Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Commercial Collection ❯ Pepsi Commercial ( Chapter 3 )

“…and for a limited time only,” Sonic poses in a heroic stance. “You get my face…on the can!”

 

“Cut!” yelled the director. “Ok, let's get some things straight…”

 

“Like you?” Sonic mumbled.

 

“Argh! I AM STRAIGHT!” the director roared. “Now pipe down, and do the damn commercial! Take 2… ACTION!”

 

“Are you looking for a refreshing change from Coca-Cola? And the inevitable heart attacks come from drinking Sprite? Then pick up a can of Pepsi, the new brown and bubbly soda! Brown and bubbly?! Do you know how disgusting that sounds? And what does it taste like? Probably like crap or something…”

 

“*sigh* Cut!” the director started to rub his head in annoyance. “Don't you ever do anything right?!”

 

“Well,” said Sonic. “I run the right way, I save the world in the right way, I get *sexy voice* “the ladies” the right way…”

 

(Amy appears and bashes Sonic on the head with her Piko Piko Hammer)

 

“La---DY!” she screamed, and stormed out of the room.

 

“Geez, lady,” Sonic said, rubbing the now throbbing red bump on the top of his head. “What the hell's your problem?”

 

“Just, shut up…” said the director. “…and do the commercial. How is our new cue card man doing?”

 

“Dead.” Sonic said bluntly.

 

“Dead?!” yelled the director. “What do ya mean, `dead'?! How can he be dead?! He just started yesterday!”

 

“Pfft…” Sonic said. “How am I supposed to know? Don't ride my ass about it…”

 

“Ok, ok, just, get on with the commercial,” stated the director. “Ok, here we go… Take 3… ACTION!”

 

*singing* “You, you know you want it. You, you know you love it. You, you know I'm waiting. So come and get it. Come and get you some. (Knux and Shadow in background singing “Brown and Bubbly”) Come and get you some. (Brown and Bubbly) Come and get you some. (Brown and Bubbly) Come and get you some. (Brown and Bubbly).*talking* Ok, I know you guys hate Coca-Cola because of the crappy-ass after taste it leaves in your mouth. So, why are you still drinking it? Haven't you heard of the new product that's hit the shelf? It's supposed to put the Coca-Cola company out of business,(though I highly doubt it), Coca-Cola's good, despite the drug factor…”

 

“Cut!” yelled the director, looking really angry now. “Like we told your red friend,(Knux pops in, grins and waves, then leaves) there are no drugs in Coca-Cola!”

 

“Sure, I've heard that before…” Sonic said.

 

“Riiiiiiight…” said the director. “Whaaaatever, just, read the cue cards… Take 4… ACTION!”

 

“Dudes(and dudettes), are you sick of the bland taste of that shit called Coca-Cola? And that nasty, obviously fake, lemon-lime taste of Sprite? Then grab a bottle of Pepsi! `Tis the new soda of yesterday, today, and tomorrow!” Sonic picks up a can of Pepsi and takes a swig, but spits half of it out. “Yuk! What the hell is this?!”

 

“'Brown and bubbly',” said the director. “It's called `Pepsi', ever heard of it?”

 

“Well, yeah, but I never knew it tasted like crap!”

 

“Maybe you should have done some research then!” the director roared, obviously POed. “Forget it, I don't have time for this…”

 

“NO! I want to do this! Both Shadow and Knuckles failed, and I want to beat them!”

 

“Then do it right!” screamed the director. “God, I need a vacation… Take 5… ACTION!”

 

“Do the drugs in Coca-Cola get you more high than the sky? Does Sprite run right through you making you piss yourself? I bet it does! So try Pepsi! The newest drink that'll make you shit yourself!”

 

“CUT, C-U-T! CUT! What is wrong with you idiots?! Every damn one of you fuck these commercials up so bad! Why can't you just read the cue cards?”

 

“Umm… dude? I am reading them…” Sonic pointed at the cue card men.

 

“What the…”

 

(sees Knux and Shadow writing all over the cue cards)

 

“You fucking retards! How are we supposed to sell this soda if you guys make it out to be something nasty?!”

 

(Sonic, Shadow and Knux look at each other)

 

“IT IS nasty,” they said in unison.

 

“Mountain Dew tastes like watered down piss…” Shadow said.

 

“…Coke has drugs…” Knux piped in.

 

“…And Pepsi makes you crap yourself!” Sonic concluded.

 

*silence, crickets in background*

 

(Sonic doubles over, groaning)

 

“FUCK! I drank some! I gotta go!”

 

(Sonic runs out)

 

“Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!” Shadow and Knux chanted together.

 

(looks at each other and keels over laughing)

 

“God, I need a drink…” mumbled the director.