Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Slayers meet Cthulhu ❯ Remembrances of Anchordom ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Remembrances of Anchordom or the Blue Man and the Sea

Okay, I can't believe I'm actually continuing this fanfic after my
experience with the first part. I must be insane. Anyway, all
secondary characters have been placed in solitary confinement and will
go back there once they're done with their scenes. The main characters
have been severely threatened so hopefully they won't interrupt.
Anyway, here we go...

Zel: I hate water, I hate water, and I hate water!

Amelia: Huh?

Lina: Zel, what are you talking about?

Zel: Why did the damn city have to be submerged? I hate water!

Amelia: What city, Mr. Zelgadis? Are we going to a submerged city?

Lina: Is there treasure?

Gourry: I'm confused.

Lina: As usual. But for once, so are we. Zel, care to explain?

Zel: Um, Gourry and I are going boating tomorrow.

Lina: Why?

Gourry; Guys' Day Out. We're going fishing.

Lina: I repeat, why? Zel hates fishing, boating, and all water sports.

Amelia: That's right, Mr. Zelgadis. You sink.

Zel: Don't remind me.

Lina: So why are you going fishing? I want an answer.

Zel slowly turns bright, bright red while the others watch fascinated.
The author decides to save Zel's butt by interrupting.

Author: Zel and Gourry are going fishing, and Lina and Amelia are
going to the festival because I say so. I have god-like powers, so do
not incite my wrath. <Evil laugh>

Lina: Dragon Slave!

Author: Ow! Okay, next fic is hentai between you and the fish man. And
it's now that time of the month. Suffer, puny mortal, suffer.

Lina: I'll kill you.

Author snaps her fingers and suddenly there is a large locked steamer
trunk where Lina was standing. The truck rocks back and forth and
muffled curses can be heard from inside.

Author: I should have written myself god-like powers sooner. This
rocks!

Amelia: Evildoer, feel the righteous hand of justice.

Author snaps fingers and a second trunk appears next to the first.

Author: I've wanted to do that for aeons. Okay, on to the fishing.

Zel: I hate water!

Author: Blame H. P. Lovecraft. He's the one who submerged R'lyeh. Just
be glad I'm going to be nice to you. No discovering that one of your
ancestors interbred with horrible fish things. You're actually quite
lucky.

Zel: That's what scares me.

Author: Fade out and close scene.

It's a bright and sunny day. Zel and Gourry are sitting in a small
sailboat. Their captain is a repellent fishy-looking person. Zel is
sitting against the mast and looking slightly green. The author is
sitting in the bow, talking with Gourry about the problems of
omniscient narration. Well, actually the author is talking, and Gourry
is listening with a puzzled look on his face.

Author: Hi. I decided to write myself into this part. It seemed like a
better idea then having Xellos pop in to tell our heroes what they
need to know. It was either Washu, Rezo, or I. Rezo's not currently
answering my calls and Washu was booked, so Zel and Gourry are stuck
with me.

Zel: Oh, joy.

Author: Shush. Anyway, to get started, what's our latitude and
longitude?

Zel: What?

Author: Where are we?

Gourry: On the ocean.

Author: I knew that. The water was a pretty big clue. But where on the
ocean are we?

Captain: You're right where you should be.

Author: So that's either right over R'lyeh or nowhere near it. That's
helpful. Okay, now we wait.

Zel: Why are we waiting?

Author: R'lyeh needs to rise, unless you had your heart set on
swimming to it. I have scuba gear, but I'm not sure how we'd get you
back off the bottom. Maybe we could pull you up like an anchor.

Zel: No, we'll wait. No rush.

Four hours later...

Gourry: I'm hungry.

Zel: I'm wet.

Author: I'm not getting sunburned! I love this place.

A stomach growls really loudly.

Author: Here are the rods, here's the bait, and there's the grill.
Have fun. I'm going swimming, and when I get back, there'd better be a
fish dinner. Zel, you're in charge of making sure Gourry doesn't eat
it all.

The author dives into the ocean and swims off. Gourry and Zel look at
each other, grab poles, and start fishing.

The sun is setting into the sea. Gourry is fishing and Zel is cooking.
The author is lying out on the deck and drying off. Clothes, most of
them Gourry's, are lying on top of the cabin.

Author: Gourry, what are most of your clothes on top of the cabin?

Gourry: I fell in.

Author: And Zel, what happened to your shirt?

Zel: It got soaked when I pulled Gourry back in. Why?

Author: Just curious. <In an undertone> Man, I love being the author.

Zel: So when's R'lyeh going to rise?

Author: When the stars are right.

Zel: Which is?

Author: When the stars come out, I'll tell you.

Gourry: When will dinner be ready?

Zel: Soon. Where's the captain?

Author: I dunno.

Zel: Aren't you an omnipotent narrator?

Author: Yup.

Zel: So you know.

Author: Don't spoil the plot.

Gourry: I'm hungry.

Zel: Okay, dinner.

About two hours later...

Zel: So when will the stars be right?

Author: Oops!

Zel: Why oops? What oops? What did you do?

Author: It's just a slight miscalculation.

Zel: What?

Author: In my universe, given your star configuration about two months
ago, the stars would be right tonight. Apparently your stars don't
move as fast as ours, possibly due to a lower value of the gravitation
constant.

Zel: The gravitation constant?

Author: Usually symbolized by a capital G ...<realizes she's putting
the readers to sleep> Never mind. Do you want a physics lesson or do
you want me to cut to the heart of the matter?

Zel: Normally, the physics lesson, but the reader might argue. So cut
to the chase and you can put the physics lesson in at the end.

Author: Judging by the stars' current positions<pulls a supercomputer
out of katana space> hold this, Gourry. Just let me make a few
calculations...I'm about a hundred years off.

Zel: WHAT? I went on this stupid boat and got seasick and soaking wet
for nothing!!!

Author: Relax, Zel. Omnipotent narrator, remember. I'll just move the
cosmos around until the stars are right. So, I'll go do that, and when
there's an earthquake, R'lyeh has risen. It's been great hanging out
with you guys, and if you'll just sign this Polaroid, I'll been on my
way.

Zel: Wait, where did you get... You give me that picture right now!

Author: Sorry, Zel. Bye Gourry. Enjoy the rest of the story.

Zel: Hey, give me that picture...Never mind, she's gone.

Gourry: What was the picture of?

Zel: Never mind. Let's go to bed.

Tune in next time for Oh, Goody, Weird Fish People, or Give my Regards
to Cthulhu

Now, the promised Physics lesson (feel free to skip this)

Newton's Universal Law of Gravitation

F=G (m1*m2)/r2

m1 and m2 are the masses involved, r is the distance between them, G
is the gravitation constant and F is the force of gravity between the
two masses.

Thus, if G is less, F is smaller. Since F also equals ma, the speed
with which two objects pulled together by gravity move is related to
the acceleration (a=change in velocity divided by time), which is
related to the force and is thus also related to G.

2 Easy way to get word to do a squared