zelgadis' shoulders trembled slightly and he stood abruptly. “Excuse me.” His voice was tightly controlled, but the urgency with which he left the room conveyed his pain.

 

Amelia stood as if to go after him, but Lina caught her arm before she could. “I don't think that's wise, Amelia. Let him grieve for a while.”

 

Gourry finally spoke hesitantly. “What's going on? Why's Zel upset?”

 

“I'm not entirely sure.” Lina looked at her plate, having lost her appetite for once despite the mound of delicious food on her plate. “But I intend to beat the answer to that out of Xellos when I find him.”

 

--

 

Zelgadis had wanted to get away from people, lock himself away in his room for a while, but once there he found that he felt unbearably claustrophobic. He was trapped within stone walls just as he was trapped in his awful body; his skin crawled and his body felt overheated. He wasn't able to bear the feeling for more than a few minutes before he opened the double doors leading to the balcony.

 

It was snowing fiercely, probably the prelude to yet another winter storm, but Zelgadis didn't care. The cold air and open sky made him feel less hemmed in. He stood watching the wind blow snow around the empty courtyard for several minutes, before sitting cross-legged and leaning against the iron-wrought barrier to watch the stars.

 

He was so tired of it all. All those years hoping had been pointless. All the searching, the journeys, had been a waste of time. Zelgadis would always be a monster.

 

The stars blurred and he wiped at his eyes futilely, trying to calm himself with deep breaths of frigid air. It was useless, and he gave up, letting the tears come and ignoring the way the biting wind made them burn against his stone skin and whipped through his clothing to chill his body. He didn't feel like fighting them anymore.

 

The haze of stars slowly grew dimmer, and his eyes fell closed.

 

--

 

By the time Xellos was able to contact his former mistress, it had been several days and he had been “tested” several times by either Dynast or Dolphin, or perhaps both. He rather hoped it hadn't been Zelas throwing away minions like that; she should know better. Frankly, he was getting tired of incinerating lesser Mazoku. It was boring.

 

The Beastmaster had agreed to meet with him on Wolf Pack Island. He had agreed for old time's sake, but he knew it was dangerous ground, and not because it was Zelas' territory. It was familiar—too familiar—and that could lull him into more than simply a false sense of security. It risked an easy fall back into their former master-servant relationship, and Xellos knew that now more than ever he had to guard his own secrets even from her.

 

An alliance would benefit both of them, but among Mazoku such alliances were temporary. They were merely an excuse to gather information on each other, to search for weaknesses. As her servant, he had helped Zelas with that countless times, most recently with Phibrizzo. While Hellmaster had not been destroyed by her, Zelas had set many of the events that had led to his demise in motion.

 

Xellos could not afford to reveal any weaknesses that she might exploit.

 

The conversation was like an awkward battle-dance, neither of them stepping in time. Over a thousand years of a comfortable, stable association, and suddenly things had changed. She seemed taken aback when he declined her offer of tea. They spoke of nonsense; worthless, uncomfortable chatter. Xellos did not bring up her vigil over him; nor did she.

 

After several minutes of silence, Zelas finally spoke. “You requested a conference.”

 

“Why did you send the wolves after Zelgadis-san?”

 

She didn't answer for a moment. “Had you obeyed the implied order and let him die, you may have remained mine.” Her smile twisted. “But you were too far gone already. I should have had you destroy them before you became so fond of them.”

 

“Zelas-sama…”

 

The Beastmaster shook her head. “Just Zelas. There is no need for honorifics. We are equals now.” She smiled at him again. “You were such a good servant, Xellos. I will miss that.”

 

He bowed slightly.

 

“Now, certainly you didn't come all this way to ask such a silly question.” Her face was serious now.

 

“No.” He let his own smile slip away. “There have been some rather irritating swarms of minor Mazoku around. Such a nuisance.”

 

Zelas' expression went feral. “Dynast or Dolphin?”

 

Xellos shrugged. “Or both.”

 

His former mistress leaned back. Her ivory cigarette holder appeared in her hand, and she took a slow drag. “So, then. How shall we handle this?”

 

“Watch and wait seems the best option.” Xellos smiled. “After all, they're likely to resolve the issue themselves. These alliances never do go well, if it is that.”

 

The familiar threat driving them together made the conversation more comfortable, but he remained guarded. Xellos did not tell her of the Mother of All's Intervention. That information was his secret to keep for Her. But even with the lack of substance, it was almost like old times. Yes, Xellos would miss this as well. It had been fun.

 

Afterwards, he floated in the chaos of the Astral plane, again sifting through L-sama's Ideas, untangling the mess into bits that might be more comprehensible. The one he focused on now involved Lina; he could see the fiery hair in the Vision. As he unwove it, he was surprised to find that it also dealt with him.

 

He frowned as the Thoughts washed over him, only partially understandable and only then when he applied Mazoku hierarchy to them. The Mother of All had Chosen Lina, upon the successful summoning, to be the equivalent of Her General. It was not something that was survived, but Gourry's actions had convinced Her to leave Her General in the mortal realm. Lina was the vessel through which the Lord of Nightmares could Work, a conduit for Her Power on this world, Her Fist.

 

And She had Chosen Xellos to be Her Priest. His role as a spy had not changed, but She wished to Watch the goings-on of this world more closely, for reasons he could not decipher. He was Her Eye, but he knew not what to observe for Her.

 

He somehow doubted it would go well, but this was, perhaps, something he needed to discuss with Lina.

 

Xellos stretched his body across the Astral plane toward the mortal realm, toward Seyruun, and popped into existence over the wing of the palace where the royal guests were staying. A bit of light poured from an open doorway into the courtyard. It was the balcony off Zelgadis' quarters, and Xellos froze as he saw a blue and beige bundle, half-covered by snow, lying still against the iron barrier.

 

He would have liked to say it was concern that moved him, but it was fear. Something he shouldn't be feeling, replaced by another, relief, when he saw the light mist of the chimera's breath.

 

Zelgadis had been out there for a while; several inches of snow had built up against his side where the wind had blown it. Ice and snow caked his pale face. He wasn't shivering, and Xellos now knew that this was not a good sign. This time, at least, he could use magic to help him.

 

He lifted the sorcerer from the snow, moving him quickly into the room and out of the blizzard. The Mazoku closed the balcony doors behind them and started a blazing fire in the fireplace with barely a thought. And as he evaporated the frozen moisture from the chimera's clothing and body, and saw the shimmer of salt left on his face, Xellos understood.

 

This was, in part, his fault.

 

“Fool. You little fool.”

 

He wasn't sure if he was talking to Zelgadis or himself.

 

 

This is where I have to say that Xellos is a complete bastard and I never should have let him be my muse. We'll get to why later. Basically I'm wondering if I'll still be writing this fic in two years. Damn you, Xellos!

 

I was going to end this chapter in a different place, but it's not going that far just yet.

 

The idea of the difference between the duties of a General and a Priest is basically from Raltaak and Rashatt, Gaav's Priest and General, respectively. Those of you who have read the novels can probably figure it out from there, but I'm not spoiling!

 

To address a concern one of you mentioned in your review, I want to reiterate that this is a fanfic. Yes, I'm drawing very heavily on canon here (though liberally mixing the novels, manga, and anime in many places), but this is fanon. I realize that Kanzaka-san made that announcement about Zelgadis (again, not spoiling; those of you who know what I'm talking about will get it), but it hasn't happened in his work yet. It may happen, and it may not, but this is a fanfic and I'm taking the liberty of changing that little detail because while he mentioned it in an interview it is not yet canon.

 

Chrissy and Fawx were awesome and beta-read this chapter.