Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Fellowship of the Ring (Almost) ❯ The Battle at…the Place…for the Thing ( Chapter 12 )

Chapter Twelve: The Battle at…the Place…for the Thing

[The Fellowship has been traveling along the river for a while now. They pull their boats onto the shore and prepare to camp for the night.]

Sonic: Hmm…it's kinda cold. I'll go get some wood to light a fire.

Tails: You know, I have got a nuclear powered stove with me.

Sonic: Wood, wood, wood.

[Sonic wanders into the forest. Suddenly, Eggman gets up.]

Eggman: (Real loudly to make sure everyone hears him) THAT FAT I ATE DID NOT AGREE WITH MY BOWELS! I MUST NOW GO AND RELEASE MY DIARRHEA IN THE WOODS!

Fellowship: EEEEWWWWWW…

[Eggman walks into the woods and follows the path Sonic took. The camera cuts to Sonic who is carrying a bunch of small twigs. Eggman walks up to him.]

Eggman: Hey! Hey! Sonic! Hey!

Sonic: What?

Eggman: Give the Ring to me! I found it! It's mine!

Sonic: Hell no! I stole it from you! It's mine!

Eggman: But it's my precious!

[Eggman swipes at Sonic. He starts running after Sonic. Sonic tries to run away but Eggman is close behind him.]

Sonic: For a fat whale you can run fast!

Eggman: I'm big boned! NOT FAT!

[Sonic stops, puts on the Ring and disappears.]

Eggman: COME BACK! Come back….ahh, screw it.

[Giving it up, Eggman returns to the camp site. Sonic walks up to an abandoned tower-like building. He goes to the top and suddenly, he sees the Eye of Sauron.]

Sauron: (Creepy voice) GIVE ME THE RING OR I'LL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF!

Sonic: (With great fear in his voice) BUT YOU HAVE NO MOUTH!

Sauron: (Still creepy) ALL THE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH!

Sonic: (Afraid, yet confused) WHAT THE FUCK?

Sauron: (MEGA Creepy) WRONG SCRIPT! I MEAN: THEN I'LL WRING YOUR NECK!

Sonic: (Afraid, yet curious) WHAT THE HELL WITH?

Sauron: (Creepy to the nth degree) MY POWERFUL HANDS!

Sonic: (Afraid, yet…I'll stop now) YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!

Sauron: (sends-shivers-down-your-spine creepy) YES I DO!

Sonic: NO YOU DON'T!

Sauron: (Major creepiness) CRAP! YOU'RE RIGHT! I'LL STEP ON YOU THEN!

Sonic: HOW THE FRICK ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT?

Sauron: (Oh-so-creepy) WITH…(Pause)…SCREW IT! THE RING IS MINE!

[A blast of power comes from the tower of Barad-Dur, knocking Sonic to the ground. The Ring falls off. Sonic is injured from the blast.]

Sonic: Wow. That was odd.

[Suddenly, Sonic is surrounded by Mario's Uruk-hai legions.]

Random Uruk-hai Dude: This looks like a Hedgehog! GET IT!

[The Uruk-hai charge at the injured Sonic. Suddenly, Gordon Freeman appears and opens fire on them. They start dropping like flies. Gordon has a sign tied to his back that says "RUN"]

Sonic: Good idea! I'm talking out loud to myself…strange.

[Sonic starts to run away. The Uruk-hai start pouring all over the place. ]

Uruk-hai Leader: GET THE HEDGEHOG! GET THE HEDGEHOG!

Sonic: I'm not a hedgehog! I'm an…echidna!

Uruk-hai Leader: OH! OK THEN! WRONG GUY!

[The Uruk-hai march down the hill towards the Fellowship camp site. Tails has left and is chasing after Sonic. Eggman is eating lard. Why? Beats me. Seems like something he'd do.]

Knuckles: Oh crap.

Eggman: Mmm….lard.

[The Uruk-hai run and grab Rouge and Knuckles off the ground and run off with them, while Eggman does absolutely nothing to save them. Visual note: He has lard dripping down his chin(s).]

Knuckles: I'm an echidna! I don't have the Ring!

Random Uruk-hai Dude: LIAR! There is only one echidna in the Fellowship and we already saw him! He was blue!

Knuckles: Sonic! YOU GODDAMNED BASTARD!

Rouge: I'm not a hedgehog!

Random Uruk-hai Dude: We know. You're just going to be Mario's sex slave.

Rouge: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! !!!!!!!

Eggman: LLLLAAAAARRRRRDDDDDDD!!!!!!!

[Cut to the shore. Sonic is in one of the boats and is pushing off from the shore. Tails runs up to the shore and starts wading in the water to reach Sonic.]

Sonic: Tails! Stop! You can't swim!

Tails: Idiot! I can swim!

Sonic: You'll drown! I'll save you!

Tails: YOU CAN'T SWIM!

[Sonic jumps overboard to go "save" Tails. Tails heads with full force towards Sonic. Mysterious numbers appear on screen. (Hint: It's the drowning countdown timer from the Sonic games)]

5…

Tails: SONIC!

4….

Sonic: (Underwater) BLUB! BLUB!

3…

[Tails reaches out for Sonic, but misses.]

2…

Sonic: BLUB!!!! BLUB!!!!!

1…

[Tails reaches again and pulls Sonic out of the water and onto the boat.]

Unreal Tournament Announcer: LAST SECOND SAVE!!!!!

Sonic: I saved you from certain death…

Tails: Yeah. Whatever.

[Sonic and Tails cross the river, get out and head towards Mordor. Meanwhile, on the other bank.]

Eggman: I LOVE LARD!

Shadow: CRAP! I'm stuck with Mute Boy and Fat Man.

Eggman: That is offensive!

Shadow: Well, let's go off and find Knuckles and Rouge.

Eggman: Mmm…leaving her to become Mario's sex slave is just wrong. Time to save her from a fate worse than death.

[Shadow, Gordon, and Eggman set off in pursuit of Knuckles and Rouge. Cut to Sonic and Tails standing on a blasted cliff looking off towards Mordor.]

Sonic: Now all we need is a guide to lead us there…

Tails: Shut up, you're giving away the plot.

Sonic: Sorry.

[Sonic and Tails start to walk towards Mordor. The screen blackens and the credits roll.]

Cervantes: Arr!

Megabyte: SHUT UP! THE MOVIE IS OVER!

Cervantes: Arr?

Megabyte: YES! ARR! YOU HAPPY NOW?

Cervantes: Arr!

Megabyte: SON-OF-A-[Censored]. I am going to rip your legs off!

[Sound of fighting.]

Unreal Tournament Announcer: HUMILIATING DEFEAT!!!

Soul Calibur Announcer: Cervantes suffered a major defeat, but the soul still burns!

Megabyte: Do I have to beat the crap out of you two as well?

Cervantes: Aaaaaarrrrrrrr……

[Stay tuned for the sequel: The Two Thingies…of DOOM. Coming soon! Seriously, that's what it's called.]

END OF MOVIE ONE

Author's Note: I'd just like to thank the people who reviewed this story when it was on fanfiction.net. Antipode, Shaggy-Dogg18, and Jazmin3 Firewing, I'd like to thank you guys for your reviews.