Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ SCREW THIS (CONCENSORED)!!! ❯ The beginning of the end... Again!!! ( Chapter 1 )

SCREW THIS (CONCENSORED)!!! Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We do not own Sonic, Shadow, Amy, and any of the many other registered sonic characters used in here. I do however own Kiyu, and if you use him without permission, then I will hang you in my dungeon by your ankles, cut out random parts of you're body and feed them to you. Stevil belongs to moi and if you even think about using him without permission (in a demonic voice) I will hunt you down, rip off your arms and beat you to death with them, bring you back to life and repeat the process 5891009183589012098714650871364508971640587 times.

If you are a fan of Barbie, leave now or forever hold your peace. No, I mean it, if you give us a flame, I will track you down on the net and deface you as bad as is humanly possible in the said situation.

We are in no way responsible for any offence to sonic fans, this product is here to make you laugh and cry from the aching in your sides, not to offend.

Hi, we are Kiyu and Stevil. We present this story to thou with the desire to make the laugh. Muchas Gracias.

 

Everyone was at the new sonic team club house where sonic and the others resided. Kiyu and Stevil had just been introduced to the home seeing as they had no other place of residence.

“Sonic honey, you idiot, showing gests into the house wile it's such a mess.” Amy said as every one entered.

“That's what my mom would have said even if the house was fine,” Stevil whispered to Kiyu.

“If you say so …” Kiyu replied.

“Party time! P A R T…Y? because I gotta!” Belted Sonic. (Begins playing Death Metal on the huge (Censored) mother (Censored) boom box.

(Everyone is rocking and head banging when Amy comes into the room and takes out the CD.)

Everyone: (Dramatic gasp!)

“The little kitty should not be listening to all those BAD (hint hint) words. Let's put in Barbie Girl.” Said Amy moving toward a wall unit filled with pink Barbie memorabilia and whistling the song to herself.

Upon sight of the hideous thing, Kiyu pulled out a huge Gatling gun and proceeded to mow down the wall on which the Barbie sanctuary was situated. After the wall was nearly demolished, Tails, with a happy smile, walks up to Kiyu holding his new invention, the setting gun and said, “That's not how you destroy Barbie,” he put on the gun, “This is how you destroy Barbie!”

Tails switches the turner setting on the gun (annihilate) (screwed up explosion) (Apocalypse) he stops on (Death to Barbie!)! He aims the gun and shoots. A huge (concensored) green blast comes from the tip of the much smaller gun and destroys the whole wall unit, but leaving nothing else scratched.

(Somewhere in a different dimension, Barbie is walking with her friends and hitting on Ken when… Her head explodes! (YYYYAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Then, as ken backs away from her in horror and shock… The green blast comes out o0f no where and kills him too. (Double YYYYAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Everyone: (Parties like there is no tomorrow and shoots their pistols into the ever blue sky.) No more Barbie! YYYYAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! Head Bangin' Time! (Puts in death metal and rocks out.)

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” screamed Amy as the different dimension Barbie died. “TAILS FOR THIS YOU DIE… and by that I mean it is bath time.” Amy said pulling out a switch blade knife.

“What about Kiyu?” Tails begged.

“What the (concensored), I only gunned down the wall, you're the one who blew up the remains for me.” Kiyu retorted!

“Kiyu is our guest and I can't punish him until he is part of the family.” Amy answered.

“We are not a family!” Sonic yelled.

“Tails… Bath… NOW!!!” Amy said in her scary demonic voice.

“Wait,” said Rouge, “I have a game we can play.”

Everyone looked at the terrifyingly colorful box cover to the small pack of cards and dice.

“What's A Day In The Life Of… ?”, asked a confused Tails.

“It's a game where you roll the die and then whoever gets the lowest number has to act out a day in the life of whatever is on the card they pick,” explained Rouge.

“Haaarrraaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Let's play, I volunteer Kiyu first,” said Stevil.

“That's not how you play,” retorted Kiyu, “we roll the dice first.”

Sonic: (Rolls a 2)

Amy: (Rolls a 2)

Kiyu: (Rolls an 8)

Stevil: (Rolls a 1 and burns 6 more holes in it.)

Rouge: (After replacing die and making Kiyu personal slave for Stevils' issues rolls a 4)

Knuckles:(Rolls a 4)

Tails: (Rolls a 5)

“When did Knuckles get back from China?” Stevil asked.

Shadow: (Rolls a 12) Feel my Ultimate Power.

Sonic: Shut up Shadow you dweeb!

“HA!!!,” yelled Shadow, “ Amy and sonic lose, how could this day get any better?”

“We could get the (a married couple card)” squealed Amy as she did a creepy girl giggle.

“Please murder victim please murder victim please murder victim please murder victim.” Sonic begged the gods.

Kiyu pulled out a card, “A day in the life of… a gang! OOH, I'll help with this one.”

Kiyu pulls out his huge Gatling gun and aim it at the two. They run like (concensored) as he unloads at them.

“Well if he's going then I am too,” Stevil announced. (Puts on dew rag and throws fire ball at Sonic and Amy.)

“Why!?” asked a befuddled Rouge.

“Well someone has to watch me to make sure Kiyu stays out of trouble.” Stevil answered.

Kiyu is sitting on the other side of the room shooting at the two and drinking rum! (Mmmm… Rummm!!! )

“Okay, that charade is over!” Shadow said, deciding he liked this game and wanting to play more.

On the next roll Kiyu lost. Stevil picks up a card… “A day in the life of, a slave,” He read aloud.

Rouge instantly pulled out a whip.

“Where the hell did that come from?” Kiyu asked, a frightened look on his face.

“Shut up slave. This is practice for the next few weeks,” Said Rouge, brandishing the whip.

“Back off (concensored), he's my (concensored) today,” Stevil said as he burned the whip out of Rouge's hand.

“I don't swing that way man,” Kiyu argued as Rouge pulled out another whip, “and how the hell does she get those.

Rouge: (Put on latex dominatrix suit.)

Kiyu: ( Runs like a mother (concensored) high (concensored) wind.) (Still gets whipped.)

After a horrifying ordeal for Kiyu, they all rolled again. Shadow.

Shadow: But… but I am the ultimate life form. I even have a different style of talking then, and my voice sexier. Why me!? (whimpers)

Sonic: (Proceeds to kick Shadows (concensored).)

Kiyu picks up a card with his one unmolested paw… “Okay… Okay… (gasp… shudder… twitch… spaz...) A… (pant… gag…) day in the life of a (we interrupt this broadcast for a special news bulletin.) Rape Victim.

Shadow Fangirls: YYYYAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Abduct Shadow)

Shadow: (concensored)!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!

Shadow returns hours later in worse condition then Kiyu and everyone decides to stop playing for the day.

“Tails, time for your bath!” says Amy as she re-pulls out switch blade knife.

“Hey, now let's not get too hasty with that,” Tails said nervously backing away.

“Tails... bath… NOW!!!” yelled Amy with the scary demonic voice again as she grabs his scruff and drags him away to the bathroom.

Everyone: (Big Sweat-drop)

Kiyu: This won't end well…

* * *

(This next part of the story will use a slightly different format.)

*In The Bathroom*

Amy throws tails into the bathroom and quickly master locks the door.

Tails: What are you doing? I can bathe on my own.

Amy: No Tails, a mother has duties to their child and this is one of them. (Throws Tails into the glass enclosed shower puts on bathing suit and jumps in herself.)

Tails: Amy, stop playing around. I'm not your so- Amy I take cold showe- GOD THAT'S HOT!!!

Amy: Don't be such a baby tails, and of course you're my son, we're a family now.

Sonic (from another part of the house,): WE'RE NOT A FAMILY!!!

Amy: How does he do that?!

Tails: Amy, the glass is all steamy. I can't see outside. I'm claustrophobic. (Meanwhile outside the bathroom…)

Kiyu: Igottago Igottago Igottago Igottago!!! (Runs into the bathroom as fast as possible.)

Stevil: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I couldn't warn him he's DOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!

Sonic: Aren't you exaggerating a little?

Stevil: No I'm under exaggerating.

Sonic: Oh (concensored)!!!

(Back in the bathroom…)

Kiyu: *whistling innocently*

Amy: Tails, it's time to was your front.

Tails: No! Don't touch me you whore!

Kiyu: (Hears Amy pull out switch blade. Sees bloody splatter on shower side.)

Tail: Ow! You didn't need to stab me… hey put down that washcloth! N-n-n-n-n-NOOO!!!

Kiyu: (Finishes peeing and flushes when he sees a hand thump onto the steamed up glass then slide down leaving a hand print and making a squeaking noise.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA( Gasp)AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??!?!?!!(Sips from drink) ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!?!??!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!??!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs out of bathroom in fear and finds nearest dark corner. Goes into fetal position and rocks back and forth.)

Stevil: Ok someone has to make Amy stop, and I gotta go too. (puts on head phones turns up volume past all the way and walks in.)

Tails: Somebody help me!!!

Stevil: (Can't hear Tails' cries. Takes a pee and flushes.)

Amy: Okay, your front is all clean. Time for your back!

Tails: N-N-N-N-N-N-NOOOOOO- (voice breaks)

Tails opens the steamed glass door and jumps out of the shower just as Stevil turns around.

Stevil sees a fig leaf.

Tails: Freedom, Freedom… (Lasso shoots out and yanks a screaming and surprised Tails back into the shower, where the door closes and much struggling and screams can be heard.)

Stevil quietly leaves the room and shuts the door, he takes off his earphones, and hammers a “Do Not Enter” sign onto the door. Then he finds the nearest dark corner, curl up into fetal position and sucks on his thumb while rocking back and forth.

Kiyu: You're invading my private space. (continues cutting.)

Stevil: I don't care, I saw a f-f-f-f-fig leaf. (breaks down crying)

Kiyu: Here, (gives Stevil a handgun.) use it well.

Stevil: (Puts barrel in mouth and shoots himself. Lights on fire and reincarnates. Then repeats process until clip is empty.) Thanks, I needed that… desperately.

Kiyu: No problem, I used the fire to heat up my knife. (Seals wounds and continues cutting.)

* * *

And so the madness continues. Please review darn it. We need c/c. Don't flame us about Barbie, we don' give a (concensored). We hope you enjoyed.

Bye.

P.S. You may have noticed I used a Mask quote in the story.