Exposed

Part 3

by Xellas M.

Zelgadis sprinted towards his physical body, pressing the pace until he was running alongside Himitsu. As he ran, the images and memories recently released by Xellos began to reassemble themselves in his mind like a large and complicated puzzle. Guilt was one of the few negative emotions the depressed chimera had seldom dealt with up to this point, one that he had rarely felt applied to him. However, when the last piece snapped into place Zelgadis was cursed with a single moment of complete clarity. He understood what had been done to him and why. Even worse, he understood how it had been able to succeed.

That demon, that repulsive, conniving bastard of a Mazoku had actually loved him. In allowing Zelgadis to get close, Xellos had left himself open for attack.

They returned to the chimera's rooms without incident and Zelgadis wasted no time returning to his body. Mechanically, he washed, changed and ate, but the food tasted like ashes.

The agony Xellos had inflicted on him in the Astral plane was nothing compared to the shaman's betrayal.

Zelgadis had always been scornful of suicides, despising them as weak and selfish. The very idea of giving up turned his stomach. Now the only thing that prevented him from finding a way to open his veins was the knowledge that it would only compound his error by sealing his beloved's fate. It didn't matter anyway, the shaman decided; Xellos would probably do the good deed himself once he was free.

He realized that every minute he spent wasting time feeling sorry for himself was another minute Xellos would suffer. Quickly, he finished eating and set out to find the priest's jeweled staff.

* * * * *

Something had been wrong with today's session, leaving Mirelle both exhausted and in a foul mood. Her advisors gave her a very wide berth, coming up with a wide and extremely creative variety of excuses that would take them pointedly elsewhere.

Alone with her thoughts, Mirelle growled her frustrations to her mirror. Xellos had to be drawing strength from somewhere, but where? He should have nearly been broken by now, but it still felt like he was holding something back. He still had too much strength left. The Mazoku must be drawing power from somewhere, even though she had been very careful to personally remove any item of even questionable potential from his possession. The dragon shuddered, remembering that search. The feeling of Xellos' filthy Mazoku hide had brought back too many repressed memories.

What she needed to do was get the Mazoku off balance, force him to make a mistake. As luck would have it, she had the perfect tool already to hand. The imbalanced dragon smiled charmingly at her reflection. It was a good thing she hadn't had Zelgadis killed, after all.

* * * * *

The chimera in question was actually still in his quarters when the summons came. He had been carefully planning his search for Xellos' staff; fortunately, all that time spent looking for the Claire Bible had given him a lot of practice looking for highly magical artifacts. He was just about to begin his search when Himitsu growled softly, then literally disappeared. One second he was there, the next…gone.

Zelgadis started. He had been beginning to suspect that the blue cat was more than he seemed to be and this pretty much clinched it. He wondered as he quickly hid his papers. A soft knock sounded at his door. Before the shaman could even get up to open it, it was pushed open and a smiling figure entered.

It was the same Ryuzoku soldier that had mocked him after they had taken Xellos. Her human form was short for a dragon, her features slightly masculine beneath cropped blond hair. Without bothering to try to cover it up, she appraised the shaman openly, lewdly. Her words were polite but her tone contemptuous and suggestive all at once as she finally announced "Mirelle-sama would like to see you now, if you have a minute."

He wanted to hit her. Hell, he wanted to kill her. She had been turned on by his humiliation and didn't even think enough of him as a sentient being to try to hide it. In some ways, she was just as bad as the one who had used him in the first place. Still, he had to keep up the act, at least until Xellos was free. "That's wonderful…do I look alright?" He was proud of himself. He had managed to keep his teeth from clenching together as he said it.

The Ryuzoku's grin widened. "You look delicious. I'm off duty tonight, when she's finished maybe we can get together. It's not like you have anything else to do." The bitch actually laughed.

Zelgadis could feel his skin darken with anger as he stammered his reply. "W-we'll see." Hopefully she would put it down to shyness.

* * * * *

By the time the pair was standing before the door to Mirelle's office, the soldier had introduced herself as Irene and arranged to see him later that evening. The way she stared at him as she said goodbye reinforced the feeling that he would never be clean again.

The chimera couldn't manage a smile, so he simply nodded as he opened the door. Fear flooded through him. If he couldn't handle the attentions of someone only marginally involved with this nightmare, how was he ever going to face its author? If Mirelle noticed the change, where would that leave Xellos?

It was too late to avoid this meeting. If he left now, he may as well just give up, which was not an option until the Mazoku was set free. Perhaps, if he were really alert, he might find a clue to the missing staff. Taking one last deep breath, he entered.

Mirelle's office was shockingly spartan. No personal effects were visible anywhere, only a square, functional desk with uncomfortable looking chairs on either side. There were no windows. The sole source of light was a harsh white light spell in the center of the ceiling. It reminded him of the dreams the dragon lady had used in his conditioning and he was unable to completely repress a shudder of fear.

"Good evening, Zelgadis! I hope everything is going well, that you are comfortable."

Everything depended on this. The shaman was not about to let Xellos down. He managed to smile even though it hurt to do so. "Very comfortable, Lady. I only regret that I cannot be of further help."

"Did you enjoy that Mazoku so much?" Mirelle teased lightly.

This was going to be even harder than he had thought. Tension set in the chimera's stony shoulders even as his stomach rolled and he found himself entirely unable to reply.

Fortunately, the dragon seemed ready to put his reaction down to embarrassment. "I am sorry, Zel-chan, I couldn't resist." She smiled. "We do appreciate your sacrifice, very much so."

Zelgadis nodded, still unable to speak. He had always hated being called Zel-chan and it sounded worse coming from the one personal enemy he had since Rezo.

"Please, sit down." The lovely blonde indicated the seat before her desk.

Stiffly, Zelgadis complied. 'Cold,' he reminded himself 'I have to make myself believe what I am saying.'

Finally, the shaman trusted his voice enough to speak. "How are things going? Have you gotten what you wanted from it yet?"

Mirelle sighed. "No, and that's what I wanted to talk with you about. I think you can help."

Like hell! "What do you need?"

"He is proving very…resilient. Too resilient. Something is going wrong. I've tripled the guard on him and strengthened all my wards, but I cannot find the problem. I am hoping that if you confront him, he might make a mistake. We're so close!"

Zelgadis' mind spun. The image of a poor, beaten little girl flashed through his mind and he barely suppressed an outbreak of sheer panic. He couldn't do that again! Watch helplessly while another suffered because of him. There had to be a way out of this, there just had to. 'Information! Don't panic until you get more information', he said to himself.

"I would be honored. When do you need me?"

"I need to get some rest, first. Dawn tomorrow will do perfectly." She replied. It was true. The Ryuzoku looked tired and if it was visible in her human form, she must be truly exhausted.

"Very well. Please do get some sleep. I hate to think of you becoming ill, working so hard for all of us. The entire world will thank you one day." That only left him with a single night to find the staff and come up with a plan, but it was better than nothing.

Mirelle smiled. "That's very sweet of you, Zel-chan. I will see you in the morning, then."

It was clearly a dismissal, but an idea halted Zelgadis just before he reached the door. "Lady?"

Clearly impatient, the golden dragon nevertheless smiled as she replied "Yes?"

"I was wondering…It…Xellos…had a staff. I think I would like it as a reminder, if you don't mind. Something to keep alive the memory of how you saved me." His heart pounded as he awaited her response, afraid that he was pushing it too far, that she would discover his real reason for asking.

Curiosity and calculation flashed across her countenance, but no suspicion. "Of course…" she muttered, mostly to herself. "None of us can use it, but…" She looked carefully at the shaman, then nodded. Raising her voice, she said "You probably don't even know this, but that staff is an incredibly powerful weapon. None of us can wield such an unclean thing, but you as a baser creature might be able to." She rose and waved her hand in a complicated gesture that Zelgadis couldn't quite follow and suddenly held the staff out to him.

Trembling, he reached out and took it. The wood felt warm beneath his hands; the red jewel flashed once in acknowledgement. He wanted to smile, to laugh out loud, but he didn't dare. Silently, he bowed and exited the room.

* * * * *

Zelgadis went directly back to his room only to find Himitsu had returned and was staring at him in expectation. The cat made one soft, low purr of greeting. The shaman nearly dropped the staff he was clutching in surprise when it vibrated softly in response.

"What?" he yelped in surprise.

"Careful! I'm not exactly a piece of firewood, you know…" The voice was sarcastic.

It couldn't be. No way. Zelgadis decided that everything he had been through had finally driven him insane. After all, every rational person knew that cats did not converse with staves. Further, he was almost positive that staves never, ever made derisive comments to chimeras.

"That's because talking to certain chimeras can be an awful lot like talking to stone walls." The voice replied.

"That's not funny." Better to just live with it and respond until he woke up in a nice hospital somewhere.

"Neither is this situation. Xellos-sama is in serious trouble. Oh, he says to tell you 'Hi'. Normally, he would have told me to destroy you for touching me but I figure he must have his reasons. He usually does, you know."

"I know…wait! You can talk with him? Is he alright?" Several emotions came crashing down on Zelgadis at once: fear, that Xellos was hurt beyond repair, guilt because it was his fault, and hope because they now had a chance to survive.

"I can communicate with him, but it drains him. To answer your second question, I guess it depends on what *your* definition of alright is. He's very weak, starving. He doesn't have enough energy left to break that barrier, even with my considerable help."

Despair reached over and pushed all other feelings aside. "Isn't there anything I can do? I fed him before, I know I did…"

"You can feed him through me. All you have to do is find a victim and torture it while holding me - golden dragons are my favorite, but in a pinch like this I won't be picky. I can store its negative energy until you give me back to Xellos-sama."

There was no way Zelgadis was going to refuse.

* * * * *

Several hours passed spent in careful preparation for what the shaman now had to do. He had obtained magically enhanced restraints easily enough. His request was barely even questioned, an unexpected side benefit of the training he had received before being used on Xellos. It was just assumed that someone else was taking him on as a plaything. The chimera had also very carefully soundproofed his room

He knew he was about to give up something very important, something he would never get back. Briefly he wondered if this was what women felt before losing their virginity. The last of his innocence, like the illusions of Justice that were Amelia's very breath, was about to be gone and he would never get it back. Although in the past he had inflicted more pain than was necessary in battle and enjoyed it, like when he had captured Lina Inverse, he had considered what he was about to do beneath him. Zelgadis told himself repeatedly that the dragon soldier had this coming for her part in this whole horrible situation. Deep down he knew better. When this was all over, he would be no better than any Mazoku.

In the end it didn't matter because he wasn't going to stop. He didn't even want to. Xellos was too closely within his grasp.

The unsuspecting Ryuzoku arrived, right on time. Luring Irene into his trap was amazingly easy; she actually thanked him for not making her waste her time in any kind of courtship ritual. Neither did she balk when he asked her to put on the restraints. She completely believed his explanation that he was afraid she would resume her dragon form during their coupling and hurt him. Lust lit her eyes as she stared, bound and helpless, at her toy.

Showtime.

Zelgadis held his victim's gaze as he reached under his cloak for Xellos' staff

"*Very* nice choice, no wonder the Master likes you." The red orb began pulsing, blood red light filling the chamber as the magical item was reluctantly forced to voice its approval.

"Shut up. What do I do now?" This wasn't the time to play games, not when the chimera was on the edge of doing something so frightening.

The bound Ryuzoku's eyes widened. Her intended lover was talking to a piece of wood! Much too late, she began to get the idea that something here was very wrong.

"Absolutely delicious, in fact." Xellos' staff ignored its temporary wielder as it continued its praise. It said no more, only increased the speed of its pulsing light. Zelgadis shivered as he began to feel dark energy coursing through his veins. This was so much different from his own magic! It was hate and pain, despair and fear. It was the other side of existence, the part of a soul that reacts with unmitigated pleasure to the sight of blood and the sound of crying. It sliced through his mind in a manner that was pure ecstasy.

The shaman was utterly seduced by the darkness. Denial, so important in enabling the civilized to ignore the primitive urge to hurt, to kill, was swept away under its influence. He was ready to do this. He was going to enjoy it.

He could not have said how he did it, but instinctively he grabbed the energy, shaped it and held it in his hand. Looking down at the now whimpering blonde dragon, so helpless, he whispered softly, "You are lost, gone, beautiful one. So very sad, a life like yours was meant to last."

"Please, don't. I'll do anything you want. I don't want to die. Please!" The innocent victim was crying now, begging her stone captor for mercy.

What little mercy he had, Zelgadis gave. He began immediately. He released the energy, binding it around the weeping female, tying intricate knots of hot pain over her body.

Stronger, he was getting stronger every minute. The body beneath him was screaming and jerking, unable to find release in unconsciousness. Zelgadis moaned at the sight, at the taste of his victim's fear. It was exquisite. The chimera experimented with the pain, increasing it ever so gradually, then allowing his victim a single moment of relief before resuming at an even more excruciating level.

He did not have too long to play, the staff kindly reminded him, so finally the chimera strengthened his spell past the point of Ryuzoku endurance. When Irene's strength finally gave out and she died, a shudder of pure bliss racked Zelgadis' body.

"Was it good for you, too?" The staff laughed as the last of its red light flickered and went out.

If Xellos' obnoxious piece of wood had hoped to get a reaction from Zelgadis, it was sadly disappointed. Too much had happened to the chimera. He was no longer the person he had once been. He could live with what he had done, he didn't need to make excuses anymore. What had happened wasn't his way, would never be, but he had done it for his love and he could accept it.

"Now we just have to get you to Xellos."

* * *

Xellas was ready. She stroked the blue kitten on her lap thoughtfully. The chimera had been truly impressive; it was no wonder Xellos had fallen for the boy. He certainly would be useful to have around…if her Priest-General decided to keep the shaman. Xellos would be a fool not to, but love made fools out of everyone from time to time, one reason Mazoku shied from it as much as possible. At least the following day Xellas would have the chance to undo one of her own worst mistakes.

* * *

Dawn came and rays of falsely cheerful sunlight streamed into Zelgadis' room. They mindlessly illuminated the peaceful features of the dead dragon, still bound to human form on his bed. Unable to sleep, the shaman had spent the evening making plans for Xellos' rescue. The increased guard and strengthened wards made any attempt to sneak the staff in a form of passive suicide. Everything would depend on their adversary's overconfidence, on Mirelle actually allowing the chimera to carry the staff to the Mazoku. Fortunately, the dragon leader was nothing if not confident.

Himitsu had disappeared again, which was not surprising given that the blue cat had avoided any contact whatsoever with the Ryuzoku. Zelgadis now had a strong suspicion as to the cat's true nature and knew that without the purple-eyed feline, he would probably never have managed to separate himself from Mirelle's dreams.

Zelgadis dressed, putting on his old traveling gear for the first time in weeks although he left the hood and mask off. It felt right, somehow, to think he would probably die in those clothes. After all, even if he did succeed and set his love free, Xellos was still a Mazoku and it was unlikely that he would allow the chimera to live no matter what feelings the demon once had. And the shaman understood. In fact, when it came right down to it he preferred the honesty of the openly evil to the hypocrisy of so-called good that allowed atrocities to be committed in its name. A last sigh, but no prayer, left his stone lips as he forced his features to resume the fawning expression appropriate for the brain-ravaged puppet of a kind Mistress. He buckled on his sword, grabbed the staff, and left.

He made his way to Mirelle's office, surprised to find the Ryuzoku looking almost as exhausted as she had the night before. It was easier to pretend today, much easier. As sticky as the shaman's end might be if he were successful, the dragon's was apt to be excruciating. He could almost feel sorry for her. Almost.

"Good morning, Lady. Are you feeling unwell? Perhaps we should put this off until you are more rested."

"So considerate, Zel-chan. I will be alright, my own discomfort is nothing compared to the cause. And good morning to you as well." She looked up at the chimera for the first time and her mouth opened in surprise. "What in Ceipheed's name are you wearing?"

"Well, you said you wanted it off-balance, Lady. I thought that wearing these clothes, carrying my sword and especially his staff, would help. Did I do wrong?"

"You know him better than anyone, so you're probably right." The blonde laughed a little at that. Apparently she still found their tryst humorous. "But I don't think it's a good idea to bring that staff anywhere near him. As I told you, it's very powerful."

"As you wish." Zelgadis pretended to shrug the issue off, but inside his ribcage his heart was beating like a wild animal's. He continued offhandedly, "But it valued this a very great deal, Lady. The impact of seeing this staff in another's hands, especially mine, cannot be underestimated. I will be very careful to keep my distance, believe me."

The Ryuzoku appeared to consider the idea for a minute. Before she could speak, the shaman cut in once more. "Besides, you will be there, surely you can protect me. I trust you."

Mirelle looked flattered. Zelgadis barely restrained a grin - he had her! "Very well," she said, "Just don't let it get anywhere near the damn Mazoku. We need to take a chance if it will help us succeed."

* * * * *

~End Part 3