Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Bowtie of doom ❯ Huh? I Forgot What I Was Doing…ness ( Chapter 8 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: TheVulpineHero1 
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!
Non Anime: Sonic Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 11.09.2007 | Updated On: 03.26.2008 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 256 | Status: Work In Progress
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!
Non Anime: Sonic Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 11.09.2007 | Updated On: 03.26.2008 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 256 | Status: Work In Progress
So. Time for another fantastic episode of Bowtie Of Doom, after taking a break for like, One Million Billion Trillion Gazillion-and-a-half years. Notice to all those lovers of Guy or Gal- they’re dead. See I.I.F for details…
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Huh? I Forgot What I Was Doing…ness
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“Vot? The pickles speak gently to you, Balthazar…”
TheVulpineHero1
“My name is Steve! STEVE!”
Balthazar/Steve
TheVulpineHero1: ARRGGHHH! I likey the sherbet liquor!
Sonic: MOOOOOO-FAAAAAAAA!
Knuckles: Hello, fine gentlemen. May I say hi on this fine day?
Tails: Pssst. Knuckles. YOU’RE A PONCE! WHY ARE YOU A PONCE! ARRRGH! I GOT MY PUNCTUATION WRONG!
Cream: OMG! Tails, you’re so fluffy!
Tails: Not again!
Shadow: I am Count Sh’ad O, ruler of the seventh sun!
Rouge: Shaddy?
Shadow: No, I am Sh’ad O! Get it right!
Amy: Oh no! It’s Count Sh’ad O, the same person who sat in my cake, thus forcing me to stick to my GODDAMN diet!
Sonic: Ha-ha! We must allure the elephants, Watkins! HI-YA! (Encases Shadow’s- Or Sh’ad O’s- buttocks in plaster o’ Paris)
Shadow: Count Sh’ad O’s buttocks tingle! Hmm…Disgusting, yet oddly addictive…
Amy: HE’S EATING MARMITE!
Knuckles: Rouge! GET OFF MY HEAD, LEST YOU FALL OFF AS I RUN FOR MY MARMITE SEEKING TELEPHONE BOX!
Tails: ARRGH! MARMITE! CREAM, COVER YOUR EYES!
ScootTH: Yeah- HE HAS THE POWER OF PROCCESSED MACKERAL! THE WORLD IS DOOMED! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- OWW! Cream!
Cream: Shut up! I am the Toothpaste Avenger!
Tails: Cream? You’re lame. I’m going to go and play with my NEW girlfriend, Melanie.
Cream: My heart of glass shatters, as if I were being hit with a small, blue, rubber hammer at a speed of 200rpms…Sonic! You beast of relative burden! Must I fetch the Spanish Parade upon you?
ScootTH: What on earth is going on here? I thought we were talking about Jet Powered Sheep last time!
Cream: Look! TINY LITTLE TERRIBLE EVIL! LOOK, I TELL YOU! SONIC! YOU NEED TOOTHPASTE!
(Sonic’s Teeth)
Jimmy: Oh Johnny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling…Although, strictly speaking, it’s impossible for tiny little terrible evil bacteria like us to play bagpipes, have broadband or make bad impressions of Sean Connery…That just wrecked the whole entire song…Cheese rhymes with rats, narf…
(Nowhere)
Cream: See! He’s disturbing the fabric of the universe with his terrible rhyme patterns!
Shadow: ARRGHH! I, Count Sh’ad O, captain of the S.S Doorprize, forbid it! From now on, I will wage infematesimal WAR on bacteria, rhyming patterns, and tingly buttocks!
TheVulpineHero1: And from now on, I, TheVulpineHero1, will wage karaoke-stained WAR upon all those who love their own names, speak in third person, or wear boxer shorts with a heart pattern upon them!
Shadow: Count Sh’ad O is at risk!
Tails: So am I!
Cream: What happened to your date with your GIRLFRIEND, loverboy?
Tails: Umm…
(Flashback)
Melanie: Wait, wait, wait. So your name really isn’t Mr.-
Tails: Shut up! I pity the fool who gets me sued for copyright infringement again!
Melanie: You’ve been sued before?
Tails: Who told you I’d been sued before?!?!
Melanie: You!
Tails: That’s it! I thought I could deal with your overwhelming sense of paranoia and smell of ripened figs, but I can’t! I’M LEAVING YOU!
Melanie: You can’t, because I’m leaving you first!
Tails: Well, I’m walking away!
Melanie: If you’re walking away, I’m walking away too!
Tails: Well, if you’re walking away, I’m staying here!
Melanie: Well if you’re staying here, I’m staying too!
Tails: FINE!
Melanie: FINE!
Superguy: Littleoldladyhoo!
Tails:…Get the feeling that we got mixed up somewhere?
(End of flashback)
Tails: Yeah, it was alright.
Cream: That does it! I, Cream, the almighty TOOTHPASTE AVENGER, shall take action! I’M TELLING MY MOMMY!
Sonic: NO! (Starts smoking one of those annoying little pipes that blow bubbles…you know the ones I mean…) There are several reasons to not do that. I’ve prepared a 517 page report on the effectiveness of using marshmallows in the combating of paranormal activity, and I’ve concluded that Shadow wets the bed.
Shadow: Count Sh’ad O has a problem! Don’t make fun of it!
ScootTH: Hey! What about me? I’m the head comic relief here!
Knuckles: ARRGHH! ROUGE! GET OFF MY HEAD!
Rouge: Shaddap, before I get the bowtie out again!
Tails: !
Sonic: !!
Knuckles: !!!
Shadow: ???
TheVulpineHero1: -.-’
Shadow: ???? ???? ????
TheVulpineHero1: -.-+
Shadow: ???? ???? ???? ???? ?????????????????????????????????
TheVulpineHero1: +-.-+
Shadow: ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????
TheVulpineHero1: ARRGHHHH!
Cream: The bowtie! Only now may this fanfictisious world be truly called Bowtie Of Doom again! For I, Cream, the TOOTHPASTE AVENGER, says so!
Amy: Behold! For I have finally gained (takes a deep gasp of air) SUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPEEEEEEEERRRRRR POWWWWWEEEEEERRRRRRS! I am the PINK FLAPJACK!
Sonic: And I am LEAVING QUIETLY!
TheVulpineHero1: Hmm. Something doesn’t make sense within that sentence. I mean that both in the literal sense and the grammatical sense, as opposed to senses, which also encompass the ability to register scents. Oh, if only I had two cents, then I could put up a tent!
ScootTH: Perhaps you’d like to give me super-powers now?
Rouge: I am the PHANTOM PINCHER! Those whom I pinch scream like little girls!
Tails: And I am the MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST!
TheVulpineHero1: Wait your turn. Bing!
Sonic: I am SHERLOCK HEDGEHOG!
Knuckles: I am the RED…UH…THING!
Cream: I, the TOOTHPASTE AVENGER, swear WAR upon the MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST, the RED…UH…THING, and SHERLOCK HEDGEHOG! Beware, MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST, for thy girlfriend shall meet her untimely demise! Muhahahahahaha!
Rouge: What she said. After all, she has the legendary BOWTIE OF DOOM!
Amy: She sells she shells by the sea shore. The she sells that sea sells are she shells I’m sure. Dammit, I can’t seem to get this tongue twisting battle cry out if my mouth!
Tails: Well, I, MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST, swear WAR upon ye three, the BOWTIE BOUNTY HUNTERS! As do SHERLOCK HEDGEHOG and the RED…UH…THING!
Sonic: Well, it stops me wasting an afternoon.
Knuckles: Duh-duh-du-duh-duh-duh-duh!
(Above some city…Don’t ask…)
Voice Over Dude: So, the great quarrel between the tow…Oops, I meant toe….I mean, TWO! Uh, the great quarrel between the TWO super-powered groups began. It raged for several days, starting with fairly low level incidents….
(Flashback)
Tails: Hey, TOOTHEPASTE AVENGER! Can I have a lick of your ice cream? Please? ^,^
Cream: No! It’s mine!
(End Flashback)
Voice Over Dude: And progressed to horrifying battles of immense fury…
(Flashback)
Tails: Hey, TOOTHEPASTE AVENGER! Can I have a lick of your ice cream? Please? ^,^
Cream: No! It’s mine!
(End Flashback)
Voice Over Dude: Until the very world itself was at stake!
(Flashback)
Shadow: Ahh…Count Sh’ad O just loves to scratch his buttocks after they were encased in plaster o’ paris. Ooo, I think my butt is bleeding…OMG! I MUST BE PREGNANT! I have to go and share the news!
(End Flashback)
Voice Over Dude: Until, at last, the super-powered entitles…I mean, entities, decided to try and out do-good each other.
(In some city)
Sonic: Aha! It appears that your mirror may have been stolen by a young man, possibly with a lot of nasal hair, between the hours of 1 o’ clock and midnight.
Woman: Actually, you just stole my mirror.
Sonic: So that’s why the view just got sexier!
(Elsewhere…)
TheVulpineHero1: How much wood could a wood-chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
ScootTH: Oh, dear. I haven’t said anything, there’s marmalade in the pantry and he’s ripping of famous nursery rhymes.
TheVulpineHero1: We have to stop the bloodshed! We need help!
ScootTH: From who?
TheVulpineHero1: I’ll tell you after the dramatic cutaway.
ScootTH: …
TheVulpineHero1: Any minute now….
(One day later)
TheVulpineHero1: Any minute now…
(Two days later)
TheVulpineHero1: Any minute now…
(Three days later)
TheVulpineHero1: Done!
ScootTH: What?
TheVulpineHero1: My exoskeleton has revealed itself! I have at last got a giant tuxedo! My brain hurts from too many muffins!
ScootTH: (Proceeds to play everything in range with a spoon) Huh? I got bored and got a job in the meantime…I’m an organ grinder!
TheVulpineHero1: You mean the monkey?
ScootTH: Yeah. That.
(Nowhere)
Nowherillian: Yay! No Vulpy to wreck our town!
Balthasteve: Or to make my two names into one name! (Looks at name) Huh? That swine!
(Back over some city…)
Voice Over Dude: Uh, yeah, so these guys with the super powers, yeah, they started to look more like the people they had the super powers of…
TheVulpineHero1: Yoda, I am! Good for my complexion, broccoli was! Whup your ass, I shall!
ScootTH: Give me super powers!
TheVulpineHero1: Make me, why don’t you?
ScootTH: PWEASE?
TheVulpineHero1: Cry-baby, you are. The farts are strong in this one, narf…
ScootTH: PLWEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEE?
TheVulpineHero1: Itches, my ass does. Fine then! Run to your momma, you shall! Bring it, you must!
ScootTH: What did you say about my mother?
Voice Over Dude: Hey now, that ain’t nice!
TheVulpineHero1: On about your mother, I was not. Need a flea bath, you do. His mother, fleas she does have.
Voice Over Dude: Shut up, or I’m coming down there!
TheVulpineHero1: Back that up, will you?
(Some city)
Melanie: Hey, what are you doing to my car?
Cream: Washing it.
Melanie: In what?
Cream: Pigeon aphrodisiac.
Melanie: Eww. Why?
Cream: You went out with Tails!
Melanie: Oh, him. Did you know that his name isn’t actually Mr.-
Cream: Shut up! You wanna get us sued?
Melanie: Hey…Why are you two so similar?
Cream: Because. We’re married. In Las Vegas. Take that, she-man!
Melanie: Bigamy! One of the greatest superheroes in the world accused of BIGAMY! This means court!
(Nowhere Court)
Judge: Hello. Hey Tails, back again? Are you having trouble with the whole Mr. (cough) thing again?
Tails: Nope. I’m being accused of bigamy. Again.
Cream: Tails, how could you? You were so fuzzy….(Sob)
Melanie: Look, I don’t even like him anymore! Why are we still pontificating about it?
Judge:……….
Tails: Pontificating is a funny word! Let’s-
Knuckles: Graahhh! The RED…UH…THING shall avenge you, MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST!
Sonic: (wearing dumbass detective hat) Watson! The game is amouth! There’s trouble in McDougals! Let’s roll! (Coats the entire court in fingerprint powder, then runs away laughing)
Tails: The MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST shall help you! And thus clear my name of bigamy! Again!
Knuckles: The RED…UH…THING likes his name and the McDougals franchise! Away!
Cream: Their soda is too high in sugar! The TOOTHPASTE AVENGER shall win the day!
(Mcdougals)
Shadow: What do you mean, there’s no HappyHappyFunJoy burgers left? I WANNA HAPPYHAPPYFUNJOY BURGER!
McDougals Staff: Madam, please sit down. There is no such thing as a ‘HappyHappyFunJoy’ burger.
Shadow: DON’T MESS WITH ME! COUNT SH’AD O IS PREGNANT AND HE KNOWS HOW TO USE IT! I’M GONNA GO PRENATAL ON YOUR ASS!
McDougals Staff: I’ll call the manager.
(529874 missed calls later…)
Manager: ARGH! The light! It burns!
McDougals Staff: Uh, Mr. Bisley? You’re not a vampire.
Manager: Oh. Yeah, I knew that.
Shadow: Count Sh’ad O has a problem. He wants a HappyHappyFunJoy burger.
Raze: Have you guys got that on tape?
Camera Crew: Yup, sure did!
Raze: Great. Now I can finally prove that Shadow is, in fact, gay.
Shadow: Raze! Why do you bother Count Sh’ad O on a day like today? When he finally found out he was pregnant?
Raze: You can’t be pregnant.
Shadow: Count Sh’ad O knows he is, because his waters broke whist he was removing the last fragments of plaster o’ paris from his buttocks!
Raze: If your waters have broken, shouldn’t you be in hospital?
Shadow: Oh no! Count Sh’ad O cannot flag down an ambulance ever since he hit that paramedic over the head with a bucket of mead! Whatever shall he do?
Raze: I can get you a free trip in an ambulance. Now, hold still and don’t squeal….
(Five minutes later)
Sonic: And so, we arrive at the crime scene. Upon my first observation, I seem to find a strange, dirt covered dog-turd in the gutter. I assume that this is some form of ghost catching jiggery-pokery…(Waves his hat around to try and catch a passing fly)
Tails: That’s Shadow.
Sonic: I knew that. (Begins to melt an action figure with his magnifying glass, whilst laughing uncontrollably)
Knuckles: I’m not in this very much, am I?
Sonic: Nopadiddly. (Considers arresting the President)
Raze: Hey. (To camera crew) Ok, you guys! We need to get that footage on the net ASAP!
Tails: What footage?
(2 hours later)
ScootTH: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
TheVulpineHero1: I don’t see what’s so great. The directing is poor, at best.
ScootTH: It ain’t as bad as our director.
BernardTheBeanpole: Hey!
ScootTH: I was talking about Sam Bob. You know, the cat?
BernardTheBeanpole: Oh.
TheVulpineHero1: And if you think the directing is bad, look at the acting!
(2 more hours later)
Newsguy: News just in. Worldwide ‘Hard Man’ Shadow the hedgehog has been deposed. Footage has appeared on the…um…net…showing Shadow the hedgehog ordering a HappyHappyFunJoy burger. Nearly all of his fans have denounced him for ordering such a pathetically happy burger.
Rouge: Hands up! I haven’t been in this fic for more than a couple of lines, and I am-Dare I say it?- PISSED! OFF!
Amy: Yeah! We’re taking this broadcasty thing down, and staging a protest against the author! Put that in your long johns and broil it!
(Nowhere)
TheVulpineHero1: Hey, I’m back.
Balthasteve: Hey. I checked your mobile fone whilst u were awy, and nw I’m spking in txt slng!
TheVulpineHero1: What was on my phone?
ScootTH: Hey, I’m going to go to that protest against you. I’m being neglected.
TheVulpineHero1: Alright, but no Bundt cake for you tomorrow!
ScootTH: AWWW! I HATE MY IMAGINARY LIFE!
TheVulpineHero1: So, Baltyhasteve, what’s on my mobly?
Sonic: Mobly? That’s my name for my mobile phone! Me and the other Sonic team members are now going to join the protest in revenge! (Starts firing a spud gun at passing old people)
Balthasteve: U sed my name rong. Ur msgs say dat evry1 in da fic is goin on strke, an dat France has declared war on u.
TheVulpineHero1: What, again? This calls for a plan of action! Now, give me half a year or so to think…
Everyone: NO!
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Sorry bout the long wait and lack of action. No one’s reviewed me (glares) so I’ve had a lack of inspiration and funny humour. Review, and those lacks may go away. Please- the future of mankind depends upon it!
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Huh? I Forgot What I Was Doing…ness
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“Vot? The pickles speak gently to you, Balthazar…”
TheVulpineHero1
“My name is Steve! STEVE!”
Balthazar/Steve
TheVulpineHero1: ARRGGHHH! I likey the sherbet liquor!
Sonic: MOOOOOO-FAAAAAAAA!
Knuckles: Hello, fine gentlemen. May I say hi on this fine day?
Tails: Pssst. Knuckles. YOU’RE A PONCE! WHY ARE YOU A PONCE! ARRRGH! I GOT MY PUNCTUATION WRONG!
Cream: OMG! Tails, you’re so fluffy!
Tails: Not again!
Shadow: I am Count Sh’ad O, ruler of the seventh sun!
Rouge: Shaddy?
Shadow: No, I am Sh’ad O! Get it right!
Amy: Oh no! It’s Count Sh’ad O, the same person who sat in my cake, thus forcing me to stick to my GODDAMN diet!
Sonic: Ha-ha! We must allure the elephants, Watkins! HI-YA! (Encases Shadow’s- Or Sh’ad O’s- buttocks in plaster o’ Paris)
Shadow: Count Sh’ad O’s buttocks tingle! Hmm…Disgusting, yet oddly addictive…
Amy: HE’S EATING MARMITE!
Knuckles: Rouge! GET OFF MY HEAD, LEST YOU FALL OFF AS I RUN FOR MY MARMITE SEEKING TELEPHONE BOX!
Tails: ARRGH! MARMITE! CREAM, COVER YOUR EYES!
ScootTH: Yeah- HE HAS THE POWER OF PROCCESSED MACKERAL! THE WORLD IS DOOMED! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- OWW! Cream!
Cream: Shut up! I am the Toothpaste Avenger!
Tails: Cream? You’re lame. I’m going to go and play with my NEW girlfriend, Melanie.
Cream: My heart of glass shatters, as if I were being hit with a small, blue, rubber hammer at a speed of 200rpms…Sonic! You beast of relative burden! Must I fetch the Spanish Parade upon you?
ScootTH: What on earth is going on here? I thought we were talking about Jet Powered Sheep last time!
Cream: Look! TINY LITTLE TERRIBLE EVIL! LOOK, I TELL YOU! SONIC! YOU NEED TOOTHPASTE!
(Sonic’s Teeth)
Jimmy: Oh Johnny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling…Although, strictly speaking, it’s impossible for tiny little terrible evil bacteria like us to play bagpipes, have broadband or make bad impressions of Sean Connery…That just wrecked the whole entire song…Cheese rhymes with rats, narf…
(Nowhere)
Cream: See! He’s disturbing the fabric of the universe with his terrible rhyme patterns!
Shadow: ARRGHH! I, Count Sh’ad O, captain of the S.S Doorprize, forbid it! From now on, I will wage infematesimal WAR on bacteria, rhyming patterns, and tingly buttocks!
TheVulpineHero1: And from now on, I, TheVulpineHero1, will wage karaoke-stained WAR upon all those who love their own names, speak in third person, or wear boxer shorts with a heart pattern upon them!
Shadow: Count Sh’ad O is at risk!
Tails: So am I!
Cream: What happened to your date with your GIRLFRIEND, loverboy?
Tails: Umm…
(Flashback)
Melanie: Wait, wait, wait. So your name really isn’t Mr.-
Tails: Shut up! I pity the fool who gets me sued for copyright infringement again!
Melanie: You’ve been sued before?
Tails: Who told you I’d been sued before?!?!
Melanie: You!
Tails: That’s it! I thought I could deal with your overwhelming sense of paranoia and smell of ripened figs, but I can’t! I’M LEAVING YOU!
Melanie: You can’t, because I’m leaving you first!
Tails: Well, I’m walking away!
Melanie: If you’re walking away, I’m walking away too!
Tails: Well, if you’re walking away, I’m staying here!
Melanie: Well if you’re staying here, I’m staying too!
Tails: FINE!
Melanie: FINE!
Superguy: Littleoldladyhoo!
Tails:…Get the feeling that we got mixed up somewhere?
(End of flashback)
Tails: Yeah, it was alright.
Cream: That does it! I, Cream, the almighty TOOTHPASTE AVENGER, shall take action! I’M TELLING MY MOMMY!
Sonic: NO! (Starts smoking one of those annoying little pipes that blow bubbles…you know the ones I mean…) There are several reasons to not do that. I’ve prepared a 517 page report on the effectiveness of using marshmallows in the combating of paranormal activity, and I’ve concluded that Shadow wets the bed.
Shadow: Count Sh’ad O has a problem! Don’t make fun of it!
ScootTH: Hey! What about me? I’m the head comic relief here!
Knuckles: ARRGHH! ROUGE! GET OFF MY HEAD!
Rouge: Shaddap, before I get the bowtie out again!
Tails: !
Sonic: !!
Knuckles: !!!
Shadow: ???
TheVulpineHero1: -.-’
Shadow: ???? ???? ????
TheVulpineHero1: -.-+
Shadow: ???? ???? ???? ???? ?????????????????????????????????
TheVulpineHero1: +-.-+
Shadow: ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????
TheVulpineHero1: ARRGHHHH!
Cream: The bowtie! Only now may this fanfictisious world be truly called Bowtie Of Doom again! For I, Cream, the TOOTHPASTE AVENGER, says so!
Amy: Behold! For I have finally gained (takes a deep gasp of air) SUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPEEEEEEEERRRRRR POWWWWWEEEEEERRRRRRS! I am the PINK FLAPJACK!
Sonic: And I am LEAVING QUIETLY!
TheVulpineHero1: Hmm. Something doesn’t make sense within that sentence. I mean that both in the literal sense and the grammatical sense, as opposed to senses, which also encompass the ability to register scents. Oh, if only I had two cents, then I could put up a tent!
ScootTH: Perhaps you’d like to give me super-powers now?
Rouge: I am the PHANTOM PINCHER! Those whom I pinch scream like little girls!
Tails: And I am the MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST!
TheVulpineHero1: Wait your turn. Bing!
Sonic: I am SHERLOCK HEDGEHOG!
Knuckles: I am the RED…UH…THING!
Cream: I, the TOOTHPASTE AVENGER, swear WAR upon the MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST, the RED…UH…THING, and SHERLOCK HEDGEHOG! Beware, MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST, for thy girlfriend shall meet her untimely demise! Muhahahahahaha!
Rouge: What she said. After all, she has the legendary BOWTIE OF DOOM!
Amy: She sells she shells by the sea shore. The she sells that sea sells are she shells I’m sure. Dammit, I can’t seem to get this tongue twisting battle cry out if my mouth!
Tails: Well, I, MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST, swear WAR upon ye three, the BOWTIE BOUNTY HUNTERS! As do SHERLOCK HEDGEHOG and the RED…UH…THING!
Sonic: Well, it stops me wasting an afternoon.
Knuckles: Duh-duh-du-duh-duh-duh-duh!
(Above some city…Don’t ask…)
Voice Over Dude: So, the great quarrel between the tow…Oops, I meant toe….I mean, TWO! Uh, the great quarrel between the TWO super-powered groups began. It raged for several days, starting with fairly low level incidents….
(Flashback)
Tails: Hey, TOOTHEPASTE AVENGER! Can I have a lick of your ice cream? Please? ^,^
Cream: No! It’s mine!
(End Flashback)
Voice Over Dude: And progressed to horrifying battles of immense fury…
(Flashback)
Tails: Hey, TOOTHEPASTE AVENGER! Can I have a lick of your ice cream? Please? ^,^
Cream: No! It’s mine!
(End Flashback)
Voice Over Dude: Until the very world itself was at stake!
(Flashback)
Shadow: Ahh…Count Sh’ad O just loves to scratch his buttocks after they were encased in plaster o’ paris. Ooo, I think my butt is bleeding…OMG! I MUST BE PREGNANT! I have to go and share the news!
(End Flashback)
Voice Over Dude: Until, at last, the super-powered entitles…I mean, entities, decided to try and out do-good each other.
(In some city)
Sonic: Aha! It appears that your mirror may have been stolen by a young man, possibly with a lot of nasal hair, between the hours of 1 o’ clock and midnight.
Woman: Actually, you just stole my mirror.
Sonic: So that’s why the view just got sexier!
(Elsewhere…)
TheVulpineHero1: How much wood could a wood-chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
ScootTH: Oh, dear. I haven’t said anything, there’s marmalade in the pantry and he’s ripping of famous nursery rhymes.
TheVulpineHero1: We have to stop the bloodshed! We need help!
ScootTH: From who?
TheVulpineHero1: I’ll tell you after the dramatic cutaway.
ScootTH: …
TheVulpineHero1: Any minute now….
(One day later)
TheVulpineHero1: Any minute now…
(Two days later)
TheVulpineHero1: Any minute now…
(Three days later)
TheVulpineHero1: Done!
ScootTH: What?
TheVulpineHero1: My exoskeleton has revealed itself! I have at last got a giant tuxedo! My brain hurts from too many muffins!
ScootTH: (Proceeds to play everything in range with a spoon) Huh? I got bored and got a job in the meantime…I’m an organ grinder!
TheVulpineHero1: You mean the monkey?
ScootTH: Yeah. That.
(Nowhere)
Nowherillian: Yay! No Vulpy to wreck our town!
Balthasteve: Or to make my two names into one name! (Looks at name) Huh? That swine!
(Back over some city…)
Voice Over Dude: Uh, yeah, so these guys with the super powers, yeah, they started to look more like the people they had the super powers of…
TheVulpineHero1: Yoda, I am! Good for my complexion, broccoli was! Whup your ass, I shall!
ScootTH: Give me super powers!
TheVulpineHero1: Make me, why don’t you?
ScootTH: PWEASE?
TheVulpineHero1: Cry-baby, you are. The farts are strong in this one, narf…
ScootTH: PLWEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEE?
TheVulpineHero1: Itches, my ass does. Fine then! Run to your momma, you shall! Bring it, you must!
ScootTH: What did you say about my mother?
Voice Over Dude: Hey now, that ain’t nice!
TheVulpineHero1: On about your mother, I was not. Need a flea bath, you do. His mother, fleas she does have.
Voice Over Dude: Shut up, or I’m coming down there!
TheVulpineHero1: Back that up, will you?
(Some city)
Melanie: Hey, what are you doing to my car?
Cream: Washing it.
Melanie: In what?
Cream: Pigeon aphrodisiac.
Melanie: Eww. Why?
Cream: You went out with Tails!
Melanie: Oh, him. Did you know that his name isn’t actually Mr.-
Cream: Shut up! You wanna get us sued?
Melanie: Hey…Why are you two so similar?
Cream: Because. We’re married. In Las Vegas. Take that, she-man!
Melanie: Bigamy! One of the greatest superheroes in the world accused of BIGAMY! This means court!
(Nowhere Court)
Judge: Hello. Hey Tails, back again? Are you having trouble with the whole Mr. (cough) thing again?
Tails: Nope. I’m being accused of bigamy. Again.
Cream: Tails, how could you? You were so fuzzy….(Sob)
Melanie: Look, I don’t even like him anymore! Why are we still pontificating about it?
Judge:……….
Tails: Pontificating is a funny word! Let’s-
Knuckles: Graahhh! The RED…UH…THING shall avenge you, MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST!
Sonic: (wearing dumbass detective hat) Watson! The game is amouth! There’s trouble in McDougals! Let’s roll! (Coats the entire court in fingerprint powder, then runs away laughing)
Tails: The MAD ANGRY SCIENTIST shall help you! And thus clear my name of bigamy! Again!
Knuckles: The RED…UH…THING likes his name and the McDougals franchise! Away!
Cream: Their soda is too high in sugar! The TOOTHPASTE AVENGER shall win the day!
(Mcdougals)
Shadow: What do you mean, there’s no HappyHappyFunJoy burgers left? I WANNA HAPPYHAPPYFUNJOY BURGER!
McDougals Staff: Madam, please sit down. There is no such thing as a ‘HappyHappyFunJoy’ burger.
Shadow: DON’T MESS WITH ME! COUNT SH’AD O IS PREGNANT AND HE KNOWS HOW TO USE IT! I’M GONNA GO PRENATAL ON YOUR ASS!
McDougals Staff: I’ll call the manager.
(529874 missed calls later…)
Manager: ARGH! The light! It burns!
McDougals Staff: Uh, Mr. Bisley? You’re not a vampire.
Manager: Oh. Yeah, I knew that.
Shadow: Count Sh’ad O has a problem. He wants a HappyHappyFunJoy burger.
Raze: Have you guys got that on tape?
Camera Crew: Yup, sure did!
Raze: Great. Now I can finally prove that Shadow is, in fact, gay.
Shadow: Raze! Why do you bother Count Sh’ad O on a day like today? When he finally found out he was pregnant?
Raze: You can’t be pregnant.
Shadow: Count Sh’ad O knows he is, because his waters broke whist he was removing the last fragments of plaster o’ paris from his buttocks!
Raze: If your waters have broken, shouldn’t you be in hospital?
Shadow: Oh no! Count Sh’ad O cannot flag down an ambulance ever since he hit that paramedic over the head with a bucket of mead! Whatever shall he do?
Raze: I can get you a free trip in an ambulance. Now, hold still and don’t squeal….
(Five minutes later)
Sonic: And so, we arrive at the crime scene. Upon my first observation, I seem to find a strange, dirt covered dog-turd in the gutter. I assume that this is some form of ghost catching jiggery-pokery…(Waves his hat around to try and catch a passing fly)
Tails: That’s Shadow.
Sonic: I knew that. (Begins to melt an action figure with his magnifying glass, whilst laughing uncontrollably)
Knuckles: I’m not in this very much, am I?
Sonic: Nopadiddly. (Considers arresting the President)
Raze: Hey. (To camera crew) Ok, you guys! We need to get that footage on the net ASAP!
Tails: What footage?
(2 hours later)
ScootTH: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
TheVulpineHero1: I don’t see what’s so great. The directing is poor, at best.
ScootTH: It ain’t as bad as our director.
BernardTheBeanpole: Hey!
ScootTH: I was talking about Sam Bob. You know, the cat?
BernardTheBeanpole: Oh.
TheVulpineHero1: And if you think the directing is bad, look at the acting!
(2 more hours later)
Newsguy: News just in. Worldwide ‘Hard Man’ Shadow the hedgehog has been deposed. Footage has appeared on the…um…net…showing Shadow the hedgehog ordering a HappyHappyFunJoy burger. Nearly all of his fans have denounced him for ordering such a pathetically happy burger.
Rouge: Hands up! I haven’t been in this fic for more than a couple of lines, and I am-Dare I say it?- PISSED! OFF!
Amy: Yeah! We’re taking this broadcasty thing down, and staging a protest against the author! Put that in your long johns and broil it!
(Nowhere)
TheVulpineHero1: Hey, I’m back.
Balthasteve: Hey. I checked your mobile fone whilst u were awy, and nw I’m spking in txt slng!
TheVulpineHero1: What was on my phone?
ScootTH: Hey, I’m going to go to that protest against you. I’m being neglected.
TheVulpineHero1: Alright, but no Bundt cake for you tomorrow!
ScootTH: AWWW! I HATE MY IMAGINARY LIFE!
TheVulpineHero1: So, Baltyhasteve, what’s on my mobly?
Sonic: Mobly? That’s my name for my mobile phone! Me and the other Sonic team members are now going to join the protest in revenge! (Starts firing a spud gun at passing old people)
Balthasteve: U sed my name rong. Ur msgs say dat evry1 in da fic is goin on strke, an dat France has declared war on u.
TheVulpineHero1: What, again? This calls for a plan of action! Now, give me half a year or so to think…
Everyone: NO!
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Sorry bout the long wait and lack of action. No one’s reviewed me (glares) so I’ve had a lack of inspiration and funny humour. Review, and those lacks may go away. Please- the future of mankind depends upon it!