Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Arrow, Bequeath my Heart ❯ Chapter 7
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Oreana Date 
Non Anime: Sonic Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Adventure / Drama / Hentai / Fantasy | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 09.01.2013 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 190 | Status: Completed
Non Anime: Sonic Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Adventure / Drama / Hentai / Fantasy | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 09.01.2013 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 190 | Status: Completed
It was quite the ride to Dawnstar from where Winterhold was, but Thunderhawk inwardly griped about the distance as he worried what could have possibly happened to his only child to the point the two guards couldn’t find the words to even tell him beyond saying an ‘accident’. Doing his best to dodge the naked branches in his path, Thunderhawk soon saw the small Village of Dawnstar coming into view. I’m coming, Janelle-Li…! Just hold on! he begged mentally as he soon heard the guards at the entrance announcing his arrival.
Silverstar tore through the snowy village to make it towards the jarl’s court. Thunderhawk dismounted before his steed even managed to stop. Tearing into the room, he saw many of the royal court turn to look at the King of Winterhold with a somber expression. “Where is my daughter…!” he demanded to know as he pushed his way through his daughter’s subjects.
Janelle-Li’s captain of the guard quickly made his way to Thunderhawk to try and stop the elder from getting any closer to the scene to explain what happened, but the guardian was quick to push him harshly to the side to see his daughter lying there motionless on the floor with her pink dreadlocks spilled about the cold, hard floor. Inhaling sharply at the sight of her there, he felt his legs fail to support him much further as he fell to his knees there beside her body.
“My Lord, let me explain—,” the Captain of Dawnstar began.
“What happened to my daughter…?” Thunderhawk demanded to know, his voice trembling as he spoke. His fingers clenching into fists there in his lap, he lowered his head to hide his growing sadness.
“It was the Dark Brotherhood, my Lord,” the doe house jarl explained somberly from where she stood nearby. “They had…corrupted one of our own, and our former high mage poisoned her…”
Thunderhawk was quiet for a moment, his hands moving to his face to hide his tears of pain. “Who could do this…?” Turning around to the nearby court, he roared with unimaginable misery in his words: “WHO COULD DO THIS MY DAUGHTER!”
The entire court looked at one another with a bit of guilt that they were unable to stop it or even see the signs in their high mage’s growing corruption.
“Janelle-Li…” Thunderhawk practically whimpered as he maneuvered his arm underneath her body, which he could feel it was hollow and cold with soullessness. To feel for himself that she was indeed gone was almost more then his old heart could bear. Holding her tightly to his body, which shook with his uncontrollable sobs, he buried his face into her golden hair. “I am so sorry, sweetheart. Daddy’s sorry he wasn’t here…”
The royal court was quiet as they allowed the guardian to grieve over the loss of his child as they quietly joined in doing so over the loss of their Queen.
Sara-Li’s worry-filled purple eyes looked to the distant, snowy road beyond Winterhold College in hopes she would see Lord Thunderhawk’s steed approaching once more. It was almost dark, and he had yet to return. Looking up to her father, she sighed softly. “He’s not coming back…is he…?”
Devon furrowed his brow at his youngest child, wishing he had something positive to say. “All we can do is keep up hope that nothing ill has fallen Lady Janelle-Li, sweetheart.” Seeing her rest her chin upon her overlapped arms on the snow covered cobblestone wall, he smiled at his daughter best he could. “Come on, Sara-Li,” Devon insisted with his hand upon her back. “You really shouldn’t be out in this cold for too long.” Devon escorted Sara back to their living space. “We should sit down for dinner soon anyways.”
Holding onto her father’s arm, Sara-Li kept her eyes fixated on the iron gate entrance until it was obscured by the archway, which led into their living quarters. Opening the door to their room, Devon smiled a greeting to his son and wife before greeting Jade-Li with a loving yet brief kiss upon her lips.
Jade-Li noticed the way Sara was holding herself and couldn’t help but ask her husband: “Lord Thunderhawk hasn’t returned?”
Devon merely shook his head. “I’ll heat up dinner, my love. It shouldn’t take long.” He tapped Jade-Li’s nose teasingly. Grabbing up the sack of food that Sara-Li had brought home that day, he ventured out of their bedroom and to the shared living space just beyond their door to use the fire for a bit.
Cyrus looked from his dad to his little sister to notice she was looking at the same page for quite some time. Hinting she was doing her best to avoid being asked anything or even bothered. Crawling onto the bed, Cyrus didn’t ask her anything or say anything. The light-brown echidna wrapped his arms about her in a comforting way as he knew Sara-Li was merely worried about the vague circumstances that called Thunderhawk away.
Feeling her elder brother’s arms around her, Sara-Li wanted to push him away as she wasn’t in the mood to be comforted, but there was something about his embrace that always relaxed her. Putting her book down, she held Cyrus tightly in return with a soft sigh. “Thanks, big brother,” Sara whispered.
Cyrus didn’t respond. He merely smiled to himself.
Sara-Li attempted to eat when her father returned with dinner a few moments later. She couldn’t help but continue to replay the moment where Thunderhawk left so swiftly on Silverstar, leaving the guards to escort her back to her parents. He seemed so scared and worried that it actually rattled her. There was honestly hardly a time where Sara-Li could say that the strong guardian showed those emotions.
Seeing her daughter push aside her food, Jade-Li sighed quietly. “Sara, sweetie—you should eat,” Jade-Li whispered, gently nudging the plate back towards her child.
“I’m not hungry,” Sara-Li pouted, leaning back in her chair.
“Sara—.”
Sara-Li interrupted her mother quickly. “Excuse me, please.” Moving from the room, she made her way hastily back outside.
Seeing his wife about to get up and go after their daughter, Devon was quick to reach for Jade and keep her still. “Let her go, my love. She’s a maturing young woman who is conflicted with all these new emotions and realizations as she grows,” Devon explained in attempts to settle the growing worry in his lover’s eyes.
“There’s never been a moment I didn’t know how to calm my daughter,” Jade-Li said with a soft frown. It felt as though her child was becoming a foreign creature whom she shared a love for materially.
“She’s a teenager,” Devon pointed out with a lighthearted chuckle. “Cyrus went through his time of maturing, and I was at a loss just as you are going to be at a loss now.” Reaching for his wife’s hands, he held them with a tight squeeze to let her know he was there to support her. “She’s growing up. Sara-Li has to realize that even the strong will crumble at times.”
It was harder to see with the snow falling so heavily about twilight. Wrapping herself in her coat, Sara-Li saw that the light in Thunderhawk’s room remained out to indicate he hadn’t returned. Her periwinkle hair whipping about in the harsh winter winds, Sara expelled a somber sigh to herself as her entire body felt numb with worry. “Why would he just leave like that…Doesn’t he understand how worried I get for him, or does he bother to notice…?”
Troy as well couldn’t help but notice that Thunderhawk hadn’t returned from where he was about the top of the college. He knew that the elder had retreated to Dawnstar given the message the guards had given the royal court earlier in the day. From where he stood, he had a better view of Skyrim. His icy-blue eyes shifted downwards to the young Sara-Li to notice her worrying pace. He wanted to go down and comfort her, but he knew that if he tried, his words would just come out wrong, so he resisted. “Thunderhawk, where the hell are you…?” he grumbled, hating that he was becoming so dependant on the guardian.
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With the sun rising the next day in Dawnstar, Thunderhawk woke in his daughter’s bed. He was so drained from the endless crying and mourning he did over the loss of his daughter the previous day. As he opened his eyes, he wanted to believe, more than anything, that it was all just a nightmare—that Janelle-Li would merely come into the room a moment later to playfully scold him for sleeping in so late. As his old eyes looked about the room, he could remember clearly the time he used to rule Dawnstar. The playful and sweet giggling of his little girl echoing in the room was almost real in his depressive state.
“Daddy! Daddy!” Janelle-Li’s little voice called in the back of his mind as he imagined seeing her only seven-years-old running towards the bed with her arms open. “Get up, daddy!”
“Sire…?” Ulynda, the doe, called to him, causing the image to deteriorate. She saw that his eyes were glossed over, making her worried that the sorrow was so much for him that he had passed in the night. “Lord Thunderhawk, wake up…”
Blinking finally, Thunderhawk’s weary, blue eyes shifted upwards at the house jarl.
“Thank the Goddesses,” Ulynda breathed with relief, her gloved hand upon her chest to still her beating heart. “My Lord, we didn’t wish to go through with Lady Janelle-Li’s burial until we had your word and your attendance, if you desired to, that is…”
Thunderhawk moved himself slowly from where he rested upon his daughter’s bed. “I may be saddened by the loss of my daughter… but that doesn’t mean I do not wish to attend her burial.” Massaging the pain between his eyes, he did his best to prevent himself from crying again over the realization that Janelle-Li was gone. “Please…leave me to get prepared.”
Ulynda tilted her head with a curious raise of her brow. “My Lord, I can send Lady Janelle-Li’s servants in here to help you—.”
“No!” Thunderhawk quickly dismissed with a subtle growl at the idea. Seeing the startled look in the young doe’s eyes, he calmed his voice. “No…I can clean and dress myself.” Here, he gestured towards the door. “Leave me, please.”
“As you wish, my Lord,” Ulynda said understandingly with a bow before taking her leave.
After bathing, Thunderhawk found himself venturing about the palace with fond memories of his first wife and when he first held his little girl. It was the happiest moment for him to see his child there in his arms after many months of waiting. Every room he went to, he could easily remember seeing Janelle-Li at different stages of her life.
“Daddy?
Daddy, are you okay?
Wake up, daddy! I made you something!
You have to trust I can do this, dad! I can rule Dawnstar!
You really should take better care of yourself, father.
You just don’t want me to continue using my healing magic, you big baby, and here I thought you supported healers.
I love you too, dad.”
He hadn’t realized that his tears were soaking his muzzle and fur upon his chest once more as he thought on all the times he shared with her—the last moment in particular, as he wished he had spent more time with her than what he had. “I didn’t know that our time together was so short…if I had…” Thunderhawk took a deep breath to try and regain himself as he made his way out of the Dawnstar palace.
Seeing his daughter lying there to be prepared to be buried with the other previous rulers of Dawnstar was hard for Thunderhawk to accept. Upon finding his feet, he stepped forwards to touch the stiff, cold hand of his child with a shaky breath. “I’m sorry I can’t be with you, Janelle-Li, as you transcend to the other world,” he whispered, his words heavy with his feelings of loss. “You were not supposed to die before me…I wasn’t prepared for this,” Thunderhawk cried, his body shaking as he kept her hand within his own regardless of how much the rigid and icy hand reminded him that she was dead.
Taking in a deep breath, the elder attempted to regain himself as he continued. “Allow me to be selfish for a mere moment.” His fingers wrapping about the bracelet she wore on her left wrist, Thunderhawk removed it to take it for himself. “I merely wanted a piece of you to take home with me…” Sniffling back his sadness, he shook his head with regret. “I am afraid I don’t have anything to give you but my love.” Thunderhawk leaned forwards to kiss Janelle-Li’s forehead.
The captain of the guard wondered how to approach the Jarl of Winterhold until clearing his throat to do so. “My Lord, I promise, we will drive the Dark Brotherhood out of Dawnstar…”
“I want you to rid Skyrim of them,” Thunderhawk demanded angrily, even if it was merely his emotions asking of such an impossible task. “It will be a cold day in hell should I let them take anything precious from me again. If you need the aid of my men, I will send them, but…my people…my people need me, so I cannot help in any other way.”
The captain could see that it pained Thunderhawk to say such a thing, as he no doubt wanted to see the Dark Brotherhood die for such a horrible act on his daughter. “We will do everything we can, sire,” the male echidna promised as he dug the butt of his spear into the snowy ground. “If anything, we will cut their numbers, and they won’t have a foot to stand on when it comes to their twisted operation in Skyrim.”
“Do whatever you can. Just make them pay for this,” Thunderhawk said darkly as he wanted revenge for what had befell his child. “Ulynda will take the throne of Dawnstar for now. That is my order as I lack any guardians to send here to take it in the mean time.” Turning to the captain, he pointed at the man irritably. “Guard her well. If I hear the Dark Brotherhood has struck again, I will be forced to take matters into my own hands, and I lack the funds and army to wage an all out war against these bastards.”
The captain of the guarded nodded, wishing to redeem himself in the eyes of the guardian. “I won’t let you down again, sire. I swear it.”
Thunderhawk knew it wasn’t something that could easily be stopped or even predicted. As easy as it would be to blame everyone for their mistakes, he left Dawnstar slowly that coming evening after his daughter’s burial and the temporary crowning of Ulynda. He didn’t have it in him to ride briskly back to Winterhold with his heart weighing down the idea.
Sara-Li had the worst time trying to think of sleep that night. Tiptoeing from the bed she shared with her mother, she made her way back out into the blistering cold of Winterhold to see that the guardian’s light in his bedroom remained off still. Where is he…? Sara-Li wondered as she kept her coat wrapped tightly about her. The winter air was always worse around the evening hours, and the thick attire she wore was doing very little to stop the chill.
Looking to the guards at the nearby gate, Sara-Li marched over towards them with a curious raise of her brow. “E-Excuse me…?” Seeing the guards look down at her, she moved her periwinkle hair from her eyes. “Has Lord Thunderhawk returned yet…?” Perhaps he was merely sleeping and that was why his light wasn’t on.
“Not yet, child,” one of them answered. “You really should be in doors right now. It is far too late for one your age to be wandering around at this hour.”
Sighing, Sara-Li turned on her heels to head back to the bedroom only to stop when she heard the familiar sound of a horse trotting up the bridge. Even in the wee hours of the night, the guards announced the arrival of Thunderhawk while pushing open the iron gate for him. Turning back around, she hurried towards the entrance but kept a respectable distance incase the guardian came running through on his steed. When Thunderhawk came into view, she was about to run up to him to make sure everything was okay but stopped when she noticed his head lowered and the saddened look upon his face.
“Th-Thunderhawk…?” Sara-Li called, noticing the horse stop for a moment at her calling to him. Her curious yet worried eyes looking up at him, she didn’t even bother to ask if something was wrong, as she knew all too well that something bad had happened. “What…what happened…?”
Thunderhawk didn’t have the heart to explain it so soon. Opening his mouth to even attempt to do so was painful on its own, and with the tears threatening to spill over again, he nudged his stallion forwards to head to the doors, which would lead him into the college and take him to his room for the day.
Sara-Li felt her chest tighten. Seeing him so upset and so broken was like seeing her fairytale crumble around her. Bringing her hand up to her eyes, she felt her tears sting worse than usually as the icy wind bit at the salty tears that spilled over her eyes and crept down her cheeks.
Devon watched from the shadowed overhang of the college as his daughter tried to understand that not everybody was as strong as they seemed. His heart aching at the sight of her there, he ventured over to her to hug his child tightly from behind. “It’ll be okay, Sara-Li,” he whispered tenderly to her before kissing her tear stained cheek.
Turning to her father, she held him tightly as she sobbed softly at the idea a ruler such as Thunderhawk could show such emotions. It was hard for her young mind to wrap around. “I’ve never seen him so hurt before, daddy…”
“Even rulers can face feelings such as loss, anger, and jealousy,” Devon explained to his teenage daughter as he kept a tight hold onto her. “Your mother and I do as well, but we do our best to hide it from you and your brother.”
“Will he be okay…?” Sara-Li asked with a furrow of her brow.
“Of course he will,” Devon said with a tender smile. “Just give him time to recover, sweetheart.” Keeping Sara close to his side, he escorted her towards their room. “Come, let’s get you out of the cold and back to bed.”
Sara-Li did as her father suggested but not without looking back up at Thunderhawk’s bedroom window once more. She did see the light come on, and while it was a comfort to know he was back at Winterhold, it was still hard knowing he was upset and depressed over something regarding his daughter.
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The year that passed was agonizing for Sara-Li. While Troy lived nearby the ruler, he too was rarely seeing Thunderhawk venture beyond his bedroom door. Troy even became bold enough to knock on the double doors one day to try and give him food, but he found himself knocking and calling to the guardian for several hours until he just gave up. The next time he tried, he was turned away by guards who stood watch over the entrance of the bedroom door.
“So he’s not eating at all…?” Sara-Li asked Troy one day with a worried frown. She was exhausted from the anxiousness that continued to rake through her form. It had been so many suns and moons since either of them last saw him.
Troy shrugged as he continued to chop the onions he had in front of him on the cutting board. He was off of work, but he found cooking to be a fond passion of his, and it was something to keep his mind off of things. “The court has been talking a lot lately,” he whispered to her, even if they appeared to be the only ones in the kitchen. “They said that Lady Janelle-Li was murdered, and that is why Lord Thunderhawk is so upset and not showing his face.”
Sara-Li and the others outside the court were unaware as to what was going on to cause Thunderhawk to react in such a way. “His daughter died…? D-Do you know what happened to cause it…?”
“I don’t know,” Troy sighed, as he finished with the onions and moved them off the cutting board and into the tomato soup he was making for himself, though would possibly pass some to Sara-Li, as she was looking sickly lately. “They won’t talk about it. The house jarl is trying to keep things together with the high priest, Baltheer.” Pouring a bowl of the soup after stirring it a bit more, he offered it over to Sara-Li. “You should eat. You look like crap.”
She didn’t have the energy to get cross with Troy at his comment as she accepted his soup. “Thank you,” Sara whispered, taking the spoon he offered her next.
“You might want to add pepper to it next, but I don’t know. Some people like it because it adds more flavor,” said Troy as he poured himself his own bowl.
Sara-Li took her soup and sat down on one of the benches in the kitchen to try and enjoy herself and take her mind off of things. After taking one sip, she leaned back against the stone wall to recollect herself.
“C’mon, it’s not that bad,” Troy teased as he sat down beside her. When she didn’t even crack a smile, he twisted his mouth to the side in thought on what to do. He knew being a bit frustrated with her came second nature, but she was so weak and fragile, that he didn’t want to make it worse for her by just being his usual self. “It’s going to be okay,” Troy insisted with a furrow of his brow. “Thunderhawk isn’t dead. He’s just saddened…he lost his daughter…”
“I should be more understanding of it but…it feels like he doesn’t care about me, you know?” Sara-Li said, her voice trembling a bit as she spoke. “I guess I feel like his child that he just cast out because he lost his favorite…” The more she focused on her words, the more selfish she was beginning to realize she sounded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t speak like that…”
Troy was quiet for a second until shaking his head at her apology. “I felt the same way when it came to my cooking. He always would sneak down and steal food from Ivan, and not once would he eat my food or bother to eat the food I helped prepare. I felt like his son who wasn’t good enough.”
“You know he never felt that way,” said Sara-Li reassuringly as she reached over to hold his right thigh tightly. “He always liked everything you did. I just don’t think he had the time to show you he did.”
Feeling her hand there on his thigh made Troy’s heart race and his breathing almost hasten. He ended up casually moving his legs closer to one another to politely ask in a non-verbal way to remove her hand. “I know,” he said softly with a brief smile upon his muzzle.
After eating the soup Troy had prepared for her, Sara-Li found herself heading back to Thunderhawk’s bedroom door. The guards were no longer there, making Sara-Li relieved she wouldn’t have to put up with them as she ventured to the bedroom door to knock upon it. “Lord Thunderhawk…? It’s me, Sara-Li…I just want to talk to you…”
It was quiet on the other side. She heard no sound indicating that the elder was heading for the bedroom door to let her in. Sara waited for a moment, knocking once more in hopes he would answer her. She stopped soon enough when she heard the sound of feet traveling across the floor on the other side to make it to the intricately decorated doors. Her heart raced as the doorknob moved finally to open and reveal a much older looking Thunderhawk. Sara-Li caught her breath at the wrinkles she didn’t notice before about his mouth and how his once brown beard turned white as snow—mismatching his brown colored eyebrows.
“You can come in, Sara-Li,” he whispered, his voice still sounding the same as he spoke.
Sara-Li stepped into the bedroom, unable to keep her eyes off of him in the process. “Thunderhawk…what…happened…?”
His weary eyes, which showed much heaviness in them still with the sadness he felt over losing his daughter a year ago, looked down at Sara with curiousness in them before realizing she was probably meaning that broadly. “I lost my only daughter to the Dark Brotherhood a year ago,” he answered, heading back to his bed behind the slightly curved cobblestone barrier. “Losing her was…it was hard…”
“It was only a year, but you look old,” Sara-Li came right out to say. “I thought guardians couldn’t age.”
“We age slower than most,” Thunderhawk answered with a sideways smile. “Because we have an unnatural lifespan, our emotions choose how quickly we age. Since I lost my daughter…I slipped into despair, and my body aged from the sorrow that crippled me. I was just too ashamed to show what had become of myself in the process of grieving.”
Sara-Li made her way towards Thunderhawk to hug him tightly as she buried her face into his chest. “I was so worried about you…!” she sobbed, her body trembling as she did so. “I was so scared that you were just going to die…!”
Feeling her tears soak his tunic, Thunderhawk embraced her tightly in return to let her know he was there. “I am sorry, little Sara,” he whispered apologetically upon her periwinkle hair. “I didn’t mean to worry you so.” Feeling how thin she was against her baggy clothing, he hated the thought that he had caused her to worry so much. “Sara-Li, you are so thin.” Thunderhawk examined Sara-Li at arm’s length to get a better look at her as she did the same with him and his new ‘aged’ appearance.
“I couldn’t eat,” Sara-Li hiccupped as she wiped her teary cheeks with her sleeves. “I was so scared you were going to just waste away, and I wouldn’t see you again…”
Thunderhawk had a hard time realizing that it had been a year since he last saw her and Troy. He knew Troy must be cross with him too, as he lost count of the times he heard the young boy come to his bedroom door to try and get the elder to surface. While it would have been easy to open his mouth to defend himself, Thunderhawk knew he didn’t have a good excuse to avoid everyone for so long. Smiling at Sara-Li briefly, he reached over to help dry her eyes. “How about you, Troy, and I all go out on a picnic not far from Winterhold? I hadn’t been outside in so long now, and I could use a good time away from here.”
“A-Are you sure…?” Sara-Li asked, not wanting to intrude on his grieving, but she wanted him to recover and talk to people again—be happy once more.
Gesturing to the door, Thunderhawk continued. “Go get Troy. It’s been too long since our last lesson anyways. Not that I plan on us doing much casting, mind you, but we can at least discuss a few things.”
“I will get Troy then!” Sara-Li said excitedly as she excused herself from the room. “I will be right back!”
Thunderhawk pushed himself up off of the bed and wandered towards the door slowly with a smile. “I will come with you. We have to get food together, anyways, for the picnic.” Reaching for Sara’s hand, he held it tightly, as he realized how much he needed to just hold onto someone again and feel contact with someone beyond his guards and royal court.
---------------------------------------------AuthorR 17;s Notes: I thank Aqua111 on DA for the idea that sadness/loss causes the guardians to speed up a bit in aging.
Silverstar tore through the snowy village to make it towards the jarl’s court. Thunderhawk dismounted before his steed even managed to stop. Tearing into the room, he saw many of the royal court turn to look at the King of Winterhold with a somber expression. “Where is my daughter…!” he demanded to know as he pushed his way through his daughter’s subjects.
Janelle-Li’s captain of the guard quickly made his way to Thunderhawk to try and stop the elder from getting any closer to the scene to explain what happened, but the guardian was quick to push him harshly to the side to see his daughter lying there motionless on the floor with her pink dreadlocks spilled about the cold, hard floor. Inhaling sharply at the sight of her there, he felt his legs fail to support him much further as he fell to his knees there beside her body.
“My Lord, let me explain—,” the Captain of Dawnstar began.
“What happened to my daughter…?” Thunderhawk demanded to know, his voice trembling as he spoke. His fingers clenching into fists there in his lap, he lowered his head to hide his growing sadness.
“It was the Dark Brotherhood, my Lord,” the doe house jarl explained somberly from where she stood nearby. “They had…corrupted one of our own, and our former high mage poisoned her…”
Thunderhawk was quiet for a moment, his hands moving to his face to hide his tears of pain. “Who could do this…?” Turning around to the nearby court, he roared with unimaginable misery in his words: “WHO COULD DO THIS MY DAUGHTER!”
The entire court looked at one another with a bit of guilt that they were unable to stop it or even see the signs in their high mage’s growing corruption.
“Janelle-Li…” Thunderhawk practically whimpered as he maneuvered his arm underneath her body, which he could feel it was hollow and cold with soullessness. To feel for himself that she was indeed gone was almost more then his old heart could bear. Holding her tightly to his body, which shook with his uncontrollable sobs, he buried his face into her golden hair. “I am so sorry, sweetheart. Daddy’s sorry he wasn’t here…”
The royal court was quiet as they allowed the guardian to grieve over the loss of his child as they quietly joined in doing so over the loss of their Queen.
Sara-Li’s worry-filled purple eyes looked to the distant, snowy road beyond Winterhold College in hopes she would see Lord Thunderhawk’s steed approaching once more. It was almost dark, and he had yet to return. Looking up to her father, she sighed softly. “He’s not coming back…is he…?”
Devon furrowed his brow at his youngest child, wishing he had something positive to say. “All we can do is keep up hope that nothing ill has fallen Lady Janelle-Li, sweetheart.” Seeing her rest her chin upon her overlapped arms on the snow covered cobblestone wall, he smiled at his daughter best he could. “Come on, Sara-Li,” Devon insisted with his hand upon her back. “You really shouldn’t be out in this cold for too long.” Devon escorted Sara back to their living space. “We should sit down for dinner soon anyways.”
Holding onto her father’s arm, Sara-Li kept her eyes fixated on the iron gate entrance until it was obscured by the archway, which led into their living quarters. Opening the door to their room, Devon smiled a greeting to his son and wife before greeting Jade-Li with a loving yet brief kiss upon her lips.
Jade-Li noticed the way Sara was holding herself and couldn’t help but ask her husband: “Lord Thunderhawk hasn’t returned?”
Devon merely shook his head. “I’ll heat up dinner, my love. It shouldn’t take long.” He tapped Jade-Li’s nose teasingly. Grabbing up the sack of food that Sara-Li had brought home that day, he ventured out of their bedroom and to the shared living space just beyond their door to use the fire for a bit.
Cyrus looked from his dad to his little sister to notice she was looking at the same page for quite some time. Hinting she was doing her best to avoid being asked anything or even bothered. Crawling onto the bed, Cyrus didn’t ask her anything or say anything. The light-brown echidna wrapped his arms about her in a comforting way as he knew Sara-Li was merely worried about the vague circumstances that called Thunderhawk away.
Feeling her elder brother’s arms around her, Sara-Li wanted to push him away as she wasn’t in the mood to be comforted, but there was something about his embrace that always relaxed her. Putting her book down, she held Cyrus tightly in return with a soft sigh. “Thanks, big brother,” Sara whispered.
Cyrus didn’t respond. He merely smiled to himself.
Sara-Li attempted to eat when her father returned with dinner a few moments later. She couldn’t help but continue to replay the moment where Thunderhawk left so swiftly on Silverstar, leaving the guards to escort her back to her parents. He seemed so scared and worried that it actually rattled her. There was honestly hardly a time where Sara-Li could say that the strong guardian showed those emotions.
Seeing her daughter push aside her food, Jade-Li sighed quietly. “Sara, sweetie—you should eat,” Jade-Li whispered, gently nudging the plate back towards her child.
“I’m not hungry,” Sara-Li pouted, leaning back in her chair.
“Sara—.”
Sara-Li interrupted her mother quickly. “Excuse me, please.” Moving from the room, she made her way hastily back outside.
Seeing his wife about to get up and go after their daughter, Devon was quick to reach for Jade and keep her still. “Let her go, my love. She’s a maturing young woman who is conflicted with all these new emotions and realizations as she grows,” Devon explained in attempts to settle the growing worry in his lover’s eyes.
“There’s never been a moment I didn’t know how to calm my daughter,” Jade-Li said with a soft frown. It felt as though her child was becoming a foreign creature whom she shared a love for materially.
“She’s a teenager,” Devon pointed out with a lighthearted chuckle. “Cyrus went through his time of maturing, and I was at a loss just as you are going to be at a loss now.” Reaching for his wife’s hands, he held them with a tight squeeze to let her know he was there to support her. “She’s growing up. Sara-Li has to realize that even the strong will crumble at times.”
It was harder to see with the snow falling so heavily about twilight. Wrapping herself in her coat, Sara-Li saw that the light in Thunderhawk’s room remained out to indicate he hadn’t returned. Her periwinkle hair whipping about in the harsh winter winds, Sara expelled a somber sigh to herself as her entire body felt numb with worry. “Why would he just leave like that…Doesn’t he understand how worried I get for him, or does he bother to notice…?”
Troy as well couldn’t help but notice that Thunderhawk hadn’t returned from where he was about the top of the college. He knew that the elder had retreated to Dawnstar given the message the guards had given the royal court earlier in the day. From where he stood, he had a better view of Skyrim. His icy-blue eyes shifted downwards to the young Sara-Li to notice her worrying pace. He wanted to go down and comfort her, but he knew that if he tried, his words would just come out wrong, so he resisted. “Thunderhawk, where the hell are you…?” he grumbled, hating that he was becoming so dependant on the guardian.
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With the sun rising the next day in Dawnstar, Thunderhawk woke in his daughter’s bed. He was so drained from the endless crying and mourning he did over the loss of his daughter the previous day. As he opened his eyes, he wanted to believe, more than anything, that it was all just a nightmare—that Janelle-Li would merely come into the room a moment later to playfully scold him for sleeping in so late. As his old eyes looked about the room, he could remember clearly the time he used to rule Dawnstar. The playful and sweet giggling of his little girl echoing in the room was almost real in his depressive state.
“Daddy! Daddy!” Janelle-Li’s little voice called in the back of his mind as he imagined seeing her only seven-years-old running towards the bed with her arms open. “Get up, daddy!”
“Sire…?” Ulynda, the doe, called to him, causing the image to deteriorate. She saw that his eyes were glossed over, making her worried that the sorrow was so much for him that he had passed in the night. “Lord Thunderhawk, wake up…”
Blinking finally, Thunderhawk’s weary, blue eyes shifted upwards at the house jarl.
“Thank the Goddesses,” Ulynda breathed with relief, her gloved hand upon her chest to still her beating heart. “My Lord, we didn’t wish to go through with Lady Janelle-Li’s burial until we had your word and your attendance, if you desired to, that is…”
Thunderhawk moved himself slowly from where he rested upon his daughter’s bed. “I may be saddened by the loss of my daughter… but that doesn’t mean I do not wish to attend her burial.” Massaging the pain between his eyes, he did his best to prevent himself from crying again over the realization that Janelle-Li was gone. “Please…leave me to get prepared.”
Ulynda tilted her head with a curious raise of her brow. “My Lord, I can send Lady Janelle-Li’s servants in here to help you—.”
“No!” Thunderhawk quickly dismissed with a subtle growl at the idea. Seeing the startled look in the young doe’s eyes, he calmed his voice. “No…I can clean and dress myself.” Here, he gestured towards the door. “Leave me, please.”
“As you wish, my Lord,” Ulynda said understandingly with a bow before taking her leave.
After bathing, Thunderhawk found himself venturing about the palace with fond memories of his first wife and when he first held his little girl. It was the happiest moment for him to see his child there in his arms after many months of waiting. Every room he went to, he could easily remember seeing Janelle-Li at different stages of her life.
“Daddy?
Daddy, are you okay?
Wake up, daddy! I made you something!
You have to trust I can do this, dad! I can rule Dawnstar!
You really should take better care of yourself, father.
You just don’t want me to continue using my healing magic, you big baby, and here I thought you supported healers.
I love you too, dad.”
He hadn’t realized that his tears were soaking his muzzle and fur upon his chest once more as he thought on all the times he shared with her—the last moment in particular, as he wished he had spent more time with her than what he had. “I didn’t know that our time together was so short…if I had…” Thunderhawk took a deep breath to try and regain himself as he made his way out of the Dawnstar palace.
Seeing his daughter lying there to be prepared to be buried with the other previous rulers of Dawnstar was hard for Thunderhawk to accept. Upon finding his feet, he stepped forwards to touch the stiff, cold hand of his child with a shaky breath. “I’m sorry I can’t be with you, Janelle-Li, as you transcend to the other world,” he whispered, his words heavy with his feelings of loss. “You were not supposed to die before me…I wasn’t prepared for this,” Thunderhawk cried, his body shaking as he kept her hand within his own regardless of how much the rigid and icy hand reminded him that she was dead.
Taking in a deep breath, the elder attempted to regain himself as he continued. “Allow me to be selfish for a mere moment.” His fingers wrapping about the bracelet she wore on her left wrist, Thunderhawk removed it to take it for himself. “I merely wanted a piece of you to take home with me…” Sniffling back his sadness, he shook his head with regret. “I am afraid I don’t have anything to give you but my love.” Thunderhawk leaned forwards to kiss Janelle-Li’s forehead.
The captain of the guard wondered how to approach the Jarl of Winterhold until clearing his throat to do so. “My Lord, I promise, we will drive the Dark Brotherhood out of Dawnstar…”
“I want you to rid Skyrim of them,” Thunderhawk demanded angrily, even if it was merely his emotions asking of such an impossible task. “It will be a cold day in hell should I let them take anything precious from me again. If you need the aid of my men, I will send them, but…my people…my people need me, so I cannot help in any other way.”
The captain could see that it pained Thunderhawk to say such a thing, as he no doubt wanted to see the Dark Brotherhood die for such a horrible act on his daughter. “We will do everything we can, sire,” the male echidna promised as he dug the butt of his spear into the snowy ground. “If anything, we will cut their numbers, and they won’t have a foot to stand on when it comes to their twisted operation in Skyrim.”
“Do whatever you can. Just make them pay for this,” Thunderhawk said darkly as he wanted revenge for what had befell his child. “Ulynda will take the throne of Dawnstar for now. That is my order as I lack any guardians to send here to take it in the mean time.” Turning to the captain, he pointed at the man irritably. “Guard her well. If I hear the Dark Brotherhood has struck again, I will be forced to take matters into my own hands, and I lack the funds and army to wage an all out war against these bastards.”
The captain of the guarded nodded, wishing to redeem himself in the eyes of the guardian. “I won’t let you down again, sire. I swear it.”
Thunderhawk knew it wasn’t something that could easily be stopped or even predicted. As easy as it would be to blame everyone for their mistakes, he left Dawnstar slowly that coming evening after his daughter’s burial and the temporary crowning of Ulynda. He didn’t have it in him to ride briskly back to Winterhold with his heart weighing down the idea.
Sara-Li had the worst time trying to think of sleep that night. Tiptoeing from the bed she shared with her mother, she made her way back out into the blistering cold of Winterhold to see that the guardian’s light in his bedroom remained off still. Where is he…? Sara-Li wondered as she kept her coat wrapped tightly about her. The winter air was always worse around the evening hours, and the thick attire she wore was doing very little to stop the chill.
Looking to the guards at the nearby gate, Sara-Li marched over towards them with a curious raise of her brow. “E-Excuse me…?” Seeing the guards look down at her, she moved her periwinkle hair from her eyes. “Has Lord Thunderhawk returned yet…?” Perhaps he was merely sleeping and that was why his light wasn’t on.
“Not yet, child,” one of them answered. “You really should be in doors right now. It is far too late for one your age to be wandering around at this hour.”
Sighing, Sara-Li turned on her heels to head back to the bedroom only to stop when she heard the familiar sound of a horse trotting up the bridge. Even in the wee hours of the night, the guards announced the arrival of Thunderhawk while pushing open the iron gate for him. Turning back around, she hurried towards the entrance but kept a respectable distance incase the guardian came running through on his steed. When Thunderhawk came into view, she was about to run up to him to make sure everything was okay but stopped when she noticed his head lowered and the saddened look upon his face.
“Th-Thunderhawk…?” Sara-Li called, noticing the horse stop for a moment at her calling to him. Her curious yet worried eyes looking up at him, she didn’t even bother to ask if something was wrong, as she knew all too well that something bad had happened. “What…what happened…?”
Thunderhawk didn’t have the heart to explain it so soon. Opening his mouth to even attempt to do so was painful on its own, and with the tears threatening to spill over again, he nudged his stallion forwards to head to the doors, which would lead him into the college and take him to his room for the day.
Sara-Li felt her chest tighten. Seeing him so upset and so broken was like seeing her fairytale crumble around her. Bringing her hand up to her eyes, she felt her tears sting worse than usually as the icy wind bit at the salty tears that spilled over her eyes and crept down her cheeks.
Devon watched from the shadowed overhang of the college as his daughter tried to understand that not everybody was as strong as they seemed. His heart aching at the sight of her there, he ventured over to her to hug his child tightly from behind. “It’ll be okay, Sara-Li,” he whispered tenderly to her before kissing her tear stained cheek.
Turning to her father, she held him tightly as she sobbed softly at the idea a ruler such as Thunderhawk could show such emotions. It was hard for her young mind to wrap around. “I’ve never seen him so hurt before, daddy…”
“Even rulers can face feelings such as loss, anger, and jealousy,” Devon explained to his teenage daughter as he kept a tight hold onto her. “Your mother and I do as well, but we do our best to hide it from you and your brother.”
“Will he be okay…?” Sara-Li asked with a furrow of her brow.
“Of course he will,” Devon said with a tender smile. “Just give him time to recover, sweetheart.” Keeping Sara close to his side, he escorted her towards their room. “Come, let’s get you out of the cold and back to bed.”
Sara-Li did as her father suggested but not without looking back up at Thunderhawk’s bedroom window once more. She did see the light come on, and while it was a comfort to know he was back at Winterhold, it was still hard knowing he was upset and depressed over something regarding his daughter.
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The year that passed was agonizing for Sara-Li. While Troy lived nearby the ruler, he too was rarely seeing Thunderhawk venture beyond his bedroom door. Troy even became bold enough to knock on the double doors one day to try and give him food, but he found himself knocking and calling to the guardian for several hours until he just gave up. The next time he tried, he was turned away by guards who stood watch over the entrance of the bedroom door.
“So he’s not eating at all…?” Sara-Li asked Troy one day with a worried frown. She was exhausted from the anxiousness that continued to rake through her form. It had been so many suns and moons since either of them last saw him.
Troy shrugged as he continued to chop the onions he had in front of him on the cutting board. He was off of work, but he found cooking to be a fond passion of his, and it was something to keep his mind off of things. “The court has been talking a lot lately,” he whispered to her, even if they appeared to be the only ones in the kitchen. “They said that Lady Janelle-Li was murdered, and that is why Lord Thunderhawk is so upset and not showing his face.”
Sara-Li and the others outside the court were unaware as to what was going on to cause Thunderhawk to react in such a way. “His daughter died…? D-Do you know what happened to cause it…?”
“I don’t know,” Troy sighed, as he finished with the onions and moved them off the cutting board and into the tomato soup he was making for himself, though would possibly pass some to Sara-Li, as she was looking sickly lately. “They won’t talk about it. The house jarl is trying to keep things together with the high priest, Baltheer.” Pouring a bowl of the soup after stirring it a bit more, he offered it over to Sara-Li. “You should eat. You look like crap.”
She didn’t have the energy to get cross with Troy at his comment as she accepted his soup. “Thank you,” Sara whispered, taking the spoon he offered her next.
“You might want to add pepper to it next, but I don’t know. Some people like it because it adds more flavor,” said Troy as he poured himself his own bowl.
Sara-Li took her soup and sat down on one of the benches in the kitchen to try and enjoy herself and take her mind off of things. After taking one sip, she leaned back against the stone wall to recollect herself.
“C’mon, it’s not that bad,” Troy teased as he sat down beside her. When she didn’t even crack a smile, he twisted his mouth to the side in thought on what to do. He knew being a bit frustrated with her came second nature, but she was so weak and fragile, that he didn’t want to make it worse for her by just being his usual self. “It’s going to be okay,” Troy insisted with a furrow of his brow. “Thunderhawk isn’t dead. He’s just saddened…he lost his daughter…”
“I should be more understanding of it but…it feels like he doesn’t care about me, you know?” Sara-Li said, her voice trembling a bit as she spoke. “I guess I feel like his child that he just cast out because he lost his favorite…” The more she focused on her words, the more selfish she was beginning to realize she sounded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t speak like that…”
Troy was quiet for a second until shaking his head at her apology. “I felt the same way when it came to my cooking. He always would sneak down and steal food from Ivan, and not once would he eat my food or bother to eat the food I helped prepare. I felt like his son who wasn’t good enough.”
“You know he never felt that way,” said Sara-Li reassuringly as she reached over to hold his right thigh tightly. “He always liked everything you did. I just don’t think he had the time to show you he did.”
Feeling her hand there on his thigh made Troy’s heart race and his breathing almost hasten. He ended up casually moving his legs closer to one another to politely ask in a non-verbal way to remove her hand. “I know,” he said softly with a brief smile upon his muzzle.
After eating the soup Troy had prepared for her, Sara-Li found herself heading back to Thunderhawk’s bedroom door. The guards were no longer there, making Sara-Li relieved she wouldn’t have to put up with them as she ventured to the bedroom door to knock upon it. “Lord Thunderhawk…? It’s me, Sara-Li…I just want to talk to you…”
It was quiet on the other side. She heard no sound indicating that the elder was heading for the bedroom door to let her in. Sara waited for a moment, knocking once more in hopes he would answer her. She stopped soon enough when she heard the sound of feet traveling across the floor on the other side to make it to the intricately decorated doors. Her heart raced as the doorknob moved finally to open and reveal a much older looking Thunderhawk. Sara-Li caught her breath at the wrinkles she didn’t notice before about his mouth and how his once brown beard turned white as snow—mismatching his brown colored eyebrows.
“You can come in, Sara-Li,” he whispered, his voice still sounding the same as he spoke.
Sara-Li stepped into the bedroom, unable to keep her eyes off of him in the process. “Thunderhawk…what…happened…?”
His weary eyes, which showed much heaviness in them still with the sadness he felt over losing his daughter a year ago, looked down at Sara with curiousness in them before realizing she was probably meaning that broadly. “I lost my only daughter to the Dark Brotherhood a year ago,” he answered, heading back to his bed behind the slightly curved cobblestone barrier. “Losing her was…it was hard…”
“It was only a year, but you look old,” Sara-Li came right out to say. “I thought guardians couldn’t age.”
“We age slower than most,” Thunderhawk answered with a sideways smile. “Because we have an unnatural lifespan, our emotions choose how quickly we age. Since I lost my daughter…I slipped into despair, and my body aged from the sorrow that crippled me. I was just too ashamed to show what had become of myself in the process of grieving.”
Sara-Li made her way towards Thunderhawk to hug him tightly as she buried her face into his chest. “I was so worried about you…!” she sobbed, her body trembling as she did so. “I was so scared that you were just going to die…!”
Feeling her tears soak his tunic, Thunderhawk embraced her tightly in return to let her know he was there. “I am sorry, little Sara,” he whispered apologetically upon her periwinkle hair. “I didn’t mean to worry you so.” Feeling how thin she was against her baggy clothing, he hated the thought that he had caused her to worry so much. “Sara-Li, you are so thin.” Thunderhawk examined Sara-Li at arm’s length to get a better look at her as she did the same with him and his new ‘aged’ appearance.
“I couldn’t eat,” Sara-Li hiccupped as she wiped her teary cheeks with her sleeves. “I was so scared you were going to just waste away, and I wouldn’t see you again…”
Thunderhawk had a hard time realizing that it had been a year since he last saw her and Troy. He knew Troy must be cross with him too, as he lost count of the times he heard the young boy come to his bedroom door to try and get the elder to surface. While it would have been easy to open his mouth to defend himself, Thunderhawk knew he didn’t have a good excuse to avoid everyone for so long. Smiling at Sara-Li briefly, he reached over to help dry her eyes. “How about you, Troy, and I all go out on a picnic not far from Winterhold? I hadn’t been outside in so long now, and I could use a good time away from here.”
“A-Are you sure…?” Sara-Li asked, not wanting to intrude on his grieving, but she wanted him to recover and talk to people again—be happy once more.
Gesturing to the door, Thunderhawk continued. “Go get Troy. It’s been too long since our last lesson anyways. Not that I plan on us doing much casting, mind you, but we can at least discuss a few things.”
“I will get Troy then!” Sara-Li said excitedly as she excused herself from the room. “I will be right back!”
Thunderhawk pushed himself up off of the bed and wandered towards the door slowly with a smile. “I will come with you. We have to get food together, anyways, for the picnic.” Reaching for Sara’s hand, he held it tightly, as he realized how much he needed to just hold onto someone again and feel contact with someone beyond his guards and royal court.
---------------------------------------------AuthorR 17;s Notes: I thank Aqua111 on DA for the idea that sadness/loss causes the guardians to speed up a bit in aging.