Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Fellowship of the Ring (Almost) ❯ FOR ITALIA! ( Chapter 11 )

Chapter Eleven: FOR ITALIA!

[The camera pans down to Orthanc. Mario is inspecting his minions. Scrambling over the tower are several dozen Orcs cleaning the remains of the Uber, speaker of 1337.]

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Uruk-hai 1: NO SHIT!

Mario: I-a heard that!

Uruk-hai 1: DID YOU FAT ASS?

Mario: O-a-K. Time to-a die!

[Mario pulls out a fire flower and blows Uruk-hai 1 to Kingdom Come.]

Mario: You are-a looking for-a hedgehog! He-a has-a my Ring! KILL-A HIM! AND-A ANY OTHER-A SEGA LICENSED CHARACTERS!

Uruk-hai force: FOR MARIO! FOR MARIO! THE RING! THE RING! FOR NINTENDO!

[The Uruk-hai force pours out of Isengard. Camera pan to the Fellowship, trekking through the woods.]

Shadow: I've got sap in my poofy.

Rouge: Not again.

Sonic: Why in hell do you even have a poofy?

Shadow: Because I'm in touch with my feminine side!

Tails: Not another one.

Eggman: (Much louder then he needs to be) WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO WEAR WOMENS BRAS AND PANTIES!

[Dead silence.]

Eggman: Hey, I need the support.

[Dead silence.]

Sonic: That is so wrong.

Eggman: OH! You're one to judge! You and your hentai porno tapes!

Sonic: (Making hand motions signaling that Eggman should stop talking) SHUT UP!

Eggman: You sit there watching goddamned DRAWINGS f-

Sonic: (Talking real loud) I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!

Tails: I'm not the only one who watches that stuff! I had no idea!

Knuckles: I say we dump Sonic and Tails into the volcano with the Ring.

Sonic: But…but…

Shadow: Just don't talk EVER again Sonic. I can't even look at you anymore.

Sonic: Shadow is gay! He was checking me out!

Knuckles: Son-of-a-bitch….SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!

Shadow: I'm not gay! I'm a metrosexual!

Sonic: They're the same damn thing!

Tails: Did you see episode 3 of [Censored so you sick bastards don't try to find it online] where the Queen is doing Sgt. Johnson? And then the Princess walks in? And then all these tentacles appear?

[Gordon is becoming visibly annoyed; he pulls out his Mp-5 and sprays the whole group with about 8 trillion bullets.]

Knuckles: I wasn't doing anything!

Sonic: My…nuts…have…bullets…in…them.

Eggman: Well, that's another bra ruined. I go through, like, ten a day.

Rouge: Freakin' sick.

Knuckles: I'd like to go through Rouge's bra, not that she's even wearing one… DON'T HURT ME!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

[Rouge grabs Gordon's Mp-5 and fires a grenade at Knuckles.]

Knuckles: BITCH! YOU COLD HEARTED HARPY WITCH QUEEN!

Sonic: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Knuckles is hitting on Rouge!

[Rouge aims the gun at Sonic.]

Sonic: I didn't say anything.

[Gordon walks up to Rouge. With one hand he grasps Rouge's head and lifts her clear off the ground. He grabs the gun out of Rouge's hands and chucks her at a tree. Rouge slams into the tree which shatters, burying Rouge in a pile of kindling.]

Rouge: (Muffled by the kindling) Ow.

Knuckles: HA! BURNED!

Shadow: I have gunpowder in my poofy!

Tails: (Continuing, despite the fact he has about a thousand bullets in his head) And then… (sways slightly)…the tentacles…(sways again)...start to…

[Tails falls down like a rock. The Fellowship decides to camp at their current location. Knuckles pulls Rouge out from under the tree only to be, once again, kicked by Rouge. Sonic goes off into the woods to pull bullets from his…personal region.]

Eggman: Thinking back, it may have been faster to just take the Egg Carrier III to Mordor. I'd be back home bathing in fat by now.

Shadow: (Vigorously rubbing his poofy to get the sap out) Now you think of this?

Rouge: I wish I was back at my house…

Knuckles: YOUR HOUSE? YOU STOLE THAT HOUSE FROM MY ISLAND!

Shadow: Oh shut up.

[Suddenly a horrible, blood curdling noise fills the woods.]

Rouge: What was that?

Knuckles: I'm scared….

Rouge: WUSSY!

Eggman: I wonder if it tastes good…

Sonic: (Yelling from the woods) SORRY! THAT BULLET WAS LODGED IN MY [Censored]. IT HURT WHEN I RIPPED IT OUT!

Knuckles: (Yelling back) SICK, MAN! SICK!

[Suddenly, more noises are heard, which wake Tails up]

Tails: Wha--?

Sonic: (Still yelling from woods) THAT WASN'T ME! I PULLED ALL THE BULLETS OUT! UNLESS THERE ARE MORE… (pause)…DAMN THERE ARE!

Tails: I don't think it's safe here.

Shadow: Yeah, let's go.

Eggman: Hey! I'm not done eating my fat!

Sonic: (Wait for it…yelling from woods) THAT SOUNDED WRONG!

[The Fellowship packs up and jumps into some small boats along a huge river. They push off and set sail. Figuratively. The boats don't have sails.]