Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ CRONIES ❯ Moonie Power? Hip-Hop in the Flip-Flop, Timepants! ( Chapter 12 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

CRONIES

A triple team production by:

THE TRIPLE PEEPS

Apollo Alexandre, a.k.a. "Grand Master Shoma" (GMS)

Neusa Gaspar, a.k.a. "Judge Neusy"

Carlos Alexandre, a.k.a. "CMA" (CMA)

http://www.triplepeeps.com/

Judge Neusy: DISCLAIMER: Any characters mentioned in this story that are not the distinctive likenesses of anyone else--including, but not limited to, Sega, Sonic Team, Nintendo, Koshi Rikdo, Sammy, Arc System Works, etc.--were created by us, and may not be used without our permission. All characters and distinctive likenesses not created by us are the property of their respective owners.

CMA: This is, alas, the last CRONIES. Yes, the last one. The very last Cronies. We mean it. The last one... of this season. The next Cronies will start a whole new story in the epic battle between Tails and those who endeavor to destroy his house. Watch for it!

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CMA: Originally released on 11/6/2005! READ, DAMMIT!!!

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[The Eggman TV Studio in Station Square, "EggTV"...]

Eggman: Okay, so the plan is to take back my studio so I can deliver my forced public apology to the vile, vile Moonie-scum.

[Sailor Mercury kicks Eggman in the shin.]

Eggman [clutching shin]: You see? Scum.

Sonic: C'mon, let's hurry this up... do you hear something?

[Some muffled yells are coming from a nearby broom closet. Shadow opens it and out falls, bound and gagged--]

Eggman [shock]: HOLY CRAP! BOB! Oh, man, I totally forgot about you!

Bob [gag removed by Shadow]: Ach. Ya tend ta do that, sir.

Sonic [to Bob]: Well, Bob, we're going to need your help to take over the airwaves and have Eggman here deliver his forced apology.

Bob [confused]: I dinnae know what's goin' on, but if ya can stop them blasted pedophiles, I'd be grateful.

Tails [holding a bunch of cables]: Okay, people! Let's do this! For peace!

Knuckles [dork]: Liberate the media!

Rouge [anger]: Okay, fuck the deal, I'm not sleeping with you now!

Knuckles [shock and awe]: You were going to sleep with me? Was it for the nice comments I give you?

Tails [shaking head in shame]: Enough, let's go!

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[Justice High School, Japan. The united schools' forces, including such outside forces such as Davis and Akuma, are there, for it's the most fortified building they know of. The armies of the Moon Kingdom stand outside at all angles, picking away at the metal walls and dodging/combating turrets.]

[Meanwhile, within Justice...]

Batsu [too excited]: THIS IS OUR LAST STAND! OUR FINAL BASTION AGAINST THE MOONIES!!!

Daigo [he and Edge safely made it to Justice]: Batsu, shut up. Your boundless enthusiasm, while good in a street fight, isn't the best thing for us right now.

Edge [looking outside]: Boss, they keep trying to climb the gates! I don't think the turrets will hold much longer!

Gan [not realizing the gravity of the situation]: I'm more surprised about the fact that this school HAS turrets!--

Daigo [taking charge]: ENOUGH about the turrets! Edge, get to the roof and start chucking knives!

Edge [salutes]: Yes sir!

Daigo: Everyone else, get as many knife-like objects as you can for our friend here!

Edge [shock]: WHAT!? YOU MEAN I'M THE ONLY ONE FIGHTING!?

Daigo: Of course! You can hurl knives quite far with amazing accuracy! In fact, you could very much be a RAmar!

Edge [freaking out]: Boss, I don't get what you mean by that, but I don't think--

Shoma [the guy with the huge bat]: Don't worry, Edge! [brandishes the bat] I'll help you out!

Daigo [cupping chin]: Hmm, not a bad idea... Let's get some baseballs together, people!

Shoma: Nah, nah, no worries! I'll just bat the knives!

Akuma: This should be funny. [stands up] I shall also assist. I have taken down armies before. This one will present little challenge. It will be a "walk in the park."

Davis [giddy]: What kind of park!?

Akuma [quiet rage]: Shut. Up. Davis.

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INTRO THEME SONG

by the Cronies (based on S Club 7's S Club Party)

Cronies! (there ain't no party like a Cronies party)
Gonna take you down (everybody get down tonight)
Cronies! (there ain't no party like a Cronies party)
Three point one four is pi (two pi R finds circumference yo!)

Finally crime-fightin' night
Feelin' kinda good, lookin' alright
Gotta get movin', can't be late
Gonna save the world, we just can't wait (ho!)
Get the feeling (get the feeling)
Beat the people (beat them all up)
Eggman hater (Eggman hater)
Get ready everybody 'cos here we go!

Cronies (there ain't no party like a Cronies party)
Gonna take you down (everybody get down tonight)
Cronies (there ain't no party like a Cronies party)
Three point one four is pi (two pi R finds circumference yo!)

O-oh O-oh! Throw your hands in the air
O-oh O-oh! Like you just don't care
O-oh O-oh! Cronies party over here
O-oh O-oh! Cronies party over there

Tails's doing his dance
Amy's looking for romance
Rouge's getting down on the floor
While Knuckles treats her like a whore (ooh hoo!)
Wanna see Sonic swing
Wanna see Shadow do his thing
Then we got Eggman who will conquer,

All of the entire world!

Cronies! (there ain't no party like a Cronies party)
Gonna take you down (everybody get down tonight)
Cronies! (there ain't no party like a Cronies party)
Three point one four is pi (two pi R finds circumference yo!)

O-oh O-oh! Wave your hands in the air
O-oh O-oh! Like you just don't care
O-oh O-oh! Cronies party over here
O-oh O-oh! Cronies party over there
O-oh O-oh! Gonna conquer the world!
O-oh O-oh! Yeah every boy and girl!
O-oh O-oh! Yeah my plans will be unfurled!
O-oh O-oh! Gotta conquer all the worlds!

(Crony girls) Crony boys, make some noise!
(Crony boys) Hey there ladies! Show them titties!

Cronies! (there ain't no party like a Cronies party)
Gonna take you down (everybody get down tonight)

[Each Crony member jumps in the air Matrix style and using a Chaos Emerald, they each write out the first letter of their name. (if you saw the actual S Club 7 video, you would understand what we mean) As they go, they unknowingly spell out "STREAKS" and are confused as the song continues]

(Instrumental)

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C Ù R Ù O Ù N Ù I Ù E Ù S

Final Chapter... of this season...

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COMMERCIAL

Tuxedo Mask [sitting on his throne, bored out of his mind]: Man, I am bored out of [realizes he's on TV] my asseLLO!!! And welcome, earth freaks, to my, um, next, announcement. Yes. You see--

[Suddenly, the signal is interrupted, and we see...]

Amy [on camera]: And now we interrupt the ramblings of some pedo-fuckhead's pedo-ramblings to bring you another fuckhead's WILLING apology!

Eggman [appears, shoving Amy out of the way]: FUCK YOU, YOU BITCH!!! GO GET OFF TO ANOTHER PICTURE OF SONIC WHY DON'T YOU!!! Oh, hello good people!

[Off camera, Sonic slaps his forehead.]

Eggman: My name is Dr. Eggman, and I present to you my first, and hopefully ONLY forced apology. You see, I am vying to take over the world--

[A tape reel flies on from off-camera, thrown by Sonic, hitting Eggman in the head]

Sonic [off-camera]: READ WHAT THE SCRIPT SAYS, YOU FAT PIECE OF CRAP!!!

Eggman [rubbing the sore spot]: I'm sorry! It's just that whenever I see a video camera, I just HAVE to announce that I'm going to conquer the world! Which I will! [hit by another tape reel] OW!!! Fine! Fuck! Now, as I was saying, it was I, Dr. Eggman, [reading like he doesn't give a shit] that instigated the conflict between the Moonie forces and Earth. Which I didn't, but I'll say it anyway, for the sake of both our domains. So, anywho, I apologize deeply to the Moon Kingdom for killing your queen--EVEN THOUGH SHE KILLED HERSELF--and dumping earth's trash on your fair kingdom. I also apologize to Earth for bringing upon thee the Moonie scourge. Hang on, I'm getting word from my off-camera guy that he's going to come here and kick the shit out of me. [hit by yet another tape reel] OW! WHAT!?

Sonic [off-camera]: YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT!!!

Eggman [yelling]: OF COURSE I DIDN'T!!! THEY'RE PLANNING TO DESTROY OUR PLANET AND HAVE BEEN FOR A LONG TIME--

[The signal returns to Tuxedo Mask]

Tuxedo Mask: I see! [stands up regally] People of Earth and the Moon Kingdom! Now that Dr. Eggman has delivered a heartfelt apology, we can now begin... Begin our plan to steal the Earth's mana [speaking more and more sinisterly as he continues] and restore our Moon Kingdom to it's rightful place as the CONQUERER OF THE UNIVERSE! YOUR PLANET WILL DIE, EARTHERS!!! WE WILL TAKE ITS ENERGY AND LEAVE IT A DRY HUSK, KILLING ALL OF YOU!!! NO ONE WILL STOP US!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA--

[The signal is interrupted again by our heroes, with Eggman and Sonic arguing on camera]

Sonic [mad]: WELL YOU DIDN'T TELL US, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US FIRST THAT THEY WERE GOING TO DESTROY US!?

Eggman [arguing back]: I DID!!! I TOLD YOU ALL OF THAT--

Tails: Actually, Eggman, you didn't, you told us that you were high and destroyed a kingdom, not that you actually had some noble purpose for doing so--

Eggman: Noble!? Fuck that shit! I just didn't want them to destroy the place I'm going to rule! Fuck noble!

Sonic [to the camera]: Alright, people of earth, listen up; we didn't know what was going on here, and thought that Eggman here was trying to play us all for fools. We were wrong. Sort of. Now, we all have to unite to stop the Moon Kingdom! Rebel forces around the planet, strike back now! Strike fast and hard!--

[The signal is again interrupted by Tuxedo Mask, who is still laughing]

Tuxedo Mask: HAHAHAHAHA MWAHAHAHAH hah HAHA [coughs for a bit, continues laughing] AHAHAHAHAHA I HEART BOOBS!!!

Announcer [catchy jingle]: â™ªâ™«Pledge allegiance to--[static, then Tuxedo Mask's voice] The Moon Kingdom

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[EggTV...]

Eggman [jackass]: I think that went rather well!

Shadow [deep in thought]: Wait, wait, if Tuxedo Mask is a pedophile, why would he like boobs!?

Sonic [annoyed]: Now's not the time, Shadow. Good point, though. But we have to fight, too!

Sailor Mercury [shocked]: Why? Why would my people keep this from the scouts? We've been nothing but their mere pawns!

Mysterious female voice: Actually, Amy, we were all in on it. We kept it from you, knowing you'd sympathize with the dirty earthers.

Amy [the pink hedgehog]: Who, me!?

Sailor Jupiter [revealed to by the mysterious female voice]: No, you half-human mutant freak! I meant Amy! Amy Anderson!

Sailor Mercury [aka Amy Anderson (yes, we're using the dub name, bite me -- CMA)]: I can't believe you made me your pawn! [beginning to charge water energy in her hands] I will not stand for this anymore!

Sailor Jupiter [nerdy]: Check your Pokemon rules, bitch! [large bolts of electricity surround her body] ELECTRIC beats WATER! JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!! [launches a large lightning ball at Sailor Mercury, knocking her back into a wall]

Eggman [fool]: Oh, yeah? [sticks out his gut like a shield] My Thick Fat will reduce that damage by fifty percent-- [gets nailed by Jupiter's lightning, starts spouting electrified gibberish as his body, belly and all, is electrified, and then collapses]

Il Palazzo: ... You jackass.

[Bowser just shakes his head.]

Shadow [all proud, pointing at Eggman]: HAH!!! Thick Fat only reduces FIRE and ICE damage, IDIOT!!! But a DARK-type like me...

Sonic [losing patience]: Oh, fuck it. Let me take care of this. [Runs at Sailor Jupiter, spin-dashing and tripping her with his roll]

Sailor Jupiter [landing on her hands, flipping up to her feet]: It's going to take more than that to beat me, blue hedgehog!

Shadow [mad]: HEY!!! That's MY line!

Sonic [smirks]: Heh, bring it, little girl!

[Five seconds later...]

Sailor Jupiter [crouching down, breathing heavily, all beat up]: Huh... huh... dammit all...

Sonic [standing over her]: Now tell us where your leader is!

Tails: Um, Sonic, it's obvious he's here in the studio.

Sonic [feeling dumb]: Oh yeah. Well, then, tell us... what CHANNEL HE'S ON!!!

Tails [shaking his head, taking all friendly-like to Sailor Jupiter]: Don't mind my friend, he's more speed than brains.

Knuckles [out of nowhere]: And I'm the brawn!

Tails: Yes, yes, very nice. So, Ms. Jupiter, please tell your forces to stand down and retreat. This war should end now, before everyone gets bored of it.

Sailor Jupiter [defiant]: I'll never talk, pigs! NEVER!

Bowser [impatient]: THIS IS HOW YOU GET HER TO TALK!!! [grabs Sailor Jupiter, then throws her out a window]

Il Palazzo [irritated and surprised]: Dude!? Are you on crack!? That made no sense whatsoever!

Bowser: Yeah, I know, but I REALLY wanted to do that!

Eggman [suddenly gets up]: Quickly, find Tuxedo Mask and break his legs!

Sonic [startled]: GWAH!!! Crap, you're still alive!

Eggman [all leader-like]: Let's go!

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Sailor Jupiter [in a trash bin, dazed and disoriented]: Oh, man, that was a hard fall...

Geese [lounging in the bin next to her]: Hello there! First time?

Sailor Jupiter: Huh?

Geese: Being thrown from buildings, I mean! I own this fifty-story building next to EggTV here! It's a home away from home! But that Bogard came and threw me out of it again! It's quite a rush, actually! I will devote my life to the sport of jumping off buildings!

Sailor Jupiter: Sport!? Are you insane!?

Geese: Oh, man, I wonder what Rock would think seeing his rich old man lounging here in someone else's filth. [after a few moments, Geese yawns, makes himself comfortable, lays back, and sleeps]

Sailor Jupiter [getting out of the bin]: Riiiiiiiiiight. I must report to King Stud...

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[Justice High's Roof. Edge stands near a pile of knives, hucking them with great accuracy at the forces below, taking out various soldiers here and there, but not really putting a dent in the army as a whole. Akuma's there too, throwing fireballs down repeatedly, but still not really making a dent to the army.]

Edge [throwing knives]: Boss, I don't think this is doing too much!

Daigo [standing, arms crossed, not really doing anything]: Nonsense, you're doing great!

Akuma: Yeah, better than that soccer jackass who tried to kick the knife down.

Roberto [a knife in his right foot; half-angry, half-crying, swearing in Portuguese]: AW POOOOORRRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!!! MERDA, PAH!!!

Edge [confuddled]: What's he saying?

Daigo: I don't know, but I am enjoying it! Hearing people swear in other languages is top-tier!

Shoma [his bat out]: Okay, I'm going to bat the knives! [throws a knife up, bats it]

Akuma [catching the knife that almost hit his face]: AT. THEM.

Shoma: Oh, right! Sorry! You had the whole evil aura thing and all, I couldn't help myself!

Akira [concerned about Edge]: Daigo, I think Edge is getting tired up there!

Daigo [also seeing Edge becoming fatigued]: Akira, you know what to do!

Akira: But this might hurt Edge later!

Daigo: Nah, he's fine, go on.

[Akira approaches the tired Edge...]

Akira [blushing a little]: Do your best, Edge! [gives him a little peck on the cheek]

[Something then... happens to Edge... His eyes light up with a fire not seen before...]

Edge [heroic]: Akira... I won't... I won't FAIL YOU!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAARRGH!!!

[Like a man possessed, Edge starts throwing knives like a super machine-gun, tossing about 20-30 knives per second.]

Akuma [impressed]: Out-flurry me, will you? [he starts chucking fireballs faster than before.]

[Together, the knife and fireball flurry starts cutting down the army's ranks. Finally, its leader emerges...]

Shoma [now resorting to just throwing bats]: The leader has revealed herself! Roberto, use your gun!

Roberto [suddenly optimistic]: You got it! [tries to get up and pull out his gun at the same time. However, he hurts his foot...] OW SHIT!!! [... and then accidentally shoots that same foot; resumes his Portuguese swearing as he collapses] AAAWW FILHO DA PUTA!!! RAIOS!!!

Daigo [shaking his head in shame]: The idiot two-hit-combo' ed himself.

Batsu [not doing anything]: Man, that was so cool! [to Roberto] Me next!

[Meanwhile, on the ground, the leader steps forward. It is none other than...]

Sailor Mars [the leader]: Aside, men! Leave this to me. [takes aim, dodging a few knives, and pulls out one of her sealing talismans] One should do! [she throws it]

Batsu [looking down from the roof]: Hey, what's that post-it note that's flying [the talisman hits his forehead as he collapses, twitching]

Akira: Batsu, get out of here!

[Batsu just drools and moans...]

Akuma [stops firing]: Bah, the knife-freak has it covered. Davis, lets lay waste to the army directly.

Davis [suddenly there for no reason; salutes]: Got it, 'kumie!

[Akuma jumps down, with Davis, somersaulting and squealing giddily, close behind.]

Sailor Mars [targeting Edge]: Alrighty, knife-boy, it's time to burn! [Charges a giant fire blast] MARS FIRE... IGNITE!!! [shoots the fire blast right at Edge]

Edge [panicking a bit, throwing knives faster, but the blast slowly overtakes it as Mars puts more power into the blast]: It's not working! I let Akira down!

Daigo [in Edge's ear]: Oh, by the way, Edge, Akira only kissed you because I told her to.

Edge [emotional]: What!? WHAT!? How could you, boss!? That makes me... makes me... MAKES ME.... ANGRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

[Edge now throws the knives at an incredible rate, about a hundred or so per second, if not more]

Daigo: Amazing! I'm not even seeing him grab or throw the knives! And the pile doesn't seem to be getting smaller, either!

[Edge, crying, continues to focus a ton of knives on the fireball, pushing it back]

Sailor Mars [flabbergasted as her fireball slowly but surely diminishes]: No! NO!!! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!

[Sailor Mars abandons the fireball, jumping away before the hail of knives digs into the ground and the surrounding soldiers.]

Akuma [about to unleash his most devastating technique, the Kongou Kokuretsu Zan from SF3, where he punches the ground and unleashes a devastating shockwave] TAKE THIS!!! [does the move, sends Moonie soldiers flying everywhere]

Sailor Mars [lands beside Akuma]: You forget, Akuma, I can jump like eighteen feet into the air!

Akuma: So can I. Now DIE--

Davis [interrupting]: Wait, Akumie! [clenches his fists] This one's mine!

Akuma [steps aside]: This ought to be interesting to watch! [without looking, elbows soldiers who try to take him from behind]

Davis [facing Mars]: Alright, lady! Take... THIS!!!

[Davis runs up to her and playfully hits her in the stomach repeatedly, making little "machine gun" noises. Akuma slaps his forehead at the pitiful Raging Demon attempt, until suddenly, Davis punches Mars in the face!]

Akuma: Ah, mind games!

Sailor Mars [wiping away some blood]: That was a dirty trick, child! One that you will not repeat! [rushes Davis, punching and kicking repeatedly]

Davis [blocking the moves]: You're good, lady... but I learned this move from the WWE!!!

[Davis grabs Sailor Mars and gives her a sidewalk slam, picking her up and hitting her back against the ground. Then he grabs her foot and starts swinging her around.]

Davis [stunned for a moment by the up-skirt view, then continues]: This one I learned from a little girl who plays tennis! GIANT SWING!!!

[Davis lets go, letting Mars fly about. She hits the ground hard.]

Sailor Mars [battered, picking herself up from the ground]: MEN, RETREAT!! These nimble few are somehow overwhelming us!

[Whatever's left of the Moon forces retreat from the scene.]

Davis [giddy as usual]: YAY! Victory's on us!! [turns to Akuma] Hey Akumie, did you see how I sucker punched that defenseless woman?

Akuma: Yes, Davis, yes, very chivalrous.

[Back on the roof of Justice...]

Daigo: Edge, where did you learn how to throw knives like that?

Edge [no longer sad or angry]: Funny story, actually. I met this one nun who was an expert knife wielder, and she even helped me brush up on my throwing technique!

Daigo [patting Edge's shoulder, not believing a word he's saying]: Yes, Edge, yes... nuns throw knives... [looks at Akira, and whispers] He's crazy.

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COMMERCIAL

[Tuxedo Mask is seen running out of the EggTV building. Sailor Uranus follows, manning a video camera. How we can see this through the camera, we don't know...]

Tuxedo Mask: Now, my still loyal Moon subjects, it seems that the rebel forces have discovered my whereabouts, and--[bullets graze his cheek] OH NO, THEY'RE FIRING ON ME!

[Eggman, Shadow, and Il Palazzo are firing their various guns at Tuxedo Mask]

Shadow [crazy]: I love my new toy!!

Tails: That's not a toy, Shadow.

Shadow: Care to say that again, punk?

Tails [raises his voice a bit]: That's not a toy, Shadow!

Shadow [petting Tails]: Aww, he raised his voice!

Eggman: Shut up you guys! Don't let that creep get away!

Tuxedo Mask: YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME! I'M THE TUXEDO MAN-- [gets shot] OWW MY ANKLE!!

Sonic: What do you have to say now?

Tuxedo Mask: Mwahahahahaha... Don't you see? This was my plan all along.

Knuckles: No it wasn't.

Tuxedo Mask: My Sailor Scouts... ASSEMBLE!!!

[The six remaining Sailor Scouts appear around and behind Tuxedo Mask.]

Tuxedo Mask: Now, my lovely ladies, begin the summoning ritual! [The Sailor Scouts begin to summon with their... powers. Uranus drops the camera so the vision is slanted from the ground.]

Rouge: What?

Sonic: Quick, stop them from summoning whatever the hell they're going to summon!

Chad Kroeger [voice heard from nowhere]: Not so fast. [The four members of Nickelback attempt to enter the scene "Ninja-Style" but instead fall flat on their faces. They then get back up.] You'll have to get through us first!

Knuckles [punches his fists into each other]: I'm going to give you so much of a beating, that being pelted by rocks in Lisbon won't even COMPARE to what I'll do to you!

Shadow: Uh... Yeah what he said. Except... [ashamed] not at all what he said.

Rouge: Come on people, just as long as I don't have to hear them sing again.

Sonic [commanding]: CHARGE!!!

Tuxedo Mask [kneeling in front of the camera]: Am I not sexy? Look at how I told my lovely bitches to summon a great evil! I AM a god!

Announcer [catchy jingle]: â™ªâ™«Pledge allegiance to--[static, then Tuxedo Mask's voice] The Moon Kingdom

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Chad Kroeger [guitar in hand, starts singing]: â™ªâ™«Look at this photograph! Every time I do it makes me laugh! How did our eyes get so red? And what the hell is on Joey's head!?â™ªâ™«

[Extreme sound waves flow directly at the Cronies, cracking and destroying the concrete pavement, pushing the Cronies back.]

Shadow [confused and irritated]: WHO THE HELL IS JOEY?

Rouge [pain]: Ahh!! Their new crap is even deadlier than their old crap!

Eggman: THE SOUND WAVES ARE TEARING APART MY HYMEN!!!

[Everyone is disgusted]

Bowser [trying to yell over the sound waves]: EGGMAN YOU LOUSY SHIT, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Knuckles [dread]: Oh no! They're playing a different tune! THEIR POWERS BECOME DEADLIER WHEN THEY ALTERNATE THEIR SONGS!!

Chad Kroeger: â™ªâ™«And now I scream about it!! How it's so bad, it's so bad, [getting louder] so bad, so bad, SO BAD, SO BADâ™ªâ™«

Tuxedo Mask [covering his ears]: NO YOU FOOLS! YOU'RE DISRUPTING THE RITUAL!!

[Within the summoning circle, a large sphere of light appears before them, and then splits into four separate entities. The beings before them are none other than... Theory of a Deadman!!!]

Tuxedo Mask [fear]: Oh noes... I only wanted to summon Diablo! THIS IS MUCH WORSE!

Tyler Connolly [the vocalist; starts singing as he plays the guitar; singing, like Theory of a Deadman always sings, like a FUCKING WHINER]: â™ªâ™«WHEN WILL WE MAKE UP!? WILL WE BREAK UP!? LET'S MAKE UP, LET'S MAKE UP!!! â™ªâ™«

[The shitty sound waves engulf our heroes, the waves of shitty even worse than those of Nickelback]

Shadow [suffering]: METHINKS MOTHER EARTH CRIES OUT IN UTTER AGONY AT THIS ENCROACHING EVIL NOISE!!!

Rouge [suffering the most thanks to her sensitive hearing]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! I HATE BEING A BAT!!!

Tails: SHADOW, FOLLOW MY LEAD!!! I HAVE A PLAN!!!

Shadow [can't hear]: WHAT!?

[Tails sighs, and just motions for Shadow to follow. As they proceed, though...]

Ryan Peake [of Nickelback]: We won't let them hurt our friends, Ryan!

Ryan Vikedal [also of Nickelback]: They owe us money, Ryan!

Ryan Peake: Ryan!

Ryan Vikedal: Ryan!

Ryan Peake: Ryan!

Ryan Vikedal: RYAN!!!

[Tails and Shadow each clothesline one of the Ryans]

Sonic: THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHITTY MUSIC!!!

[Sonic starts running in a circle at very high speed, forming a blue tornado. It (somehow) reflects the music back at Theory of a Deadman.]

Tyler Connolly [still singing his crap]: â™ªâ™«MY FRIENDS ARE MEAN TO ME! THEY SAY I DON'T BREAK UP TOO WELL!â™ªâ™« [Editor's note: See? Whiny. -- CMA] [his own reflected suck-waves start overwhelming him and his shitty band] OH GOD!!! THAT'S WHAT WE SOUND LIKE!!? WE'RE TERRIBLE!!!

Tails [cheering]: Yay, Sonic!

Shadow [jackass]: WHAT!?

Tails: Shadow, the sound waves are gone!

Shadow [pointing to his ears]: I THINK I'M DEAF--oh wait, there we go! Yay, faker!

Tuxedo Mask [using his cape to shield himself]: This doesn't look good! We've lost this time! Ladies, retreat!

The Scouts: Yes sir, king stud!

Tuxedo Mask [as he and the scouts teleport away]: You win this round Earthers, but our masters, the Axis of Evil, will soon unleash their plot! Earth's mana... will be OURS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA [teleports away] HAHAHA BOOBS--

Eggman [serious voice]: The Axis...

Sonic: NO, Eggman! No more drug-induced "heroics" for you.

Eggman [whiny]: Oh C'MON, Sonic! I have a vendetta against the Axis! A deep-rooted one that goes back all the way to high school!

Sonic: No.

Eggman [stamps his foot angrily]: Oh, fuck you Sonic! [skulks away]

Il Palazzo: Easy there, Ivo. We'll be ready for 'em.

Bowser: That's right!

[Eggman, Bowser, and Il Palazzo leave.]

Sonic: And the world is saved once again!

Knuckles [wise]: I guess this shows that we can't just slack off all the time.

Sonic: Agreed. But, for now, let's go relax and slack off in Tails's house. For a job well done!

Knuckles [nods]: Make it so.

Tails: Eggman destroyed my house!

Sonic: Then we better get buildin', guys!

Tails [sighs]: *I* better get buildin', you mean. I don't trust you fools with tools.

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[I think we forgot about Captain Falcon and company. Let's see what they're up to...]

Captain Falcon [beating up one of the soldiers]: Take this! And that! FALCON PUNCH!!!

Sakura [sweetly]: Um, Falcon-sensei, they've given up.

Shaoron [not impressed]: Yeah, they're holding white flags.

Captain Falcon [realization]: Oh, WHITE flags! Sorry about that, guy!

The beat-up soldier [gruff]: S'aright.

Captain Falcon: Lloyd, will you stop decimating their masses?

[Lloyd is still rampaging through the army, now armed with two sticks with white flags on them, firing off Demon Fangs like mad. Genis calmly walks up to him, bonks him on the back of the head with his kendama, and takes the flags.]

Lloyd [rubbing the sore spot]: Man, Genis, I love school here! It caters to my every need, everyone's nice to me, I'm passing with honors, and best of all there's no professor Raine!

Genis [pats Lloyd on the shoulder]: Yeah, good job Lloyd.

Captain Falcon [like a gym teacher]: Congratulations, children! Your efforts shouldn't go un-rewarded! A+'s for everyone! Except for those who didn't participate. They get B's. EVERYONE wins!

[Everyone cheers.]

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COMMERCIAL

Eggman [sighs heavily]: Phew! Greetings, good people! It's so good to be in front of a camera again, imposing my iron will upon you all! Let's go out to the streets and see what people think... of me.

[Various scenes show, with people on the street being interviewed...]

Some guy: Eggman's a jerk!

Some girl: He smells funny!

Angry mom: That man is evil! He offered my son a lollipop with BEER. BEER!!!

Space Pirate X: I don't like the way he always says he's going to rule the world. Like, we get it already.

Genis: He put me and Lloyd... in a SACK! He took us away from our planet!

Akira: Eggman-kun is a nice, noble man! I don't care what anyone says!

N*SYNC: Yeah Eggman may be annoying and stupid, but he's our G! He helps us keep the Backstreet Boys in check!

50 Cent: Hey, yo, I'm gonna kill N*SYNC for takin' my slang...

Eggman: I think that Eggman fellow is a fine and proper ruler for this destitute planet!

Bob: Ach! Sir, you're making yerself look bad again!

Bowser: Yeah, Eggman can be an ass when he wants to be!

Eggman: HEY!

Il Palazzo: He's my rival, and a worthy one, but I will conquer the masses before I do! Plus, he always leaves his crap in my house!

Eggman: ILLY!!!

Ciel [from Melty Blood and Tsukihime]: That Eggman is a terrible, terrible man! He has committed many sins, including making a giant robot with the name of our lord God! He must be punished for his transgressions!

Edge [pointing at Ciel]: See boss, that's her! That's the knife-throwing nun!

Daigo: Sure, Edge, whatever.

Edge: AARGH!!!

Some whiny bitch: I'm the founder of M.A.M.S.--Mothers Against Mad Scientists! We're petitioning to get Eggman thrown off the planet.

Little girl: He... he... he took my lollipop and gave it to someone else!

Sonic [looking at the camera indifferently]: Bob, why are you asking me? You know I don't like Eggman!

Knuckles: I hate the way he always tricks me!

Slayer: Hmm... Eggman is an interesting fellow... Though I personally would not submit to his rule. He is, how do I put is lightly... a Neanderthal.

Farah: I want him DEAD!!!

Matt [from Digimon; remembering Eggman on Ice]: THAT FUCKER WHIPPED MY FACE!!!

Otaku/video game fanboy: He ruined the opera scene from Final Fantasy! He RUINED it! I am boycotting his products! Me and as many as two other people will no longer purchase Eggman-brand goods! [drinking Eggman-brand bottled water] Furthermore, his Eggman-brand condoms are rough and gritty! And one broke! ... Okay I'm lying I haven't had sex yet [cries]

Johnny [Guilty Gear; he's picking at his ear]: Yeah, I guess he's not too bad. He helped us out one time, and he's kinda irritating, but overall, I give him a four out of ten.

Eggman: FUCK YOU, JOHNNY!

The Sugar Bear [the smooth-talkin' bear mascot for Sugar Crisp cereal]: Yeah, that Eggman is a real nasty fellow. Makes me want to kill him violently. And I will once our plans unfurl.

Eggman: Hmm, I wonder what that means...

Akuma [Davis is making faces behind him as he talks]: Well, out of people that offend me, Eggman doesn't rank too highly, so I can neither say he's a great man nor an insignificant cockroach Davis I can see what you're doing, stop it.

Tails: Eggman, can you come here for a second?

Eggman: Sure, what is it?

[Tails is quiet for a moment, then... unleashes a brutal punch directly to Eggman's groin.]

Eggman [holding his nads]: OOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!! MY FUCKING BALLS!!!

Tails: We had a deal! [turns to the camera] He's indecent and destroyed my house more than once!

Eggman [suddenly in a bow tie, top hat, sweat pants, and no shirt, with an ice-pack applied to his groin]: WHADDA MEAN, "INDECENT!?"

Announcer [catchy jingle]: â™ªâ™«Pledge allegiance to Eggman!â™ªâ™« <sparkle noise>

______________________________________________

Dragon Ball Z Announcer: Finally! I can work again! [clears his throat] Coming up, on the next season, Cronies... TRY!

***

Sephiroth: We have been chosen to be the Reservist Cronies! My associates... ASSEMBLE!!!

[Many silhouettes appear. Who are these Reservist Cronies?]

One of the silhouettes [looks like several spheres]: Word...

***

Shadow [driving the Cronari, pulls up to a pretty girl]: Hey, baby, I'm bringing you in!

The pretty girl: Huh? For what?

Shadow [slick]: For bein' so damn fine! C'mon, walk with me, talk with me, let me get to know you!

The pretty girl [who turns out to be Samus]: You fucking perverts.

[An explosion. Later, at Tails's rebuilt house...]

Shadow [battered and bruised]: Tails, the Cronari blew up! I don't know what happened! Gotta make a new one! Make it sexy!

Tails: WHAT!?

***

[Eggman is jumping rope on the wing of the flying Egg Carrier, wearing a top hat, bow tie, sweat pants, and no shirt.]

Eggman [singing as he jumps rope, as usual, dangerously close to the edge]: â™ªâ™«How many times will I start to jiggle, before I end up seeing my sexy wiggle? A, B, C, D, E, [falls] FUUUUUUUUUUCKING SHIT WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN!!?

[Meanwhile, below, at a hot spring, various ladies wrapped in towels are enjoying the bath. Amongst them include Amy Rose, Sailor Mercury, Rouge, Farah, Akira, Samus, and just about every girl we've had in these fics that isn't an evil harpy.]

Eggman: aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! [falls into the water, causing a mini-tsunami; gets up onto the edge, trying to pick the now clingy sweat pants out of his groin] Oh, man, these sweats are clinging to me like a cheap whore on--oh, hello ladies! I swear, this isn't what it looks like! [reveals his jump rope] I was jumping rope on my ship and then I fell!

[A tense moment, then...]

Akira [stands triumphantly, still towel-clad (no nudity here, perverts)]: I BELIEVE YOU, DR. EGGMAN!!!

[The women talk amongst themselves, saying how it's perfectly understandable how a man such as Eggman could've fallen coincidentally into their bath.]

Farah [the only one not buying this]: YOU NIMRODS!!! HE'S A PERVERT!!!--

Eggman [waving as he leaves]: BYE, FARAH!!!

[Farah screams in rage]

______________________________________________

THE END... for now... again... one more time... BEHOLD, IT IS NOT THE END... oh, wait, it is... psyche!... WE PLAY "PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE PEPPERONI ON THEIR PIZZA" IN DEFENSE MODE!... laughs are hard... our readers were seriously wounded, but the soul still burns... Rah-Rah-Rasputin... When a couple of guys who were up to no good, started makin' trouble in my neighborhood… Cronies is over, or is it!?