Exposed

Part 2

by Xellas M.

Pausing in his frantic efforts to clean himself, Zelgadis met Xellos' eyes. Shock and grief too new and too sudden to be hidden flooded the chimera. He sank to the floor as soon as he was released from those dead violet eyes, clutching his stomach and falling to his knees retching. 'What have I done?' echoed throughout his otherwise empty mind, reasserting itself with each spasm of his stomach, until Zelgadis could not take any more and the world became very black.

Laughing triumphantly, Mirelle motioned for the soldiers to take Xellos away.

* * * * *

Xellas frowned as she monitored events from her home on Wolf Pack Island. Patterns seemed to replicate themselves throughout time, tragic acts played over and over again despite the awareness of their participants. First, there had been Dolphin, friend, lover, mate. She had proved weak in the end, had given in to the madness to avoid the pain of living. Years had passed, there had been others, but none had lasted very long before their minds had shattered. Mirelle had seemed a good choice at first, idealistic, beautiful and so young. Yet the dragon's mind had lasted no longer than any of the others and finally it had become necessary to move on and seek a stronger partner. Her current mate, Luna Inverse, was still very strong, but how long could she possibly balance her desire for a Mazoku Lord with her responsibilities as Ceipheed's Knight?

Then there was Xellos, her finest creation. He had made his own series of mistakes in the past. Now he wanted this chimera more than she had ever seen the priest want anyone in his entire existence.

She should have killed Mirelle years ago. Now Xellas would not interfere because it was just possible that this time Xellos would win his prize…if the they managed to survive.

* * * * *

Voices in the darkness. One that he loved more than any other, yet it was cold and unfeeling.

"Is he awake yet?"

"No, Lady. He sleeps, but there is nothing physically wrong." This quiet male voice was unfamiliar, but kind.

"He is trying to break through his conditioning. If he succeeds, kill him."

"My Lady?"

"It is a pity, he served his purpose well. However, we have no further use for him and we need to devote all our attention to Xellos if we wish to succeed. The damn Mazoku is proving even harder to break than his chimera was." Mirelle sounded truly regretful, as though she were putting to sleep a favorite, but diseased, pet.

"As you command."

Despair washed over Zelgadis as he let the blackness claim him once again.

* * * * *

When Zelgadis finally woke up again, he was alone in what looked like a hospital bed. The events of the past several weeks seemed like a dream, jumbled and distorted in his mind. It appeared impossible to sort out which were real and which fantasy, but he had to try. Xellos had hurt him but he could not remember how or when. Had it happened at all? He had met Mirelle and she had saved him…from what? Try as he might, he could not remember but he knew that it was so. Vividly, he remembered being intimate with Xellos, physical memory so detailed that it must have really happened. He could still taste the demon's skin, could still feel the other's hardness in his throat, exciting and sickening all at once. Then pain, anguish and darkness. He remembered the voices, Mirelle's betrayal, but wasn't that just another dream?

Zelgadis' head hurt and he tried to slip back into the comforting darkness but it eluded him. He was going to have to get up and he still did not know what to do. If he asked for help, would they kill him? Better not to risk it, he could pretend everything was fine. At least it would buy him some time to figure out what was going on.

Lifting a hand that seemed heavier than usual, Zelgadis rang the bell to summon the nurse.

* * * * *

Zelgadis played his part well. He professed to be deeply embarrassed at his collapse, polite and grateful to the nurses. He even almost had himself convinced that the conversation he had overheard had been nothing but a dream. When they told him he was finally ready to speak with the Doctor about his discharge, he was elated. However his elation died quickly when the first sentence the Doctor spoke sent chills down his spine. He recognized that kind voice. The threatening conversation had not entirely been a dream, after all.

Quickly he shoved that thought aside, willing his heartbeat back to normal. He had to convince them that he was safe or he might never get his answers.

He managed to keep a light tone as he insisted that he was terribly sorry to have put them all through such trouble and how he hoped Mirelle had not been too worried. Could he possibly see her? They told him it was not possible as she spent most of her time on the Astral Plane, keeping personal guard over the captive Xellos. Zelgadis understood, relief warring with hurt inside him. He simply stated that he knew she had bigger things on her mind and could they please just let her know he was alright?

His performance was exceptional even for one accustomed to hiding his feelings. Zelgadis could see genuine relief in the young doctor's eyes as he pronounced the chimera well enough to leave.

* * * * *

Zelgadis made it back to his rooms and was met with a supremely unenthusiastic feline greeting. Himitsu refused to go anywhere near the shaman, preferring to sit atop a tall wardrobe strategically located to enable the cat to stare accusingly at Zelgadis through closed eyes no matter where the chimera went. Fresh fish was set out, briefly considered, then ignored. Finally the shaman gave up and sat down to try to think. The weight of the cat's stare increased. Zelgadis sighed, then looked up to find himself staring into two open, slitted amethyst eyes. Again, he was struck by their similarity to Xellos' though they lacked the priest's power and depth. He began to get irritated.

"Why don't you just go away?" he snapped, not expecting any response.

Himitsu merely smirked and twitched his tail, never breaking his gaze.

The chimera tried to ignore the cat but after the seventh or eighth time he looked up to find the damn creature *still* watching him, he snapped. Angrily he reached for the closest object, a glass of water on the bedside table, and prepared to get rid of the annoyance once and for all - only to stop as the scene suddenly struck a chord. For some reason it was very, very important that he not hurt the kitten but he had no idea why. Memory tickled the back of his mind, refusing to solidify, until in frustration he hurled the glass against the wall. It shattered, scattering droplets of water and shards of glass everywhere.

As Zelgadis began to pick up the pieces he realized there was only one way he could get the answers he needed. He had to find Xellos. As if he had read the shaman's thoughts, Himitsu jumped gracefully down from his perch to rub against his stony leg. With a gentle touch of his paw the kitten appeared to offer assistance.

* * * * *

Finding someone on the astral plane is not an easy thing for a human to do. Humans exist mainly on the material plane and their astral bodies are many times smaller than those of the Mazoku and Ryuzoku natives. The five physical senses do not work the same way. Instead they are all rolled into a single thought impulse which combines sight, taste, sound, scent and touch. Only those humans that have mastered shamanistic magic are able to survive there and even they are extremely vulnerable.

Cats, on the other hand, can go wherever they wish and often choose to keep an eye on both planes at once. The cat that stares at nothing for what seems like hours is in fact probably deeply engrossed in events that are happening on the Astral plane.

So it was that when Zelgadis entered the trance that would move his consciousness to the astral plane, he found Himitsu waiting patiently for him. The kitten, grown to the size of a small lion, looked over his shoulder and swished his tail, an invitation for Zelgadis to follow. Looking back, he made one last check to make sure that his stone body would take care of all it's basic functions in his absence. Of course, if he did not return that body would eventually die of hunger and thirst, but his chimerical nature gave him an extended period of time before that would happen. Satisfied, he turned to follow the cat.

Shamanistic magic accustoms the brain to receive information from the Astral plane and translate it into something familiar that a human can understand and process. From Zelgadis' point of view, Himitsu was leading him down a long, almost featureless corridor. As he walked, he wondered just why he was risking everything too see the creature he most despised. After all, what did he expect out of the Mazoku? The truth? Not likely. Answers? Hell, Xellos kept secrets just for the sake of having them. What Zelgadis really wanted, he admitted to himself, was to know just why he had done *that* with someone he hated so very much. He wanted justification for his actions when he could barely remember what those actions were.

They walked for what seemed like ages. At one point, Himitsu hissed, easily pushing Zelgadis' ghostlike astral form into a small niche. A group of Ryuzoku soon passed through the hallway coming from the other direction, talking and laughing amongst themselves. Unfortunately, the shaman couldn't see well enough from his hiding place to determine whether Mirelle was amongst them. A few minutes after they had disappeared from sight, the cat continued their journey.

Finally, Himitsu came to a stop outside an unmarked door and motioned for Zelgadis to wait. He stuck his head through the solid-looking structure, tail swishing gently back and forth in the hallway where the shaman was waiting. Finally, the cat pulled his head back, blinked at Zelgadis, and walked through the doorway.

This was it. Unconsciously, the shaman's astral body went through the motions of a deep breath and sigh before he too slipped through the opening.

* * * * *

He was in a large room with no walls. An enormous golden circle covered most of the floor, leaving only a small walkway around the outer edge of the room. From the circle rose an enormous sphere of white magic, shimmering yet translucent. Inside this cage…

It was Xellos, it had to be. A gigantic cone of pure energy, a still blackness darker than pitch orbited by swirling, crackling violet electric charges hovered in the center of the sphere. Zelgadis knew that the creature would be completely unable to touch any part of the glowing white magic without damaging its, for lack of a better word, skin. The violet energy pulsed in a manner that was indescribably sexual, a soft whisper of mysteries and secrets told in the dark, the rhythm that of a lover perpetually hovering on the brink of climax. Always in motion and yet always at total rest, the contradiction of his form exposed the chaotic nature of the trickster. It was no wonder he chose never to be seen in any other than human form.

Why was this scene so familiar, but wrong? For a brief instant it was if their positions had reversed; Zelgadis was in a cage, but an iron one and it was Xellos who looked in from the outside... The shaman's head began to throb and pressure seemed to build up behind his eyes until he thought his head would explode.

The still center of the Mazoku began to turn, or else the energies swirling around him stopped, and two amethyst eyes, glowing brighter than the orbiting energy, pinned the shaman completely to the spot.

Zelgadis knew he hated the being before him. At least, he thought he did, but the trapped creature elicited none of the rage, hatred, anger and fear the chimera associated with the purple-haired human form of the priest. Instead, Zelgadis felt ashamed, dirty, and used up.

The battle in the shaman's mind became an all-out war. Eventually he became aware that he was slowly walking forward. He was drawn to the imprisoned Mazoku by a force he was unable to question. The chimera tried to stand his ground, but in this realm his fractured thoughts held little power. He was fascinated, hypnotized like a mouse being devoured by a snake. The barrier that was so effective in caging Xellos was little more than a tingle of energy against his blue skin as the chimera finally stepped through it and into darkness.

The moment he had stepped across the threshold of Xellos' prison, Zelgadis' senses, vague and unreliable though they had been in this plane, were cut off entirely. He existed only in the space between thoughts, a wisp of nothing in a cold emptiness that existed merely because Xellos allowed it and felt only that which the trickster allowed him to feel.

Then the violation began. It was everything Zelgadis had ever feared Xellos would do to him and worse. A tendril of thought snaked it's way into the shaman's mind, forcing him open, exposing all his thoughts. Wordlessly he screamed, begging and pleading the Mazoku to not do this, to please not hurt him, to stop.

* * * * *

With a soft purr, Himitsu settled himself comfortably, his eyes never leaving the door. It was up to Xellos now, but there wouldn't be much time before the Ryuzoku returned to finish what they had begun. This assignment had turned out to be much more dangerous than he had originally expected, but there was little doubt it would be worth his while. If he survived.

* * * * *

Xellos couldn't stop his violation of Zelgadis. He didn't even want to. Recent events had given the demon plenty of time to think, having nothing else to do when resting between painful battles with Mirelle for his mind. Enough time had passed since that first terrible moment of betrayal for the priest to realize that something was horribly wrong with the shaman. The chimera could certainly be a bastard and was cold enough to refrigerate Hell, but he simply didn't have the self-esteem to realize his power over Xellos in that manner. Now the priest simply needed to prove that he was right and try to fix the damage done to his chimera. There was only one option available in the limited time they had until his tormentor returned and it would probably prove quite…satisfying.

He was going to take his love apart, piece by piece if necessary. He had been unable to harm Zelgadis before, bound by feelings the demon had never asked for and certainly didn't enjoy, but now he had the chance to get his own back. The Mazoku had offered the shaman everything that he was, but that hadn't been enough. The wretched chimera had preferred to wallow in self-pity.

The priest wondered why the Zelgadis had come in the first place. To gloat? To see the most powerful Mazoku outside the original five Lords reduced to such a state that he couldn't even keep control over his form? He decided it didn't matter; the question was certainly going to be answered soon enough.

Spurred on by thoughts of his humiliation, he ruthlessly invaded Zelgadis' mind. At first Xellos drank in the chimera's mental screams and sobs eagerly. He would have preferred to savor them, but his hunger was too great. An idea occurred to him; had he been in human form, he would have smirked. Sex had been the weapon that had gotten him into this pinch, and it would make an excellent choice for retaliation. He quickly located Zelgadis' pleasure center and flooded it with sensations. Pain and pleasure assaulted the chimera, both so intense that he was completely unable to offer any further inconvenient resistance to the Mazoku's invasion.

Xellos expanded himself within Zelgadis' mind, eagerly exploring all the shadowy places the shaman did not like to look at himself, things he would never have chosen to share, the darkest thoughts and corners of his mind. The trickster paused momentarily when he came to the chimera's most secret nighttime fantasies, curiosity warring with the need to get this over with quickly. He decided to allow himself a brief peek, but was shocked to find only a fresh scar where these thoughts belonged. As Zelgadis had become undeniably aroused during their tryst, Xellos knew the chimera was not asexual. This, then, was the conclusive evidence of tampering he had been looking for.

Xellos' anger dimmed even as his hunger was appeased and he eased up a little on his victim. Having a direction in which to focus his search, he was able to very quickly find the implanted memories. Once he realized the nature of what the chimera had gone though, he greatly feared that Zelgadis had been taken from him forever.

If the trickster had been angry before, it was nothing compared to the sheer rage that flooded him now. A hoarse cry was ripped from Zelgadis' throat as the demonic being around and inside of him screamed his rage and began rummaging even more roughly through the chimera's mind, desperately looking for the thoughts and feelings that had been stolen.

The search took too long. One sharp hiss from Himitsu followed by the kitten's disappearance did not provide enough warning for Xellos to disentangle himself from Zelgadis. Reacting quickly, the priest pulled the shaman even more deeply within himself, hiding his love within his ghostlike astral body. He sent the dazed and whimpering shaman a serious warning to keep quiet for both their sakes, then faced his tormentor.

The blue-eyed Ryuzoku stepped in lightly, choosing to appear in human form to mock her captive's weakness. A smile that was ostensibly warm and comforting graced her features and she moved confidently, completely assured of success. Xellos was hers, weakened and trapped without access to the negative energy he would need to heal.

Xellos braced himself. These little sessions had been far from pleasant; instead of using more conventional (and enjoyable) methods of torture, the Ryuzoku had been slowly poisoning him with white magic, burning him alive in an attempt to leave him a hollow shell, a powerful zombie that would gladly do her bidding. He reflected that in essence it was not very different from what she had done to his Zelgadis, only more painful.

"Are you ready to repent?" Mirelle asked softly. It was a little game she played with every visit. It would have been impossible for Xellos to agree to her demands, for what she wanted ran against his very nature, like asking a bird to become a fish. She chuckled softly when Xellos refused to give her the satisfaction of an answer and went quickly to work.

* * * * *

Long past the point where he was even able to hope for relief, the pain stopped. Zelgadis tried to gather his scattered thoughts. A tremor shook the darkness around him, making him realize that he was still inside Xellos. He could still feel the monster in his mind, his touch only a light caress now, a balm that soothed the violated portions of his mind.

Slowly, he began to approach something resembling rational thought. Pulling himself together, he realized that he could now see which of his memories were not real, could remember his dreams of being tormented by Xellos and how Mirelle had used them. He had achieved his purpose in coming, even though the cost was greater than he could ever have imagined.

But there were still too many pieces missing. Most notably, if his memories of Xellos' abuse were false, where were the real ones? Was Xellos a friend or an enemy? The monster had just hurt him badly, raped his mind. It should have been unforgivable, but it seemed that the act, although unspeakably horrible, had also brought clarity. Carefully, he followed the touch on his mind, surprised when it led him out of himself and into Xellos. He could not see much, did not have to, to realize that the monster was suffering and taking additional harm protecting the shaman from the pain.

*Quiet! Stay back or she will see you! I will finish with you later.* Xellos' voice snapped irritably through the connection even as his body trembled from another onslaught. Searing, white-hot pain unaccompanied by any pleasure was carried through the link with these words.

Anything that was responsible for causing Xellos that much pain would be too much for Zelgadis to handle. He withdrew, wondering with fear just what would happen to him when Xellos "finished".

* * * * *

After what seemed like an eternity, Mirelle was finally exhausted. Xellos played up his injuries, feigning near mental collapse even though he had regained a great portion of his strength from Zelgadis' suffering. It wasn't as much of an act as the demon would have liked. The demon had taken more damage in hiding the chimera than he normally did during these encounters.

Frowning as though she sensed something was not right, the fatigued Ryuzoku marched stiffly out of the room.

It was time for Xellos to finish his work with the shaman. Gently, he brushed Zelgadis' mind. There would be more time now and he would not have to hurt his precious chimera quite so much…assuming there was anything left of his chimera to hurt. If there wasn't, he would still need to force the other to help him escape, but would kill him immediately afterwards. It was the least he could do for his love.

He was not surprised when Zelgadis did the mental equivalent of curling up into a fetal ball at his first attempt at contact. Xellos tried once more, his thoughts soft and non-threatening. *I do not want to hurt you again, but I need your help.*

Slowly, Zelgadis uncurled himself. His thoughts were hesitant, almost childlike. *I don't know what to believe. There are still parts of me missing and I feel so empty. I can't go on like this, but I am afraid of the pain.*

*Let me help. Open your mind.* Before, Xellos had been a terrifying intruder, a nightmare of sex and death from which it had been impossible to hide. Now the demon -was- the hiding place, a moonless night that conceals illicit lovers involved in dangerous affairs. He was death, but death as the merciful release from pain.

* * * * *

Zelgadis had nothing to lose. He relaxed, opening himself to the embrace. This time the invasion was gentle, loving. Again, the demon manipulated the chimera's pleasure center, but this time the touch started a fire that warmed Zelgadis' entire being. Every place inside the chimera that Xellos touched left him with the warm feeling of a secret shared between friends, loneliness released through contact with another.

It was wonderful. He wanted to reciprocate, so he began to retrace the path he had taken through their connection, clumsily trying to make love to the demon in this new, foreign way.

Xellos froze at the first light touch on his mind, overwhelmed with fear even while seized with an equally strong temptation. He wanted to let the chimera continue, wanted the completion more badly than the demon had ever wanted anything in his long life, but he couldn't allow it. If Zelgadis' hidden memories were released, if the shaman's contempt and disgust for all Mazoku and Xellos in particular were freed during the encounter… The demon did not think he could deal with it.

Gently, he stopped Zelgadis. *Just relax. We need to heal you first. You can touch me later, if you still want to.*

Zelgadis stopped his attempts. Relieved, Xellos continued his search. He was desperate and about to give up, exhausted from both his torture and the effects of giving pleasure, an act foreign to his nature. However, just at that moment he found a locked door deep within Zelgadis' psyche. There was no gentle way in. Zelgadis himself could not open this door, even if he wanted to.

Elation fueled by hope energized the Mazoku. He barely remembered to give warning to the shaman of impending pain before blowing the door away.

He had found the right place. Images assaulted him. Memories, thoughts and feelings whirled within the confines of Zelgadis' mind, caught like objects in a tornado. At the center of it all, there was just one simple emotion. Had Xellos been physically able to cry, he would have been weeping.

Zelgadis truly loved him, with a depth that made the priest almost humble.

Everything seemed to stop for a time as Xellos savored the experience. Finally, he remembered his purpose and began to separate himself from the confused chimera. *It will take you some time to recover and reorient yourself, but you will be fine. Please, go now. They could be back any minute.*

*Not without you.* Zelgadis responded automatically, his mind spinning as he tried to absorb years of memories and experiences in a single minute.

*There is nothing you can do here. I need my staff to escape. Please find it and bring it to me. Now go, before they find you!*

Zelgadis blinked. He was back in Xellos' prison, a single entity once more. Himitsu was waiting impatiently to take him back. "I love you." He whispered as he followed the cat through the doorway.

* * * * *

~End Part 2