Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Return of the King, Baby! ❯ Prologue ( Prologue )

THE LORD OF THE RING

The Return of the King, Baby!

WINNER OF 11 ACADEMY AWARDS*

INCLUDING

BEST PICTURE**, BEST DIRECTOR***, AND A WHOLE CRAPLOAD OF OTHERS****

*This statement may or may not be true

** Probably not true

***Definitely not true

****In fact, the only thing that is legally true and binding is the term "Crap"

Written by: Greg Paraubek

(Loosely) Based on the book by J.R.R. Tolkien

And

The movies by Peter Jackson

HAMMER AND SICKLE STUDIOS PRESENTS A TRILOGY BY VOLKOV "THE LORD OF THE RING" SONIC SHADOW MILES "Tails" PROWER KNUCKLES ROUGE AMY ROSE AND GORDON FREEMAN ALSO WITH G-MAN MARIO LUIGI PRINCESS PEACH YODA OMOCHAO MECHA-SONIC SAURON FEATURING CERVANTES MEGABYTE INTRODUCING THE UBER, SPEAKER OF 1337 AND AGENT 47 KERRIGAN ARTHAS BORIS BIG THE CAT T-800 TERMINATOR DUFF MAN LINK SAMUS SPIDER-MAN MASTER CHIEF AL GORE MICHAEL JACKSON RYUDO SKYE THE ONE RING AND IN THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME DR. IVO "EGGMAN" ROBOTNIK WITH SPECIAL GUEST STAR GOD BASED ON THE BOOKS BY J.R.R. TOLKIEN SCREENPLAY BY GREG PARAUBEK WRITTEN, PRODUCED, IMAGINED, AND DIRECTED BY GREG "VOLKOV" PARAUBEK

THESE FILMS ARE RATED R FOR: STRONG VIOLENCE, BLOOD AND GORE, ALCOHOL USE, DRUG USE, PERVASIVE ADULT LANGUAGE, SEXUAL THEMES, AND NUDITY…OH, AND MICHAEL JACKSON'S FACE

Intro: Well, we've finally made it. After nearly a year in the making, the final part of my "The Lord of the Rings" parody is complete. Before you start, you should read the previous two entries in this trilogy…if only to have some idea of what the hell is happening. So grab a drink, maybe some snacks, and a barf bag, and settle yourself in for a hundred plus pages of…stuff! Again, this story has been updated to fox the annoying little problems that mediaminer.org caused with names like "Nazgul" when they had accents…

Note/ Disclaimer: Listen up! Once more before the end: any characters that aren't owned by, but not limited to, Sega, Nintendo, Namco, Lucasfilm, Blizzard, Valve, and New Line Cinema, were created by me and cannot be used without my express permission. All characters, places, things, etc. and their distinctive likenesses are trademarks of their respective owners. May I add, this story (and all its preceding parts) are my intellectual property…and stuff. Now enjoy the final book in this grand trilogy!

Book Three:

The Return of the King, Baby!

[The camera pans along a small river running along through a light forest. In the middle of the river there's a small boat, containing two fishermen who are fishing (duh).]

Fisher 1: Hmm…we ain't caught nothin' yet…

Fisher 2: Aw…quit your hollerin'. We'll catch us some fishes!

Fisher 1: (getting exited) I think I dun there caught one! Yee-haw!

[Fisher 1 is pulling on his fishing rod trying to pull his fish out.]

Fisher 2: Hey! It's a biggy one!

Fisher 1: Sure i-

[Before Fisher 1 can finish his statement, a black hulled submarine with the Eggman logo rises up, smashing through their boat (killing both fishermen instantaneously). It's very much like the scene from "The Hunt for Red October". The scene fades and returns to this same place, at some point in the future. The forest and river are gone, replaced by a smoke belching factory. The camera pans inside the factory and along an assembly line, where a new robot has just been built: Omochao. The conveyer belt drops Omochao at the feet of his creator: Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik.]

Eggman: Ha-ha! My newest robot is complete! My new "Omochao" class robots will trick Sonic by acting as hint points, but will really drive him insane with stupid advice. Diabolical, if I do say so myself.

Omochao: Scanning…located…Eggman…must give advice.

Eggman: Huh?

Omochao: Say, you could lose some weight.

Eggman: What?

Omochao: Maybe a low carb diet…or possibly some Wheat Thins…I love those little Wheat Thins…they're so crunchy!

Eggman: What the hell are you talking about?

Omochao: Or maybe it's the sugar that you need to cut back on?

Eggman: SHUT UP!

Omochao: Or maybe some more exercise?

Eggman: Dammit! SHUT UP!

Omochao: Or maybe some liposuction? I have a pipe right here, I just need to pierce your flesh and start sucking…

Eggman: Stop talking!

Omochao: If you yell too loudly you'll give yourself a sore throat.

Eggman: I don't give a damn!

Omochao: Swearing is bad for you. People who swear grow up to be drug addicts.

Eggman: What? What does that have to do with anything?

Omochao: (all powerful like) ARE YOU QUESTIONING THE WISDOM OF OMOCHAO?!

Eggman: Get out of here! LEAVE YOU BASTARD!

Omochao: What have I ever done to you? You sure you don't have some repressed rage? Maybe some sexual tension…

[Eggman grabs Omochao by the head and whips him out of the fortress. The camera zooms to Omochao's face.]

Omochao: They hated us…they turned on us…"bastard" they called us…but we'll get our revenge…we'll wring his neck! We'll rip his LEGS off…

Guard: Hey! You!

[The camera pans out, revealing that Omochao is still inside the perimeter of Eggman's factory, in fact he is sitting right next to several (heavily) armed guards.]

Omochao: Me?

Guard: Yes, you! GET OUT!

[The Guard grabs Omochao and chucks him out of the factory perimeter, head first into some rocks.]

Omochao: HOLY FUC-

[The scene blackens, and then lightens. Torrential rain is falling on a small rock outcropping where Omochao is sitting.]

Omochao: I'll get you for this Eggman…I'll find some way to defeat you…some way to make you all…not smart…no more…like…oh hell…

[Some hail bounces off Omochao's head and he rolls down the mountainside. Omochao picks himself up and hovers off.]